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A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts: The Subtle, Insidious Nature of Spiritual Abuse and Life on the Other Side
“With her years of experience working with and advocating for survivors, Katherine Spearing is an important voice on the issue of spiritual abuse in the American evangelical church.” -Cait West, author of A Memoir of Breaking Away from Christian Patriarchy
A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts is a raw, arresting dive beneath the glossy surface of American evangelicalism, exposing the often-invisible damage of spiritual abuse. Drawing on her upbringing in the Christian Patriarchy Movement, her former role as a ministry leader, and her work founding the nonprofit Tears of Eden, Katherine Spearing offers an unflinching look at the wounds that religious institutions cause, which are impossible to ignore, and helps you name and understand them.
The book's title evokes the nature of these injuries, small, subtle, and nefarious, cuts that bleed out over a lifetime. With piercing insight and a voice both tender and fierce, Spearing unpacks power imbalances, spiritual gaslighting, and the silent corrosion of autonomy under abusive religious systems.
From the application of shame to the shattering of trust, she exposes what happens when faith is used as a weapon, and what it takes to walk away. With moments of wit, clarity, and deep compassion, this survivor-centered narrative doesn't just expose abuse; it provides a path toward a thriving life.
A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts is essential reading for anyone deconstructing harmful faith, supporting survivors, or daring to imagine a life beyond the confines of religious control.
A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts is a raw, arresting dive beneath the glossy surface of American evangelicalism, exposing the often-invisible damage of spiritual abuse. Drawing on her upbringing in the Christian Patriarchy Movement, her former role as a ministry leader, and her work founding the nonprofit Tears of Eden, Katherine Spearing offers an unflinching look at the wounds that religious institutions cause, which are impossible to ignore, and helps you name and understand them.
The book's title evokes the nature of these injuries, small, subtle, and nefarious, cuts that bleed out over a lifetime. With piercing insight and a voice both tender and fierce, Spearing unpacks power imbalances, spiritual gaslighting, and the silent corrosion of autonomy under abusive religious systems.
From the application of shame to the shattering of trust, she exposes what happens when faith is used as a weapon, and what it takes to walk away. With moments of wit, clarity, and deep compassion, this survivor-centered narrative doesn't just expose abuse; it provides a path toward a thriving life.
A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts is essential reading for anyone deconstructing harmful faith, supporting survivors, or daring to imagine a life beyond the confines of religious control.
269 pages, Kindle Edition
Published October 14, 2025
10 people are currently reading
73 people want to read
About the author
Katherine Spearing
5 books25 followersKatherine Spearing MA, CTRC is the founder of Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of spiritual abuse, and the former executive producer and host of the groundbreaking podcast Uncertain, a podcast that pioneered pivotal conversations around Spiritual Abuse. She also is a Certified Trauma Recovery Practitioner working primarily with clients who have survived cults, high-control environments, spiritual abuse, and sexual abuse.
Katherine is a huge advocate for the power of art to help us on our healing journey. She participates in improv theater both as a performer and coach and is the author of one novel. Her next book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, captures the experience of Spiritual Abuse. She has been a guest on a number of podcasts, including IndoctriNation and A Little Bit Culty, is the author of several nonfiction articles, and writes regularly at katherinespearing.com and tearsofeden.org.
Katherine is a huge advocate for the power of art to help us on our healing journey. She participates in improv theater both as a performer and coach and is the author of one novel. Her next book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, captures the experience of Spiritual Abuse. She has been a guest on a number of podcasts, including IndoctriNation and A Little Bit Culty, is the author of several nonfiction articles, and writes regularly at katherinespearing.com and tearsofeden.org.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
October 10, 2025
This book felt like Katherine had somehow got a hold of my journals and wrote a book from them. So much of how she’s come to view religion and the world at large is how I view it too. She does a beautiful job of explaining the ear markers of cults and abusive people, and gives hope that no one is stuck or hopeless.
Some things that stood out to me about this book:
1.She does a beautiful job describing the characteristics and warning signs of cult/high control environments, pointing out that someone does not have to step foot in a building of worship to encounter the same themes of control. In today’s digital age, sometimes all it takes to get wrapped up in a cult movement is to log onto Instagram.
