Late Fragments: Everything I Want to Tell You

by Kate Gross

Ambitious and talented, Kate Gross worked at Number 10 Downing Street for two British Prime Ministers whilst only in her twenties. At thirty, she was CEO of a charity working with fragile democracies in Africa. She had married 'the best looking man I've ever kissed' – and given birth to twin boys in 2008. The future was bright.

But aged 34, Kate was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. Now terminal, it is clear that she will die before her children finish primary school and probably before they reach the grand old age of 6.

She began to write as a gift to herself, a reminder that she could create even as her body tried to self-destruct. Written for those she loves,her book is not a conventional cancer memoir; nor is it filled with medical jargon or misery. Instead, it is Kate's powerful attempt to make sense of the woman who has emerged in this strange, lucid final chunk of life.

Kate should have been granted decades to say all that she says in these pages. Denied the chance to bore her children and grandchildren with stories when she is fat and old, she offers us all her thoughts on how to live; on the wonder to be found in the everyday; the importance of friendship and love; what it means to die before your time and how to fill your life with hope and joy even in the face of tragedy.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Grief, Book Club, Death, Biography Memoir

256 pages, Hardcover

First published January 5, 2015

Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

By the end of this clear-eyed, charming cancer memoir, I felt I knew Kate Gross as a dear friend. A high-flying British civil servant who worked with Tony Blair and Gordon Brown and later helped Blair found an NGO in Africa, she was shocked to learn in her early thirties that her occasional ‘bottom trouble’ was end-stage colon cancer with liver metastases. “I’m a golden girl, a people-pleaser, something who is used to graft and a pleasant smile being rewarded,” she writes, yet here was a situation she could not control. She died at age 36 in 2014.

In her short but carefully structured book, she balances a brief recounting of her life with observations about terminal illness and trying to ensure a good future for her five-year-old twin sons. Throughout she uses playful shorthand: cancer is “the Nuisance,” she spent her sullen adolescent years as a “grub,” her career days were about “trying to save the world, one paperclip at a time,” and her boys are “the Knights.” The title phrase is from Raymond Carver, a key point of reference here; Gross includes passages from many literary works that meant something to her (see the Bibliography for a full list).

Memoirs by people facing death can often skirt close to cliché, but I felt Gross had fresh things to tell me about many subjects:

Cultivating “bitter gratitude”: “How strange, how brilliant it is that this awareness of wonder, this sense of the sublime, has been so closely intertwined with my illness as it has progressed.”

The value of literature: “Reading is an experience by which we connect ourselves to what we are, to this magnificent, awful life, in which the same grooves are being scored over and over again in different times and tongues.”

Sharing yourself with others: “We can choose what we reveal of ourselves … The more you show, the more you seek, the more involved you are with mankind.”

How to act around the dying: “we don’t expect great words of wisdom or solace. I just want this shit to be acknowledged”

I appreciated the encouragement to remember what gave you joy when you were younger, what at age 10 felt like the most worthwhile things you could be doing, and get back to those as much as possible. Gross doesn’t believe in an afterlife beyond her children’s memory and this book – “nothingness-with-benefits.” I could sympathize with her picture of death, “me in the back of a black taxi, leaving an awesome party before the end, just when everyone else was starting to have real fun.” I wish she’d had longer at the party, but I’m glad she left these thoughts behind.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in one sitting last night and was incredibly inspired by the legacy Kate has left in writing this uplifting yet honest look at her heartbreaking situation; having to leave a husband and twin boys as she has terminal cancer. A book which made me reconsider what really is important in life. Rest in Peace Kate, I never knew you but you've made me realise I need to take more time to see the wonder in the little things.

[Joselito Honestly and Brilliantly · Rating 5 out of 5]

The dedication of this book reads:


“There are two copies of this book that matter. There are two pairs of eyes I imagine reading every word. There are two adult hands which I hope will hold a battered paperback when others have long forgotten me and what I have to say. I write this for Oscar and Isaac, my little Knights, my joy and my wonder.”


