So Old, So Young

by Grant Ginder

“So Old, So Young is a story of romantic love, professional jealousy, misplaced longing, and—above all—the gift of lifelong friendship. You will laugh on every page, except for when you find yourself moved to tears.” —Jenny Jackson, New York Times bestselling author of Pineapple Street

Six Friends.
Five Parties.
Twenty Years…
How did we get So Old, So Young?

From Grant Ginder, the bestselling author of The People We Hate at the Wedding, comes a novel of impending millennial middle age that is part love story, part tragic comedy. Five parties over the course of two decades bring six college friends together, exploring the ways we can run from and cling to our friends in love, life, and death.

For Marco and Mia, Sasha and Theo, Richie and Adam, the one constant in life after college together has been change. New jobs. New cities. New spouses. New children. Through it all, one thing they thought would always stay the same is their friendship. But time has a way of breaking even the strongest bonds and testing what we thought we knew.

From East Village apartment parties and disastrous destination weddings to fortieth birthdays and suburban backyard barbecues, Grant Ginder’s resonant, funny, and deeply moving novel is a story about the growing pains of the millennial generation, and a celebration of how love can shift, stumble, and grow into something bigger than we ever could have imagined.

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Audiobook, Book Club, Literary Fiction, Romance, Friendship

384 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 17, 2026

About the author

Grant Ginder is the author of five novels, including LET'S NOT DO THAT AGAIN and THE PEOPLE WE HATE AT THE WEDDING. He received his MFA from NYU, where he teaches writing. He lives in Brooklyn.

Follow him on Twitter or Instagram @GrantGinder

Reviews

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️s rounded up

So Old, So Young follows the lives of six friends over the span of twenty years and five pivotal gatherings. I’ve always been drawn to stories that explore lifelong friendships and how relationships evolve over time, and I felt like I was right there alongside Mia, Marco, Sasha, Theo, Richie, and Adam as they navigated major life changes.

Having had a close-knit group of friends by my side for more than forty years, so much of this story resonated with me. Not so much because I loved the characters, but because of how authentically the ebb and flow of friendships was portrayed. What stood out most was how my connection to the characters shifted over time. At one gathering, I could relate deeply to certain characters, only to feel completely disconnected from them at the next.

This story made me laugh, feel nostalgic, and even brought me to tears. The emotional highs and lows felt incredibly real, and that’s what made it so compelling for me. This book won’t be for everyone, but aside from wishing for a bit more closure at the end, or even an epilogue, I really loved it.

[Lucia ⋆˚꩜｡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

For the first few chapters of this book, I was so worried that I wasn't going to like it. It felt a bit shallow, and there didn't really seem to be a plot. I was wrong.

"So Old, So Young" is told over twenty years, through five different parties. The novel does a perfect job of illustrating how time changes everything: people, relationships, interests, and ideas. Each character navigates this in different ways, showing the complexity of human nature.

This story was completely character-driven. While that can be boring, this was done very well. The story follows six characters, and every single one of them is complicated, realistic, and distinctive. Sometimes I liked them, and sometimes I hated them. What I had first mistook for being shallow was actually just complexity, with each character having very real flaws, which could be found in any of us.

Although the ending felt slightly rushed over, it was still an incredible read!

Overall, I would definitely recommend "So Old, So Young" if you are looking for a more character-driven story that is still interesting. Do yourself a favor and read it once it's released on February 17th!

[emilybookedup]

i got about 35% ish on audio into this one and needed to dnf.

the full cast audio was enjoyable but at the same time, there were soooo many characters and time period jumps that it was so hard to follow.

might try again in the future in the hard copy as i’m seeing some rave reviews and maybe it was the wrong format/timing for me!

[niki ౨ৎ · Rating 4 out of 5]

౨ৎꨄ︎ 4.5 stars

ahh i enjoyed this so much. does it have some flaws? yes. but it’s still such a heartwarming story, i def recommend reading it!

the book follows a group of friends that meet on five different occasions (wedding, birthday party etc.) over the course of twenty years. some of them are in love, some of them are completely different and some of them would probably never be friends if it wasn’t for the others in the group. and each party is told through several povs.

this format is actually really cool and i enjoyed being in the situation through several eyes. whenever the povs change you also get glimpses of that person’s life and it really works well how it’s all intertwined together. i saw someone say they cried as well as laughed and i was honestly the same!

each character experiences ups and downs. they make great decisions, but mostly they mess up their lives. and that’s what i loved the most about this story. would i make the same decisions or would i say what some of the characters said in certain situations? no. did some of the characters get on my nerves? yes. but life is never easy and this book is all about that yet it’s said in such a beautiful and enjoyable way i sometimes couldn’t stop listening.

there are two reasons why i’m taking the half star away. one is that i wish that at each party we could get all of the povs and maybe not always have mia's the most. sometimes the other characters were having more enjoyable plot lines at the time that deserved to have a bigger focus on.

and that brings me to the other reason - why on earth is theo a main character yet he has zero povs? considering what has happened to him throughout the years, i see this as a wasted potential.

still, i really loved this book and i cannot wait to read other grant ginder books!

────୨ৎ────

౨ৎꨄ︎ pre-read: the title won me over, that’s how i feel LOL. anyway, i started this yesterday and i’m already 20% in. i knoww i always get my hopes up and then i’m VERY disappointed, but this really seems to be promising!! 🙂‍↕️🩷

[lauren‎♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧ (ia) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5💫

what a great story involving complex people, complicated relationships, and the struggles of growing up and growing apart. these characters started off a bit unlikeable, but they are real. the author didn't want to show us picture perfect people in happy friendship and romantic relationships. the characters had complicated yet real reactions and emotions. they were relatable in the sense that everyone could remember a time where they felt betrayed, left behind, overjoyed, or just reacted in a way they wish they could take back. i loved these characters and watching them grow up through the course of 5 different parties over the span of many, many years. we watch these friends go through their best and worst times, and i love a story that has such complex, dynamic, likable and unlikeable characters.

this book was also a great reminder that life moves incredibly fast and you never know what tomorrow holds. I was feeling nostalgic for these characters towards the end and it got me thinking about my own life and to really soak in these moments i have now.

this book focuses more on the people than a direct plot, and if you like those kinds of books, i highly recommend this to you!

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

preread🩵
chose this book because of the cover and because i love emotional stories about friendship🥹

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not editing my review with the correct name. This is how much I didn't like it. The names of the characters are not even worth correcting.


I want to write this while the book is still fresh in my mind, especially since it's a giant cluster of characters and none of them are likeable for any reason whatsoever. Was that Grant Ginder's hope? To have a book where the reader shouldn't like the characters? Weirder things have happened.

There are a ton of characters, none that had any development whatsoever. A few I wish were in it more, like Allison, and who is Ravi? And why does everyone hate Nina Guzman? She was hilarious!

There's Ralphie, Mia, Mitch, Adam, Theo, Sasha, and quite a few others that didn't really need to be in the book so the focus could have been on the main six (or is it eight? I don't know) characters. Some are romantically involved, some hate each other, some have kids together, all happens over a 16-year period, where the same group of college friends meet each other at various parties and locations. Don't really know why, as they all seem to hate each other, or maybe they actually love each other?

Regardless, I stuck through it because there were some laugh out loud moments, as if Ginder just has SO much potential to write a decent book here, but instead, it's a giant cluster of half baked characters, a lot of cocaine, east coast nonsense, and by the end you might cry, but only if you're invested in who these shallow people even are.

High hopes, with major letdown.

[Meagan (Meagansbookclub) · Rating 4 out of 5]

6 friends all trying to navigate adult life as they grow up and grow apart as they long for their old selves and who they used to be.

