This Is Not About Running: A Memoir

by Mary Cain

By one of the fastest runners of her generation, an affecting, brutally honest memoir of elite sports gone wrong—and a clear-eyed call for how parents, coaches, and young athletes themselves can build a healthier youth sports culture.

Few women have ever run 800 meters in under two minutes. Even fewer people have taken on running’s abusive training culture and won. Mary Cain has done both.

She emerged as a running phenom at age 12, a straight-A student obsessed with Greco-Roman mythology and the freedom she felt when she ran fast. Like any middle-schooler, she just wanted to fit in, so she learned to run through the discomfort of hard training sessions, and the confusion of her coaches’ and teammates’ bullying. And she was overjoyed when, at 16, Alberto Salazar called to invite her to train with the famed Nike Oregon Project.

Cain was poised to transform the sport, Salazar told her. She resolved to hold on to his favor, even as he insisted she lose weight and push through the pain of emerging injury. For years, she excelled, setting records against elite runners twice her age. The Olympics were in her sights.

But off the track, Cain was crumbling. She snuck granola bars in the middle of the night and sank into a deep depression as injury after injury set in. Finally, she left the Oregon Project, telling herself she just needed a break. A chorus rang out across the running  What happened to Mary Cain?

Now, with her suit against Nike behind her, Cain is ready to share her side of the story—and to flip the script on abuse in youth sports. She draws on her diaries from this wrenching period of abuse to show, with clarity we rarely see, how young minds respond to the win-at-all-costs culture that pervades youth sports today. By turns raw, wry, and impassioned, This Is Not About Running is a fierce memoir of the damage wrought when we prioritize competition over mental health. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Sports, Biography Memoir, Biography, Mental Health

330 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 28, 2026

Reviews

[Liralen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cain was born to run. At an age when most kids are groan to think about running the mile in PE, she was winning races and setting records—and not everybody was happy about it. There were the other teenagers who didn't like to see her succeeding when they were not, and more to the point there were the parents who didn't like to see her succeeding when their daughters were not. There were the online trolls convinced, even when she was in middle school, that she must be doing something illegal, or simply insulting her appearance (to...bring a literal child down a peg, I guess?). And then there were the coaches who cared more about their own success—and about Cain's weight, and about whether she was doing exactly what they told her to do—than they did about Cain's success, or her health, or her happiness.

My strongest takeaway from this book is that Cain is angry, and that she has every right to be. Her writing is so clear and so direct, with chapter after chapter highlighting just how hard others made it for her: bullying from classmates and their parents; her school basically shrugging and turning away; her coach subjecting her to his whims and creeping around her bedroom when she was partially clothed and insisting on undernourishment because he was convinced that lighter would mean faster, no matter how "lighter" was achieved, and pushing her to train on debilitating injuries when she should have been resting. But I want to be clear, too: Cain writes all of this plainly, but the tone is not poor me; the tone is where were the people who should have intervened? Cain's parents sound solid, but she describes an environment in which other parents did not speak up; other coaches did not speak up; doctors employed by Nike (the employer of her coach; she trained with a "Nike project") did not speak up; her teammates did not speak up. Or, if they did, they spoke against her. And she asks: How can a literal child see that this is wrong when the adults around her refuse to do so?

This memoir is not about running. This memoir is about how sports normalizes the abuse of young athletes. (loc. 174*)

It's impossible not to read this and think of other well-publicized abuse cases. The way gymnastics turned a blind eye to Larry Nasser, for example, because in exchange for access to underage athletes he was willing to say "she's fine to keep training". Or even what happened with Kamila Valieva; there was so much discussion of positive drug tests, but realistically, any doping was likely to be the direct result of whatever her coaches told her to do. Cain is writing about abuse within the context of running, but it's fair to say that what she underwent is the tip of the iceberg as far as women's sports go, especially in contexts where the athletes are young. At some point things become less about athletic excellence and more about who has power over whom.

This was not an easy read. I took a break at around 30% because it was clear that it was going to be a while before things got better, and they were likely to get worse before that happened. Absolutely worth the read, but also perhaps a good idea to pace yourself.

*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.

