Afterthoughts: or Some Pistachios Won't Open – Wisdom for the Unreflective

by Richard Ayoade

Richard Ayoade has set down his most enormous thoughts for the benefit of all those who dare read them. Thoughts like . . .


TV detectives need a gimmick. Mine would be not caring who did it.

If, when one door shuts, another door opens, there's something wrong with your doors. They shouldn't be doing that.

Where's the box to tick if you ARE a robot?

My mother used to say Manners Maketh the Man, but I didn't think it was very mannerly of her to make fun of my lisp.


Plato, Aristotle, Montaigne. Men who have searched for meaning with, let's face it, mixed results. Whither the one who can solve it? Cometh the hour, cometh the Ayoade. He brings wisdom distilled from a life lived in relentless pursuit of Truth.

Afterthoughts goes beyond rumination, past pondering, probing further than ever before, drawing from a deeply private pool of a reservoir so refreshing you may never need to think again.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Comedy, British Literature, Essays

86 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 21, 2025

About the author

Richard Ellef Ayoade is a British comedian, film director, screenwriter, television presenter, actor, and author best known for his role as the socially awkward IT technician Maurice Moss in Channel 4 sitcom The IT Crowd, for which he won the 2014 BAFTA for Best Male Comedy Performance.

Reviews

[Allan Claydon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Feel like I'm being brutal, I find Ayoade a really funny actor and comedian. But this was bad.

I like the aphorism style of content, but there's maybe two or three in the entire book that I found interesting, and I found far fewer funny

Sorry :(

[Gary Ashdown · Rating 2 out of 5]

So this is what pays for Christmas presents at the Ayoade household?

[Enfys Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Clapping is basically just hitting yourself. That’s how much we dislike the success of others.”

[Ria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made me laugh out loud repeatedly, and some surprisingly astute observations amidst the dry humour.

[Alana · Rating 3 out of 5]

38. I asked Dad for a fish, but instead of giving me a fish, he said that he would teach me to fish; that way I'd always be able to feed myself. 'When?' I said. 'Now,' he said. 'Where?' I said. "The sea,' he said. 'But the sea is so far away,' I said. 'Get in the truck,' he said. ‘I'll explain the basics as we go.’ I was so hungry I found it hard to concentrate, and by the time we were on the water it was getting pretty dark, but he said he wasn't going to let either of us leave the catamaran until we caught something. It was the next morning before we snagged a tiny eel that looked like it had emerged from Satan's own anus. I was delirious with hunger and ready to eat it raw, but Dad said we couldn't: eel blood is poisonous. Then he said I would never amount to anything because I didn't understand people. He wasn't always the best dad, come to think of it.

i have such an unrepentant crush on him

[Kiera · Rating 3 out of 5]

pretty funny and classic ayoade humour

[Matt Tapp · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh to be famous enough to be able to shit out a compilation of tweets and charge a tenner for it

[rosie king · Rating 2 out of 5]

boringness and diarrhoea apparently!

love you richard but i laughed at about 8 of these im sorry

2/5💫

[Francesca Pashby · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am more than tickled by Richard Ayoade, but this is taking the piss!

Although it gave me something to read during a 45 minute pedicure, which was nice.

[milomatcha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book signed by Richard, he was a really kind guy and took a photo with me 🥲

[Maaike]

Het schuurt om Ayoades werk niet goed te vinden want dat is het, ongetwijfeld. Maar dit format... Daar had ik meer van verwacht.
Al zitten er dan verdorie goede oneliners bij.

[Sophie Gowers · Rating 3 out of 5]

13 year old me would have LOVED this and the proceeded to write 60% of it on post it notes for my wall.

[Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I prefer the reality of fiction."

Witty and insightful!

[Brittney Gonzalez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ll read whatever this guy puts out.

[Jed Richardson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Two words Very weird.

[Rosa · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this with a distinct discount, fairly confident that this rating would be the result... It will be gifted on, have no fear. This is an absolute pile of tosh, and I don't know what infuriates me more about it: is it that he clearly doesn't give a toss? Is it that the publishers went for such an easy cash grab? Is it that this is such a waste of materials that could have happily been used to create an actually good book? Is it that people will buy this thinking it will be good because of who it's by, be disappointed, and thus be put off buying books again in future? Truly, I cannot. There are maybe three or four funny lines in this. But they are surrounded by so much dross that you might miss them, and the dark irony of some of them being so bad... I shall stop there, lest I waste any more precious time.

[Kathryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

To quote the author himself, maybe the book is letting the cover down.

[Imaan Iddir · Rating 2 out of 5]

Richard Ayoade is funny, but this is a dressed-up collection of tweets, not a book. They included everything that seemed mildly relevant just to pad it out a bit.
Picture a bag of pistachios, 90% of them unopenable.

[Gavin Felgate · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's easiest to copy the blurb on the back of this book:

"Richard Ayoade has set down some of his most enormous thoughts for the benefit of all who dare to read them.

Thoughts like...

TV decectives need a gimmick. Mine would be not caring who did it.

