Let me start off by saying that I really, really wanted to like this book and this series. All three were gifted to me on my birthday in 2017, after having seen them on shelves (and MAN do they look good on a shelf!) of family members who raved about them. I made it about 115 pages into the first book before I stopped completely. (More on this later.)
Fast forward to this winter (18'-19') and the preview for the show caught my eye. I DEVOURED the show, I'm not even embarrassed. I watched the whole first season within a day. Very few shows have ever gotten me to do that. It is well done, and the story has been tweaked to make it more like what I thought the books would be like. Well, then I was off to the races, I had to try the books again to know what happens next, and see if they magically get better. (Accidental pun there.)
Immediately what I ran into in 2017, I ran into in 2019; the writing. It is TERRIBLE. I'm not sure that I've ever encountered this predicament quite so thoroughly. As I read the first book I kept saying over and over (out loud, just to annoy my loved ones repeatedly) "Great story, terrible writing!!"
Who the hell edited this book? And how the hell has it enamored so many fans!? There are lines and lines and lines of descriptions that make NO sense. (I care so much about disliking this series so strongly that I will come back and edit this review with examples from the books, right before I take my copies to Half Price Books.)
The premise is so good, and so promising, and the show taps into that very well. The books are packaged with intriguing covers and mysterious art. And then you start to read the beautiful font, and as the words grow into paragraphs, and paragraphs into pages, you slowly realize with growing concern, that it's just pig slop. One reviewer from Scotland nailed it when she said it is absolute pish. Another said "it's just a little bit of poop." And I couldn't agree more.
Ultimately this is a series that people will be able point to as an example of writing the doesn't stand the true test of time. Whereas authors like Tolkien and Rowling have and will continue to do so. The All Souls Trilogy is just pop-fiction.
***Spoilers from here on out for the entire series!*****
Where the books lost me the first time was just after the yoga class. It was awkwardly written (I know, I know, I'm hounding on the writing, but seriously guys, it is that bad!!) and didn't flow well with the events leading up to it. That combined with my growing realization that this was just another "girl falls in love with a vampire man" series, I stopped. Then the show gave me the insatiable need to know what happens next, and I don't like waiting for years to find out when I can just read it.
So I was able to get through the first book a little easier with the better version (the show) in my mind. Not to be deterred by a bout of crying, over a man she's only known for 2 weeks, that flooded a tower, I forged on. The hunting scene in the show was uncomfortable; the hunting scene in the book was asinine. Their marriage in the show was awkward, in the book; doubly so. I think the only characters in the entire series who were worth the print were The House, and Ysabaeu.
Book two: we spend nearly 150 pages on F-g nothing, and then get to some plot. And then the plot is interrupted by people the author wishes she could meet. (I'm very sure that I know her answers to "If you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, who would it be" also "and what would you eat? *eye twitching intensifies*) But I wanted to know about Diana's magic, and I wanted to experience her learning it, but all of that was overshadowed by weird historical fiction that had no place in the story. If you want Matthew to have known and been involved with all of these famous people and events, fine, but write it as its own damn prequel book! Die-hard fans rejoice! Bogs down what most people are here for in this series.
I have no problem with long books. JK Rowling taught us well, long books can be gripping as well as beloved. Harkness has no concept. Diana apparently masters her magic after only two or three lessons with the powerful witches that we spend hundreds of pages to get to. The references to how long they spend in the past range from 6-8 months (editor should be fired), during which she gets schooled on her speech more than her magic, marries Matthew (forrealz this time), adopts two children (they're cool, but really,,?), miscarries, becomes pregnant again, goes to Prague to FINALLY find the book, and sees it whole for about 4 minutes, before the three pages are TORN out (Not neatly sliced as described in the book and the show! EDITOR: WTF) and then it turns out after they steal it that they can't bring it to the future with them like they thought they could. Had Harkness even figured that out beforehand? The story reads like she didn't..
(This is where the wheels completely fall off and the story completely stops being good at all.)
Book 3; Oh hey, Emily DIED while you were gone. In nearly 1800 pages, none of those pages could be devoted to what was going on while they were in the past? NOTHING? Emily is just dead. Also she's a ghost, she's with the ghosts of Rebecca and Phillip on the top of the tower that Diana flooded and we LITERALLY NEVER COME BACK TO THIS. There was no point to us knowing that, they do not become relevant, and Phillip says a few words to Diana at the very end of the book, and that's it. WTF.
Then it's time for them to run and hide, right? BIG BAD Congregation is coming to get them, right? Turns out; No. Let's just go back to Madison (the house is possibly the best character in the whole series, original, intriguing, filled with possibilities, LOVE THE HOUSE). Harkness doesn't even pretend to have them hide. It's not even hiding in plain sight kind of hiding, they just go to already known locations with some better tech security on their devices than last time they were there. That's it.
The Congregation, Knox and Satu, they stop being the villains, and become kind of a supporting cast to the "real" bad guy; Benjamin. (Writers, Benjamin Fox is not a name that strikes fear, it is a name that harkens -Harkness, get it?- back to Benjamin BUNNY. STOP IT.) Benji does some f-d up stuff that I won't get into here, but clearly Harkness wants us to take him seriously. Now. In the last book of the trilogy, NOW we're supposed to worry about this bad guy, who we're never ACTUALLY HIDING from...
Then we get into true Twilight territory. Another vamp is, and has been for 600 years (wayyyy longer than Matthew, lol *eye rolling intensifies*) in love with Diana. Then Matthew and Diana separate (!?!?) so that Matthew can go to New Orleans, for reasons. Then, 8-months-pregnant-with-twins-Diana goes globe-trotting, and "hides" in her own houses. WITH the other vamp who is in love with her. She starts dearly wishing he could find his mate. At this point I started yelling a little bit. I legit thought it was going to be Breaking Dawn all over again. Thankfully no. However, I have a feeling that's how Harkness wanted it to be, and the Editor maybe prevented this, because the Scottish Vamp just evaporates once Matthew is back in the picture and the children are born.
Also, terrible plot twist, Benji is the real torturer of Phillip. The witch-nazis that were hunted down didn't actually have much to do with it. Then we leave Matthew with him for DAYS. He is eventually rescued by Diana. He takes some astrological months to heal, and then he's good to go again.. Not killing himself like Phillip did. (I mean, I'm glad, and that would've been repetitive reading, but the torture is the same, done by the same guy, and in the same location, and Matthew is basically just fine.)
This book suffers from many things, but another issue is that the author made Diana so truly powerful that she can't even do justice to it. She can solve anything, do anything, and yet is constrained by the limits of imagination. Her fight scenes in the end aren't remarkable, not after all of the build-up to get to them.
All in all, Harkness struck it rich on these other authors' ingredients; Anne Rice, Diana Gabaldon, JK Rowling, and most of all; Stephanie Meyer. She combined them in slightly new ways, with a few of her own twists. There is juuuust enough to keep you reading, but in the end you'll wish you hadn't.
I'm going to go try to find something real to read now, see if I can erase all of the crap I just endured for nothing.