The Bedroom Gap: Rewrite the Rules and Roles of Sex in Midlife

by Maria Sophocles

A roadmap for midlife women, couples, clinicians and anyone wanting to understand—and change—the societal, historical and physiological effects of our Sexspan.

Sex in midlife can be a bumpy road, especially for women. Our bodies change with age, and those changes can lead to shame, confusion, and the loss of intimacy. The Bedroom Gap shows us how society developed destined-to-fail gender roles and expectations in the bedroom and makes clear how we can level the playing field between midlife men and women.

This groundbreaking yet easily accessible guide not only clarifies the physical changes of menopause and how they affect sex in midlife, it also details how we can treat those changes, reframe our views on pleasure and desire, narrow the discrepancy in sexual functioning between middle age men and women, and optimize sexual pleasure after 40.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Science, Parenting

Audible Audio

Published February 10, 2026

Reviews

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I will be recommending to all of my friends. We all know that menopause brings mood swings and hot flashes, but how it affects intimacy is rarely mentioned. Some of this book will feel familiar if you’ve read other menopause books, or Come As You Are. In the end, this book felt like having a conversation with my really cool aunt, who was spilling alllll the tea in ways my mom would never.

[Sarah Kay · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a rule of thumb, women should learn about their bodies well before age-related changes begin.

This book serves as an engaging, intimate guide that offers a close-up look at what women experience as they age, particularly around the often hushed topic of bedroom intimacy and bodily change.

I learned far more than I expected, largely because so much of this information is simply not taught, neither at a young age nor in formal education. The book fills in those gaps with clarity, compassion, and reassurance, making complex and sensitive topics feel approachable rather than daunting.

A special note on the audiobook: the narration was excellent. Hearing the author read it herself, calm, gentle, and lightly humorous, added an extra layer of warmth and trust, making the listening experience feel personal and supportive.

Thank you, NetGalley for this audiobook ARC.

[Anna Makowska · Rating 5 out of 5]

It seems menopause is still a taboo subject, especially in connection to sexual health and satisfaction. This book's goal is to dispel the myths and remove the veil of shame around the subject. It's no secret that our culture values youth in women and connects it to beauty and health standards, while women of menopausal age are left neglected or made feel undesirable. Our culture is also full of sexism, where men are valued more than women and women are often evaluated through the lens how they can be of use to men, or how their sexual health is only of concern in reproductive age.

This book tackles those subjects, bringing to light flaws in the whole healthcare system: doctors aren't educated enough about female sexual health or menopause, especially when it comes to intersectional patients like trans people of either gender or disabled people; medical tests and research is more commonly conducted on men, women were often excluded because the society cares more about potential negative effects to fetuses these women could be carrying than potential positive effects towards women as a group; women are still often dismissed and their concerns minimized during doctor visits; big pharma was very interested how much money they could make from viagra, but mysteriously doesn't see women as a customer base with the same paying potential, etc.

This book combines educational approach towards anatomy and physical health with awareness campaign how specific biases leave women, especially older women, at a disadvantage. It teaches about impact of menopause and hormonal changes on overall bodily health with emphasis on sexual health, and suggests possible treatments to counter negative impact of menopause. It also emphasizes that we as a society need to adjust how we view sex, from performance-oriented and male-pleasure-focused, to more holistic, emotional and individual approach. And finally, it points out gaps in education, both when it comes to teaching ordinary people about anatomy, sex, and effects of aging, and how the education of medical professionals is lacking.

Most importantly, it attempts to dispel myths and reduce shame around the subjects of menopause and how it intersects with sexual health and satisfaction, and encourages people who are struggling to seek treatments rather than view it as an unsolvable issue or an isolated case they'd feel guilt and shame about.

I recommend this book to anyone who wants to get educated better about the impact of menopause on sexual health, anyone who considers this subject shameful, mysterious or confusing. It's written by a long practitioning doctor, but with easy to understand, approachable, bite-sized style.

