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Guilt
You died on August 8th 1965, a month before your fourth birthday. You were probably dead long before Mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.
Seven year old Susan is alone with her youngest brother when he dies of an overdose. The guilt informs the rest of her life. When it threatens to destroy not only her but also her family, she must return to her past to discover the truth.
Seven year old Susan is alone with her youngest brother when he dies of an overdose. The guilt informs the rest of her life. When it threatens to destroy not only her but also her family, she must return to her past to discover the truth.
201 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 1, 2014
1 person is currently reading
676 people want to read
About the author
Joan Ellis
4 books98 followersI spent years penning letters from dogs. As an award-winning copywriter, you have to be adaptable! I worked with talented people including Paula Yates, Jennifer Saunders and Harry Enfield. With a full-time job in a London advertising agency and a new baby, I did what any right-minded woman would've done and set up a comedy club. I even appeared on the same bill as Jo Brand. Once. As a university lecturer, I taught comedian Noel Fielding all he knows about advertising. I also tutored Wordsworth's great-grandson in the art: Buy a host of golden daffodils. Get a yellow one, free! I also wrote a column in a fashionable glossie about my young daughter. She is eighteen now and has never read a word of them. A Londoner, I now live beside the sea-side and eat mainly cream teas.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
September 1, 2015
“Guilt” by Joan Ellis is about a tragic accident and the consequences thereafter.
I never heard of this author, but all I can say is WOW! Can she ever write a powerful novel. I loved this story. I am so happy that Maxine Groves, publicist for Booklover Catlady Publicity, recommended this novel to the group. While this novel is listed as a psychological thriller, I would classify it as a psychological drama.
“You died on August 8th 1965, a month before your fourth birthday. You were probably dead long before Mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.”
But five year old, Mark was “Mummy’s good boy”.
Susan, the older sister was totally ignored and psychologically abused by her mother. Susan resented having a little five year old brother. He got all the love and the attention from mom and dad.
“Seven year old Susan is alone with her youngest brother when he dies of an overdose. The guilt informs the rest of her life. When it threatens to destroy not only her but also her family, she must return to her past to discover the truth.”
But what parents leave a seven year old to look after a five year old?
Susan tells her story directing all the conversation to her dead baby brother. Mark had taken some of mummy’s “sweet pills”, and never woke up. Their mother was an alcoholic and chain smoker, and preferred adult company. The children were discovered when the dad came home from work.
And Susan will always feel guilty…that she could have done more. But after Mark had gone, there was still no love for Susan. Mark’s death had “torn them apart.’
Now fast forward, and we see what happens to Susan, and what happened in her life. “Walk a mile in my shoes.”
“Trust is a weird thing, Mark. It’s like a favourite toy, once you’ve broken it, you can try and repair it but it’s never the same.”
I really enjoyed reading this story, the innocence of a child and my heart went out to Susan for all she had to endure. Even though I don’t have any children, this was a gripping emotional read. This is the first novel I have read by this author and I must say it definitely won't be the last. I plan to read “The Killing of Mummy’s Boy” next.
Thank you to author, Joan Ellis, VIP reviews, and Maxine Groves, publicist for Booklover Catlady Publicity for the gift of a free copy of “Guilt “ by Joan Ellis in exchange for an honest review.
I never heard of this author, but all I can say is WOW! Can she ever write a powerful novel. I loved this story. I am so happy that Maxine Groves, publicist for Booklover Catlady Publicity, recommended this novel to the group. While this novel is listed as a psychological thriller, I would classify it as a psychological drama.
“You died on August 8th 1965, a month before your fourth birthday. You were probably dead long before Mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.”
But five year old, Mark was “Mummy’s good boy”.
Susan, the older sister was totally ignored and psychologically abused by her mother. Susan resented having a little five year old brother. He got all the love and the attention from mom and dad.
“Seven year old Susan is alone with her youngest brother when he dies of an overdose. The guilt informs the rest of her life. When it threatens to destroy not only her but also her family, she must return to her past to discover the truth.”
But what parents leave a seven year old to look after a five year old?
Susan tells her story directing all the conversation to her dead baby brother. Mark had taken some of mummy’s “sweet pills”, and never woke up. Their mother was an alcoholic and chain smoker, and preferred adult company. The children were discovered when the dad came home from work.
And Susan will always feel guilty…that she could have done more. But after Mark had gone, there was still no love for Susan. Mark’s death had “torn them apart.’
Now fast forward, and we see what happens to Susan, and what happened in her life. “Walk a mile in my shoes.”
“Trust is a weird thing, Mark. It’s like a favourite toy, once you’ve broken it, you can try and repair it but it’s never the same.”
I really enjoyed reading this story, the innocence of a child and my heart went out to Susan for all she had to endure. Even though I don’t have any children, this was a gripping emotional read. This is the first novel I have read by this author and I must say it definitely won't be the last. I plan to read “The Killing of Mummy’s Boy” next.
Thank you to author, Joan Ellis, VIP reviews, and Maxine Groves, publicist for Booklover Catlady Publicity for the gift of a free copy of “Guilt “ by Joan Ellis in exchange for an honest review.
March 23, 2018
EXCERPT: You died in April 1965,a month before your fifth birthday. You were probably dead long before Mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.
ABOUT THIS BOOK: Seven year old Susan is alone with her younger brother when he dies of an overdose.
The Guilt informs the rest of her life.
When it threatens to destroy not only her but her relationship with her new baby,she must revisit the past to find the truth.
What she discovers is as horrifying as it is magical.
MY THOUGHTS: Once started, I was unable to put this book down and read it in one sitting.
I have never before read anything by Joan Ellis, but I will be reading more. She captivated and horrified me with her story told from the child, Susan's point of view speaking to her dead younger brother Mark.
Susan has always believed it was her fault Mark died.
It couldn't be her father's fault - he was at work.
It couldn't be her mother's fault - she was out too, with her lover.
That just left seven year old Susan at home looking after four year old Mark.
She leaves him alone to answer the phone, and when she comes back he is dead.
This is not an 'easy' read - it will tug at your heartstrings. It will haunt you. You will not be able to stop thinking about what you have read as we follow Susan into adulthood and watch the effect her dysfunctional family and the guilt she carries for Mark's death shapes her adult life.
Thank you to Booklover Catlady Publicity for the e-copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.
Please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the 'about' page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com for an explanation of my rating system.
This review and others are also published on my blog sandysbookaday.wordpress.com https://sandysbookaday.wordpress.com/...
ABOUT THIS BOOK: Seven year old Susan is alone with her younger brother when he dies of an overdose.
The Guilt informs the rest of her life.
When it threatens to destroy not only her but her relationship with her new baby,she must revisit the past to find the truth.
What she discovers is as horrifying as it is magical.
MY THOUGHTS: Once started, I was unable to put this book down and read it in one sitting.
I have never before read anything by Joan Ellis, but I will be reading more. She captivated and horrified me with her story told from the child, Susan's point of view speaking to her dead younger brother Mark.
Susan has always believed it was her fault Mark died.
It couldn't be her father's fault - he was at work.
It couldn't be her mother's fault - she was out too, with her lover.
That just left seven year old Susan at home looking after four year old Mark.
She leaves him alone to answer the phone, and when she comes back he is dead.
This is not an 'easy' read - it will tug at your heartstrings. It will haunt you. You will not be able to stop thinking about what you have read as we follow Susan into adulthood and watch the effect her dysfunctional family and the guilt she carries for Mark's death shapes her adult life.
Thank you to Booklover Catlady Publicity for the e-copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.
Please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the 'about' page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com for an explanation of my rating system.
This review and others are also published on my blog sandysbookaday.wordpress.com https://sandysbookaday.wordpress.com/...
December 23, 2016
I have review copies of this fab book! Email me booklovercatlady@gmail.com for your copy.
