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Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose
From award-winning journalist and bestselling author Jennifer Wallace comes Mattering—a landmark book that introduces a transformative new framework to confront the loneliness, burnout, and lack of purpose so many of us face today.
In this groundbreaking work, Wallace makes an urgent mattering—the feeling that we are valued and have an opportunity to add value—is a core human need, as essential to our well-being as food and water. And yet, in today’s world, that fundamental need is going unmet, with perilous consequences. As mental and social health crises surge, we often blame social media, the pace of modern life, and polarizing politics. But beneath these issues lies a deeper crisis, what Wallace calls “an erosion of mattering.”
With her signature warmth and insight, Wallace weaves together research and deeply moving stories of mattering lost and regained. From burned-out employees to overwhelmed caregivers to people grappling with grief or struggling through a destabilizing transition, Mattering explores how our lives are transformed when we are reminded, in small and intentional ways, that we are valued and that we have value to offer. Wallace provides the essential elements to building what she calls our “mattering core”: recognizing your impact, being relied on (but not too much), feeling prioritized, and being truly known and invested in. Strengthening this core helps us reconnect to our sense of purpose, deepen our relationships, and navigate life’s uncertainties and challenges with greater resilience.
For readers of Brené Brown, David Brooks, and Adam Grant, Mattering is a rare, culture-shifting book that offers both a diagnosis and a remedy. With a clear road map and actionable takeaways, Wallace reveals how to unlock this powerful force within ourselves and how to build cultures of mattering in our homes, workplaces, and communities.
Mattering is both a call to action and a blueprint for living a meaningful life and creating a world we so urgently need.
In this groundbreaking work, Wallace makes an urgent mattering—the feeling that we are valued and have an opportunity to add value—is a core human need, as essential to our well-being as food and water. And yet, in today’s world, that fundamental need is going unmet, with perilous consequences. As mental and social health crises surge, we often blame social media, the pace of modern life, and polarizing politics. But beneath these issues lies a deeper crisis, what Wallace calls “an erosion of mattering.”
With her signature warmth and insight, Wallace weaves together research and deeply moving stories of mattering lost and regained. From burned-out employees to overwhelmed caregivers to people grappling with grief or struggling through a destabilizing transition, Mattering explores how our lives are transformed when we are reminded, in small and intentional ways, that we are valued and that we have value to offer. Wallace provides the essential elements to building what she calls our “mattering core”: recognizing your impact, being relied on (but not too much), feeling prioritized, and being truly known and invested in. Strengthening this core helps us reconnect to our sense of purpose, deepen our relationships, and navigate life’s uncertainties and challenges with greater resilience.
For readers of Brené Brown, David Brooks, and Adam Grant, Mattering is a rare, culture-shifting book that offers both a diagnosis and a remedy. With a clear road map and actionable takeaways, Wallace reveals how to unlock this powerful force within ourselves and how to build cultures of mattering in our homes, workplaces, and communities.
Mattering is both a call to action and a blueprint for living a meaningful life and creating a world we so urgently need.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published January 27, 2026
721 people are currently reading
8636 people want to read
About the author
Jennifer Breheny Wallace
3 books106 followersJennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and author of the book Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It. She is a frequent contributor to The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post and appears on national television to discuss her articles and relevant topics in the news.
After graduating from Harvard College, Wallace began her journalism career at CBS “60 Minutes,” where she was part of a team that won The Robert F. Kennedy Awards for Excellence in Journalism. She is a Journalism Fellow at the The Center for Parent and Teen Communication at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
Jennifer serves on the board of the Coalition for the Homeless in New York City, where she lives with her husband and their three children.
After graduating from Harvard College, Wallace began her journalism career at CBS “60 Minutes,” where she was part of a team that won The Robert F. Kennedy Awards for Excellence in Journalism. She is a Journalism Fellow at the The Center for Parent and Teen Communication at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
Jennifer serves on the board of the Coalition for the Homeless in New York City, where she lives with her husband and their three children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 94 reviews
February 20, 2026
I was very intrigued by the concept of mattering when this book dropped on my doormat. It's an interesting concept about how it's important to feel like we matter and whether we're making a difference in the world.
This book is well researched and reads well, however I found myself feeling a little disconnected from it as the book went on, and I'll tell you why.
As a woman well into mid-life and a recovering people pleaser, whilst I feel it's important to feel loved and to know that you matter to your family and close friends, I do think that taking this too wide and focusing on feeling like you matter to a larger group of people can potentially verge on people pleasing. Our own happiness should not be reliant on how we make others feel, nor do I feel that my own happiness has to rely on how others feel about me. I am not seeking validation for my existence on this planet. For example, there was a small section on being childfree, where one lady commented that she was never a priority to her friends who had children and therefore felt like she didn't matter. As a person who is childfree, whilst I would not expect to be dismissed by my friends who have children just because I don't have any, I would not expect to be their priority either.
