Chasing Nirvana: A Seeker's Story of Love, Loss, and Liberation

by Priya Hutner

For fans of Daniella Mestyanek Young’s Uncultured and Tara Westover’s Educated, one woman’s gripping firsthand account of falling into—and eventually escaping—a female guru–led cult as she seeks her own personal awakening.

Growing up under the sway of a Brooklyn housewife turned guru, Priya Hutner is drawn into a world shaped by bizarre rituals, spiritual promises, and oppressive beliefs. What begins as a quest for enlightenment unravels into a stifling reality as the boundaries between spiritual devotion and control blur—and as Priya becomes an integral part of the ashram community, sharing the guru’s teachings, she becomes further entangled in a web of spiritual control and manipulation.

In this deeply personal memoir, Priya shares her struggle to break free from her guru and the cult-like grip to which she falls prey. Priya’s traumatic escape from the community marks a profound turning point as she regains personal power, rediscovers herself, and achieves true liberation in the process. 

A spiritual adventure story and a cautionary tale, Chasing Nirvana is a story of love, heartbreak, and redemption that offers a powerful reflection on the perils of blind faith and the beauty of reclaiming one’s life on one’s own terms. Priya’s story is a testament to the human spirit’s capacity for resilience, self-discovery, and freedom from the bondage of belief.

Genres: Cults

356 pages, Paperback

Published March 3, 2026

Reviews

[Kristen Reiter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Priya’s storytelling is raw, honest, and deeply captivating, and her bravery inspired me to stay true to my heart even when that truth shifts or gets hard. As a spiritual seeker, I saw myself in her search for meaning and was pulled into her journey inside a charismatic, cult-like ashram—its rituals, hierarchy, and the slow unraveling of illusion. Her awakening and ultimate decision to leave are told with clarity and courage, and I found myself rooting for her the whole way. This thoughtful, compelling memoir is a must-read for anyone drawn to spirituality, self-discovery, or the resilience it takes to reclaim your life.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to get an advanced readers copy of this wonderful book. Chasing Nirvana: A Seeker's Story of Love, Loss and Liberation, written by Priya Hutner, the former CEO and advisor to the guru of an ashram, is a compelling memoir. We follow the author on an unforgettable journey as she becomes entrenched in a cult-like spiritual community, and increasingly, becomes disillusioned by it.

As someone who has always been fascinated by spiritual communities, I learned so much about the rituals, rules, beliefs, and hierarchies within this ashram. I held my breath as Priya was being manipulated by a charismatic but deeply flawed guru. The tension builds as she begins to question everything she's devoted herself to while contemplating leaving the ashram. The internal struggle is palpable, and I found myself rooting for her when she finally makes her exit. Her resilience is truly inspiring. (Also, the chapters being named after songs? Brilliant touch.)

The author is remarkably honest about the dysfunction within the community, and her bravery in telling this story shines through every page. The story is well-written and thoughtful, never melodramatic, just truthful.

This book answers critical questions: How does one get involved in such a community? How do participants feel (manipulated? content?)? Are they free to leave? What happens if they try? Yet, I was left with unanswered questions as well. What happened next? How did Priya heal? Does she regret those years? What does she think of her guru now? Is she worried about current members reading this? Does she consider it a cult? My curiosity is thoroughly piqued, and I hope there will be a second book focusing on the new life she created in her forties.

This brave, honest, and utterly compelling memoir is essential reading for anyone interested in cult-like communities, self-discovery, spirituality, and transcending challenging life experiences.

[Nicola Ranson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! That was my reaction upon finishing an Advanced Review Copy of this compelling saga of Priya’s many years in a tantric Kali-cult with an exotic female guru from Brooklyn. It is an unusual and extensive memoir
because it covers over twenty years spent as the guru’s right-hand woman (Bhagwan’s Sheela in Osho/Rajneesh parlance). Plus Priya’s parents, brother and sons are all involved, so it is a second (and even third) generation saga that explores the experience of being both the child and the parent of cult members.

Priya’s detailed observations of her daily life give the reader a full immersion into the inner circle, the spiritual and ecstatic highs and a close-up look into the guru’s practices and personality. I found the story of her devotion and spiritual path enticing – for years she seems content with her choices. But she slowly awakens to the call of conscience, the inner voice that is at odds with the culture she has given her life to.

Priya’s feisty spirit is always present, and (spoiler alert!) eventually compels her to confront the discrepancies
in her inner and outer worlds and set herself free. She conveys the immense loss this involves, but without rancor even as she portrays a guru who is undone by not getting her own way – which brings into question the whole concept of a love that was allegedly unconditional. This is a great story for anyone interested in cults, gurus or the path to enlightenment. I certainly hope there is a sequel!

