What do you think?
Rate this book
Why We Suffer and How We Heal
A psychiatrist who has dedicated her life to treating global survivors of unspeakable horrors shares the three keys to resilience that we can use to weather stress, loss, and trauma in our own lives.
“This book is a gift of empathy and lived wisdom—rare, real, and deeply human.”—Dr. Koen Sevenants, former global lead for Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies for UNICEF’s Child Protection Area of Responsibility
In her debut book, Dr. Suzan Song draws from patient stories, humanitarian research, and her own life to help readers release their unrealistic longing for stability and open them up to a new, healthier mindset. As uncomfortable as it is, instability, Dr. Song suggests, is what ultimately invites us into transformation.
From her clinical practice in the United States to her global work over two decades with survivors of human rights violations, Dr. Song has uncovered three keys to Narrative, Ritual, and Purpose. Western therapy teaches that we heal by examining our influences, inner conflicts, and goals. This is vital work, but insight alone does not lead to lasting change.
Song has found that rituals, whether private or community-based, create the bridge from insight to change. She brought this observation back to her clinical work along with the third potent source of Purpose. Whatever you're going through, these three tools can help you not only weather the winters of life but thrive through them.
Profoundly insightful and beautifully written, Why We Suffer and How We Heal offers a groundbreaking new path to deep healing and finally feeling alive again.
“This book is a gift of empathy and lived wisdom—rare, real, and deeply human.”—Dr. Koen Sevenants, former global lead for Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies for UNICEF’s Child Protection Area of Responsibility
In her debut book, Dr. Suzan Song draws from patient stories, humanitarian research, and her own life to help readers release their unrealistic longing for stability and open them up to a new, healthier mindset. As uncomfortable as it is, instability, Dr. Song suggests, is what ultimately invites us into transformation.
From her clinical practice in the United States to her global work over two decades with survivors of human rights violations, Dr. Song has uncovered three keys to Narrative, Ritual, and Purpose. Western therapy teaches that we heal by examining our influences, inner conflicts, and goals. This is vital work, but insight alone does not lead to lasting change.
Song has found that rituals, whether private or community-based, create the bridge from insight to change. She brought this observation back to her clinical work along with the third potent source of Purpose. Whatever you're going through, these three tools can help you not only weather the winters of life but thrive through them.
Profoundly insightful and beautifully written, Why We Suffer and How We Heal offers a groundbreaking new path to deep healing and finally feeling alive again.
272 pages, Hardcover
Published February 24, 2026
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
February 24, 2026
I read this book not just as a clinician-adjacent public health professional, but as someone who understands how deeply suffering is shaped by systems, relationships, and historical context. Suzan Song’s Why We Suffer and How We Heal honors that complexity.
In perinatal and family health work, we see every day how suffering is rarely isolated to an individual event. It is layered - historical trauma, intergenerational stress, poverty, racism, loss, relational rupture, and systems that fail to protect. Suzan Song understands this. She does not reduce distress to pathology. She situates it within context.
Her work with former child soldiers, survivors of violence, and communities living in chronic instability is handled with ethical clarity and grace. She does not collapse everyday stress into human rights violations. Instead, she places suffering on a spectrum and demonstrates how the same core tools, narrative coherence, embodied ritual, and meaningful purpose can buffer instability across contexts.
I was especially struck by her discussion of identity scripts and cognitive distortions. In public health, we talk about social determinants; she brings that conversation inward without stripping away accountability. We inherit cultural narratives about productivity, independence, and worth; we internalize them. Healing here is not positive thinking, but cognitive reframing based on emotional courage.
Her critique of hyper-independence also resonates strongly. We know that isolation is a risk factor. We know that connection is protective. Song articulates this clearly - we were never meant to do life alone. Healing is relational; it happens in community, in ritual, in shared meaning-making.
This is not a book to rush through. It models the very thing it teaches: slow integration, reflection, coherence. For those of us working at the intersection of trauma, community health, and systems-level intervention, this is a valuable and humane contribution. It validates lived experience while offering a framework that bridges clinical science and cultural wisdom.
Highest recommendation for both professionals and clients/patients.
Thank you to Convergent, Dr. Song and NetGalley for the opportunity to review an early copy.
In perinatal and family health work, we see every day how suffering is rarely isolated to an individual event. It is layered - historical trauma, intergenerational stress, poverty, racism, loss, relational rupture, and systems that fail to protect. Suzan Song understands this. She does not reduce distress to pathology. She situates it within context.
Her work with former child soldiers, survivors of violence, and communities living in chronic instability is handled with ethical clarity and grace. She does not collapse everyday stress into human rights violations. Instead, she places suffering on a spectrum and demonstrates how the same core tools, narrative coherence, embodied ritual, and meaningful purpose can buffer instability across contexts.
