And the Dragons Do Come: Raising a Transgender Kid in Rural America

by Sim Butler

A gripping account of one family’s battle to protect their daughter against transphobia and hate in contemporary America

Our country stands at a critical cultural crossroads, with a wave of anti-trans legislation emerging at unprecedented levels, targeting trans children, in particular, who face increasing stigmatization and erasure. Sim Butler’s And the Dragons Do Come is a poignant account of one family’s experience of parenting and supporting a trans child against this nightmarish backdrop.

In recent years, the Butler family faced an impossible reality in their home state of Alabama, where trans rights are increasingly under attack. Butler recounts their family’s struggles and sacrifices to protect their trans child against the barrage of state-sanctioned intolerance in the legal, educational, and health arenas.

Around the time she turned twelve, his daughter’s personal struggles became political fodder. Along with other trans kids, she was outlawed from playing sports and forbidden to use the girls’ bathroom. Another law made Butler and his wife felons for seeking trans-affirming health care for her. When her charter school was featured in several gubernatorial campaign ads, local community members began driving through the parking lot to yell at the trans kids.

Serving both as a compassionate story of one family’s struggle for acceptance and as a window onto a fraught issue that parents, grandparents, other family members, and friends are confronting across the nation, And the Dragons Do Come provides a firsthand perspective on the human cost of anti-trans sentiment.

Genres: Nonfiction, Queer

Audible Audio

Published November 4, 2025

Reviews

[Kelly Klehm · Rating 5 out of 5]

read this in a weekend. a glimpse into the decisions and struggles and love in a family with information on the laws and politics aimed at "others". everyone should read it.

[Kuu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this audiobook!

In "And the Dragons Do Come", Sim Butler speaks about his journey as the father of a transgender daughter, who came out before entering primary school.

As a nonbinary individual myself, and remembering very well the ways in which my family reacted when I first came out (some better, some worse), I appreciated how ready Butler was to stand up for his daughter, especially in situations in which she could not do so for herself, as well as his reflections on the choices he made both when raising her and in the process of writing this book (such as using a pseudonym for her, against her will, but in concern for her safety - originally, he planned to use her name, but changed his mind in light of recent political events, so as to allow her a possibility to be stealth if needed). Through Butler's back-and-forth with himself and his constant questioning of his choices and the motives behind these choices, I also gained insight into the other side of being a transgender child, that of HAVING a transgender child and the concerns that come along with it. Reading this book, I feel very happy for Kate that she has him as her father (like, he prepared a 100-page-document on studies on transgender youth and gender dysphoria to show to a teacher who kept misgendering her. That's amazing).

Another aspect I appreciated was the discussions of everyday aspects of their life, some of them only affected minimally by Kate's being transgender, others being made much more difficult, mainly due to the attitudes of people around them. Additionally, while much of the information was already known to me, I think that Butler's mention of research, statistics etc. when discussing his daughter's experiences, connecting the science and the real-life manifestation of it, will be very valuable to people who are somewhat curious about the issue, but not very educated, and unsure about what is and isn't true in the increasingly polarised "transgender debate" (I hate calling it that, but it sadly is what it is). He manages to include the science without sounding condescending or preachy, but instead just like a concerned father, which I think is more likely to reach the people that don't already place themselves on the "pro-trans" side.

Butler describes his family's journey with honesty and compassion, showing not only the ways in which he was a great father, but also the ways in which he messed up, and the ways in which he constantly questions himself and his choices, admitting honestly when his worries are based more in himself than in the wellbeing of his daughter. This honesty was refreshing and very appreciated.

[Gi Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

And the Dragons Do Come is an eloquent and honest account of raising a transgender child in the American South. It was hard not to stay engaged by the author’s voice, passion, and advocacy. He was respectful about keeping his daughter’s identity private; he used his experience as a cisgender man to talk about how it affected him, rather than speaking for her.

The author is deeply informed about transgender laws and uses concrete evidence and years of research to prove it. He admits when he is wrong, and is willing to stand up for what is right by using his knowledge and privilege. It was interesting to hear about a trans child who knew she was a girl by the time she was in early elementary school. Although there were moments of doubt, it was a pleasure to read how Butler and his family went out of their way to ensure that she was supported and respected from a young age. This feels like the bare minimum but is rarely the case, as is presented in this book. Although it includes important moments of trans joy, the message is truly devastating. Please be in a place that allows you to process heavy topics safely before you dive into this book. That being said, I believe every person would benefit from reading this raw, heartbreaking, and frankly much needed personal history, regardless of political affiliation or “opinion.” You will learn something.

