I'm Just Sitting on a Fence

by Dax Flame

Amongst other things, I’m Just Sitting on a Fence chronicles Dax Flame’s travels in India, Hollywood, Rome, Mexico, San Francisco, and the Grand Canyon, where he volunteers at an orphanage, auditions with a movie star, falls in love, kills a fish, goes through a nervous breakdown, and has an epiphany-inducing near-death experience. But that may be misleading; there’s more to it than that.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography

152 pages, Paperback

First published December 10, 2014

Reviews

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

There’s currently a blizzard happening on the East Coast and I’m stuck in the middle of it. It’s late at night and I just woke up from an accidental nap. I feel like this is the perfect state of mind to write a review of “I’m Just Sitting on a Fence” by Dax Flame. Truthfully, I finished the book a few days ago but needed some time for it to fully soak in so I could process all the thoughts swirling around in my head. This review will be a little scatterbrained but then again so is the book so maybe that’s for the best.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’m a long time Dax Flame fan. Observing a life over the course of 8 years through the internet is a pretty weird thing when you really stop and think about it. Especially since I’m now 28 and really really old. It was basically like watching the movie “Boyhood” but with more chocolate syrup.

Along with the vast majority of Dax’s viewers (and my own nagging desire to dissect everything as much as humanly possible) I was desperate to “figure out” Dax Flame. Was he entirely a character? Was he a combination of a real person and a character? Was it supposed to be funny? Am I a terrible person for laughing at this? Some of his vlogs were hilarious while others were truly heartbreaking.

When I found out Dax wrote a book, I didn’t hesitate to buy it. Literally. I think about 60 seconds passed between the discovery and the purchase. Deep down, I was hoping this book would answer all the unanswered questions. My curiosity had faded but never really went away. This was my biggest mistake in reading the book. If you are purchasing this book as a fan, I urge you not to read the book as some sort of cryptex. Instead, take this book for what it is—a collection of diary entries, short fiction and musings by someone’s who’s led an undeniably fascinating life and has some pretty interesting things to say about it.

There’s something in the book for everyone. Fans will enjoy throwbacks from some of his earlier vlogs and a similar sense of humor. Some parts may even move you. The entry about his experience volunteering at an orphanage in India is particularly touching. I think you'll leave this book with greater affection for him. He's grown up to be someone who seems genuinely kind and curious (and maybe sometimes confused).
In another section on photography, he includes a link to an exclusive Youtube video just for readers of the book! It’s an overall easy read with a pleasing format and some genuinely good advice mixed in. Will it appeal to casual fans? I’m not so sure. I’d say this one is best suited for long-time subscribers.

Honestly, by the time I finished the book I just didn’t care anymore about “figuring him out.” Whether he’s a character or not doesn’t really matter. He’s someone who has brought me unbridled joy over the years and that’s really hard to come across in life. Thanks for everything Dax Flame.

P.S. The cover photo makes my heart swell with an insurmountable amount of happiness.

[Dash Gulick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ahhh Daxflame. Or I guess it's Dax Flame now. He was quite possibly the greatest enigma i've ever had the pleasure of watching on Youtube. It was believable, more so than Marble Hornets. It lasted with a certain level of credibility, rather than than what ended up happening with Lonelygirl. And even better? I still haven't a clue if it was all an act or not. Speaking of act, Dax became an actor. I'd be lying if I said I didn't watch 21 Jump Street solely for the fact that Dax had a few scenes in it (the movie was hilarious anyways and became one of my favorite comedy movies ever). He also had a small (but effective) role in Project X and looks to be making a good stride in his acting career with a Sundance submission film (don't quote me on that.... could be entirely wrong). And through this book, he apparently was close to getting the role of the "son" from We're The Millers which is even bigger. The catch though? He still goes by the name of Dax Flame in his roles. I think Bo Burnham put it best in his explanation of Dax. Basically, he said that Dax was either a genius because the character feels so organic and real, or he's a genius because he put himself out there and took the brunt of a thousand angry, testosterone-filled early Youtubers. And I mean early. Daxflame was back in the days when Smosh was funny, the Winekone was popular, and Lisanova had a budding career. Of course Smosh is still immensely popular, and I have no idea about Lisanova, but Dax and the Winekone were guys that sort've lost steam. Dax had a valid reason (don't know what happened with the Winekone, so maybe he had a valid reason too). He was making it out in thy beast called Hollywood. But his channel suffered because of it. Now, you might see his videos get perhaps 10,000 views as opposed to the high numbers his older videos got. And honestly, he still has a subscriber in me. But this sort of enigma makes reviewing this book difficult because it could be two things: either it's a brilliant piece of further character development from a wonderful actor who many might not know about, or it's literally just the musings of an interesting guy that yelled at his mom a lot, cried, and became a successful actor anyway. I'm gonna go off on the narrative that he's the great actor. And I mean GREAT. Seeing him now (in the rare videos he puts out), the character has evolved. Some things have stayed the same, as he's still at times rude, socially awkward guy that gets into trouble (he mentions that he once destroyed his nemesis cousin's scooter to get back at him), has odd but interesting experiences with women, and has a signature view on the world. I remember certain videos that sought to reveal that Dax wasn't really Bernice Juach III, but he was actually named Madison Patrello (in one video, the person showed a very grainy yearbook photo of someone named Theodore Patrello, who was a skater kid and vaguely resembled Dax). There was another Youtuber named Dylan Patrello who other claimed was Madison's sister. There were convincing photos that could've revealed this connection, and even further detective work from inquiring viewers brought up the possibility that their father or an uncle helped them reach their dreams throught the just-begun video forum known as Youtube. I haven't been able to find Dylan's videos, but I distinctly remember her being a student of Berklee. Obviously this worked out for her, and perhaps it worked out for Dax. He never makes mention of a sister in the vlog series, so it's a suspect detail. The rumor also made mention of the fact that he lived in McKinney, Texas. I don't think any of this was ever confirmed. The thing that still gets me to ponder the actual outcome of Daxflame (if his real name was unrevealed and the Dax character is pretty much true, or if Madison Patrello really is the genius behind the character) is the fact that he even uses the name anymore. HIS ACTING NAME IS LITERALLY DAX FLAME. It's confusing, but honestly it makes me even happier with the work (if it is work). It shows that he's still committed to the bit, and may very well never reveal his hidden tricks. As much as i'd like to know the reality, maybe it's best that it's possible real nature stays in the shadows. I hope in fifty years it will be in the archives of legendary internet troll history (hopefully right next to Jesus Chatline and Ventrilo Harassment). I'm Just Sitting On A Fence works on so many levels when you go with the narrative that it was created by a highly skilled actor. The stories inside stay in line with the younger Dax, but he's evolved into something greater. He has a passion for photography (the shots i've seen aren't all too amazing to be honest, but maybe it's still going with the character... sorry Dax if those were serious), and he's travelled to different parts of the world. One could almost view this "self-help memoir" as an exercise in Kerouac storytelling. But the way it sometimes skips around, perhaps James Joyce is a better example. Even then, we're left with a sort of Hollywood tell-all that really doesn't tell anything at all except his everyday life. There is a story about a rather terrible family that pushes their dog to horrible amounts of violence enacted onto these people (the dad is left bald, and the young son has to get hooks for hands). In classic Dax fashion, the story becomes something else entirely. In what normally sounds like a sort of Palahniuk-esque horror story, it almost feels like a Clifford the Big Red Dog one. The story doesn't end with the attack. THE DAMN DOG AND THE HORRIBLE FAMILY ACTUALLY MAKE UP, AND THE DOG (who doesn't know he's a dog) FINDS LOVE AMID A FIREWORK SHOW. If Dax isn't a character at all, then this story becomes almost something like a teenager's hyper-violent response to a standardized test picture prompt in middle or high school. It's still entertaining either way in the oddest way possible. I can't even use meta when describing this work as nothing was ever revealed about the nature of Daxflame into Dax Flame, but there's a great takeaway as to why i'd even give this four stars: it affected me. The simple fact that this book has perfect star ratings on Amazon and Goodreads shows that not many people have taken it seriously. Just read the reviews on Amazon (one person mentions that they went gay because of Dax). Even the production values of the novel go in line with something Dax would do. I've seen serious reviews too. Ones that make reference to also probably not wanting to know if he's real or an actor. But make no mistake about it: this is a real work. It's short, but it does so much. I remember how disappointed I was when Dax stopped making videos for long periods of time, but the rare ones he'd release? They became something different. It was like the older videos were a test, and the ones who stayed now have a different test: why am I still here caring about this anxious person? And ladies and gentlemen... I'm Just Sitting On A Fence is either a whatever-this-was-okay one-read book, or it's Round 2 of the guessing game. I'm going with Round 2 just to make this amazing question i've been asking myself since 2007 continue to be relevant. I hope to see Dax (or Theodore or Madison) get the recognition he so rightfully deserves. Thanks for the memories, the Once and Future King of Youtube.

[Beatrice]

I'm Just Sitting on a Fence is a memoir and a compilation of various writing styles, incorporating media cleverly as well as a characteristic prose of self-referencing. The internal monologue of this book is blatantly honest, revealing both convictions and insecurities of its author to an extent that has made me appreciate his vulnerability. Dax Flame tells us of events of his day to day life, including little notes of public recognition and personal growth, counterposed with short stories written throughout his journaling period. Lessons are pointedly included in this book, as one of its purposes is to communicate reflections drawn from personal experience. I'm Just Sitting on a Fence was candidly written, confiding in its reader along the way, appropriating a friendly tone. Reading it felt like talking to somebody.

A video review will be posted soon!

[Weathervane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Classic Dax. Great for fans; interesting to see, on page, the mix of sincerity and idiocy that his actor plays so well. Would love to see another book, and curious the approach he might take. I especially enjoyed his short stories at the beginning, and the description of the trip to Rome, which is not played for laughs.

[D · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a fan of Dax for going on ten years now, I was ecstatic when I heard he wrote a book. I had no idea what to expect from it – how could he possibly channel the manic unhinged personality of his videos into a book? Would he finally reveal that he's been playing a character the whole time?

Ultimately, I wanted to unravel the mystery of Dax. Here's a guy who's too ridiculous for the real world: who bonds with his friends by literally pissing on them, who flirts with his crush by stealing and breaking her property, who cries like a baby when he hears thunder and who's most often seen in brightly-coloured short-shorts and a blazer.

But if Dax Flame is an act, then it's an act he's been playing seemingly non-stop since 2006. In the past 5 years he's featured in a number of massively successful motion pictures and credited as 'Dax Flame'. His acting in the films matches the uncanny-valley mannerisms and stilted dialogue of his videos from years earlier. And now he's now written a self-help book that's as un-ironic and unassuming and genuine as it gets. I'm Sitting On A Fence is at turns honest, poignant, beautiful, hilarious, and oh so painfully cringeworthy. The comedy – almost all of which is cringe comedy – is spread relatively thinly throughout the book, and the sections between the jokes are often bare and packed with confused emotions. The writing is childlike in its simplicity and honesty as Dax struggles to find his place in the world and come to terms with adult life. A chapter is spent reflecting on his accidental killing of a pet fish as a child, and he speculates about the impact of the event o his psyche. "The goldfish was the last pet I've had. ... I'm scared. Scared to get too close to another animal. Scared that I'll kill it." This isn't fun stuff. In a diary excerpt he worries about his mental health:

> "I have been cursing all the time in my head lately. I just do. I don't want to. I hiked up to Nevada falls, unsure the whole time. It was beautiful but I didn't enjoy it. I've been having troublesome thoughts. I just need to relax, that's all."

Dax is no longer a psychotic pubescent brat. He's now a Forrest Gump or a Rain Man . We empathise with him because of his innocence and genuine good-heartedness, and we hurt because know he'll never fit in. Some of Dax's interactions with women in the book are heartbreaking because we can see him the way they see them and we know that to them he's a creep or a weirdo. He also makes peace with his mother, a frequent target of his videos: "in my teens, I thought of my mum as my enemy, and was constantly frustrated with her. ... Now I see that she is just a person, and I really love her, she's a very good person."

The book takes us into the mind of another human - one who most likely ranks somewhere up near indigo on the Autism spectrum and whose antics yield endless comedy, but who nevertheless still grapples with the same fears and worries and basic loneliness as the rest of us. When I saw the first trailer for 21 Jump Street and realised my favourite YouTuber of my childhood had made it to a major role in a Hollywood movie I was gleeful. Now that I've read his book, I'm just proud.

The ultimate question: is it all an act? I don't think so. It's too intricate, too consistent, and there are long stretches of the book without any entertainment of the laugh-out-loud sort. But at the same time, there are moments in his life which are too outlandish to be real. No one could be *that* socially unaware.

I think it's partly an act and partly real. I think Dax plays up his "I-can't-believe-it's-not-autism" image because he knows it entertains people , but I think his real personality is not so different from the character.

This is one of the most touching books I've read and it gives a massive amount of insight into elusive character, but I imagine that people who haven't followed his life won't get as much out of it.

[Kira Lee-Genzel]

I hope I encounter him at a hostel one day. Can’t believe he almost starred in a movie with Ted lasso

[Frances · Rating 5 out of 5]

Flame captures the human spirit in a memoir like no other. The mix of fiction, non-fiction, and diary entries blend together in a charming slice of life medley that really gets you thinking.

[Julie Powell · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not quite sure what to say about this piece of writing, which reads like a see-saw of emotions concerning a journey of lessons.

It is unique, and for those who enjoy delving into something different, where the words are reaching out to be understood, this one is for you.

Worth a look.

[Cubie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is like reading a Daxflame video, it’s amazingly satisfying.

[Lincoln Mattwandel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simply baffling

[Yiz County · Rating 3 out of 5]

Daxflame feels like an old friend at the stage, and he had a profound impact on my life. He seemed like an awkward, anxious and troubled kid, who through his youtube vlog, turned his flaws and daily tragedies into intentionally-unintentionally hilarious high art.

The big question viewers asked was, was Daxflame for real? I'm sure it's half-half. A technique of playing up your character flaws to the extreme, exaggerating where you need, but making it believable. Maybe Nathan Fielder and Joe Pera took a page from this guy.

Watching the videos from his later life, Daxflame is a different person. With a professional acting career (21 Jump Street) and a slightly altered professional moniker of Dax Flame, we no longer witness the emotionally turbulent and unpredictably violent boy from the early Youtube diaries. Dax now seems like a quiet, level-headed depressive, whose ill-considered antics are fortunately, and maybe sadly behind him.

I think you can divide early Daxflame and late/current Dax Flame into two personalities, and the book gives equal footing to both perspectives. Half the book is made up of rather solemn, lonely diary entries from Dax in his early-20s as he travels around different cities, trying (with very mixed success) to connect with strangers in hostels; struggles to come up with book ideas in the library; and has minor, sometimes quite pretty, revelations about life and stuff. These sections had the visual-emotional palette of a plain-white room near the city with fluorescent lighting... tidy, but empty. A definite contrast to the sharp, clashing carpet textures of his early years, where you only ever saw him in flamenco shirts and cut-off jeans. Sure he passes for normal now.. but dang.

The chapters borrowing from his high-school days are glorious. Framed as moral fables, Daxflame recounts memories of pushing his grandmother into the pool, smashing apart his cousin's scooter, and causing destruction to the coral reefs with his punches and kicks.. amid many others. These contemptible anecdotes-framed-as-life-lessons are written with such self-righteous zest, it brings to mind characters like Ignatius J Reilley and Don Quixote. I particularly loved the few bizarre short-stories included- an excerpt here from "Billy's Big Birthday: Part One of the Jacob Robins saga"



All in all I enjoyed this book for the most part. It was well written, experimental and sometimes really funny. If you're a longtime fan of Daxflame, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this, and I hope to see Daxflame continue to document his small sagas in life.

[Kanaria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dax Flame's book will tell you the meaning of life through several charming shortstories and his imaginary and lively mental dialogue. This book doesn't stick with the traditional prose of everyday writing but instead brings you other stories from his fictional short stories, diary entries, and ideas for movies. Give it a shot, its his best book of his series and I really enjoyed it. It was a fast read due to the page turning nature of it and long enough to justify purchase.

To carry on: (WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD)

This book started out with Dax getting into a series of trouble in his youth. From his seating change where he couldn't stop wanting to brush a boy's hair in class (he was bored and saw his classmate had messy hair and hten proceeded to give him shoulder massage) and then later talks about his issues with a girl where he got in trouble with the questioning if he respected women after putting a girls number in his phone and getting caught for the guise he stole it. This shows the awkward youth of how one deals with not only invisible social cues but also the natural awkwardness of trying to figure it out at such a young age. This is wholesome and follows along in the book as it shows Dax development from a younger rebellious self who tried to define the world before it defines him.

My favorite story is probably when he was at the park and got separated from his mom and he showed such a genuine rebelliousness and clever questioning. Really showing how deep and vibrant his memory was when he was a child. This also reflects in the earlier statement I just made.

I also loved the christmas story with Grover and Lupis. I loved how the symbology of the clothes went and carried to show that that was what the children needed. It easily could have turned into a trope where he gets in trouble but instead it is a more whimsical story where circumstances work in his favor and he can do the right thing by matter of good luck. I really enjoyed how it was written though because i could feel the feelings of Grover as well as the cheeriness of an early day warm christmas before the internet and devilish smartphones. Kudos to Dax for having me feel nostalgia when i am not prone to.

The ending shows that Dax completely understands life is about the memories we make. I hope the reader learns this too. We often forget such a simple lesson. This book reminds us, and in a beautiful whimsical way.

[Cade Eliason · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was inspiring to me personally. laugh out loud funny randomly. dax is just an enigma man and his voice is as awkward as it is wholesome. there’s a couple dwayne the rock johnson eyebrow raising gif sentences that are pricelessly hilarious. like when he was trying to figure out the librarian’s age before he hit on her, he has so many references to how he is just writing the whole book by just coming up with words sitting in the library god man it’s great stuff.

[Edward Carter · Rating 5 out of 5]

A work of God

[Jeremy Boyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dax somehow makes the mundane so engaging, can’t get enough of this guy. 9/10

[Harvey Loftus · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will always find Dax Flame fascinating

[Tobias Langhoff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written by actor and vlogger Dax Flame, aka Bernice Jauch the III, this book is part novel, part memoir, part collection of short stories, part travel literature, part diary, part docufiction, and also encompasses many other genres I don't think are invented yet. It is a quintessential piece of modernist naïve art and a prime example of stream-of-consciousness techniques. It also uses an experimental form of multimedia integration that will be apparent to the reader in due course. It taught me to be more aware of the small things in life.

[Theresa K · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thank you for this book won thru Goodreads giveaway. Perhaps if you followed Dax Flame on the internet, you may be a fan of this book. Unfortunately, even after pondering what I read, I couldn't get into it, sorry.

[Ivy Espinosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the weirdest, most entertaining books I've ever read. Wonderful read, I'm really glad I finally got the chance to read this.

[BooKss101|Miranda]

My review for this book https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk-el33... :)

[BooKss101|Miranda]

My review on this book https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk-el33... :)

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Essential for any fan. A wonderful book that brought me much joy with the observations of Dax. (delayed review!)

[Ethan Fike · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is nearly perfect.

I think everyone could benefit from using this book and its lessons as an anchor and simultaneously a lighthouse.