I was especially struck by her discussion of identity scripts and cognitive distortions. In public health, we talk about social determinants; she brings that conversation inward without stripping away accountability. We inherit cultural narratives about productivity, independence, and worth; we internalize them. Healing here is not positive thinking, but cognitive reframing based on emotional courage.
Her critique of hyper-independence also resonates strongly. We know that isolation is a risk factor. We know that connection is protective. Song articulates this clearly - we were never meant to do life alone. Healing is relational; it happens in community, in ritual, in shared meaning-making.
This is not a book to rush through. It models the very thing it teaches: slow integration, reflection, coherence. For those of us working at the intersection of trauma, community health, and systems-level intervention, this is a valuable and humane contribution. It validates lived experience while offering a framework that bridges clinical science and cultural wisdom.
Highest recommendation for both professionals and clients/patients.
Thank you to Convergent, Dr. Song and NetGalley for the opportunity to review an early copy.
February 20, 2026
I just finished the journey of translating Why We Suffer and How We Heal by Dr. Suzan Song, and I feel fundamentally changed. This isn't just a book about 'bouncing back'; it’s a radical rejection of the idea that we have to be 'strong' in isolation.
The most beautiful lesson I’m taking away is that resilience isn't a solo achievement—it’s a relational experience. Dr. Song taught me that our peace rises and falls with the safety of those we love, and that 'mattering' to one another is the ultimate brain health hack. Through the stories of 'tree-schoolers' and global survivors, I’ve learned to stop chasing the illusion of stability and instead embrace the 'winter' with curiosity and shared rituals.
To anyone feeling broken: this book reminds us that we rise when others stay with us in the fall.
The most beautiful lesson I’m taking away is that resilience isn't a solo achievement—it’s a relational experience. Dr. Song taught me that our peace rises and falls with the safety of those we love, and that 'mattering' to one another is the ultimate brain health hack. Through the stories of 'tree-schoolers' and global survivors, I’ve learned to stop chasing the illusion of stability and instead embrace the 'winter' with curiosity and shared rituals.
To anyone feeling broken: this book reminds us that we rise when others stay with us in the fall.
April 18, 2026
my therapist would love this
think this would've been stronger if it was more personal with her experiences + reflections on coping with trauma (like how the word is passed or what my bones know), but had to remind myself this is a self-help book so it will be more informative and 'how-to' ...... so this gives me hope that a memoir is possible. i just want to read more about her insights from her experiences of personal trauma to seeing child soldiers grow up and refugees from a collapsed country
think this would've been stronger if it was more personal with her experiences + reflections on coping with trauma (like how the word is passed or what my bones know), but had to remind myself this is a self-help book so it will be more informative and 'how-to' ...... so this gives me hope that a memoir is possible. i just want to read more about her insights from her experiences of personal trauma to seeing child soldiers grow up and refugees from a collapsed country
Read
March 6, 2026I think she could’ve gone more in depth with her prompts and the hard things she wrote about. I felt like it was lacking and it could’ve been more engaging. It’s probably a good book club book or something to read alongside with another person
May 28, 2026
I had the great fortune of connecting with Suzan Song, MD, MPH, PhD at the Council of Korean Americans gala last fall. She was the featured speaker for a women's group there and shared her book, 'Why we suffer, and how we heal,' which is remarkably as relevant for a child soldier as it is for a chronically insecure professional or someone reeling from life's many unexpected tragedies.
She quotes Victor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, and holocaust survivor, who famously wrote, “when we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.” Then she clarifies, importantly, that change does not necessarily mean working harder or thinking more positively but may require updating the story you think you’re living.
As someone who has also thought long and hard about how we heal within the context of caregiving - something we have in fact chosen but often feel we cannot change - I am deeply familiar with the power of narrative, ritual, and purpose.
This thinking has informed how we have built at my social impact company, PrognosUs. We are like no other caregiver support organization in the way that we tackle learning through story systematically. We leverage ritual and purpose in how we gather, grieve, and collectively understand the work we have taken on to close the immense gaps in supporting sustainable, dignified care at home for people living with dementia. Suzan has given me the language to describe what we do. This book was so affirming and offers each of us and all of us together practical tools for rewriting our stories, sitting with discomfort, and prevailing through the awareness that our labor as caregivers (despite being informal and unpaid) matters to the world around us.
Thank you, Suzan, for this wonderful guide. I will make sure all of our caregivers know about it!
She quotes Victor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, and holocaust survivor, who famously wrote, “when we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.” Then she clarifies, importantly, that change does not necessarily mean working harder or thinking more positively but may require updating the story you think you’re living.
As someone who has also thought long and hard about how we heal within the context of caregiving - something we have in fact chosen but often feel we cannot change - I am deeply familiar with the power of narrative, ritual, and purpose.
This thinking has informed how we have built at my social impact company, PrognosUs. We are like no other caregiver support organization in the way that we tackle learning through story systematically. We leverage ritual and purpose in how we gather, grieve, and collectively understand the work we have taken on to close the immense gaps in supporting sustainable, dignified care at home for people living with dementia. Suzan has given me the language to describe what we do. This book was so affirming and offers each of us and all of us together practical tools for rewriting our stories, sitting with discomfort, and prevailing through the awareness that our labor as caregivers (despite being informal and unpaid) matters to the world around us.
Thank you, Suzan, for this wonderful guide. I will make sure all of our caregivers know about it!
March 15, 2026
✍🏾✍🏾✍🏾✍🏾✍🏾
A psychiatrist who has dedicated her life to treating global survivors of unspeakable horrors shares the three keys to resilience that we can use to weather stress, loss, and trauma in our own lives.
“This book is a gift of empathy and lived wisdom—rare, real, and deeply human.”—Dr. Koen Sevenants, former global lead for Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies for UNICEF’s Child Protection Area of Responsibility
In her debut book, Dr. Suzan Song draws from patient stories, humanitarian research, and her own life to help readers release their unrealistic longing for stability and open them up to a new, healthier mindset. As uncomfortable as it is, instability, Dr. Song suggests, is what ultimately invites us into transformation.
From her clinical practice in the United States to her global work over two decades with survivors of human rights violations, Dr. Song has uncovered three keys to resilience: Narrative, Ritual, and Purpose. Western therapy teaches that we heal by examining our influences, inner conflicts, and goals. This is vital work, but insight alone does not lead to lasting change.
Song has found that rituals, whether private or community-based, create the bridge from insight to change. She brought this observation back to her clinical work along with the third potent source of healing: Purpose. Whatever you're going through, these three tools can help you not only weather the winters of life but thrive through them.
Profoundly insightful and beautifully written, Why We Suffer and How We Heal offers a groundbreaking new path to deep healing and finally feeling alive again.
A psychiatrist who has dedicated her life to treating global survivors of unspeakable horrors shares the three keys to resilience that we can use to weather stress, loss, and trauma in our own lives.
“This book is a gift of empathy and lived wisdom—rare, real, and deeply human.”—Dr. Koen Sevenants, former global lead for Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies for UNICEF’s Child Protection Area of Responsibility
In her debut book, Dr. Suzan Song draws from patient stories, humanitarian research, and her own life to help readers release their unrealistic longing for stability and open them up to a new, healthier mindset. As uncomfortable as it is, instability, Dr. Song suggests, is what ultimately invites us into transformation.
From her clinical practice in the United States to her global work over two decades with survivors of human rights violations, Dr. Song has uncovered three keys to resilience: Narrative, Ritual, and Purpose. Western therapy teaches that we heal by examining our influences, inner conflicts, and goals. This is vital work, but insight alone does not lead to lasting change.
Song has found that rituals, whether private or community-based, create the bridge from insight to change. She brought this observation back to her clinical work along with the third potent source of healing: Purpose. Whatever you're going through, these three tools can help you not only weather the winters of life but thrive through them.
Profoundly insightful and beautifully written, Why We Suffer and How We Heal offers a groundbreaking new path to deep healing and finally feeling alive again.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
There are all kinds of healing strategies in life. This inspires deep thought. It’s easy to get lost in the chapters wondering about all sorts of past experiences which may include grief, broken relationships, career setbacks and feeling emotionally down.
Dr. Suzan Song is a well-known psychiatrist who shares stories – some of her own and many from patients with hardship cases. She has been referred to people who have been desperate for help from torture, child trafficking, being a hostage, unexpected losses and public failures. It makes many of us feel like our past downfalls and defeats are on an easier-to-manage scale.
She tosses in some references from psychologists and terms that are relatable to professionals. It makes me wonder if this is a book for healers or those who need healing or perhaps both.
It’s a slow read with some action plans at the end of the chapters and a lot of information to digest. It may take a while to figure out what pieces are meaningful. Reading this once through may not be enough if you’re trying to recover or mend from unsettling past times. The big question may be: who are you and who do you want to be? It’s thought-provoking.
My thanks to Harmony and NetGalley for this ARC with an expected release date of February 24, 2026. The thoughts I share are my own.
Dr. Suzan Song is a well-known psychiatrist who shares stories – some of her own and many from patients with hardship cases. She has been referred to people who have been desperate for help from torture, child trafficking, being a hostage, unexpected losses and public failures. It makes many of us feel like our past downfalls and defeats are on an easier-to-manage scale.
She tosses in some references from psychologists and terms that are relatable to professionals. It makes me wonder if this is a book for healers or those who need healing or perhaps both.
It’s a slow read with some action plans at the end of the chapters and a lot of information to digest. It may take a while to figure out what pieces are meaningful. Reading this once through may not be enough if you’re trying to recover or mend from unsettling past times. The big question may be: who are you and who do you want to be? It’s thought-provoking.
My thanks to Harmony and NetGalley for this ARC with an expected release date of February 24, 2026. The thoughts I share are my own.
May 28, 2026
This book is less than 300 pages long but I spent more than 2 weeks reading it. I could have read it much quicker but I decided to take it really slow, I annotated a lot and reflected the sentences into my past/present. Did that resonate with me? What was my inherited emotional habit? It turns out a lot of my experiences and responses were really common, we all bear unhealed wounds.
My adversities were nothing compared to the case studies in the book and it was only one year ago I started to recognise the emotional wounds, I had suicidal thoughts I was constantly on edge, I've had the worse breakout in my life a few months ago, anxiety insomnia all hit me at the same time, the emotions were so overwhelming. Ever since then I've read a lot of self-help books, they more or less gave me power to move on. Why We Suffer and How We Heal is a good book to build connection with yourself, if you allow yourself to think and reflect. The big idea of embracing instability has now stapled in my mind, I can't say I have it all, but I am convinced this is one way to healing.
If this book were given to me 2 years ago I would have never understood and felt any impacts by it. I am grateful that it came to me at the right time and offered me insights to my bright future. I am updating my narratives everyday, reading is my ritual and my purpose was always waiting for me to reconnect.
My adversities were nothing compared to the case studies in the book and it was only one year ago I started to recognise the emotional wounds, I had suicidal thoughts I was constantly on edge, I've had the worse breakout in my life a few months ago, anxiety insomnia all hit me at the same time, the emotions were so overwhelming. Ever since then I've read a lot of self-help books, they more or less gave me power to move on. Why We Suffer and How We Heal is a good book to build connection with yourself, if you allow yourself to think and reflect. The big idea of embracing instability has now stapled in my mind, I can't say I have it all, but I am convinced this is one way to healing.
If this book were given to me 2 years ago I would have never understood and felt any impacts by it. I am grateful that it came to me at the right time and offered me insights to my bright future. I am updating my narratives everyday, reading is my ritual and my purpose was always waiting for me to reconnect.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I really enjoyed this book by Dr. Suzan Song. It’s an interesting look at suffering, pain and resilience. Dr. Song offers a 3-pronged approach to this topic. First is narratives. We all have our stories - about who we are, why things happen and what they mean. Assessing and reframing our narratives can change how we respond to suffering. Next is rituals and how important they are for healing. I often talk about this with clients but haven’t seen much literature on it. I love how she explains that rituals can help us with reintegration after loss. Lastly is purpose where she talks about how & where we get our meaning, why it’s important that we matter & what we do matters and a nice perspective on resilience at the end. At the end of each section, she has Action Tools that help you think about & apply what you’ve learned. Since we will all face challenges and loss, we can all use this book to help us suffer less.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
As a doctor who has counselled many - both adults and children - helping them to recover from some truly difficult experiences, Suzan Song has a degree of expertise that many of her peers would find enviable.
In this book, she lays out a prescription of sorts. Namely, how sufferers can use tools such as narrative, ritual and purpose to help themselves progress on the road to recovery.
It is an interesting read and many are likely to find the tools useful.
I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review
In this book, she lays out a prescription of sorts. Namely, how sufferers can use tools such as narrative, ritual and purpose to help themselves progress on the road to recovery.
It is an interesting read and many are likely to find the tools useful.
I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review
March 12, 2026
Such an incredible resource. Using narratives, rituals and purpose so beautifully described with stories, some personal and others her clients stories, gave me such deep insights. I listened in audio but seriously may need to purchase as it’s the exercises through her detailed action steps that I may want to re-visit l
December 6, 2025
3.5 stars rounded up. some very good bits in here on coping mechanisms and behaviours, but less of a memoir-y piece than i was expecting, and more of a therapy and experience piece. interesting, but not my usual read.
thank you netgalley for the arc!
thank you netgalley for the arc!
March 23, 2026
More scientific and clinical than "how-to".
April 2, 2026
What a let down. This book really didn't live up to the title.
April 4, 2026
A book on how to get through life’s challenges and how to survive
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews