Proverbs for Monsters

by Michael A. Arnzen

You Can Catch A Good Human With A Bad Hamburger Proverbs For Monsters is an omnibus of the best writing to date by one of the most offbeat and humorous writers working in the horror genre today, Michael A. Arnzen. Hand picked by the author, these are the stories, "flash fictions," and poems most cherished by readers, most enjoyed at live performances, most celebrated by editiors of year's best collections, and most recommended for literary awards from across his career. An Infant Vampire Bites Hardest In Proverbs For Monsters you'll get advice for growing your own man-eating plant. You'll ride the movies of Exorcystland -- the scariest amusement park ever created. You'll attend a bizarre grade school for assassins. You'll meet a dentist with a very disturbing collection of baby teeth. You'll encounter strange children -- from the boy who carries his heart in a metal case attached to his chest to the girl who is completely encased in the carapace of her own giant scab. You'll ride a diseased elephant and witness the death of the last vampire and learn more than ever wanted to know about a perpetual embalming machine. You'll wince and laugh and wince again. Fortune Favors the Cleaver Whether or not you have read Michael Arnzen before or are already a fan of his gleefully twisted imagination, you're in for a very dark treat with this generous collection of thirty stories and thirty poems, many of them impossible-to-find or never seen before. Proverbs For Monsters offers the most delightful and disturbing retrospective of this acclaimed author's career.

Genres: Short Stories, Horror

Hardcover

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Michael Arnzen has won multiple awards for his fiction and poetry, including four Bram Stoker Awards and the International Horror Guild Award. He teaches horror and suspense writing at Seton Hill University, as faculty in their unique MFA degree program in Writing Popular Fiction.

To catch up with Arnzen or hunt down collectable editions, visit the author's website, GORELETS.COM Or tune in his new podcast: 6:66 w/Michael Arnzen at http://6m66s.com/

Reviews

[Michael]

WINNER of the 2007 Bram Stoker Award finalist for Outstanding Achievement in a Fiction Collection! (Tied with Peter Straub's book, 5 Stories).

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this was the first Arnzen book I ever bought. Highly recommended. Unless you don't like weird stuff. Or gross stuff. Or gross weird stuff. Or weird gross stuff. Otherwise, you should be fine. It's a terrific intro to speculative poetry for everyone. It's especially suggested for those who had no idea 'horror poetry' was a thing.

[Kerry]

Looking for a speculative short story collection featuring demented dentists, a horrifying amusement park, a kiddo with his heart outside of his body? Enjoy a little humor with your horror? Proverbs for Monsters by Michael A. Arnzen is for you! This collection of 29 fabulously fear-filled pieces of flash fiction and 34 petrifying poems is punctuated by abstract artwork by David G. Barnett from Fat Cat Designs and is published through Dark Regions Press, copyrighted on the auspicious date of Halloween in 2007. From a delightful nod to Edward Gorey to the poem that lends its name to the book, these tales that will leave you wondering “What the Kafka?” Michael A. Arnzen proves he has a wicked way with words, a horrifically biting sense of humor, and an intense imagination.