Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane

by Lindy West

In bestselling author Lindy West’s most ambitious book yet, she takes readers along on an uproarious cross-country road trip as she unpacks her last few tumultuous years, rediscovers herself, and reinvents her marriage in the process.

Through Shrill, the book and then the Hulu series, Lindy West became an inspiration. To this day she is stopped on the street and hailed as a beacon of empowerment by women who felt badly for not conforming to the categories deemed acceptable—thin, straight, compliant. But behind the scenes, Lindy never felt like she was the self-actualized woman fans made her out to be. When she found herself in the throes of a deep depression, with her marriage and sense of self-worth hanging in the balance, she knew she needed to make a change.
 
In ADULT BRACES, Lindy shares the story of her rock bottom, and of the solo cross-country road trip she took to claw her way out of it. With her trademark candor and sense of humor, she examines her post-Shrill emotional implosion, her shifting feelings about traditional marriage, and her search for her long-lost self. She also tracks the highs and lows of her journey, from eye-opening natural wonders and kitschy roadside attractions to lackluster excursions and campground epiphanies. The result is an engaging and laugh-out-loud narrative of becoming as Lindy transforms from a passenger into the active navigator of her own life.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Humor, Feminism, Travel, Essays

336 pages, Hardcover

First published March 10, 2026

About the author

Lindy West is the author of three books: the New York Times bestselling memoir Shrill as well as the essay collections The Witches Are Coming and Shit, Actually.

Lindy is a former contributing opinion writer for the New York Times and her work has appeared in This American Life, The Guardian, Cosmopolitan, GQ, Vulture, Jezebel, and others. She is the co-host of the comedy podcast Text Me Back and the author of the e-mail newsletter Butt News. Lindy was a writer and executive producer on Shrill, the Hulu comedy adapted from her memoir, and she co-wrote and produced the independent feature film Thin Skin.

She lives on the Olympic Peninsula in rural Washington state.

source: Amazon

Reviews

[Jessie · Rating 3 out of 5]

release this woman from the shackles of a male centric life

[BansheeBibliophile · Rating 2 out of 5]

I almost never rate a memoir lower than three stars because part of me just thinks I really don't have the right. Who am I to judge someone else's vulnerable expression of self through writing?

That being said, I really didn't enjoy this book and wish I hadn't bothered. I am familiar with some of West's previous works and enjoyed the television adaptation, Shrill. I knew to expect a strong, opinionated feminist voice and that is definitely here. I also thought I was going to get a lot more road trip and self-discovery...

...what I ended up with was a LOT of red flags about West's relationship with her husband and how he betrayed her and forced her hand into a polyamorous relationship that she is very clear she did not want. The author spends a lot of time explaining how *she* is the problem (in all ways and in all things, which grew tiresome) and eventually rationalizes the whole matter into what she portrays as full acceptance and a resignation that somehow turned to complete bliss and her realizing she is bisexual. (This only after her husband had already begun a new serious relationship with a younger female partner he wished to join their marriage.) Call me a skeptic, but there was just a lot here that made no sense. It would be easy to call me a "hater" but I'm all for ethical non-monogamy that is practiced with respect and informed consent. The relationship described in this memoir may have evolved to that place but it for sure didn't start there and I have trouble reconciling the strong feminist voice of her past works with the way she presents herself in this book.

I wish the author all the best and I sincerely hope that she can let go of her deep-rooted fear of abandonment and perpetual self-doubt and live happily ever after in the way that best serves HER. 2.5 stars

[Seymour Glass · Rating 3 out of 5]