[kaitziez · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Abuse is quiet. Abuse is insidious. Abuse happens behind doors that stay closed too often. To stop abuse, safeguarding practices need to be put in place. Companies, schools, teams, brands, and so forth need to put their people first, before the vague concept of their brand name."

As someone who has experienced abuse in the sport of cross-country and track by my own coaches, I connected deeply with Cain's experience. There were many times where I wanted to give Cain a hug. She tells it like it is, no sugar-coating. The chapters of her describing the sport as cliquey, how girls will outcast other girls because one is better or a possible threat to be better, was something that made me think back to my high school days and realize how true it is.

Reading about when Cain was forced to increase her workload even though she was injured and everyone just saying it is because she's "weak" or "on her period" was both shocking that doctors and coaches said it, and also angrily hit close to home. Not everyone needs the same amount of running mileage, because not everyone's body is the same. I hope this memoir helps change the world.

What I loved most, though, was Cain's fearsomeness to call out Nike for what they have done, even after the lawsuit ended. I absolutely love that she stands by what she believes in. Cain is a force to be reckoned with -- and I can't wait to see where her medical journey takes her!

Thank you, Mariner Books, for providing me with this ARC. I am eternally grateful!

"I wrote my New York Times piece out of fear. But not fear for myself. And Nike did not seem to realize that I wasn't at all scared about coming forward. I was not scared to talk about my mental health. Not scared to talk about cutting myself. Not scared to talk about how they were culpable. I was not scared of Nike." -- #SLAY! You go girl!!
_____________________________
pre-read:
as someone who also have experienced abuse from my college xc/tf coaches, i am an excited bean to read this 🤩 Mary Cain is an inspiration!

[Amy Neill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am completely gutted after reading this book.
In her memoir, "This Is Not About Running", elite distance runner Mary Cain shares her story. When Mary first reached the national stage as a young high school distance running star, her future looked bright and exciting. She left high school running early (we find out in the book was mostly due to the bullying and treatment she received by her school teammates and coaches) to run professionally. Things went horribly downhill from there. Mary bravely shares her story with brutal and heart breaking honesty.
The book begins with her middle school and high school years, and progresses chronologically. Mary's voice, as she tells the story in first person, is haunting, as she perfectly uses the voice that she was at each stage. When we read her thoughts and viewpoints of what is happening, we get amazing insight into how a young girl might process her coach's hurtful critique and accept what he, along with so-called doctors and psychologists are demanding of her. As horrifying and disgusting as it was to read about the
abuse and neglect from those entrusted to guide and support her, it broke my heart to see the many others surrounding her (teammates, competitors, other coaches, etc ) just watch on and do nothing.
This book is important. If you care at all about sports, young athletes, and fixing a broken system, this is a must read.
Thank you to NetGalley and Mariner Books for the advance read.

[Madeline Boehlke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cruised through the audiobook and it ended with me crying in my kitchen. Mega trigger warnings and also one of the most honest memoirs I’ve read. As a post- collegiate athlete (both good and bad), it struck so many chords and was heartbreaking and enraging. I admire Mary’s story and honesty that will, hopefully, ignite change. Or maybe already has🤞 I hope to not have to read many more versions of abuse of female athletes for a culture shift. Fck Nike.

[Emma Schreier · Rating 2 out of 5]

Such mixed feelings about this one. I was in college when her story broke and relearning about what happened is just as devastating now as it was then. I just didn’t love this book/her writing.

Aside: in general, I’m struggling to like memoirs where the author chooses to tell their narrative chronologically as if it were in the present tense (e.g., I’m Glad My Mom Died). It just feels disingenuous to recreate, in detail, what happened as a 17-year-old instead of reflecting back as an adult (like If We Break, by Kathleen Buhle — one of my favorite memoirs).

I feel for her though and what an awful situation. Despite not loving her writing, I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to write about it all!

Also, this is totally about running.

[Kels · Rating 5 out of 5]

caught myself wondering if some of her writing was unnecessarily petty and realized umm absolutely FUCK THAT - why is it always on the onus of the person being abused to be silent, “mature,” or the bigger person? be explicit, name names, burn it all down!!! she deserved so much better - as a TEENAGER, she (understandably) trusted people in positions of power & they ruined more than just her career - it’s unforgivable! go off, sis!!

[Jillian Dowling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mary Cain is stunningly clear, concise, and courageous in this account. Her choices to a) begin the story in her middle school years and b) write in the present tense both generate a well-articulated narrative: we see Mary as she sees herself, trying to grow up and succeed in an atmosphere that is confusingly cruel. We, the readers, see all the moments that set the stage for abuse by Mary’s coaches. Cain is clear that she’s an advocate, but not a martyr, a victim, but not a naive or helpless individual. Though Mary is a runner, and much of the book revolves around running, the title holds true upon reflection. Are there some controversial takes and barbed statements? Of course. This book is not for the running historian or biographer seeking objectivity, it’s for future-oriented people who are looking to better the athletic experiences of all girls and women.

[Josie Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thankful that this book exists and that Mary Cain told her story. Incredibly hard to read at some points, but super powerful and necessary for female athletes and women in sport

[Charlotte Gullion]

im sat.

[Mary Pagones · Rating 4 out of 5]

I put down this book thinking that Alberto Salazar was even more batshit insane than I had before, and I read Kara Goucher's Longest Run and Duel In the Sun beforehand.

Cain is most famous for a viral New York Times piece in which she chronicles the abuse inflicted upon her as a member of Nike's Oregon Project. She says that before she aspired to be a professional runner, she considered being a writer, and her first person, immediate style makes me think of the highly readable YA problem-focused fiction I devoured in my youth. However, this is a memoir, not fiction.

Reading about Salazar's obsessive focus on her weight (getting her down to 114 pounds from 120, and bear in mind Cain is 5'7) and his refusal to understand why her performances are declining as he tries to starve her on a 1500 calorie diet is just jaw-dropping, even from a training perspective, not just a human perspective. By relating this in the present tense, Cain takes the immersive reader on a journey of how young people, even those with supportive families, can be groomed and brainwashed (not using that term lightly, because BOTH books I've read on the Oregon Project make it sound like it was a kind of cult).

The downside is that like a lot of YA, however, there isn't much sense of the larger world outside of Cain, or much nuance. We don't fully understand why she loved running before it became so dark for her, or why she was bullied so mercilessly in high school (jealousy was a part of it, of course, but all of her teammates come off as nasty one-dimensional tormenters). I also wish there was more about the running, not just the calorie-counting at The Oregon Project. To really understand what was lost, I would have liked to have experienced more of the loss of the love and speed of running, not just the misery of what happened as a result of Salazar's coaching.

It's still an unusually well-written and readable book for a sports memoir focused on a single period of her career, and written by a relatively young person, though. I'm not sure if it would be interesting to a non-runner, but for runners, it's going to be a must-read and much-talked about.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an ARC of This Is Not About Running from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for my honest review.
I was familiar with Mary Cain's story from past accounts in Runners World and The New York Times as well as several memoirs written by other runners who were coached by Alberto Salazar. Mary was a gifted young runner who, as a child and teen, struggled with peers and other runners. As this memoir begins, the tone is bitter and angry as Mary recounts the alienation and jealousy that she received from fellow teammates, their parents, and the school track coach. Mary sounds bitter and angry, and I almost abandoned the book at that point. I'm glad I didn't. When Mary was still in high school, she signed with Salazar and Nike, which was the beginning of Mary's demise. In 2021, Salazar was banned for life from coaching following allegations of sexual and emotional misconduct. Mary shares the story of her time with the Nike Oregon Project and her struggles with her teammates. It's a sad but engrossing story of an uber-talented young woman who was taken advantage of by the adults she trusted and used for their own career advancement. When will the exploitation of women athletes end?

[Jane Leighton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, I love Mary Cain. This memoir touched me so deeply I think because I could relate to the running part of it: the pressure to run well, the insane things people and coaches will do to try and run just a few seconds faster, the beauty of running fast, the pain of running slow, and just how easy it is to get sucked in and base your entire self worth on your running. Yet listening to this there were so many times I caught myself audibly saying “oh my god” and “what the fuck.” The fact that Mary was able to run and perform SO well while all of this was going on just goes to show how mentally strong of a person she is. I knew Alberto Salazar was fucking psychotic, but this was a whole knew level. This memoir was not an easy listen, and I feel so sad for young Mary who was just a fast high schooler who loved running trying to escape an abusive team and coaching situation only to get groomed into another. For anyone with this book on their list, listen to her trigger warnings at the beginning of the book, especially if you are trigged by mention of specific body weight.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was so heart wrenching to read but goddamn it’s so so so important. I remember watching Mary and thinking how talented she was and impressed since we were so close in age and both ran (albeit at very different levels). It breaks my heart reading what she had to endure and go through but truly such a testament to her strength that she’s willing to put this out there in hopes of changing the system. A must read not only for ANY runner (yes even you males hello please especially you) but just any human.

