Найвпливовіша жінка в кімнаті — це ви

by Lydia Fenet, Лідія Фенет, Олена Савінова (Translator)

Книга «Найвпливовіша жінка в кімнаті — це ви» є нонфікшном із саморозвитку від американської авторки Лідії Фенет. Вона ділиться секретами професійного успіху, які вивела з особистого досвіду роботи на посаді віцепрезидентки аукціонного дому Christie’s. Авторка впевнена: щоб прокласти шлях до омріяного життя, слід дослуховуватися свого внутрішнього голосу. Утім, як діяти, коли його ледь чути, або коли його приглушують думки та переконання колег? Відповідь на це питання знаходиться в назві книги: потрібно повірити у себе, підняти власну самооцінку та показати силу характеру — і Лідія Фенет розповість, як це зробити.

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Self Help, Leadership, Feminism, Personal Development, Womens

288 pages, Hardcover

First published April 9, 2019

Reviews

[Cathy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is about how a privileged, talented, white woman became extremely successful. The advice itself is pretty basic (be yourself, network, don’t be afraid of failure, etc). I could see it being inspirational for someone in the same demographic as the author, but her success seems to be more a result of her circumstances and talent than the actual advice given.

For example, on “be yourself,” the author goes to great lengths to talk about what a funny person she is, and that was part of what she leveraged to completely transform how charity auctions are done at Christie’s. However, not everyone has that natural charisma that can be unlocked into professional success.

Book still gets two stars because it provides interesting insight into the high-end auction world. I think this would have been better written as a memoir than an advice book.

[Edie Moll · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was such a major disappointment after just reading “Becoming,” “Educated,” and “Where the Crawdads Sing.” She is white and comes from a privileged background. What she “overcame” to get where she is was to ask what she felt like she was worth and a little embarrassment of flubbing a couple of things on stage. I couldn’t finish it. It just went on and on about her great accomplishments and how you can do it, too. Give me a break. The playing field is not that even

[Bailey Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was honestly horrible. I don’t usually say that about a book, as I try to be respectful of the time the author put into it and the lessons I can learn. However, the book is titled “The Most Powerful Woman in the Room is You,” yet it left me utterly disappointed.

This one did not live up to the internet hype, in fact, it was probably one of the most disappointing books I’ve ever read. I stopped at page 125 to skim through the rest to see if my assumptions were proven. They were.

Lydia Fennett talks solely about herself and her auction house experience and her husband and her life and how she’s doing everything right … For the entire book. In essence, it seems like this book was written more to toot her own horn than to actually direct anyone on public speaking, business, selling, etc.

If this book were presented as an autobiographical “how I do it” style book, which is what it was, then I would be more inclined to give a better review. However, it was promoted and styled as a “How YOU Can Become This.” When in reality, it was entirely egotistical. Lydia used the words “I did this…” or “I was the most powerful woman in the room when I did this…” more often than not.

I read a quote from another book on how to tell stories, and it states “Make sure you’re writing for your audience, and not yourself.” (The Power of Storytelling, you can find it in my bookshelves on here.) It seemed to me that Lydia wrote this book for herself, rather than her readers.

I really expected more out of this book, but it was dreadful to get through. I will say my favorite parts are the spotlights that are offered at the end of each chapter. Lydia interviews hundreds of successful women in multiple different fields, and I gained significantly more from those interviews than I did from any page she wrote herself.

[Mimi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lydia shares a fascinating look into the world of auctions and non-profits as the lead benefit auctioneer for Christie's. The reason this only gets 2 stars from me is because she advises readers to fake it til you make it. She has a whole chapter on how you need to be as good as your word and said, lead with the truth wherever you can to gain a reputation that you will be proud of in any crowd, but she also shares two examples where she lied to get ahead and advises that same strategy for others. The writing is self aware and the kind of old fashioned advice given to make it in a man's world (e.g. Did I mention I took auctions until I was nine months pregnant with each of my kids?).

There are nuggets of good advice in here (e.g. A work hack I love to pass along to anyone who complains about not being able to get to their boss for answers is to use "travel times." and Whenever possible, meet in person.) but I would like to have seen this written after another 20 years with more balanced experience and introspection.

[Ashley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Obviously, any book that has a tidbit by Martha Stewart, my white collar crime baddie icon, gets two stars by default. I appreciated that this book is more about advocating for your self and persuasive techniques rather than #girlboss junk. Buuuut, weird stuff like the whole chapter on Southern women supremacy. Also annoying when upper-class/-middle class white women say things like "We all have the same 24 hours in one day: make the most of it" in one paragraph, then mention their personal assistants, nannies, interns, etc. in the next.