EDIT: Insane coda to this review! The writer Saachi Koul wrote a profile of Lindy for Slate to publicise this book, and in it she referred to Lindy's husband Aham not being present at the time because he was away with his girlfriend on a work project. Aham then sent an angry, abusive email to Saachi Koul calling her "a shitty fucking person, a bitter, untalented mean girl" who "fucking sucks". Again, this is because Saachi described him as being "away on a shared project" during her interview with Lindy.
IT GETS WORSE. Just when you thought this whole situation couldn't get more American-liberal-coded, Aham said his whole email to Saachi was a typo and what he meant to say was "Free Palestine".
This is what happens when a narcissist gets publicly called-out. Suddenly everyone but them is a vicious monster out to get them and they are the poor, beleaguered victim in the middle of it all, just trying to do the right thing. If you were hoping this incident might open Lindy's eyes a little, I'm sorry to report that she is refusing to address Aham's abusive tirade against Saachi and thinks all the online criticism of the book is coming from people who haven't read it.
BABES, I PROMISE I'VE READ IT. YOU NEED TO RUN.
~~~

“Was I actually attracted to Roya, or was I just relieved to find a loophole that let me stay in my fucked-up marriage because I was too scared to be alone?” - YOU ARE SCARED TO BE ALONE, LINDY. YOU WILL PUT UP WITH ANY AMOUNT OF BULLSHIT TO KEEP THIS DREADFUL MAN. It does not take genius to figure this out! ARGH. (This will be spoiler-y so look away if you've somehow managed to avoid the thousand think-pieces and articles and podcasts and TikTok videos about this.)

I LOVE Lindy West. Shrill is one of the best, funniest, funnest books I've ever read and The Witches Are Coming felt like such an affirming thing to read in the wake of MeToo. But despite being very funny in places this book just made me sad.
My friend, knowing that I was a fan of Lindy, sent me that awful video she, Aham, and Roya made talking about their throuple in their underwear a few years ago and I was so shocked and heartbroken to see my fearless, witty, feminist icon reduced to tears as she sat next to her blank-faced husband and talked about how she had never felt loved and felt "like trash". I couldn't understand how someone as intelligent as Lindy couldn't see what a toxic and painful situation she had conned herself into accepting. It never fails to shock me when people who are bright and clever and perceptive have a massive blind spot when it comes to themselves and their own motivations.
Also, I am not anti-nonmonogamy at all! I think it suits a vanishingly small number of people really well and makes them happy. But this book is the HOW-NOT-TO of nonmonogamy and I don't think that's clear enough. There's way too much justification of what goes on here. Betrayal is betrayal, even when it's dressed up in progressive ideals, and the deep, devastating, and long-term damage that betrayal does isn't erased by riding off into the sunset at the end.

I obviously couldn't resist reading this but since reading the Slate piece in which Lindy says she needs this book to do well because "it has to tide us over financially for the next few years" (US BEING HER, AHAM, AND ROYA) I decided that I'd be returning it to Amazon as soon as I read it. I can't, in good conscience, fund this horrible situation. (There's a point at which Lindy buys honey from a guy she assumes is a Trump voter and feels bad that she's giving money to someone whose politics she doesn't support. I guess this is me doing the same thing!)
Twitter sleuths have discovered that Lindy also pays Aham's alimony and child support? I mean, I can't verify that, but having read this book I wouldn't be at all surprised - she's so in thrall to this manipulative, narcissistic man.

I’m frustrated by the way that she goes from making lighthearted jokes about OnlyFans on page 155 to lamenting the ridiculously high rate of school shootings in the USA on page 156. Does protection of children only matter when supporting an approved left-wing cause (gun control) rather than a too-radically-feminist-to-be-cool cause? Does this count as another example of lack of self awareness? Or, even worse, is it an unwillingness to admit that sometimes the right thing isn’t the ‘cool’ thing?
The ‘cool’ thing is to support OnlyFans and the normalisation of porn and selling women and children’s bodies. The ‘cool’ thing is to be okay with your husband sleeping around and lying about it.
The right thing is to reject OnlyFans and leave your shit husband.
She talks confidently about how “conservatism correlates with fear” but doesn’t seem to connect her own fear-based decision to remain with Aham. It’s a tiny step but she can’t make it.

I half want to hug her and comfort her and half want to shake her and say "YOU'RE A FEMINIST. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY PUT UP WITH THIS TREATMENT?" But feminists aren't perfect, and we can aim to live a feminist life while still making deeply patriarchal, self-sabotaging decisions. Even when we are exceptionally smart, like Lindy. It's disappointing. Does misogyny really have such a chokehold on even the best of us? Apparently.

Despite all this, and the many sad moments when she describes Aham's horrible treatment of her, she's still very funny and I laughed out loud more than once - the snorkelling chapter made me cry tears of laughter. She's still an excellent writer, and it's great fun to spend time in her company. But I have to knock off 2 stars and return this book for POLITICAL AND SOCIOLOGICAL REASONS. As a young feminist, I used to read Lindy as if she was instructive in some way, someone to look up to and follow. I don't want any young (or not so young) feminists now to do the same. This is not a healthy way to be. I'm glad that she seems to have found some happiness in her current set-up but that doesn't justify any of the pain she went through to get there. And she still seems remarkably male-centred and focussed on male validation. She actually notes down all the times when she gets hit on on her road trip. GIRL. WHAT THE FUCK. STOP IT.

I look forward to reading her divorce memoir a few years from now when she finally manages to let go of Aham (and maybe runs off with Roya?) after realising she doesn't need him anymore and, in fact, never did.