There is also a large section on feeling like you matter in the workplace. Whilst I agree that being respected by your colleagues and being made to feel like your work is worthwhile by your managers is very important, if, like me, you work in a large organisation, you are never going to be more than just a small cog in a very large wheel and therefore will always be replaceable. I switch my thinking in my work to focus on it mattering that I work well with my close colleagues and to those who my work has a direct impact on.
This book is certainly thought provoking and for that I still think it’s worth a read (if it’s your kind of thing) but will it change my outlook to think about whether I matter? No. Because life is already stressful enough without worrying about whether I matter to my neighbours or someone I met in a shop or what someone thinks of me. I think there's just a simple answer to mattering and feeling like you're making a difference - always be kind.
This book is well researched and reads well, however I found myself feeling a little disconnected from it as the book went on, and I'll tell you why.
As a woman well into mid-life and a recovering people pleaser, whilst I feel it's important to feel loved and to know that you matter to your family and close friends, I do think that taking this too wide and focusing on feeling like you matter to a larger group of people can potentially verge on people pleasing. Our own happiness should not be reliant on how we make others feel, nor do I feel that my own happiness has to rely on how others feel about me. I am not seeking validation for my existence on this planet. For example, there was a small section on being childfree, where one lady commented that she was never a priority to her friends who had children and therefore felt like she didn't matter. As a person who is childfree, whilst I would not expect to be dismissed by my friends who have children just because I don't have any, I would not expect to be their priority either.
There is also a large section on feeling like you matter in the workplace. Whilst I agree that being respected by your colleagues and being made to feel like your work is worthwhile by your managers is very important, if, like me, you work in a large organisation, you are never going to be more than just a small cog in a very large wheel and therefore will always be replaceable. I switch my thinking in my work to focus on it mattering that I work well with my close colleagues and to those who my work has a direct impact on.
This book is certainly thought provoking and for that I still think it’s worth a read (if it’s your kind of thing) but will it change my outlook to think about whether I matter? No. Because life is already stressful enough without worrying about whether I matter to my neighbours or someone I met in a shop or what someone thinks of me. I think there's just a simple answer to mattering and feeling like you're making a difference - always be kind.
Did not finish
January 31, 2026Started skimming at 50%. Not the book's fault - I was looking for something more existential and less self-help. But it reminded me to let all of my fellow reviewers know that their reviews are important to me, and that I value their insights!
January 29, 2026
A ‘transformative new framework’ is a grossly hyperbolized description of this book. I thought it was profoundly…mediocre.
November 4, 2025
4.5 stars
Thanks to NetGalley and William Collins for the advanced copy of this title in return for an honest review.
I couldn't move for reviews of this book so I was definitely intrigued.
Before reading it, I did question as to whether it was needed. There are a lot of self-help books out there and I have read a lot. But some of them I feel weren't really necessary, that it was all common sense. And to a point, I did think this might be the same. But I was completely wrong.
I've never given much thought to the idea of 'mattering'. But Jennifer references in her introduction about people with chronic illness, that they might feel they don't matter because they're not relied on or they can't keep up with the pace of the world. And as someone with a chronic illness, I had never thought of it like that but I completely agree with it. That's when I knew this book might be something a bit special.
I'm not necessarily going to say this book will change your life because that sounds a bit corny. But it's true. I think it is a very important conversation to have, and it could, in truth, transform the way people see themselves.
She provides little tips and to-dos, nothing strenuous and nothing compulsory. But things like making a gratitude journal, or writing down when you achieve something, what effect you've had on a situation or another person.
It's powerful but not preachy; interesting and engaging; informative but not too heavy. Some self-help books can be heavy and dry and a bit of a slog to go through, and some, whilst informative, are just not enjoyable. But this one was a delight to read.
I read it cover to cover like I do a novel. It's not necessarily the way to read it. You may choose to read one chapter and put it down, dip in and out, and that's fine. However you choose to read it, just make sure you do. And you'll probably find yourself passing it on to others.
She has also provided a collection of further reading if you wish to pursue the topic any more.
It is quite short which means it's quick to read, so I read it in less than a day. But it never feels flat or slow or trivial. It's got some heavy stuff, but it's written in an accessible and user-friendly way.
Thanks to NetGalley and William Collins for the advanced copy of this title in return for an honest review.
I couldn't move for reviews of this book so I was definitely intrigued.
