Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships

by Jessica Baum

Brought to you by Penguin.

An inspiring guide to fostering more security, intimacy and peace in our relationships, and in ourselves, from therapist and author of Anxiously Attached, Jessica Baum.

The topic of attachment theory has never been hotter, but going beyond simple types to uncover how you developed your unique attachment patterns and why you relate to others as you do is where the deepest insights can be revealed.

In this compassionate and practical guide, therapist Jessica Baum sheds light on the unprocessed attachment wounds that cause us to live in survival mode — and offers a roadmap for building safe relationships that can become the foundation for true healing. You’ll discover what fulfilling, joyful, secure love feels like and how to cultivate it using simple techniques that will help you move from 'fight or flight' mode to a place of trust and true closeness with the people you care about most.

Drawing on the brain science behind why we tend to repeat old, painful patterns, Safe shows you how to move toward relationships that provide the deeper connection and trust we all long for, in every area of our lives.


'A masterful integration of neuroscience, attachment theory, and real-world healing. Jessica Baum bridges clinical insight with deep compassion, offering readers a roadmap for transforming the way they relate to themselves and others.'
Julie Menanno, author of Secure Love

' Reading Safe felt like sitting down with a wise, compassionate friend who understands the ache of disconnection and the beauty of repair. Jessica Baum has written a roadmap for anyone yearning to feel secure, seen, and safe in their relationships.'
Mark Groves, Human Connection Specialist and co-author of Liberated Love

'Wonderful . . . a clear analysis of the relational dynamics of the healing journey and a clear path to achieving it.'
Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, co-authors of Getting the Love You Want

Jessica Baum 2025 (P) Penguin Audio 2025

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Relationships, Counselling

Audible Audio

Published October 30, 2025

About the author

Jessica Baum is the owner and founder of the Be Self-full® Method and the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach. She has an undergraduate degree from Fordham University and holds a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling from South University. As a certified substance abuse specialist, her focus is chemical abuse, codependency, and anxiety.

Jessica is also a certified Imago Therapist. Using the Imago approach, Jessica helps treat family systems and couples issues with an extensive knowledge on relationships. She also uses this approach in family programs she runs for treatment centers.

Jessica has extensive training in psychodrama and experiential therapy. She is also skilled in cognitive therapy and dialectical behavior therapy. She is trained in EMDR therapy and Post Induction Therapy and has done a copious amount of work with trauma. Through Be Self-full®, Jessica offers coaching services that support individuals and couples to form healthy, long-term relationships.

Reviews

[Michelle Cohen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is grounded, compassionate, deeply healing, and easy to read and understand.

I absolutely love how the book is structured — each chapter builds beautifully on the last, and the actionable steps/journal prompts make the insights truly usable in daily life. It’s clear that Jessica Baum’s work is well-researched, drawing on well-established attachment and trauma theories, yet written in a way that feels warm, accessible, and human.

Her authentic voice and vulnerability shine through every page; she writes with both clinical expertise and lived experience. Reading this while navigating a breakup has been profoundly healing, and it’s helping me understand my attachment style, re-pattern old dynamics, and gently move toward secure attachment.

More than a relationship book, Safe is a compassionate roadmap for coming home to yourself and creating relationships rooted in awareness, safety, and love.

[Qurenna Bayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an emotional read for me. I wish I went into it understanding her first book but it wasn't hard to follow.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a practical guide that goes beyond traditional attachment theory to incorporating theories such as polyvagal, right/left brain hemisphere, social baseline and healing implicit memories, among others.

I like the concept of a wheel of attachment rather than a single style and going beyond exploring our past relationship with our primary caregivers to every other childhood relationship.

The book is divided into 3 parts:

1. Searching for Safety
Explores early attachment, anchors (safe, nurturing relationships that make deep healing possible) and protectors (strategies we develop to keep us from drowning in the internal pain and fear we experience when our attachment wounds are awakened).

2. Coming Home to our Bodies
This section outlines practices for healing attachment wounds such as:
- Interoception: listening to the sensations happening in our bodies.
- Healing Our Younger Selves: listening for the embodied voices of our younger selves.
- Healing the Patterns That Keep Us Stuck: how patterns that formed in our childhood relationships often resurface in our adult relationships.

3. Living in Heartfelt Connection
Comprised of 3 chapters:
i. Knowing When to Stay - and When It’s Time to Go
ii. What Happens When We Heal
iii. Reaching Your Safe Harbor

There are detailed progressive practices that are recommended to be done with a "co-anchor/listening partner". These can also be found on her website as guided meditations: https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/success-m...

[Annien · Rating 5 out of 5]

SAFE goes deeper into the long game of healing. It isn’t meant to be a quick fix and it can be uncomfortable, but i also think it's kind of the point.

What really stands out is how much care and vulnerability the author has poured into every page. She doesn’t assume readers have secure memories to draw from; she actually helps you create that internal sense of safety through mindfulness, visualization, and co-regulation practices, so you can start creating new emotional wiring, even if your early experiences didn’t offer that. It’s less about revisiting old wounds and more about learning what calm and safety actually feel like now.
For me, what makes her work so powerful is the grounded mix of attachment theory, neuroscience, and lived experience which makes her work accessible and deeply human. Her clinical background and compassion are clear: she names therapy as an important companion to this book, not a replacement for it.

I highly recommend SAFE, it is a book that I will return to time and time again to work on my sense of safety, not just in my own skin, but also with others.

[Jessica Hicks · Rating 3 out of 5]

Baum’s first book, Anxiously Attached, was so great. If you go back and read my review you’ll see that I related to it intensely and I appreciated that it was mostly a book about managing anxiety. So I was surprised when I read this book and found I wasn’t connecting with it. The theme of the book is healing from attachment trauma with the support of a partner, close friend, or even the author herself- acknowledging that we inherently need people. Throughout the book are many meditations in which you visualize safe people from your past so you can internalize those supporters and heal from the traumatic ones. I just really struggled to find memories of secure attachments from my childhood- which really made me feel empty and sad. I wonder if a disclaimer at the beginning of the book about who this book can help vs who should skip the book and get therapy could prevent others from feeing this way? I do think it could be very beneficial for people with mild to moderate trauma though. Thank you for the gifted copy, Tarcher Books.

[Travis Ambrose · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a fantastic resource for the literal practice of inner child work that is at the foundation of attachment healing work. A lot of people will talk about inner child work and say "do the work", without much clarity on what that actually means.

Well folks, this book is it.

It's filled with prompts and guided meditations that you can do on your own, but the author wisely encourages you to do it with a trusted anchor, whether it be a friend, partner, therapist or coach, because the most significant healing happens between people.

If you’re a therapist or coach, you’ll appreciate how the practices are grounded in relational neuroscience, polyvagal theory, and clear parallels with Internal Family Systems. There’s a good chance you’ll walk away with fresh insights and tools for your clinical or coaching toolkit

Whether you're a self healer or practitioner, it's definitely worth having on your shelf.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Certain parts of the book moved me deeply and unexpectedly. I was surprised by how much of myself I recognized while reading. Some moments even brought me to tears, and that in itself felt really healing. I also love the concept of The Wheel of Attachment. Overall, I found this book unique and practical. The exercises helped me connect with parts of myself I haven’t been able to before. I also really love the guided audio practices and meditations that come with it. I read the author’s first book and I feel this one goes a bit deeper now that I have a better understanding of my attachment patterns. I highly recommend it!

[LaurenB · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST READ for a deeper understanding of Attachment and how to heal attachment wounds. Honestly, the most in depth understanding of how to create secure attachment. I used this book with my therapist and it was like years of therapy in one book. The science it in was insane and I have a deep understanding of how to actually heal attachment patterns rather then just understanding what they are.
I learned I have more than one and different ones show up with different relationships. I was even able to notice a trauma bond that I am in. I have the tools now to at least see things more clearly. This is a very deep book that makes you feel into a lot, read it if you want real change.

[Cassie Mae · Rating 5 out of 5]

SAFE is the kind of book you do not just read. You experience it.
Jessica takes complex neuroscience and attachment theory and makes it not only understandable but also useful in everyday life. I kept stopping to underline passages because they described emotional patterns I have struggled with for years.

What I loved most is how empowering this book is. Instead of focusing on what is wrong, it shows you how to gently shift old relational patterns, reconnect to your body, and feel secure from the inside out. The tools are compassionate, grounded, and immediately helpful.

Anyone who wants healthier relationships with themselves or others needs this book. It is that good.

[Antonella Hermans · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book touched parts of me I didn’t even realize were still aching. Jessica writes with such warmth and wisdom—her gentle, grounded approach helps you truly understand your attachment wounds and how they shape your relationships. Every page radiates her compassion and deep empathy.

SAFE invited me to slow down, notice my triggers with kindness, and begin to imagine what genuine, secure love can feel like. If you’ve ever felt unsafe in love or stuck in painful patterns, this book offers a path toward healing and wholeness from the inside out.

[enchantingprose · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting read. The author did wonderful narration. Most of the book presses about doing the inner child work to eventually diminish the triggers around painful memories. There were stories of people and how their attachments / triggers affected their relationships. Not enough solutions for me other than years of therapy.

I did enjoy the tidbit fact that neuron pathways restructure after telling a painful story and receiving sympathy from others. Group therapy should theoretically work. Also safe partners and friends .

[Alexandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baum blends clear psychology with real-life tools, helping readers understand their patterns and build emotional safety from the inside out. Her writing is warm, accessible, and validating, making complex ideas feel easy to apply.

A must-read for anyone looking to strengthen connection — with themselves and others. It really is empowering and heartfelt roadmap for anyone seeking healthier, more secure relationships.

[Luisa Piano · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed the way I understand myself and the patterns I repeat in my relationships.
Jessica explains attachment in such a clear, easy, and compassionate way that I felt seen in every chapter. I learned how my body reacts to stress, fear, and intimacy, and I finally have the tools that actually help me feel secure.
This is the book I will keep on my nightstand and recommend to everyone I care about.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very deep and profound read, went deeper then any therapist ever had. I understand secure attachment and my own patterns so much better!! A must read for healing thank you Jessica!

[Alison Sperling · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book annoying, and could not get into it.