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A Private Man
An exquisite slow-burn forbidden love story, laced with passion and faith.
Rome, 1953. David is young, handsome, charismatic and sworn to celibacy. He is freshly ordained, and about to return to England to begin life as a priest. Devotion to God is all he’s ever known.
In London, Margaret is entangled in an impossible love affair. Committed to living on her own terms without sacrificing her faith, she becomes drawn to a women’s movement challenging the archaic rules of the Church.
When their lives are thrown together at a Catholic college in a quiet village, an undeniable connection forms between them. And so begins a story of forbidden love, sacrifice and secrets, with consequences that will reverberate across the generations.
Stephanie Sy-Quia’s A Private Man is a stunning story of devotion and sacrifice, and of the consequences of our actions that ripple throughout generations.
Rome, 1953. David is young, handsome, charismatic and sworn to celibacy. He is freshly ordained, and about to return to England to begin life as a priest. Devotion to God is all he’s ever known.
In London, Margaret is entangled in an impossible love affair. Committed to living on her own terms without sacrificing her faith, she becomes drawn to a women’s movement challenging the archaic rules of the Church.
When their lives are thrown together at a Catholic college in a quiet village, an undeniable connection forms between them. And so begins a story of forbidden love, sacrifice and secrets, with consequences that will reverberate across the generations.
Stephanie Sy-Quia’s A Private Man is a stunning story of devotion and sacrifice, and of the consequences of our actions that ripple throughout generations.
253 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 22, 2026
About the author
Stephanie Sy-Quia
2 books25 followersStephanie Sy-Quia was born in 1995 and is based in London. Her writing and criticism have been published in The Guardian, The White Review, The Boston Review, Granta, The TLS, and others. She is a Ledbury Poetry Critic and has twice been shortlisted for the FT Bodley Head Essay Prize. Her debut Amnion, published by Granta Poetry in 2021, received a Somerset Maugham Award and was a Poetry Book Society Winter Recommendation; was longlisted for the Rathbones Folio and RSL Ondaatje Prizes; and won the Forward Prize for Best First Collection. She is the recipient of an Eric Gregory Award.
Her debut novel A Private Man will be published in 2026 by Picador in the UK, Grove Atlantic in the US and Suhrkamp in Germany.
Her debut novel A Private Man will be published in 2026 by Picador in the UK, Grove Atlantic in the US and Suhrkamp in Germany.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 174 reviews
March 24, 2026
This is a debut novel, inspired by the lives of the author’s grandparents who met at a small Catholic college…
David a priest, Margaret hired on as a teacher there.
This is a story of forbidden love.
Dual timeline.. their early years in the 60’s and in more present time when their grandson is taking care of Margaret with dementia, years after David’s passing, and he learns more of their story.
It was a slow and sensual burn..
Loved it!
Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Atlantic for the gifted ARC, in exchange for my honest review!
David a priest, Margaret hired on as a teacher there.
This is a story of forbidden love.
Dual timeline.. their early years in the 60’s and in more present time when their grandson is taking care of Margaret with dementia, years after David’s passing, and he learns more of their story.
It was a slow and sensual burn..
Loved it!
Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Atlantic for the gifted ARC, in exchange for my honest review!
May 5, 2026
“My grandfather was a Catholic priest. My grandmother was a laywoman.” This is Stephanie Sy-Quia’s ‘s inspiration for this beautifully written love story, a love that begins and grows during the backdrop of the Second Vatican Council in the 1960’s in Rome . By its very nature of the time and place and circumstances under which they meet, one could read it as a commentary in some ways of the Catholic Church and the deliberations on celibacy of priests and the role of women in the church. David is a priest and Margaret an advocate for women both in and out of the church is one of the first women allowed to teach theology at a women’s college. They teach a course together. But for me, there’s no mistaking that at its heart this is an extraordinary love story. Their relationship and feelings grow as they find respect and common ground intellectually and empathetically for women and their struggles. The slow movements of thoughts and emotions as they fall in love, though forbidden, are moving and sensuous emanating a feeling that they were meant to be together in spite of the difficulties they would face.
A dual timeline between the 1960’s and 2018 was a perfect way of revealing the past as a young man cares for his aging grandmother, suffering from dementia. The writing is beautiful and it caught my breath at times .
I received a copy of this from Grove Press through Edelweiss.
A dual timeline between the 1960’s and 2018 was a perfect way of revealing the past as a young man cares for his aging grandmother, suffering from dementia. The writing is beautiful and it caught my breath at times .
I received a copy of this from Grove Press through Edelweiss.
Review of advance copy received from Edelweiss+
Sy-Quia's debut novel tells the story of her badass ancestors: Her grandmother Margaret was a progressive teacher at a Catholic college who studied in Rome and was organized in a women's network, and her grandfather David was a Catholic priest - needless to say, they both paid a high price for their love. Based on a folder with speeches / sermons she found from their time in the church and stories from her family, the author re-constructed and partly fictionalized what happened when her mother's parents were young, and the novel is not only carried by their brave decisions, moral integrity and intriguing life stories, but by the author's skillful composition and held-back tone: She's a renowned poet, and a lesser writer could have easily slipped into melodrama or fallen into the trap of turning the characters' journey into a political pamphlet about how God's personnel on earth is failing at their mission. But Sy-Quia lets three-dimensional, complex characters speak, and frequently, the plot itself - when it's easy to grasp what some events must have meant for David and Margaret, she relies on her readers to feel the heaviness that accompanies the lack of further explanation.
So while it comes with the territory that a story like this amounts to an accusation of the bigotry and outright cruelty of the Catholic church (as a Catholic, I agree with David and Margaret that the church destroys itself from within), this point comes across through the fact that the main characters are devout and honest believers in Catholic moral ethics, which is perversely at the root of their suffering. I particularly applaud the author for writing about the connection between degrading disciplinary measures and the quasi-sexual arousal these bring to those in power (so much for celibacy and sublimation), and the many feminist aspects she discusses, from birth control and abortion over sexual freedom to access to education and positions in the clergy. Smartly, she opposes the base instincts and dogmatic stubbornness of those who oppose the lovers' connection with their intellectual bond, so David's and Margaret's joy in passionately debating important issues and building a connection through meaningful communication (which, you know, religious discourse should be all about).
She also avoids the trap of portraying David's and Margaret's relationship (including their sexual relationship) as some kind of Disney fairy tale: Upholding and nurturing strong interpersonal bonds, especially romantic ones, over many years is hard, and these characters don't want to be magical fairy creatures, they want to be normal human beings with normal human problems and normal private lives (the title is a nod to Antony and Cleopatra). Their deaths are also less than fairy tale-like: The suspense of the text heavily relies on how the author interweaves the destiny of dying Margaret with the look back on her life, driven by grandson Adam (a stand-in for the author) who suddenly learns that his grandfather was once a priest and aims to find out about the past, while Margaret slips further and further into dementia.
A moving read that vibrates in a way that makes readers feel like this must have been an absolute passion project for the author. Let's see whether it will get some nominations in the awards circuit (it should!).
So while it comes with the territory that a story like this amounts to an accusation of the bigotry and outright cruelty of the Catholic church (as a Catholic, I agree with David and Margaret that the church destroys itself from within), this point comes across through the fact that the main characters are devout and honest believers in Catholic moral ethics, which is perversely at the root of their suffering. I particularly applaud the author for writing about the connection between degrading disciplinary measures and the quasi-sexual arousal these bring to those in power (so much for celibacy and sublimation), and the many feminist aspects she discusses, from birth control and abortion over sexual freedom to access to education and positions in the clergy. Smartly, she opposes the base instincts and dogmatic stubbornness of those who oppose the lovers' connection with their intellectual bond, so David's and Margaret's joy in passionately debating important issues and building a connection through meaningful communication (which, you know, religious discourse should be all about).
She also avoids the trap of portraying David's and Margaret's relationship (including their sexual relationship) as some kind of Disney fairy tale: Upholding and nurturing strong interpersonal bonds, especially romantic ones, over many years is hard, and these characters don't want to be magical fairy creatures, they want to be normal human beings with normal human problems and normal private lives (the title is a nod to Antony and Cleopatra). Their deaths are also less than fairy tale-like: The suspense of the text heavily relies on how the author interweaves the destiny of dying Margaret with the look back on her life, driven by grandson Adam (a stand-in for the author) who suddenly learns that his grandfather was once a priest and aims to find out about the past, while Margaret slips further and further into dementia.
A moving read that vibrates in a way that makes readers feel like this must have been an absolute passion project for the author. Let's see whether it will get some nominations in the awards circuit (it should!).
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
“It was every passing pleasure, every pleasure passing; for ever and ever.”
Fleabag but she’s a theology teacher in an English College (not a guinea pig-themed bar owner), they fall in love and their whole world turns upside down. A Private Man is a rollercoaster, and I really liked the experience.
Love happens when we aren’t actively looking for it. It doesn’t surprise me that Margaret and David, our main protagonists, met each other at work. Margaret is an intelligent woman who always speaks her mind, especially when it will get her into trouble. David is a devoted priest, who loves his job and believes in his calling. But when he finds Margaret it’s as if he suddenly realizes he might want something different for his life. Without thinking too much about it, the two start spending more and more time together, and slowly end up falling for each other.
Directly inspired by her grandparents's love story, Stephanie Sy-Quia has managed to write a novel that talks about religion, priesthood, and the position of women inside the Catholic church during the 1950s. The writing is gorgeous, I highlighted so many lines. I loved the focus on sensory details, as well as the descriptions.
I would have loved to read more about the older timeline, especially about Margaret’s involvement with the organization helping women get abortions. Maybe it would have been better if the book solely focused on Margaret and David’s timeline, I feel like the contemporary timeline didn’t add much to the story.
Overall, I really liked this. Don’t let the shortness of this fool you. This novel will leave you with a lot of questions, so I do recommend it.
Thank you to Grove Atlantic for the Advance Copy. All opinions are my own.
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family secrets and a forbidden love story - i’m so excited to finally read this!!
Fleabag but she’s a theology teacher in an English College (not a guinea pig-themed bar owner), they fall in love and their whole world turns upside down. A Private Man is a rollercoaster, and I really liked the experience.
Love happens when we aren’t actively looking for it. It doesn’t surprise me that Margaret and David, our main protagonists, met each other at work. Margaret is an intelligent woman who always speaks her mind, especially when it will get her into trouble. David is a devoted priest, who loves his job and believes in his calling. But when he finds Margaret it’s as if he suddenly realizes he might want something different for his life. Without thinking too much about it, the two start spending more and more time together, and slowly end up falling for each other.
Directly inspired by her grandparents's love story, Stephanie Sy-Quia has managed to write a novel that talks about religion, priesthood, and the position of women inside the Catholic church during the 1950s. The writing is gorgeous, I highlighted so many lines. I loved the focus on sensory details, as well as the descriptions.
I would have loved to read more about the older timeline, especially about Margaret’s involvement with the organization helping women get abortions. Maybe it would have been better if the book solely focused on Margaret and David’s timeline, I feel like the contemporary timeline didn’t add much to the story.
Overall, I really liked this. Don’t let the shortness of this fool you. This novel will leave you with a lot of questions, so I do recommend it.
Thank you to Grove Atlantic for the Advance Copy. All opinions are my own.
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family secrets and a forbidden love story - i’m so excited to finally read this!!
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
We begin this beautiful novel with the discovery of a family secret. Adrian learns of his grandparent's unconventional romance at the funeral of his great uncle. As he begins caring for his elderly grandmother, whose mind is increasingly being lost to dementia, he tries to discover the true story behind their marriage. It is shocking but ultimately a story of real love.
This is an incredibly moving book, which is based on the history of the author's own grandparents. It absolutely took my breath away at times. The prose is lyrical and evocative. Margaret and David's story is not sensationalised, it is simply the story of two people who, despite their circumstances and love of their faith, could not see a life without the other one in it.
An absolutely beautiful book that I would highly recommend.
There are some difficult themes discussed, including domestic violence, abortion and religion. They are dealt with sensitively.
Thankyou very much to Netgalley and Grove Atlantic for the advance review copy. Very much appreciated.
This is an incredibly moving book, which is based on the history of the author's own grandparents. It absolutely took my breath away at times. The prose is lyrical and evocative. Margaret and David's story is not sensationalised, it is simply the story of two people who, despite their circumstances and love of their faith, could not see a life without the other one in it.
An absolutely beautiful book that I would highly recommend.
There are some difficult themes discussed, including domestic violence, abortion and religion. They are dealt with sensitively.
Thankyou very much to Netgalley and Grove Atlantic for the advance review copy. Very much appreciated.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
This is a very slow burn story about forbidden love between a Catholic priest and a theology teacher. I thought I'd love this—it explores themes of faith, love, devotion, and moral conflict, but unfortunately, I mostly found this dull and unengaging. That said, I can see this resonating with other readers, especially if you have a strong interest in Catholicism. Personally, this ended up not being for me. If you enjoy slow, lyrical, writing, you might have a better time.
March 5, 2026
4.5 ⭐️
I do love a good period love story/relationship grounded in a specific time and place, where the story encompasses not only the relationship itself but also social commentary (I'm thinking of favourites in recent years including In Memoriam, Kairos and The New Life).
A Private Man - astonishingly, a debut novel - by Stephanie Sy-Quia is now added to that list. It was listed (deservedly) on The Observer's Best Debut Novels of 2026 list.
That Sy-Quia is a poet is apparent very quickly upon reading the first page. Her use of language, her clean, crisp prose, her elegant turn of phrase make this novel one to relish as you're reading it. I adored the writing, it is breathtakingly good and made all the more lovely by the fact that the story is inspired by the author's own grandparents (her grandfather was a Catholic priest).
The story is set between the 1950s and the present day (and I'd concur with most reviewers on here that the present day story takes a back seat to the historical story that unfolds).
The story focuses on two characters, David and Margaret. We meet David as a young man about to embark on life at a Catholic boarding school. He goes on to join the priesthood in what appears to be less an active choice and more something that happened to him organically or passively.
Margaret is a young woman who, when her friends begin settling down and having a family, takes a different path by availing of the opportunity to become one of the first women to study theology at Regina Mundi in Rome. Her studies awaken in her more questions than answers, and when she is sent to teach in a girls' school in Birmingham, she finds herself under the supervision of Fr David, who has been assigned to his home parish of Rugby.
As David and Margaret become close, an intellectual friendship develops between them that intensifies over time. The relationship is not without its problems - David comes across as a rather pathetic character at times, almost robbed of his masculinity and sexuality by the cassocks and rituals. Margaret is a hero and a rebel! Loved her.
The book delves into the strictures and hierarchy of the Church, the diminished role of women within it, and the problems faced by the Church in the run-up to the Second Vatican Council in the 1960s, problems which it manifestly failed to address, to the disappointment of many. We know how the history of the Church panned out in Ireland over that period and the following decades - I would argue that Margaret and David had a lucky escape.
A gorgeous novel that I would happily read again, and I look forward to Sy-Quia's next output. 4.5/5 stars
Many thanks to the author and the publisher Picador Books for the advance reader copy via Netgalley. A Private Man was published in February 2026.
I do love a good period love story/relationship grounded in a specific time and place, where the story encompasses not only the relationship itself but also social commentary (I'm thinking of favourites in recent years including In Memoriam, Kairos and The New Life).
A Private Man - astonishingly, a debut novel - by Stephanie Sy-Quia is now added to that list. It was listed (deservedly) on The Observer's Best Debut Novels of 2026 list.
That Sy-Quia is a poet is apparent very quickly upon reading the first page. Her use of language, her clean, crisp prose, her elegant turn of phrase make this novel one to relish as you're reading it. I adored the writing, it is breathtakingly good and made all the more lovely by the fact that the story is inspired by the author's own grandparents (her grandfather was a Catholic priest).
The story is set between the 1950s and the present day (and I'd concur with most reviewers on here that the present day story takes a back seat to the historical story that unfolds).
The story focuses on two characters, David and Margaret. We meet David as a young man about to embark on life at a Catholic boarding school. He goes on to join the priesthood in what appears to be less an active choice and more something that happened to him organically or passively.
Margaret is a young woman who, when her friends begin settling down and having a family, takes a different path by availing of the opportunity to become one of the first women to study theology at Regina Mundi in Rome. Her studies awaken in her more questions than answers, and when she is sent to teach in a girls' school in Birmingham, she finds herself under the supervision of Fr David, who has been assigned to his home parish of Rugby.
As David and Margaret become close, an intellectual friendship develops between them that intensifies over time. The relationship is not without its problems - David comes across as a rather pathetic character at times, almost robbed of his masculinity and sexuality by the cassocks and rituals. Margaret is a hero and a rebel! Loved her.
The book delves into the strictures and hierarchy of the Church, the diminished role of women within it, and the problems faced by the Church in the run-up to the Second Vatican Council in the 1960s, problems which it manifestly failed to address, to the disappointment of many. We know how the history of the Church panned out in Ireland over that period and the following decades - I would argue that Margaret and David had a lucky escape.
A gorgeous novel that I would happily read again, and I look forward to Sy-Quia's next output. 4.5/5 stars
Many thanks to the author and the publisher Picador Books for the advance reader copy via Netgalley. A Private Man was published in February 2026.
February 16, 2026
I won an advanced copy of this book and I’m so glad I did, because I’m not sure it is one I would have picked up otherwise.
Based on the author’s grandparents it is a dual timeline book – in the present a grandson cares for his elderly grandmother and learns that his grandfather was once a priest. In the 1950s we learn how his grandparents found themselves drawn to each other.
The writing was lush, poetic and engaging and I found myself captivated by certain sentences. The descriptions of place and food are especially evocative. Rome, its art, and its atmosphere felt so vividly rendered that I found myself longing to wander its streets and stand before its paintings. The love story between David and Margaret is delicate and unhurried, a true slow burn suffused with warmth and restraint. As they grow closer (knowing full well the cost of their choices) the tension is exquisite.
I especially loved Margaret’s independence and sexual liberation. She initially appears lonely, but I adored how fully she reaches for life, particularly in her relationships with the women in the laundry and with David’s friends and family. David, too, defies the masculine conventions of his era and emerges as a thoughtful, complex, and deeply human character
I’m left with that quiet ache that follows finishing a book you weren’t ready to leave behind. I hope that, when this novel is released in a few days, it finds the appreciative readership and awards it so richly deserves.
Based on the author’s grandparents it is a dual timeline book – in the present a grandson cares for his elderly grandmother and learns that his grandfather was once a priest. In the 1950s we learn how his grandparents found themselves drawn to each other.
The writing was lush, poetic and engaging and I found myself captivated by certain sentences. The descriptions of place and food are especially evocative. Rome, its art, and its atmosphere felt so vividly rendered that I found myself longing to wander its streets and stand before its paintings. The love story between David and Margaret is delicate and unhurried, a true slow burn suffused with warmth and restraint. As they grow closer (knowing full well the cost of their choices) the tension is exquisite.
I especially loved Margaret’s independence and sexual liberation. She initially appears lonely, but I adored how fully she reaches for life, particularly in her relationships with the women in the laundry and with David’s friends and family. David, too, defies the masculine conventions of his era and emerges as a thoughtful, complex, and deeply human character
I’m left with that quiet ache that follows finishing a book you weren’t ready to leave behind. I hope that, when this novel is released in a few days, it finds the appreciative readership and awards it so richly deserves.
April 25, 2026
4.5 stars.
So atmospheric. So beautifully written.
‘A Private Man’ is old-fashioned romance done beautifully. Sy-Quia’s descriptive writing is intoxicating; the landscapes of Italy and France were rendered with such sensory richness I could taste the culture, breathe the air, and feel the history. The literary quotations woven throughout were a quiet joy.
This is a novel I wallowed in, one that I let wash over me. I read it in one sitting.
When the story moved to England, a little of that bucolic glow dimmed. The atmosphere became heavier, the charm a little less visible.
But the love story at its heart remains affecting and authentic. It's the kind of slow-burn romance that feels totally earned.
An incredibly impressive lyrical debut.
My thanks to Grove Atlantic and NetGalley for the ARC.
So atmospheric. So beautifully written.
‘A Private Man’ is old-fashioned romance done beautifully. Sy-Quia’s descriptive writing is intoxicating; the landscapes of Italy and France were rendered with such sensory richness I could taste the culture, breathe the air, and feel the history. The literary quotations woven throughout were a quiet joy.
This is a novel I wallowed in, one that I let wash over me. I read it in one sitting.
When the story moved to England, a little of that bucolic glow dimmed. The atmosphere became heavier, the charm a little less visible.
But the love story at its heart remains affecting and authentic. It's the kind of slow-burn romance that feels totally earned.
An incredibly impressive lyrical debut.
My thanks to Grove Atlantic and NetGalley for the ARC.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I really had high expectations for this book and wanted to love it so badly, but alas, it was such a letdown. I even tried rereading it from the prologue twice, but it still didn't change anything. What I expected: forbidden love story that could make me like this 👀. What I ended up with: yawn 🥱
The blurb and the cover itself are very promising. This is the type of book you would pick up if you want something new and different, with a historical aspect and the forbidden love trope. I'm sure most of you picked up this book for the same reason as I did, expecting a great story. But well ....
Spoiler warning, maybe.
Too bad, what I got from this book was very bland and weird writing style. The author writes the dialogue using dashes (–) at the beginning, without quotation marks at all, following with another narrtion. And unfortunately, this kind of writing shows up very often, even in the middle of long paragraphs. The editor probably won't even fix it. But it really made me uncomfortable to read.
Enough about punctuation. Other things that annoyed me are how dragging and slow this book is. I feel like even unimportant stuff is written step by step. I won't give any spoilers, but I rolled my eyes everytime I came across scenes like this. Totally skippable moments are written for way too long. Long paragraphs and pages. And for what? To make the story longer? To make it feel more 'literary fiction'? To make us know the characters better? Let me tell you, it didn't work at all.
And yeah, of course, that also has something to do with how slow this story is. This book is split into two parts, and oh, how naive I was to hope that I would find the love story from the 1st part!
Part 1 is so damn slow. This part is basically just an introduction to the main characters, mainly David and Margaret (and Margaret only shows up near the end). This part would've been okay if it wasn't THAT slow and actually engaging enough to keep my attention. But it wasn't. I got bored so many times because of how dull it was. Literally nothing interesting or impactful happened, just characters introductions. I get it, this book is character driven. But oh come on! It's way too slow and way too much for one whole part, which takes up 47% of the book, by the way!
Next is the dual timeline. This book goes back and forth between the 1960s and 2018–2019. I found the present day timeline didn't really impirtant and was totally skippable. Why? Because, duh, the love story happened in the past. So why would I care about the present timeline, which is also boring and dull, when it's not even the love story itself, which is what I wanted to read?
The last thing is, of course, Part 2. When I reached Part 2, I expected the same boring, overly slow plot. But oh my God .... So, in this part, the forbidden love story finally begins, they said. So yay, David and Margaret finally meet (rolls eyes). But, well, unfortunately, another disappointment.
Part 2 isn't as slow as Part 1, but the pacing is weird and feels completely different. One chapter is set in 1963, then suddenly it's February, then 1964, and she's already calling him by his first name, then suddenly it's her birthday. Hello!? You know what I mean ...? I feel like annoying things from Part 1 (like the overly slow pace and the overly unimportant literary narration) are gone, but thay're replaced by another annoying thing: David and Margaret themselves. They have no chemistry. It turns out that Margaret eventually becomes very annoying whenever she speaks. I don't know about David, though, nothing really stands out about him except the fact that he's a priest.
Okay, enough yapping and whatever it is I've been talking about here. I know I might sound mean, but at least I'm being honest. Lol. Actually I'm just truly disappointed with how this book actually turned out. Sighs. I had already planned to give it five stars just from the blurb alone. But life's shit.
edit: oh boy ... why is the US ebook version formatted worse and messier than the ARC I read?
The blurb and the cover itself are very promising. This is the type of book you would pick up if you want something new and different, with a historical aspect and the forbidden love trope. I'm sure most of you picked up this book for the same reason as I did, expecting a great story. But well ....
Spoiler warning, maybe.
Too bad, what I got from this book was very bland and weird writing style. The author writes the dialogue using dashes (–) at the beginning, without quotation marks at all, following with another narrtion. And unfortunately, this kind of writing shows up very often, even in the middle of long paragraphs. The editor probably won't even fix it. But it really made me uncomfortable to read.
Enough about punctuation. Other things that annoyed me are how dragging and slow this book is. I feel like even unimportant stuff is written step by step. I won't give any spoilers, but I rolled my eyes everytime I came across scenes like this. Totally skippable moments are written for way too long. Long paragraphs and pages. And for what? To make the story longer? To make it feel more 'literary fiction'? To make us know the characters better? Let me tell you, it didn't work at all.
And yeah, of course, that also has something to do with how slow this story is. This book is split into two parts, and oh, how naive I was to hope that I would find the love story from the 1st part!
Part 1 is so damn slow. This part is basically just an introduction to the main characters, mainly David and Margaret (and Margaret only shows up near the end). This part would've been okay if it wasn't THAT slow and actually engaging enough to keep my attention. But it wasn't. I got bored so many times because of how dull it was. Literally nothing interesting or impactful happened, just characters introductions. I get it, this book is character driven. But oh come on! It's way too slow and way too much for one whole part, which takes up 47% of the book, by the way!
Next is the dual timeline. This book goes back and forth between the 1960s and 2018–2019. I found the present day timeline didn't really impirtant and was totally skippable. Why? Because, duh, the love story happened in the past. So why would I care about the present timeline, which is also boring and dull, when it's not even the love story itself, which is what I wanted to read?
The last thing is, of course, Part 2. When I reached Part 2, I expected the same boring, overly slow plot. But oh my God .... So, in this part, the forbidden love story finally begins, they said. So yay, David and Margaret finally meet (rolls eyes). But, well, unfortunately, another disappointment.
Part 2 isn't as slow as Part 1, but the pacing is weird and feels completely different. One chapter is set in 1963, then suddenly it's February, then 1964, and she's already calling him by his first name, then suddenly it's her birthday. Hello!? You know what I mean ...? I feel like annoying things from Part 1 (like the overly slow pace and the overly unimportant literary narration) are gone, but thay're replaced by another annoying thing: David and Margaret themselves. They have no chemistry. It turns out that Margaret eventually becomes very annoying whenever she speaks. I don't know about David, though, nothing really stands out about him except the fact that he's a priest.
Okay, enough yapping and whatever it is I've been talking about here. I know I might sound mean, but at least I'm being honest. Lol. Actually I'm just truly disappointed with how this book actually turned out. Sighs. I had already planned to give it five stars just from the blurb alone. But life's shit.
edit: oh boy ... why is the US ebook version formatted worse and messier than the ARC I read?
November 7, 2025
Thank you Netgalley for the advanced copy of this book for review.
This is a really beautiful and realistic love story between a Catholic priest and a progressive teacher in the 1960s (and beyond). The first part of the book tells about David and Margaret's young lives before they meet, and the second part it after they meet and eventually fall in love.
The language in this story is absolutely stunning and is truly an ode to life and all it's intricacies. So much attention was paid to the sensorial details of these characters' experiences, particularly touch between humans and the love of food and art, that it made me want to run outside and feel the sun on my skin and contemplate the joys of life while eating my favorite fruit.
The love story was a wonderful slow burn, but more than that I loved just getting to know David and Margaret. They were such captivating and lovely characters in their own ways, always giving themselves to make a better world and to love people in the ways they know how (David with his priesthood and Margaret with her "social justice"). I particularly gravitated towards Margaret and her ever-questioning philosophy on societal norms. I was enraptured by all of the discourse on what it means to love people and to fulfill one's calling in life; I love a book with subtle philosophical undertones that really open my mind.
I can't wait until this is published and will definitely be ordering a copy for my library.
This is a really beautiful and realistic love story between a Catholic priest and a progressive teacher in the 1960s (and beyond). The first part of the book tells about David and Margaret's young lives before they meet, and the second part it after they meet and eventually fall in love.
The language in this story is absolutely stunning and is truly an ode to life and all it's intricacies. So much attention was paid to the sensorial details of these characters' experiences, particularly touch between humans and the love of food and art, that it made me want to run outside and feel the sun on my skin and contemplate the joys of life while eating my favorite fruit.
The love story was a wonderful slow burn, but more than that I loved just getting to know David and Margaret. They were such captivating and lovely characters in their own ways, always giving themselves to make a better world and to love people in the ways they know how (David with his priesthood and Margaret with her "social justice"). I particularly gravitated towards Margaret and her ever-questioning philosophy on societal norms. I was enraptured by all of the discourse on what it means to love people and to fulfill one's calling in life; I love a book with subtle philosophical undertones that really open my mind.
I can't wait until this is published and will definitely be ordering a copy for my library.
February 6, 2026
Thank you to Netgalley for an advanced readers copy in exchange for an honest review. This book should have been right up my alley but I hated the execution. The romance this book is being advertised with doesn’t start until 50% through the book. The entire first half just sets up the characters in such a boring way that by the time the romance actually started I didn’t care if they ended up together or not. The first half also heavily relies on a last and present timeline and the present timeline was could have been cut altogether and the story would have remained the same. The romance was boring and the chemistry between the two characters was non existent in my opinion. It felt like the author threw in a forbidden romance just for the sake of it being forbidden and forgot to make it interesting. This book did have a few quotes about faith and religion that I found interesting but that is nowhere near enough to carry a book. It seems like a lot of other people are really enjoying this so i won’t say don’t read this but it just wasn’t for me personally.
May 1, 2026
At the funeral of his great-uncle in 2018, Adrian learns something unexpected about his grandparents, namely that his grandfather David was once a Catholic priest. As he begins caring for his elderly grandmother who is suffering from dementia, he tries to draw out the story of his grandparents’ relationship and marriage, revealed in a series of flashbacks. We experience David’s childhood, his time at a seminary in Rome and the ritual of his ordination. It’s a life that seems likely to follow a prescribed path of absolute devotion to the Catholic faith and celibacy.
‘He liked being told what to do. He liked waking up knowing what he had to wear in the morning. He liked the awareness of himself as being in a hierarchy, with people above and below him. He liked all the secret codes and small rituals… He liked his presence being demanded in a particular place at a particular time, and the fact there would be consequences if you didn’t appear.’
It could not be more different from Margaret’s freer, more adventurous life including multiple sexual encounters.
David and Margaret first meet in the 1960s at a theology college where Margaret is a teacher and David the priest. They are both devoted to their Catholic faith but Margaret is not afraid to challenge the Church’s doctrine, specifically relating to the place of women in the Church. What starts as discussion, debate and a sharing of ideas – first in college rooms, then in David’s house – transforms into something much deeper. Before long though the romantic and physical attraction between them cannot be denied, leaving David with an agonising decision. To be with Margaret in the way he desires means leaving the Church. He is left in doubt about the brutality of the process of laicization.
I adored the way the author described the little details of their life together, the gentle give and take that occurs in a long, loving relationship.
‘She thought of the thousand ways they had shown their love to one another, and been unnoticed, else misapprehended. Cups of tea in their multitudes. Crooked inventions of his to ease her in her pastimes. The plank full of nails bent at an angle, for her spools of thread…. Sunday roasts. Drinks mixed and brought to her desk. Records played, and dancing. So much dancing. Long drives, late at night, to fetch one another from this or that place. Jumpers knitted. Quilts stitched, spread over both of their knees on winter evenings. Reading to one another.’
I found Margaret’s decline from the vibrant, articulate woman she once was to someone requiring help with the most intimate of tasks quite heartbreaking. And although I was saddened by how the once passionate relationship between David and Margaret changed over the years, I could also appreciate its realism.
To a certain extent David always remained for me the ‘private man’ of the book’s title. I didn’t feel I got to know him as completely as I did Margaret. However, I could completely understand how David would be attracted to the intelligent, uncompromising, forthright Margaret.
Based on the story of the author’s own grandparents, A Private Man is a tender, moving love story about two people who, despite the obstacles in their way, could not imagine a life without each other.
‘He liked being told what to do. He liked waking up knowing what he had to wear in the morning. He liked the awareness of himself as being in a hierarchy, with people above and below him. He liked all the secret codes and small rituals… He liked his presence being demanded in a particular place at a particular time, and the fact there would be consequences if you didn’t appear.’
It could not be more different from Margaret’s freer, more adventurous life including multiple sexual encounters.
David and Margaret first meet in the 1960s at a theology college where Margaret is a teacher and David the priest. They are both devoted to their Catholic faith but Margaret is not afraid to challenge the Church’s doctrine, specifically relating to the place of women in the Church. What starts as discussion, debate and a sharing of ideas – first in college rooms, then in David’s house – transforms into something much deeper. Before long though the romantic and physical attraction between them cannot be denied, leaving David with an agonising decision. To be with Margaret in the way he desires means leaving the Church. He is left in doubt about the brutality of the process of laicization.
I adored the way the author described the little details of their life together, the gentle give and take that occurs in a long, loving relationship.
‘She thought of the thousand ways they had shown their love to one another, and been unnoticed, else misapprehended. Cups of tea in their multitudes. Crooked inventions of his to ease her in her pastimes. The plank full of nails bent at an angle, for her spools of thread…. Sunday roasts. Drinks mixed and brought to her desk. Records played, and dancing. So much dancing. Long drives, late at night, to fetch one another from this or that place. Jumpers knitted. Quilts stitched, spread over both of their knees on winter evenings. Reading to one another.’
I found Margaret’s decline from the vibrant, articulate woman she once was to someone requiring help with the most intimate of tasks quite heartbreaking. And although I was saddened by how the once passionate relationship between David and Margaret changed over the years, I could also appreciate its realism.
To a certain extent David always remained for me the ‘private man’ of the book’s title. I didn’t feel I got to know him as completely as I did Margaret. However, I could completely understand how David would be attracted to the intelligent, uncompromising, forthright Margaret.
Based on the story of the author’s own grandparents, A Private Man is a tender, moving love story about two people who, despite the obstacles in their way, could not imagine a life without each other.
