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Sense of Self
Caleb has always felt like an outsider. His family sees him as a disappointment. His boyfriend keeps him a secret. At the gym where he works, he’s surrounded by bodies he’ll never have - a daily reminder of the one he does. Convinced he’s unlovable and unwanted, Caleb decides there’s only one way out.
But when a stranger pulls him back from the edge and welcomes him into a warm, accepting community, Caleb dares to hope. For the first time in his life, he feels safe and wanted. The group prays to a god he’s never heard of, but their love seems real, and their faith is so strong that Caleb doesn’t hesitate to join in when invited.
Until the dreams begin.
A long-forgotten god whispers to Caleb in the dark, its voice gentle and loving. And when the prayers turn to rituals, and the rituals turn to blood, Caleb is forced to Is this the cost of belonging? Or is he being shaped into something else?
As he descends into a faith soaked in mystery and flesh, Caleb must confront the question that has haunted him all his Is being loved worth losing yourself completely?
But when a stranger pulls him back from the edge and welcomes him into a warm, accepting community, Caleb dares to hope. For the first time in his life, he feels safe and wanted. The group prays to a god he’s never heard of, but their love seems real, and their faith is so strong that Caleb doesn’t hesitate to join in when invited.
Until the dreams begin.
A long-forgotten god whispers to Caleb in the dark, its voice gentle and loving. And when the prayers turn to rituals, and the rituals turn to blood, Caleb is forced to Is this the cost of belonging? Or is he being shaped into something else?
As he descends into a faith soaked in mystery and flesh, Caleb must confront the question that has haunted him all his Is being loved worth losing yourself completely?
299 pages, Paperback
Published June 15, 2025
3 people are currently reading
19 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
August 25, 2025
"Sense of Self" covers quite a lot of ground for a horror book: it starts with the detailed portrayal of the shaky relationship between Caleb and his boyfriend, a relationship by all accounts sure to fail since it's so obviously a one-sided effort; when it does fail, it fails disastrously, bringing Caleb to the brink, the poor guy taking the failure as a personal indictment, assigning blame wholly to himself; coupled with trouble at the workplace and a very low sense of self-worth, Caleb makes the decision to unalive himself. All this is described with great sensitivity, empathy and care for the character. And yet this is just one third of the story!
Caleb gets saved and taken in by Robbie, a member of, well, to put it bluntly, a cult. Caleb receives so much love and acceptance, for the first time in his life he develops a strong sense of self (hence the name of the book). Again, the descriptions are handled with an eye to detail, emotionally and psychologically compelling; in fact, if you're interested in cults, this part of the book is a treasure trove of fascinating insights into how one's desire to belong can easily be subverted, without fuss or violence, into a spiral of proving oneself worthy to be part of the group - to the point of following the people one admires and/or desires right to the furthest possible extent. And that point is evidently one of blood and sacrifice.
And then Caleb (and the reader) discovers that this group isn't simply a religious cult; the promises of salvation and redemption are real. For me, that's when the horror really starts: a pliable and easy to manipulate Caleb is drawn into the worship of a mysterious old god. The story grows into a multi-layered and occasionally grotesque and shocking tale of cosmic and body horror, as Caleb's personal journey takes a horrifying turn.
The book delivers a gripping narrative of one man's path to self-discovery. Up to the last third, it might have been a novel about internal growth and transformation, a pleasantly complex and realistic narrative of Caleb's twisty account to find purpose and acquire individuality. The last third, however, proves to be a different thing entirely, and the ending itself is yet another unexpected element of the plot, one bound to be divisive. I myself am not sure I enjoyed the end, though I can see why it makes sense to Caleb himself, who needs to be the protagonist of his own struggles.
I recommend the book highly for its clean prose, realistic dialogue, and the absolutely convincing and heartfelt account of one character's evolution from a state of spiritual emptiness to a place of maturity and understanding. It's a true wonder how the book makes that trip feel real and insightful, especially since it's not driven by philosophical or sociological observations, but by raw desire and a craving for self and identity. The body horror elements might have been stronger, though they're organically developed and well-integrated into the story. If you enjoy emotionally heavy reads that will throw you for a loop, Lefebure's book is a must-read!
