This Is What You Wanted

by Sarah Dawson Powell

When we were kids, they told us we couldn't be together.
We didn't listen.
Now, we're adults and don't know how to be apart... or together.


EmmaThere is no future for us. We let this lie live for too long, let it feel so real that even we believed it.

I’m tired of living two lives, not really knowing who I am, and believing River can be someone he can’t.

This is it. It’s time for us to move on, count our losses and figure out what life apart looks like.

Even as I speak the words and tell River it’s the way it must be, I can’t help but wonder if I will ever find someone who knows me—knows my mind, my secrets, my body—as well as he does.RiverEmma is out of her mind. She thinks we can walk away from one another like our lives aren’t so intertwined that I can’t even tell where she ends and I begin.

She is a part of me, the reason I am who I am.

I hear her words and understand her reasons, but I refuse to accept them. When I think about the future, she is there in the starring role, the center of everything, and she is mine.

Emma wants to put a stop to our double life, but it’s impossible. My heart is hers, and if she leaves me, she will take it with her along with all my—our—secrets.

This book contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some readers as it contains dark and triggering content. This book is intended for readers 18+. Please read responsibly.

Genres: Adult

310 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 9, 2025

About the author

Sarah Dawson Powell was born and raised in the suburbs of Chicago, and currently lives in Central Illinois with her kidlings and too many cats. Her hobbies include doing laundry, washing dishes, petting cats, writing, reading, and talking to kids who have selective hearing. In her spare time, she enjoys working sixty hours a week, sleeping, and drinking lots of coffee. When she grows up, she wants to change the world.

Sarah has a bachelor's degree in sociology from the University of Illinois and has worked in social services since graduating. Her life hasn't always been peachy, but she's made the best of every situation. No one likes to talk about the dark side of life- addiction, domestic violence, abortion, rape, teen pregnancy, suicide, mental illness, child abuse & neglect, etc.- so she decided to write books that would give people a glimpse inside of this world. She hopes her readers take something away from her stories and loves to interact with them on social media.

Follow Sarah on Facebook for subpar stolen memes & occasional updates about her books/writing:

www.facebook.com/authorsarahdawsonpowell
Twitter: @sarahpowell8
Instagram: sarah_dawson_powell

Reviews

[Kelsey H · Rating 4 out of 5]

FMC - Emma: 5 🌟
MMC - River: 4 🌟
SPICE: 🌶 🌶 🌶 🌶

I've been in a taboo romance mood lately, and this hit the spot perfectly! The turbulent relationship between Emma and River was such a high, and I ended up reading the whole thing in just a few hours because I couldn't put it down. And that was some of the best spicy scenes I've read in a while!!

As much as I enjoyed the highs and lows of Emma and River's relationship, and as much as I loved River's dominant personality, there were a few moments where he was just too vindictive and hypocritical for me to truly love his character. Video calling Emma while he's having sex with someone else and lashing out like he sometimes does? Yes, it makes him seem like a very real and believable character. But personally, I wouldn't stick around for someone like that 🤷‍♀️

But overall I really enjoyed this!! I know I'm a quick reader the way it is, but it really says something when I devour a book in less than a day lol

Thank you to Torch Lit Ink and author Sarah Dawson Powell for the opportunity to read this ARC 💕

[Summer · Rating 5 out of 5]

~My Review~
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🌶🌶🌶🌶

~This Is What You Wanted~Sarah Dawson Powell~

"We need to stop letting our fear make decisions for us."

♡This was my first read by Sarah & it will definitely not be my last! This story was dark, twisty, emotional, forbidden, & oh so spicy. Don't let the cute cover fool you & check your triggers because some of the content in this book is anything but cute & could be very heavy for some.

With that being said this story follows Emma & River who started as best friends who fell in love to then become step-cousins, forbidden to be together by their messed up families. Emma & River determined to be together leave for the same college, far away from what is keeping them apart, but will that be enough to keep them together?

If you like forbidden romances that lean towards the dark side with a gripping plot, the perfect amount of spice, & twists that will give you whiplash look no further!♡

~As Always Happy Reading~

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

⚠️PLEASE check the trigger warnings before reading.⚠️

The book was good. It kept me wanting to read more and see if River and Emma could get out of their heads and be comfortable enough not to care what others thought. It's hard when society has a certain view of what a relationship should be and not judge those of relationships. But, sometimes, that doesn't happen.

River and Emma. . . their relationship was toxic and volatile. The things they did to one another, I couldn't believe. The reasons behind the negative behavior didn't seem reasonable to me, especially when you truly cared and loved someone. Also, some of the decisions River decided didn't sit with me well, too. When River and Emma weren't fighting, their relationship was good. They were good to one another.

