Growing Up Saved: When Loving God Feels Like Losing Yourself

by Kristen LaValley

What do you do if the faith that raised you seems to fail when you need it the most?

Kristen LaValley grew up a church kid through and through. She said “the sinner’s prayer” before she could write her name—and spent the next few decades trying to prove she meant it; in a body that couldn’t rest, with a mind she didn’t yet understand, under a God she was afraid to disappoint. She learned to perform the kind of faith that got one that hid pain and swallowed questions.

But in the thick of depression, spiritual exhaustion, and a late ADHD diagnosis, she found herself wondering if the faith she’d built her life on could really hold her.

In Growing Up Saved, Kristen maps the slow undoing of a faith formed in certainty and what it took to find God in the middle of her unraveling.

In these pages, you’ll find authenticity, empathy, and compassionate theology as you to find your way through a faith that was formed in fearthe intersection of trauma, mental health, neurodivergence, and spiritual identitythe healing work of making peace with your body, your mind, and your storya path for those navigating life after disillusionment, burnout, religious trauma, or painThis book isn’t a call to give up on faith. It’s an invitation to hold it differently. With tenderness, grit, and humor, Kristen offers a hard-won way through grief and grace to a messy, holy rebuilding.

Genres: Faith, Nonfiction, Christian

232 pages, Kindle Edition

Expected publication March 3, 2026

About the author

Kristen LaValley is a writer and storyteller whose words offer a refreshing perspective on faith and spirituality and resonate with those who carry tension in their faith. She offers insights that intersect doubt and belief, hope and suffering, beauty and heartache. With a deep love for the Christian faith and a willingness to explore its complexities, Kristen's writing offers nuanced conversations that challenge readers to think deeply and wrestle with important questions. Kristen lives in Massachusetts with her husband, Zach, and their five children.

Reviews

[Rebeca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book has been like sitting on a couch next to a friend and swapping stories of how our pain has shaped us. I've remembered many painful church stories and cried as the stories in this book held me. I've also reminisced and laughed about some of the things I said or did as an early 2000s church kid and I've whispered "me too" as I've read some of Kristen's more lighthearted passages.

Spiritual and religious trauma has changed and shaped me in many ways over the past few years, but what a relief it is to know that I am not alone. Reading that I do not have to be defined by my "church hurt" has been a welcome reminder. What a gift it is to have people like Kristen who help pave the way for the hurting and those scorned by the church in order for us to walk in wholeness and authenticity as we navigate our own journeys of deconstruction, regardless of where we may end up.

If you've suffered at the hands of the church, I am sorry. I believe you. I can't recommend this book enough. It's been a therapeutic read and a comfort to me. Thank you to Kristen for pulling up chairs for those of us who are broken and hurting. You've embodied the gospel message in a beautiful and inspiring way.

[Rachel Hicks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this newest book from Kristen LaValley. As part of her launch team, I received early access to the audiobook and it's so good! I loved hearing Kristen tell her own stories. In the book, Kristen shares her journey of "growing up saved." She shares about the spiritual trauma she experienced at multiple stages of life and the spiritual malformation she experienced growing in the height of charismatic, conservative 90s Christianity. But through it all she shares a story of God's redeeming, never-failing love. A story of accepting she is worthy of that love just as she is and the freedom that comes from that. This book is filled with so many nuggets of truth. It's written for anyone who has experienced spiritual trauma, anyone who grew up in Y2K Christianity, and anyone who wants to have a better understanding of the deep love God has for you just as you are. No matter where you are on your journey of faith or if you have no faith at all, there is something for you in this book. Also the chapter titles are fire with all the cliche 90s/00s Christian puns!

[Jenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing Up Saved is a sigh of relief. Kristen took a weight off my shoulders I didn’t even know I was carrying.
So many times, I found myself saying: “I agree, but I didn’t know I was allowed to say that!” There are many thoughts and feelings I’ve had over my lifetime that I’ve squashed down because it didn’t fit properly into the type of Christian that I thought I had to be.
My biggest takeaway from this book is that it is okay to question, to change my mind, and to disagree. I can do all these things and still be safe AND loved by God.

[Monica H (TeaandBooks) · Rating 5 out of 5]

listened to Growing Up Saved audiobook read by the author, Kristen LaValley. Hearing her share her stories along with how she has been healing from church hurt and trauma over the years was so helpful to me. Since I was often drinking my tea as she read, it felt like she was right alongside me drinking her own beverage and sharing like a heart sister.

Like Kristen, I have my own church hurt and trauma. Maybe many of us do? I like how the author shares her truths and her heart with honesty but yet she continues to also show us that God loves us dearly. One of the things I was told when I was a young girl is that when I die, I will have to stand before God and tell the whole world all the bad things I ever did. As a result, I tried so hard to be good and was such a people pleaser from a young age. Trust me, living with this mindset of fear, wasn't good. Kristen shares her own stories along that line. Along with her stories, she shared how instead of thinking the worst about what God wants to do to us or for us, she started thinking about how God is conspiring for our good. She used a word, Pronia which she used to mean, "Assume God wants things to happen for your good." She quotes Psalm 23:6, Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." I have this verse on my kitchen wall with a dog and cat bearing those words on them following behind a cute girl. As a result, I could easily visualize this and replace some negative thinking about God with these loving thoughts. She also mentioned that she no longer believes God is standing over us with a cosmic clipboard evaluating our worth. Woah. The little girl in me who felt she someday had to tell the world all the bad things she ever did certainly assumed God had a way of keeping track of it all like a big cosmic clipboard so that also made an impression on me in a good way.

I like how the author continued to be a Jesus follower in the midst of her pain. As she shared, she asked, Where else would I go? I have felt the same way and have continued to be a Jesus follower, although like Kristen, my faith looks different now. She also says sometimes we do have to walk away from the church for a time "to leave the building to find the bride." I could feel that one too and was there for a time.

If you have had your own church hurt/trauma, I think you will be able to relate to Kristen in Growing Up Saved. I would definitely recommend it to you. I have to add that I love how she took the big Christian books of the 1990s and reworked to titles to be chapter headings in her book.

I received an audio book version of Growing Up Saved from the author/publisher at no cost. All opinions are my own.

[Nick Minerva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Growing up in the IFB movement definitely lead to a lot of church hurt and spiritual trauma. Add on to that the reality of being a neurodivergent kid in the 90’s and early 2000’s and I was left with an extra layer of confusion and hurt. Leaving that world in my mid 30’s left me with so much to learn and unlearn. To say it’s been a journey would be an understatement. Kristen LaValley’s book Growing Up Saved serves as a guide and gives language for people who are on that same journey. She walks her readers through her story of church hurt and spiritual trauma, learning about her own neurodivergence, and how she navigated it all. Books like this can end up being heavy and depressing but Kristen does a great job keeping the book hopeful and even fun despite the often difficult theme. One of the reasons this book remains so hopeful is Kristen tells her story without any bitterness or contempt. This is crucial when it comes to actually healing and I appreciate it very much. Bitterness is so toxic to the nervous system.

Now, I have to be honest, some parts of this book were difficult to read. Surprisingly it wasn’t the parts about spiritual trauma, church hurt, or the unique ways they impact us neurodivergent types. That made me feel seen. It was the parts about God’s unconditional love. So much of that language was used by people who caused the hurt in my life and it was used as an excuse to avoid accountability. Reading that was definitely a trigger to my already highly sensitive, autistic self. It’s one of the reason’s my healing journey has led me away from the church. But I appreciated how it wasn’t used to erase hurt or trauma, or used as a magical band-aid that should provide instant healing.

There was also many, many parts of this book that resonated with me on a deep level. I really get it when it says those of us who are on the deconstruction journey feel like “we are trying to hold on to God when nothing we’ve been taught about him feels true anymore.” When Kristen talks about “spiritual hyper-vigilence” or how holiness must equate to seriousness I was like “hey, she’s talking about me!” When she says “certain faith frameworks encourage so much denial of self-and even death of self-that our erasure is elevated over our refinement” I felt seen in ways I haven’t before. Over the last two years Ive just started “un-erasing” and I finally feel like I’m starting to be myself. It’s these moments of feeling seen and understood that make this book shine and why I recommend it to you.

I was fortunate to be able to read an advanced copy of this book through NetGalley. Hope you enjoy!

[Olivia L. Gold · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this as an ARC from the publisher.