Going in, I knew this would be a story you’d need to sink your teeth into because it is primarily character driven with a larger cast of characters. It took a minute to sort everyone out. With alternating POV, I found myself wanting to stay with certain characters, and then skip over other chapters because they weren’t interesting to me or they were just too insufferable.

There is a lot here that I found relatable but i think ultimately, the writing lacked depth and emotion. It was hard to emotionally connect with anyone. It flowed between past reflections to present day sometimes within the same paragraph so my eyes did a lot a work reading each word to make sure I didn’t skip over anything.

The ending felt rushed and by then, I didn’t feel that emotional pull I know the author was trying to accomplish.

I’m giving this one 3.5 ⭐️ right now but rounding up to 4 because there is a lot here to unpack and I think with the right readers, it’ll be a hit.

[Electra · Rating 3 out of 5]

So here's the deal. The writing is very immersive. It's like you're at the parties with these characters and standing right there in the midst of their conversations.....which would be great if I actually liked these characters. Instead, it feels like I'm trapped at a party with people I don't like and I can't really escape. I know friendship dynamics vary, but these relationships just didn't resonate with me. This isn't bad, and I think it's for someone... Just not for me. It's been said to be like the movie The Big Chill, but modernized, which I think is accurate. 2.75 stars.

[lauren ౨ৎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75💫 full RTC


one thing you should know about me is that i love books that follow friend groups 🤩 highly recommend !!!


Read if you like: 💙
🍓books about friend groups
🍓multiple povs
🍓character driven books
🍓books that span years
🍓messy, complex characters
🍓books about growing up/growing pains


°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ — preread:

been anticipating this one since i found it!! i hope this delivers because im soooo excited 🥹🤞🏼 absolutely love stories about friendships & im super in the mood for a literary/contemporary fiction 🤭

[morgan! · Rating 5 out of 5]

“they were never going to stop growing up, and there was nothing they could do to change that”

unapologetically human and absolutely devastating as a twenty something already riddled with nostalgia for the present

[Gail]

There should be a foreign word for the feeling that comes when your expectations are unmet by a book. Maybe that word already exists, but whatever it might be, I was starting to experience it a few chapters into the party-centric narrative of this buzzy new release.

Confused by all the characters (and failing to understand their relationship to one another), I was wondering if I wanted to keep reading when a scene arrived that made the decision for me: a throwaway reference to an artist featured in the gallery where main character Sasha works—a photographer whose new show “consisted of high-res shots of garbage dumps in Indiana.”

Nice .... reallllll nice.

Look, when you’re from the Midwest, you’re used to getting shit on proverbially for living in fly-over country. And I know I’m hyper-sensitive to the resentment I feel every time I see a passive dig at my state delivered on the page. But witness the pattern enough times, and you, too, might get a little testy. (So testy, in fact, that you counter your frustrations by creating a successful online book group dedicated to reading and discussing books that actually celebrate the Midwest.)

Maybe So Old, So Young got better, but I guess I’ll never know. In setting it aside, I only wish my copy had been a physical one—that way I could have taken a “high-res shot” of it in one of the Indiana garbage dumps Ginder is so fond of writing about. (A work of art, indeed!) Sadly, the closest I’ll come to that satisfaction is the refund I received for the digital version from Apple Books.

[Brandice · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved So Old, So Young, a contemporary fiction story most millennials will find relatable.

It’s a privilege and a gift to have the same friends in different stages of life and So Old, So Young explores this, through a group of 6 friends, at 5 parties, over 20 years. The story has humor, hope, tragedy, frustration, and love. None of the characters were without flaws and I did not always like her, but Mia was my favorite. I also enjoyed all the 2000s references, many of them on brand for my own college experience.

So Old, So Young felt familiar and resonated with me — In Grant Ginder’s own words, it’s about friendship and time. I highly recommend it.