Caleb gets saved and taken in by Robbie, a member of, well, to put it bluntly, a cult. Caleb receives so much love and acceptance, for the first time in his life he develops a strong sense of self (hence the name of the book). Again, the descriptions are handled with an eye to detail, emotionally and psychologically compelling; in fact, if you're interested in cults, this part of the book is a treasure trove of fascinating insights into how one's desire to belong can easily be subverted, without fuss or violence, into a spiral of proving oneself worthy to be part of the group - to the point of following the people one admires and/or desires right to the furthest possible extent. And that point is evidently one of blood and sacrifice.
And then Caleb (and the reader) discovers that this group isn't simply a religious cult; the promises of salvation and redemption are real. For me, that's when the horror really starts: a pliable and easy to manipulate Caleb is drawn into the worship of a mysterious old god. The story grows into a multi-layered and occasionally grotesque and shocking tale of cosmic and body horror, as Caleb's personal journey takes a horrifying turn.
The book delivers a gripping narrative of one man's path to self-discovery. Up to the last third, it might have been a novel about internal growth and transformation, a pleasantly complex and realistic narrative of Caleb's twisty account to find purpose and acquire individuality. The last third, however, proves to be a different thing entirely, and the ending itself is yet another unexpected element of the plot, one bound to be divisive. I myself am not sure I enjoyed the end, though I can see why it makes sense to Caleb himself, who needs to be the protagonist of his own struggles.
I recommend the book highly for its clean prose, realistic dialogue, and the absolutely convincing and heartfelt account of one character's evolution from a state of spiritual emptiness to a place of maturity and understanding. It's a true wonder how the book makes that trip feel real and insightful, especially since it's not driven by philosophical or sociological observations, but by raw desire and a craving for self and identity. The body horror elements might have been stronger, though they're organically developed and well-integrated into the story. If you enjoy emotionally heavy reads that will throw you for a loop, Lefebure's book is a must-read!
November 24, 2025
Horror has taken me down some weird paths & introduced me to some even weirder characters. So when I began Sense of Self by James Lefebure, I was introduced to Caleb. Basically the personification of a self-loathing slug. The level cringe was level 9000 & the passive-aggressiveness was at a lethally toxic level. I couldn’t stand him. I wasn’t rooting for him. I just wanted him to break the cycle & a few douchebag faces, for his own sake. Then he got in the water & one of the most horrific character arcs sunk its claws in.
Quick Synopsis:
Caleb was a dull, sad boy. Nothing was going good in his life. Nothing seemed to ever go good in his life. So who was going to miss him? Why not go for a long swim? Destination: the Great Beyond. Lucky for him, a good samaritan was there to intervene & help him get back on his feet. Soon, he is introduced to a whole community of great samaritans who make him feel welcome, cared for, & accepted. All he’s ever hoped for. Now he doesn’t ever want to leave, but does he have the devotion it takes to belong?
James wove a very complex story with intense character building into a medium sized novel here. We watched a man who was already low, somehow go lower; then build himself back up into a whole new person. Then we also were able to be a fly on the wall of a quiet little community that turns culty REALLY quick. I think Lefebure captured the insidious manipulations coupled with vulnerability/susceptibility that makes us all question how someone allows themselves to enter a cult expertly. THEN everything goes batshit insane on a monstrous level & we are left on the final page with our eye kinda twitching, whispering, “wtfff” to ourself. Which means it was a damn good story to me. I highly recommend it. Especially if you love good culty vibes like I do. 🖤
Quick Synopsis:
Caleb was a dull, sad boy. Nothing was going good in his life. Nothing seemed to ever go good in his life. So who was going to miss him? Why not go for a long swim? Destination: the Great Beyond. Lucky for him, a good samaritan was there to intervene & help him get back on his feet. Soon, he is introduced to a whole community of great samaritans who make him feel welcome, cared for, & accepted. All he’s ever hoped for. Now he doesn’t ever want to leave, but does he have the devotion it takes to belong?
James wove a very complex story with intense character building into a medium sized novel here. We watched a man who was already low, somehow go lower; then build himself back up into a whole new person. Then we also were able to be a fly on the wall of a quiet little community that turns culty REALLY quick. I think Lefebure captured the insidious manipulations coupled with vulnerability/susceptibility that makes us all question how someone allows themselves to enter a cult expertly. THEN everything goes batshit insane on a monstrous level & we are left on the final page with our eye kinda twitching, whispering, “wtfff” to ourself. Which means it was a damn good story to me. I highly recommend it. Especially if you love good culty vibes like I do. 🖤
August 5, 2025
Caleb has never really belonged. After a lifetime of being sidelined and ghosted, he has nothing left to give. Rescued from himself, he is enveloped in the warmth and companionship of new friends; not even their strange worship of The One Below can dissuade Caleb. He is accepted. Chosen. He gives himself freely.
The character building is phenomenal. You feel every element of Caleb, you want to hug him and shake him in equal measure. When the reality of his new life is revealed, the body horror is eye-watering descriptive - the sounds these words conjure played out in stereo!
Both heartbreaking and horrific. A fantastic read.
The character building is phenomenal. You feel every element of Caleb, you want to hug him and shake him in equal measure. When the reality of his new life is revealed, the body horror is eye-watering descriptive - the sounds these words conjure played out in stereo!
Both heartbreaking and horrific. A fantastic read.
July 7, 2025
This is James Lefebure's second novel and is a complete departure from his first - the excellent The Books of Sarah. Sense of Self centres on Caleb, a guy who has always felt excluded. His lack of self-confidence has been with him since childhood, haunting him, holding him back. He can't believe his luck when he lands gorgeous boyfriend, Mike, but Caleb's luck just keeps going from bad to worse. Then, when he is at a particularly low ebb, he meets Robbie who. introduces him to a house-full of people who accept him for himself; they welcome him. For the first time in his life, Caleb feels like he has purpose and meaning. And it's addictive.
But this is no simple house-share. Caleb has unwittingly entered into the clutches of a cult, and life is about to get a whole lot more complicated...and scary.
This is a story you won't want to put down. Caleb is such a relatable character and we want it all to end well for him. Sense of Self is certainly a voyage of self-discovery, and it is one many of us will be able to relate to on an emotional level and I think this is the real hook of this story. For all its catalogue of incredible events, there is a reality at the heart of this book that grabs you, and clings on way after the final page. It is real horror with heart.
But this is no simple house-share. Caleb has unwittingly entered into the clutches of a cult, and life is about to get a whole lot more complicated...and scary.
This is a story you won't want to put down. Caleb is such a relatable character and we want it all to end well for him. Sense of Self is certainly a voyage of self-discovery, and it is one many of us will be able to relate to on an emotional level and I think this is the real hook of this story. For all its catalogue of incredible events, there is a reality at the heart of this book that grabs you, and clings on way after the final page. It is real horror with heart.
August 19, 2025
Sense of Self is an amazingly raw novel which asks the question of what one would be willing to give up to fit in. The entire novel could be taken both symbolically and literally. It is fantastic.
I want to hug Caleb. He is so real. He is so relatable. Every feeling that he has throughout the book is one that will evoke many feelings from readers. Fact is that this character is not only good, but he is very well written. I cheered for him, I cried for him, he is one of the best MCs I've come across in many years.
The supporting cast is amazing. Mike, Ian, the girls at the office are truly horrid people. Robbie and Jasmine are my people! Zachary is, well, read and find out 😉. If I have a nightmare about The One Below tonight, I will be legitimately afraid!
Overall, this book is absolutely amazing. This is one that I could not put down. I read the entire novel in one sitting, and I'd read it again!
I want to hug Caleb. He is so real. He is so relatable. Every feeling that he has throughout the book is one that will evoke many feelings from readers. Fact is that this character is not only good, but he is very well written. I cheered for him, I cried for him, he is one of the best MCs I've come across in many years.
The supporting cast is amazing. Mike, Ian, the girls at the office are truly horrid people. Robbie and Jasmine are my people! Zachary is, well, read and find out 😉. If I have a nightmare about The One Below tonight, I will be legitimately afraid!
Overall, this book is absolutely amazing. This is one that I could not put down. I read the entire novel in one sitting, and I'd read it again!
October 20, 2025
James has knocked it out of the park once again with, Sense of Self.
It’s a story about wanting to fit in, no, scratch that; it’s about needing to fit in, but not realising that you shouldn’t change yourself to suit others. And that is where protagonist Caleb lets things spiral slowly out of control.
Caleb is unhappy with every aspect of his life. His boyfriend doesn’t love him, his colleagues at work make fun of him, and he hates the way he looks. Rather than trying to take steps to improve his life, he spends his time like a shadow, only noticed when he is obscuring someone else’s light. That meek and subdued nature of his sees him sinking into depression and despair, and right when he hits the lowest point, he finds a saviour.
The problem is, he is unsure if he is now taking a path to something better, or if he is still letting others control him.
James’s writing does a wonderful job of conveying Caleb’s downward spiral, and although you will often want to grab Caleb by the shoulders and shake him until his balls finally drop, he is never unlikeable. Frustrating, yes, but he wasn’t a character that I found myself disliking. You want to see him do better, but deep down, you know that he probably won’t because, no matter what is going on, he lets others control his actions. Or rather, he allows his perceptions of how he believes others see him to control him.
Because, despite what I said at the start of the review, Sense of Self is a story about belief.
Belief in oneself. Why you probably shouldn’t choose to believe the opinions of others. And, ultimately, the greater belief in an unknown being beyond human comprehension.
And crabs.
It’s a story about wanting to fit in, no, scratch that; it’s about needing to fit in, but not realising that you shouldn’t change yourself to suit others. And that is where protagonist Caleb lets things spiral slowly out of control.
Caleb is unhappy with every aspect of his life. His boyfriend doesn’t love him, his colleagues at work make fun of him, and he hates the way he looks. Rather than trying to take steps to improve his life, he spends his time like a shadow, only noticed when he is obscuring someone else’s light. That meek and subdued nature of his sees him sinking into depression and despair, and right when he hits the lowest point, he finds a saviour.
The problem is, he is unsure if he is now taking a path to something better, or if he is still letting others control him.
James’s writing does a wonderful job of conveying Caleb’s downward spiral, and although you will often want to grab Caleb by the shoulders and shake him until his balls finally drop, he is never unlikeable. Frustrating, yes, but he wasn’t a character that I found myself disliking. You want to see him do better, but deep down, you know that he probably won’t because, no matter what is going on, he lets others control his actions. Or rather, he allows his perceptions of how he believes others see him to control him.
Because, despite what I said at the start of the review, Sense of Self is a story about belief.
Belief in oneself. Why you probably shouldn’t choose to believe the opinions of others. And, ultimately, the greater belief in an unknown being beyond human comprehension.
And crabs.
November 7, 2025
I recently picked this book up from James at the For The Love of Horror convention in Manchester, and I’m so pleased that I did!
The story follows Caleb. The first third of the novel is spent building his character, leading to his fateful encounter on the beach - and it is devastating. It makes everything that transpires afterwards that much more impactful. I relished the kindness of strangers just as much as Caleb did. The decline, and subsequent betrayal, was horrifying, and the ending was a wild ride!
I will definitely be picking up the rest of James’s books!
The story follows Caleb. The first third of the novel is spent building his character, leading to his fateful encounter on the beach - and it is devastating. It makes everything that transpires afterwards that much more impactful. I relished the kindness of strangers just as much as Caleb did. The decline, and subsequent betrayal, was horrifying, and the ending was a wild ride!
I will definitely be picking up the rest of James’s books!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 20, 2025
I'm not telling you what this is about, that's what the synopsis is for, my reviews don't do that.
This is a heart-breaking cosmic horror about acceptance, rejection and faith.
So many things resonated with me in this book that I honestly had to keep checking my name wasn't on the cover. This isn't JUST horror, despite the horror aspects being spot-on, this is JAMES LEFEBURE horror.
Halfway through this book I literally ran to Amazon to buy his other books and you should too!
This is a heart-breaking cosmic horror about acceptance, rejection and faith.
So many things resonated with me in this book that I honestly had to keep checking my name wasn't on the cover. This isn't JUST horror, despite the horror aspects being spot-on, this is JAMES LEFEBURE horror.
Halfway through this book I literally ran to Amazon to buy his other books and you should too!
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews