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Bound by BDSM: Unexpected Lessons for Building a Happier Life
Why are BDSM practitioners so happy? It turns out, BDSM isn't just about whips and chains.
With engaging stories and a warm, conversational tone, Bound by Unexpected Lessons for Building a Happier Life reveals how BDSM practitioners use clear boundaries, enthusiastic consent, open dialogue, and a strong community to create fulfilling relationships and build richer, more intentional lives. Drawing on research from the largest scientific study of BDSM ever conducted, Alicia Walker and Arielle Kuperberg demonstrate that the BDSM community's approach to trust and vulnerability offers a valuable model for building intimacy and fostering authentic connections. BDSM also allows practitioners to exercise their creativity and break the mold - whether it comes to trying out new practices in the bedroom or bending ideas about gender.
Whether you're vanilla, kinky, or just here for the life advice, this book -packed with humor and insight-is a refreshingly open-minded guide to building stronger relationships, deeper intimacy, and a more intentional approach to connection.
With engaging stories and a warm, conversational tone, Bound by Unexpected Lessons for Building a Happier Life reveals how BDSM practitioners use clear boundaries, enthusiastic consent, open dialogue, and a strong community to create fulfilling relationships and build richer, more intentional lives. Drawing on research from the largest scientific study of BDSM ever conducted, Alicia Walker and Arielle Kuperberg demonstrate that the BDSM community's approach to trust and vulnerability offers a valuable model for building intimacy and fostering authentic connections. BDSM also allows practitioners to exercise their creativity and break the mold - whether it comes to trying out new practices in the bedroom or bending ideas about gender.
Whether you're vanilla, kinky, or just here for the life advice, this book -packed with humor and insight-is a refreshingly open-minded guide to building stronger relationships, deeper intimacy, and a more intentional approach to connection.
- GenresNonfiction
167 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 7, 2025
5 people are currently reading
2080 people want to read
About the author
Alicia Walker
21 books10 followersHey, ya'll!!
I'm an 80's-born mom of 3 boys and wife to a hot hillbilly. We live in rural Oklahoma at the end of shadowy country road. It's a picturesque place to drop a line or two while sitting on the porch or looking out my back window.
I like to write about whatever idea pops into my head at the time. Those ideas just usually end up being about things on the dark, twisted side of the genre scale. Hence: The Country Fare Series, Rider of Wrongs and Backwoods Justice.
In addition to those twisted horror and suspense novellas, I am working on 2 other full-length novels. One in the suspense genre and the other in the more fantastical romance area (though this hasn't been concretely decided). Stay tuned.
I hope that you will enjoy the books I have published and will continue to hang out with this barefoot mama as she brings more twisted tales to life.
XOXO
-Barefoot Mama Writes
(Alicia Walker)
I'm an 80's-born mom of 3 boys and wife to a hot hillbilly. We live in rural Oklahoma at the end of shadowy country road. It's a picturesque place to drop a line or two while sitting on the porch or looking out my back window.
I like to write about whatever idea pops into my head at the time. Those ideas just usually end up being about things on the dark, twisted side of the genre scale. Hence: The Country Fare Series, Rider of Wrongs and Backwoods Justice.
In addition to those twisted horror and suspense novellas, I am working on 2 other full-length novels. One in the suspense genre and the other in the more fantastical romance area (though this hasn't been concretely decided). Stay tuned.
I hope that you will enjoy the books I have published and will continue to hang out with this barefoot mama as she brings more twisted tales to life.
XOXO
-Barefoot Mama Writes
(Alicia Walker)
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
September 4, 2025
Happiness Comes in Every Shade (More than Fifty)
At first glance, a book about BDSM might seem like it belongs to a niche corner of human experience. But Bound by BDSM quickly breaks that assumption by revealing how lessons from this community can guide anyone, regardless of their lifestyle, toward building a more intentional, fulfilling life.
Grounded in sociological research and the largest study on the BDSM community to date, the book is not sensational but deeply thoughtful. It takes the metaphor of building a home and uses it as a powerful framework: your life is a house, and you are the architect. The “rooms” of this metaphorical home each hold insights drawn from BDSM practitioners: insights about communication, trust, boundaries, vulnerability, creativity, and community that resonate far beyond the bedroom.
What makes this book compelling is its accessibility. You don’t need to know anything about BDSM to appreciate the lessons here. Instead, the book invites you to reimagine what it means to create a life that feels like yours. Just as a house can be bought, renovated, or built from scratch, so too can our lives be reshaped with courage, intentionality, and imagination.
The authors do not preach; they offer a blueprint. They encourage readers to look at where their metaphorical house may need repairs, where walls could come down, or where a new addition could bring joy. That blueprint emphasizes universal truths: the importance of communication in relationships, the courage of vulnerability, the necessity of boundaries, and the empowerment of choosing your own path—even if it breaks from social norms.
What stands out most is how warmly human the book feels. It celebrates community as much as individuality. It acknowledges the discomfort of change but reassures readers that the work of renovating one’s life is always worth it. In this way, the book reads less like a manual on BDSM and more like the ultimate homeowner’s guide to happiness.
For readers seeking a practical yet thought-provoking take on personal growth, Bound by BDSM is both surprising and refreshing. It shows that happiness isn’t a one-size-fits-all model handed down by society; it’s a home you design, decorate, and protect as your own. Whether you’re drawn in by curiosity about BDSM or simply by a desire to live more authentically, this book offers the kind of wisdom that lingers long after you’ve closed the last page.
At first glance, a book about BDSM might seem like it belongs to a niche corner of human experience. But Bound by BDSM quickly breaks that assumption by revealing how lessons from this community can guide anyone, regardless of their lifestyle, toward building a more intentional, fulfilling life.
Grounded in sociological research and the largest study on the BDSM community to date, the book is not sensational but deeply thoughtful. It takes the metaphor of building a home and uses it as a powerful framework: your life is a house, and you are the architect. The “rooms” of this metaphorical home each hold insights drawn from BDSM practitioners: insights about communication, trust, boundaries, vulnerability, creativity, and community that resonate far beyond the bedroom.
What makes this book compelling is its accessibility. You don’t need to know anything about BDSM to appreciate the lessons here. Instead, the book invites you to reimagine what it means to create a life that feels like yours. Just as a house can be bought, renovated, or built from scratch, so too can our lives be reshaped with courage, intentionality, and imagination.
The authors do not preach; they offer a blueprint. They encourage readers to look at where their metaphorical house may need repairs, where walls could come down, or where a new addition could bring joy. That blueprint emphasizes universal truths: the importance of communication in relationships, the courage of vulnerability, the necessity of boundaries, and the empowerment of choosing your own path—even if it breaks from social norms.
What stands out most is how warmly human the book feels. It celebrates community as much as individuality. It acknowledges the discomfort of change but reassures readers that the work of renovating one’s life is always worth it. In this way, the book reads less like a manual on BDSM and more like the ultimate homeowner’s guide to happiness.
For readers seeking a practical yet thought-provoking take on personal growth, Bound by BDSM is both surprising and refreshing. It shows that happiness isn’t a one-size-fits-all model handed down by society; it’s a home you design, decorate, and protect as your own. Whether you’re drawn in by curiosity about BDSM or simply by a desire to live more authentically, this book offers the kind of wisdom that lingers long after you’ve closed the last page.
October 18, 2025
The writing style of this book definitely leans cheesy and self-helpy, but if you're willing to look past that there's actually a lot of solid research here. The amount of surveys and interviews conducted for this book alone makes it an impressive feat. And I think the central question of seeing how the ethics and values of the BDSM community can apply as principles for a happier life for everyone was an insightful one.
Still, I wonder if this book might have been better if it was written by BDSM practitioners rather than by two vanillas simply researching the BDSM community. There were parts of the book where the authors would get things wrong that might seem small, but felt big as someone more in the know about this community. Like thinking edgeplay is the same thing as edging, at least one instance of saying "sex party" when they meant "play party," not always holding the nuance needed to distinguish kink from sex, and (at least from my perspective) overestimating the relevance of Fetlife in the modern kink scene.
I do think this was a very good and accessible (if cheesy as heck) start in an important subset of research and ethical/sociological thinking that I hope to see continued in the future. For any of its faults, I'm glad this book exists and glad I read it.
Still, I wonder if this book might have been better if it was written by BDSM practitioners rather than by two vanillas simply researching the BDSM community. There were parts of the book where the authors would get things wrong that might seem small, but felt big as someone more in the know about this community. Like thinking edgeplay is the same thing as edging, at least one instance of saying "sex party" when they meant "play party," not always holding the nuance needed to distinguish kink from sex, and (at least from my perspective) overestimating the relevance of Fetlife in the modern kink scene.
I do think this was a very good and accessible (if cheesy as heck) start in an important subset of research and ethical/sociological thinking that I hope to see continued in the future. For any of its faults, I'm glad this book exists and glad I read it.
September 19, 2025
This was an absolutely phenomenal read that provided insights into not only the BDSM community, but all types of relationships and communities. "Bound by BDSM" had me take a good look at myself and how I can incorporate these BDSM lessons on consent and pleasure into my life. This book taught me how important it is to find and make your home-especially if it's considered unconventional. Also, it was refreshing to learn about the BDSM community in a understandable and judgement-free book backed by sociological research. I highly recommend this book to ANYONE wanting to dive deeper into constructing your life the way you want it, and forming connections (whether BDSM related or not).
September 8, 2025
Dr. Walker and Dr. Kuperberg struck gold with this book. "Bound by BDSM" should not be judged by its cover; BDSM is a niche topic, but this book transforms research into lessons everyone should know, whether you're vanilla or into BDSM. The piece offers a sociological perspective on how being intentional can foster deeper connections and overall happiness in relationships. Overall, it is an easy and enjoyable book to read, providing strategies on how to approach interpersonal relationships with greater joy and enthusiasm.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews