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Always Have, Always Will
Imagine losing everything you ever loved in the blink of an eye. For Clayton Palmer, that terrible fate has just become a reality as he buries his lover, Gregg, after a brief and futile battle with cancer. Now, in the house in which they shared their love for all those years, Clay’s own life is slowly fading. In a war with his ailing body, Clay reminisces over the life they shared. Knowing time is running out, memories of their joy and sadness come to him; vignettes forming a road map back to the man he always loved; always has and always will.
- GenresM M RomanceContemporary
64 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 26, 2014
62 people want to read
About the author
B.J. Sheppard
13 books41 followersI'm new to this game, so bear with me while I struggle my way blindly through, with only the help of half a road map and a crystal ball that's more paper-weight than portent. This series of short stories is a nice respite from the Shakespearean melodramas I usually produce, and I hope they give you half the laughs they gave me when I wrote them. More of the series will be available soon, so drop by and check them out when they find their way our of my brain and onto a page.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
April 11, 2015
I'm writing this review minutes after finishing this story. My heart is so full, the tears streaming down my face, I can't tell you just how good this is. Chock full of emotion, overwhelming love, anger, pain, bitterness, grief. Poignant, heart breaking but so beautifully written it's been both my pleasure and privilege to read it. Barney my friend, I salute you. 5 stars.
March 29, 2016
A short, painfully bittersweet read about a man who found out his partner had terminal cancer, and didn't take it well. These are the reflections of an all-too-fallibly human guy on the hardest time of his life. No happy endings here, but some very human love and flaws and pain. Smoothly readable and well done for avoiding the usual clichés and over-sweet sentimentality, in its reflection of real life.
November 29, 2014
There aren't many writers who can keep me entertained with a lot of prose and very little dialogue. Some paint beautiful word pictures, so we see the world through the eyes of the character and feel like we are there with him, seeing what he sees. B.J. Sheppard has the amazing ability to do something similar, but in my opinion more challenging. He takes the reader inside the character's head. Instead of merely seeing what the character sees, we think his thoughts, feel his pain, sense his regrets, tingle when he gets turned on. We cry at the sense of hopelessness his situation presents. We understand his anger at a predicament in which many of us would be every bit as angry, but force ourselves to behave differently, even though everything in us wants to behave just like he does.
Always Have Always Will has five main characters. Gregg, Clay, Memories, Regret and Cancer. We meet Gregg and Clay at a time when Gregg is dying. Cancer is killing him, while at the same time, Memories are wielding Regret like a weapon in an effort to kill Clay. Mr. Sheppard takes us on a trip down Memory lane and gives us a glimpse into the beginning, middle and end of the relationship between these five characters. I love a book that jumps around in time. I love when an author treats a reader with enough respect to write his book the way it is meant to be, time jumps and all. Without the stops at various points on the path of Clay and Gregg's relationship, we wouldn't know where Cancer made their relationship into a threesome or where Regret turned it into a foursome.
This is a brilliantly written, intelligent and thought provoking story. Who among us isn't able to relate to the overwhelming desire to lash out at Cancer, collateral damage be damned? Who among us won't admit to feeling helpless and wanting to give in to Regret after a loss so great it truly feels like you cannot go on living?
Thank you B.J. for this amazingly touching story. I cried most of the way through it, so I am glad it isn't novel length or I'd be dehydrated! It was just enough. You took me to a level beyond that where the characters come to life on the page. You took me to a place where I felt like I had put on Clay like a suit of clothes and was walking around inside him, thinking and feeling his thoughts and feelings. I wanted to reach my arms out from my Clay-sleeves and wrap them around him to hold him, or slap him upside the head, depending on the moment.
Mr. Sheppard is a very talented young man. This is a must read and I look forward to years and decades during which there will be many more books from him. He truly elevates the gay fiction genre to a new level.
Always Have Always Will has five main characters. Gregg, Clay, Memories, Regret and Cancer. We meet Gregg and Clay at a time when Gregg is dying. Cancer is killing him, while at the same time, Memories are wielding Regret like a weapon in an effort to kill Clay. Mr. Sheppard takes us on a trip down Memory lane and gives us a glimpse into the beginning, middle and end of the relationship between these five characters. I love a book that jumps around in time. I love when an author treats a reader with enough respect to write his book the way it is meant to be, time jumps and all. Without the stops at various points on the path of Clay and Gregg's relationship, we wouldn't know where Cancer made their relationship into a threesome or where Regret turned it into a foursome.
This is a brilliantly written, intelligent and thought provoking story. Who among us isn't able to relate to the overwhelming desire to lash out at Cancer, collateral damage be damned? Who among us won't admit to feeling helpless and wanting to give in to Regret after a loss so great it truly feels like you cannot go on living?
Thank you B.J. for this amazingly touching story. I cried most of the way through it, so I am glad it isn't novel length or I'd be dehydrated! It was just enough. You took me to a level beyond that where the characters come to life on the page. You took me to a place where I felt like I had put on Clay like a suit of clothes and was walking around inside him, thinking and feeling his thoughts and feelings. I wanted to reach my arms out from my Clay-sleeves and wrap them around him to hold him, or slap him upside the head, depending on the moment.