Before reading it, I did question as to whether it was needed. There are a lot of self-help books out there and I have read a lot. But some of them I feel weren't really necessary, that it was all common sense. And to a point, I did think this might be the same. But I was completely wrong.
I've never given much thought to the idea of 'mattering'. But Jennifer references in her introduction about people with chronic illness, that they might feel they don't matter because they're not relied on or they can't keep up with the pace of the world. And as someone with a chronic illness, I had never thought of it like that but I completely agree with it. That's when I knew this book might be something a bit special.
I'm not necessarily going to say this book will change your life because that sounds a bit corny. But it's true. I think it is a very important conversation to have, and it could, in truth, transform the way people see themselves.
She provides little tips and to-dos, nothing strenuous and nothing compulsory. But things like making a gratitude journal, or writing down when you achieve something, what effect you've had on a situation or another person.
It's powerful but not preachy; interesting and engaging; informative but not too heavy. Some self-help books can be heavy and dry and a bit of a slog to go through, and some, whilst informative, are just not enjoyable. But this one was a delight to read.
I read it cover to cover like I do a novel. It's not necessarily the way to read it. You may choose to read one chapter and put it down, dip in and out, and that's fine. However you choose to read it, just make sure you do. And you'll probably find yourself passing it on to others.
She has also provided a collection of further reading if you wish to pursue the topic any more.
It is quite short which means it's quick to read, so I read it in less than a day. But it never feels flat or slow or trivial. It's got some heavy stuff, but it's written in an accessible and user-friendly way.
March 10, 2026
Outstanding book on intentionally finding ways to help others know they matter and to be where we understand we matter. Reading this has helped me fill in the missing piece of several confusing areas of my life. To be a part of mattering requires work, but it’s something worth doing! 🍊
March 1, 2026
Wish intrinsic/ extrinsic mattering had been discussed (we need less extrinsic mattering if we have solid intrinsic mattering). Sad that we need to discuss this & how vital it is in healthy relationships. (And how sad it is when nonexistent.). Let’s learn how to show mattering to the next generation! And change lives! 💕💕
February 4, 2026
I was made redundant last year and since there I've lost a lot of my purpose, so reading this book really helped me understand how this big change in my life has impacted me in so many ways. It is a fascinating read and talks you through how you manage these transitions in life, to ensure you still maintain connection and have purpose. A wonderful book.
February 24, 2026
This was a decent read but I felt the advice boiled down to, be a good person and help each other out. A good reminder, but I feel like the type of person who picks up this book probably doesn't need that advice.
February 26, 2026
A feel good read that made me feel a little more connected to something bigger
February 15, 2026
Utterly disappointing, particularly in light of the rave reviews featured on the dust jacket by famed authors such as Adam Grant, Susan Cain and Kelly Corrigan to name but a few. The writing is fluid (which is why I gave it two stars instead of one) but no new ground is covered here. Far from the blurbs hailing this book as “powerful”, “persuasive” and “consequential”, a more apt description would be banal, bromidic and vapid.
Want to read
December 30, 2025I'm guessing this will build on the content in "Never Enough". I'm a little nervous about yet another self-help book with a new framework hitting shelves, it feels a little exhausting, but I can't fault this book because at least it's talking about increasing empathy, mattering, and connection, all things this world is in shorter supply of.
I wonder if this book will popularize the concept of mattering in general. I noticed the books on mattering referenced in the author's last work didn't seem very popular with the general public (probably because they're psychology books meant for other professionals in the field). Either way, I'm looking forward to reading Mattering.
I wonder if this book will popularize the concept of mattering in general. I noticed the books on mattering referenced in the author's last work didn't seem very popular with the general public (probably because they're psychology books meant for other professionals in the field). Either way, I'm looking forward to reading Mattering.
December 9, 2025
I was instantly drawn to this book because of the title, and I could tell straight away that it was going to be a meaningful read and a book for me. The author explores so many important themes around mattering, purpose, and connection. It’s extremely readable, and in fact, I read it almost in one sitting.
I like the structure of the book; it weaves together case studies, anecdotes, suggestions, and research, all of which support the central themes. I learned new ideas that I’ll genuinely try to bring into my own life. I found myself nodding along and smiling often. I also really enjoyed the quotes sprinkled throughout.
This is a book I definitely recommend.
I received an advance review copy from NetGalley, and this is my honest review.
I like the structure of the book; it weaves together case studies, anecdotes, suggestions, and research, all of which support the central themes. I learned new ideas that I’ll genuinely try to bring into my own life. I found myself nodding along and smiling often. I also really enjoyed the quotes sprinkled throughout.