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

In CHASING NIRVANA: A Seeker’s Story of Love, Loss, and Liberation, Priya Hutner offers a deeply personal memoir about her journey into, and eventual escape from, a spiritual community led by a charismatic female guru. What begins as a search for enlightenment slowly transforms into a story of manipulation, devotion, and the difficult process of reclaiming personal independence.

Hutner recounts how she became involved in the ashram at a young age, drawn in by promises of spiritual awakening and a sense of belonging. Over time, she becomes deeply embedded in the community, eventually taking on significant responsibilities within the guru’s inner circle. As the years pass, however, the spiritual ideals she once believed in begin to clash with the restrictive and controlling environment surrounding the group.

One of the memoir’s strongest elements is the author’s honesty. Hutner reflects openly on the emotional and psychological hold the community had on her, allowing readers to see both the appeal and the danger of such environments. Her journey toward independence and self-discovery becomes the emotional heart of the book.

While the story is sometimes difficult and heavy due to its subject matter, it ultimately becomes a powerful narrative about resilience, personal awakening, and the courage required to walk away from a life built on unquestioned belief.

[Yvonne Glasgow · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read for anyone who has any interest in gurus and/or cults. Priya Hutner spent 20 years in the Kashi Ashram with Ma, a self-spoken guru. The pages of this book tell her story of love and loss. It dives into the tale of a young mother, abuse, and what it is like being a child raised in a cult.

While Ma and the Kashi Ashram did plenty of good in the world, it was still a cult, and Ma was a cult leader. Breaking away from that cult was not easy for the author, and we are allowed to feel her pain and torment over her final realization that she has to leave that place. There are plenty of reasons to place trigger warnings at the beginning of this book -- it takes you through struggling romantic relationships and what it is like to be under someone else's full control of every step you take.

Priya left Ma's cult four years before Ma passed from pancreatic cancer. She finishes her story with just a quick mention of this -- but knowing all she went through from starting yoga as a teen and then moving states to follow Ma, readers can be assured that there was still feeling and connection, even in the end.

[Bridey Thelen-Heidel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to be gifted an ARC of this incredible memoir by the author! It is a vulnerable and bold telling of stories that feel like they've been waiting decades to be released.
Chasing Nirvana beckons us inside the incense-filled ashram, to sit at the feet of “Ma”—a diet-obsessed guru in red plaid and gold bangles who is both evangelical pastor and charismatic MLM leader. After decades of secrets and sacrifice, Priya tells tough truths about the ritual de lo habitual of life in a cult. Realizing Ma’s insatiable appetite for devotion is starving those around her of their own happiness, Priya makes the impossible choice to chase her own Nirvana.
LOVED this book and applaud the author for her courage.

[Charles Malumba · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chasing Nirvana caught me from the first moment's with its description of the goddess Kali's strange, almost cult-like practices. I had never heard of this particular cult before, and Hutner opened my eyes to a whole new world I would never believe existed in central Florida.

I generally tend to enjoy memoir's like this one, but Hutner's story is particularly compelling. She brought to light a unique guru culture I never knew existed, and her story typified how difficult it can be to escape these false beliefs without anything else to cling to. Hutner presents an honest, brutal reality detaching herself from the ashram, and I couldn't stop turning the pages. It's incredible!

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little repetitive (especially toward the end) but wow! This story. If, like myself, you are a consumer of books and docuseries covering ANY & ALL cults and cult like things... GET YOUR RED STRING OUT! There was a LOT of crossover in here.

I am a fan of yoga and I am learning to focus on my breathwork (you know aging, stress, general wellbeing), but it is a fine line between taking care of yourself and following a false guru. As they say, buyer beware!

[Meghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book transported me immediately. Priya Hunter developed the imagery in this book so perfectly that I felt like I was right along for the ride with her. Even though there were some parts that were a little tricky to transition, I still enjoyed the experience of reading this book. If you're in need of a book full of wisdom, fulfillment, and life changing experiences, I highly recommend this book.

[Jani Osborne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished the book a few nights ago and was left in awe of Priya’s bravery and vulnerability throughout the story. She shares real emotion and vivid recollections of her time spent in the ashram under the guru Ma. Each chapter reveals deeper truths about her journey and the experiences that shaped who she is today, ultimately leading her to become the remarkable woman we know.

[Anette · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brave and bold true tale of living in, loving, and surviving a cult! Highly recommended.