Mr. Sheppard is a very talented young man. This is a must read and I look forward to years and decades during which there will be many more books from him. He truly elevates the gay fiction genre to a new level.
January 7, 2015
This was an extraordinary book, It was beautiful, but sad at the same time. The author did an amazing job of portraying the emotions and the flow of the story line. This was about a MM couple who were going through a tragic time. Gregg was diagnosed with terminal cancer and had "maybe" a couple of months to live. Clay, his partner, was devasted, and felt the only way he could survive was to not love Gregg anymore so he treated Gregg coldly with no emotion, but that was not what was going on inside of him. The story tells Clay's and Gregg's story to when they first met to after Gregg dies. Gregg wanted to go home to his family in Dublin to die because Clay was acting like he didn't love him anymore. This is more of Clay's story from beginning to end. The anticipation and love they had for 13 years until the loss of Gregg and the final moments that Clay experienced with his own life. The author was very unique in his style and writing this book. I keep remembering his frequent statement "There was something I forgot to say" which added a certain quality to this book. "I Love You, Always Have Always Will. The statement bringing on another event that Clay was feeling and remembering. The character development was strong as the story played out and the story line was easy to follow even though it fragmented from one moment to the next in Clay's existence. The memories of a love lost, but not for long. Eternal love. A struggle of the left behind lover to exist until his true love brings him home to be together. This story touched my heart and soul. I cried! This story will hit home with a lot of us who have lost our partners in life. But one day we too shall meet up with them again. A very emotional story which BJ Sheppard did an incredible job doing justice to the feelings of grief. I highly recommend this one! I don't think I have ever been so touched. I applaud this author on a job well done.
January 23, 2015
4.5 stars
Always Have, Always Will is the heart breaking and agonizing experience of what many of us imagine to be the worst horror – to be the one left behind. More prose than dialogue, the emotion and angst are high, and your only smiles will be through tears. Make no mistake, you WILL need tissues for this read.
Regret, sadness and fear are so strong in Clay. He is overcome with so much pain, loneliness and anger, but even the worst sorrow or regret cannot hide his love and loss. I am amazed by the intensity this author was able to create in such a short read. Carefully and delicately woven between past and present from Clay's point of view, this story is haunting, frustrating and somehow loving at the same time. My emotions truly ran the gamut as I read through my tears, my heart breaking for Clay and Gregg.
“There's something I forgot to say...” - I'll never look at that phrase the same again. What beautiful prose. What a tragically beautiful story. This is my first read from author BJ Sheppard, and I know it won't be my last. I hope you'll break out the tissues and read through your tears with me, because this short but amazing read is very worth your while.
. ** I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review through www.mmgoodbookreviews.wordpress.com **
Always Have, Always Will is the heart breaking and agonizing experience of what many of us imagine to be the worst horror – to be the one left behind. More prose than dialogue, the emotion and angst are high, and your only smiles will be through tears. Make no mistake, you WILL need tissues for this read.
Regret, sadness and fear are so strong in Clay. He is overcome with so much pain, loneliness and anger, but even the worst sorrow or regret cannot hide his love and loss. I am amazed by the intensity this author was able to create in such a short read. Carefully and delicately woven between past and present from Clay's point of view, this story is haunting, frustrating and somehow loving at the same time. My emotions truly ran the gamut as I read through my tears, my heart breaking for Clay and Gregg.
“There's something I forgot to say...” - I'll never look at that phrase the same again. What beautiful prose. What a tragically beautiful story. This is my first read from author BJ Sheppard, and I know it won't be my last. I hope you'll break out the tissues and read through your tears with me, because this short but amazing read is very worth your while.
. ** I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review through www.mmgoodbookreviews.wordpress.com **
December 22, 2014
4 star review by Rhonda
Well boys and girls, if you want a good tear jerker this is the book to reach for. BJ Sheppard takes us on a journey with long time lovers Clayton and Greg as they face the pain and heartbreak of Greg’s diagnosis of a terminal cancer that will end his life in a month’s time and the turmoil of having to make preparations for Greg’s rapidly approaching death.
A month’s time is just not enough time to prepare yourself for living without someone when you have spent 20 years loving that one person that makes you complete. We make the journey with them in a series of letters written by Clayton to Greg and glimpses into the heartbreaking reality faced by Clay when he has to lay his lover to rest.
As the story unfolds we find that Clay has some very serious problems of his own resulting in Greg demanding to be taken home to Scotland to spend his remaining time with friends and family rather than face it alone when Clay starts pushing his lover away. I have to say it is a very accurate portrayal of what happens when a loved one dies, you will shed tears. I think the story really gets really dark when Clay finally returns home to the empty house he once called a home and we find ourselves wondering just what is going on with Clay as he starts breaking down leaving us to wonder if he is about to do something drastic and permanent. I would tell you more but I don’t want to give away the ending. I have to leave you something to look forward to! But I will say this, it was both heartbreaking and heartwarming. I recommend this book!
