Why We’re Feeling Lonely (and What We Can Do About It)

by Shelby Abbott

Genres: Christian

144 pages

Published January 1, 2026

About the author

Shelby Abbott is an author, campus minister, and conference speaker on staff with the ministry of Cru. His passion for university students has led him to speak at college campuses all over the United States and author the books Jacked, I Am A Tool (To Help With Your Dating Life), and Pressure Points: A Guide to Navigating Student Stress (New Growth Press). He and his wife Rachael have two daughters and reside in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

Reviews

[Utah Kershner · Rating 4 out of 5]

i’ve had the privilege of knowing Shelby, hearing him speak, emcee, and reading multiple of his books over the last several years and they never fail to be impactful and challenging in the best ways. Why We’re Feeling Lonely is no exception. This book was a fairly quick read but was packed full of examples, principles, and practicals. He addresses why my generation is so lonely and gives Gospel centered truth in response. It was challenging and encouraging and a must read for all believers, particularly if you’re feeling lonely, isolated, or wrestling with sin that feels as though it separates you from community. Highly recommend!

[Cole Pate · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great read! Loneliness is a serious issue and we must be proactive about fighting it or we’ll get swallowed up. Shelby gives lots of practical ways to combat this and I think this is a great and well-rounded read for the topic!

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Grateful for Shelby’s words on such a prevalent topic. His writing is compassionately straightforward, authentic, relevant and practical while always pointing to the beauty of Jesus, the goodness of the gospel and the gift of the body of Christ.

Believe this would be a great book to read and discuss with high schoolers or college students while the message is still applicable to others outside that age range!

[Zorina Shepard · Rating 3 out of 5]

This short book touches on several of the things feeding into our modern loneliness problem. Abbott addresses the “solutions” we often turn to in an attempt to numb the pain of loneliness—solutions that ultimately aggravate the problem or are sinful responses that lead to shame and guilt. The book is clearly targeted toward young adults.
Abbott discusses common things people gravitate toward in search of comfort that actually create more harm, including:
Screen time
Pornography and casual sex
Polarization and anger
He also addresses how depression and anxiety both contribute to and are fueled by loneliness. Throughout the book, Abbott points readers to Jesus Christ and the gospel as the true solution.
My thoughts:
I appreciated much of what Abbott said, but none of it was particularly new to me. I realize I’m not his target audience, as I’m in my late twenties with a husband and children, and the book is very much aimed at college-aged students and young adults. Overall, I found the content fairly basic, though I could see it being helpful for those who are newer to this topic.
He does offer some good practical advice, such as being plugged into a local church and cultivating deep, authentic relationships where vulnerability is possible. One area of concern for me, however, was his chapter on what he calls “gospel empathy” as the solution to polarization and anger. In the previous chapter, Abbott discusses how polarized our culture has become and how this has damaged communities and relationships. He makes some helpful points about humility while still holding to truth, but I found some of his language in this section to be a bit concerning.
His emphasis on empathy as the solution felt slightly off to me. While I think he makes some good observations, I disagree that empathy itself is the solution. I believe compassion would have been a better and more precise term. That said, the book remains very generalized and geared toward a young adult audience, and overall, it wasn’t one of my favorites. I did appreciate how the author points back to the Gospel.

* I received a copy of this book from the publisher for my honest review.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why We’re Feeling Lonely (and What We Can Do About It) by Shelby Abbott is a timely and practical guide that explores young adults’ loneliness and shows how grounding relationships in God’s design can bring healing. Speaking directly to Gen Z, the book offers a distinctly Christian perspective and solution.

Gospel-Centered Friendships

I was particularly moved by the discussion of developing an authentic sense of self in a world of filtered digital identities. As someone who spends a lot of time online, it felt like a wake-up call for me at the start of a new year.

I also appreciated how the book addresses gospel-centered friendships as an antidote to pornography use and a casual attitude toward sex. I honestly did not expect this topic to be included, but it is handled with both courage and care.

Time, Effort, and Intentionality

One of the most practical aspects of the book is its guidance on cultivating real-life friendships intentionally. Abbott encourages readers to invest time and effort into authentic relationships and to begin viewing members of the opposite sex through the lens of friendship rather than sexualization. These concrete steps make the principles of the book actionable and immediately relevant to everyday life.

The book also challenges readers to play the long game in relationships—investing in small groups, going deeper with those they spend time with, and loving without expectation. This perspective reminds us that true community is built over time through patience, intentionality, and sacrificial care, rather than seeking immediate gratification or recognition.

Our Faithful Friend

While ideal for young adults, this book is also valuable for adults who, despite leading full lives, still encounter moments of loneliness. It ultimately points us to the perfect, faithful Friend—one who will never leave or forsake us.

I received a media copy of the Why We’re Feeling Lonely and this is my honest review. @diveindigdeep

[Elaine Willis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Addressing young adults, the author addresses a handful of the more prominent barriers that are creating this sense of loneliness in their circles. He follows each of those problems with a Gospel-based solution. While I may not be the target audience for this book, I can see its usefulness in spurring deeper conversations among young adult groups in churches. (Many of these issues have been handled in more depth in other books, so if you are looking for more than a few pages on these subjects, you might want to look elsewhere.) It might also give some talking points for conversations between Christian young people & the peers they know who are struggling with the disconnected feeling that seems to plague so many.