My heart broke for River for the relationship he lacked with his parents. I wish he could have the relationship he had with his great-grandmother and Aunt Christy.

Thank you to the author and @TorchLitInk for providing ARC for an honest review.

[Rhiannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

✨ ARC Review ✨ This Is What You Wanted by Sarah Dawson Powell - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

⚠️ First things first: make sure you check the TWs before diving in. Things get hectic in this story, and some themes could be heavy for certain readers.

Okay, where to start… this one took me a little while to get into. Both River and Emma are toxic AF at times and honestly a bit unstable, which made it hard to connect with them in the beginning.

The story is a friends-to-step-cousins-to-lovers romance, and the first almost half of the book focuses on that shift—told through flashbacks and a sometimes tricky-to-follow timeline. But once we finally get to the point where they tell their families, the book started to get really interesting. The family reactions felt fair and realistic, which I appreciated.

For context: Emma and River were best friends as kids. When they were ten, her dad met his aunty at one of their birthday parties, and later the two adults got together. That turned the best friends into step-cousins—but with no blood relation. By then, they were already inseparable, and if you ask River, it was undeniable… written in the stars.

As we learned more about both MCs, I found myself connecting with them more. Then came a plot twist I didn’t see coming. Once it hit, I thought I knew who was behind it all—and I was right!

I really liked how the story wrapped up with a HEA. It wasn’t all rainbows and instant dreams fulfilled, but instead felt grounded—two people still working toward their hopes and goals while being together.

[Lindsey Kelley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had a hard time following This Is What You Wanted. The storyline felt a bit confusing at times, and I just couldn’t fully connect with the characters. The “friends to step-cousins to lovers” trope really wasn’t for me, and I realized it’s not the type of romance I enjoy reading. While the writing had potential, the plot and relationship dynamics didn’t click with my personal taste.

[BrekkfastAtTiffanys · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had a difficult time getting into this book. I loved the tropes, and the spice level. Some things I didn't love was lack of depth of the MC's and I personally would have loved more of a plot to solidify everything going on in the book. The pacing was good, and the spice starts right away so it could just be this wasn't my vibe. I read the other reviews here before posting mine and it looks like I'm definitely an outlier as most readers enjoyed this book quite a bit. I may go back to it again a later time to re-read though and if so, will update my review again!

[Amanda Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is going to sound like a not so good review at first, but I promise it is. When I first started this, it kinda started to feel repetitive. After they told their family about them is when I got more into it. It gave I dont care what people think or say and I liked that alot bc I can relate (not the step cousin thing, just life in general) then the plot twist happened that I absolutely did not see coming and boy I was surprised and finished it immediately. Overall, I loved the book but do check the tw before you read it.

[Lindsey's Literary Leanings · Rating 5 out of 5]

Intense, Dark, Compelling

Genres: Contemporary Fiction/Graphic Content

This Is What You Wanted by Sarah Dawson Powell- author 🫦

Fate had brought them together, but it was the fate of others that had seemingly jeopardised their envisioned future. Friends first, and then soul mates, they had been thrown unwittingly into another role, derailing their original course, or so they were lead to believe for many years. With absolute blind faith in what they know to be meant for them, River and Emma determine to do what it takes to enable them to live their truth, unaware that someone is prepared to go to horrifying and insidious lengths, such is their strength of feeling, to ensure that they play the parts that life has dealt them.
Even though this is Sarah Dawson Powell’s third stand alone novel, it is also staggeringly her sixteenth book, and I am very pleased to say that I have read all of them. Sarah writes about individuals or groups of people who find themselves in testing circumstances, and explores the mindset of these characters and how and why they choose to react in the way they do, or leaves the reader to come to their own conclusions, making her narratives extremely thought provoking as well as uncomfortable at times. There is nearly always a number of moral dilemmas and a multitude of options as to how resolution might be sought, keeping the reader guessing as to what her characters will do next. Many of whom are very often disconcertingly but also excitingly unpredictable. 📖

So, when I delved below the beautiful cover of this book, this author’s books are always decorated with poignant designs using a stunning spectrum of colours, I came across its list of triggers, the execution of which, really are at the heart of this heart-breaking, emotional and evoking storyline. Now, having read every instalment of Sarah’s thirteen part book series ‘The Fragile Line’, seeing these triggers didn’t phase me, remembering it was, after all an SDP novel. Once I’d experienced the sexual shenanigans of Sadie Montgomery, I didn’t think that there was much more that could phase me, especially after the F.L’s final chapter. If you haven’t read it, I would advise it as a warm up, as River and Emma’s explicit exploits feel like they are on another level, not that this is a cause for complaint unless you have a delicate nature. I have a ‘trigger’ and have had to DNF a couple of books because of it. I did not want to do this with ‘This Is What You Wanted’ as this particular trigger was at a point in the novel where I felt invested in the characters enough to really want to see the novel through to the end. All of this author’s female leads are strong willed and level headed, and Emma is no exception. This facet of the character helped when reading this section of the book. I concentrated on how Emma was handling it rather than what was happening to her. It was also thankfully, short lived. This whole scene is filled with a suspense that made me forget to breathe and certain aspects turned my stomach, as eloquent and detailed as it is, and as I went onto the next chapter, concerning River’s point of view, it left me feeling both anxious to return to what was happening with Emma and exhilarated that she had handled such a heinous ordeal with such presence of mind and so stoically. 🔦🔑