ARC gifted as a courtesy of Grand Central Publishing / Balance through Netgalley. I'm leaving my honest opinion as a voluntary review.

To be honest, I wasn't initially sure whether I should accept the ARC, it's a bit odd to have my Netgalley's reviewer profile be "fantasy fiction and sex ed. non-fiction", but I thought the subject is important enough it's worth spreading the word about the book.
Expected publication date: 10 of February, 2026.

Favourite quote:
"The likelihood of a female orgasm seems inversely proportional to having a penis in the room." (ch.6) 😆
Apparently according to statistics, most genders and sexual orientations experience orgasms during sex around 85-90% of the time, with the exception of heterosexual women, for whom it's closer to 2 in 3 chances.

[Jo Rivera · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative. I appreciate her candid focus on the hormonal and bodily changes women go through during perimenopause and menopause. She even throws in a bit of humor along with a massive amount of encouragement for women to pursue and OWN our sexual desires and pleasures. A must read for women and men alike to maintain a healthy sex life as we age.

[Emi Yoshida · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an important and well-written book! I am recommending it widely and wildly. I was sad to miss the chance to hear the author speak on this in person, yet so glad to have gotten to read this gem. The author, Dr Sophocles, is an ob/gyn focusing on menopause so this book delivers a comprehensive look at the history, global data, and current therapies available, including scientifically sound advice about vaginal estrogen and testosterone.

But don’t be thinking this is a sad chronicle of the decline of vaginal health or an angry diatribe against intersectional sexism and ageism; it is full of so much wisdom on many aspects of the female midlife body, like the specifics of arousal, desire, and pleasure, and how to increase all that plus effectively advocate for and communicate about women’s needs. I applaud the straightforward demand for a complete overhaul in sex education for kids, and for medical providers.

[Lindy Dierks · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought his book did a great job with solid information on how women's bodies are changing during perimenopause and menopause. It tackles the sexual aspect and intimacy that women deal with during midlife. I am deep into perimenopause and I was definitely curious about sex during menopause I feel like it's not something that talked about. I definitely learned a lot more than I expected from listening to this audiobook. I thought the author did a great job narrating. It's always appreciated when the author narrates their own non-fiction book. It just helps emphasize those important points! This is a must read for anyone nearing perimenopause/menopause. I received this book from Hachette Audio and NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

[Sheri · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the US and many parts of the world we learn that men are the sexual beings and women should submit to them. This book explores where those beliefs started and why they are wrong. It also explores menopause and the changes this leads to for women and men. What I loved most is the author placed the responsibility for helping patients with everyone. Medical providers, medications, women and men, media, school education- everyone has something to contribute to make menopause more manageable for everyone.

A great book to read through and pull out to reference later. It includes some exercises to try as well.

[Tori · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is primarily geared toward menopausal and postmenopausal women; however, the author does an excellent job exploring sexual health and its history across different ages and sexualities. I didn’t enjoy the book at first, but by the end, I found myself truly appreciating it. The author’s research is thorough, and the discussion is thoughtful and multifaceted.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with this ARC!

[Christa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book dives into a topic we really don’t talk about enough. Maria Sophocles explains women’s sexual health in a clear, straightforward way and doesn’t sugarcoat anything. It’s informative, empowering, and backed by real research. I will definitely recommend this book to my friends. Thank you to Net Galley and Hachette Audio for the opportunity to read this interesting book!

[Nima Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for every woman! Informative, helpful, practical, and game-changing.

Thank you to #Netgalley and #HachetteAudio for this ARC.

[Reilly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for the ALC!
Highly recommend this one. I found the title a bit misleading - it was super informative and perimenopause and menopause, it wasn’t all about sex. It felt like this information should be more accessible than it has been in the pasty, considering it could impact half the population so I’m glad this book is out there. Some information was a repeat for me but I did learn a lot.
The audiobook was excellent! Easy to follow and understand. Clear and concise.