Thank you to Netgalley and Gallery Books for providing an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Tell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this in two sittings and absolutely loved it. A strong entry into the decades spanning friendship novel genre, this book follows six friends across five parties and how their lives and friendships radically shift across twenty years of Millennial touchpoints.

Ginder has a way of evoking time and place- MGMT on the radio, the East Village in 2007, Cardi B soundtracking a summer house party in 2018- that instantly transport the reader into a specific mood and moment.

While the hook of the book is gripping, the emotional core of the novel is the connection across time, and how those fray and tatter: the most powerful storyline was the slow dissolution of a particular friendship due to motherhood and marriage. I'll say more about this on TikTok (as I always do), but the real pain of being forgotten about as friends progress into new versions and visions of their lives is always ripe for dissection and startingly real for people single in their thirties or forties.

Honest, incisive, particular, and smart: I loved this book.

[biba ♡]

dnf @ 28%

here's the deal. i was actually enjoying this one. it's really well written, the characters are intriguing, etc etc. there's nothing "wrong" with the book. i was simply uncomfortable reading it; there was just far too much about drugs and sex. the language was strong as well, which generally isn't an issue, but combined with the other factors i just didn't want to keep going.

thank you to the publisher for an e-arc!

[Chrissy Vaughn · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 stars. (Publishing Feb 17 2026)

Unpopular opinion alert:
I almost DNF'd this one, but I'm morally opposed to DNFs so slogged through. While I found Ginder's prose smooth and polished, so much about this book didn't hit or truly bugged me. As others have mentioned, it's a character-driven story that spans decades of six(ish) college friends through their 40s. The original stage - a NYE party and college apartment living - meant to forge super-tight bonds in this friend group did the opposite for me; nothing communicated to me that these people were close with -- or even liked -- each other. As such the foundation of the rest of the book couldn't hold up the remainder of the story meant to explore their evolution as friends and people. They were all quite unlikable and highly privileged, which isn't a dealbreaker for a character, but I didn't really *care* about any of them enough to engage in their usually petty stories.

Some of the specific things that bugged me (better editing could've helped?):
- Why was each chapter given a date and time? I've seen this method well used in mystery/thrillers that are building to a big crescendo moment, but this added detail was completely superfluous and purposeless here
- The friends attended events like a wedding and baby shower for someone in their extended group that none of them ever appeared to like or have a relationship with -- why?
- Unnecessary and repeated details bogged down the prose and did nothing to advance a scene -- e.g., taking glasses more than once off to clean them with a shirt tail, pulling up a shirt sleeve 1/2 inch from the wrist to look at a watch
- Gluten-free cupcakes were treated as obviously gross (maybe a petty observation from a GF reader, but this bugged me to no end)

+++++
Thank you to Net Galley and Gallery/Scout Press for the eARC in exchange for my unbiased review.

[Angie Miale · Rating 2 out of 5]

The best thing about this book is the off handed references to current events over the course of the book. Things everyone was talking about at the time that you forgot about. The nostalgia and remembering is well done.

There are many characters and it is difficult to keep them straight, but over time they come together.

I did not like the way women were portrayed in this novel. The main characters- Mia and Sasha- but also the minor characters such as Courtney, and the nameless women in the background. They were all vapid and came across as cruel.

[Kelly (and the Book Boar) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dear Grant Ginder:



I picked this up solely for the floater of a goldfish on the cover (RIP Tuna). If you know me, you know I’m a real cover whore and this proves it’s not always a house on the front that grabs my attention. I truly didn’t even notice the author before putting a hold at the library, but as one of the 12 people who really enjoyed The People We Hate At The Wedding I didn’t shy away once I realized who wrote this one.

The story here starts with Mia on a flight to the Big Apple for a funeral and then we readers get to take a little trip down memory lane where she, Sasha, Richie, Marco, Theo and Adam all became friends in college, and through the trials and tribulations of relationships and parenthood for the next 20 years.