[Silja Sandahl · Rating 2 out of 5]

Where do I start… this book was not good. When I turn to books such as these, I want to leave feeling inspired and having an idea for a few action steps I can implement. This book made me feel like crap about myself - and it’s because the whole book is essentially just the author talking about how amazing she is, how easy everything was to her, and the “advice” in the book is so generic. “Network! Be yourself! Don’t lie!”. I took nothing away from this book, and I think this would’ve done better as a memoir. The author seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that the experiences and opportunities she’s had reek of absolute privilege - and worst of all she just doesn’t acknowledge it at all and instead claims anyone can become a top auctioneer.

I only finished it because it’s my work’s book club pick. Do not recommend

[Ranya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my god I can not express how much I love this book. I listened to the audio version and all I could think off is how much I wish I've gotten the physical version because I already know I'll need to come back to some of the chapters again and again.

In my opinion: every woman should own this book!

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS book is the book ALLLLLL those other "I am woman, hear me roar" books wanted to be. Every chapter is full of actually interesting stories that are immediately relatable to each chapter's topics with USEFUL and actionable tips to execute the lessons learned in your own experience. Each chapter concludes with quotes from women of notoriety that reinforces and reflects the high points.

The very MINUTE this book is available for sale I am purchasing 10 copies (one for me and for my nine colleagues) for our Women's Mastermind, adding it to the rotation of both my book clubs (personal and business) and adding to my "Recommended" page on my company's website. I have already put into play three fabulous paradigms offered in this book and plan to incorporate ALL of them.

I have zero doubt this book will eclipse "Girl, Wash Your Face" and "You Are a Badass" - this book is like the older, wiser, more successful and savvier sister who will tell you the REAL deal with charm and insight and support.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, I enjoyed reading this and I think that it did what it set out to do. It was empowering and gave actionable steps towards becoming a powerful woman.

I highlighted a lot of points in the book that I found insightful as a freelancer. However, I thought that the book was too heavy on the memoir part and not heavy-enough on the teaching part. I ended up finding myself disinterested in a lot of the stories she told, but I did appreciate her insights.

[Sarah Jo · Rating 2 out of 5]

I kept waiting for the little nuggets of inspiration and they were too spaced out between stories of herself. The amount of advice she gave is overshadowed by the 85% of talking about her life.

[Merry Ellen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I think this would have been a much better book if it was solely a memoir of her experiences- I would have found that interesting & a valuable read. But the mix of her stories full of name dropping paired with basic motivational business suggestions just came off a little tone deaf & privileged.

[Ellen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars for the advice let, but 4 stars for the anecdotes of the author’s career as a charity auctioneer 🤯

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars so I guess round up to 3. I’m not a big fan of “self help” books but when this was chosen for my work book club I was going to give it a chance. Honestly I thought shat Lydia had to say WAS interesting and wow how amazing she is and how her career has been a success for her. I know that the idea of the book isn’t to focus on her personal story but to take the details of her story and apply it to your own, but I just felt intimidated by her. Like she’s was a dead set to the point always making sure her voice was heard, and good for her nothing wrong with that, but to me the importance of her job and much more than say her personal life. Yes I know this isn’t about her personal life and I loved that a woman like her can rise up and do what she does, but I don’t know there were moments where I just didn’t click with what she was saying.

[V0yag3r · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely relatable and navigates you through how others are killing it. Every thought from Lydia may not work for you but just knowing that someone else is going through everything you are is comforting to read. Highly recommend the audiobook version of this book by Lydia. Some of the questions that rush through my mind when I negotiate for a salary “Did I ask for too much money?”, these are hard conversations that not everyone shares openly, but Lydia walks through the situation on how to not second guess yourself and own it. Highlights how every situation can be looked at from a new point of view and gives good examples of how women have tried different approaches to achieve success. Love the book, mainly because it was a good read and was relatable.

[Tatenda Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Write out a road map that will help you achieve your goal -Show up everyday with a smile on your face -Preparations, focus and hardwork are important to achieving success in any aspects of your life. - Patience is a virtue -Show up dressed appropriately for an event and act professionally -Your reputation is everything -Be prepared -Hardwork and practice will ultimately help you obtain everything in life. -A strong work ethic is important -Be an architect of your own success -Create your own story line -Lead by example -Set goals, articulate the goals and follow through. -networking is important - always show gratitude - you can attain anything that you set your mind to in life

[Isabela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like I've read so many "you can do it" books that most of them all start to mesh and give similar advice. However, this book was DIFFERENT. It not only had the motivation, manifestation, be brave, trust yourself tips but it also spoke about the huge importance of owning our finances and growing our networks. The author gave examples of how she's worked her ass off and not only manifested it and how she's put herself out there, embarrassed herself, failed and ultimately learned, grown and succeeded. Definitely worth a read.

[Adrianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

By far the easiest to read - self help/motivation book for females looking for guidance in the business realm. I feel like I share a lot of the same exact characteristics as the author, some of the same trains of thought and the extra pearls of wisdom she dishes out for people that think like me…we’re absolutely superb. It also was quite poetic that much of her professional life is based in NYC as that’s where the next part of my story begins!

[Mandi Ehman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book, and there is absolutely great advice in it. But while I want to work hard and build my career, I'm over hustle culture, and I just can't fathom living like Lydia Fenet. It sounds both exhausting and unfulfilling to work a full time job, host auctions at night, and see your young children for just a couple hours a day. I had hoped to pass this on to my college daughters, but I'm not sure it's at all a lifestyle I want them to pursue.

[Dee Rodriguez Giarla]

UPDATE: Well, well well...after ruminating...it lit a fire in me to come in with a game plan for a new position & raise to our COO so I guess there was value in this after all...

Did I read the same book as the lady I networked with? This book was recommended to me and she raved about it... it is more of a memoir of a woman in the auction business and how she moved her way up.

I think it is common sense stuff and I didn't take much away from it.

[Alisha Anaya · Rating 3 out of 5]

each chapter didn’t necessarily stick to the theme (or lesson/advice/whatever). good lessons, taken w a grain of salt bc white woman w v privileged background. wouldn’t have minded hearing about more actual struggles overcome, but alas!

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really found this book to be motivating! I loved her story of not taking no for an answer to get the internship.

[Sarah Levine · Rating 3 out of 5]

- Company Book Club

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Nancy Drew was an auctioneer, she would personify Lydia Fenet. Confident, talented, kind, extroverted are all words that describe the author. It is obvious she had a great upbringing, one that instilled a can do attitude. This book was like many autobiographies I love to read that showcase superior human development. What I gained was a new perspective on the importance of not only being prepared and working hard, but also connecting in a real way with tons of people who may one day help you in your quest for excellence.

I know I am not as confident or talented as the author, but I appreciate her advice about how to be a powerful woman!

Move over Nancy Drew, I found my new ego ideal!

I highly recommend this book to women everywhere who are beginning their careers, whether in the office or at home!

[Ridley Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

Writing this down so I don’t forget. Loved this so much and found it so inspiring. Having also gone to Sewanee, I felt so connected to Lydia despite never meeting her and not knowing anything about her until I picked up this book. In the acknowledgements she writes, “When I drove up the mountain through the gates of Sewanee, I had no way of knowing that the friendships I would make in those four years would be the most incredible friendships of my life.” She goes on to mention Gorgas and midnight runs to the cross - really says it all. I loved this familiar close to such an incredible life. I want to be like Lydia.

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book to read and reflect on. I met Lydia in person at one of her readings in San Francisco and she was just as genuine in person as she is in her book. She really cares about helping to lift other woman. I think the biggest takeaway was her chapter in the "Southern Charm". The Thank You notes to folks who help you are so important. I've learned this in the past and it's helped me. It was a great reminder to do this for folks who are helping me now. Quick read and fun to learn about this pretty inspiring woman with 3 kids to boot!

[Caitlin Kunkel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I saw Lydia speak and immediately bought and read this book. Lots of useful advice on selling, yes, but more importantly on the immense value of networking and creating a viable road map for your life - even if it takes you a while to get there. The writing voice is full of energy and it's a very enjoyable read. Bought it for a friend as soon as I finished!

[Gabrielle S · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good story teller and obviously a go getter, but not empowering coming from someone who is privileged. Would not recommend.

[April Helms · Rating 1 out of 5]

I won this book through a drawing. I knew there might be problems from the first chapter, and ultimately, I just could not finish this one. In many ways that's a shame. Fenet is actually an engaging story teller. I really liked her personal stories about how she conducted, and later changed, how she conducted auctions at Christie's. There were times she made me laugh out loud.

The problem is this is supposed to be an advice book, and a lot of the advice is questionable to put it mildly. I'll give two examples: the moment I realized I may not finish the book, and the moment I closed the book and thought "yep, I'm done here!"

In the first chapter, Fenet describes how she managed to get an internship and Christie's. She got the contact information of the person in charge in interns, applied, and then called... and called.... and called... until she managed to wheedle her way into a sort of modified internship. Now, one, she admits that this was before caller id, so this would not work today. I'd also point out that in this day and age, your calls would not only be ignored (best case scenario), you would likely be served with a cease and desist order, be declared persona non grata on the property, and blacklisted from the industry you were hoping to get into. Even more egregious, a friend of hers was the one who set her up with the contact. Fenet's hyper-aggressive behavior could have easily put her friend's job in jeopardy. That is a no-no. Period. If you get an inside connection into a company, you treat it like gold and remember at all times that your behavior is going to reflect back on your friend. I've head of companies that no longer take inside recommendations because of problems they've had in the past.

