PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR AS A YOUNG ANARCHIST
1917-18-19,
While things were going on in Europe,
Our most used term of scorn or abuse
Was "bushwa." We employed it correctly,
But we thought it was French for "bullshit."
I lived in Toledo, Ohio,
On Delaware Avenue, the line
Between the rich and poor neighborhoods.
We played in the jungles by Ten Mile Creek,
And along the golf course in Ottawa Park.
There were two classes of kids, and they
Had nothing in common: the rich kids
Who worked as caddies, and the poor kids
Who snitched golf balls. I belonged to the
Saving group of exceptionalists
Who, after dark, and on rainy days,
Stole out and shat in the golf holes.
PAST AND FUTURE TURN ABOUT
Autumn has returned and we return
To the same beach in the last hours.
The Phoenix and the Tortoise is finished.
The gratuitous discipline of finality
Falls on our lives and shapes our ends.
Ourselves as objectives, our objects,
Pass from our hands to the hands of time.
Reconsidering and revising
My life and the meaning of my poem,
I gather once more within me
The old material, sea and stone.
The green spring that comes in November.
With the first rains has restored the hills.
Seals are playing in the kelp beds.
As the surf sweeps in they can be seen
Weaving over one another in
The standing water. In the granite
Cliffs are swarms of dark fish shaped patches
Of rock oriented to the flow lines
Of the hot magma. Nobody knows
Exactly what caused their formation
Deep in the blind earth under the blind
Jurassic world, under the dead
Franciscan series, what disorder,
What process. On the wet sand lie
Hundreds of jellyfish with pale
Lavender organs at their hearts.
The sun will dry them and leave only
A brittle film. There are more hundreds
Pulsing through the water, struggling
Against the drive of the rising tide.
Down the beach beyond a tangle
Of barbed wire an armed sentry stands,
Gazing seaward under his helmet.
Carapace or transfiguration –
History will doubtless permit us
Neither. Eventually the will
Exhausts itself and turns, seeking grace,
To the love that suffers ignorance
And time’s irresponsibility.
The Cross cannot be climbed upon.
It cannot be seized like a weapon
Against the injustices of the world.
“No one has ever seized injustice
In his bare hands and bent it back,
No one has ever tried to smash evil,
Without smashing himself and sinking
Into greater evil or despair.”
The Satanic cunning represents
Itself as very strong, but just
A trifle weaker than its victim.
This is the meaning of temptation.
The Devil does not fool with fools.
It is easy to read or write
In a book, “Self realization
Is responsible self sacrifice.”
“The will to power, the will to live,
Are fulfilled by transfiguration.”
“The person is the final value;
Value is responsibility.”
As the world sinks in a marsh of blood,
You won’t raise yourself by your bootstraps,
However pious and profound.
Christ was not born of Socrates,
But to a disorderly people,
In an evil time, in the flesh
Of innocence and humility.
"The self determining will." What self?
What determination? History
Plays its pieces - "The Japanese
Adventure was shaped on the countless
G'oto tables of a hundred years."
Black slowly immobilizes white.
Evil reveals its hidden aces.
As the Philosopher obserserves,
"Fear is the sentiment of men
Beaten and overcome in mind,
Confronted by an imminent evil
Which they take to be too much for them
To resist and more than they can bear."
And again, appropriately, in the Rhetoric,
"We are never afraid of evil
When we are in the thick of it
And all chance of escape has vanished.
Fear always looks to flight, and catches
With the fancy's eye some glimpse
Of an opening for the avoidance
Of evil."
"O my father, all things
Are possible unto Thee, if it be
Possible let this cup pass from me.
Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine."
The self determining will accepts
The responsibility of all
Contingency. What will? What self?
The Cross descends into the world
Like a sword, but the hilt thereof
Is in the heavens. Every man
Is his own Adam, left to itself,
The self unselfs itself, the will
Demands autonomy and achieves
It by a system of strategic
Retreats - the inane autonomy
Of the morally neuter event.
Conversion, penitence, and grace -
Autonomy is a by product
Of identification.
What was our sacrifice worth?
Practically nothing, the waste
Of time overwhelms heroes,
Pyramids and catastrophes.
Who knows the tropical foci
Of the Jurassic ice flows?
Who has seen the frozen black mass
That rushes upon us biding
Its light years? Who remembers
The squad that died stopping the tanks
At the bridgehead? The company
Was bombed out an hour later.
Simonides is soon forgotten.
The presence of the unfound
Future is the pressure of the lost
Past, the brain stiffens with hope,
And swims in hallucination
Beating its spinal column
Like a flagellate in a mild
Solution of alcohol,
And pressed against it, mantis
To mantis, the cobwebbed body -
the caput abdominale.
As for that thin entelechy,
The person, let him wear the head
Of the wolf, in Sherwood Forest.
We return? Each to each, one
To another, each to the other?
Sweet lovely hallucination -
The sea falls through you, through the gulf
Of wish - last spring - what was value?
The hole itself cuts in its self
And watches as it fills with blood?
The waves of the sea fall through
Our each others indomitable
As peristalsis.
Autumn comes
And the death of flowers, but
The flowered colored waves of
The sea will last forever
Like the pattern on the dress
Of a beautiful woman.
Nineteen forty two and we
Are selves, strained, fixed and mounted
On the calendar - and the leaves
Fall easily in the gardens
Of a million ruins.
And deep
In the mountains the wind has stopped
The current of a stream with only
A windrow of the terribly
Red dogwood leaves.