Joan Ellis is a writer that needs to be noticed. It's so exciting when you discover a writer that has not hit the big time but you know that they are on their way there, it's like finding a diamond amongst a pile of rubble. And believe you me, I have read a lot of rubble on the way.
Guilt was a book that I did not put down once I picked it up, it engaged me fully right from the very first chapter. It's a book that is full of difficult scenes and events, painful moments, dysfunctional families, neglect, lies, deception and...guilt.
You died in April 1965, a month before your fifth birthday. You were probably dead long before Mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.
Seven year old Susan is alone with her younger brother when he dies of an overdose. The Guilt impacts the rest of her life. When it threatens to destroy not only her but her relationship with her new baby, she must revisit the past to find the truth.
What she discovers is as horrifying as it is magical.
Young Susan is taking care of her young brother whilst her mum is out throwing herself at a man who is not her husband and getting drunk, which is nothing unusual. Susan is alone in the house, this is also not unusual. Susan is a girl who is given responsibilities that she should never have to carry on her shoulders. She doesn't have a childhood like other girls.
The first few chapters gripped me fully, I was on edge, feeling all sorts of emotions and ended up in a kind of stunned shock. Joan Ellis doesn't hold back in this novel, she gives it to us straight. It's not an easy read. I was left desperate to know what came next.
The characters in this book are done exceptionally well, so incredibly real and raw, her parents and the way they are depicted is fantastically accurate, I felt like I was in the room with these people, being part of the events unfolding and wanting to jump in on conversations. I also wanted to take Susan into my arms and hold her for a very long time.
Time shifts and we meet Susan as a grown adult and the book sets out for us the impact of her childhood on where she is today, as with everyone, our childhood's often define us in the most unmovable of ways. I really enjoyed being with Susan on her adult journey, especially as events starting to roll towards some significant moments for her. Again, hard scenes to read, hard to take in, lots of emotions being felt. Susan struggles with internal demons that won't let go.
But oh! dear reader, by the time the first reveal and twist hits you it's like having cold water poured over your head, I am pretty sure my mouth was open for some time. From that moment on as Susan goes back to her past to get the answers she needs I was reading like a mad woman. I did not think the author could top what she had already given me in this book, but incredibly she did. Astounding.
It's gritty, raw, dark even in places. It's a hard one to put into a genre, somewhat of a psychological thriller, certainly a powerful story being told. To be honest, don't worry about what genre it is, just read it. It's a book that you can sit down with and just shut the world out from the first word until the last.
What happens to Susan can only be revealed by you taking her hand and walking on her journey with her.
I was originally going to give this book a 4 paw print rating but it has sat with me now for over a week and I still clearly remember so much and it still makes me feel so much. So I am giving it 5 paw prints as it's a stand out read. I enjoyed it very much.
For more of my reviews: https://www.facebook.com/BookloverCat...
To follow me on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/promotethatbook
Joan Ellis is a writer that needs to be noticed. It's so exciting when you discover a writer that has not hit the big time but you know that they are on their way there, it's like finding a diamond amongst a pile of rubble. And believe you me, I have read a lot of rubble on the way.
Guilt was a book that I did not put down once I picked it up, it engaged me fully right from the very first chapter. It's a book that is full of difficult scenes and events, painful moments, dysfunctional families, neglect, lies, deception and...guilt.
You died in April 1965, a month before your fifth birthday. You were probably dead long before Mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.
Seven year old Susan is alone with her younger brother when he dies of an overdose. The Guilt impacts the rest of her life. When it threatens to destroy not only her but her relationship with her new baby, she must revisit the past to find the truth.
What she discovers is as horrifying as it is magical.
Young Susan is taking care of her young brother whilst her mum is out throwing herself at a man who is not her husband and getting drunk, which is nothing unusual. Susan is alone in the house, this is also not unusual. Susan is a girl who is given responsibilities that she should never have to carry on her shoulders. She doesn't have a childhood like other girls.
The first few chapters gripped me fully, I was on edge, feeling all sorts of emotions and ended up in a kind of stunned shock. Joan Ellis doesn't hold back in this novel, she gives it to us straight. It's not an easy read. I was left desperate to know what came next.
The characters in this book are done exceptionally well, so incredibly real and raw, her parents and the way they are depicted is fantastically accurate, I felt like I was in the room with these people, being part of the events unfolding and wanting to jump in on conversations. I also wanted to take Susan into my arms and hold her for a very long time.
Time shifts and we meet Susan as a grown adult and the book sets out for us the impact of her childhood on where she is today, as with everyone, our childhood's often define us in the most unmovable of ways. I really enjoyed being with Susan on her adult journey, especially as events starting to roll towards some significant moments for her. Again, hard scenes to read, hard to take in, lots of emotions being felt. Susan struggles with internal demons that won't let go.
But oh! dear reader, by the time the first reveal and twist hits you it's like having cold water poured over your head, I am pretty sure my mouth was open for some time. From that moment on as Susan goes back to her past to get the answers she needs I was reading like a mad woman. I did not think the author could top what she had already given me in this book, but incredibly she did. Astounding.
It's gritty, raw, dark even in places. It's a hard one to put into a genre, somewhat of a psychological thriller, certainly a powerful story being told. To be honest, don't worry about what genre it is, just read it. It's a book that you can sit down with and just shut the world out from the first word until the last.
What happens to Susan can only be revealed by you taking her hand and walking on her journey with her.
I was originally going to give this book a 4 paw print rating but it has sat with me now for over a week and I still clearly remember so much and it still makes me feel so much. So I am giving it 5 paw prints as it's a stand out read. I enjoyed it very much.
For more of my reviews: https://www.facebook.com/BookloverCat...
To follow me on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/promotethatbook
November 18, 2015
3.5★
The subtitle of this short book is “Mark Wheeler: 1960-1965”
First sentence:
“You died in April 1965, a month before your fifth birthday. You were probably dead long before mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.”
Susan was only 7 years old, left home alone to look after little Mark while Dad’s still at work and Mum’s dolled up and gone to the pub.
Her parents deal badly with the loss, Mum disappearing, Dad just being neglectful. Susan’s guilt overwhelms her for the next decade. She grows up unattended, drifting from school to guys that take advantage of her, and eventually to a dead-end job, cleaning in a B+B for a sympathetic old lady, Dot.
Susan tells this rather gloomy story to her brother in Heaven but to nobody else. She apologises to him, gets angry at her parents, and wonders why she let him die. Soon, she finds a fella with secrets of his own. She wavers between caring for him and mistrusting him, much as she wavered about her feelings for her parents.
She sinks into such depression that she starts to doubt her own memories and begins to search for corroboration. The results are surprising and unexpected.
I found this story interesting at first, then slow-going in the middle, with its realistic, grim portrayal of depression and what I imagine is post-traumatic stress.
Then, the story kicks into life when Susan is faced with an ultimatum, and, figuring she’s got nothing to lose and everything to gain, she tries to make sense of what happened when her brother died.
That quest and her discoveries make for a satisfying end of the story for us and beginning of another for Susan.
I think Joan Ellis is an author to watch. I also enjoyed her The Killing of Mummy's Boy. Thanks to her and to BookLover CatLady Publicity for my review copy of this book.
The subtitle of this short book is “Mark Wheeler: 1960-1965”
First sentence:
“You died in April 1965, a month before your fifth birthday. You were probably dead long before mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.”
Susan was only 7 years old, left home alone to look after little Mark while Dad’s still at work and Mum’s dolled up and gone to the pub.
Her parents deal badly with the loss, Mum disappearing, Dad just being neglectful. Susan’s guilt overwhelms her for the next decade. She grows up unattended, drifting from school to guys that take advantage of her, and eventually to a dead-end job, cleaning in a B+B for a sympathetic old lady, Dot.
Susan tells this rather gloomy story to her brother in Heaven but to nobody else. She apologises to him, gets angry at her parents, and wonders why she let him die. Soon, she finds a fella with secrets of his own. She wavers between caring for him and mistrusting him, much as she wavered about her feelings for her parents.
She sinks into such depression that she starts to doubt her own memories and begins to search for corroboration. The results are surprising and unexpected.
I found this story interesting at first, then slow-going in the middle, with its realistic, grim portrayal of depression and what I imagine is post-traumatic stress.
Then, the story kicks into life when Susan is faced with an ultimatum, and, figuring she’s got nothing to lose and everything to gain, she tries to make sense of what happened when her brother died.
That quest and her discoveries make for a satisfying end of the story for us and beginning of another for Susan.
I think Joan Ellis is an author to watch. I also enjoyed her The Killing of Mummy's Boy. Thanks to her and to BookLover CatLady Publicity for my review copy of this book.
March 16, 2015
I give this my personal 3.05 stars. Its a very good story, full of very good characters what come to life among the pages as you read, its a short story, compacted with a lot of information.
Susan is 7 years old, she loves her Mother but her Mother has reserved all her love for her Mark, who was her son, he is dead now. Her Mother loves to drink.
When Susan was left alone with her brother Mark, he took an overdose, at a young age, she blamed herself.
Susan grows and she gives birth to her own son, things then change inside her, she needs to find out the truth.
My Thoughts
I found this a compelling read which I had to read in one sitting, thoroughly enjoying what I had read.
My thanks go to the author.
September 14, 2015
What Ellis does really well is put the clear voice of her character at the forefront of the story. In this, Susan reminded me of Rachel in The Girl on the Train. Regardless of what you think about the women, you do not for a second question their realness. This is what real people are like and this is their experience. To get that much into such a short book is a significant talent.
However, I didn't like the way the narrative was addressed by Susan to her dead brother, Mark. This is not a criticism of the author, but rather a personal preference. I find it jarring to move between the psychology of a character examining their own 'self', to them speaking to someone else within their mind. I find it difficult to believe that anyone would hold a sustained conversation in such a manner so the use of it as a literary technique detracted from the truth I found in Susan.
Overall, I thought Ellis had a very accomplished writing style and I'd be interested in seeing where she goes from here.
Many thanks to Joan Ellis and Booklover Catlady Publicity for this copy in exchange for an honest review.
However, I didn't like the way the narrative was addressed by Susan to her dead brother, Mark. This is not a criticism of the author, but rather a personal preference. I find it jarring to move between the psychology of a character examining their own 'self', to them speaking to someone else within their mind. I find it difficult to believe that anyone would hold a sustained conversation in such a manner so the use of it as a literary technique detracted from the truth I found in Susan.
Overall, I thought Ellis had a very accomplished writing style and I'd be interested in seeing where she goes from here.
Many thanks to Joan Ellis and Booklover Catlady Publicity for this copy in exchange for an honest review.
October 6, 2015
Susan was 7 years old and babysitting her 2-years younger brother, Mark. Tragedy strikes when Mark takes a handful of pills that belonged to their mother. When their father arrives home, he finds the two children lying on the floor .. Mark is dead.
Susan is now an adult with a young son of her own, but she still feels the responsibility and guilt of her brother's death. So how is she to forgive herself and go on with her life?
This is a short book, with Susan speaking to her brother, trying to make sense of her life.
The author did a very good job displaying the emotions that have guided Susan all these years. At times the story was almost gut-wrenching, you can feel the heaviness of the emotions that Susan must have felt every day of her life.
Although the book is well-written, I feel the overall characterization would have benefited from a little more to the story... something to balance all the overwhelming heaviness.
My thanks to the author and Booklover Catlady Publicity who furnished a digital copy in exchange for an honest, unbiased review.
Susan is now an adult with a young son of her own, but she still feels the responsibility and guilt of her brother's death. So how is she to forgive herself and go on with her life?
This is a short book, with Susan speaking to her brother, trying to make sense of her life.
The author did a very good job displaying the emotions that have guided Susan all these years. At times the story was almost gut-wrenching, you can feel the heaviness of the emotions that Susan must have felt every day of her life.
Although the book is well-written, I feel the overall characterization would have benefited from a little more to the story... something to balance all the overwhelming heaviness.
My thanks to the author and Booklover Catlady Publicity who furnished a digital copy in exchange for an honest, unbiased review.
March 9, 2015
What kind of parents would assume a seven-year-old could supervise a four-year-old while left home alone? Susan’s mother did just that, leaving her to keep her inquisitive young brother, the family favorite out of trouble. Accidents happen, freak accidents when anyone turns their back on a child. That night little Mark decided to try his mother’s “candy” and he died. The tenuous family ties were shredded and her mother left, leaving her with only her cold and distant father and the weight of the guilt of having been at fault for her brother’s death and destroying her family. When Susan gave birth to her own son, she failed to bond, failed to connect out of fear that she would also kill him. Her spiral into severe depression made her completely dysfunctional. Susan’s daily conversations with her brother was a rehash of every fault and flaw she had, real or imagined as the damage done to her by two self-absorbed and emotionally crippled parents. Was it her way of further punishing herself? Even the father of her son became distant and aloof, fearing for the child’s safety. When kind woman took her under her wing, Susan finally felt the love of a mother, but was it too late? What if one small detail had been given to her all those years ago? Would she finally be able to accept that what happened to Mark was never her fault, that they were both victims? Abuse comes in all forms, but the emotional and mental abuse of a child may never fully heal and until Susan participates in her recovery will she ever find peace?
Joan Ellis packs an emotional punch with her novel, Guilt, one brutal bare-fisted punch after another. Her development of this tale and her characters will weigh heavily on your heart and mind as flawed characters attempt to deal blindly with Susan’s issues. Throughout Ms. Ellis has created a pain-filled world where her heroine seems most alive in her mind, with her conversations with Mark, keeping the rest of the world at a distance. I had to ask myself, what would I do? Would I keep my past a secret or would I realize that a seven-year-old is not equipped mentally or emotionally for what was asked of her? Ms. Ellis shows us Susan’s internal pleas for love, forgiveness and to be allowed into the world of the living. From the first page, this dark and riveting tale of abuse and its aftermath will scrape at your heart, and fester in your mind as you realize, this is not as farfetched as it seems. Wonderful writing, straight from the soul, Ms. Ellis has created strong connections with readers using her words.
I received this copy from the author in exchange for my honest review.
Publication Date: December 1, 2014
Publisher: Joan Ellis Publications
Genre: Suspense/Thriller
Print Length: 219 pages
Available from: Amazon
Reviewed for: http://tometender.blogspot.com
Joan Ellis packs an emotional punch with her novel, Guilt, one brutal bare-fisted punch after another. Her development of this tale and her characters will weigh heavily on your heart and mind as flawed characters attempt to deal blindly with Susan’s issues. Throughout Ms. Ellis has created a pain-filled world where her heroine seems most alive in her mind, with her conversations with Mark, keeping the rest of the world at a distance. I had to ask myself, what would I do? Would I keep my past a secret or would I realize that a seven-year-old is not equipped mentally or emotionally for what was asked of her? Ms. Ellis shows us Susan’s internal pleas for love, forgiveness and to be allowed into the world of the living. From the first page, this dark and riveting tale of abuse and its aftermath will scrape at your heart, and fester in your mind as you realize, this is not as farfetched as it seems. Wonderful writing, straight from the soul, Ms. Ellis has created strong connections with readers using her words.
I received this copy from the author in exchange for my honest review.
