A candid account of a fallen angel from grace – one of legendary tennis players I have followed in my youth, the antagonist whom I was hoping would lose out whenever he played the other legend I supported so much, Edberg.
Sadly, Becker chooses not to provide much detail (the how, and the whys) on the 24 charges of his bankruptcy proceedings. This then leaves the reader on his own to figure out whether Becker was really a victim of his own sudden success at 17 (as he portrays himself to be) handing over most of the decisions to others and falling in with the wrong crowd over the years. The reality may not be so simple, and yet that is not the point to the book.
Indeed, he writes, “if I hadn’t won Wimbledon aged 17, I would never have gone through any of this. The trust in older men to do my business, the habit of letting run my finances… If I’d never won it… these issues would never come to me.” To an extent, sure. Though, at face value, it does sound a bit like self-victimization.
Instead of dry details about his financial fallout, Becker focuses on internalizing acceptance of his past mistakes and remolding himself in a new “me” through serious introspection – partly thanks to the discovery of stoicism he discovers while in prison through a course (on Epictetus, Niebuhr and the others), and partly –I think, because he has ample time to reflect upon his past decisions. Quite a contrast to his earlier version on tennis court, where acceptance would mean being a defeatist.
His vivid descriptions of life in prison, the fragile balance among inmates, the emotional rollercoaster, and the lucid no-nonsensical style of writing made this a very enjoyable (and ultimately, and uplifting) read for me.
Of course, while the reading is far from dull, Becker provides a bit more “spice” in the form of little snippets of “daydreaming” he peppers throughout the book about his “past life” (i.e. the psychology behind the tennis matches etc.) – just as he’d provide a bit of spin in his famous serves wide out back in the 80s and 90s.
A few quotes:
“I lost the ability to handle bullshit. When your time has been taken away from you, you have no more time to waste.”
“It wasn’t that I had my life back. I’d been given a second chance, the opportunity to build a new one. Living better than I’d lived for a long, long time.”
“You hid the real you. You were indomitable. You were fearless. This could not be the same. It was letting people in. It was keeping secrets. Sometimes it was like therapy.”
“Everyone is equal in prison. It’s a democracy of rogues.”
“To achieve greatness, you have to be passionate, but you need to go further. You have to be borderline crazy. Obsessive, relentless, cruel, dismissive. It’s either full speed or nothing.”