What do you think?
Rate this book
This Is Not About Running: A Memoir
By one of the fastest runners of her generation, an affecting, brutally honest memoir of elite sports gone wrong—and a clear-eyed call for how parents, coaches, and young athletes themselves can build a healthier youth sports culture.
Few women have ever run 800 meters in under two minutes. Even fewer people have taken on running’s abusive training culture and won. Mary Cain has done both.
She emerged as a running phenom at age 12, a straight-A student obsessed with Greco-Roman mythology and the freedom she felt when she ran fast. Like any middle-schooler, she just wanted to fit in, so she learned to run through the discomfort of hard training sessions, and the confusion of her coaches’ and teammates’ bullying. And she was overjoyed when, at 16, Alberto Salazar called to invite her to train with the famed Nike Oregon Project.
Cain was poised to transform the sport, Salazar told her. She resolved to hold on to his favor, even as he insisted she lose weight and push through the pain of emerging injury. For years, she excelled, setting records against elite runners twice her age. The Olympics were in her sights.
But off the track, Cain was crumbling. She snuck granola bars in the middle of the night and sank into a deep depression as injury after injury set in. Finally, she left the Oregon Project, telling herself she just needed a break. A chorus rang out across the running What happened to Mary Cain?
Now, with her suit against Nike behind her, Cain is ready to share her side of the story—and to flip the script on abuse in youth sports. She draws on her diaries from this wrenching period of abuse to show, with clarity we rarely see, how young minds respond to the win-at-all-costs culture that pervades youth sports today. By turns raw, wry, and impassioned, This Is Not About Running is a fierce memoir of the damage wrought when we prioritize competition over mental health.
Few women have ever run 800 meters in under two minutes. Even fewer people have taken on running’s abusive training culture and won. Mary Cain has done both.
She emerged as a running phenom at age 12, a straight-A student obsessed with Greco-Roman mythology and the freedom she felt when she ran fast. Like any middle-schooler, she just wanted to fit in, so she learned to run through the discomfort of hard training sessions, and the confusion of her coaches’ and teammates’ bullying. And she was overjoyed when, at 16, Alberto Salazar called to invite her to train with the famed Nike Oregon Project.
Cain was poised to transform the sport, Salazar told her. She resolved to hold on to his favor, even as he insisted she lose weight and push through the pain of emerging injury. For years, she excelled, setting records against elite runners twice her age. The Olympics were in her sights.
But off the track, Cain was crumbling. She snuck granola bars in the middle of the night and sank into a deep depression as injury after injury set in. Finally, she left the Oregon Project, telling herself she just needed a break. A chorus rang out across the running What happened to Mary Cain?
Now, with her suit against Nike behind her, Cain is ready to share her side of the story—and to flip the script on abuse in youth sports. She draws on her diaries from this wrenching period of abuse to show, with clarity we rarely see, how young minds respond to the win-at-all-costs culture that pervades youth sports today. By turns raw, wry, and impassioned, This Is Not About Running is a fierce memoir of the damage wrought when we prioritize competition over mental health.
336 pages, Hardcover
Published April 28, 2026
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 369 reviews
May 13, 2026
"This is not about running" is actually... a lot about running. Or at least, its about the culture we have created around it. And the abuse that runs rampant throughout the sport.
I think almost any female runner (especially if you grew up distance running) can in some way relate to Mary Cain's story. The female athlete triad of being underweight, losing your period, and getting some bone related injury due to being overworked is quite honestly an almost universal experience at this point, regardless of whether or not you had disordered eating. I myself got a femoral stress fracture due to the same thing. Many of my friends have had their fair share of bone injuries. But it is something that we rarely talk about. Something that coaches never worry about. And that needs to change.
So I applaud Mary Cain for bringing this into the limelight, along with many other very personal topics that take a lot of courage to put into writing, much less into a book for millions of people to read. I thought her writing during her time in the NOP was extremely well done. She shows how abuse is often not so upfront, and even when it is, there are personal ties created by the abuser to keep victims in place. Additionally, I appreciated how her writing showed the instability and often manic mind of someone suffering from a severe mental health decline.
While I thought the second half of the memoir was very well done, I struggled a lot with the tone of Cain's writing, especially during the first half. It is very very angry. Which I suppose is a surprise to no one, considering what she has gone through. But the retelling of some parts, especially of her middle and high school years, reads a tad unbelievable. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe that she was bullied and that her coach was an absolute creepo and deadweight. The problem was that I simply could not fathom the quantity of adults who verbally berated her in the fashion that was written. Maybe I just don't get how high school sports work in the US mainland. Maybe I think too good of people. Who knows. But what do you mean a grown woman called you a fucking brat?! HUH? I literally had to keep reminding myself that this was her point of view as an actual child at the time. Also people are terrible. And to be fair, her writing sounds a lot like when I am going on my own rants about middle and high school bullies. It just got a bit repetitive with the whole "everyone hates me" theme line. But I think a lot of that had to do with it being in written present tense and Mary Cain maybe not having resolved her middle/high school trauma. Which I totally get, because neither have I. And she has every right to be angry, so why not?
While I did struggle with the tone of this book, overall I think Mary Cain is entitled to complain as much as she wants to. I personally would never have the guts to spill my every inner thought about my old teammates, and air out some of their tea like wet laundry in a Latino household, but I also wasn't abused for five years. And to be honest, I think her frank way of talking about the people who wronged her is kind of refreshing.
This books reads very much as the story of someone who has not yet healed from her experiences, and that is ok. Perhaps writing this was part of the process. It is also a memoir, which I feel are harder to write reviews for since we are reading for the entire purpose of getting her perspective.
With that said, if you are someone inclined to shy away from honest complaints, this may not be the book for you. But you'll be missing a lot of insight on what is unfortunately, an all too common experience in the running world. Especially for women.
I think almost any female runner (especially if you grew up distance running) can in some way relate to Mary Cain's story. The female athlete triad of being underweight, losing your period, and getting some bone related injury due to being overworked is quite honestly an almost universal experience at this point, regardless of whether or not you had disordered eating. I myself got a femoral stress fracture due to the same thing. Many of my friends have had their fair share of bone injuries. But it is something that we rarely talk about. Something that coaches never worry about. And that needs to change.
So I applaud Mary Cain for bringing this into the limelight, along with many other very personal topics that take a lot of courage to put into writing, much less into a book for millions of people to read. I thought her writing during her time in the NOP was extremely well done. She shows how abuse is often not so upfront, and even when it is, there are personal ties created by the abuser to keep victims in place. Additionally, I appreciated how her writing showed the instability and often manic mind of someone suffering from a severe mental health decline.
While I thought the second half of the memoir was very well done, I struggled a lot with the tone of Cain's writing, especially during the first half. It is very very angry. Which I suppose is a surprise to no one, considering what she has gone through. But the retelling of some parts, especially of her middle and high school years, reads a tad unbelievable. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe that she was bullied and that her coach was an absolute creepo and deadweight. The problem was that I simply could not fathom the quantity of adults who verbally berated her in the fashion that was written. Maybe I just don't get how high school sports work in the US mainland. Maybe I think too good of people. Who knows. But what do you mean a grown woman called you a fucking brat?! HUH? I literally had to keep reminding myself that this was her point of view as an actual child at the time. Also people are terrible. And to be fair, her writing sounds a lot like when I am going on my own rants about middle and high school bullies. It just got a bit repetitive with the whole "everyone hates me" theme line. But I think a lot of that had to do with it being in written present tense and Mary Cain maybe not having resolved her middle/high school trauma. Which I totally get, because neither have I. And she has every right to be angry, so why not?
While I did struggle with the tone of this book, overall I think Mary Cain is entitled to complain as much as she wants to. I personally would never have the guts to spill my every inner thought about my old teammates, and air out some of their tea like wet laundry in a Latino household, but I also wasn't abused for five years. And to be honest, I think her frank way of talking about the people who wronged her is kind of refreshing.
This books reads very much as the story of someone who has not yet healed from her experiences, and that is ok. Perhaps writing this was part of the process. It is also a memoir, which I feel are harder to write reviews for since we are reading for the entire purpose of getting her perspective.
With that said, if you are someone inclined to shy away from honest complaints, this may not be the book for you. But you'll be missing a lot of insight on what is unfortunately, an all too common experience in the running world. Especially for women.
April 30, 2026
Cain was born to run. At an age when most kids are groan to think about running the mile in PE, she was winning races and setting records—and not everybody was happy about it. There were the other teenagers who didn't like to see her succeeding when they were not, and more to the point there were the parents who didn't like to see her succeeding when their daughters were not. There were the online trolls convinced, even when she was in middle school, that she must be doing something illegal, or simply insulting her appearance (to...bring a literal child down a peg, I guess?). And then there were the coaches who cared more about their own success—and about Cain's weight, and about whether she was doing exactly what they told her to do—than they did about Cain's success, or her health, or her happiness.
My strongest takeaway from this book is that Cain is angry, and that she has every right to be. Her writing is so clear and so direct, with chapter after chapter highlighting just how hard others made it for her: bullying from classmates and their parents; her school basically shrugging and turning away; her coach subjecting her to his whims and creeping around her bedroom when she was partially clothed and insisting on undernourishment because he was convinced that lighter would mean faster, no matter how "lighter" was achieved, and pushing her to train on debilitating injuries when she should have been resting. But I want to be clear, too: Cain writes all of this plainly, but the tone is not poor me; the tone is where were the people who should have intervened? Cain's parents sound solid, but she describes an environment in which other parents did not speak up; other coaches did not speak up; doctors employed by Nike (the employer of her coach; she trained with a "Nike project") did not speak up; her teammates did not speak up. Or, if they did, they spoke against her. And she asks: How can a literal child see that this is wrong when the adults around her refuse to do so?
This memoir is not about running. This memoir is about how sports normalizes the abuse of young athletes. (loc. 174*)
It's impossible not to read this and think of other well-publicized abuse cases. The way gymnastics turned a blind eye to Larry Nasser, for example, because in exchange for access to underage athletes he was willing to say "she's fine to keep training". Or even what happened with Kamila Valieva; there was so much discussion of positive drug tests, but realistically, any doping was likely to be the direct result of whatever her coaches told her to do. Cain is writing about abuse within the context of running, but it's fair to say that what she underwent is the tip of the iceberg as far as women's sports go, especially in contexts where the athletes are young. At some point things become less about athletic excellence and more about who has power over whom.
This was not an easy read. I took a break at around 30% because it was clear that it was going to be a while before things got better, and they were likely to get worse before that happened. Absolutely worth the read, but also perhaps a good idea to pace yourself.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
My strongest takeaway from this book is that Cain is angry, and that she has every right to be. Her writing is so clear and so direct, with chapter after chapter highlighting just how hard others made it for her: bullying from classmates and their parents; her school basically shrugging and turning away; her coach subjecting her to his whims and creeping around her bedroom when she was partially clothed and insisting on undernourishment because he was convinced that lighter would mean faster, no matter how "lighter" was achieved, and pushing her to train on debilitating injuries when she should have been resting. But I want to be clear, too: Cain writes all of this plainly, but the tone is not poor me; the tone is where were the people who should have intervened? Cain's parents sound solid, but she describes an environment in which other parents did not speak up; other coaches did not speak up; doctors employed by Nike (the employer of her coach; she trained with a "Nike project") did not speak up; her teammates did not speak up. Or, if they did, they spoke against her. And she asks: How can a literal child see that this is wrong when the adults around her refuse to do so?
This memoir is not about running. This memoir is about how sports normalizes the abuse of young athletes. (loc. 174*)
It's impossible not to read this and think of other well-publicized abuse cases. The way gymnastics turned a blind eye to Larry Nasser, for example, because in exchange for access to underage athletes he was willing to say "she's fine to keep training". Or even what happened with Kamila Valieva; there was so much discussion of positive drug tests, but realistically, any doping was likely to be the direct result of whatever her coaches told her to do. Cain is writing about abuse within the context of running, but it's fair to say that what she underwent is the tip of the iceberg as far as women's sports go, especially in contexts where the athletes are young. At some point things become less about athletic excellence and more about who has power over whom.
This was not an easy read. I took a break at around 30% because it was clear that it was going to be a while before things got better, and they were likely to get worse before that happened. Absolutely worth the read, but also perhaps a good idea to pace yourself.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
May 3, 2026
caught myself wondering if some of her writing was unnecessarily petty and realized umm absolutely FUCK THAT - why is it always on the onus of the person being abused to be silent, “mature,” or the bigger person? be explicit, name names, burn it all down!!! she deserved so much better - as a TEENAGER, she (understandably) trusted people in positions of power & they ruined more than just her career - it’s unforgivable! go off, sis!!
November 26, 2025
"Abuse is quiet. Abuse is insidious. Abuse happens behind doors that stay closed too often. To stop abuse, safeguarding practices need to be put in place. Companies, schools, teams, brands, and so forth need to put their people first, before the vague concept of their brand name."
As someone who has experienced abuse in the sport of cross-country and track by my own coaches, I connected deeply with Cain's experience. There were many times where I wanted to give Cain a hug. She tells it like it is, no sugar-coating. The chapters of her describing the sport as cliquey, how girls will outcast other girls because one is better or a possible threat to be better, was something that made me think back to my high school days and realize how true it is.
Reading about when Cain was forced to increase her workload even though she was injured and everyone just saying it is because she's "weak" or "on her period" was both shocking that doctors and coaches said it, and also angrily hit close to home. Not everyone needs the same amount of running mileage, because not everyone's body is the same. I hope this memoir helps change the world.
What I loved most, though, was Cain's fearsomeness to call out Nike for what they have done, even after the lawsuit ended. I absolutely love that she stands by what she believes in. Cain is a force to be reckoned with -- and I can't wait to see where her medical journey takes her!
Thank you, Mariner Books, for providing me with this ARC. I am eternally grateful!
"I wrote my New York Times piece out of fear. But not fear for myself. And Nike did not seem to realize that I wasn't at all scared about coming forward. I was not scared to talk about my mental health. Not scared to talk about cutting myself. Not scared to talk about how they were culpable. I was not scared of Nike." -- #SLAY! You go girl!!
_____________________________
pre-read:
as someone who also have experienced abuse from my college xc/tf coaches, i am an excited bean to read this 🤩 Mary Cain is an inspiration!
As someone who has experienced abuse in the sport of cross-country and track by my own coaches, I connected deeply with Cain's experience. There were many times where I wanted to give Cain a hug. She tells it like it is, no sugar-coating. The chapters of her describing the sport as cliquey, how girls will outcast other girls because one is better or a possible threat to be better, was something that made me think back to my high school days and realize how true it is.
Reading about when Cain was forced to increase her workload even though she was injured and everyone just saying it is because she's "weak" or "on her period" was both shocking that doctors and coaches said it, and also angrily hit close to home. Not everyone needs the same amount of running mileage, because not everyone's body is the same. I hope this memoir helps change the world.
What I loved most, though, was Cain's fearsomeness to call out Nike for what they have done, even after the lawsuit ended. I absolutely love that she stands by what she believes in. Cain is a force to be reckoned with -- and I can't wait to see where her medical journey takes her!
Thank you, Mariner Books, for providing me with this ARC. I am eternally grateful!
"I wrote my New York Times piece out of fear. But not fear for myself. And Nike did not seem to realize that I wasn't at all scared about coming forward. I was not scared to talk about my mental health. Not scared to talk about cutting myself. Not scared to talk about how they were culpable. I was not scared of Nike." -- #SLAY! You go girl!!
_____________________________
pre-read:
as someone who also have experienced abuse from my college xc/tf coaches, i am an excited bean to read this 🤩 Mary Cain is an inspiration!
December 3, 2025
I am completely gutted after reading this book.
In her memoir, "This Is Not About Running", elite distance runner Mary Cain shares her story. When Mary first reached the national stage as a young high school distance running star, her future looked bright and exciting. She left high school running early (we find out in the book was mostly due to the bullying and treatment she received by her school teammates and coaches) to run professionally. Things went horribly downhill from there. Mary bravely shares her story with brutal and heart breaking honesty.
The book begins with her middle school and high school years, and progresses chronologically. Mary's voice, as she tells the story in first person, is haunting, as she perfectly uses the voice that she was at each stage. When we read her thoughts and viewpoints of what is happening, we get amazing insight into how a young girl might process her coach's hurtful critique and accept what he, along with so-called doctors and psychologists are demanding of her. As horrifying and disgusting as it was to read about the
abuse and neglect from those entrusted to guide and support her, it broke my heart to see the many others surrounding her (teammates, competitors, other coaches, etc ) just watch on and do nothing.
This book is important. If you care at all about sports, young athletes, and fixing a broken system, this is a must read.
Thank you to NetGalley and Mariner Books for the advance read.
In her memoir, "This Is Not About Running", elite distance runner Mary Cain shares her story. When Mary first reached the national stage as a young high school distance running star, her future looked bright and exciting. She left high school running early (we find out in the book was mostly due to the bullying and treatment she received by her school teammates and coaches) to run professionally. Things went horribly downhill from there. Mary bravely shares her story with brutal and heart breaking honesty.
The book begins with her middle school and high school years, and progresses chronologically. Mary's voice, as she tells the story in first person, is haunting, as she perfectly uses the voice that she was at each stage. When we read her thoughts and viewpoints of what is happening, we get amazing insight into how a young girl might process her coach's hurtful critique and accept what he, along with so-called doctors and psychologists are demanding of her. As horrifying and disgusting as it was to read about the
abuse and neglect from those entrusted to guide and support her, it broke my heart to see the many others surrounding her (teammates, competitors, other coaches, etc ) just watch on and do nothing.
This book is important. If you care at all about sports, young athletes, and fixing a broken system, this is a must read.
Thank you to NetGalley and Mariner Books for the advance read.
June 7, 2026
This memoir's most compelling facet is the sheer honesty with which it is told. It's very clear to me that Mary didn't hold anything back in terms of telling her story. Which on its face, is a very sad one of an extremely talented athlete whose team experiences were rife with bullying, and later abuse. Two periods are described in detail - - her high school experience and then her time with the Nike Oregon Project.
All in all, as a reader, I was very engaged in Mary's story. The high school part seemed a little bit par for the course to me. If you get through high school unscathed by bullying and exposure to the worst adults can bring to bear, then kudos to you. But the situation at the Nike Oregon Project seemed much much worse. It's clear how Mary both idolized and was crushed by the chief culprit in her abuse, Alberto Salazar. Some of the anecdotes are just awful.
For better or worse, this book's tone is very very angry. Hostile. Filled with rage. And while that makes it compelling on the one hand, it also makes it harder to empathize with the narrator. I wanted to empathize more than I actually DID empathize because the tone doesn't engender it.
All in all though, I think Mary is doing a service by telling her story. Parents of young athletes need to take a lesson. While she absolves her parents entirely in her acknowledgements, I couldn't help but conclude that more involvement in this particular case may have been beneficial. Of course, hindsight is 20-20 so there's no way of truly knowing that, but I do think this book is a warning in many regards.
All in all, as a reader, I was very engaged in Mary's story. The high school part seemed a little bit par for the course to me. If you get through high school unscathed by bullying and exposure to the worst adults can bring to bear, then kudos to you. But the situation at the Nike Oregon Project seemed much much worse. It's clear how Mary both idolized and was crushed by the chief culprit in her abuse, Alberto Salazar. Some of the anecdotes are just awful.
For better or worse, this book's tone is very very angry. Hostile. Filled with rage. And while that makes it compelling on the one hand, it also makes it harder to empathize with the narrator. I wanted to empathize more than I actually DID empathize because the tone doesn't engender it.
All in all though, I think Mary is doing a service by telling her story. Parents of young athletes need to take a lesson. While she absolves her parents entirely in her acknowledgements, I couldn't help but conclude that more involvement in this particular case may have been beneficial. Of course, hindsight is 20-20 so there's no way of truly knowing that, but I do think this book is a warning in many regards.
May 22, 2026
I struggled with this book ... It felt emotionally exhausting from beginning to end. Unlike Mary’s New York Times article, which I found compelling and nuanced, the memoir’s structure and tone didn’t work for me. The chronological, present-tense format made many chapters read like diary entries, which created an intensely personal and emotionally raw experience, but one that I found repetitive and juvenile. I wanted more reflection or distance from the events being described, as well as more balance in the narrative. Because the chapters are extremely short (138 in total), the book moved quickly from one difficult experience to another, and I found myself wishing for more moments that explored joy, resilience, connection, or growth alongside the hardships. Why was everything in Mary's life negative? I found her to be an unreliable narrator.
I also found myself questioning how much of the conflict described was shaped by the broader systems around her versus the perspective and intensity of adolescence itself. As a high school teacher, I had difficulty reconciling some of the high school dynamics portrayed with my own experiences in education (though I recognize that schools and administrations can vary widely).
And then I know Shalane and to have her described in a less than flattering way ("I look back at Shalane, who stands with an overly dramatic sigh ... Shalane was rude ... " (page 104). And then she says "Jordan (Hasay) is always sending not-so-subtle digs at me ... I don't think she likes me" (page 123) ... She says the same about Shannon Rowbury. This is Mary's default (everyone doesn't like her, the world is unfair, she just wants friends, but everyone is mean, and no one likes her!) and it left me wondering what if she took things with a grain of salt and what if ... she thought people DID like her?
Overall, while I can appreciate the vulnerability and honesty of the memoir, it ultimately wasn’t an enjoyable or especially satisfying reading experience.
I also found myself questioning how much of the conflict described was shaped by the broader systems around her versus the perspective and intensity of adolescence itself. As a high school teacher, I had difficulty reconciling some of the high school dynamics portrayed with my own experiences in education (though I recognize that schools and administrations can vary widely).
And then I know Shalane and to have her described in a less than flattering way ("I look back at Shalane, who stands with an overly dramatic sigh ... Shalane was rude ... " (page 104). And then she says "Jordan (Hasay) is always sending not-so-subtle digs at me ... I don't think she likes me" (page 123) ... She says the same about Shannon Rowbury. This is Mary's default (everyone doesn't like her, the world is unfair, she just wants friends, but everyone is mean, and no one likes her!) and it left me wondering what if she took things with a grain of salt and what if ... she thought people DID like her?
Overall, while I can appreciate the vulnerability and honesty of the memoir, it ultimately wasn’t an enjoyable or especially satisfying reading experience.
May 7, 2026
I cruised through the audiobook and it ended with me crying in my kitchen. Mega trigger warnings and also one of the most honest memoirs I’ve read. As a post- collegiate athlete (both good and bad), it struck so many chords and was heartbreaking and enraging. I admire Mary’s story and honesty that will, hopefully, ignite change. Or maybe already has🤞 I hope to not have to read many more versions of abuse of female athletes for a culture shift. Fck Nike.
May 29, 2026
I was a fan of Mary Cain before this book, but not sure the same can still be said. She’s contradictory to her own statements, uses buzz words incorrectly and only has negative things to say about others. She lacks the self-reflection to take absolutely any responsibility for her part in any of her experiences. And let me be clear, I completely agree that she was a victim of Salazar’s and no blame should ever be placed on her for those experiences. However I find it difficult to believe that everyone she ever encountered bullied and harassed her. Her recollection of the bullying/harassment she received from her high school team, women teammates, and other competitors simply reads as, “everyone hates me because I’m soooo much faster and better than them and they’re soooo jealous of me.” She ends the book by saying people should give her grace and let her speak for herself about her actions and experiences… AFTER she just spent an entire book neglecting to give anyone grace or let them speak about their actions.
And don’t even get me started on her statement about how if you’re making money doing something good, then you’re not doing a good thing… okay medical student, who will eventually be making money saving lives!
And don’t even get me started on her statement about how if you’re making money doing something good, then you’re not doing a good thing… okay medical student, who will eventually be making money saving lives!
May 5, 2026
Such mixed feelings about this one. I was in college when her story broke and relearning about what happened is just as devastating now as it was then. I just didn’t love this book/her writing.
Aside: in general, I’m struggling to like memoirs where the author chooses to tell their narrative chronologically as if it were in the present tense (e.g., I’m Glad My Mom Died). It just feels disingenuous to recreate, in detail, what happened as a 17-year-old instead of reflecting back as an adult (like If We Break, by Kathleen Buhle — one of my favorite memoirs).
I feel for her though and what an awful situation. Despite not loving her writing, I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to write about it all!
Also, this is totally about running.
Aside: in general, I’m struggling to like memoirs where the author chooses to tell their narrative chronologically as if it were in the present tense (e.g., I’m Glad My Mom Died). It just feels disingenuous to recreate, in detail, what happened as a 17-year-old instead of reflecting back as an adult (like If We Break, by Kathleen Buhle — one of my favorite memoirs).
I feel for her though and what an awful situation. Despite not loving her writing, I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to write about it all!
Also, this is totally about running.
May 24, 2026
This book stirred up a lot of emotions for me, and I’m still not entirely sure where to direct them.
Mary Cain is undeniably a victim, and she didn’t deserve what happened to her. The culture she describes in elite running is deeply disturbing, and the failure of so many adults and institutions to intervene is appalling. I believed her anger completely, and in many ways I shared it. The book paints a picture of a community that normalized harm, especially toward young women, and that reality is hard to shake.
At the same time, I found myself unexpectedly conflicted while listening to the audiobook, especially because Cain narrates it herself. Hearing her voice, emotion, and inflection made the story feel intensely personal, but it also amplified what felt, at times, like relentless self-focus. Much of it read like, “I’m smart, I’m talented, and everyone resents me for it.”
What complicated my reaction most was the sense that Cain sometimes struggles to extend empathy outward, even while asking readers to deeply understand her own pain and insecurity. Many of the people around her were clearly operating within the same damaged system and their own insecurities. That doesn’t excuse their behavior (especially not Alberto Salazar’s, who is a monster), but it did leave me wishing for a little more reflection and nuance.
Mary Cain is undeniably a victim, and she didn’t deserve what happened to her. The culture she describes in elite running is deeply disturbing, and the failure of so many adults and institutions to intervene is appalling. I believed her anger completely, and in many ways I shared it. The book paints a picture of a community that normalized harm, especially toward young women, and that reality is hard to shake.
At the same time, I found myself unexpectedly conflicted while listening to the audiobook, especially because Cain narrates it herself. Hearing her voice, emotion, and inflection made the story feel intensely personal, but it also amplified what felt, at times, like relentless self-focus. Much of it read like, “I’m smart, I’m talented, and everyone resents me for it.”
What complicated my reaction most was the sense that Cain sometimes struggles to extend empathy outward, even while asking readers to deeply understand her own pain and insecurity. Many of the people around her were clearly operating within the same damaged system and their own insecurities. That doesn’t excuse their behavior (especially not Alberto Salazar’s, who is a monster), but it did leave me wishing for a little more reflection and nuance.
May 14, 2026
oh my god 😭💔 the first person present tense narrative really sold it because you totally felt the shifts and understood why she trusted him for so long (maybe not at the end but you, at that point, understand how she couldn’t escape the cycle of abuse). i was actually amazed at how it truly wasn’t about running, she could’ve been a lot cockier than she was but that made it so much better. i’m so sorry mary ❤️🩹❤️🩹
May 3, 2026
Mary Cain is stunningly clear, concise, and courageous in this account. Her choices to a) begin the story in her middle school years and b) write in the present tense both generate a well-articulated narrative: we see Mary as she sees herself, trying to grow up and succeed in an atmosphere that is confusingly cruel. We, the readers, see all the moments that set the stage for abuse by Mary’s coaches. Cain is clear that she’s an advocate, but not a martyr, a victim, but not a naive or helpless individual. Though Mary is a runner, and much of the book revolves around running, the title holds true upon reflection. Are there some controversial takes and barbed statements? Of course. This book is not for the running historian or biographer seeking objectivity, it’s for future-oriented people who are looking to better the athletic experiences of all girls and women.
June 10, 2026
Absolutely incendiary. I could not put this down all day, sneaking snippets at work and on the metro and then staying up past midnight to finish it.
May 25, 2026
Finished this in 2 days and wrote a looong review about it afterwards but realized that my analysis belongs with a therapist and not on Goodreads.
Giving 5 stars for the bravery of telling this story, not necessarily the way it’s told.
Giving 5 stars for the bravery of telling this story, not necessarily the way it’s told.
May 14, 2026
I remember exactly where I was when the Mary Cain NY Times article came out about her time with the corrupt Nike Oregon Project & the abuse from Alberto Salazar. I remember reading the article and watching her video right before cross country practice, then sobbing through a long run. I remember my coach reaching out to me in support, as Cain and I shared bullying from our high school teammates and a severe eating disorder triggered by the world of running.
Years later, this book had the same effect on me. In this gut-wrenching memoir, Cain is angry, and has every right to be. Her writing is direct, honest, and emotional- not in a “poor me” way, but in a “where were the adults who are supposed to help a child” way. This is by no means an easy read, as the abuse Cain suffered is beyond sickening and she spares no detail (the trigger warning at the beginning of the book was very necessary). Overall, this book is incredibly raw, and sheds light on not only the corruptness of the NOP & the “legendary” coach Salazar, but the world of running—especially professional running— as a whole. Would highly recommend this book.
May 18, 2026
Wow. As an athlete this is heartbreaking. I did not know the extent to which Mary’s high school coach also contributed to her abuse. It is hard to not think “what could have been.” My heart really goes out to Mary Cain.
May 20, 2026
ive always loved mary cain so i was really excited for this one! i have not been through anything nearly on the scale as mary but it made me sad that i can relate to small elements of her experience and have witnessed these themes in female sports. a really great memoir i think all female athletes should read.
May 10, 2026
Fuck the swoosh forever and ever.
May 9, 2026
Thankful that this book exists and that Mary Cain told her story. Incredibly hard to read at some points, but super powerful and necessary for female athletes and women in sport
June 11, 2026
Shame on Nike, shame on her coaches, shame on the media, shame on her teammates, SHAME ON EVERYONE🤬cannot even begin to imagine going through her whole experience, from high school to where she is now💔💔💔💔
June 14, 2026
I remember following along with Mary Cain’s journey as a fellow high school trackie! We are the same age and our long distance squad idolized her. This was such an enlightening and heartbreaking read. Justice for Mary Cain and all women wronged by AS and the NOP! I love all memoirs read by the author, but especially this one due to Mary’s vulnerability and publishing takes where her voice waivers 🫶
May 8, 2026
I put down this book thinking that Alberto Salazar was even more batshit insane than I had before, and I read Kara Goucher's Longest Run and Duel In the Sun beforehand.
Cain is most famous for a viral New York Times piece in which she chronicles the abuse inflicted upon her as a member of Nike's Oregon Project. She says that before she aspired to be a professional runner, she considered being a writer, and her first person, immediate style makes me think of the highly readable YA problem-focused fiction I devoured in my youth. However, this is a memoir, not fiction.
Reading about Salazar's obsessive focus on her weight (getting her down to 114 pounds from 120, and bear in mind Cain is 5'7) and his refusal to understand why her performances are declining as he tries to starve her on a 1500 calorie diet is just jaw-dropping, even from a training perspective, not just a human perspective. By relating this in the present tense, Cain takes the immersive reader on a journey of how young people, even those with supportive families, can be groomed and brainwashed (not using that term lightly, because BOTH books I've read on the Oregon Project make it sound like it was a kind of cult).
The downside is that like a lot of YA, however, there isn't much sense of the larger world outside of Cain, or much nuance. We don't fully understand why she loved running before it became so dark for her, or why she was bullied so mercilessly in high school (jealousy was a part of it, of course, but all of her teammates come off as nasty one-dimensional tormenters). I also wish there was more about the running, not just the calorie-counting at The Oregon Project. To really understand what was lost, I would have liked to have experienced more of the loss of the love and speed of running, not just the misery of what happened as a result of Salazar's coaching.
It's still an unusually well-written and readable book for a sports memoir focused on a single period of her career, and written by a relatively young person, though. I'm not sure if it would be interesting to a non-runner, but for runners, it's going to be a must-read and much-talked about.
Cain is most famous for a viral New York Times piece in which she chronicles the abuse inflicted upon her as a member of Nike's Oregon Project. She says that before she aspired to be a professional runner, she considered being a writer, and her first person, immediate style makes me think of the highly readable YA problem-focused fiction I devoured in my youth. However, this is a memoir, not fiction.
Reading about Salazar's obsessive focus on her weight (getting her down to 114 pounds from 120, and bear in mind Cain is 5'7) and his refusal to understand why her performances are declining as he tries to starve her on a 1500 calorie diet is just jaw-dropping, even from a training perspective, not just a human perspective. By relating this in the present tense, Cain takes the immersive reader on a journey of how young people, even those with supportive families, can be groomed and brainwashed (not using that term lightly, because BOTH books I've read on the Oregon Project make it sound like it was a kind of cult).
The downside is that like a lot of YA, however, there isn't much sense of the larger world outside of Cain, or much nuance. We don't fully understand why she loved running before it became so dark for her, or why she was bullied so mercilessly in high school (jealousy was a part of it, of course, but all of her teammates come off as nasty one-dimensional tormenters). I also wish there was more about the running, not just the calorie-counting at The Oregon Project. To really understand what was lost, I would have liked to have experienced more of the loss of the love and speed of running, not just the misery of what happened as a result of Salazar's coaching.
It's still an unusually well-written and readable book for a sports memoir focused on a single period of her career, and written by a relatively young person, though. I'm not sure if it would be interesting to a non-runner, but for runners, it's going to be a must-read and much-talked about.
May 22, 2026
Mary Cain is mad, rightfully so, and is here to tell us about it. This book is a hard read. It is sad, disappointing, angering--at parts I felt a bit called out.
She made an interesting writing choice writing about what she went through in the first person, at the age she was when it happened.
She calls out a lot of people by name or easily discoverable characteristics. The vitriol to her abusers is absolutely deserved, but there are some teammates and competitors who she is upset at for being mean or unfriendly--from the perspective of writing her feelings at the age she experienced it, it makes sense, but overall it seemed a bit excessive. I listened to an interview she did, and she said there were stories she did not include so it could be that this anger came from something she did not share. She also said that she understands that they were also part of the same system, could have been or were also suffering some of the same abuse, and she gives them grace, but that didn't come through in the book itself.
I wonder how many athletes Salazar left decimated in his wake? Cain and Goucher have shared their stories, but if you look at the careers, even of the male athletes, it seems like they too probably have scars.
She made an interesting writing choice writing about what she went through in the first person, at the age she was when it happened.
She calls out a lot of people by name or easily discoverable characteristics. The vitriol to her abusers is absolutely deserved, but there are some teammates and competitors who she is upset at for being mean or unfriendly--from the perspective of writing her feelings at the age she experienced it, it makes sense, but overall it seemed a bit excessive. I listened to an interview she did, and she said there were stories she did not include so it could be that this anger came from something she did not share. She also said that she understands that they were also part of the same system, could have been or were also suffering some of the same abuse, and she gives them grace, but that didn't come through in the book itself.
I wonder how many athletes Salazar left decimated in his wake? Cain and Goucher have shared their stories, but if you look at the careers, even of the male athletes, it seems like they too probably have scars.
May 27, 2026
It truly saddens me how awful Mary’s experience with running was nearly her entire childhood/adolescence. It put into perspective how fortunate I was to have such great coaches growing up and how healthy of a relationship I was allowed to have with the sport. Couldn’t put this book down. Very quick read, but can also be triggering for some.
May 20, 2026
5/5 - I picked up this book because I ran at the same meets as Mary in high school, and remember watching her kick ass. Having read her story, I feel ashamed to have been at the some of the same meets where someone was being so mistreated and isolated.
This was both an excellent and devastating book. Mary uses her story to drive home that the problems she illuminates are systemic - eating disorders in women’s sports, isolating greatness, excusing abuse as “tough love,” feigned advocacy in pursuit of money (both inside and outside of sports).
I particularly liked her reminder at the end - that writing a book about trauma does not mean she is defined by this. As with many memoirs, I felt myself falling into that trap while reading, and appreciated being forced to confront my over-simplification.
Hopefully Mary goes into EM! Based on the thoughtfulness and precision of this book, we need more future physicians like her.
This was both an excellent and devastating book. Mary uses her story to drive home that the problems she illuminates are systemic - eating disorders in women’s sports, isolating greatness, excusing abuse as “tough love,” feigned advocacy in pursuit of money (both inside and outside of sports).
I particularly liked her reminder at the end - that writing a book about trauma does not mean she is defined by this. As with many memoirs, I felt myself falling into that trap while reading, and appreciated being forced to confront my over-simplification.
Hopefully Mary goes into EM! Based on the thoughtfulness and precision of this book, we need more future physicians like her.
May 15, 2026
I couldn’t put this book down. Along with sharing her harrowing experience during high school and running for the Nike Oregon project, Mary Cain also challenged everyone’s views and ideas of her. The way she was treated and the plethora of examples she has about the toxicity of the running world is heartbreaking. At the end of the book I appreciated her discussion on expectations of abuse survivors, the complicated nature of healing, and the fucked up systems and expectations that normalize mistreatment in sports. I thought it was really well written and I’m glad to have gotten her perspective after so much has been said about her over the years.
“Over the last 5 years, I have been confronted with the two Mary Cains. There is me—the real me. And then there is the idea of me. The abused, infantilized, cautionary tale you tell other young women. I am not my New York Times piece. I am not one of my interviews. I am not an article you read about me. I am not a picture on the internet. I am not this book.”
“Over the last 5 years, I have been confronted with the two Mary Cains. There is me—the real me. And then there is the idea of me. The abused, infantilized, cautionary tale you tell other young women. I am not my New York Times piece. I am not one of my interviews. I am not an article you read about me. I am not a picture on the internet. I am not this book.”
May 11, 2026
Mary Cain’s story and the downfall of the Nike Oregon Project felt very paralleled with so many personal experiences within USA gymnastics.
I believe this memoir is for anyone who has young daughters, nieces or friends who are women in sports. Abuse can be silently hidden, physical, sexual, and emotional. Mary Cain does a phenomenal and vulnerable job in sharing the heartache of youth sports pressuring young athletes to become products of wealth and glory. The pressure to sacrifice what is ethical in order to be the best. Cain brings awareness of neglect from coaches, bullying from coaches and peers, and the pressure of what it takes to be “elite”. Her story brings awareness to the fault in youth sports- parents/coaches/adults who see children as opportunity and product. Oh how we have lost sight of recreation and play, and how corrupt we have become as competitors. This was exceptionally well done (bring tissues)
I believe this memoir is for anyone who has young daughters, nieces or friends who are women in sports. Abuse can be silently hidden, physical, sexual, and emotional. Mary Cain does a phenomenal and vulnerable job in sharing the heartache of youth sports pressuring young athletes to become products of wealth and glory. The pressure to sacrifice what is ethical in order to be the best. Cain brings awareness of neglect from coaches, bullying from coaches and peers, and the pressure of what it takes to be “elite”. Her story brings awareness to the fault in youth sports- parents/coaches/adults who see children as opportunity and product. Oh how we have lost sight of recreation and play, and how corrupt we have become as competitors. This was exceptionally well done (bring tissues)
May 8, 2026
Wow, I love Mary Cain. This memoir touched me so deeply I think because I could relate to the running part of it: the pressure to run well, the insane things people and coaches will do to try and run just a few seconds faster, the beauty of running fast, the pain of running slow, and just how easy it is to get sucked in and base your entire self worth on your running. Yet listening to this there were so many times I caught myself audibly saying “oh my god” and “what the fuck.” The fact that Mary was able to run and perform SO well while all of this was going on just goes to show how mentally strong of a person she is. I knew Alberto Salazar was fucking psychotic, but this was a whole knew level. This memoir was not an easy listen, and I feel so sad for young Mary who was just a fast high schooler who loved running trying to escape an abusive team and coaching situation only to get groomed into another. For anyone with this book on their list, listen to her trigger warnings at the beginning of the book, especially if you are trigged by mention of specific body weight.
May 4, 2026
Mary Cain's abuse on the Nike Oregon Project team is unique in its visibility and stakes, but not in nature. The narcissistic manipulation from her coach Alberto Salazar is textbook both in method and outcome- despite his lifetime ban by Safe Sport, he has the seeming security of allies and a maddening protective membrane of lies. Cain writes in the present tense to emphasize how blinding abuse can be: you can know and not know that what is happening to you is not okay. The title is apt- this book is not about running.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 369 reviews