Publication Date: December 1, 2014
Publisher: Joan Ellis Publications
Genre: Suspense/Thriller
Print Length: 219 pages
Available from: Amazon
Reviewed for: http://tometender.blogspot.com
May 23, 2017
Guilt by Joan Ellis, Raw, Painful and Honest!
I found Guilt a book I couldn't put down and from the first page was hooked, I needed to continue on and find Susan's truth. What exactly had happened on the day he died and could she have stopped Mark or had she in some way contributed to his death?
From the very first paragraph I felt the brutality of the statement of Mark having died just short of his first birthday while his mother was out drinking and with a man who was not her husband.
I also was stunned by the obvious abuse Susan already had endured at only 7 years old. Expected to take care of her little brother yet still a child herself. Her mother trying to extract a promise of secrecy and holding out a tin of biscuits but as Susan says "She held the tin open for me. She was
smiling, I remember the specks of red lipstick on her teeth but her eyes were hard like pebbles. Tentatively, I reached out. I was never sure with Mum. She was just as likely to slam the lid shut on my hand, as she was to give me a treat" Susan had already learned that the one person in the world
who would love her unconditionally and nurture her wasn't to be trusted, in fact would likely hurt her at any given time.
Unfortunately, after her mother left, Mark ran to get a stool over to the cupboard and brought down the bottle of "Mum's sweets". Susan remembers telling him don't and him daring her to also take some; the memory of what happened next is gone leaving a gaping hole leaving Susan to wonder what did she do? Now, as she's speaking with her brother Mark she's looking for his direction in finding out exactly what had occurred.
Susan was taken briefly from the home but with the police finding her parents not responsible for Mark's death she's soon returned home.
As her mother had eventually walked out leaving Susan with her father, gone to live with the same man she was with on the afternoon of Marks death, Susan has never had the opportunity to talk to her of what she may know of that day.
Her father is neglectful and rarely speaks to Susan and wants never to bring up the subject of Mark or ever hear his name spoken.
Now, with a child of her own and in a situation where all the previous events in her life have lead up to her now being faced with an ultimatum that she can't bear to make, she delves back into her past, looking for the answers she desperately needs to go forward in her own life.
Sometime the truth can be more heinous than fiction and as everything is laid bare, Susan can finally say goodbye to Mark and try to reconcile the horror and pain she's endured for an entire lifetime.
This is definitely a 5 star read, I would give it more were I able and I applaud Joan Ellis for taking on such a very difficult subject in writing Guilt!
My thanks to Maxine(Booklover Catlady) for a copy of Guilt to read and review and of course to Joan Ellis herself
I found Guilt a book I couldn't put down and from the first page was hooked, I needed to continue on and find Susan's truth. What exactly had happened on the day he died and could she have stopped Mark or had she in some way contributed to his death?
From the very first paragraph I felt the brutality of the statement of Mark having died just short of his first birthday while his mother was out drinking and with a man who was not her husband.
I also was stunned by the obvious abuse Susan already had endured at only 7 years old. Expected to take care of her little brother yet still a child herself. Her mother trying to extract a promise of secrecy and holding out a tin of biscuits but as Susan says "She held the tin open for me. She was
smiling, I remember the specks of red lipstick on her teeth but her eyes were hard like pebbles. Tentatively, I reached out. I was never sure with Mum. She was just as likely to slam the lid shut on my hand, as she was to give me a treat" Susan had already learned that the one person in the world
who would love her unconditionally and nurture her wasn't to be trusted, in fact would likely hurt her at any given time.
Unfortunately, after her mother left, Mark ran to get a stool over to the cupboard and brought down the bottle of "Mum's sweets". Susan remembers telling him don't and him daring her to also take some; the memory of what happened next is gone leaving a gaping hole leaving Susan to wonder what did she do? Now, as she's speaking with her brother Mark she's looking for his direction in finding out exactly what had occurred.
Susan was taken briefly from the home but with the police finding her parents not responsible for Mark's death she's soon returned home.
As her mother had eventually walked out leaving Susan with her father, gone to live with the same man she was with on the afternoon of Marks death, Susan has never had the opportunity to talk to her of what she may know of that day.
Her father is neglectful and rarely speaks to Susan and wants never to bring up the subject of Mark or ever hear his name spoken.
Now, with a child of her own and in a situation where all the previous events in her life have lead up to her now being faced with an ultimatum that she can't bear to make, she delves back into her past, looking for the answers she desperately needs to go forward in her own life.
Sometime the truth can be more heinous than fiction and as everything is laid bare, Susan can finally say goodbye to Mark and try to reconcile the horror and pain she's endured for an entire lifetime.
This is definitely a 5 star read, I would give it more were I able and I applaud Joan Ellis for taking on such a very difficult subject in writing Guilt!
My thanks to Maxine(Booklover Catlady) for a copy of Guilt to read and review and of course to Joan Ellis herself
September 21, 2016
Seven year old Susan, and her younger brother, Mark, endured a less than ideal childhood and home life. Mark was the one human being with whom Susan was truly connected. Unfortunately, due to extremely poor parenting, Mark lost his life. From that moment on, guilt and a great sense of loss and disconnection followed Susan everywhere.
All of the neglect, abuse and disappointments wore on Susan. Life made no sense.
There weren't just gaps in her environment, there were gaping holes. Relationships with adults who should have been nurturing, were dysfunctional at best.
After leaving home and starting a job at a run-down B&B, she finally met people who began to care for her. The owner, a woman with a crusty, gruff exterior, showed kindness and concern, both of which were sorely lacking in Susan's life. While working at the B&B, Susan met Liam. As their relationship grew, she experienced unconditional love for the first time in her life. This was a new beginning for Susan.
This book told the story of a journey from the darkness of guilt and lies to the light of truth and forgiveness. Well done!
Many thanks to the author and Booklover Catlady Publicity for my free review copy of this book.
All of the neglect, abuse and disappointments wore on Susan. Life made no sense.
There weren't just gaps in her environment, there were gaping holes. Relationships with adults who should have been nurturing, were dysfunctional at best.
After leaving home and starting a job at a run-down B&B, she finally met people who began to care for her. The owner, a woman with a crusty, gruff exterior, showed kindness and concern, both of which were sorely lacking in Susan's life. While working at the B&B, Susan met Liam. As their relationship grew, she experienced unconditional love for the first time in her life. This was a new beginning for Susan.
This book told the story of a journey from the darkness of guilt and lies to the light of truth and forgiveness. Well done!
Many thanks to the author and Booklover Catlady Publicity for my free review copy of this book.
October 7, 2015
I'm going out on a limb here but when I finished it - all I thought was "is that it?" I'm not heartless but I am logical. I can see why a seven year old child would feel guilty if her little brother died in her care, especially in such a dysfunctional family. But why on earth would a grown woman continue to think that way? Why couldn't she talk about it to her husband? I think some readers may have thought she was very brave but to me Susan came across as someone too fearful to live. Her logic about being to afraid to love her baby is not logical at all. I know some women get post-natal depression but that's not all that was wrong with Susan. Who talks to their dead brother until well into adulthood? Maybe it just didn't grab me. I can relate to some of the self-destructive characters I've read about. For example I really enjoyed Humber Boy B by Ruth Dugdall. I just think Susan had more options available to her (particularly compared to Humber Boy B) and could have made better choices.
September 15, 2015
Excellent
I was at first confused at where the story was going. Not sure if it was being told in first person or third person. But I believe that was the clever touch of the pen by the author.
The story is told through the eyes of Susan. At the age of seven, her irresponsible mother leaves her alone with her four year old brother who chooses to be a tragic mistake, after her brother finds his mothers tablets and takes them subsequently losing his life.
As an adult Susan finds it difficult to bond with her own child so she begins to write a very long letter to her dead brother about everything that had happened in her life since his passing.
This novel was so unbelievably gripping I read from beginning to end in one sitting. This is the second novel I have read by this author and I must say it definitely won't be the last.
I was at first confused at where the story was going. Not sure if it was being told in first person or third person. But I believe that was the clever touch of the pen by the author.
The story is told through the eyes of Susan. At the age of seven, her irresponsible mother leaves her alone with her four year old brother who chooses to be a tragic mistake, after her brother finds his mothers tablets and takes them subsequently losing his life.
As an adult Susan finds it difficult to bond with her own child so she begins to write a very long letter to her dead brother about everything that had happened in her life since his passing.
This novel was so unbelievably gripping I read from beginning to end in one sitting. This is the second novel I have read by this author and I must say it definitely won't be the last.
March 8, 2015
I won this in the 'first reads' giveaway. Thanks for the opportunity Joan.
At first, it was difficult to get used to reading a book in 'self' (Susan) to a 'dead brother'. Then I got used to it. It was as if she were thinking aloud to herself and soon it became easier. I realized toward the end of the story that Joan wanted us to get inside the mind of young girl, then young woman, who might be experiencing a mental illness.
Mental Disorder: a mental or bodily condition marked primarily by sufficient disorganization of personality, mind, and emotions to seriously impair the normal psychological functioning of the individual
This writing style was a brilliant idea and as I read further it became a tragic story about a young girl, Susan, and her younger brother who were left alone to fend for themselves, while the selfish manipulative mother went drinking. Susan then witnesses her brother's death.
It is a wonder how children perceive tragic events in their lives. It is not always as they think they saw it and this becomes the reality of their life, until it is changed. Many times therapy and/or medication can not rearrange the view of it unless the child can confront the demons, get to the truth and work the reality of the tragedy to a quieter peaceful existence. Often times children are left vulnerable to turn their thoughts inward (It is MY fault), creating havoc in their every day lives, just by being there, festering like a puss-like pimple.
When Susan is older, married and then becomes pregnant herself, the pimple pops and out comes the paranoia, the anxieties, self doubts and the demons, almost recreating the dysfunctional behavior so apparent in her mother and father. Susan's pregnancy was a major trigger. In order for Susan to function and save herself and the relationship with her child she must investigate the discerning event that happened in her young life, and she does this with bravery and determination. Had the ending not been as uplifting, I would have been sorely disappointed. It gives the reader hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. I love how Susan's husband is also battling his own demons, his bio-mother being the attentive nurturing person that she is. With age, comes experience and wisdom, I say to my children. The story was that much more interesting and fulfilling a read with those characters. If not for them, it would have been a very depressing read.
A good read for those who are unfamiliar with words like "Mental Disorder" and the symptoms behind it. Walk a few miles in my shoes
At first, it was difficult to get used to reading a book in 'self' (Susan) to a 'dead brother'. Then I got used to it. It was as if she were thinking aloud to herself and soon it became easier. I realized toward the end of the story that Joan wanted us to get inside the mind of young girl, then young woman, who might be experiencing a mental illness.
Mental Disorder: a mental or bodily condition marked primarily by sufficient disorganization of personality, mind, and emotions to seriously impair the normal psychological functioning of the individual
This writing style was a brilliant idea and as I read further it became a tragic story about a young girl, Susan, and her younger brother who were left alone to fend for themselves, while the selfish manipulative mother went drinking. Susan then witnesses her brother's death.
It is a wonder how children perceive tragic events in their lives. It is not always as they think they saw it and this becomes the reality of their life, until it is changed. Many times therapy and/or medication can not rearrange the view of it unless the child can confront the demons, get to the truth and work the reality of the tragedy to a quieter peaceful existence. Often times children are left vulnerable to turn their thoughts inward (It is MY fault), creating havoc in their every day lives, just by being there, festering like a puss-like pimple.
When Susan is older, married and then becomes pregnant herself, the pimple pops and out comes the paranoia, the anxieties, self doubts and the demons, almost recreating the dysfunctional behavior so apparent in her mother and father. Susan's pregnancy was a major trigger. In order for Susan to function and save herself and the relationship with her child she must investigate the discerning event that happened in her young life, and she does this with bravery and determination. Had the ending not been as uplifting, I would have been sorely disappointed. It gives the reader hope, a light at the end of the tunnel. I love how Susan's husband is also battling his own demons, his bio-mother being the attentive nurturing person that she is. With age, comes experience and wisdom, I say to my children. The story was that much more interesting and fulfilling a read with those characters. If not for them, it would have been a very depressing read.
A good read for those who are unfamiliar with words like "Mental Disorder" and the symptoms behind it. Walk a few miles in my shoes
July 28, 2016
This one put me through the wringer a bit. It's definitely not a feel good novel, though it does have its heartwarming moments. Most of it is bleak and raw. I'm happy to discover what I think is a very talented author and look forward to reading more of her work.
Many years ago, Susan's little brother died while in her care. The guilt from his death continues to rule her life even when she has her own little boy to mother. Shockingly, the tragedy happened when she was only seven and her little brother almost five. A seven year old shouldn't even be left alone to care for themselves, let alone for another. Who is to blame, the child who took mothers pills? The slightly older sister watching him? Or the parents, the father who was working and left them in the care of the unstable mother who left her children alone to go out with another man? Little Mark was the clear favorite child of them both and with him gone, Susan suffers even more than she had before. When she's grown and has a child of her own, she fears she'll hurt him and is too anxious to mother him in most any way. If she can't face her demons, she'll lose everything.
I love books that just seem to flow. You don't want to put them down even if you're uncomfortable, you don't get confused by the characters or distracted from the story. This book flows and I read it all at once. Joan Ellis is one to watch for! I came away from it not only thinking about guilt and maternal instincts, but how small decisions we make every day can alter so much.
I received a copy of this book from the author and Booklover Catlady Publicity in exchange for an honest review, thank you!
Many years ago, Susan's little brother died while in her care. The guilt from his death continues to rule her life even when she has her own little boy to mother. Shockingly, the tragedy happened when she was only seven and her little brother almost five. A seven year old shouldn't even be left alone to care for themselves, let alone for another. Who is to blame, the child who took mothers pills? The slightly older sister watching him? Or the parents, the father who was working and left them in the care of the unstable mother who left her children alone to go out with another man? Little Mark was the clear favorite child of them both and with him gone, Susan suffers even more than she had before. When she's grown and has a child of her own, she fears she'll hurt him and is too anxious to mother him in most any way. If she can't face her demons, she'll lose everything.
I love books that just seem to flow. You don't want to put them down even if you're uncomfortable, you don't get confused by the characters or distracted from the story. This book flows and I read it all at once. Joan Ellis is one to watch for! I came away from it not only thinking about guilt and maternal instincts, but how small decisions we make every day can alter so much.
I received a copy of this book from the author and Booklover Catlady Publicity in exchange for an honest review, thank you!
September 15, 2015
4.5 stars
Almost perfect, right down to its brevity.
This is the story of Susan, a young woman marked for misery and loneliness before she's 5. Her parents favor her younger brother, but leave the two of them alone all too often. And of course, this leads to tragedy.
More tragedy waits for Susan in the aftermath of the accident that defines her life. Yet eventually she catches a break or two, and makes the most of it. But when she finds love, she isn't quite ready for a loving, trusting relationship, or what comes with that. Still, she won't give up on love when it finds her. But she has some reckoning to do to get to her happy ending.
Ellis writes this story not quite in second person, but almost - it's written from Susan to her brother, Mark, and so often she is addressing "You." I've read a couple books like this lately, and it's a very engaging tactic - you feel like you're overhearing a confession.
And Ellis writes this in such a way that you feel the horror mounting, you feel Susan caving under the pressure. Yet there is tenderness for her, forgiveness and understanding. You know as much as she does, so you just want to hug her tight and tell her it's okay.
Ellis also keeps this short, under 200 pages. Sure, she could have fleshed out some things, but the brevity keeps the story tight, and keeps it moving quickly. I think this was the right choice.
Thanks to the author and publicist for a copy of this to review. I look forward to picking up more books by Ms. Ellis.
Almost perfect, right down to its brevity.
This is the story of Susan, a young woman marked for misery and loneliness before she's 5. Her parents favor her younger brother, but leave the two of them alone all too often. And of course, this leads to tragedy.
More tragedy waits for Susan in the aftermath of the accident that defines her life. Yet eventually she catches a break or two, and makes the most of it. But when she finds love, she isn't quite ready for a loving, trusting relationship, or what comes with that. Still, she won't give up on love when it finds her. But she has some reckoning to do to get to her happy ending.
Ellis writes this story not quite in second person, but almost - it's written from Susan to her brother, Mark, and so often she is addressing "You." I've read a couple books like this lately, and it's a very engaging tactic - you feel like you're overhearing a confession.
And Ellis writes this in such a way that you feel the horror mounting, you feel Susan caving under the pressure. Yet there is tenderness for her, forgiveness and understanding. You know as much as she does, so you just want to hug her tight and tell her it's okay.
Ellis also keeps this short, under 200 pages. Sure, she could have fleshed out some things, but the brevity keeps the story tight, and keeps it moving quickly. I think this was the right choice.
Thanks to the author and publicist for a copy of this to review. I look forward to picking up more books by Ms. Ellis.
February 11, 2016
Susan was left home alone with her younger brother. He took an overdose and died. Guilt filled her childhood. Always blaming herself and trying to explain things to Marks memory/spirit leads Susan to grow up needing answers and reassurance that events that day were not her fault.
This book has some of the best opening lines I've read. They pack a punch, draw you into the book and lead into the day that impacted on Susan's life. All the characters are well developed. Some I liked and others (Susan's parents) I found myself despising because of their attitudes to parenthood. Other reviews have described parts of the story as slow and/or difficult to read because of Susan's depression. I found the pacing to be steady and the depression very well written. The complexities of the condition, and it's effects on those around Susan, were well expressed.
The way that Susan was affected by Mark's death was written in such a unique way through her constant talking to him. Explaining her thoughts and actions to him gave an insight into what was going on inside her mind. I was pleased that the book ended in the way that it did and that Susan could begin to look forward instead of into the past.
I highly recommend this book and thank the author for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.
This book has some of the best opening lines I've read. They pack a punch, draw you into the book and lead into the day that impacted on Susan's life. All the characters are well developed. Some I liked and others (Susan's parents) I found myself despising because of their attitudes to parenthood. Other reviews have described parts of the story as slow and/or difficult to read because of Susan's depression. I found the pacing to be steady and the depression very well written. The complexities of the condition, and it's effects on those around Susan, were well expressed.
The way that Susan was affected by Mark's death was written in such a unique way through her constant talking to him. Explaining her thoughts and actions to him gave an insight into what was going on inside her mind. I was pleased that the book ended in the way that it did and that Susan could begin to look forward instead of into the past.
I highly recommend this book and thank the author for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.
August 27, 2015
Woah! From the outset the main character draws you into to her world as a child…. And takes you back to your own (if you are of a certain age) where things were different and we were treated differently to how most children are today.
The raw emotions of the main character takes you right into the cupboard with her (you have to read it to understand). Whilst reading this it made me feel emotional and taken back to another era. That said I could not put this book down. If anyone ever says events in childhood do not affect your thinking as an adult (even though you can re-rationalise) should read this book. Scars and wounds re-open and memories seep through. Do I do as then, as I was shown/taught/made to feel, or try and be an adult and make my own decisions.??. Issues Susan has to deal with.
Susan talks to her deceased brother for most of the book, her spiritual friend, trying to rationalise what has gone before.
A gripping story with an excellent ending (I am all about a good ending!), unputdownable.
Joan, you have a talent and a gift, thank you for sharing.
I was given a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
The raw emotions of the main character takes you right into the cupboard with her (you have to read it to understand). Whilst reading this it made me feel emotional and taken back to another era. That said I could not put this book down. If anyone ever says events in childhood do not affect your thinking as an adult (even though you can re-rationalise) should read this book. Scars and wounds re-open and memories seep through. Do I do as then, as I was shown/taught/made to feel, or try and be an adult and make my own decisions.??. Issues Susan has to deal with.
Susan talks to her deceased brother for most of the book, her spiritual friend, trying to rationalise what has gone before.
A gripping story with an excellent ending (I am all about a good ending!), unputdownable.
Joan, you have a talent and a gift, thank you for sharing.
I was given a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
May 20, 2016
I received this from BookLover CatLady in return for an honest review, thank you.
Although a short book that could have comfortably read in one or two sittings, I was trying to read it in quiet moments during a stressful time so it took my longer than planned.
It was a very interesting read, it's written although the protagonist Susan is writing or even just talking to her lost brother, Mark.
Although I'm far from maternal, this book touched me. How one or two events that someone so young can experience warps their whole outlook on life and changes them as a person. No matter what happens Susan longs for her brother and is bent double by the guilt she carries on his death.
A powerful story, right from the start you're pulled into a reality of a child which has happened many times in real life, but we all go to bed praying that it doesn't, watching her grow and develop into a woman with a dark secret. Then how she tries to battle her demons.
I have already recommended this book and hope to see more by the author in my reading pile.
Although a short book that could have comfortably read in one or two sittings, I was trying to read it in quiet moments during a stressful time so it took my longer than planned.
It was a very interesting read, it's written although the protagonist Susan is writing or even just talking to her lost brother, Mark.
Although I'm far from maternal, this book touched me. How one or two events that someone so young can experience warps their whole outlook on life and changes them as a person. No matter what happens Susan longs for her brother and is bent double by the guilt she carries on his death.
A powerful story, right from the start you're pulled into a reality of a child which has happened many times in real life, but we all go to bed praying that it doesn't, watching her grow and develop into a woman with a dark secret. Then how she tries to battle her demons.
I have already recommended this book and hope to see more by the author in my reading pile.
August 31, 2015
urgh, don't know what to say about this, I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't hate it, I nothinged it. to me there wasn't enough story to warrant the book, It would have made a perfect novella
I didn't really like the characters, I really didn't care what happened to them, ( but then I find this if the character and I share no traits,) and I worked out the 'big reveals' chapters ahead of their reveal. Had the story been more eventful I would have enjoyed it. I feel like it's a good first draft, but needs rejiggering,
That being said, the author has some serious potential, and I think is definitely one to watch, she writes beautifully, so, even though I didn't entirely enjoy the story, I finished the book.
So, like most of my reviews, this book was a good short story, said long.
I didn't really like the characters, I really didn't care what happened to them, ( but then I find this if the character and I share no traits,) and I worked out the 'big reveals' chapters ahead of their reveal. Had the story been more eventful I would have enjoyed it. I feel like it's a good first draft, but needs rejiggering,
That being said, the author has some serious potential, and I think is definitely one to watch, she writes beautifully, so, even though I didn't entirely enjoy the story, I finished the book.
So, like most of my reviews, this book was a good short story, said long.
February 23, 2015
Susan has been haunted with her brother's death and the events surrounding the incident. She was only a seven year old child herself at the time of Mark's death but has blamed herself for his loss. Her strained relationship with her parents means that Susan cannot communicate with them but she has to put old ghosts to rest when she has her own son.
A dark and heartening story of a young girls grief and guilt. This psychological crime thriller had me at the edge of my seat and I could not put it down. I read Guilt in one sitting because I had to know what happened to Mark and how things would turn out for Susan.
A truly gripping story and must-read for psychological thriller fans.