2.It’s not enough to simply call out abusive leaders. There is an entire system responsible for putting those abusers in positions of power and enabling abuse to continue. If we never address the root causes, cycles of abuse will continue.
3.Katherine is, perhaps, the only person I’ve ever heard talk about struggling to see both of her parents as complicit in the abuse that she and her siblings experienced in their childhood. This is such an important issue that I think does need more discussion in survivor circles. So often, we need to have a parent who is for us, and so we can become blind to the ways that this parent not only enabled abuse by their spouse, but often participated in it. Without being willing to see that, we will be stuck in cycles of abuse, healing fantasies, and dysfunction.
This book helped me to feel seen and I know it will have positive impact on other survivors as well.
If you are a survivor, or have an interest in understanding spiritual abuse, I would highly recommend pre-ordering this book.
Some things that stood out to me about this book:
1.She does a beautiful job describing the characteristics and warning signs of cult/high control environments, pointing out that someone does not have to step foot in a building of worship to encounter the same themes of control. In today’s digital age, sometimes all it takes to get wrapped up in a cult movement is to log onto Instagram.
2.It’s not enough to simply call out abusive leaders. There is an entire system responsible for putting those abusers in positions of power and enabling abuse to continue. If we never address the root causes, cycles of abuse will continue.
3.Katherine is, perhaps, the only person I’ve ever heard talk about struggling to see both of her parents as complicit in the abuse that she and her siblings experienced in their childhood. This is such an important issue that I think does need more discussion in survivor circles. So often, we need to have a parent who is for us, and so we can become blind to the ways that this parent not only enabled abuse by their spouse, but often participated in it. Without being willing to see that, we will be stuck in cycles of abuse, healing fantasies, and dysfunction.
This book helped me to feel seen and I know it will have positive impact on other survivors as well.
If you are a survivor, or have an interest in understanding spiritual abuse, I would highly recommend pre-ordering this book.
October 15, 2025
Wow. I just finished reading A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts for the second time. I feel seen, validated, and empowered. And I'm a little irritated that it took reading about someone else’s experience in a “high-control religion” to help me understand my own upbringing. I can see why finding my own voice has been such a challenge over the years.
Although I was not raised in the same sect of Christianity as the author, I was raised and educated in a male-centric denomination that taught me to revere the Bible and not question what they said it meant. The indoctrination extended way beyond theology into all kinds of arenas including if and when I could have sex, how far I could go in my vocation (and which vocations were open to me), how I should organize my life on a daily basis, what positions to hold on controversial political topics, and how to be a “good wife.”
SO MANY of Spearing’s experiences mirror my own, even though we were raised in different families and faith communities. The common thread: Evangelical Christian patriarchy.
I think this book will help ANYONE who has experienced life as a conservative evangelical. Full stop.
It’s especially for you if you were raised in church and find yourself questioning whether everything you were taught about God, the Bible, Jesus, sin, and the world was filtered through a patriarchal worldview rather than the freedom we have in Christ.
In A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, you will find authenticity, courage, empathy, and a friend. If you’re ready to be seen by someone who truly understands, you will treasure this memoir–exposé–field guide. Spearing shines a light on the path out of high-control religion and toward healing and wholeness.
The author's insights are super helpful for those who wonder if what they experienced might qualify as spiritual abuse. Spearing’s unique blend of storytelling, theological insight, ministry experience, and trauma recovery expertise makes this a valuable resource for anyone untangling the knot of their religious upbringing.
One quote that captures why this book matters says:
This is not about physical abuse but about how the body keeps the score—the deep impact spiritual trauma can have on every part of our lives.
What I love most aboutA Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts is that it’s not just about the darkness or the damage—it’s about hope. There is life on the other side. You can leave. There will be loss, yes, but there will also be more life than you ever imagined.
Spearing writes,
This book is both a mirror and a map. It validates the pain while illuminating a way forward.
It’s also an excellent resource for ministers, counselors, and anyone working with women from conservative, patriarchal, or fundamentalist backgrounds—those raised in the stay-at-home-daughter movement, the SBC, conservative homeschool culture, or other high-control Christian environments.
Katherine Spearing has written something rare and necessary—a book that helps you name the wounds, understand the patterns, and begin to heal. I highly recommend it.