Thank you to NetGalley and The New Press for providing me with access to this ARC. #NetGalley

[Kayleigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

And the Dragons Do Come is a heart wrenching and honest telling of raising a transgender child in rural America. Butler is raising his daughter, who came out as transgender at six years old, in Alabama and navigating the complexities of educating his family and community on her needs, balancing advocating for her without speaking for her.

Butler shares his experiences navigating the church, schools, and community spaces that were so important to their lives and how they weren't always knowledgeable or welcoming to their family. He speaks with honesty about his fears, faults, and the moments he's made mistakes.

Butler opens up about some of the larger obstacles currently happening- legislation banning trans athletes, gender affirming health care, and the stream of anti-trans legislation happening- particularly in his home state of Alabama.

I loved the voice that Butler uses, his experiences as a debate professor and coach shines through. He is concise but passionate in his words and you can tell that at the heart of all of it, he's a father trying to support his kids the best way he knows how.

An absolutely beautiful read.

And the Dragons Do Come is due to be published 11/04/2025 and I received an advanced copy in exchange for my review.

[Camil]

This title is part of my 'Best Titles of the Year' selection.
The more iconic.

(Thank you to the publishersssss for the e-arc!)

[Lilly Larson · Rating 5 out of 5]

In awe. This book taught me so much and I am grateful to have read it. I felt every emotion; I cried, I smiled, I laughed, I held a fist in anger, I cheered, I bit my tongue to stop from cursing out loud. I will read it again and again and still feel it all.

[Ava Olender · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is phenomenal. It was a very well thought out account of what it’s like to raise a transgender child in the U.S. and in a red state. It opened my eyes to a lot of politics and anti-trans legislation that has happened in our county especially since 2016. The story of Sim and his daughter is one that isn’t told loud enough.

[Marjan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about a family’s fierce, unconditional love. When their daughter came out as transgender at just six years old, Sim Butler and his family started a journey that many parents could never imagine—but every parent should be ready for.

Butler shares what it was like to navigate school, church, and community spaces that weren’t always welcoming. He’s honest and vulnerable about the fears, the confusion and the love that kept them going. He doesn't shy away from mentioning the mistakes he's made along the way. His family’s story makes the idea of advocacy so much more human and relatable—it’s about love in action.

There are a lot of incredible books out there written by transgender and non-binary people about their own experiences, but hearing this story from a parent’s perspective was really eye-opening. It helped me see what families go through when they’re trying to do the right thing and support a child who just wants to be themselves.

Butler also talks about the bigger picture—bans on trans athletes, attacks on gender-affirming health care, and the wave of anti-trans bills being passed in states like Alabama. As a professor and debate coach, he articulates his opinions very clearly and refers to numerous studies to back up his arguments.

As someone who doesn’t live in the U.S., I honestly find it heartbreaking. I keep asking myself, how can this be happening in the 21st century? It feels like the country is moving backward, year after year.

This book is one every parent—and anyone thinking about becoming one—should read. It’s a reminder that raising a child means being ready to love them for who they are, no matter what. If you’re not ready to do that, then you’re not ready to bring a child into this world.

My favourite quote from the book that keeps being proven right over and over:
"Winning the argument with logic is not always the path to changing someone's mind. If I was going to protect my child, I had to get them out of that environment."

Thank you NetGalley and Brilliance Audio for the advanced audiobook in exchange for my honest review.

[Nereis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I usually don't like rating non fiction works but this one was an easy five stars for me.

First of all, I'm a nonbinary individual who came out around 20yo so I can relate somewhat to the subject but my experience is nothing like Butler's daughter.

Butler does an excellent job at weaving together his daughter's story, his struggles with it, and society's struggles with transgender individuals. You could say that he talks about himself a lot but I would argue that is the main point of the work : to have the poing of view of the cis parent of a transgender child.

I think the opening chapter really tells you everything to know when it comes to the care put into this book. The time spent on names, what they convey, why they matter, really stuck with me. I appreciated how much time Butler is willing to spend on context and comparisons to really convey his point. It's really persuasive.

His daughter is lucky to have him as a father because he was already somewhat educated on the matter and is willing to fight for her but it was also really refreshing to really get into his self reflection and to see him admit that even if he did his best he still failed sometimes and could have done and thought better. Also great to see people acknowledge their privileges and reflect on that.

I think it is a great book to give to parents of transgender children, but also to anyone who knows someone who is not cis. Even as a trans person myself, who did not transition as a kid, I still got a lot from it.

The world sucks, but there are still people fighting for it.

Thank you NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book.

[Lisa Deborah · Rating 5 out of 5]

And the Dragons Do Come is a profound and deeply moving memoir that sheds light on one of the most urgent civil rights issues of our time. Sim Butler writes with remarkable clarity, courage, and tenderness as he recounts his family’s journey raising a transgender daughter in rural Alabama. This is not just a story of hardship, it is a story of fierce love, resilience, and the unbreakable bond between a parent and a child.