I immediately took to both of Sarah’s main characters, River and Emma, loving their relaxed, playful energy with each other that could get equally as hot. Both secure in their bond, but also harbouring an insecurity and paranoia that their very lifeline could be cut at any second by the other, if one of them should uncover the hidden strength to take the more conventional route that has been expected of them. Their passion and need for each other would conjure envy in the most deeply devoted couple, and yet at the same time, they are both internally struggling with the complexities of their relationship. The turmoil in both of them is tangible, but this only serves to fuel their feelings when they are able to express them. 💜🌶🌶

There are many plot twists in this story of dysfunctional dynamics, a narcissistic neighbour and many carnal occurrences. I personally know very little about the main subject matter but, as ever with Sarah’s writing, the reader can guarantee an authentic literary journey with her usual injection of shock value to add a little spice, (quite a lot actually). I unfortunately had read a novel earlier this year which dealt with the same subject, and therefore was aware of the final revelation but was still impressed with the way it was executed. This is a well composed narrative with all the elements I mentioned at the beginning of this write up. The mention of ‘Mile 258’ was cleverly snuck in, but I also wondered how interesting it would have been to have incorporated River’s job with the incarceration of a certain band member. 📖

[Loriana · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

Thank you to Torch Lit Ink for the opportunity to read and review this ARC.

Trigger Warning:
Before diving into this book, please check the trigger warnings. This is a dark romance featuring a step-cousins-to-lovers trope with heavy themes including emotional and physical altercations, cheating, and toxicity. It’s not for everyone, but if you're into messy, raw, and deeply flawed love stories, buckle in.

Holy toxic relationship, Batman! This book was a whirlwind of chaos, heartbreak, and undeniable chemistry. Emma and River have been tangled in a push/pull dynamic for over a decade. Their connection is intense, sometimes beautifully tender, often volatile, and constantly teetering on the edge of implosion.

Told through a mix of present day and flashbacks, their story is complicated and layered in secrets, guilt, and emotional turmoil. The recurring line “This is what you wanted” is used brilliantly throughout the book, its meaning shifting each time it’s uttered, adding depth and heartbreak.

River is not an easy character to like in the first half. He’s arrogant, cruel, and emotionally stunted. Emma, while more sympathetic, has her own flaws. But as the story progresses, we start to understand the why behind their actions. Does that excuse it? No. But it adds complexity.

By the halfway mark, the layers start to peel back. River’s growth, while slow and messy, does happen. And while I don’t condone some of his actions, I appreciated the emotional unpacking. These two are toxic but also deeply intertwined, and strangely, right for each other in their own chaotic way.

There’s a gut-punch twist toward the end that I partially saw coming, but it still hit hard. And the emotional fallout? Oof. Just know that a HEA awaits. After all the hurt, they do get their moment of peace and healing. And honestly? They earned it.

[Nikki B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is what you wanted is a taboo, forbidden relationship story.
River and Emma's story is a little complex. They are step cousins and feel like there shouldn't be anything wrong with their relationship since they aren't blood related. They are both head over heels for each other but won't commit to only each other unless they do it right and tell the family. They have a lot of on again off again moment. River's behavior infuriated me most of the time. He claims to want Emma so badly, yet, found himself in bed with so many other women, only to then claim it wasn't worth it. Emma accepting him back after it all was just driving me insane. I feel like we took really long to get to the plot of the story. It was a lot of back and forth with Emma and River and what their relationship was like, which was very toxic.
I was kind of shocked at Emma during the time she was taken. She never panicked or broke. She stayed calm and went along with what was expected of her until she had an out. I suspected the correct person behind it the whole time. It was predictable.
There is one thing that I don't remember being brought up again that I keep wondering if I skipped pages by accident or missed something, but the whole situation with River and the downstairs neighbor and her filming him was never brought up or mentioned again. I just wondered what happened with that. I really thought that subplot was going to somewhere and then it didn't.
Overall, I'd say the story was an interesting read. It is captivating, but it was a little too all over the place for me. I wish we had gotten to the plot sooner and had more happen on that front with the kidnapping portion. I would still recommend this book though.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a emotional story of two people determined to be together no matter what anyone else thought.