May 3, 2026
Set before the backdrop of the Second Vatican Council, which, in Gaudium et Spes, addresses the church’s intensively pressing concerns about whether the clergy can marry, the church can ordain women, and the church permits the use of contraception, Sy-Quia builds Margaret and David’s earlier timeline. Straight-talking, sharp-minded Margaret reads Greek, teaches her female student sex ed, and discusses theology with Father David. David, the cool, laconic priest to whom Margaret reports, has always sought only to join an order and serve the church. The limits of their intimate friendship come to a head when David gets transferred to another parish, far from Margaret. Both recognize they can’t be together because of the geographical and, ultimately, ethical hurdles. When they attempt to remain friends from afar, the question of whether they could ever marry balloons.
Sy-Quia writes with an assured clarity. It’s no secret to readers how Margaret and David’s lives unfold when their grandson Adam narrates the second timeline, which is woven into the narrative with the first. As such, Sy-Quia’s strength is how she details the story. The author presents Margaret’s rationality of faith in juxtaposition with the irrationality (so to speak) of David’s decision to submit himself to the humiliating and isolating experience of the church’s defrocking. For Margaret, a radical life (i.e, with David) is to choose to marry in 1965 and have a child a year later.
Although how Margaret and David leave the Catholic Church isn’t neat, as it were, like Katharina and Martin, I submit that Protestants’ view on the clergy’s freedom to consider marriage could be worth exploring: “Come on in, [girls and] boys; the water is fine.”
I rate A Private Man 3.5 stars.
My thanks to Grove Press and NetGalley for an ARC.
Sy-Quia writes with an assured clarity. It’s no secret to readers how Margaret and David’s lives unfold when their grandson Adam narrates the second timeline, which is woven into the narrative with the first. As such, Sy-Quia’s strength is how she details the story. The author presents Margaret’s rationality of faith in juxtaposition with the irrationality (so to speak) of David’s decision to submit himself to the humiliating and isolating experience of the church’s defrocking. For Margaret, a radical life (i.e, with David) is to choose to marry in 1965 and have a child a year later.
Although how Margaret and David leave the Catholic Church isn’t neat, as it were, like Katharina and Martin, I submit that Protestants’ view on the clergy’s freedom to consider marriage could be worth exploring: “Come on in, [girls and] boys; the water is fine.”
I rate A Private Man 3.5 stars.
My thanks to Grove Press and NetGalley for an ARC.
January 21, 2026
Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Atlantic for an ARC!
This was a fantastically written and beautifully depicted love story. Brimming with sensuality and desire, spanning vast swaths of time, two individuals grapple with the draw they feel for one another as it collides with faith and religion. Smart, touching, and a fantastic adventure
This was a fantastically written and beautifully depicted love story. Brimming with sensuality and desire, spanning vast swaths of time, two individuals grapple with the draw they feel for one another as it collides with faith and religion. Smart, touching, and a fantastic adventure
April 15, 2026
David, handsome and charismatic has only ever wanted to be a priest. Freshly ordained he returns from Rome to England to begin his life of devotion and celibacy. It's here that he meets Margaret who has just taken a position as a theology teacher. Margaret is outspoken, opinionated, and forward thinking. What starts as a meeting of the minds, turns into a beautiful friendship, and eventually a love that will tear apart their lives as they know it.
A Private Man is inspired by the love story of the author's grandparents, and is told in duel timelines of the 50's and 60's, and the present, where Margaret is being cared for by her grandson as she deals with the onset of dementia.
What I loved most about this book was how deeply I felt we got to know David and Margaret through the authors beautiful and lyrical descriptions. I loved the strength of both characters, and while David's didn't always shine through, he had so much to wrestle with. His whole belief system was at stake, and his courage was immense.
An incredibly moving, slow burn love story, steeped in faith, and sacrifice. I enjoyed it immensely.
Thank you so much to NetGalley and Grove Atlantic for the free review copy.
A Private Man is inspired by the love story of the author's grandparents, and is told in duel timelines of the 50's and 60's, and the present, where Margaret is being cared for by her grandson as she deals with the onset of dementia.
What I loved most about this book was how deeply I felt we got to know David and Margaret through the authors beautiful and lyrical descriptions. I loved the strength of both characters, and while David's didn't always shine through, he had so much to wrestle with. His whole belief system was at stake, and his courage was immense.
An incredibly moving, slow burn love story, steeped in faith, and sacrifice. I enjoyed it immensely.
Thank you so much to NetGalley and Grove Atlantic for the free review copy.
October 29, 2025
This is such a beautiful and unique story about a love between a priest and a progressive teacher. It’s secretive and the pace of the book is great, but I really enjoyed getting to know David and Margaret as people and that’s what kept me hooked as I read. I related a lot to her character and I loved the way this story spans time so we can see how things started and turned out. This is a book that takes place in the past but is still relevant today. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
February 15, 2026
One of the parts of this book that I truly felt deep in my bones was the relationship change between Margaret and Nicole once Nicole had a baby. I think it’s up to the reader to delve into that dynamic and take what they want from it. I had my own thoughts on what this meant and why for Nicole and I felt my heart break for Margaret.
I will say this is a true slow burn if you’re approaching this as a romantic novel, in that the two romantic interests don’t actually meet until about halfway through the book. For me, I probably wouldn’t really think of it that way. It felt a bit different to what I was expecting, and actually this book reads more like an intergenerational conversation about religion and also love, rather than solely a story of love between these two people.
The intertwining of stories strewn across decades, and the contrast between a younger, lucid Margaret and a Margaret slowly becoming increasingly ill and confused is difficult to feel alongside Adrian. The feverish tone as we reach the precipice of her being too unwell to function before death arrives is a difficult one to read.
I really enjoyed this book, it made me feel things deeply, which is always a pretty big indicator of how I rate them. There is a line within the book that I thought was wonderful, a way to explain that you may have fallen in love: “I want to talk to you. For the rest of my days.”
Reviewed as part of an ARC from NetGalley
I will say this is a true slow burn if you’re approaching this as a romantic novel, in that the two romantic interests don’t actually meet until about halfway through the book. For me, I probably wouldn’t really think of it that way. It felt a bit different to what I was expecting, and actually this book reads more like an intergenerational conversation about religion and also love, rather than solely a story of love between these two people.
The intertwining of stories strewn across decades, and the contrast between a younger, lucid Margaret and a Margaret slowly becoming increasingly ill and confused is difficult to feel alongside Adrian. The feverish tone as we reach the precipice of her being too unwell to function before death arrives is a difficult one to read.
I really enjoyed this book, it made me feel things deeply, which is always a pretty big indicator of how I rate them. There is a line within the book that I thought was wonderful, a way to explain that you may have fallen in love: “I want to talk to you. For the rest of my days.”
Reviewed as part of an ARC from NetGalley
March 9, 2026
TLDR: The Notebook x Fleabag, great for fans of historical romance, CMBYN and poetic language.
A bit longer: A beautiful touching love story about a catholic priest and a theology teacher at a Catholic college in the 1960'. Based on the author's real life grand parents, we are introduced through them through the grandhcild Adrian. He finds out that his grandpa was a catholic priest and tries to find out more while caring for the grandmother who has dementia.
The structure of the novel is the most interesting part. It's told in two halves, and the couple do not meet until halfway through but when we meet them we already know their whole story. By the end though I wasn't unhappy with the structure at all. When something is framed as a "scandal" or a family history it's one thing and then when we get to read about it through the eyes and hearts of the characters it comes to life. I was reading this crying on a train (which qualifies it for an automatic 5 star). It's actually a quite ordinary love story but with the hinders of the clergical celibacy vow of course.
Language-wise it's very poetic in a way that will not appeal to all readers. The first half is quite sexy in the language and the second half is more romantic I would say.
A bit longer: A beautiful touching love story about a catholic priest and a theology teacher at a Catholic college in the 1960'. Based on the author's real life grand parents, we are introduced through them through the grandhcild Adrian. He finds out that his grandpa was a catholic priest and tries to find out more while caring for the grandmother who has dementia.
The structure of the novel is the most interesting part. It's told in two halves, and the couple do not meet until halfway through but when we meet them we already know their whole story. By the end though I wasn't unhappy with the structure at all. When something is framed as a "scandal" or a family history it's one thing and then when we get to read about it through the eyes and hearts of the characters it comes to life. I was reading this crying on a train (which qualifies it for an automatic 5 star). It's actually a quite ordinary love story but with the hinders of the clergical celibacy vow of course.
Language-wise it's very poetic in a way that will not appeal to all readers. The first half is quite sexy in the language and the second half is more romantic I would say.
May 8, 2026
Let me lessen my request. Let me breathe between the heavens and the earth, a private man.
To live a quiet life: this too can be a radical political act.
To live a quiet life: this too can be a radical political act.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Stephanie Sy-Quia is an award winning poet who with this, her debut novel, has written a work of quiet power, whose impact slowly crescendos until it leaves you bereft at its end.
It is a novel of dual timelines - in 2018, Adrian is caring for his ageing, increasingly infirm grandmother, Margaret. He learns of her relationship in the 1950s, when as a theology teacher, she is drawn into the orbit of David, a Catholic priest. It is this relationship that forms the backbone of this very beautifully drawn work. Sy-Quia has taken an element of autobiography from her family and shaped it into something memorable and effective.
There are no great set-pieces here, no major fireworks, just a very human and real story that draws you in and makes you care. Highly recommend.
Many thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.
It is a novel of dual timelines - in 2018, Adrian is caring for his ageing, increasingly infirm grandmother, Margaret. He learns of her relationship in the 1950s, when as a theology teacher, she is drawn into the orbit of David, a Catholic priest. It is this relationship that forms the backbone of this very beautifully drawn work. Sy-Quia has taken an element of autobiography from her family and shaped it into something memorable and effective.
There are no great set-pieces here, no major fireworks, just a very human and real story that draws you in and makes you care. Highly recommend.
Many thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
"She had come loping out of the landscape with the horizon of his life looped up in her arms like washing line, and had lain it at his feet like guide rope.”
where do i begin with this book? „a private man” is a love story, yes, but it is also the unfurling and deconstruction of a lifetime, of a belief you've built and lived your life around. david and margaret were delightful to read about, challenging each other's perceptions and beliefs time and time again.
"He felt her feeling along the walls of his thinking, searching for cracks, and he recoiled. It had been a long time since his view on a matter had been challenged."
there's a deep sense of aloneness throughout the entire book, even in love and marriage, which i found fascinating. as you read along, both you and the protagonists are waiting for the exclusion and tragedy to unfold, but with it also the love story; strange how the two can only exist side by side. and then the further fear, that you're throwing away your life for something that might not even last.
the writing flows beautifully, and feels immersive and absorbing. strange to think this is a debut novel. there is a great deal of talk on theology (and maybe this will feel more personal to someone who's grown up catholic or at least in a more religious environment; i, for one, grew up orthodox, which is a whole other thread to unfold), but i didn't find it overbearing or hard to parse through, on the contrary. i was touched to find out some of the musings were taken from the archives of author's own family.
my actual issue with the book, and the reason why i oscillated between 4 and 5 stars is the pace. part i especially drags for quite a while, and our protagonists don't really meet until halfway through, which is fine, overall, i'm glad we got to spend some time with them separate of each other. however, throughout this entire section, we move back and forth between the past and present timelines every other chapter. i wish the chapters set in the present had been more sparse, to be quite honest; they always kind of took me out of the rhythm of things. i understand what the author was trying to do, giving us a glimpse into the aftermath, of margaret now old and alone, falling pray to dementia, being taken care of by her grandson; i just wish these chapters had been included only now and then. i didn't mind knowing what was to come, but i also wish i'd been left alone with david's & margaret's story for a while. (all this being said, i can't say i hated the present timeline, in fact it hit a bit close to home reading about adrian looking after his grandmother and watching her deteriorate, and realising she's had this whole life he knows little about. so there's that.) the characters in the present timeline, adrian and hilary, feel less tangible than david and margaret, which kind of adds to my qualms with this part of the story.
formatting-wise, i found the use of em dash instead of the usual quotation marks for dialogue a bit unusual (in my native language it's what we use, but i was surprised to see it in an english-language book). it might also have been an issue with my copy, but sometimes these dialogue tags appeared in the middle of paragraphs, which made the experience a bit confusing. hopefully, it won't be the case for the final copy.
all this being said, this was a beautiful read, so touching and compassionate and full of light.
thank you once again to netgalley and grove atlantic for the opportunity to read an eARC of this beautiful book! all opinions are my own
where do i begin with this book? „a private man” is a love story, yes, but it is also the unfurling and deconstruction of a lifetime, of a belief you've built and lived your life around. david and margaret were delightful to read about, challenging each other's perceptions and beliefs time and time again.
"He felt her feeling along the walls of his thinking, searching for cracks, and he recoiled. It had been a long time since his view on a matter had been challenged."
there's a deep sense of aloneness throughout the entire book, even in love and marriage, which i found fascinating. as you read along, both you and the protagonists are waiting for the exclusion and tragedy to unfold, but with it also the love story; strange how the two can only exist side by side. and then the further fear, that you're throwing away your life for something that might not even last.
the writing flows beautifully, and feels immersive and absorbing. strange to think this is a debut novel. there is a great deal of talk on theology (and maybe this will feel more personal to someone who's grown up catholic or at least in a more religious environment; i, for one, grew up orthodox, which is a whole other thread to unfold), but i didn't find it overbearing or hard to parse through, on the contrary. i was touched to find out some of the musings were taken from the archives of author's own family.
my actual issue with the book, and the reason why i oscillated between 4 and 5 stars is the pace. part i especially drags for quite a while, and our protagonists don't really meet until halfway through, which is fine, overall, i'm glad we got to spend some time with them separate of each other. however, throughout this entire section, we move back and forth between the past and present timelines every other chapter. i wish the chapters set in the present had been more sparse, to be quite honest; they always kind of took me out of the rhythm of things. i understand what the author was trying to do, giving us a glimpse into the aftermath, of margaret now old and alone, falling pray to dementia, being taken care of by her grandson; i just wish these chapters had been included only now and then. i didn't mind knowing what was to come, but i also wish i'd been left alone with david's & margaret's story for a while. (all this being said, i can't say i hated the present timeline, in fact it hit a bit close to home reading about adrian looking after his grandmother and watching her deteriorate, and realising she's had this whole life he knows little about. so there's that.) the characters in the present timeline, adrian and hilary, feel less tangible than david and margaret, which kind of adds to my qualms with this part of the story.
formatting-wise, i found the use of em dash instead of the usual quotation marks for dialogue a bit unusual (in my native language it's what we use, but i was surprised to see it in an english-language book). it might also have been an issue with my copy, but sometimes these dialogue tags appeared in the middle of paragraphs, which made the experience a bit confusing. hopefully, it won't be the case for the final copy.
all this being said, this was a beautiful read, so touching and compassionate and full of light.
thank you once again to netgalley and grove atlantic for the opportunity to read an eARC of this beautiful book! all opinions are my own
April 30, 2026
This is one of the best books I’ve read!
“She wanted to live under the arc of his laugh forever.”
“Let me lessen my request. Let me breathe between the heavens and the earth, a private man. To live a quiet life: this too can be a radical political act.”
“She wanted to live under the arc of his laugh forever.”
“Let me lessen my request. Let me breathe between the heavens and the earth, a private man. To live a quiet life: this too can be a radical political act.”
May 2, 2026
4.5 ⭐️
talk to me in 2-3 days
talk to me in 2-3 days
February 1, 2026
finding out this was based on the author’s grandparents made this so much more poignant for me!!! beautifully written, and painfully realistic in the realities of the marriage and the issues in it towards the end, even if they didn’t elaborate on it too much. it did take me a little while to get hooked on it (until margaret’s story started properly, really) but other than that - adored.
tysm netgalley for the ARC <3
tysm netgalley for the ARC <3
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
*Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an advance reader copy of this novel in exchange for an honest review.*
A Private Man starts in 1953 and follows David who is ordained and about to start life as a Priest in England. He is handsome but sworn to celibacy and is devoted to God as that’s all he has ever known. In London, Margaret is entangled in a love affair with a married man. She knows the relationship can’t work but she is sexually free and wants to live by her own rules and ends up joining a women’s movement that challenges the rules of the church. David and Margaret end up working together at a Catholic college and they have an undeniable connection. But David is bound by his duties as a Priest and David is forbidden from starting anything with Margaret.
I found this story to be very powerful and I enjoyed it. It is a short read that really packs a punch. This book is told from David and Margaret’s POV when they are young but also from their grandson, Adrian as he looks after his grandmother. As soon as David and Margaret met I could feel their connection and I just love everything about this book. I liked what this had to say about faith and religion. Margaret is an interesting character to follow because she believes in God but doesn’t subscribe to the old and archaic rules of the religion. I really appreciate this story and I will be recommending this. It was an unexpected read for me and I’m very glad I took a chance on this.
A Private Man starts in 1953 and follows David who is ordained and about to start life as a Priest in England. He is handsome but sworn to celibacy and is devoted to God as that’s all he has ever known. In London, Margaret is entangled in a love affair with a married man. She knows the relationship can’t work but she is sexually free and wants to live by her own rules and ends up joining a women’s movement that challenges the rules of the church. David and Margaret end up working together at a Catholic college and they have an undeniable connection. But David is bound by his duties as a Priest and David is forbidden from starting anything with Margaret.
I found this story to be very powerful and I enjoyed it. It is a short read that really packs a punch. This book is told from David and Margaret’s POV when they are young but also from their grandson, Adrian as he looks after his grandmother. As soon as David and Margaret met I could feel their connection and I just love everything about this book. I liked what this had to say about faith and religion. Margaret is an interesting character to follow because she believes in God but doesn’t subscribe to the old and archaic rules of the religion. I really appreciate this story and I will be recommending this. It was an unexpected read for me and I’m very glad I took a chance on this.
February 10, 2026
Absolutely fell in love with this book.
Haven't read a debut this good since Whale Fall by Elizabeth O'Connor. A beautiful achievement. I slightly felt that the wobbliest bits were the timelines in the present, with Margaret as an old lady suffering from dementia, but I do understand why there was a dual timeline...Having said this there were some absolutely exquisite passages on care and what it might mean to have a dignified death, which is one my great passions and preoccupations:
'They both know that they are waiting for her to die.
He knows that looking after her is a form of care less well regarded, because it is ostensibly unproductive. It is a thing - a monumental feat of love composed of a thousand gritty, grubby bone-wearying acts - which many people do not want to think about too clearly. When people express surprise at his caring for his grandmother, and tell him, wanting to comfort him, that it is not his role, he starts to wonder if it is all an elaborate cover-up: the young are meant to be kept apart from the elderly because the world needs them to head into child-rearing blind, not to know how gruelling care for another is. Then again, he thinks, when he goes to bed every night, the exhausation has a fulsome quality. He believes that what he is doing is worthwhile. Yes he will place his hearing and his driving, his muscles of his arms and legs, at his grandmother's disposal; she will live with dignity and he will do this for her.'
I will be thinking about this book for a long time. I picked up Crimes of the Father by Keneally straight after, as Sy-Quia listed it an an inspiration and foundational text for her in the Acknowledgements and I felt I needed more of this book somehow...really really high praise for this.
I loved the intellectual sparring between Margaret Bendelow and David Fletcher in the first years of their friendship and romance. The enormous respect and awe David felt for Margaret's progressive and sharp mind felt real, deep and true. It really examines a love that sprang from the meeting of two minds, rather than from two bodies.
'Religion gives us the concept of daily life, and a way of handling its tediums, and marriage is one of its great means. Marriage is a mode of witness, and epistemology. To bar people from marriage is to prevent them from this way of knowing. And a means to maturity too. Or, at least, a marriage should be all these things and more.'
At this last point he flinched.
- You hold nothing back Miss Bendelow.
- Why should I, Father Fletcher?
-And for women?-What about them?
-What is good in marriage for women?
- Nothing, as of yet. She winked and went to light a cigarette....We must refashion what marriage can be.'
It was so fearless in examining the sexual difficulties in their marriage, arising from David's long priesthood, and the cruelties of the institutions of both boarding school and the church when it comes to matters of the body.
'Isn't the priesthood an open invitation to the psychologically distubeed, who might be drawn by the prospect of wielding a power and an infuence beyond challenge, which they feel they are inadequate to win for themselves elsewhere in society? she aked, and again he was stunned by her read-made eloquence. - It leaves the door wide open for the emotionally arrested and provides the perfect bolthole. Unhappily, mnay cases go undetected until some years after ordination....The Church blindly encourages men to adopt a course involving lifelong celibacy. The Church lacks the technique of adeuqately enabling or helping men to achieve this, nor does she help them propely when they fail!...
-Is this what you think of me? he said quietly.
-No, she said pensively. But I do wonder. What made you choose this?'
I love the philosophies discussed and how they pertain to real human life, marriage, death, sex, food, caring for others in small ways that are really enormous.
'God's house is the world before it is the church.
- I think part of the problem is the persistence of eschatology.
Sometimes she did this, Turned out perfect sentences that belonged in a book, not mouthed in a conversation taking palce in a kitchen, late at night...Which startled him...He asked her what she meant.
-If we think there is another life, she said, what is the point of this one, other than to try and earn our place in the enxt? And conversely...if Judgement Day is a finite event, then there is no need to try and stave off this gradual poisoning of the Earth, the decimation of all that creep and crawl upon it. She spoke like scripture, he realised, though it was obvious, with referential pleasure. All those notes she told him of, in her days at Regina Mundi. The Gospel of Luke, the shewings of Julian. - We must denounce them, she was sayiing...It won't end...The earth will be left a pallid, scorched, impoverished thing.'
'The vast history of Catholicism was folding and unfolding all around her, and folding her into it. It was the mineral memory of the land. When stripped down to its barest, it was the history of being, of evolving personhood, the notion thereof, and its validity. She stood for this. She stood for herself. She knew that he protest would be a small footnote it its onward march, ultimately. That had always been Catholicism's appeal: the sublimation of oneself to something so much larger, something ancient and unbroken, its acoustics ringing through you for life.'
Haven't read a debut this good since Whale Fall by Elizabeth O'Connor. A beautiful achievement. I slightly felt that the wobbliest bits were the timelines in the present, with Margaret as an old lady suffering from dementia, but I do understand why there was a dual timeline...Having said this there were some absolutely exquisite passages on care and what it might mean to have a dignified death, which is one my great passions and preoccupations:
'They both know that they are waiting for her to die.
He knows that looking after her is a form of care less well regarded, because it is ostensibly unproductive. It is a thing - a monumental feat of love composed of a thousand gritty, grubby bone-wearying acts - which many people do not want to think about too clearly. When people express surprise at his caring for his grandmother, and tell him, wanting to comfort him, that it is not his role, he starts to wonder if it is all an elaborate cover-up: the young are meant to be kept apart from the elderly because the world needs them to head into child-rearing blind, not to know how gruelling care for another is. Then again, he thinks, when he goes to bed every night, the exhausation has a fulsome quality. He believes that what he is doing is worthwhile. Yes he will place his hearing and his driving, his muscles of his arms and legs, at his grandmother's disposal; she will live with dignity and he will do this for her.'
I will be thinking about this book for a long time. I picked up Crimes of the Father by Keneally straight after, as Sy-Quia listed it an an inspiration and foundational text for her in the Acknowledgements and I felt I needed more of this book somehow...really really high praise for this.
I loved the intellectual sparring between Margaret Bendelow and David Fletcher in the first years of their friendship and romance. The enormous respect and awe David felt for Margaret's progressive and sharp mind felt real, deep and true. It really examines a love that sprang from the meeting of two minds, rather than from two bodies.
'Religion gives us the concept of daily life, and a way of handling its tediums, and marriage is one of its great means. Marriage is a mode of witness, and epistemology. To bar people from marriage is to prevent them from this way of knowing. And a means to maturity too. Or, at least, a marriage should be all these things and more.'
At this last point he flinched.
- You hold nothing back Miss Bendelow.
- Why should I, Father Fletcher?
-And for women?-What about them?
-What is good in marriage for women?
- Nothing, as of yet. She winked and went to light a cigarette....We must refashion what marriage can be.'
It was so fearless in examining the sexual difficulties in their marriage, arising from David's long priesthood, and the cruelties of the institutions of both boarding school and the church when it comes to matters of the body.
'Isn't the priesthood an open invitation to the psychologically distubeed, who might be drawn by the prospect of wielding a power and an infuence beyond challenge, which they feel they are inadequate to win for themselves elsewhere in society? she aked, and again he was stunned by her read-made eloquence. - It leaves the door wide open for the emotionally arrested and provides the perfect bolthole. Unhappily, mnay cases go undetected until some years after ordination....The Church blindly encourages men to adopt a course involving lifelong celibacy. The Church lacks the technique of adeuqately enabling or helping men to achieve this, nor does she help them propely when they fail!...
-Is this what you think of me? he said quietly.
-No, she said pensively. But I do wonder. What made you choose this?'
I love the philosophies discussed and how they pertain to real human life, marriage, death, sex, food, caring for others in small ways that are really enormous.
'God's house is the world before it is the church.
- I think part of the problem is the persistence of eschatology.
Sometimes she did this, Turned out perfect sentences that belonged in a book, not mouthed in a conversation taking palce in a kitchen, late at night...Which startled him...He asked her what she meant.