A copy of this book was provided in exchange for an honest review. Please visit www.lovebytesreviews.com to see this and many more reviews, author interviews, guestposts and giveaways!
Well boys and girls, if you want a good tear jerker this is the book to reach for. BJ Sheppard takes us on a journey with long time lovers Clayton and Greg as they face the pain and heartbreak of Greg’s diagnosis of a terminal cancer that will end his life in a month’s time and the turmoil of having to make preparations for Greg’s rapidly approaching death.
A month’s time is just not enough time to prepare yourself for living without someone when you have spent 20 years loving that one person that makes you complete. We make the journey with them in a series of letters written by Clayton to Greg and glimpses into the heartbreaking reality faced by Clay when he has to lay his lover to rest.
As the story unfolds we find that Clay has some very serious problems of his own resulting in Greg demanding to be taken home to Scotland to spend his remaining time with friends and family rather than face it alone when Clay starts pushing his lover away. I have to say it is a very accurate portrayal of what happens when a loved one dies, you will shed tears. I think the story really gets really dark when Clay finally returns home to the empty house he once called a home and we find ourselves wondering just what is going on with Clay as he starts breaking down leaving us to wonder if he is about to do something drastic and permanent. I would tell you more but I don’t want to give away the ending. I have to leave you something to look forward to! But I will say this, it was both heartbreaking and heartwarming. I recommend this book!
A copy of this book was provided in exchange for an honest review. Please visit www.lovebytesreviews.com to see this and many more reviews, author interviews, guestposts and giveaways!
September 11, 2016
A love letter…that is what this novella is, a love letter to a dying partner. How we handle death is often a reflection of how we have handled life. For Clayton Palmer, that same nagging feeling that he never fully deserved the love and attention of his partner, Gregg, made it so much easier to withdraw when the cancer consumed Gregg’s body and forced death into their lives. But, just as Clay had loved fiercely in life, he could not hide his passion for Gregg in the end and this is really what Always Have, Always Will is all about.
“There was something I forgot to say.” As we are privy to a dying man’s thoughts we realize how important that statement is—not only for him, but for the reader as well. Author B.J. Sheppard pulls your heart strings taut and nearly destroys them as he recounts the life and death of a pair of lovers whose lives were cut way too short. Through a series of memories, we watch Clay and Gregg fall in love and move through death, together—always together. This is a true love story but not one that is cozy and sweet; rather it is filled with pain and sweat and, yes, death…but…in the end, there is that one shining moment when you realize the author is dishing out the most important thing…hope.
Always Have, Always Will speaks of a bond that reaches beyond our simple lives and carries us into the arms of that one person we will love forever. Tender and raw, this novella is poetry in motion, a love letter, a glimpse at redemption, and a window into eternity. And, at the end, through tears of sadness, you are given that chance to see that the strength of love transcends death. A beautiful story, a gorgeous promise that we can find a lover that we will have our heart…always.
“There was something I forgot to say.” As we are privy to a dying man’s thoughts we realize how important that statement is—not only for him, but for the reader as well. Author B.J. Sheppard pulls your heart strings taut and nearly destroys them as he recounts the life and death of a pair of lovers whose lives were cut way too short. Through a series of memories, we watch Clay and Gregg fall in love and move through death, together—always together. This is a true love story but not one that is cozy and sweet; rather it is filled with pain and sweat and, yes, death…but…in the end, there is that one shining moment when you realize the author is dishing out the most important thing…hope.
Always Have, Always Will speaks of a bond that reaches beyond our simple lives and carries us into the arms of that one person we will love forever. Tender and raw, this novella is poetry in motion, a love letter, a glimpse at redemption, and a window into eternity. And, at the end, through tears of sadness, you are given that chance to see that the strength of love transcends death. A beautiful story, a gorgeous promise that we can find a lover that we will have our heart…always.
October 1, 2015
would have been a beautiful love story
I wasn't a huge fan of the format of this story.
The italic writing was distracting, the back and forth of regular writing to italic was distracting, and the story was told almost all in a narrative voice rather than a 1st person or third person. I like living in the moment with characters because I can truly feel the depth of their love or heartaches throughout the story.
Had the story been told in chronological order from the first time Clayton and Greg met, to them falling in love, meeting each others friends and families, the ups and downs of a 10 year old love affair, to Gregg sickness, to the heartache Clayton went through, this would have been a beautiful love story.
I wasn't a huge fan of the format of this story.
The italic writing was distracting, the back and forth of regular writing to italic was distracting, and the story was told almost all in a narrative voice rather than a 1st person or third person. I like living in the moment with characters because I can truly feel the depth of their love or heartaches throughout the story.
Had the story been told in chronological order from the first time Clayton and Greg met, to them falling in love, meeting each others friends and families, the ups and downs of a 10 year old love affair, to Gregg sickness, to the heartache Clayton went through, this would have been a beautiful love story.
April 10, 2015
Sad yet lovely story.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews