In the Days of My Youth I Was Told What It Means to Be a Man: A Memoir

by Tom Junod

From two-time National Magazine Award winner Tom Junod, a searching, brilliantly-stylized memoir about a charismatic, philandering father who tried to mold his son in his image, the many secrets he hid, the son’s obsessive quest to uncover them and, ultimately, the true meaning of manhood

Big Lou Junod dominated every room he entered. He worshipped the sun and the sea, his own bronzed body, Frank Sinatra, and beautiful women. He was a successful traveling handbag salesman who carried himself like a celebrity. He’d return from the road with stories of going to nightclubs where the stars—Ava Gardner, maybe Liz Taylor—“couldn’t keep their eyes off . . . your father.” He had countless affairs and didn’t do much to hide them.

Lou was cruel to Fran, his wife of fifty-nine years, but he loved his youngest son. Tom was a skin-and-bones, nervous boy, devoted to his mother, but Lou sought to turn him into a version of himself. He showered him with advice about how to dress (“A turtleneck is the most flattering thing a man can wear”), how to be an alpha male, and especially, how to attract and bed women. His parting speech when Tom went to college “Do yourself a favor and date a Jewish girl. They’re all nymphos.” When Tom started seeing his future wife Janet, Lou’s efforts to entice Tom into his version of manhood accelerated on nights in New York, L.A. and Paris.

Tom wrestled with Lou’s imposing presence all his life. When one of Lou’s mistresses stood up at his funeral and announced “Can we all . . . just agree . . . that this . . . was a man” Tom set off to learn the facts of his father’s life, and why he was the way he was. The stunning secrets he uncovered—about his father, his father’s lovers, and deceptions going back generations—staggered Tom, but in the process allowed him, at last, to become his own man, by his own lights.

In the Days of My Youth I Was Told What It Means to Be a Man is an intensely emotional detective story powered by a series of cascading revelations. The book is a triumph of bravura writing; it is a tale of a son reckoning with the consequences of his father’s life, and in the end, of the son’s redemption.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

416 pages, Hardcover

Expected publication March 10, 2026

About the author

American journalist. He is the recipient of two National Magazine Awards from the American Society of Magazine Editors.

Reviews

[Todd · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't know what I was getting into when I first read about this upcoming title, but I devoured it in the course of a few days. Absolutely incredible tour de force writing of the story of a man, his father, and their families.

Knowing a bit about Tom Junod's authorial pedigree, reading about his father, here for the first time *everything* about him, has been enlightening. Especially after earlier depictions of their relationship on the page and screen weren't even close to his entire story.

This sprawling dual memoir (I hesitate to say dual, since it really covers so many lives) contains some nearly unbelievable moments and drops names here and there, but in the end I never doubted the veracity or at least the presumed veracity of any of the events and people encountered within.

It's truly a remarkable read: a family saga that hooked me instantly, and as it spiralled further away and then coiled back to its roots, I never wondered why I was learning about secondary or tertiary players; they all came together to create a whole, beautiful, messy picture.

Thanks to Doubleday for the DRC via Edelweiss.

[Shannon A · Rating 5 out of 5]

What starts out as a memoir of his father that every man envied, and every woman wanted quickly becomes an investigation into what Tom’s father really got up to gallivanting around the world selling handbags. From the son that feared his father as his polar opposite and his mother’s protector…comes the unraveling of shocking secrets abound.

[Leslie Nipkow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to admit, the deck was stacked. I've long been a fan of Tom Junod's magazine writing, some of which has stuck with me for decades. But I could not have predicted how moved I would be by his achievement with this book. Okay, yes, I should have known, since Junod has a gift for imbuing unanswerable questions with ... how to put it? The feeling of facing an unanswerable question as well as the fullness of possibility.

What I'm trying to say is Junod is a master of duality, and that is no small feat. In his memoir, the story of his adored father and all his father's complications and contradictions, he manages to place the reader in a place of love. He does this despite detailing his research into his father's tangled romantic past and the tangled --- or, at last, untangled --- web of DNA that results from it.

Junod creates indelible characters and settings from the 60s and 70s, then brings them forward into the 21st century without judgment. He simply paints and presents them to us. But there is an edge to the writing, as well. And there's not a hint of sentimentality in the work. Junod, the journalist, does the work he knows how to do so masterfully... on himself.

If you've ever had a father, read this. And if you've had a complicated father, read it now.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tom Junod's whole life was impacted by the actions and personality of his father Lou Junod. This memoir is Tom's attempt to explore the conflicting feelings this relationship caused, and we come to understand the love, fear, disgust and admiration he feels. Lou Junod is a manly man who dresses beautifully, keeps his body in excellent shape and works as a salesman in New York City. He also is a Casanova, and his wife and children suffer silently due to his open dalliances.
Family history comes to light that brings forward dark secrets and painful truths. This memoir is well done!

[CR · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well done. Starts a little slow, but finishes strong. Worth the read.