[Lis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Literally 80% of this book is Lindy going on a cross country journey while sharing how her husband Aham hurt her (he broke the rules of their polyamorous agreement, a polyamorous agreement she didn’t even want in the first place, he had a second girlfriend other than Roya who lived down the street!), and being honest about how hurt, unloved, and alone her husband made her feel. On page 231 her friend Jessie even says: “No, babe, that’s not how polyamory is supposed to work.”

Her husband and his girlfriend Roya invite her to join their relationship and she likes feeling included and wanted (who doesn’t!). But she’s an introspective person so she considers, “It was probable, not just possible, that I was making Aham’s polyamory feel safe by inserting myself into it.” And she asks herself, “Was I actually attracted to Roya, or was I just relieved to find a loophole that let me stay in my fucked-up marriage because I was too scared to be alone?”

If she’s happy in her throuple that’s wonderful! To love and be loved is the best part of life. But objectively her husband didn’t treat her well, and she spent a lot of time trying to blame herself for his poor behavior. And now online she’s upset with everyone who thinks he kind of sucks. Just live your life, Lindy. You showed us who your husband is and we believed you. We don’t have to forgive him like you did.

[Melinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

At this point I’m basically only a librarian so I can get access to Lindy West ARCs.

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ever have a friend date or marry a walking red flag and all you can do is nod and smile while they talk about them because you know they'd flip their shit if you voiced your concern? That's what reading this book is like.

[Chels]

I was familiar with and liked Lindy but I still didn't plan on reading this book. It seemed like it would make me sad or angry or irritated. But the gossip around it snowballed into something really intense and destructive, and after reading maybe four or five bad faith takedowns of this memoir on Substack and The Atlantic, I thought it wouldn't be fair if I let those people color my opinion of the book.

First, not every takedown of Adult Braces is bad faith, but I want to highlight a specific type of person purporting to want better for Lindy West. In the book, Lindy writes about how her (now) husband only agreed to reconcile with her if their relationship could be polyamorous, and Lindy agrees to this despite hating the idea. At the end of the road trip, she comes to terms with her husband's girlfriend, Roya, and they form a throuple. Roya and Aham (her husband) did not come across well in the memoir, and made the discourse even worse by sending catty emails to Scaachi Koul at Slate after a she published a really even-handed profile they found insufficiently glowing.

But a lot of these viral pieces purporting to care about Lindy's wellbeing have a thinly-veiled anti-trans agenda that I find really alarming! Aham is nonbinary, so they sneer at him using he/they as a shield to avoid criticism. I don't know how to tell you this but nonbinary people are also manipulative, and shitty, and cruel sometimes! The pronouns (which most people *famously* don't respect!) don't work as a shield for bad behavior, instead they just add fuel to the fire for people who are already skeptical of gender non-conformity. Meg Keene's viral Substack piece was the first of this mode I encountered, saying that Aham uses they/them now, but because West used he/him pronouns in the book she would stick with that "for consistency." First of all, he was using he/they by the time she wrote the book, either pronoun is fine. But I snagged on the implication that your pronouns are immutable, that if past you was a he/him but you preferred "they" now, well tough shit, right? If this conclusion sounds ungenerous I assure you it's not: Meg Keene has "Zionist" proudly displayed on her Twitter handle.

She's not the bad faith writer or the worst one! Phoebe Maltz Bovy wrote several Adult Braces takedowns, then posted on her Substack notes about how the Internet had uniformly rejected Aham's excuse of being nonbinary. Digging into Phoebe Maltz Bovy's bylines, she seems to have a history of thinking certain types of queer people are faking it for attention.

Maltz Bovy has a podcast with Kat Rosenfield called Feminine Chaos! where they discussed Adult Braces with Leigh Stein. Kat Rosenfield writes for THE FREE PRESS!!!!! and wrote a takedown of the memoir in Barry Weiss's newsletter, which I will not read. Leigh Stein also has another viral piece on Adult Braces, which is thankfully not transphobic as far as I can tell but is such a parasocial bit of concern trolling that she should be embarrassed, frankly. She should also be embarrassed to go on a podcast with a woman who writes for The Free Press!

Then there's Helen Lewis in The Atlantic , one of the many people that made Lindy West the sole face of Millennial Feminism, then put her on public trial for her sins. In this case, for thinking children shouldn't be on weight loss drugs while holding the belief that children can also be trans.

"My word on my own life should be sufficient—there it is. This, to put it bluntly, is not how medical diagnoses work, or I would have had a brain tumor 15 times so far. But it is the Millennial mantra—I am the captain of my ship, the author of my life, the protagonist of reality. Incidentally, this is the same logic that uncritically affirms young children’s assertions that they are the opposite sex. That position is also part of the progressive package endorsed by West, despite her writing this about GLP-1 prescriptions for adolescents: “Wegovy has been approved for children as young as twelve, when we don’t even know the long-term physical effects, let alone the mental ones.” Wow, sounds like we should be very careful about powerful, life-altering drugs and probably not accuse anyone who has questions about them of secretly wanting chubby kids to die."

So all of this is to say, a lot of these people who are telling you that Lindy West is so awful, that her book is an embarrassing relic of overeager and misguided 2010s progressivism, are people who have a vested interest in moving you to the right. This is a single memoir by a woman who is and was clearly going through some shit, nobody deserves to be crucified by the public as an example of everything wrong with society.

So with that, let's talk about the book itself. It jumps between flashbacks and present-day, where she's on a cross country road trip to the Key West. I think for me, the combination of road trip book and "what am I doing with my marriage" book was never going to work because Lindy doesn't actually want to tell you what happened. We know, in vague terms, about their arguments, about how Aham betrayed her trust with a neighbor woman and how she considered leaving him. We know that he got together with Roya in secret ("don't ask don't tell" was part of her initial agreement for nonmonogomy, Lindy is quick to tell us. I don't think that means it's totally fine for him to open up his marriage nearly ten years later without a conversation, but I've also read dozens of pieces litigating Aham's questionable and manipulative decision making so I don't feel the need to dive into that too much here), and that Lindy thinks he's replacing her with someone skinnier and more attractive. But this summary I'm giving you is about exactly what you would get from the book: we don't have actual concrete details about who said what or what happened, we only know in great detail how Lindy felt, which is lonely, unlovable, and overwhelmed. When Lindy says she's being overly needy or clingy, all you can help but think is, how? What did you actually do? We have enough of Aham's vague misdeeds to turn him into a villain, but very little of why she loves him. Roya comes off worse, in my opinion. Over the course of the road trip Lindy decides she wants to get to know Roya better. To prove her growing interest, Lindy includes Roya's very cloying, HR style check-in texts that are so impersonal and charmless they made me actively dislike her. So this is what we know of Roya: she texts like a weirdo and she's a small thin mouse woman. (Lindy brings up her weight and size all the time! Maybe I would notice it less if I learned literally anything else about Roya.)

So the relationship aspect of the book is DOA, what about the road trip? Well, I didn't particularly enjoy that either. There's another Adult Braces review in The Atlantic by Tyler Austin Harper that takes her to task for assuming that every white person she encounters in the South is a racist Trump supporter. White people from the North sneering at white people in the South for being backwards is something I'm particularly sensitive to, as a Southerner, but I initially thought this charge was overblown. The first few times she mentions someone's politics, she has proof: a sign, or an off-hand comment. I don't need Lindy West to humanize Trump supporters. That's what the New York Times is for.

But later in the book she goes off the trails. A family is annoying her with their music at a pool, and she makes it very clear that she thinks they are classless hicks, then inexplicably calls them part of a "KKK wedding." Sorry, what?

Towards the end, she and her friend are playing ball with a seven-year old kid that they find cute and soft-spoken. When he turns to leave, they notice he's wearing a Trump t-shirt, then mock him.

My reaction to a child in a Trump t-shirt is honestly just pure sadness! It reminded me of the Louis Theroux documentary about Westboro Baptist Church. At one point, one of the tiny children in the Church is holding a sign that says GOD HATES FAGS or whatever, and then a person in a passing car throws a full can of soda at him. That child isn't old enough to understand what he's doing, but he knows he has to do what his parents told him. Now he's confused and scared by the public's hostile reaction to him, which will most likely bind him even more tightly to his parents and their beliefs. It's devastating and sad! Anyway, that's my reaction, and I think it does not reflect kindly on Lindy that it's not her reaction as well.

(In Savannah she writes about seeing a Confederate statue and reflects on how that's not something she was prepared for, being from the PNW. For someone who is so keenly aware of race everywhere she visits I find this lack of reflection on her home a bit baffling. I've made the drive from Portland to Seattle many times, and the minute you're outside of the cities it's not just Trump country, but Very Scary Hope Your Car Doesn't Break Down Trump Country. Portland as a city is built on anti-Black racism and segregation, and has been called "The Whitest City in America." Seattle has a similar history.)

The strongest bits of the book are when Lindy talks about her experiences working on the set of Shrill, how when she was at her most professionally successful she was getting iced out of the creative process. It's the type of thing that would mess with anyone: a very public victory that rings hollow, that you can't even feel proud of. Shrill also launched Lindy West as one of the country's most prominent fat activists, so she retains that status with all the pitfalls that come with it (For example, all of her choices are now the failures of "Millennial feminism," and not because she is a complex person, like we all are), while not even getting fully supported by the people who profited off her work.

Another really strong part is when she writes about the backlash to her rape joke article in the 2010s. The backlash was so overwhelming, painting this very funny woman as an unfunny wokescold, and that type of reaction has long-lasting effects. This was also back when people didn't really understand that "trolls" are not an irritant, but a mobile class of people who can and will ruin lives and cause public chaos. Gamergate! January 6! On and on and on. You get the impression that Lindy never really recovered from this, and I really, really felt for her.

I mostly didn't enjoy this book, as I expected. I don't think memoirs need to end on catharsis, but it's clear that this one is supposed to. We get to the happy ending, a fulfilling polyamorous relationship in the PNW, but after pages and pages and pages of Lindy's self-loathing I felt cheated by the brief coda of contentment. Lindy is too withholding to tell us how she actually got there, and I suspect that's because her personal growth didn't actually occur during the road trip. She alludes to thinking of the book's title during her road trip, which hints that maybe the purpose of the road trip was to write a book about it. That's not a bad idea, but this isn't Wild. Her trip is not interesting, or insightful, and it tells us very little about Lindy and even less about her partners. She should have scrapped the concept, and written something more honest.

[Rachel Victor]

The writing: Top-notch. The travel writing parts were so good.
The relationship choices: I have reservations but you do you, I guess.
The self-deprecation bordering on self-loathing: I’m worried about you, girl.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now these catchy lyrics from Kokomo, a 1988 Beach Boys song, are stuck in my head!

“Aruba, Jamaica, ooh, I wanna take ya
Bermuda, Bahama, come on, pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego, baby, why don't we go?
Jamaica

Off the Florida Keys
There's a place called Kokomo
That's where you wanna go
To get away from it all”

Lindy West is one cool chick! And she’s a riot! Loving the song Kokomo, she decided to take a road trip headed for Kokomo in the Florida Keys. Right there, she had me! Did the song steer her right? She set out from Seattle in a funky van, excited to see the country, on a quest to learn more about herself. I can just hear Kokomo blaring through the car as she heads East. I’m singing along!

Lindy is not just funny, she’s also smart as a whip, and large. She’s a crusader for big women. In 2019 she wrote about her journey in Shrill, a best-selling memoir that ended up as a TV series.

She talks about the issues of being big in a thin world, but she gives the most airtime to examining her life and chronicling her trip. The thing about her is that she is brutally honest and self-deprecating, and she lays bare her insecurities, anxiety, and sadness for all the world to see. But it’s not all doom and gloom—she also describes some of the good times of her life. She analyzes her self-image, her psychology, her sex life. She has a lot of insight.

One of the main things she is pondering on her trip is the state of her marriage. Her husband had announced that he’s polyamorous and then developed a close relationship with another woman. Lindy describes her reaction to this as well as looking closely at their relationship. She ends up texting all nice-y nice with this other woman. She works through a lot on her adventure.

Oh, and speaking of adventure, it was a kick to see the country through her eyes. She has an absurdist sense of humor, which I appreciate. I loved her visits to obscure towns, her descriptions of excursions, hotels, eavesdropped conversations. Good stuff.

I loved the Kokomo connection beyond words, but there are two other things that completely endeared me to her:

-She’s close buds with Samantha Irby, another funny woman whose books I love.

-She knows of Paula Poundstone, a great comedian who still performs today but was most popular in the 1980s and 1990s. And this is the killer—Lindy talks about Poundstone’s ancient joke about a woman who tore her face open on a lube rack. (I know, that sounds unfunny as all get-out, but you’d have to hear the joke and its setup. Really!!) This is one of my all-time favorite jokes, and I have few that my memory has held on to! I probably mention it once a year. The fact that Lindy has a chapter called “Tore My Soul Open on a Lube Rack” makes it clear that we’re soul sisters, lol! When I read the chapter title, I was stunned. I thought surely she must know the lube rack joke—and I was right! But how very weird that she knows and loves that joke, too!

Lindy is a millennial, so pop culture references and her generation’s sensibilities aren’t always relatable to this antique boomer, but most of the time I didn’t feel left out.

If I had one beef, it’s that the book has a little more angst than humor. But people can’t be funny all the time, especially when their heart hurts. Plus, it’s my own need for pure escapism that has me even noticing this.

If you want a memoir that’s funny, insightful, self-deprecating, and smart, check this book out. And West happens to be a good writer, too! Here are some of her funny chapter titles: Addicted to What the Pepperoni Stick Did, Mid Wife Crisis, and Shy Marshmallow. I could go on. The story about how Lindy came about getting braces as an adult is priceless.

Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy.

Expected publication date: March 10, 2026

[Uma · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a brown woman, I found West's constant whining about white people to be extremely self indulgent and tiresome. This memoir would have been entirely more interesting if she spent time interacting with the midwesterners and southerners that she obviously believes she is intellectually superior to. If she tried to form friendships with people she met on the road, their outside perspectives might have forced her to see what dead weight she has attached herself to with her unemployed husband and his unemployed girlfriend.

[Sarah Bigelow · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5, round up to three.

May this kind of love NEVER find me. 😬

[Caitlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

For decades, Lindy has helped me understand, in such a fundamental way, that I exist and that it’s ok to exist while being fat. But this book is a sexy little beckoning to thrive, too, to challenge ourselves to be truly alive. How often do you finish a book and feel filled with just exuberant love that you wanna take out on the world? Adult Braces is an embarrassment of riches.

I laughed and cried, sometimes at the same time. Lindy is so vulnerable and honest here, as much with her pain as with her joy. She really captures what can be so hard about experiencing fat joy -- that it feels taboo, still, to be joyful in a fat body -- and then she proceeds to say fuck that, and just lavish us with fat joy! I was so grateful to be let in on Lindy's experience of meeting herself in a little camper van as she drove back and forth across this dumb, beautiful country -- her exuberance, and hunger, and desire. It made me feel excited to allow it all, too, not just as an act of resistance but as a very simple, profound reclamation.

Also, don't worry, there are still fart jokes.

[Clong]

Major win for the patriarchy. Straight up sister wives shit. To quote her friend “that is not polyamory, babe.” What sealed it for me was the end, when she talks about the sleeping arrangements. “Me and Roya fight over who gets to sleep in the guest bedroom!” Girl, when does Aham sleep in the guests bedroom?!!! The whole thing felt like mental gymnastics to try to keep her marriage going. I do not think Lindy is being honest with herself, let alone the reader. I understand she was so vulnerable but the math ain’t mathin’. I kept thinking please, I beg of you, one crumb of something this man is bringing to the table other than being “amazing”… and cheating on you with a much younger blonde woman…and not communicating with you when he’s in the hospital…and denying your personhood…and not being able to help out when you’re penniless in key west. If Aham left would Lindy and Roya stay together? There is no evidence given for this beyond “wow, Roya is so good at paying bills on time and labeling leftovers.” You cannot explain this away by saying that monogamous people critiquing your alarmingly lop-sided relationship are just insecure and don’t understand. Girl, we are working with the info (or lack of info) you gave us.

Lastly the emoji part made me want to die with cringe and embarrassment. You could not waterboard that out of me.

[Sylvie Hullinger · Rating 1 out of 5]

oh my god no. girl free yourself. like I guess this was written fine but it’s uncomfortable to read a book that’s supposed to be persuasive from someone who has the self esteem of an inanimate object.

also what is up with bainbridge island making people think they can have two partners

[Alexis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been fat my entire adult life and I loved Lindy's previous work. I'm going to try to be generous and compassionate about the book itself.

The parts of the book that are not about her relationship are great, although I will say that there were times I felt viscerally gut punched. She's still very funny when she wants to be.

Her arc makes more sense in the book than it does in her press. At the same time, she's working through so much. It's not just her marriage, but her sense of self.

She structures her reaction to her husband's actions as part of her journey of self-discovery. She doesn't set herself up as blameless. After all, Aham told her who he is, and she decided to close her eyes.

If it weren't for the non-monogamy angle, this would just be a story of choosing to forgive a cheater, because that's absolutely what he did: It wasn't just Roya, but someone else. She says there was a second woman, and she doesn't give details, but says leaving would have been justified.

The thing about that is, she's leaving so much space for the reader to interpret the worst, and this is a decision that's worsened by the fact that she leaves a lot of other gaps. Yes, she loves Aham. Yes, their enforced segregation during Covid helped rebuild their relationship (Notably, with no other partners, which makes me wonder how well this would have worked otherwise). But she doesn't show why he's so compelling to her.

Roya is barely a person: I know she's thin and cute and organized. That's it.

She frames it as leaving codependency and learning to give up control. And it is, but there's more to it. In an early chapter, she references the law of Jante: that the individual needs to learn they are less important than the collective. I don't know if her intention was to apply this to her relationship, but it sure feels applicable.

So much of the narrative is about her being a people pleaser and subsuming her feelings for the benefit of others, and it feels like her relationship decisions are doing that too.

As much as she describes her trip in terms of self liberation, I never fully got the sense that she HAS learned what makes her happy, or that she's learned to stop making herself small. Fat women are taught to believe we can't expect better.

Her barbs about how yes, she is partnered with two thin people feel... pointed in the wrong way. I can't tell you she's not happy! Maybe she really is. Maybe what I felt were contradictions within her narrative were unintentional. All I can tell you is how she and Aham and Roya come across in her own words. And I didn't feel happy for her at the end. I felt like she's only dug halfway through her own psyche.

[Melki · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Why couldn't he just love me? Is it really so bad to have a slow, fat wife when she offers as much as I do?"

After finding out her husband is practicing polyamory with his sights set on maybe adding a sister wife, Lindy goes on a trip of self discovery to "loosen up" and "have experiences."

She heads for Key West in a borrowed van while she contemplates the state of her union. She has those experiences, though I wish she'd shared more of them. There are great one-liners aplenty: "She looked like someone who was made in a lab at the Malibu Colony to become Rod Stewart's ex-wife . . . " , and there's plenty of fun to be had on this road trip of self-discovery.

Will Lindy ditch the philandering mister, join a thruple, or maybe even a convent?

You'll have to read to find out.


Thanks to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for sharing.

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Drawn in by the takes, I thought reading the book would reveal something deeper than the scandy headlines. It did not.

West still writes powerfully about being fat, and her grapples with confidence and intimacy — those were the best parts of this book.

But who is Roya beyond a tiny frail goth who sends some HR-esque check in texts while their partner is in the hospital? We never learn! In this memoir, she remains her husband’s (nice) girlfriend. My takeaway: understanding their poly relationship is none of my business.

Also, the voice note vibe interludes have got to go. They were so meandering! It was unreadable.

[Cherié Burgett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for the early read. While I have enjoyed Lindy West's work in the past, this one was not for me. I expected a funny book, but there wasn’t a single point where I even chuckled. Instead, I finished the book feeling deeply sad.

I’m glad that Lindy says she’s happy, and I truly hope that she is. However, much of the situation described in the book left me feeling like she may have been manipulated into doing what her husband wanted out of fear of losing him. Reading about the broken trust in their relationship was difficult for me. It reminded me of how I used to feel when I was in an unstable relationship with someone I couldn’t trust.

I considered stopping at that point, but I kept reading. In hindsight, maybe I wouldn’t have had that same nervous feeling in my stomach if I had. Much of Lindy’s backstory and struggles reminded me of parts of my own life, so I found myself rooting for her throughout the book -- and I still am.

I truly wish the best for Lindy and hope she has found real happiness. I just wish I had known more about what this book would focus on before requesting Adult Braces. Readers expecting humor may be surprised, as this definitely did not feel like a humor book to me.

___________________________________________
My post while reading:

I am currently reading this, but I am so irritated. I am nineteen chapters in on an audiobook ARC, and it feels like a lot of excuses for a selfish man. Lindy deserves better.

[J · Rating 3 out of 5]

Girl GET UP

[Michelle Rose · Rating 1 out of 5]

I hated this book. I thought it was supposed to be funny. I should have quit at the halfway point when she starts slamming glp-1’s. They are not the easy way out for a fat person. What they are is something to control your hormones and allow you to feel normal. You are not sick for the rest of your life. You don’t necessarily have to gain the weight back. They have been a life changer for me personally. I’m kind of surprised no one else mentioned this in their review.

I do, however, agree with the reviewers who talk about her polyamorous relationship. She clearly did not want that, and I felt like the whole book was spent trying to convince herself should could be happy in that type of relationship. I don’t think she is a happy still. It really gives low self confidence vibes.

I don’t generally rate memoirs low but I just really didn’t care for this book. There was also no humor to be found. Maybe I misinterpreted the previews.

[no elle · Rating 3 out of 5]

lindyyyy girlyyyyyyyy shake the crippling libfem white guilt & work on yr self-awareness!! and self-esteem... who am i to say a complete stranger isnt truly happy with her life but i read the whole book willingly and on purpose, as a fan!, and it sure sounds like someone who's trying to convince herself that she likes the situation she's in, one where she gets to be alone by herself in the guest room clutching her stuffed toys & phone while her husband is in bed a room away with another woman. yeesh. this is actually a really hard & sad read! again, as a fan!!! im a fat white millennial and you can tell im a holdout from the blogging years too, look at my obnoxious use of exclamation points. immediate tell!! what im getting at is im not a hater, lindy is kin. maybe shes totally femmepowered sexually and emotionally by polyamory i dont know her i cant say shes rly not but what she writes in this book.. it sounds like a farce. it sounds like another mask of confidence she wants to present to the world but she doesnt have enuff self awareness to know how it comes off. and i say ANOTHER mask because she literally describes doing exactly that in previous memoirs. lol... BUT WHATEVER! the white guilt shit is actually more annoying than the seemingly fuckless throuple she ended up in cuz shes too afraid of being alone or abandoned. again, that just makes me sad. but i dont understand how you can travel the united states and feel no curiosity for the other ppl you encounter, always assuming everyone across the south is a piece of shit trump voter. if youre a liberal on the boat excursion with 70 other people it stands to reason that its possible.. some other people.. may vote how you do too..?? i mean, i know what it is - shes a deeply anxious person who uses politics & social justice as a cover for anxiety, so i do actually get whats happening here. but damn! u can talk to a stranger it'll be alright, yknow what, even if they DID vote for trump. also, she should not have published all of those embarrassing emoji texts with roya lol. but thats what lindy does and we still love her for it even if we're crying and groaning PLEASE LINDY STOP!!!!! please lindy.... im begging you..... stop...!!!

[Caitie Vondras · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Lindy West and I (mostly) enjoyed this book. Her self reflection on loving and embracing yourself within a societal construct that simultaneously tells you you’re unloveable and gross while also expecting you to be a bulletproof face of The Movement was powerful and very poignant. There were moments that felt very insightful and also moments where I struggled to listen to her self-flagellate and blame herself for having a normal emotional response to a challenging relationship dynamic. Hard not to wonder why the burden of self improvement and discovery seems to always fall to women. Hmm.

[Felicia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Stream of consciousness review:

- the constant self depreciation and how she claims she didn't/doesn't deserve love/man because she is fat shows why she is putting up with Ahman.

- speak of how small, delicate, and skinny Roya is ... didn't sit well

- constant talk of whites or being white was very forced. (yet she'd bring up Kevin Spacey in pop culture references when he's a known predator.) so much white guilt. it seemed a way to rationalize her settling for Aham. (edit: to clarify: there was basically mention that monogamy comes from white culture/capitalism)

- seems Roya is a buffer for the tension she had with Ahman , and she picks up where Ahman lacks (cleans, checks mail)

- Ahman seems to bring nothing to the relationship, no qualities mentioned except he's the better half

- she isn't in love with Roya, or even in a relationship with Roya, nothing in this made that clear.

- a lot of talk of being broke and having no money.

- seems Aham is not attracted to her at all and they both just feel stuck together for different reasons. I'd imagine money for him and validation for her

- the writing is quite embarrassing at times and dated.

- I don't understand where the moment where she decided to be in this relationship happened. what was it? that Roya kept her updated on Aham while she was away?

- it felt she wanted to say being fat was not good for her and she's happier thinner but knew she couldn't without backlash

- a really frustrating and I have to say defeating read. I hope she finds her value and self worth some day

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

The review I started writing for Adult Braces was becoming obscenely long, so TL;DR:

a) This book reads like a mid-2010s tumblr blog, only with worse punctuation.

b) This book is ultimately a tragedy, despite being billed as humor. Lindy West's self-esteem is in the gutter, and her attempts to portray her marriage to an emotionally manipulative cad as her saving grace fall flat on their face.

Full review can be found here: https://blastfromthepastshelf.substac...

[Sam · Rating 2 out of 5]

Is this entertaining, especially if you like gossip and/or trainwrecks? Sure. Is it also deeply concerning and made me feel frustrated and so sad at times? Yes, yes it is.

The way Lindy's husband was basically like, "Hey I'm gonna be polyamorous so you can either accept that or we're done" and she reluctantly said yes really broke me. I couldn't get over how much self-hate she spews (especially regarding her weight - like let me be SO clear, not all fat people hate themselves!!!). My brain truly needs a massage after listening to this.

[K Agbebiyi]

Jesus what a whirlwind. First book by Lindy but I loved the tv show shrill. On the book itself, it wasn’t my favorite but I could see its merits. I’m not sure if this is her usual writing style but I largely couldn’t connect. She wasn’t actually vulnerable in her writing, she was revealing secrets about herself and that is different. She was always on the cusp of vulnerability before she tied it up in some flimsy metaphor or laughed and joked nervously and changed the chapter. It was disorienting. I also found the voice memos to be utterly distracting and a stand in for her describing the place more, and working through these complicated feelings she seems to have over land, colonization, racism etc. her thoughts in the memo seemed reflective of someone who is not engaging with nonfiction reading regularly, or someone who is not well versed in theory. This sounds bad to say but to write well you have to read often, and when you do not do so it can show because you repeat things everyone already knows. I liked her writing on BED as someone who has it, and I thought some stories were funny, but this felt very disjointed.

As for the dialogue concerning her marriage. We are given so little information that I’m not sure why people have such concrete conclusions on anything. People speak of betrayal and anger online as though she killed someone. The upset seems to be largely a projection, one that ignores the nuances of marriage and also seems tied to the fact that people made someone their feminist superstar avatar in a really dehumanizing and troubling way. And perhaps Lindy liked that. Until she didn’t. To be clear, Lindy sounds very insecure in a way that was difficult to read sometimes due to experiences of being on the other end of that in a partnership. And her partner does not seem to be a great person to do polyamory with. But the visceral disgust and anger people have actually reeks of conservatism and would be there even if she had a healthy polyamorous relationship. For all of the online haters I have to ask them to level with themselves. If they have not and likely will not ever be fat or date and love a fat person then maybe they should consider just how much that changes your relationship to sex and dating before providing prescriptive feedback on a strangers marriage.

[Jess Owens]

I tried the audio due to all the discourse about this memoir on threads. But her writing style is not for me and so ima nope outta this one

[Rhea · Rating 5 out of 5]

The discourse about this book is very troubling, and it almost kept me from reading it! I’m so glad I decided to hear Lindy’s story in her own voice. She’s hilarious, and this was a quick, chatty read about a lot of complicated topics. The narrative online is all about her relationship, and how she is a victim of it, but this book is way more about her finding her SELF and getting embodied. If you wouldn’t care to be in her marriage? Guess what! You don’t have to! I certainly wouldn’t want to because Aham seems pretty difficult! But it’s not our job as the reader to put ourselves in Lindy’s real life position- it’s bot even possible.
I wish her editors would have warned her that being this honest about the messy way polyamory started for them, and the icky feelings she had at first, would make people VERY reactive. I think Lindy is in a progressive bubble and doesn’t get that even very liberal people find anything other than monogamy extremely threatening. She was brave to write this before she was healed but she is in charge of all of the risks that she’s taking. Anyway, I loved this read and I wish Lindy all the happiness and freedom in the world.

[Ann Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lindy done did it again! 👏🏼 I’m always going to read anything she writes (books, substacks, Instagram captions, dental reviews, bathroom graffiti, etc).

This book is GOOD. I highlighted all of my favorite lines and I was honestly worried it was going to run out of its neon ink.

I laughed. I spat (unintentionally while laughing). I gasped. I clutched my pearls. I teared up. I texted excerpts to friends. Lindy seriously runs the gamut of emotions in this book. So raw!

Okay so what’s it about? Lindy’s marriage is kinda falling apart and she decides to take a big old cross country road trip to have a big old think. We have dispatches from small towns along the way, epiphanies on hikes, tons of swimming, interesting locals, and so much wisdom (and foolishness). Come for her polyamory tea, stay for gorgeous self-examination.

Also, are Lindy and I twins possibly? We’ve both romanticized Spanish moss in Savannah, taken weird cruises on plastic chairs, gotten friend tattoos in Kalamazoo, gushed over the stained-glass windows at The Russell, freaked over the Badlands, will swim ANYWHERE, and first fell in love with Kokomo via The Muppets. And we’re both ✨fat✨. Twins it is.

If you love her other books, enjoy Road Trip Ephipanies™️, or have slightly crooked teeth, pick this one up my friends!

[lola · Rating 5 out of 5]

an extreme pleasure to read - contains the phrase “the vast and unforgiving un-Kokomo of life” - I gasped