Oscar and Isaac were her twins, around three years old when she was diagnosed with a stage four cancer, and who were both about five years old when she passed away. The death sentence that was her cancer came with only some vague warnings (which she ignored), at a time when she appeared to have a very promising future ahead of her: a brilliant career, financial security, a loving husband and their two young boys. She had written this book with a full, conscious awareness that the end of her life is near and inevitable. She passed away in the Christmas morning of 2014 aged just thirty-six.


Dying, weakened by the disease and the futile attempts at a treatment, her prose nevertheless came with remarkable power, haunting at times, as if all the remaining energy within her mind and wasting body, sensing the overwhelming forces that would soon snuff them into oblivion had decided to retreat, regroup and make their one last stand in their chosen place of rest and make their final statement to the world.

The cadence of the author’s grief, controlled yet searing, pulls you in page after page. She’d talk about her imagined self, old at eighty; her longed for daughter who will never be; the times of her boys’ lives which she will never see. She who loved to travel, at one point seemingly engaged in a bargain—she thought of how wonderful it would be, even if she would have to stay in one place all her life, maybe in her room as an invalid, if only she’d live long enough to see her two boys grow, finish their studies, marry, have children and raise their own families. But she knew this won’t be, just like the daughter she had imagined she would have had.

Inside her room, where she did most of her writing, she composed and left us with this gem of a thought:

“I have told the story of two hinterlands, in the hope that they will help you decipher your own. But I think I must end this chapter with a warning. It is too easy, as an adult, to let life rush past with its business of succeeding, working, consuming, rearing. All of that can be joyful and fulfilling, I grant you. But it is so, so easy in the rush of lift neglect your inner world. I know mine was dead for many years, squeezed between work and achieving STUFF and my darling little ones—it’s a choice I made, and gladly. But one of the unexpected blessings of illness is that it has given me time to tend my mind again. And how I have enjoyed this, how much pleasure and solace it has provided even when things have been at their bleakest. I can see my own hinterland, and that means I can see other people’s too. Conversations have become more than merely transactional exchanges (‘How are you?’, ‘What are you up to?’). I talk about things that really matter. My voice—quiet for too long—roars. Even as one little room becomes my everywhere, I roam the wide plains of my mind. When I finally stop reading, I will be read to, departing this world as I arrived in it, with the sound of stories echoing in my ears.”

[Carole Mills · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not really sure how to describe this book. I enjoyed it immensely in parts and other parts went straight over my head!

Obviously, a very sad & poignant story, but told in Kate's upbeat & off the wall manner. I totally admire her courage and practical way of dealing with her situation.

However, some of the musings were too deep for me and about subjects that I have little interest in and that's the reason with only giving it 3 stars.

[Ocean · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love biographies and I love memoirs but this was different to most I had read before, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in either of those categories. The book is cut into chapters, that more or less represent areas of her life (her upbringing, her love life, the relationship with her parents, friends, children etc..). I personally did not quite enjoy that editing although I am sure that it made things clearer than it would have been otherwise. I feel terrible for rating and reviewing this "badly" but I could not relate to anything in here, even though Kate certainly wrote a lot more about life than death and matters that are fairly universal. It was all too "light" for me. The topic isn't. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to know that you are soon going to die leaving behind your husband and young twin boys as well as the rest of your life, it's a terrible situation of course and I could only empathise but there was not enough material for me to enjoy it. Maybe because of time limitations or because the writer didn't want to fall into a sappy cliche, or because this was just not meant to be an essay on life and death, but still what was in here was very deja vu. After all she wrote this book so her loved ones could enjoy it and I am certain that they did/will, with the few anecdotes and after all it is quick paced and her writing style is good, it's just not for me.

[Connie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I own this book.