First of all, I am a huge Kristen fan. Her words have been a balm to my soul through some challenging moments in my life. My faith has changed a lot over the past few years, and once upon a time, I would have been terrified about the things I've wrestled with.

But the more I read Kristen's words, the more I find comfort in knowing I'm not alone in this faith walk and that sometimes good intentions by others leave scars in us later on.

This book is such an encouraging read. I would say that this is for you if you've ever struggled with your faith, with believing that God not only loves you but likes you, that your flaws and differences are bad or evil. If you've felt like too much or too little or too disruptive, this is for you.

If you need to feel seen, this book is for you.

Kristen's words are life-giving, and I'm so grateful for the books she has put into the world.

[Hannah Pedrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I "grew up saved" around the same time Kristen did, and my parents were also in full-time ministry in the conservative evangelical church. To me, this book feels like the honest and authentic experience of someone who deeply experienced the harm of that world and has also fought hard to keep a faith she now finds beautiful and healing. If that is your story too, I think you will find this book to be a warm, funny, and hopeful companion. If you have experienced the harm of that belief system, but have not chosen to stay in the Christian faith, I think you will find that Kristen works hard to make this book as safe, respectful, and compassionate as possible. And, if like me, you're somewhere in between, I think you will find Kristen to be a friend you wish you could sit down and share a coffee with. Her voice and perspective is hard-fought and needed, and I'm glad this book exists.

[Savvy_ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing Up Saved: When Loving God Feels Like Losing Yourself by Kristen LaValley is a beautiful memoir and reminder of God’s love for each of us even when we are going through church hurt, mental illness, or deconstruction. She deftly handles difficult topics with the light of hope. This is exactly the book I needed to read right now, and it will be one I revisit often. There are so many quotes that lend themselves to journaling that I would love to see a corresponding guided journal from LaValley based on the content in this book. I highly recommend this book! I am thankful to have received an ebook advanced reader copy from Tyndale House Publishers/Tyndale Momentum via NetGalley for voluntary review. I look forward to purchasing a print copy as soon as it is released!

[Grace Khoma · Rating 5 out of 5]

The message that kept being repeated every chapter, every page— “you are beloved.”
Listening to it felt like one of those real hugs—the regulating, firm hug from the father who sees you and knows every part of you. Full of stories I relate to as a 90s PK/MK. Funny, cringy, hard… Kristen writes of painful, complex topics and experiences with SO much love… love for God, for the church, and for herself. Listening to her own voice read it was everything, and every word is part of the beautiful testimony of what God desires for each of us. Through trauma, questions, deconstruction and reconstruction— “you are loved, safe, and free.”

What a gift you are, Kristen.

[Victoria Morrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I have not finished this book, thanks to awesome illnesses and work getting in the way, I just know this book is not only anecdotally funny and relevant but crucial to this generation. Our relationship with the church has become so nuanced and Kristen writes from the heart so well to share how important it is to love God even when it feels near impossible. I cannot wait to read the published work!!

[Hannah Widener · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book captured my attention and I read the entire thing in one sitting. Parts of Kristen's story ring true in my experience growing up in a Baptist church. The way this book is written brings comfort, insight and tucks the hard things into beautiful words that make it approachable.

I fully recommend anyone who has a complex history with the early 2000's church it will put words on things you probably felt and couldn't articulate.

[Stacy Vrooman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for everyone who was an evangelical in the 90s. I resonated with so much of this book. Kristen has done such a good job connecting the hard with the holy and leading us all back to Jesus. I love seeing how Kristen's faith has evolved to hold all that is good.

[Emily Werger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my goodness. I see so much of myself in this book. This book is going to be freeing for so many people!

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a deeply personal and highly relatable memoir of growing up in a religious environment. No matter your religious background (or lack thereof), I think there’s a bit of a shared experience when it comes to being different than what is expected of you. I found myself feeling a bit healed by Kristen’s insistence that we are not burdens to the people around us and we are all worthy of love and acceptance. Absolutely recommend reading Growing Up Saved.

[Camden Morgante · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a humorous and critical take on 90s Christian culture that covers a wide range of topics, from rapture fear to neurodivergence, perfectionism, doubt, shame, and the author's healing from religious trauma. You will find companionship and encouragement for holding onto your faith as you deconstruct the experience of "growing up saved."