A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Although I was not raised in the same sect of Christianity as the author, I was raised and educated in a male-centric denomination that taught me to revere the Bible and not question what they said it meant. The indoctrination extended way beyond theology into all kinds of arenas including if and when I could have sex, how far I could go in my vocation (and which vocations were open to me), how I should organize my life on a daily basis, what positions to hold on controversial political topics, and how to be a “good wife.”
SO MANY of Spearing’s experiences mirror my own, even though we were raised in different families and faith communities. The common thread: Evangelical Christian patriarchy.
I think this book will help ANYONE who has experienced life as a conservative evangelical. Full stop.
It’s especially for you if you were raised in church and find yourself questioning whether everything you were taught about God, the Bible, Jesus, sin, and the world was filtered through a patriarchal worldview rather than the freedom we have in Christ.
In A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts, you will find authenticity, courage, empathy, and a friend. If you’re ready to be seen by someone who truly understands, you will treasure this memoir–exposé–field guide. Spearing shines a light on the path out of high-control religion and toward healing and wholeness.
The author's insights are super helpful for those who wonder if what they experienced might qualify as spiritual abuse. Spearing’s unique blend of storytelling, theological insight, ministry experience, and trauma recovery expertise makes this a valuable resource for anyone untangling the knot of their religious upbringing.
One quote that captures why this book matters says:
“Spiritual abuse affects everything. Understandably, it causes existential and spiritual impact. But we don't always talk about the other areas of our lives that experience destruction... It causes monumental damage. We will never be the same. The thousand tiny papercuts of this insidious form of abuse may start to heal, but the scars—they're permanent. This may be reality, but there's another reality: Thriving after abuse isn't contingent on being fully healed. We can live thriving full lives, even while our bodies are healing.”
This is not about physical abuse but about how the body keeps the score—the deep impact spiritual trauma can have on every part of our lives.
What I love most aboutA Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts is that it’s not just about the darkness or the damage—it’s about hope. There is life on the other side. You can leave. There will be loss, yes, but there will also be more life than you ever imagined.
Spearing writes,
“Two focuses that aid the healing process on the other side of spiritual abuse are validation and finding and creating the language to name what happened to us... Having language to name the experience is a form of validation. 'Oh, there's a term for that? It's an actual thing?' To further this validation is the experience of encountering others who have been there. Who believe us. Who can tell us what happened to us mattered, and mattered, and mattered.”
This book is both a mirror and a map. It validates the pain while illuminating a way forward.
It’s also an excellent resource for ministers, counselors, and anyone working with women from conservative, patriarchal, or fundamentalist backgrounds—those raised in the stay-at-home-daughter movement, the SBC, conservative homeschool culture, or other high-control Christian environments.
Katherine Spearing has written something rare and necessary—a book that helps you name the wounds, understand the patterns, and begin to heal. I highly recommend it.
A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
October 14, 2025
Congratulations to Katherine Spearing on the release of her important new book, A Tiny Thousand Paper Cuts!
I’ve read it, & if you or someone you know has experienced spiritual abuse or religious trauma (nuanced paths to end up at the same place), please pick up this book.
Maybe you remember in 2017 when Alyssa Milano encouraged women who had experienced sexual abuse to use the hashtag #metoo? In the company of others, women gained the courage to speak truth about the terrible experiences they’d mostly kept hidden.
Katherine’s book offers similar encouragement.
The insidious thing about spiritual abuse is that it can be so subtle. It can happen repeatedly, in private and in public, & you & others might feel uncomfortable, but also doubt your own instincts. “That was kind of…odd, off-base, uncomfortable.” It often gets dismissed as, “He just has anger issues.”
Katherine writes: “But what makes all this control spiritual abuse is the reality that it happened in the name of God, using the Bible for support. It happened at the hands of an authority figure who claimed to speak for and hear from God.”
That person in spiritual authority ought to have your best interest in mind. They should want your flourishing. Instead, they seek to control & diminish you for their own interests. It’s not okay, & Katherine gets the conversation rolling in the right direction: towards freedom, healing, & hope.
I’ve read it, & if you or someone you know has experienced spiritual abuse or religious trauma (nuanced paths to end up at the same place), please pick up this book.