This is a book I definitely recommend.
I received an advance review copy from NetGalley, and this is my honest review.
January 30, 2026
"Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose" is a timely and deeply meaningful exploration of one of the most overlooked human needs: the need to feel that we matter. Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers readers a compelling blend of research, storytelling, and practical insight that speaks directly to the quiet ache many people carry—the desire to know they are seen, valued, and needed.
The idea of mattering is especially relevant to the work I do in communities. Whether I am engaging partners, strengthening neighborhoods, supporting leaders, or serving residents, helping people feel that they matter is at the core of building resilient communities. Wallace’s research also highlights insights I can integrate into my programs, communications, and relationships.
At its core, the book argues that mattering is not the same as achievement, popularity, or even success. Instead, mattering is rooted in relationships, contribution, and mutual recognition. Wallace carefully distinguishes between "feeling important" and "feeling valued for who you are," and that distinction is powerful. In a culture often driven by performance metrics, social media validation, and comparison, this book feels like a corrective lens—refocusing us on what truly builds lasting wellbeing and purpose.
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its accessibility. Readers can credit Wallace's experience as a journalist for this readability. She has served as a journalist for 60 Minutes and written for major newspapers including The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post.
So back on accessibility: Wallace translates complex psychological and sociological research into language and examples that feel real and applicable. The stories—from families to schools to workplaces—illustrate how environments can either cultivate mattering or quietly erode it. Readers will likely recognize themselves, their workplaces, their churches, and their neighborhoods in these examples.
Another standout feature is the hopeful tone. While Wallace does not ignore the rising rates of loneliness, anxiety, and disconnection, she refuses to frame these as unsolvable problems. Instead, she points to small, relational, daily actions that can rebuild a sense of significance and belonging. The message is both challenging and empowering: we do not have to wait for systems to change before we can help others feel that they matter.
For readers interested in community life, civic engagement, education, faith communities, or simply healthier relationships, this book offers a framework that is both philosophical and practical. It encourages readers to ask not just “How do I succeed?” but “Who feels seen because I exist?”
Ultimately, "Mattering" is more than a book about psychology—it is a book about how we rebuild human connection in a disconnected age. It reminds us that purpose is rarely found in isolation. It is found in being known, needed, and valued by others—and in offering that same gift in return.
Further Questions Worth Exploring (Especially in Community Context)
Personal & Relational Questions
* What are the earliest experiences in a person’s life that shape whether they feel they matter?
* How does digital culture change how people measure their own worth?
* Can mattering be “self-generated,” or is it always relational?
Community & Neighborhood Questions
* What are the visible signs that people feel they matter in a neighborhood?
* How does mattering show up in simple behaviors like waving, helping, or checking on neighbors?
* Can a community intentionally design systems (events, spaces, rituals) that increase mattering?
Civic & Institutional Questions
* How would local government decision-making change if “Do residents feel they matter?” was a core metric?
* Could schools measure mattering the same way they measure attendance or achievement?
* What role do libraries, parks, and community centers play in helping people feel visible and valued?
Research & Measurement Questions
* Is it possible to build a reliable “Mattering Index” for communities?
* What is the relationship between mattering and civic participation?
* Does increasing mattering reduce polarization, loneliness, or community conflict?
The idea of mattering is especially relevant to the work I do in communities. Whether I am engaging partners, strengthening neighborhoods, supporting leaders, or serving residents, helping people feel that they matter is at the core of building resilient communities. Wallace’s research also highlights insights I can integrate into my programs, communications, and relationships.
At its core, the book argues that mattering is not the same as achievement, popularity, or even success. Instead, mattering is rooted in relationships, contribution, and mutual recognition. Wallace carefully distinguishes between "feeling important" and "feeling valued for who you are," and that distinction is powerful. In a culture often driven by performance metrics, social media validation, and comparison, this book feels like a corrective lens—refocusing us on what truly builds lasting wellbeing and purpose.
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its accessibility. Readers can credit Wallace's experience as a journalist for this readability. She has served as a journalist for 60 Minutes and written for major newspapers including The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post.
So back on accessibility: Wallace translates complex psychological and sociological research into language and examples that feel real and applicable. The stories—from families to schools to workplaces—illustrate how environments can either cultivate mattering or quietly erode it. Readers will likely recognize themselves, their workplaces, their churches, and their neighborhoods in these examples.
Another standout feature is the hopeful tone. While Wallace does not ignore the rising rates of loneliness, anxiety, and disconnection, she refuses to frame these as unsolvable problems. Instead, she points to small, relational, daily actions that can rebuild a sense of significance and belonging. The message is both challenging and empowering: we do not have to wait for systems to change before we can help others feel that they matter.
For readers interested in community life, civic engagement, education, faith communities, or simply healthier relationships, this book offers a framework that is both philosophical and practical. It encourages readers to ask not just “How do I succeed?” but “Who feels seen because I exist?”
Ultimately, "Mattering" is more than a book about psychology—it is a book about how we rebuild human connection in a disconnected age. It reminds us that purpose is rarely found in isolation. It is found in being known, needed, and valued by others—and in offering that same gift in return.
Further Questions Worth Exploring (Especially in Community Context)
Personal & Relational Questions
* What are the earliest experiences in a person’s life that shape whether they feel they matter?
* How does digital culture change how people measure their own worth?
* Can mattering be “self-generated,” or is it always relational?
Community & Neighborhood Questions
* What are the visible signs that people feel they matter in a neighborhood?
* How does mattering show up in simple behaviors like waving, helping, or checking on neighbors?
* Can a community intentionally design systems (events, spaces, rituals) that increase mattering?
Civic & Institutional Questions
* How would local government decision-making change if “Do residents feel they matter?” was a core metric?
* Could schools measure mattering the same way they measure attendance or achievement?
* What role do libraries, parks, and community centers play in helping people feel visible and valued?
Research & Measurement Questions
* Is it possible to build a reliable “Mattering Index” for communities?
* What is the relationship between mattering and civic participation?
* Does increasing mattering reduce polarization, loneliness, or community conflict?
February 28, 2026
3.5 ⭐️ This isn’t ground breaking self-help but it’s the kind that I think matters most. See what I did there? I think it’s also the kind that is easier in theory than in practice. It was a quick listen. And something that speaks to my inner child + enneagram 2.
Wallace writes that “mattering” is feeling valued and being able to add value to the world. This “mattering” deeply influences our well-being. She continues that our aim is to find a need in the world that aligns with our strengths to build our sense of mattering.
I think like a lot of current self-help, non-fiction books, it continues to highlight how the present world leaves us feeling more alone and more fractured than previous generations, because of more isolating lifestyles due to tech (endless steaming, grocery orders, less public gatherings or community programming).
I loved the idea of third spaces (parks, libraries, coffee shops, gyms etc.) that create informal interactions that add to our sense of mattering. More spaces, more friends.
Another new to me idea was an impact file. She described it as the opposite of a gratitude journal, more of a place you keep track of all the ways you have made an impact in the world.
One fact I found shocking was that only 4.1% of Americans attended or hosted a social event on an average weekend or holiday in 2023 according to a statistic from the bureau of labor statistics. Party deficit is what one researcher called it, recommending that everyone should aim to host 2 parties a year, and that the party reciprocity would be 20 invitations a year per person. Throwing more parties seems silly on the onset perhaps, but after reading the book and hearing how people are struggling to find spaces and people that help them feel like they matter, it seems manageable to commit to inviting and hosting more. Especially an informal neighborhood happy hour, after dinner walks, or a quick lunch. Loneliness is real. Especially in life transitions and heartbreak.
Also the story of the sanitation worker. Service industry workers are heroes. And everyone should experience service industry jobs is a Miss America platform I champion. that feeling valued and able to add value (what Wallace calls mattering) deeply influences well-being.
Finally, the quote that really got me was her talking about asking her now deceased father if he wished he could go back and relive their childhoods. His response: “when you’re fully present, you don’t really feel the need to go back.” She then added, “being paid that kind of loving attention, lodges deep inside your sense of self. It grounds you.” Sob. That’s it. That’s the takeaway. Attention, details, remembering, trying MATTERS, and it’s the prescription for loving self and others.
Wallace writes that “mattering” is feeling valued and being able to add value to the world. This “mattering” deeply influences our well-being. She continues that our aim is to find a need in the world that aligns with our strengths to build our sense of mattering.
I think like a lot of current self-help, non-fiction books, it continues to highlight how the present world leaves us feeling more alone and more fractured than previous generations, because of more isolating lifestyles due to tech (endless steaming, grocery orders, less public gatherings or community programming).
I loved the idea of third spaces (parks, libraries, coffee shops, gyms etc.) that create informal interactions that add to our sense of mattering. More spaces, more friends.
Another new to me idea was an impact file. She described it as the opposite of a gratitude journal, more of a place you keep track of all the ways you have made an impact in the world.
One fact I found shocking was that only 4.1% of Americans attended or hosted a social event on an average weekend or holiday in 2023 according to a statistic from the bureau of labor statistics. Party deficit is what one researcher called it, recommending that everyone should aim to host 2 parties a year, and that the party reciprocity would be 20 invitations a year per person. Throwing more parties seems silly on the onset perhaps, but after reading the book and hearing how people are struggling to find spaces and people that help them feel like they matter, it seems manageable to commit to inviting and hosting more. Especially an informal neighborhood happy hour, after dinner walks, or a quick lunch. Loneliness is real. Especially in life transitions and heartbreak.
Also the story of the sanitation worker. Service industry workers are heroes. And everyone should experience service industry jobs is a Miss America platform I champion. that feeling valued and able to add value (what Wallace calls mattering) deeply influences well-being.
Finally, the quote that really got me was her talking about asking her now deceased father if he wished he could go back and relive their childhoods. His response: “when you’re fully present, you don’t really feel the need to go back.” She then added, “being paid that kind of loving attention, lodges deep inside your sense of self. It grounds you.” Sob. That’s it. That’s the takeaway. Attention, details, remembering, trying MATTERS, and it’s the prescription for loving self and others.
not-finished
February 17, 2026I don’t like to rate the books that I don’t care to finish. I listened to just over an hour of this and gave up.
I felt like I was being read aloud to in kindergarten. It’s very Stuart Smalley. Also, it seemed like the author was trying to attain a certain word count. If there were an award for saying the same thing in as many ways as is humanely possible, she’d be in the running.
I felt like I was being read aloud to in kindergarten. It’s very Stuart Smalley. Also, it seemed like the author was trying to attain a certain word count. If there were an award for saying the same thing in as many ways as is humanely possible, she’d be in the running.
February 6, 2026
I don't know if it's just the stressful state of the world right now or the feeling of helplessness in today's politics, but this book hit me right where I needed it. Truthfully, the message can be summed up in 1-2 sentences and it's not rocket science... but I loved listening to all the anecdotes of people making others feel like they matter. I felt the hot pressure of tears behind my eyes every single time. I'd like to return to this whenever I need a mindset shift.
February 5, 2026
Wow! Such a great book! Reading this one book can improve every relationship in your life: from marriage to parenting to work to community and even your own mental health. This is a book I want to return to frequently. I highly recommend!!
(I only have 159 highlights from the kindle version of this book 😂)
(I only have 159 highlights from the kindle version of this book 😂)
February 12, 2026
Such a great book! Looking forward to reading it again and sharing it with others.
March 3, 2026
Phenomenal and a book I want every human to read, especially people who lead and manage others. Loved the audio.
Source: Libro.fm audio via purchased credit
Source: Libro.fm audio via purchased credit
February 27, 2026
Nothing earth shattering in this book, but some good reminders.
February 13, 2026
Boring nothing new or interesting
February 14, 2026
For a book about depth, I found the stories forced or inauthentic.
February 23, 2026
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
Enjoyed this on audio read by the author. An important topic right now especially with all the rapid changes coming with AI and what that will mean to our purpose and mattering.
Enjoyed this on audio read by the author. An important topic right now especially with all the rapid changes coming with AI and what that will mean to our purpose and mattering.
February 2, 2026
Full of practical and accessible ideas, this is a gentle way to connect with people on a more meaningful level.
February 14, 2026
I was thinking I was getting a book about existential mattering. Instead it seemed like a rehash of another book I read recently entitled "Validation". Instead of finding a deep unshakeable sense of mattering within, Wallace would have us become dependent on others for our sense of worth. I didn't find that helpful.
February 18, 2026
I loved Never Enough and her writing style in general, so it was an easy choice to pick this one up. I think most of the book could have been summed up into a substack post, but I really enjoyed the stories and seeing the concepts discussed in real life scenarios.
February 2, 2026
Call it mattering, call it connection -- whatever you call it, humans all need it.
This is going to sound random -- because it is -- but for some reason, the story of Chris McCandless, as portrayed in Into the Wild (the movie version; I actually never read the book) has stuck with me all these years. That is... even if you have an epic appetite for alone time, you will still get lonely. You still need people.
As I read this book, I kept oscillating between thinking this book was not for introverts and thinking this book was especially for introverts. As one of said introverts, this book honestly caught me bristling at times, thinking to myself, ugh, who wants to be with people MORE often? But I think one of the main things I took away was that we need to be around people even when we don't necessarily want to be. Maybe especially when we don't necessarily want to be. Obviously there are limitations to this, and there are times when being alone is the most amazing thing in the whole wide world. But we are also most certainly in an era of deep disconnection from each other in America. We are separated by walls, by single-family homes, by cars, by sprawl, by remote work, and by the lame substitute of the internet, which is the worst of all because it aims to simulate connection but in many cases has driven us to spaces far away from each other, physically and ideologically. It is why I love a big city; you have no choice but to simply BE around each other. To be tolerant because you remember what it's like to be part of a species, to be one of a whole, to see differences and still know you are, regardless, all generally capable of the same joys and fears. (And in the same vein, to be more attuned to those of your species that you should perhaps stay farther away from, for health and safety reasons...)
Mattering is easier when we are together and harder when we are apart. I am certain we are collectively experiencing a loneliness crisis behind all our screens. I am certain we are, on the whole, not sharing lived experiences with each other the way we used to. I am certain it is a modern harm we need to work harder to address. This book is a good start.
Also. What a SAD thing to learn about the mental struggles of firefighters! I've never felt like I should bother them before because I figured they get bombarded as hero-type figures. Now I will make a point to say hello and thank you when I see them. (Don't laud me for the vast sacrifices I'm willing to make to engage with strong handsome men.)
This is going to sound random -- because it is -- but for some reason, the story of Chris McCandless, as portrayed in Into the Wild (the movie version; I actually never read the book) has stuck with me all these years. That is... even if you have an epic appetite for alone time, you will still get lonely. You still need people.
As I read this book, I kept oscillating between thinking this book was not for introverts and thinking this book was especially for introverts. As one of said introverts, this book honestly caught me bristling at times, thinking to myself, ugh, who wants to be with people MORE often? But I think one of the main things I took away was that we need to be around people even when we don't necessarily want to be. Maybe especially when we don't necessarily want to be. Obviously there are limitations to this, and there are times when being alone is the most amazing thing in the whole wide world. But we are also most certainly in an era of deep disconnection from each other in America. We are separated by walls, by single-family homes, by cars, by sprawl, by remote work, and by the lame substitute of the internet, which is the worst of all because it aims to simulate connection but in many cases has driven us to spaces far away from each other, physically and ideologically. It is why I love a big city; you have no choice but to simply BE around each other. To be tolerant because you remember what it's like to be part of a species, to be one of a whole, to see differences and still know you are, regardless, all generally capable of the same joys and fears. (And in the same vein, to be more attuned to those of your species that you should perhaps stay farther away from, for health and safety reasons...)
Mattering is easier when we are together and harder when we are apart. I am certain we are collectively experiencing a loneliness crisis behind all our screens. I am certain we are, on the whole, not sharing lived experiences with each other the way we used to. I am certain it is a modern harm we need to work harder to address. This book is a good start.
Also. What a SAD thing to learn about the mental struggles of firefighters! I've never felt like I should bother them before because I figured they get bombarded as hero-type figures. Now I will make a point to say hello and thank you when I see them. (Don't laud me for the vast sacrifices I'm willing to make to engage with strong handsome men.)
March 10, 2026
3.5 ⭐️ rounded up to 4.
I don’t read non-fiction that often, but every now and then a book comes along with a description so close to my personal needs that I have no choice but to pick it up.
This time it was Mattering by Jennifer Breheny Wallace, courtesy of Jonathan Ball Publishers.
Described as a roadmap for living a happy and fulfilled life, Mattering argues that feeling valued and knowing the value we offer shouldn’t be seen as a luxury, but as an essential human need.
Wallace refers to ‘Mattering’ as the deeply human need to be seen, prioritised, relied on, and truly known.
She builds this idea through what she calls the Mattering Core, made up of five components: Recognition, Reliance, Importance, Ego Extensions, and Attunement.
While I took something from each section, the one that stayed with me the longest was Attunement; the process of being deeply responsive and in sync with another's emotional state.
In the section ‘Fight Inertia,’ Wallace argues that to become better at attunement, we need to spend time together in person. She points out how social media and modern life have made it easier than ever to stay home and opt out. Social inertia is common, even among adults. Mattering emphasises pushing through that friction to show up physically, because that’s where we create something we all need: the chance to be known and cared for.
One part that really got to me was the “mental subtraction” technique, a positive psychology exercise designed to counter the hedonic treadmill.
You’re asked to think of someone deeply important to you, then imagine the ways you might never have met.
‘What if you hadn’t gone to that party, taken the bus, or said yes to that blind date?’
It made me rethink all the times I’ve flaked on events because I’d rather stay home in bed. How many opportunities have I missed? How many potential friendships have I indirectly declined simply because I “wasn’t feeling it”?
I wouldn’t say I walked away feeling enlightened or ready to overhaul my life. But I did walk away more aware. Aware of how I spend my time, who I show up for, and how easily we can let the things that truly matter slip through the cracks.
For me, Mattering was thoughtful, well-researched, and quietly impactful. It wasn’t life-altering, but sometimes a little grounding is all you need.
Thank you Jonathan Ball Publishers for this gifted copy!
I don’t read non-fiction that often, but every now and then a book comes along with a description so close to my personal needs that I have no choice but to pick it up.
This time it was Mattering by Jennifer Breheny Wallace, courtesy of Jonathan Ball Publishers.
Described as a roadmap for living a happy and fulfilled life, Mattering argues that feeling valued and knowing the value we offer shouldn’t be seen as a luxury, but as an essential human need.
Wallace refers to ‘Mattering’ as the deeply human need to be seen, prioritised, relied on, and truly known.
She builds this idea through what she calls the Mattering Core, made up of five components: Recognition, Reliance, Importance, Ego Extensions, and Attunement.
While I took something from each section, the one that stayed with me the longest was Attunement; the process of being deeply responsive and in sync with another's emotional state.
In the section ‘Fight Inertia,’ Wallace argues that to become better at attunement, we need to spend time together in person. She points out how social media and modern life have made it easier than ever to stay home and opt out. Social inertia is common, even among adults. Mattering emphasises pushing through that friction to show up physically, because that’s where we create something we all need: the chance to be known and cared for.
One part that really got to me was the “mental subtraction” technique, a positive psychology exercise designed to counter the hedonic treadmill.
You’re asked to think of someone deeply important to you, then imagine the ways you might never have met.
‘What if you hadn’t gone to that party, taken the bus, or said yes to that blind date?’
It made me rethink all the times I’ve flaked on events because I’d rather stay home in bed. How many opportunities have I missed? How many potential friendships have I indirectly declined simply because I “wasn’t feeling it”?
I wouldn’t say I walked away feeling enlightened or ready to overhaul my life. But I did walk away more aware. Aware of how I spend my time, who I show up for, and how easily we can let the things that truly matter slip through the cracks.
For me, Mattering was thoughtful, well-researched, and quietly impactful. It wasn’t life-altering, but sometimes a little grounding is all you need.
Thank you Jonathan Ball Publishers for this gifted copy!
March 7, 2026
This book centers on a simple but powerful idea: people thrive when they feel like they matter.
The author defines mattering as the intersection of two things - feeling valued and adding value. When both are present, people feel seen, heard, and connected. It’s that pull you feel toward someone who genuinely listens, cares about what you think, and values your contribution.
One of the most interesting ideas in the book is that mattering goes deeper than belonging or purpose. Belonging means you’re included; mattering means your presence and contributions truly count.
There were several ideas that stuck with me. One was the importance of sharing joy. If someone you care about succeeds, show your investment - celebrate it with them. Joy multiplies when it’s shared; to fully experience it, you need someone else to divide it with.
Another takeaway is how powerful mattering at work can be. When people feel like they matter in their workplace, they’re obviously more likely to succeed and grow but I found it interesting that they’re also more likely to engage in their communities - organizing charity events, volunteering, or speaking up at city council meetings. Feeling valued in one place often carries into other parts of life.
I especially liked the chapter about creating community. The suggestions were refreshingly practical: connect with people in person, commit to hosting gatherings, and invest in local businesses. Get to know the staff, the regulars, the people who make up your neighborhood. Those small connections build a deeper sense of mattering for everyone involved.
Overall, this book offers a thoughtful reminder that people don’t just want to belong-they want to know they make a difference.
The author defines mattering as the intersection of two things - feeling valued and adding value. When both are present, people feel seen, heard, and connected. It’s that pull you feel toward someone who genuinely listens, cares about what you think, and values your contribution.
One of the most interesting ideas in the book is that mattering goes deeper than belonging or purpose. Belonging means you’re included; mattering means your presence and contributions truly count.
There were several ideas that stuck with me. One was the importance of sharing joy. If someone you care about succeeds, show your investment - celebrate it with them. Joy multiplies when it’s shared; to fully experience it, you need someone else to divide it with.
Another takeaway is how powerful mattering at work can be. When people feel like they matter in their workplace, they’re obviously more likely to succeed and grow but I found it interesting that they’re also more likely to engage in their communities - organizing charity events, volunteering, or speaking up at city council meetings. Feeling valued in one place often carries into other parts of life.
I especially liked the chapter about creating community. The suggestions were refreshingly practical: connect with people in person, commit to hosting gatherings, and invest in local businesses. Get to know the staff, the regulars, the people who make up your neighborhood. Those small connections build a deeper sense of mattering for everyone involved.
Overall, this book offers a thoughtful reminder that people don’t just want to belong-they want to know they make a difference.
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