[Cheryl Marks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I flew through this book. Very well written. I’m not a runner but my daughter is and she encouraged me to request this ARC from Netgalley. So thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for letting me read it.

If you enjoy a memoir, you will enjoy this book. You don’t have to be a runner. It really speaks to abuse behavior in the sporting world.

Mary’s story is sad and really made me angry. People took advantage and mistreated a young girl with talent. I wanted to slap her high school coach and strangle the parents of her teammates who treated her so bad. I think this speaks to a larger issue about parents trying to live through their kids. The kids themselves behaved badly and should be ashamed of their behavior but the parents should be doubly ashamed.

I had high hopes when she moved on to Nike and a professional coach but that coach was abusive as well. It’s a shame that she was told a lot of her problems were in her head. Clearly she needed help. It’s disturbing that so many people turned a blind eye.

The book also speaks to the double standard of the way women are treated versus men. Even the female doctor that treated her from the project basically ignored her concerns and instead listened to what her coach was saying. This coach not only gave her running instructions but health instructions that were to her detriment.

Thankfully she was able to stay on track with her schooling and is continuing her education. I think we will see great things from Mary in the future.

[Mari Garza · Rating 5 out of 5]

ive always been interested in mary cain so i was really excited for this one! i have not been through anything nearly on the scale as mary cain but it made me sad that small elements of her experience i can relate to and have witnessed in female sports. a really great memoir i think all female athletes should read.

[Muriel Unseth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary Cain's abuse on the Nike Oregon Project team is unique in its visibility and stakes, but not in nature. The narcissistic manipulation from her coach Alberto Salazar is textbook both in method and outcome- despite his lifetime ban by Safe Sport, he has the seeming security of allies and a maddening protective membrane of lies. Cain writes in the present tense to emphasize how blinding abuse can be: you can know and not know that what is happening to you is not okay. The title is apt- this book is not about running.

[Ali Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

To be honest, I feel like I have to give this 5 stars… The present tense really makes the thoughts/feelings of Mary hit hard. Closing this book (metaphorically because I listened to it), angry and sad for Mary and what she went through AND what so many girls/women STILL are going through today in the running world at all the grade school, college and professional level. Running is so wonderful and an awesome opportunity to be competitive and let out all that pent up energy. For all of that to be ruined is so terribly sad.

[Ellie Albin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I needed this book in my life; it helped me continue to heal scars I thought had been tended to long ago. Mary has a clear, concise writing voice and is truly, truly fucking brave.

[Dori Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary Cain, an incredibly talented runner since middle school, has suffered abuse by adults and teammates from the beginning. I wish she grew up somewhere less obnoxiously privileged so she could have had a fighting chance as a kid but I think she would have caught the eye of Alberto Salazar and his Nike Oregon Project regardless.

I read Kara Goucher’s book so I knew what a monster Salazar was but wow it was even worse than I remembered. He shouldn’t just be disgraced, he should be in jail. And Nike enabled him for years.

It was also disappointing to hear how some well known professional runners are not just unfriendly but downright vicious. Next time I hear some of these people being interviewed I will remember this and view them differently.

I’m sure that as reviews start to come in people will criticize Mary for not being a perfect victim, but rather than nitpicking tiny details I hope people take a step back and realize that there was a system of abuse established long ago in women’s running and the big accusations are easily verifiable. I believe her high school coach did exactly what she said. I believe Salazar did exactly what she said. I believe every Nike employee and executive did what she said. I believe the college coaches she met with did what she said.

I only wish she never caught Salazar’s attention because I would have loved seeing what she could have become and done for running if he didn’t destroy her body and her mind. Shame on him and shame on every person who perpetuates this cycle.

I couldn’t put this memoir down. It was heartbreaking and vulnerable. I hope Mary’s future as a doctor is bright and that she can make a strong return to running if she chooses.

Thank you Mariner Books and NetGalley for an early copy in exchange for my honest review.

[Harley Moody]

I always feel weird giving a star rating to memoirs, so I’m not going to. This book is worth reading! Mary shares her experiences with abuse, shame, disordered eating, and mental health. I could relate to a lot of what Mary shared; at times it was triggering. She was very brave to share her story.

She spend the first part of the book talking about her high school team. I found this somewhat uninteresting, but it explains how she ended up with Alberto. I was shocked at how many people she called out! Whether by their actual names or by giving us clues as to who she was talking about. There were a few things she shared that felt a little petty. Like why did she need to mention that Jenny Simpson didn’t smile at her? Or that Shalane wasn’t friendly or kind? I suppose it shows how alone she felt and how many people just looked the other way as she openly struggled.

What she shared about her experiences with the Nike Oregon Project was heart breaking. She was so young and vulnerable. No one was looking out for her!! For those saying she just “didn’t have the mental strength for professional running”, I say get lost! The way she was treated was NOT okay. No one should be shamed about their weight, their performances, or their mental health.

We all know Alberto is an abusive creep and a cheat, so let’s stop victim shaming Mary. 💕

[Sarah Ismond · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary Cain’s story and the downfall of the Nike Oregon Project felt very paralleled with so many personal experiences within USA gymnastics.
I believe this memoir is for anyone who has young daughters, nieces or friends who are women in sports. Abuse can be silently hidden, physical, sexual, and emotional. Mary Cain does a phenomenal and vulnerable job in sharing the heartache of youth sports pressuring young athletes to become products of wealth and glory. The pressure to sacrifice what is ethical in order to be the best. Cain brings awareness of neglect from coaches, bullying from coaches and peers, and the pressure of what it takes to be “elite”. Her story brings awareness to the fault in youth sports- parents/coaches/adults who see children as opportunity and product. Oh how we have lost sight of recreation and play, and how corrupt we have become as competitors. This was exceptionally well done (bring tissues)

[Vinny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Flew through this one. Finding and following Mary Cain in middle school/early high school was my first entry into the world of professional track. I remember feeling so much hope and optimism that her experience might mean I could excel in the sport. Her NYT story came out far enough into my college track career where I could see the eating disorders/ mental health/ isolation/ injury challenges that are rampant in the sport. Kudos to her to putting this into the world and especially where she acknowledges and sets boundaries at the end that she owes this sport nothing. She’ll help and act as she’s able. So many folks want to talk about change and progress and not take any action.

[Bailey Knight · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love that she wrote this in present tense so may of these memoirs look back with 20/20 hindsight but Cain looks at it the way she did as a middle or high school age girl who trusts the adults around her. It makes me really proud of my profession knowing she is going to be a doctor. What an incredible woman.

[Alex Rodriguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

A devastating testimony of trauma and abuse. It would be too reductive to chalk this up to Nike being an evil empire and enabling an abuser like Salazar; the shit that really gets under your skin when reading this is the pervasive systems in athletics that perpetuate this abuse - narcissistic parents and coaches, exploitative brands, and people who are afraid to speak up.

[Maya Brochu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have been anticipating this book long before its release, and it was well worth the wait! Such an important read for athletes and non-athletes alike. Helped bring to light some of the issues the sports world tends to hide behind in a powerful and insightful read.

[Barrythebookworm · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first heard Mary Cain’s story in a podcast in high school (clean sports podcast). My coach had shared it with me as “things to look out for in the running world” - especially since I had ambitions to run in college. The story shocked me back then - so when I saw this book I knew I had to get it! It is truly an amazing story that I recommend all athletes (runners or not) read and take to heart! A heartbreaking story - but I am very happy that she is finally able to share her own story on her own terms! A 5/5 rating - this is one of the best books I’ve ever read!

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

tough but important read - that honestly has me rethinking a few things.

[Grace Ping · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to Audrey for borrowing to me. Read this in one day and really enjoyed. I think watching Mary Cain growing up and wanting to follow in her path made this way more interesting.

[Cami · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars!
How could I give this anything less?

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fuck the swoosh forever and ever.