From the very first chapter, Butler’s honesty pulls you in. He reveals the emotional, legal, and social battles his family endured as anti-trans legislation tightened around them. What makes this book especially powerful is how personal it is. This is not abstract politics, this is a family fighting for their child’s right to safety, dignity, and joy. The pain of watching their daughter be excluded from sports, denied basic rights, and publicly targeted is heartbreaking, yet Butler narrates everything with grace and unwavering devotion.

The memoir also offers a rare, essential glimpse into how hostile policies affect real families. Butler illustrates the human cost behind headlines, showing the fear, confusion, and frustration, but also the love, laughter, and moments of triumph that sustain them. His daughter’s courage shines through the pages, making her a symbol of hope in a time of increasing division.

This book is not only a call for compassion, it’s a testament to the power of family and the importance of standing up for what is right. Emotional, urgent, and unforgettable, And the Dragons Do Come is a must-read.

[Mim_Who _Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

And the Dragons Do Come by Sim Butler is a powerful and deeply personal look at what it means to raise a transgender child in a place where acceptance isn’t guaranteed. The author shares his family’s experiences with honesty, detailing the everyday challenges of navigating schools, churches, and laws that systemically push them to the margins. His writing captures both the fear and the determination of a parent doing everything possible to protect his daughter while helping others understand her reality. This one was quite moving and it isn't just a memoir. I think it's definitely a social reflection and a love letter to a child who deserves safety and dignity.

What makes this book especially strong is Butler’s willingness to show his uncertainties and mistakes alongside his advocacy. He doesn’t try to come across as perfect. Instead, he focuses on the learning process of parenting through compassion and persistence. The book also ties personal moments to larger social issues in a way that feels accessible and real, not academic. It’s emotional, sometimes painful, but ultimately hopeful. It's a moving reminder of what allyship and parenthood can look like when lived with empathy and conviction. I highly recommend this one!

I had a ALC thanks to NetGalley, and the narrator did a great job at delivering the story. Thank you NetGalley and Brilliance Publishing | Brilliance Audio for the ALC.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s a heartbreaking story told by the father of a transgender daughter. He walks you through their family’s journey from the moment they chose a name for their baby, to when, very early in life, their child realized she was trapped in a boy’s body. That’s when the real challenges began for the whole family.

I’ve always known that being transgender must be incredibly difficult, but being a transgender as a child and teen is even more complicated. And trying to navigate it all within a society that still feels almost medieval in its racism and sexism adds another unbearable layer of hardship.

I have to give huge credit to the author for the narration. The book is beautifully written and read - tender and loving when he talks about his daughter, but strong and resolute when addressing lawmakers. The subtle Southern accent in the narration adds even more warmth and authenticity.

That said, I can’t say the book was particularly surprising or deeply engaging for me. After reading the synopsis, I already had a good idea of what to expect, and the story mostly circled around familiar themes. I truly sympathize with the Butler family and the challenges they faced, but the book itself didn’t hold my attention as much as I had hoped.

[Jayna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is very well written. It can really make you understand what families with transgender children go through- the complicated feelings and decisions, and that is before factoring the outside world. I think this book really evokes empathy for the reader. Unfortunately, I also think that those who need to read it most won't.

While I have no friends or family who is transgender, I am an ally. This book had me engrossed* and I read it quickly.

*The only part that had me less enthralled is when the author started going into laws in various states- and naming them by their legal name/number. It was harder to focus on this chapter. However, I still think the book is overall powerful enough to deserve 5 stars.

David de Vries narrates the audiobook and does a really good job. I do wonder why the author didn't narrate though, as he is well versed in public speaking.
On a personal note, I loved David de Vries's accent. I am a Midwesterner who lived in the south for a period of time. I've missed hearing the accent. And his is pretty pronounced- especially when saying "school".

I received an advance audio copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Jessica Mather · Rating 4 out of 5]

And The Dragons Do Come is as heartwarming as it is heartbreaking. It tells of a father who goes on a journey to support his daughter's social and later medical transition from male to female. His support and love in the heart of rural Alabama is truly inspiring, including almost an audition process to choose which church his family went to.

While Kate receives a huge amount of love and support from a very young age, she and her family are faced with the law - illegal to provide gender affirming healthcare among other things.
Butler talks about his own struggles as they raise their daughter in this world, and provides sound and useful advice to be supportive toward trans children. He does ask and answer the question about whether it is a phase,and he does this in a tactful way.
Seeing Kate advocate for trans rights, and hearing the pride (and worry) in Simon's words makes the book feel complete.

For anyone interested in trans rights,whether for personal or general interest, this is absolutely a book for you.

Thank you to Netgalley and Brilliance Publishing for the ALC of this book. I found it eye opening, heartwarming, and scary all at the same time.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book! So much I could sigh and nod at. That the Butler family wanted to do the best for their child is incredibly obvious in this book. The horrors they have gone through together as family should be known by every single person who wants to deny a transgender person their personhood. That all being said, this book felt very unfocused. So many side stories popping up, and sometimes it felt more like the author was trying to unburden himself versus tell the story of raising their child. I think I would have approached and accepted this book a little more had it been framed as the father's memoir versus a book on parenting and families. This isn't a how-to or even a how-not-to. I think anyone with a transgender person in their lives would benefit from reading this. And anyone who wants to disregard a transgender person, especially a child, definitely would benefit from reading this book!

Thanks to NetGalley and The New Press for a copy of the book. This review is my own opinion.

[Ashleigh Carter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why I got it: I saw this on NetGalley and I was drawn to it. Reading how someone in rural America is raising a transgender child, is something I wanted to hear about.

Why I read it: I finally had the time to devote to it, but I also had a deadline to meet since it comes out 11/4.

What I liked: This is a great listen. A great book. A tough topic. I genuinely appreciated the inside look on how a family in Alabama faces the dragons with their child who is trans. As a parent of a child who has struggled with gender identity, this is close to my heart. I am lucky that I don’t live in an a red state, but I live in a red area. The challenges they face are ones I have been prepared to battle as needed as my child considers their identity. The love this family has for their child, the support they show, is astounding and inspiring. Excellent read. Great research on the best practices to support transgender people.

[Devin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think everyone should read And The Dragons Do Come. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. This story is heartbreaking, educational, and beautifully written. Sim Butler has a very unique perspective as a parent and an incredibly well informed individual. One of the many reasons I like to knit while I read is that my knit pieces bring me back to favorite moments in books whenever I see or wear them. I’m grateful that this cowl (picture with Instagram review) will serve not only as a reminder to reflect back on the Butler family’s story, but also on the importance of being a vocal ally in my community. 💛 Thank you to @NetGalley, the author, and the publisher for the audio ARC. This one is out Tuesday (11/4).

[Novels With Nat · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such an informative memoir that did a great job of discussing the issues of trans rights with both logic and emotion. I loved the section towards the beginning that focused on names and identity. My only critique would be that there were some tangents that made the delivery of the story lack focus. I sometimes felt like the book would have benefitted from either choosing to commit fully to being a family memoir or a book on trans issues and education. Overall, a very insightful read.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the advanced audiobook in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

[Brielle Weber · Rating 5 out of 5]

“The relationship between who someone is and what we call them is often a contested place”

When I was in undergrad, I learned about how to ask folks for their pronouns and use those pronouns intentionally as a sign of respect and affirming their identity. At first, it felt hard because it was different, but now almost a decade later, it’s no big thing. I so appreciate people that can learn something new, practice it, and then let it become part of their everyday habits and being.

The Dragons Do Come was full of so much introspection, learning, and integrating new ways of being for the author, Sim Butler. Instead of clinging meaninglessly to the expectations and dreams we might have for our children, the core question of this book asks, what if we just listened to our children, believed what they were telling and showing us, and still continued to protect them fiercely? This can be in reference to really anything, but this book does it through the lens of a raising a trans child in rural America.

I very much appreciated this family, especially the father, who was so willing to protect and advocate for his daughter. The story was so rich with real experiences, emotions, and evidence. And so full of heart. I throughly enjoyed this book and recommend it for anyone who is interested in helping advocate for a better and more inclusive world.

✨4.5 rounded up.

Thank you NetGalley and Brilliance audio for this arc. The Dragons Do Come comes out November 4, 2025.

[Rachel Morrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so many things - an exploration of what it means to be trans in the South; an opportunity to challenge the various arguments people and politicians make against gender affirming care; an ominous warning about the utter shitstorm that is hurdling towards ALL of our freedoms in the future; a social commentary on the importance of community - and god help me this feels so cheesy but at its heart, this feels like a love letter from a father to his daughter. and ain’t that what life is all about?

⭐️: 4.75
📕: Ebook through Denver Public Library

[Brent McCollister · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a heartbreaking and rage inducing read. It is well written and a very important book but please be in the right mindset if/when you read this book.

[J R · Rating 5 out of 5]

gripping, sincere, elegant, and effective memoir about the protagonist, his daughers and wife, adn their experiences. 5 stars. tysm for the arc.

[Terra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a moving, informative, and ultimately inspiring read. Butler is a great writer who tells his family's story in a compelling and relatable way.

[Debi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heart-breaking, yet hopeful. Both serious and funny. This book needs to be read and shared. Lives depend on it. Thank you, Sim Butler!