Maybe you remember in 2017 when Alyssa Milano encouraged women who had experienced sexual abuse to use the hashtag #metoo? In the company of others, women gained the courage to speak truth about the terrible experiences they’d mostly kept hidden.
Katherine’s book offers similar encouragement.
The insidious thing about spiritual abuse is that it can be so subtle. It can happen repeatedly, in private and in public, & you & others might feel uncomfortable, but also doubt your own instincts. “That was kind of…odd, off-base, uncomfortable.” It often gets dismissed as, “He just has anger issues.”
Katherine writes: “But what makes all this control spiritual abuse is the reality that it happened in the name of God, using the Bible for support. It happened at the hands of an authority figure who claimed to speak for and hear from God.”
That person in spiritual authority ought to have your best interest in mind. They should want your flourishing. Instead, they seek to control & diminish you for their own interests. It’s not okay, & Katherine gets the conversation rolling in the right direction: towards freedom, healing, & hope.
October 15, 2025
All I could say to having this book in my hands is “FINALLY!” That’s the catharsis of finally being able to put a name to what I’ve experienced over the course of my life, growing up in the evangelical church and even leading worship as an adult.
Several of the “icky” feelings I had previously experienced in the church, like feeling confused about the treatment of people who are LGBTQ+ and feeling shame about my body due to purity culture, weren’t unique to me after all, though I have felt so isolated in my trauma.
Anyone who has felt that ick as a result of teachings in the church, knows someone who has, or have been a part of church leadership needs to read this book. For those who need healing, it is validating. For those still in the church, it helps you spot places where you, as a church body, can do better and show up for people who are hurting as a result of abusive religious systems. For former believers, this book can help you find the courage to heal from your experience and find language to talk about religious trauma. This book is essential reading. Period.
Several of the “icky” feelings I had previously experienced in the church, like feeling confused about the treatment of people who are LGBTQ+ and feeling shame about my body due to purity culture, weren’t unique to me after all, though I have felt so isolated in my trauma.
Anyone who has felt that ick as a result of teachings in the church, knows someone who has, or have been a part of church leadership needs to read this book. For those who need healing, it is validating. For those still in the church, it helps you spot places where you, as a church body, can do better and show up for people who are hurting as a result of abusive religious systems. For former believers, this book can help you find the courage to heal from your experience and find language to talk about religious trauma. This book is essential reading. Period.
October 19, 2025
It is such a gift when an author shows you themselves and yourself in a book. The tone of this book is so unique and engaging that even though the subject matter is heavy, the book itself doesn’t feel that way.
This book was so healing for me and I devoured it over a day and a half.
This book helped reassure me that I’m not crazy and that I am on the right path towards healing from spiritual abuse.
If you are looking for some encouragement and guidance on your journey, this book is a great place to start.
This book was so healing for me and I devoured it over a day and a half.
This book helped reassure me that I’m not crazy and that I am on the right path towards healing from spiritual abuse.
If you are looking for some encouragement and guidance on your journey, this book is a great place to start.
November 14, 2025
Even though I wasn’t in the patriarchal movement, evangelicalism in general is patriarchal. I identified with a lot in the book and I understand some things about myself that I didn’t understand before. Spiritual abuse and trauma runs deep and requires a lot of healing.
November 2, 2025
Katherine Spearing weaves the story of growing up within the framework of high control, hyper-conservative, patriarchy, including the stay-at-home daughters movement, encountering toxic church environments and spiritual abuse, and wrestling through the impacts of all of it, in search of agency and healing.
This is a really important book.
If you grew up in a high-control religious environment, you need to read this book. You may cry and laugh and sigh with relief to find that somebody else gets it. You may finally feel seen, not only because of what you experienced, but also because of the impact it had. Katherine connects the dots from a childhood of limited opportunity, expected loyalty, and forced piety to the struggles that show up in adulthood as a result. Not only does she describe her life, but she shares her path forward, as she hunts and pecks, in fits and starts, to seek healing and find the life she wants to live.