If, when one door shuts, another door opens, there's something wrong with your doors. They shouldn't be doing that.

Where's the box to tick if you are a robot?

My mother used to say, 'Manners maketh the man', but I didn't think it was very mannerly of her to make fun of my lisp."

This book almost feels like a list of footnotes detached from the main text, but I enjoyed reading this. Most of the points were very relateable, though I'd maybe disagree with his agnostic views when the subject of God comes up.

Most people will recognise Richard Ayoade from the IT crowd, and this is the type of often self-deprecating humour that I've come to expect from him.

[Charlie St-St · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a gorgeous book for my bookshelf (actually it’s probably more of a coffee table feature) & I’m very happy to have a signed copy, but it’s difficult not to agree with other reviews that it seems like a quick “cash in” project. There are a few repeated points which makes me think it was thrown together quite quickly, & also the structure of these hundreds of random thoughts could be so much better.

I giggled quite a few times (see below) & there were some great insights to Ayoade’s brilliant mind. But ultimately I just can’t justify more than 3 stars, especially comparing it with other recent reads.

“There's something pessimistic about progressivism. To say things can keep getting better might be to imply nothing is ever good enough.”

“The word 'mostly' emphasises the exception.”

“No one has a crueller master than the self-employed.”

“Never, in my whole life, have I met a circle that's even slightly vicious.”

[Isabella Reeves · Rating 3 out of 5]

My favourites (aka the only ones I chuckled at):
• “a thought is as real as a bullet, and even harder to remove from your head”
• “it’s such a privilege to live in this country, but it’s not the kind of privilege that feels good to share” :(
• “cold hands can also mean a stopped heart”
• “just remember: 'The pen is mightier than the sword' is just something someone wrote.
Probably some nerd whom you could crush like a cheese puff.”
• “medical check-ups should be called pre-mortems” admittedly, this one got me more than it should have
• “the word ‘mostly’ emphasises the exception”
• “in fact, we should call famous people the celebritariat” the sociology student in me appreciated this

I love Richard, and pistachios, hence why I picked up this boom. I needed something light after reading Cosmos.

[Lauren Quebedeaux · Rating 5 out of 5]

Richard Ayoado can make me laugh out loud (in a way that really annoys my husband) with wry pearls (turds?) of "wisdom for the unreflective." His proverbs can be silly or sincere, or occasionally both. These upside-down axioms are a quick and frankly funny read with gems such as...

#36 - It's very important to listen to people, but we must never underestimate the joy of ignoring them.

#107 - Being early is a waste of my time.

#24 - It's hard to say 'sorry', especially with a straight face.

#25 - 'Sorry' isn't hard to say, it's just hard to mean.

And so on.

The brilliant bastard

[Pip · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in one day, but will definitely read it again by just dipping into. I was laughing out loud a lot of the time. A few times I had to read a statement more than once to get it. Some went right over my head. I loved the cleverness... more so because it is written with self-deprecating humour and pure silliness.
This would make a great gift book. It is ideal reading for a guest room or to tuck in the car.

[Milicent · Rating 3 out of 5]

In his defence, seeing him at the book tour for this he took quotes and made it incredibly funny and I’m so glad I got to see him deliver some of the best bits… however as a book it falls down. Just the weirdest thoughts in one place would be perfect but there’s a lot of filler common observations/critique and elements which just don’t have a zing so it felt like a missed opportunity after the great premise.

[Oscar Dent · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some fantastic thoughts in here, but few and far between. I think I expected more.

The trouble with a book of quotes from one person is that it is nearly impossible for it not to be frequently repetitive.

Short and sweet, with some great stuff, but by no means is this brilliant or a must read. Other Ayoade publications are far better.

[Kiki · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I'll tell you what really is 'all form and no content': a form."

If this statement made you laugh, you will enjoy this book. If this statement made you groan or roll your eyes, it's not for you. I love Richard Ayoade's silly humor, but I recognize it's not for everyone. I really enjoyed the absurdity of it. 😆

[JM Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would give it a 3.5 if I could.
1. I did this to myself, decided to buy his book in hardback before going to his show. But then I quite enjoy treating myself to a hardback book every now and then
2. I will most likely open this book on a random day and chuckle at some of the things on that page.

[Mr Keith · Rating 2 out of 5]

why do I do this to myself?

it was a gift, but it's the sort of "book" you could spin out yourself in about 30 minutes. not especially funny, not well crafted or written.

A short waste of time with a few decent lines.

[Sophia | Chaiteasophia · Rating 2 out of 5]

a short and sweet book of quotes, a lot shorter than I expected but a nice afternoon read. Maybe not what I expected - only a select few made me pause and ponder, maybe made me chuckle and most were just rather silly.

[Emma Pite · Rating 1 out of 5]

1. I bought this because Richard Ayoade wrote it. He & his publishers are banking on you doing the same.

2. To call this phoned in is an insult to Alexander Graham Bell.

3. There are 9 blank pages at the end of this book. Why? Nobody knows and certainly nobody cares. An afterthought indeed.