The final straw was an anecdote (two anecdotes, actually), which she tried to portray as Queen Bee syndrome, and where she was pleading for women to stop tearing each other down and support each other. Now, I know Queen Bee syndrome exists, I've seen it. I've been a victim of it (thankfully not recently). I have no issue with the message of supporting and empowering other women (or anyone, for that matter). But one story she shared was about a conversation she overheard about someone who had just started her own business, and one woman was complaining about how she always seemed to be selling something. The other story was one Fenet got from someone else about her, about how someone snidely said that Fenet was good at selling herself.

Again, I know Queen Bee syndrome is an issue, but in both cases, the women being talked about need to do some soul searching. There is a razor fine line between being assertive and being obnoxious. People don't like being pitched to, unless they are seeking that product, and even then, there are limits. Constant bombardments of "hey, look what I have on sale now!!" are off-putting, and I suspect these women need to dial back- waaaay back- on their sales pitching, especially when their "audience" is assembled for purposes other than purchasing or donating.

[Katie Minion · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. I thought it was really easy to read, and I think a lot of the tips are helpful, including some of the following:

- Always say yes when someone invites you to do something that will allow you to meet more people (the importance of networking).
- You will never know what opportunity a failure will bring you if you're focused on the outcome. Be open to everything.
- Instead of inspiring one person to reach a goal, get a motivated group of people to work toward that goal. The group dynamics of working together toward a joint outcome will be more effective.

It was also just plain interesting to learn about the life and experiences of a high-end charity auctioneer who lives in NYC, which is about as far from my life as you can get.

But Lydia also said a few troubling things in the book that I can't stop thinking about.

First, she idolizes the grind, work-every-second-of-the-day culture that I'm just not that into. In one of the chapters, she shared a day-in-her-life, and it was literally nonstop work from sun up to sun down. She exercised and got her kids dinner, I guess, but those are the only thing she really did that were non-work related. I just do not vibe with that sort of hustle culture. It seems unsustainable and honestly just not very fun. Maybe she likes her job so much that it doesn't feel like work?

Second, she made a troubling comment in the book that I cannot believe got approved by the editing team. In a lesson about how being truthful with people will help you sell better, she said this:

"Let's say that a very large woman comes in with a very large bank account to match. She is immediately drawn to an oversize coat made of feathers that costs an ungodly sum... When the woman comes out looking like a very large chicken, you turn on the charm and encourage her, despite knowing that she looks terrible to purchase the coat [so that you get the commission]... [But} just because you weren't willing to tell her the truth doesn't mean that there won't be someone in her life who will - and someone is eventually going to tell her that she looks like Big Bird. It's just a matter of time."

I'm sorry... WHAT????

THIS is the example you chose to share with us? That you should tell a fat woman that she looks like "Big Bird" in a coat so she can trust you with future clothing purchases?

Just - no. NO NO NO.

So I would actually *not* recommend this book. I think there are other better, kinder, and more relatable women out there who can teach me how to be a better salesperson.

[Saida · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh, joy! I found a book that made me feel so anxious I couldn't even get through more than three chapters.

I wanted to read this book to understand how art auctions work and get some tips on how to present my work better, but sadly, I became too triggered to read it all the way through. Clearly, not a target audience for this piece.

From my perspective, this book is a memoir on how to live a dream: namely, have absolutely no personal life and sacrifice decades of yourself to a corporation that will underappreciate you.

Fenet suggests doing whatever it takes to fake it until you make it by acting as stereotypically masculine as you can because, apparently -

The most powerful woman in the room is a man

Assertiveness - CHECK. Emotional suppression - CHECK. Ambition and competitiveness - CHECK. Supression of empathy - CHECK. Dominance - you know the drill...

Ah, yeah, also the good old "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" vibe.

As you can tell, the book is packed with original advice for the 21st century female.

(IMO lacks empathy, authenticity, and feels highly unrelatable.)

It suggests that women should suppress their emotions and put on a facade when they're at work (and according to the author, you should be at work 14 glorious hours per day, so it means that you should suppress your emotions nearly all the time?). What absolutely made me lost it is when Fenet suggested to have a good cry the night before a negotiation, because emotions have no place in the workplace, even if she practically lived there for the past 10 years.

Conclusion: I don't think I'll ever be able to pull off the author's advice unless I'm popping a cocktail of sedatives. Oh, wait, that's probably what the author would suggest I do.

Pop meds, girrl, until you become a real boy!