I love a good friend story and I just noticed the queen of my summertime deck reading Elin Hilderbrand blurbed this a “Big Chill of our times” which is pretty accurate. I finished So Old, So Young with a little lump in my throat and quickly queued up The Four Seasons on Netflix for my evening TV sesh so I could hold on to the feeling of good (and not-so-good) times with great friends.

I’m giving it every Star because lately it takes me a week or more to make it through a book, but I gobbled this one up in 24 hours.

[mary steven · Rating 4 out of 5]

no more calling me a misandrist in my tiktok comments please - i enjoyed a book written by a man!

actually, i more than enjoyed this. i wept and felt my heart break at every new decade of these characters lives. not even out of sadness, it was just that reading someone else’s interpretation and experience of aging out of friendships they thought would last forever is an emotional thing.

”one day soon, they would fall in love. they would choose a career, and get married, and have children, and despair over cellulite, and research ways to get rid of it, and google celebrities who were all younger than they were.”

anyway im in love nina guzman and mia hoffman

[gina · Rating 1 out of 5]

Such a disappointment. I liked the overall tone of the writing style but everything else is just bland and vacuous. The characters are characters I’ve already encountered multiple times in multiple different books. Every single one has their own ordinary (which is fine, that’s real life) but ultimately boring history. For a character driven story to work they have to be distinct and compelling but all you get here is facts thrown at you but no deep dive into their being and individuality. It didn’t make me feel a thing except annoyance. There was just nothing new to discover, the same cliché quotes and in the end the same maxim. I got actually so bored that I skim read the last 100 pages, wishing I just dnf'd a lot sooner.

[dani · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

wow cause WOW. this made me super emotional and a bit weepy and also a bit existential?

this is a story of six friends who we follow along with throughout five different parties in the span of twenty years. it has you loving characters, hating them, and loving them again. i absolutely ADORED this. i loved how real it was and how you connect with most, if not all of them, to the point where finishing the book felt like closing some sort of chapter in your life.

this was beautiful and so wholly real and human. it makes you incredibly aware of how short life is and the reality of your friends and the people you love. funny at times, and even devasting—“so old so young” will transcend time

[Karl Hildebrandt · Rating 2 out of 5]

It's hard to like a book when you don't like any of the characters.

[Emily Graebner · Rating 2 out of 5]

If toxic, self-indulgent relationships and shallow, egotistical characters who show only marginal growth and maturity over the span of 20 years who give off mean girl vibes even into their 40s (including male characters) in a normalized, unironic sort of way is your thing, this book is for you. 

There were moments in the book that captured my attention and moved me, but they were too few and cut too short to hold much lasting meaning.

I could have tolerated the insufferable characters if there were at least some running commentary that challenged the emptiness of their lives and prompted the reader to pause for introspection but no, it just repeatedly affirmed narcissistic self righteous entitlement and Peter Pan complexes across the board.

[Heidi Zuva · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up because the first half absolutely *draaaagged* by (I was so ready to DNF, but I'm both a completionist and paid full price for this), but the second half was so good.

While reading (this was more or less the turning point in my reading experience, fyi):

Everyone kinda sucks, but not in particularly interesting ways, so it took me sooo long to get into this. HOWEVER, that *cringe-squeal-awkward* sexting scene around 50% in? Okay, I'm paying attention now. Best part of the book thus far, I cackled.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book but didn't love it. I don’t necessarily need to relate to the characters to enjoy a story, but I couldn't help but wish I had something to cling to as this group of friends was discussed over the years. It was kind of fun to peer into their lives in a nosey, tell-me-all-the-gossip type of way, but some of the parts really stretched for me.

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 such a simple book but i was obsessed and just wanted to know what was going on in everyones lives

[Pauline Cross · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book hit incredibly close to home.

Grant Ginder’s So Old, So Young follows a tight-knit group of six college friends across two decades and five distinct social gatherings. It acts as a perfect, sometimes painful mirror for anyone navigating that adult life stage where school friends begin to drift into their own busy lives. Whether it is a demanding career, raising a growing family, or simply relocating, this book captures the exhausting friction of trying to keep things "just the same as before" when your paths no longer match.

What makes this story so brilliant is its structure. By dropping us only into major milestones over 20 years, Ginder perfectly mimics the cadence of modern adult friendships. We don't see the day-to-day drift. Instead, we feel the exact whiplash of reuniting with people who look familiar but whose daily realities have become completely foreign.

The book highlights the unspoken tension that develops when some friends are deep in the trenches of childcare and domestic life, while others are entirely consumed by corporate ladders or personal independence. As much as you want to remain close, Ginder shows that time and circumstance are unyielding. The drift doesn't happen out of malice; it happens out of a simple, exhausting lack of bandwidth.

While reading, I was constantly reminded of a podcast by Mel Robbins where she explains why keeping friends as an adult is so uniquely difficult. She talks about how adult friendships require a massive shift from proximity and convenience to extreme intentionality. In adulthood, free time is a heavily rationed resource.

So Old, So Young is the fictional proof of that exact thesis. Ginder shows that trying to force adult relationships into old, youthful molds is an emotional trap.

Ginder balances sharp wit with a bittersweet, elegiac tone. It doesn't offer easy fixes, but it provides immense comfort through validation. It reminds us that drifting from school friends is not a personal failure, but a natural tax of growing up. If you've ever sat in the quiet loneliness of your busy adult life wondering where your friends went, read this book.

[Lee-Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

So Old, So Young filled my cup. This is a story of six friends navigating adulthood right after college through their early 40’s. The novel takes place at five different parties/weddings through the years, and one funeral at the end, which I thought was a unique plot line and really kept my interest. I do love a literary fiction novel that spans decades with messy characters, and that is just what I got. The novel touches on relationships - both friend and romantic, addiction, parenting, infidelity, divorce, miscarriage, and the general feeling of time slipping by as we get older – did we miss out on something somewhere along the way? What would life have been like if we made different decisions at pivotal moments? How did we get here?

The writing seamlessly transitions from current day to flashbacks, sometimes in the same paragraph. That sounds confusing, but I did not find it so. It felt like you were in the mind of the characters, reliving a memory. This is my first novel by this author, and I loved his style.

The characters are all Millennials, but as a “young” Gen X’er I really appreciated the feelings this book made me feel. I'm in my nostalgia era, and this one hit hard. It seems as though I was 22 about 15 minutes ago too, and here I am, a stone’s throw from 50. Life is weird that way. So old, so young.

[chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

im sitting here sobbing 😭 i love books that are heartbreaking but hopeful and this book is exactly that, i probably laughed the same amount of times that i cried. this is definitely a top read of 2026 and ill be shouting about this book from the rooftops for the rest of the year!!!

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m a sucker fo a decades-spanning friendship saga and this was a pretty solid one. We check in with Mia’s college friend group at different events of their lives to see how everything unfolds - would make a great tv show.

[Payal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sad and pathetic and miserable people making dumb decisions and blaming others for them. I couldn't care about anyone. The last 30% was very interesting. Rtc? Idk. Literally poured all my thoughts out to bhavya in our chats that idts I have any left to write here. Also I am no millennial to related to these characters. But I did love the time jumps, multi third pov and writing was simple yet a little impactful (?) Idk how to explain this but all the miserable things these characters were feeling are something i am yet to experience so I def couldn't relate with them but honestly getting yet another explanation of why life will be miserable as I grow older felt about right. Thr audiobook was great with the full cast production.

~~~~~~~
I have been seeing this book a lot on my grs for the past month and the blurb sounds so interesting ik ik, I am as surprised as y'all to see that I read the blurb of a book. starting the br with my loveliest bhavya