This book is devastating. In every imaginable way. Kate Gross is 34 when she is diagnosed with stage four cancer, she has two young kids aged 3, she is the CEO of a charity group, she has worked in politics her whole life, she loves her husband. This is a collection of stories written when she knew she was going to die to her two young sons, Oscar and Isaac. The stories range from her diagnosis, to finding joy in the smallest things like a red coat on Clapham Common, to how she feels about losing her future and the future she imagined for herself and her family that now has to exist without her. This whole book will just rip your heart out. I'm convinced mine is going to get water logged from my tears. The end note from her mother is heartbreaking. Kate died on Christmas in 2014 aged 36. This book is such an insight to how she feels and what she wishes her children knew about her and what she hopes they know about the world. Devastating book.

[Carolinemawer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Like those (few) others not liking this book, I feel hesitant to criticise this book
But surely, it was written for her family - especially her children.
And why leave your children with bad memories?

[carole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kate Gross admits to being a control freak.without this attribute,she says herself this book would not have been possible.Her inspiration book is a legacy for her Knights as she calls her twin boys.
Having no choice when you leave your children due to cancer. She made this book not only her story,but that of her husband and boys and her extended family and friends.
She has given us an insight of her coping strategies, some which may have been seen as unconventional.
However regardless of how she viewed herself growing up ( as a grub in her teenage years )
She had left us to realise we must use our time wisely.
Regardless of how long we have or think we have.
Time is a commodity spent wisely doing not only what we love. But including who we love most dearly.
RIP Kate Gross you certainly left your inspirational mark on my soul.

[Lucy Lang · Rating 5 out of 5]

This soul-searching memoir was not at the top of the Sunday Times reading list for nothing! I really enjoyed getting to know Kate Gross through the pages of her beautifully told story, which was a sad story, but there was never any self pity. I'm sure her boys will delight in discovering what their mother was like.

[Gemma Hayes · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up from one of those hotel bookcases you find abroad. It's something different to my usual fictional preference.

I did write a more in depth review but upon reflection, I don't really think this book needs or asks for a full review. It is, after all, a deeply personal book written for Kate's sons and not for the public's pleasure.

What I will say however, is that she achieved what she set out to: something beautiful for her two children to read now she's gone.

[Rav E · Rating 2 out of 5]

sorry to hear that you passed away I actually am obviously I'm gonna be upset about that innit but Kate the only thing is you can't force me to like your book or anything yeah and I didn't like it alright

[Olivia Tarn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adore this book. I cannot tell you how many times I have read and re-read this. The reason behind this book is obviously incredibly incredibly heart-breaking, but the novel is outstanding. It makes you appreciate life, and words, in a new way, and I'll always be grateful for that.

This will be an unbelievably long list of quotes, but they are all too beautiful not to write down:

1. "We all have to find wonder for ourselves."
2. "How strange, how brilliant it is that this awareness of wonder, this sense of the sublime, has been so closely intertwined with my illness as it has progressed. How incredible that Ruskin's duty to delight in the world around has grown stronger in me as I have grown weaker."
3. "I am about words. Words are how I understand the world - I read, therefore I am. They are more than a means of expression and a conduit to knowledge: they are the way I see beauty."
4. "The whole of human experience is there in the language we have created. Words allow you not just to express yourself, but to become someone else, for a moment. The capacity to feel empathy, to understand others, to have an imagination - this is what it means to be human, and this is what reading provides."
5. "Now I've fallen, and it's not so bad down here. It seems that I am more than an oyster. I am the sum of all that I've done in the world - the people I've met, the lives I've touched, the choices I've made. The relentless forward motion is gone, but somehow my definition remains."
6. "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." - Sarah Williams
7. "And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so? I did. And what did you want? To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth." - Raymond Carver, Late Fragment

[Angela Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brave, honest, funny, heartbreaking and heavenly book ... essential reading for anyone who has a dying friend or relation for its suggestions about what to do and what not to do when we go to see dying friends or relations and don't know what to do (ask them what they'd like). And essential reading for any young parent who's in the middle of dying too young and leaving behind even younger children. It's also a reflection on 'This Magnificent Life' as the subtitle tells us and is full of wisdom and kindness about life and love ... and how, if ever you have what Kate Gross calls 'a dodgy bottom' remember that a colonoscopy is only valid for five years: ask for another one if five years have gone by and question the specialists about your treatment if you aren't happy that all that can be done is being done.

