Patient, Female: Stories

by Julie Schumacher

From the New York Times bestselling author of Dear Committee Members, a collection of wryly funny stories about ordinary women—in all their complexity, fallibility, and humanity.

An unsuspecting couple is treated to a luxury vacation by their deceased neighbor. After begrudgingly agreeing to volunteer at a nursing home, a middle school girl gambles over games of bridge with elderly residents. A single mother struggles to understand the unique bond between her autistic son and his dying grandmother. Four friends experience decades of highs and lows as pawns in The Game of Life. A professional gynecology patient runs into a high school flame while at work, undressed, on the job.

In this irreverent collection, celebrated novelist Julie Schumacher balances sorrow against laughter. Here, we experience story not only as narrative, but as syllabus and as board game. Each protagonist—ranging from girlhood to senescence—receives her own indelible voice as she navigates social blunders, generational misunderstandings, and the absurdity of the human experience. Exquisitely honest and expertly crafted, Patient, Female renders—with dark humor and wit—the foibles of human behavior and our endearing imperfections.

Genres: Short Stories, Fiction, Literary Fiction, Adult Fiction

264 pages, Hardcover

Published May 5, 2026

About the author

JULIE SCHUMACHER grew up in Wilmington, Delaware, and graduated from Oberlin College and Cornell University, where she earned her MFA. Her first novel, The Body Is Water, was published by Soho Press in 1995 and was an ALA Notable Book of the Year and a finalist for the PEN/Hemingway Award. Her 2014 novel, Dear Committee Members, won the Thurber Prize for American Humor; she is the first woman to have been so honored. She lives in St. Paul and is a faculty member in the Creative Writing Program and the Department of English at the University of Minnesota.

Reviews

[Jillian B]

I really loved this short story collection. The characters felt so relatable and each story was perfectly paced. As someone who suffers from OCD, I was pleased to find that one of the stories had one of the most realistic-feeling portrayals of that illness that I’ve ever read. I also really liked the way some of the stories depicted relationships between mothers and their teenage daughters. There’s a sort of love mixed with frustration in the relationships in these pages that will feel familiar to many. I look forward to reading more books by this author!

[Maria Almaguer]

Schumacher returns with a winning collection of short stories--my favorite genre!--with those signature one-liners that just "zing!" off the pages. "Hospital Bridge" had me laughing out loud at nearly every line. Told from the point of view of middle aged women (single, married, divorced, in a relationship), each story is just so REAL, but always lightened with humor, because life often gets very "life-y" and what can you do but laugh? If you enjoy smart writing that doesn't take itself too seriously, read Schumacher. Seriously.

[Ellen H]

Since I was reading short stories anyway for the summer ToB (Python's Kiss, My Dear You, It Will Come Back To You, The Typing Lady: And Other Fictions if I manage to get hold of it), I grabbed this one by Julie Schumacher, who was a friend of mine in college. I have to say, in many ways I liked this one better than the other 3 I've read, but mostly I was struck by the similarities between all of them -- all by women, even though of a variety of ages, covering much the same ground of the experiences of women today. Julie's stories had more flashes of humor, I think, but they all had a wry sense of self-analysis. Once I read the Ozeki, that will probably be the end of my short story reading for the year.

[Jenn]

I received a free copy of this book through a Goodreads giveaway from Milkweed Editions. I don’t generally read short stories; I’m more of a novel reader. I quite enjoyed some of the stories. The two stories that I enjoyed the most are “Hospital Bridge” and “Pioneers”. I think for some of the stories that I didn’t like as much, I felt like the endings were too unresolved or nebulous. Others may enjoy these stories, but I think they just didn’t resonate with me as much. Overall I would probably rate this book a 3.5.

[Irene]

This was a very refreshing book with short stories as a reader I wanted to read more of.

[Katie Underwood]

4.5 stars.

Some of the short stories in this collection simply knocked me on my ass. Sucked the wind out of me. Punched me in the gut and smacked me across my face.

I’m a sucker for good writing, and all of these stories are all well done.

[Sarah :)]

These were all so mediocre. Every one had the same feeling to it, and every one had the same sort of ambiguous ending of "now x was behind her, but who knows what lies ahead..." Just so boring.

[Lindsey]

I just finished “Patient, Female” and my initial feeling is that it feels as if I have lived many different lives over the course of this book. Julie Schumacher’s dexterous use of different styles and narrative voices in each story reinforces the shared consistency of the human condition throughout a diverse range of backgrounds and lived experiences. In addition, the characters who inhabit these stories are so thoughtfully and intricately developed, you forget you only met them a few pages ago. I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs a reminder that ultimately—even with our quirks and flaws—we are all just doing our best to navigate life and humanity.

[Amanda]

I love a book of short stories and always approach with the idea that I can pick it up and put it down and take my time with it. This book, was unputdownable for me. These stories spoke to a depth of womanhood that felt familiar, relatable, and emotionally charged. These stories captured the turmoil of a mother’s worry for her child, a sister’s quiet rage, untapped potential and the knowing that women so often experience. The intuition we can be tempted to ignore. So so good.

[tabitha]

though i did feel it ended on a bit of a weaker note, most of these stories were enchanting and interior in a very gripping way. favorites include “spin”, “at the executioner’s table”, and “pioneers”, though everything is worth a read.

[Nina]

I think “Slow Learner”, “Spin” and “The Executioner’s Table” were my favorites !

[Noémie Media]

I have always believed that writing short stories is one of the hardest forms of storytelling. An author has only a handful of pages to introduce characters, build emotional depth, create conflict, and leave readers with something meaningful. Julie Schumacher accomplishes all of that with remarkable ease in Patient, Female. Every story feels complete in its own way while leaving enough space for readers to continue thinking long after the final sentence.

What struck me most was how deeply human these stories are. None of the characters are superheroes or larger-than-life personalities. They are ordinary women navigating family relationships, grief, disappointment, motherhood, aging, friendship, love, loneliness, and the countless awkward moments that make up everyday life. Yet Schumacher writes about these experiences with such honesty and insight that they become unforgettable.

One of the greatest strengths of this collection is its emotional balance. There are moments that genuinely made me laugh, often because the dialogue and observations are so sharp and relatable. Then, almost without warning, the stories shift into something more reflective, exposing the quiet sadness, uncertainty, or vulnerability hiding beneath everyday interactions. That emotional layering makes the collection feel incredibly authentic because life rarely exists in only one emotional register.

I especially admired Schumacher's ability to create distinct voices. Every protagonist feels like a real person with her own personality, perspective, insecurities, and way of viewing the world. Whether following a middle-school student reluctantly volunteering at a nursing home, a mother trying to understand her autistic son, or a woman reflecting on years of missed opportunities, each character carries emotional weight that extends well beyond the length of her story.

The author's writing style is elegant without ever becoming complicated. Her prose feels effortless, but every sentence is carefully chosen. She notices the small details that many writers overlook, those tiny observations about human behavior that suddenly make you stop and think, "Yes, that's exactly what people are like." It's this gift for observation that gives the stories so much power.

Another thing I appreciated was Schumacher's willingness to trust her readers. Many of the stories end with a sense of openness rather than neat resolution. Initially I found myself wanting more closure, but as I reflected on the collection, I realized that this approach perfectly mirrors real life. Most of our own stories don't end with dramatic conclusions or simple answers. We continue living, learning, grieving, laughing, and changing. Schumacher captures that beautifully.

The humor throughout the collection deserves special mention. It isn't loud or exaggerated. Instead, it's subtle, dry, and deeply rooted in the absurdity of ordinary life. I found myself smiling at situations that felt painfully familiar because they reflected the awkwardness, misunderstandings, and imperfections we all experience. The humor never diminishes the emotional depth. If anything, it makes the heartbreaking moments even more powerful.

[Larry H]

I first discovered Julie Schumacher when I read her absolutely hilarious book Dear Committee Members . In that book (and a few others afterward) she created a pompous college professor adrift and amidst bureaucracy.

Her latest book is a short story collection, and it really demonstrated the depth of her talent. While one story made me laugh out loud and a few others had flashes of sly humor, most of the stories had more of an emotional pull.

In “Passengers,” an overprotective mother worries about her daughter after an incident at school. “Hospital Bridge” is the story of a middle-school student who, after being forced into volunteering at a nursing home, starts gambling on bridge games with the residents. “How My Light is Spent” follows an instructor at a community college and her short story writing class.

Some of my favorite stories in the collection were “Slow Learner,” which told of a woman’s fascination at the connection between her autistic son and her dying mother; “Your Better Self,” about a couple who get gifted a trip to a wellness spa by their late neighbor; “Syllabus,” a hilarious story written as a syllabus; “Spin,” in which four friends play a game with real-life implications; and the title story, in which a professional patient runs into someone she used to know.

As with most collections, not every story is a home run. But Schumacher creates such vivid characters, and I know I’ll have a few of these stories running through my mind for a while.

Check out my best reads of 2025 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2026/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2025.html .

See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.

Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/getbookedwithlarry/.

[Pamela Hatch]

I usually don't select short-story books to read - but I was intrigued by the cover picture. The back cover describes the stories as "irreverent" while I describe them as "quirky." Furthermore, the stories are unique, unusual, and universal. And I will also add thought-provoking.

I also thought the title of the book, PATIENT, FEMALE, interesting. I first thought that all the females in the stories would be some type of patient -- and then I'm wondering if the patient refers to more "long-suffering" in meaning. Thirteen stories in all featuring female protagonists in a variety of circumstances and life experiences. Six of these stories appeared first in other publications.

The author tends to stop writing before the story is finished. It gives the reader much to think about while wondering what would have happened next. I usually will have a favorite - but with these well-written stories, I cannot pick just one, or two.

I love Julie Schumacher's use of language -- and hyphens. NOTE: As a author, I have recently had several people tell me that I shouldn't use hyphens like I do. I found a kindred spirit in Julie Schumacher.

From the first story, "Passengers" describing Finny, the young girl in the story: ...She had a way of confessing to her crimes that involved copious amounts of self-deprecation....she was a gentle and shy girl, emotionally frail, and now was obviously traumatized. (p2)

From the short story, "Urn" - Terri was the child who was counted on, responsible and useful; Frank was the one her mother loved. (p30)

From the short story, "Hospital Bridge" - ...half a dozen elderly denizens ambled slowly through its muffled world....These were horror show candidates, haggard, bewildered, and depleted. (p68-69)

From "The Living Dead" -- Emergency maternal autopilot engaged (p187)

From "Patient, Female" - "The world wasn't prepared for me today," he says. "I had too much potential."


There is some language and sexual references in the book.
I was given a free uncorrected proof copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Sarah-Hope]

I am often ambivalent about short stories. I lcan be drawn to the ideas they consider, but I'm frustrated because collections can feel—well, disjointed, rushed, incomplete, overly tidy, trivial. (I'm still figuring out the words I want.) That is most definitely *not* the case with Schumacher's Patient, Female: Stories.

Schumacher's stories can deceptively seem like nothing much (this is not intended as an insult). The characters are interesting, but average, the action is never over the top. Yet, somehow, one leaves these stories impressed by all they leave behind in a reader's mind.

The analogy comes to me is that reading her stories is a bit like—well, like looking at ordinatry items through a high-powered microscope for the first time. They call to mind Hooke's Micrographia: Or Some Physiological Descriptions of Minute Bodies Made by Magnifying Glasses With Observations and Inquiries Thereupon. The ordinary becomes extraordinary, not because its essence has changed, but because one sees with more clarity and detail.

If you want to consider the complexities in the "ordinary," particularly in lives lived by women, Patient, Female is a book you'll savor.

I received a free electronic review copy of this title from the publisher via Edelweiss+; the opinions are my own.

[Oland Carter]

She’s so good dude. I love reading a book and thinking yes this is what 5 stars means. This is what a good book feels like, thank you for reminding me I’m alive. What I took away from this book was a feeling of mourning and grief, and how we deal with these things if we do at all. Throughout the stories, people mourn loved ones, lost dreams, past identities, expectations, possibilities. They find ways to come to grips with reality in some cases, but in most they’re left reeling or unmoored by the personal tragedies that befall them. It’s beautiful how people always fight for a way back even when the most obvious outcome for us all is a lot of pain and suffering. As someone who worries about living up to my own potential or feeling disconcerted about how my life has turned out so far, or mourning the death of relatives and relationships, it was comforting to see other examples of coping. Seeing the weight of guilt and shame and remorse and anger at one’s own failures, failing themselves and others, and also an external view of these experiences. Resurrection Hockey might have been my favorite with the sports analogy and the identity derived from your on-court victories. Within the chalk or the hardwood lines, the life that wears us down fades into background noise and things quiet. Sports to me has always been a form of escape and I like her portrayal of disappearing into the ball, the racket, the net, as a means of coping with everyday life

[Sprout's Books]

To start off I would like to state that each story was interesting and compelling. The characters and their relationships had me ready to explore and unravel them to their inner most layer, and the settings and differences of each story had me very curious. However, that is where the strength of the book ends.

I would say that each story started off strong; the middle was gripping, and the end always undone everything that made me enjoy the experience. At first I thought perhaps it was just a fluke, but then it kept happening to every story up to the point I had to question if it was being done on purpose.

The messages that seemed webbed into each story seemed to always get lost or entirely leaped over to make a weak ending for something unrelated or barely mentioned in the text prior as important. I would have loved to see more conclusive commentary or insight with the characters. Or if the ending is unsatisfying, be at least more holistic rather than the rushed finish I felt was happening.

I am sure it is difficult to do so, as the stories are, in fact, short. But I believe they would have done better if baked a little longer and the over-all stories stuck to specific themes or messages rather then seemingly one theme to then end on a random other.

[Matt Graupman]

Unfortunately for Julia Schumacher’s short story collection, “Patient, Female,” I recently finished Curtis Sittenfeld’s short story collection, “Show Don’t Tell,” so it’s natural that I would compare the two and Schumacher’s book, while undeniably great, can’t quite measure up to Sittenfeld’s deft work. Schumacher’s stories mine some of the same narrative veins - affluent(ish) white folks in some kind of turmoil - but she seems a bit more interested in playing with the format, experimenting a little, which is not something I typically respond to as much as Sittenfeld’s more straightforward approach. I liked a lot - a lot! - of these stories, though. Schumacher definitely has a better-than-average hit rate.

FAVORITES:
“How My Light Is Spent” - A poetry professor finds herself entangled in the life of one of her more promising students
“Your Better Self” - A couple on a spa weekend that was gifted to them by a deceased neighbor discover that their trip comes with strings attached
“Pioneers” - A young girl obsessed with “Little House On The Prairie” tries to make sense of her hippy parents’ open marriage

[Catherine]

3.5 stars rounded up. I liked this book decently well and will likely be keeping the paperback ARC of it that I won in a Goodreads Giveaway, as I hope to reread it (and improve my opinion of it!). As of my first read-through, I thought the writing—as is always the case with Julie Schumacher—was fantastic, the stories were contained and generally well-plotted, and the characters read as mostly three-dimensional. My main gripe, which tends to happen more often when I read literary works, is that I didn’t get the gist or point of some of the stories and especially how they end. That’s different, of course, than how they’re written; I thought she did a great job moving us as readers from one plot point to the next, as nothing felt jarring, confusing, or otherwise frustrating. But I still would have liked to understand them better in their totality, hence the reread!

[Erin Crane]

Liked more at the beginning than at the end. I lost steam as it went on.

These stories are realism which is a bit tougher for me but can be a win! I enjoyed Jan Carson’s collection a lot. These ones often didn’t have enough oomph for me.

Favorites:

1. Passengers: a couple’s daughter accidentally hurts another kid, and they deal with the fallout. The awkwardness of that and the lack of a playbook for “what to do” felt real.
2. How My Light Is Spent: a creative writing professor works with students of varying skill on their poetry. I love stories about academia, and this was one with both humor and darkness.

There’s also Syllabus which uses the form of a syllabus to characterize a professor who is over it 😆

[menschorama]

i thought this was pretty good, but didn’t blow me away. it has all of the ingredients of things that i like, but i think the similarities in vibe, tone, and structure of all of the stories made me feel kind of exhausted by the end. i did not like the story with the metaphor of the game of life — it felt derivative.

i thought some of the prose in this was great though and a few of the stories will stick with me — the grandma and son who don’t need words to communicate, the bridge games, the couple sent to the spa. i just wish that the tone has been more varied, because it would’ve let me enjoy the realist disappointment that most of them ended in and that i generally love. 3.75 stars.

[Ashley]

I received this book as part of a Goodreads giveaway from Milkweed Editions. The first story, "Passengers" was a doozy. It knocked me over and pulled me in. It was like a real-life nightmare... but maybe that's just because I'm a mom who overthinks everything and above all else just wants to raise decent humans... but yeah that one is going to stick with me. All of the stories were about girls/women in drastically different situations and stages of life, each with their own unique voice, ranging from emotional to reflective to laugh-out-loud funny. I really enjoyed this collection!

[Stephanie]

Received as an ARC from a Goodreads Giveaway.
I love short stories. My first book of them was Ken Liu’s Paper Menagerie and Other Short Stories. I love how the author really brought her characters to life in such a short amount of pages. You could really connect with them even though you just barely met them. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone, especially my female reader friends. I may even suggest this to my booktok once it’s available in May!

[Anna]

Patient, Female is a fantastic collection of stories filled with feelings of real life and all the struggles we're going through as women.

I'm often ambivalent about short stories, but Schumacher's stories is where the short stories take their own flight - I really enjoyed this and hope to read more literature signed by Julie Schumacher.

Thank you Edelweiss and Milkweed Editions for the DRC.

[Kate Cecil]

I received a free copy of this book from a giveaway by Milkweed Editions through Goodreads.
Very interesting read for considering someone else's viewpoint as your own. The insights into the characters of the stories leave you with a cliffhanger for many, wondering what might have happened next for these women. A page turner, it's easy to get lost in the stories and find yourself at the start of the next chapter with another short story.

[Felicia Schneiderhan]

This is an excellent collection of short stories about women's inner lives and relationships. The inner change that every character goes through is fascinating to watch unfold, and often quite surprising. Plus, this writer is a master at the short story form. It's funny, and then surprisingly touches the heart at just the right moment. Super fun to read, entertaining, and also gives the reader a lot to consider. Well-worth reading and wonderful ideas to discuss with fellow readers.

[Kim B]

4.5 I loved Schumacher’s Dear Committee Members and the other two novels in that series, many laughs. So I had a feeling I would love her latest and I did! The experiences of women and girls are highlighted in each of these stories. My favorites were Spin, How My Light is Spent, At the Executioner’s Table, Hospital Bridge, Passengers, Syllabus, Pioneers… but I have to say, I liked all 13 stories very much!

[Charity P.]

Short stories aren't my genre of choice, but when they hit they HIT. And the best short stories end with you wanting more, the longing for the continuation of the story. That feeling isn't always pleasant, but it IS always a sign of really excellent writing. Reviews of this book make comments about the humor in it...which I did not see. What I perceived were female protagonists living complex and yet completely ordinary lives which made them rather NOT ordinary.

[Stephanie B]

I really enjoyed this collection of short stories. Some definitely resonated with me more than others, but several were extremely relatable and really stuck with me. My favorites were Urn, Passengers, Hospital Bridge, Slow Learner, Your Better Self, Spin, Pioneers, and The Living Dead. I wouldn’t say every story was a favorite, but there were enough standouts that I really enjoyed the collection overall.

[Fireflux]

I won a copy of Patient, Female through a Goodreads giveaway, and unfortunately, this collection just didn’t work for me.

Readers who enjoy literary short fiction centered on everyday life and relationships, subtle observations of human behavior, ambiguous endings, and very quiet humor may get much more out of this collection than I did. I can appreciate what Schumacher was doing, but ultimately, I found the stories too understated to really hold my interest.