-If we think there is another life, she said, what is the point of this one, other than to try and earn our place in the enxt? And conversely...if Judgement Day is a finite event, then there is no need to try and stave off this gradual poisoning of the Earth, the decimation of all that creep and crawl upon it. She spoke like scripture, he realised, though it was obvious, with referential pleasure. All those notes she told him of, in her days at Regina Mundi. The Gospel of Luke, the shewings of Julian. - We must denounce them, she was sayiing...It won't end...The earth will be left a pallid, scorched, impoverished thing.'
'The vast history of Catholicism was folding and unfolding all around her, and folding her into it. It was the mineral memory of the land. When stripped down to its barest, it was the history of being, of evolving personhood, the notion thereof, and its validity. She stood for this. She stood for herself. She knew that he protest would be a small footnote it its onward march, ultimately. That had always been Catholicism's appeal: the sublimation of oneself to something so much larger, something ancient and unbroken, its acoustics ringing through you for life.'
February 24, 2026
"𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔."
This was such an addictive slow burn romance, the more I read the more I loved it.
The writing kept me hooked to this from beginning to end; the imagery was so vivid & so much of this was like reading poetry. For a while I was unsure about the style choice of the dialogue, with the use of hyphens instead of quote marks for each line of speech, however I did eventually get used to this & it didn't bother me so much by halfway and further on. I also thought the time jumps back & forth from the 1950s to 2019 were executed really well, it was made clear as to which era we were reading & made the concept of the story more interesting.
Obviously, Catholicism & religion were main themes in this book which I appreciated for the context of how the two lead characters met & beyond, but a lot of the terminologies did go over my head. I know this will be pretty subjective & a lot of other readers may appreciate that side of the story more but for me, the blossoming romance between David & Margaret is what made the book what it is for me. I loved the tension between them from the first day they met, the writing in some of their scenes felt so sensual but also so romantic, there were so many quotable lines throughout this.
Even though this is a fairly short read I'd still say it's one to take your time with reading, it feels the type of story that should be savoured to be enjoyed the most. This will definitely be up there with one of my favourite books this year & I highly recommend this to romance readers.
"𝑳𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒉, 𝒂 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒏."
Thank you to Picador & Netgalley for my free eARC!
This was such an addictive slow burn romance, the more I read the more I loved it.
The writing kept me hooked to this from beginning to end; the imagery was so vivid & so much of this was like reading poetry. For a while I was unsure about the style choice of the dialogue, with the use of hyphens instead of quote marks for each line of speech, however I did eventually get used to this & it didn't bother me so much by halfway and further on. I also thought the time jumps back & forth from the 1950s to 2019 were executed really well, it was made clear as to which era we were reading & made the concept of the story more interesting.
Obviously, Catholicism & religion were main themes in this book which I appreciated for the context of how the two lead characters met & beyond, but a lot of the terminologies did go over my head. I know this will be pretty subjective & a lot of other readers may appreciate that side of the story more but for me, the blossoming romance between David & Margaret is what made the book what it is for me. I loved the tension between them from the first day they met, the writing in some of their scenes felt so sensual but also so romantic, there were so many quotable lines throughout this.
Even though this is a fairly short read I'd still say it's one to take your time with reading, it feels the type of story that should be savoured to be enjoyed the most. This will definitely be up there with one of my favourite books this year & I highly recommend this to romance readers.
"𝑳𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒉, 𝒂 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒏."
Thank you to Picador & Netgalley for my free eARC!
April 22, 2026
Reviewing a Goldsboro Book Subscription pick:
I think it is easy to dismiss Catholicism in the current climate, knowing what we know now. However, its history is long, even outside the contents of its teachings. The practices of a religion and its ethereal nature should not be dismissed based on the actions of its representatives.
This book focuses on the impacts of those who practice with full faith and the minds of critical thinkers and how the former and latter have been known to clash within the confines of the church in recent history.
The love story between David and Margaret is established early doors. It is the journey of their religious experience that this author focuses on. It truly feels as though Margaret becomes his religion in this journey. He fears being shunned by her, reveres her words and worships her completely.
Margaret was an especially beautiful character, full of conviction and ambition. Her desire to change the modes of education in the church and their attitudes to women clergy, marriage and family life are clear. So is her hope to complete this mission before the religion she has chosen extinguishes itself in the realm of relevance. It was made clear that the effects of Catholicism’s stringent rules had a lasting impact on their relationship and agency.
I particularly like how realistic the emotions of the characters were portrayed. This was touching in how grounded it was, whilst being conveyed in beautifully poetic prose.
I think it is easy to dismiss Catholicism in the current climate, knowing what we know now. However, its history is long, even outside the contents of its teachings. The practices of a religion and its ethereal nature should not be dismissed based on the actions of its representatives.
This book focuses on the impacts of those who practice with full faith and the minds of critical thinkers and how the former and latter have been known to clash within the confines of the church in recent history.
The love story between David and Margaret is established early doors. It is the journey of their religious experience that this author focuses on. It truly feels as though Margaret becomes his religion in this journey. He fears being shunned by her, reveres her words and worships her completely.
Margaret was an especially beautiful character, full of conviction and ambition. Her desire to change the modes of education in the church and their attitudes to women clergy, marriage and family life are clear. So is her hope to complete this mission before the religion she has chosen extinguishes itself in the realm of relevance. It was made clear that the effects of Catholicism’s stringent rules had a lasting impact on their relationship and agency.
I particularly like how realistic the emotions of the characters were portrayed. This was touching in how grounded it was, whilst being conveyed in beautifully poetic prose.
February 28, 2026
I want to thank the author and Pan MacMillan / Picador for sending me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
It has been a really long time since I’ve read a proof that captivated me like this one. My favourite book of the year so far, A Private Man is loosely based on the story of the author’s grandparents and tells the story of Catholic priest David falling in love.
The love story is slow and tender, no big show or grandiose gestures - just the very real and human story of two people realising they cannot live without each other. There are several moments in the book that show the emotional difficulties that come with their specific relationship situation, but always in a considered way. The reader never once questions the love the two characters have for one another, even if there is more of a question over whether it is worth giving up so much else.
Both main characters are headstrong and dedicated to a cause, for David it’s his priesthood and for Margaret it’s her social justice. I loved reading the passages on Margaret’s questioning of Catholicism and particularly the role of women in the religion. She is a very intelligent and fierce lady, who believes in the importance of standing up for what is right, no matter the cost. I like how, through falling in love, her and David temper each other - he learns from her fighting spirit and she learns from his quiet faith and gentleness.
The writing is gorgeous and lyrical, and it does not surprise me that the author is also a poet. For the parts of the book set in Rome, the reader is so immersed in the food, art and architecture of the city. One thing for the crowd who don’t like books without speech marks (of which I am not one) this book uses dashes for lines of dialogue instead.
The reason why this book did not quite hit 5 stars for me is because I wasn’t completely sold on the need for Adrian’s 2019 timeline. I don’t think it added much to the story other than showing that the couple kept the details of their love story private even from family until past their deaths, and the sad effects of dementia on an individual and their family.
The book was released on my birthday - 19 Feb - in the UK and so is out now. I encourage you to go and pick it up for a quiet and contemplative read! A gorgeous debut and I can’t wait to read what she does next.
4/5
It has been a really long time since I’ve read a proof that captivated me like this one. My favourite book of the year so far, A Private Man is loosely based on the story of the author’s grandparents and tells the story of Catholic priest David falling in love.
The love story is slow and tender, no big show or grandiose gestures - just the very real and human story of two people realising they cannot live without each other. There are several moments in the book that show the emotional difficulties that come with their specific relationship situation, but always in a considered way. The reader never once questions the love the two characters have for one another, even if there is more of a question over whether it is worth giving up so much else.
Both main characters are headstrong and dedicated to a cause, for David it’s his priesthood and for Margaret it’s her social justice. I loved reading the passages on Margaret’s questioning of Catholicism and particularly the role of women in the religion. She is a very intelligent and fierce lady, who believes in the importance of standing up for what is right, no matter the cost. I like how, through falling in love, her and David temper each other - he learns from her fighting spirit and she learns from his quiet faith and gentleness.
The writing is gorgeous and lyrical, and it does not surprise me that the author is also a poet. For the parts of the book set in Rome, the reader is so immersed in the food, art and architecture of the city. One thing for the crowd who don’t like books without speech marks (of which I am not one) this book uses dashes for lines of dialogue instead.
The reason why this book did not quite hit 5 stars for me is because I wasn’t completely sold on the need for Adrian’s 2019 timeline. I don’t think it added much to the story other than showing that the couple kept the details of their love story private even from family until past their deaths, and the sad effects of dementia on an individual and their family.
The book was released on my birthday - 19 Feb - in the UK and so is out now. I encourage you to go and pick it up for a quiet and contemplative read! A gorgeous debut and I can’t wait to read what she does next.
4/5
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