If you have encountered spiritual abuse and/or a toxic church system, you need to read this book. You will find that you are not alone, you aren’t crazy, and your perceptions aren’t wrong. You may find yourself underlining words, phrases, passages (and maybe putting stars by entire sections) that give you language for your experiences and their impact. Katherine points out that the impact of spiritual abuse is just as significant as that of sexual abuse. It was her own spiritual trauma that caused her to found Tears of Eden, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting survivors of spiritual abuse and religious trauma.
If you are hearing more and more about adult children who have cut off contact with their conservative Christian parents and you just don’t get that, you need to read this book, Her story is an excellent example of just why so many adult children do have to make that break.
And if you are wondering about the rising influence of Christian Nationalism, patriarchy, the Trad Wives movement, and many of the various other influences that might seem fringe, you need to read this. Katherine’s story shows that these ideologies have real, tragic consequences within families.
I will issue one caveat with this book. If you are the tidier type who is thinking this is a Christian memoir, you may not be comfortable with some of Katherine’s adult experiences as she explores areas that were taboo in her younger years. But there is so much good in this book that, even if you come across something outside your comfort zone, I would encourage you to read on. She has way too much wisdom to offer.
This is a really important book.
If you grew up in a high-control religious environment, you need to read this book. You may cry and laugh and sigh with relief to find that somebody else gets it. You may finally feel seen, not only because of what you experienced, but also because of the impact it had. Katherine connects the dots from a childhood of limited opportunity, expected loyalty, and forced piety to the struggles that show up in adulthood as a result. Not only does she describe her life, but she shares her path forward, as she hunts and pecks, in fits and starts, to seek healing and find the life she wants to live.
If you have encountered spiritual abuse and/or a toxic church system, you need to read this book. You will find that you are not alone, you aren’t crazy, and your perceptions aren’t wrong. You may find yourself underlining words, phrases, passages (and maybe putting stars by entire sections) that give you language for your experiences and their impact. Katherine points out that the impact of spiritual abuse is just as significant as that of sexual abuse. It was her own spiritual trauma that caused her to found Tears of Eden, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting survivors of spiritual abuse and religious trauma.
If you are hearing more and more about adult children who have cut off contact with their conservative Christian parents and you just don’t get that, you need to read this book, Her story is an excellent example of just why so many adult children do have to make that break.
And if you are wondering about the rising influence of Christian Nationalism, patriarchy, the Trad Wives movement, and many of the various other influences that might seem fringe, you need to read this. Katherine’s story shows that these ideologies have real, tragic consequences within families.
I will issue one caveat with this book. If you are the tidier type who is thinking this is a Christian memoir, you may not be comfortable with some of Katherine’s adult experiences as she explores areas that were taboo in her younger years. But there is so much good in this book that, even if you come across something outside your comfort zone, I would encourage you to read on. She has way too much wisdom to offer.
October 15, 2025
Reading this book helped me find language for things I’d known for years but had never put into words before. For those who have witnessed and experienced spiritual harm, this book is validating, healing, and hopeful. I especially liked the opening chapters on the contours of power and control and how harmful dynamics of power and control lay the ground work for systemic harm. This book is perfect for people who have experienced hurt within religious spaces. It helps name the multiple layers of harm experienced and is especially useful for those wishing to educate others on what spiritual abuse is and why it is so devastating.
October 15, 2025
A MUST-READ for every deconstruction book shelf. Spearing is a very clear, succinct writer, and her chapters are organized into fantastic, logical order (easy to target EXACTLY what you most need to read about/deconstruct at any given moment). The topic of spiritual/religious/church abuse is a complicated one - and experienced slightly differently for everyone - so Spearing gives the reader a deft mix of personal, professional, clinical and anecdotal information that addresses the topic in many ways. I wish I had had this book decades earlier. It's truly a must for anyone navigating their own painful exit from a high-control religious environment.
November 11, 2025
Vulnerable and honest, the author does not hold back on outlining both the harms of spiritual abuse and the freedom found in living a vibrant life. recommended for anyone who has felt they have to work hard to make a system they are in work for them, religious or otherwise. This book validates an experience that lies under the surface and is easily disguised, leaving its victims confused and hurt, distrusting even their own judgment.
November 21, 2025
Very insightful. The author does a great job explaining spiritual abuse and what that may look like coming from a family and church structure.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews