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374 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 19, 2025
”Three years I’ve given this woman. For one whole year, she managed to hide just how unwell she is—not merely from the trauma she survived when I found her, but from years of trauma since childhood that she has done nothing to actually heal, but everything to escape.
Once she thought she had me, she began letting her mask slip. And then what was once, what I thought, a healthy relationship—even if it wasn’t exactly ideal or truly fulfilling, but just enough to grow complacent—gradually turned into an absolute-fucking-nightmare.
Why have I stayed for two more godforsaken years?
Some misguided sense of loyalty and, I suppose, fear of abandoning her. As twisted as it is, I feel responsible for her. Especially when she has almost no one in her life whom she can trust.”
“When I cut her out of my life, she resorted to stalking me. Breaking into my house. Stealing my shit. Threatening and accusing me. I’ve never been one to tattle, but filing a restraining order was my only hope of trying to live a normal, Seraphine-free life.
Now, if she comes within twenty feet of me or my property, she risks going to prison. Hence, the letters. They aren’t signed by her, nor is there a return address, so unless I go to the trouble of testing the letters for her DNA, there’s no way for me to prove they’re from her.
And there certainly isn’t anyone else in this world who’d send me this shit.
So, I do what I always do. I throw them away, hope she finds her peace, and fucking meets”
“I had to force my mind to dredge up every reason not to comfort her (the h). As soon as memories of Seraphine rushed in, I couldn’t close that bathroom door fast enough.
It took a long time for me to heal and become self-aware enough to recognize that my worth didn’t hinge solely upon what I could do or give someone to the point of detrimental self-sacrifice.
While the violent chaos that was my childhood, adolescence, and most of my adulthood until I retired from the military forced me to mature beyond my years, I was naive when it came to women. So in spite of Seraphine’s numerous red flags, I’d welcomed her into my life with open arms. Made her problems, my problems. I’ve always had a protective nature, especially when it comes to women, after witnessing how my stepdad treated my mother—until I was old enough and big enough to do something about it.”
“I know I’m not a bad-lookin’ man. I’ve had my fair share of women approach me in the last five years. And none of them have interested me.
Yet, since the moment I laid eyes on Winnow, it’s like everyone and everything that came before her has been rapidly dissipating until all that’s left is her, and some primal beast I never knew was there is confirming that this woman is indeed mine.”
For the first time, it’s not fear of a woman turning toxic or cheating that haunts me. Looking back, I ignored countless red flags with Seraphine out of a deeply flawed loyalty, shaped by childhood scars that made me believe love had to be earned by fixing someone.
But Winnow doesn’t need fixing. Despite her trauma, she’s grounded, honest, and deeply appreciative. There are no red flags—only moments where she sees and values parts of me I’ve long overlooked.
“And do you still feel anything at all for her? Wish that things would have gone differently?”
The answer I give does not even begin to express my vehemence, but it is completely honest nonetheless.
“Not even remotely. My only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner, but it was a valuable lesson. All the warning signs were there, and I was too stubborn, and perhaps naive, to accept them for what they were. Since then, I’ve learned to always ask myself, ‘What is this teaching me?’. That particular situation taught me to set boundaries, standards, and that when people reveal who they are in all the things they do and don’t do—let them—and don’t make excuses for them.”
“What made you stay in the first place if it was so bad, though?”
I blow out a heavy breath. “An unwarranted sense of obligation and loyalty.”
