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Ticker
Ticker begins at the Marquee Club, a strip joint in downtown Philadelphia in the Summer of 1991. Merlino was working as the M.C. Late one Saturday, a funny looking little guy walks in and throws five $100 on the bar. “I’m a standup,” the kid announces. “The money is yours, if the crowd doesn’t like me.” The kid is Bernie Turkowski. Stan accepts and Ticker puts on one of the best routines he’s ever witnessed.
(The completed manuscript alternates between 1991/92, and the present as Stan seeks his friend and deals with his cancer. The narratives converge at the end.)
Before Merlino can pay off the bet, the police raid the Club and Ticker fast-talks his way out of being arrested. Bernie then shows up at City Hall and wins everyone’s freedom by embarrassing the district attorney. The episode earns him a job and a nickname. After he finished on stage, Merlino told the kid, “You were ticking like a Swiss watch, Ticker.” The young guy adopted the name Ticker Turner and the two became brothers.
While he was waiting to go on that first night, Ticker was captivated by Marcie Coulter, one of the dancers. About half of the book involves Ticker’s efforts to win Marcie over.
Maxie the “Fish” Finegarten, a Family hanger-on, decides that Ticker could use his “representation.” Fish books him at the Starling Bar, a nearby gay club. Ticker bombs, but the comic improvs and ends up killing.
The Starling’s MC is so impressed that he offers to have a friend who works as a talent scout for a TV show, check out Ticker’s act. The friend is a booker for the Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson. Carson is retiring after 30 years. Ticker does an improv routine that gets him booked to be Carson’s last comedy discovery.
After Ticker is scheduled on Tonight, Dominic Tartaglia announces he’s arranged for Ticker to perform at “Family” clubs around the country. The Don intends to make Ticker America’s “mob comic.”
In the present, Merlino’s cancer is progressing, and he’s frustrated with his unsuccessful efforts to find his friend. Finally, he decides to produce a televised “farewell extravaganza” that will hopefully, draw Ticker to find him.
In 1992, Marcie and Stan accompany Ticker to Burbank, California, for the Tonight Show. Ticker is so good his appearance becomes one of the mostly popular segments ever aired on the late-night talk show.
Marcie and Ticker decide to take some time to, “see the tourist sights” in Hollywood while Stan returns to the Marquee. Stan eventually gets an email from Ticker telling him that they won’t be returning to Philadelphia. He says that Marcie means far more to him than telling jokes.
Since the first night at the Marquee, Ticker had Stan use a camcorder to record the comedian’s routines because so much of the material Ticker did was improvised.
When Marcie and Ticker announce that they won’t be returning to Philly, the comic tells his friend to take all of the videotapes he’s made for the him and use Ticker’s material as his own. Stan used Turner’s material to kick start his journey to success as a standup.
The story moves to Stan’s farewell event in the present. The guest of honor is nowhere to be found. Stan, who’s health has been declining and he is hanging on. Then Stan hears a knock on his dressing room door.
When Stan opens the door, there’s a middle-aged guy holding five $100 bills in his hand. “They’re yours,” Ticker says to Stan, “if the crowd doesn’t like me.
(The completed manuscript alternates between 1991/92, and the present as Stan seeks his friend and deals with his cancer. The narratives converge at the end.)
Before Merlino can pay off the bet, the police raid the Club and Ticker fast-talks his way out of being arrested. Bernie then shows up at City Hall and wins everyone’s freedom by embarrassing the district attorney. The episode earns him a job and a nickname. After he finished on stage, Merlino told the kid, “You were ticking like a Swiss watch, Ticker.” The young guy adopted the name Ticker Turner and the two became brothers.
While he was waiting to go on that first night, Ticker was captivated by Marcie Coulter, one of the dancers. About half of the book involves Ticker’s efforts to win Marcie over.
Maxie the “Fish” Finegarten, a Family hanger-on, decides that Ticker could use his “representation.” Fish books him at the Starling Bar, a nearby gay club. Ticker bombs, but the comic improvs and ends up killing.
The Starling’s MC is so impressed that he offers to have a friend who works as a talent scout for a TV show, check out Ticker’s act. The friend is a booker for the Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson. Carson is retiring after 30 years. Ticker does an improv routine that gets him booked to be Carson’s last comedy discovery.
After Ticker is scheduled on Tonight, Dominic Tartaglia announces he’s arranged for Ticker to perform at “Family” clubs around the country. The Don intends to make Ticker America’s “mob comic.”
In the present, Merlino’s cancer is progressing, and he’s frustrated with his unsuccessful efforts to find his friend. Finally, he decides to produce a televised “farewell extravaganza” that will hopefully, draw Ticker to find him.
In 1992, Marcie and Stan accompany Ticker to Burbank, California, for the Tonight Show. Ticker is so good his appearance becomes one of the mostly popular segments ever aired on the late-night talk show.
Marcie and Ticker decide to take some time to, “see the tourist sights” in Hollywood while Stan returns to the Marquee. Stan eventually gets an email from Ticker telling him that they won’t be returning to Philadelphia. He says that Marcie means far more to him than telling jokes.
Since the first night at the Marquee, Ticker had Stan use a camcorder to record the comedian’s routines because so much of the material Ticker did was improvised.
When Marcie and Ticker announce that they won’t be returning to Philly, the comic tells his friend to take all of the videotapes he’s made for the him and use Ticker’s material as his own. Stan used Turner’s material to kick start his journey to success as a standup.
The story moves to Stan’s farewell event in the present. The guest of honor is nowhere to be found. Stan, who’s health has been declining and he is hanging on. Then Stan hears a knock on his dressing room door.
When Stan opens the door, there’s a middle-aged guy holding five $100 bills in his hand. “They’re yours,” Ticker says to Stan, “if the crowd doesn’t like me.
258 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 26, 2025
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