A dark and heartening story of a young girls grief and guilt. This psychological crime thriller had me at the edge of my seat and I could not put it down. I read Guilt in one sitting because I had to know what happened to Mark and how things would turn out for Susan.
A truly gripping story and must-read for psychological thriller fans.
February 11, 2015
This book was well written but it contains material that could be a trigger to many people as it delves on childhood sexual abuse.
September 3, 2015
Gritty, Dark, Emotional & Gripping! A Mesmerizing Read! I Loved It!
June 18, 2016
***First I would like to thank Joan Ellis, the author, and Booklover Catlady Publicity for providing me with a free copy of Guilt in exchange for an honest review. My rating is 4.5 stars.
Blurb:
“You died in April 1965, a month before your fifth birthday. You were probably dead long before Mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.
Seven year old Susan is alone with her younger brother when he dies of an overdose.
The Guilt informs the rest of her life.
When it threatens to destroy not only her but her relationship with her new baby ,she must revisit the past to find the truth.
What she discovers is as horrifying as it is magical.”
Quote from Guilt:
“We search for the truth in the hope it will make everything right, but often, when we find it, we often wish we hadn’t.”
Susan, Guilt
What this book is about:
"One fateful night Susan was left with her 4 year old brother, Mark, while her mum went out to the local pub and her dad working late. An accident happened and by the time her dad arrived home, Mark was dead.
That resulted in her mom leaving and she ended up living with only her dad, where days went by without him speaking to her. Her whole childhood she spent fending for herself, faced boy-troubles alone and tried her best to make her dad proud of her.
Through the years she convinced herself that what happened that night with Mark was her fault. It escalated rapidly when she became pregnant and went downhill after her son is born."
What I liked about this book:
I really like this book in a sense that every mother, young and old can relate to this story and that sometimes your husband or boyfriend does not realise what you’re going through giving birth and then...motherhood. Well-developed characters. Title instantly made me read the blurb. Great story line. Page-turner. Gripping from page 1 until the end.
I recommend this for everyone!
Blurb:
“You died in April 1965, a month before your fifth birthday. You were probably dead long before Mum downed her third gin with Porky Rawlings.
Seven year old Susan is alone with her younger brother when he dies of an overdose.
The Guilt informs the rest of her life.
When it threatens to destroy not only her but her relationship with her new baby ,she must revisit the past to find the truth.
What she discovers is as horrifying as it is magical.”
Quote from Guilt:
“We search for the truth in the hope it will make everything right, but often, when we find it, we often wish we hadn’t.”
Susan, Guilt
What this book is about:
"One fateful night Susan was left with her 4 year old brother, Mark, while her mum went out to the local pub and her dad working late. An accident happened and by the time her dad arrived home, Mark was dead.
That resulted in her mom leaving and she ended up living with only her dad, where days went by without him speaking to her. Her whole childhood she spent fending for herself, faced boy-troubles alone and tried her best to make her dad proud of her.
Through the years she convinced herself that what happened that night with Mark was her fault. It escalated rapidly when she became pregnant and went downhill after her son is born."
What I liked about this book:
I really like this book in a sense that every mother, young and old can relate to this story and that sometimes your husband or boyfriend does not realise what you’re going through giving birth and then...motherhood. Well-developed characters. Title instantly made me read the blurb. Great story line. Page-turner. Gripping from page 1 until the end.
I recommend this for everyone!
June 19, 2015
Joan Ellis’s Guilt is an unconventional novel, a perfect example of what writers are capable of when unconstrained by convention. This quiet book packs a loud punch, bringing round for final inspection the idea that life is a circle and as it nears the end, the beginning will tend to rear its ugly head. Especially if the beginning is fraught with psychological damage such as that suffered by Susan, who as a small child witnessed the neglect and death of her younger, much beloved, brother Mark.
After years of alternating between wondering about and pushing away that horrible day, Susan sets her mind to discover once and for all what really happened to her darling Mark. She remembers Mummy went to the pub and Daddy wasn’t quite together enough to right a deadly wrong, but there’s a big black hole in the middle of all that. Throughout her fervent recollections, Susan talks to Mark as if he is still with her, as of course in one way, he is. He haunts her every thought, imposes his unlived life on her every action. Mark’s death won’t be the last tragedy to befall Susan, but it is the one that every other thing her tattered life hinges upon.
When Susan finds a job and a boyfriend one significant year, she cannot know how swiftly everything will change or how urgent her quest to know the truth about Mark will become. Soon, just as she is rendered almost completely incapable of action, it becomes imperative that Susan find answers to decades-old questions. So, as she slowly falls apart, she somehow manages to trudge through despair to find the truth beneath the mud of time.
Joan Ellis has a mind that knows how the human brain ticks. She knows its every fault, it’s every trick. She understands how to turn the muck of a not-quite-ordinary life into something like a heroic high-wire act, and for that, this reader has only admiration.
After years of alternating between wondering about and pushing away that horrible day, Susan sets her mind to discover once and for all what really happened to her darling Mark. She remembers Mummy went to the pub and Daddy wasn’t quite together enough to right a deadly wrong, but there’s a big black hole in the middle of all that. Throughout her fervent recollections, Susan talks to Mark as if he is still with her, as of course in one way, he is. He haunts her every thought, imposes his unlived life on her every action. Mark’s death won’t be the last tragedy to befall Susan, but it is the one that every other thing her tattered life hinges upon.
When Susan finds a job and a boyfriend one significant year, she cannot know how swiftly everything will change or how urgent her quest to know the truth about Mark will become. Soon, just as she is rendered almost completely incapable of action, it becomes imperative that Susan find answers to decades-old questions. So, as she slowly falls apart, she somehow manages to trudge through despair to find the truth beneath the mud of time.
Joan Ellis has a mind that knows how the human brain ticks. She knows its every fault, it’s every trick. She understands how to turn the muck of a not-quite-ordinary life into something like a heroic high-wire act, and for that, this reader has only admiration.
June 1, 2016
What a shocker!! This is such a sad story, brilliantly told. One person's life spent laden down with guilt and the consequences wrecking the future. Despite the ghastly life these people live, it is totally believable.
Susan is left alone with her 4 year old brother who eats some of “mummy's sweets”. Father comes home to find Susan trying to wake Mark up. Then things become a nightmare as Mother arrives back as well. Police become involved but somehow no one is charged.
Mum soon walks out having locked Susan in the wardrobe. Father comes home to find her and note mother has disappeared. She has a loveless relationship with her father and lives with him until she gets a job and leaves at 16. Having no experience of what it is to be loved, she becomes promiscuous with two boys from the same family – once she started work finds herself pregnant and miscarries.
A man starts coming for evening meals at the B & B where she works and lives, although the food is not good. He has taken a shine to her. Eventually she moves in with him having married, and falls pregnant. She has never spoken to anyone about her appalling childhood. She finds it impossible to bond with her baby and sets out to find answers about her brother's death which she has always blamed herself for. The horrifying past must be faced... before she can be free to got on with her life. The guilt of her brother weighs here down and she needs to be free.
My thanks to Booklady for the opportunity to give an unbiased review.
May 8, 2015
This book is very different to ‘I’m Ella. Buy Me’ which I read and reviewed in October last year. This is not a bad thing; it shows Joan’s marvellous writing talent at different genres.
Guilt is dark and at times horrifying when reading what happens to Susan as she grows up with her parents. They show her not even one ounce of love. They are often cruel to her and it’s terrible to read, I felt really sorry for her.
The book is written as if Susan is talking to Mark her brother who died just before turning five. Susan feels terribly guilty about it as she was there as the accident occurred. She can’t remember part of what happened and this plays on her mind her whole life until she is forced to search for answers so that she can rescue her relationship with her son and husband.
The most amazing thing was Susan’s childhood perspective. Reading how she genuinely trusted her mum and dad and craved their love and attention despite nothing but indifference, and that’s the best she is treated. It was heart breaking at times, and when she goes back to search for answers is also very sad and was worse than I imagined.
When she is having relationship issues I was just willing her to talk and explain what had happened in her childhood, Liam was so charming and I could see he really cared for Susan and wanted the best for both her and their son.
This book is short and easy to read in a few hours, especially as it is compulsive reading finding out what happened to Mark.
Guilt is dark and at times horrifying when reading what happens to Susan as she grows up with her parents. They show her not even one ounce of love. They are often cruel to her and it’s terrible to read, I felt really sorry for her.
The book is written as if Susan is talking to Mark her brother who died just before turning five. Susan feels terribly guilty about it as she was there as the accident occurred. She can’t remember part of what happened and this plays on her mind her whole life until she is forced to search for answers so that she can rescue her relationship with her son and husband.
The most amazing thing was Susan’s childhood perspective. Reading how she genuinely trusted her mum and dad and craved their love and attention despite nothing but indifference, and that’s the best she is treated. It was heart breaking at times, and when she goes back to search for answers is also very sad and was worse than I imagined.
When she is having relationship issues I was just willing her to talk and explain what had happened in her childhood, Liam was so charming and I could see he really cared for Susan and wanted the best for both her and their son.
This book is short and easy to read in a few hours, especially as it is compulsive reading finding out what happened to Mark.
September 23, 2015
As I kept reading the story, I felt myself empathizing with Susan, the protagonist. Her tears, her pain, her desperation, her unhappiness, all touched many chords in my heart.
The pain of losing someone dear is something which cannot be expressed in words, but being blamed for that loss leaves one feeling guily for the rest of one's life.
Joan Ellis has brought out the unhealed wounds of a young woman named Susan Wheeler. The emotional and mental trauma that Susan underwent as a seven year old, followed her into her motherhood. It was then that she decided to face her demons from the past.
The story subtly brought out the innocence of a little child and how this is cleverly exploited by adults to conveniently blame the child for their misdoings. Little do such adults realize that by making children the scapegoats for their misadventures, they are scarring these angels for life.
But as is said, all is well that ends well. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Once Susan found the silver lining in her cloud,a beautiful blue sky opened up for her. Susan's journey from a guilt-ridden child and woman to becoming the seeker and finding answers, is truly inspiring.
P.S - I received a copy of this book from Booklover Catlady Publicity in exchange of an honest review. Thank you Maxine.
The pain of losing someone dear is something which cannot be expressed in words, but being blamed for that loss leaves one feeling guily for the rest of one's life.
Joan Ellis has brought out the unhealed wounds of a young woman named Susan Wheeler. The emotional and mental trauma that Susan underwent as a seven year old, followed her into her motherhood. It was then that she decided to face her demons from the past.
The story subtly brought out the innocence of a little child and how this is cleverly exploited by adults to conveniently blame the child for their misdoings. Little do such adults realize that by making children the scapegoats for their misadventures, they are scarring these angels for life.
But as is said, all is well that ends well. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Once Susan found the silver lining in her cloud,a beautiful blue sky opened up for her. Susan's journey from a guilt-ridden child and woman to becoming the seeker and finding answers, is truly inspiring.
P.S - I received a copy of this book from Booklover Catlady Publicity in exchange of an honest review. Thank you Maxine.
May 5, 2016
This was an Incredible read, captivating and outstanding. The author has a natural talent for writing and has made this story blossom. The book is thrilling yet conveys so many different raw emotions, it's like a rollercoaster of emotions.
Joan has made the main character so unbelievably real, you feel their pain and sorrow.
The story is heart breaking yet simply brings a lot of strong points to the table for you to contemplate, the story stays with you after it's finished. After reading Guilty I feel empowered like I can take on any situation now.
The story is about a girl called Susan, she sadly loses her four year old brother Mark when she was just seven. He dies under her care from an overdose, it wasn't Susan's fault but for years she blames herself she thinks she should of tried harder to save him. It's about time her parents give her the right answers before Susan' relationship with her new borne son becomes too broken to be fixed.
The book can give you a sense of understanding, almost as if you are the character living her life through her eyes and I think this is such an important part of a book, being able to be the character.
This book was of the highest quality in every way I can't praise this book enough I really cannot express how captivating this book was.
I strongly recommend this book you won't regret it!
Joan has made the main character so unbelievably real, you feel their pain and sorrow.
The story is heart breaking yet simply brings a lot of strong points to the table for you to contemplate, the story stays with you after it's finished. After reading Guilty I feel empowered like I can take on any situation now.
The story is about a girl called Susan, she sadly loses her four year old brother Mark when she was just seven. He dies under her care from an overdose, it wasn't Susan's fault but for years she blames herself she thinks she should of tried harder to save him. It's about time her parents give her the right answers before Susan' relationship with her new borne son becomes too broken to be fixed.
The book can give you a sense of understanding, almost as if you are the character living her life through her eyes and I think this is such an important part of a book, being able to be the character.
This book was of the highest quality in every way I can't praise this book enough I really cannot express how captivating this book was.
I strongly recommend this book you won't regret it!
December 19, 2014
All of Susan's mother's love is reserved for her four-year-old brother, Mark, and seven-year-old Susan knows she can never expect so much as a hug from her.
Her mother often leaves the children home alone, which eventually leads to a terrible tragedy. Their father arrives home to find the boy lying unresponsive on the floor, and despite his efforts to save his son's life, Mark dies.
Susan is severely disturbed by the traumatic events of that night. From that day forward, Mark is in her thoughts constantly, and she relays everything that happens in her life to him as if he is still there with her.
Eventually, when Mark's death negatively impacts her role as a wife and mother, she knows she has to do something about it. But what?
The author brilliantly documents the transition from Susan being a relatively functional although troubled child to a severely depressed and dysfunctional woman. I couldn't put it down because I just had to know if she could ever function normally again.
I received a copy of Guilt in return for an honest review.
Her mother often leaves the children home alone, which eventually leads to a terrible tragedy. Their father arrives home to find the boy lying unresponsive on the floor, and despite his efforts to save his son's life, Mark dies.
Susan is severely disturbed by the traumatic events of that night. From that day forward, Mark is in her thoughts constantly, and she relays everything that happens in her life to him as if he is still there with her.
Eventually, when Mark's death negatively impacts her role as a wife and mother, she knows she has to do something about it. But what?
The author brilliantly documents the transition from Susan being a relatively functional although troubled child to a severely depressed and dysfunctional woman. I couldn't put it down because I just had to know if she could ever function normally again.
I received a copy of Guilt in return for an honest review.
September 6, 2015
Susan was asked to look after her brother Mark while her mum went out but her brother decided to take mummy's special lollies (which was tablets) and when her dad came home from work he found Mark dead on the floor.
Her mother and father never had anytime for susan it was always Mark and susan feels the guilt of what happened especially as she can not remember some of that night.
Later in life with a child of her own she has to find out the truth of what happened that night and what she can not remember so she writes a long letter to her brother telling him about everything that has happened in her life to date in fact all through the story she holds conversations with her brother.
Would she be able to accept what happened to Mark was not her fault?
A good read.
My thanks to the Author and Booklover Catlady for a copy of this book.
Her mother and father never had anytime for susan it was always Mark and susan feels the guilt of what happened especially as she can not remember some of that night.
Later in life with a child of her own she has to find out the truth of what happened that night and what she can not remember so she writes a long letter to her brother telling him about everything that has happened in her life to date in fact all through the story she holds conversations with her brother.
Would she be able to accept what happened to Mark was not her fault?
A good read.
My thanks to the Author and Booklover Catlady for a copy of this book.
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