This is how she ends Late Fragments with a mantra for the living:

Pay attention to the wonder all around you. Get your dodgy bottoms checked out. Always always eat from your very best crockery, because where can we live but days? Be grateful that you love and are beloved.

And read it with a box of kleenex nearby.

[Jessikah Hope · Rating 2 out of 5]

REREAD: 2* so I have massively changed my mind. This book lacks structure and interests me a lot less now than it did four years ago. There's a lot of time spent referencing classic books and discussing politics (including praising politicians I personally don't agree with).

FIRST READ, 2016: 5* The distinct personality which shines through Late Fragments is what makes it so undeniably beautiful. Kate was a control-freak, obsessed with organisation and so brutally, hilariously honest. The way she highlighted the tragedy of her illness as well as the faults in her own behaviour made her book so personal and in that way I felt connected to her. (read the full review: http://readbyjess.blogspot.co.uk/2016...)

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just finished reading and sitting with tears in my eyes. So sad. The way that Kate writes makes this book so relatable in a way that it was really hard to read in places, as well as being very readable. Inevitably it makes you reflect on yourself and relationships with friends and family (my husband and growing family and my original 'five pentagon') and my own memories of the 'grub years'. The life that Kate Gross led was inspiring and undoubtedly happy, even in the final reflective years, months and weeks. The literary references have also added to my reading list. Thanks for the bibliography at the end. I have no doubt that I will read this book again in my life.

[Alex Laycock · Rating 3 out of 5]

although it feels wrong to be critical of anyone writing such a heart felt story,i am afraid i found this book very tedious indeed,seemed to wade about each topic stringing it out,probably more mean to be read by her kids than the general public,hoped it helped her and her family.i guess i bought it as i am always searching for something to make me fully right to the deep spot enlightenment about the length of life and what matters (and so toss away an eating disorder that has robbed me of so many things) which is a very self centered thing to say

[Kirsty · Rating 4 out of 5]

I seem to be reviewing a lot of books of late which I have never heard of, but which catch my eye in my local library. Late Fragments by Kate Gross is one such tome. At the age of 34, Gross, who worked for both Labour Party Prime Ministers Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. She passed away on Christmas morning, 2014, leaving behind her husband and young twin sons. Late Fragments is her searingly honest memoir, which deals with so many elements of her disease, as well as recapturing something of her earlier life. Gross’ writing is beautiful, and highly reflective, as one might expect.

[Jess Hancock · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly inspirational book written by an incredible woman, wife to Billy and mother to the Knights. From the start Kate shows strengthen, self control and determination like no other, upon finding out she has terminal cancer.
Ultimately an eye opener to what is truly important in life.

Kate's advice for the living.....

'Pay attention to the wonder all around you. Get your dodgy bottoms checked out. Always always eat from your very best crockery, because where can we live but days? Be grateful that you love and are beloved.'

[Soleine Leprince-Ringuet · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favourite book, perhaps because I feel very close to Kate as a mother of two small boys working in development! I just re-read it and loved it just as much again, highlighting many passages that help guide my own choices.

[Jess Walker]

Lovely book. Heartfelt and full of the 'real-ness' of life and love and such hearbreakingly sad. Absolutely love the quotes and has helped me with my own grief.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought provoking and so honest

[Hayley Mac · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I've ever read! It's about dying but it's really about living. Extremely beautiful and inspiring. I'm going to tell everybody I know to pick up a copy.

[Jay Green · Rating 4 out of 5]

Immensely moving and dignified.

[Katie Oldham · Rating 3 out of 5]

Echoing the sentiments of many other reviewers, it feels inherently wrong to offer criticism on a piece of work with such delicate and tragic context, but perhaps it's helpful to remember that just because something doesn't affect you, it doesn't mean it's without effect.

I think it's fair to say that we cannot enjoy reading these words more than she enjoyed writing them, but that's not a bad thing. After all, it seems this book was never meant to be a gift for us, rather that to read and honour her words is the gift we extend to her.

I feel it's okay to think this book contains nothing ground-breaking or even really that radical, whilst still appreciating a glimpse into this trinket box of collected thoughts, experiences and influences that allowed one person to make the act of living and dying entirely her own.

I can imagine it's a very different story for those going through something similar, but perhaps those of us who can't really relate should be incredibly grateful for the fact!

[Boar Books]

Read Dan Ewers' full review here: https://theboar.org/2016/07/late-frag...

Late Fragments is a book about perhaps one of the most difficult themes in all of literature: what happens when we are confronted with our own mortality. The book deals with it carefully and effectively and in a way that betrays a writer of much skill and, perhaps more importantly, much heart. Gross writes candidly about her though processes: the emotional turmoil that such a revelation presents people with is calmly and collectedly examined in a heartfelt exploration of her own private world.

[Dora · Rating 2 out of 5]

Like others on here, I do not wish to be unkind as the author, Kate Gross, wrote this after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer but I struggled to understand a lot of it. I suspect her twin sons will be adults before they are able to as well.

She talks too much about her jobs, politics and politicians for my liking. It was nothing like I imagined it would be and felt quite “distant”.

I lost my sister in law just a few weeks ago and thought I would be able to relate to this and pass on words of comfort to her children but this is not a book they would find comfort in I’m afraid.

[chris tervit · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this in one joyous sitting and it moved me so much I promptly ordered a paper copy.
My sister, Niki, died 5 months ago from the same illness - she made it to 53, Kate was 36. The loss is huge.
I feel like so many of Kate Gross’s lines Niki could have lifted and said “that’s it- that’s just how it feels”. There were various echoes of Niki’s determined positivity and lack of sentimentality (when it came to her own cancer journey). Niki had the intellect and way-with-words to write something like this, but she chose- rightly- to be present with us all, not squirrelled away writing. I’m so glad Kate took some of her precious time to offer this gift of a book. I feel it says so many things my sister would have said. So special ❤️

[Imaan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very difficult but important read - it was very generous of Kate Gross and her family to publish this. Her ability to write, and to write so eloquently during a traumatic time is impossible to fathom. I enjoyed reading about her relationships with her family, her husband and her children and I'm so sorry for their loss. I felt very inspired reading about her work and professional aspirations. She shared the quirks of her family, but equally many parts of the story are similar to ours. The quote "love doesn't turn into sainthood just because it is suffused with suffering" was so powerful that it made me stop reading for a bit.

[Denny John · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is difficult to imagine someone who is dying writing this book as it is full of energy and hope. It made me want to find out more about her and the fate of her children and husband. It is full of references to other book she has found inspirational and lots of insights into the mind of a dying person. In the end you get a hint at the essence of what worries a person has when their time is running out but feel that their tasks are incomplete, even though she achieved a lot in her life. Very thought provoking, worth a read.

[sisterimapoet · Rating 3 out of 5]

I spent a fair portion of this book struggling to like Gross, and then feeling guilty about feeling that way about a dead woman. There were plenty of times when we seemed worlds apart as people, but one or two moments towards the end where sparks of recognition drew me closer to her. A powerful book, honest to the point of being quite uncomfortable in places. A treasure for her loved ones, but useful to the rest of us too, reminding us of what surrounds us if we just take a moment to notice.