As kids, Emma and River met and became friends. Later, their friendship led to Emma's father marrying River's aunt turning them into step-cousins. As they grow up, they are inseparable and their friendship blossoms into a relationship, but they keep it a secret from their families. Now they are 24 years old and Emma is tired of hiding. She breaks up with River and tells him they have to move on. River is determined to show Emma that he is the only one for her and that they belong together, but how will they tell their family? And what happens when others try to tear them apart?

It took me a little while to get into this story. I liked how Emma and River were childhood friends first and then became step-cousins because of their connection. I did feel a little bit like River was manipulating Emma with how he was following her. Also, I felt like the characters could have had a little more depth to them. I didn't feel like I could really connect with the characters because their relationship was almost the only thing that I knew about them. The tension with their family and some of the ensuing chaos really felt realistic to me since I'm sure that a variety of reactions would occur. Also, I liked how River really came through when Emma was in danger and did everything he could for her. Overall, I did enjoy the story and if the tropes sound good to you then I would recommend giving it a try.

[Desi · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 ⭐️ rounded up

I was really on the fence debating if I wanted to give this one 2.5 or 3 stars. Unfortunately, I went with the lower of the two mostly due to the fact that I felt like I read two completely different books that diverged around 50%.

The first half is spicy, taboo step cousins in love and I really enjoyed the overall story of Emma and River having met and become friends as children before River's aunt married Emma's dad. Their backstory was complex and honestly River's was pretty tragic and gave a pretty clear picture as to why he is so attached to Emma and distraught at the prospect of losing her. Emma also had a sad story, but definitely less so than River.

As far as the second half goes, I just... didn't enjoy how it felt like a light switch flipped and I fell into a completely different book. I knew something was going to happen based on the description of the book, but just didn't know to expect that. Even with the twist, I just didn't enjoy the story and might have if it actually broke into two books with the 50% mark being the cliffhanger of the first book.

So unfortunately, I wouldn't recommend this specific book, but will absolutely be diving into some of Powell's other books for the spice, because that was definitely the highlight of this book. Well done and very s3xy.

Thank you to Torch Lit Ink for a copy of this novel in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Itty Biti Book Nook · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emma and River meet as little kids and become best friends. Because of their friendship Emma’s dad meets River’s aunt and they get married. Fast forward to the teenage years and Emma and River are still inseparable but now they’ve become involved and are keeping it secret from their families because… hello! Step cousins! They end up going to the same college and living together while continuing their rollercoaster of a relationship. They finally decide to say “f*ck it!” And tell everyone that they’re together and have been for nearly 10 years. We get the obvious reactions of disgust, disappointment and just completely not understanding (with Noni being the wildcard, voicing her approval). This starts the point where all hell breaks loose in this book with a twist I did not see coming.

Check your TW on this book. My dark, depraved soul loved this, but there are some really dark and heavy themes in this one that are definitely not for everyone. The step-cousin thing doesn’t phase me (beyond the fact that they keep bringing it up repeatedly), they aren’t blood relatives, so get after it, you guys! But Emma and River’s relationship is completely codependent and seggsy time plays a HUGE role. River has some completely unhinged, stalker tendencies and I’m here for it! If your into dark romances and the TW aren’t an issue for you, I definitely recommend adding this to your TBR!

[AJANIMAL · Rating 4 out of 5]

What It’s About:
A dark, emotionally intense story that blends obsession, trauma, and morally gray choices with a romance you’re not sure you should root for—but absolutely will. It’s about control, survival, and the blurred lines between protection and possession.

What Stuck With Me:
This book was a lot, in the best possible way. The plot went places I didn’t expect. The emotional damage was real. And the characters? Messed up, but impossible to look away from. It made me feel everything—anger, sorrow, hope, confusion—and I loved it for that.

What You’ll Find Here:
A relationship full of red flags—but also chemistry you can’t deny
Twists you absolutely will not see coming
Trauma, power imbalances, blurred morality, and a gut-punch ending
A mix of dark romance, suspense, and psychological chaos

Content Warning:
Definitely not light reading. This book deals with themes like kidnapping and violence—handle with care and make sure to read the Trigger warnings before reading!!!

Recommended For:
Readers who love dark romance that gets under your skin, characters who make bad decisions for complicated reasons, and a story that spirals in all the ways you didn’t expect. If you liked Haunting Adeline or Twisted Love but wanted more trauma and less predictability… this is what you wanted.

[The Literature Lizard · Rating 4 out of 5]

✨ARC Review✨

▪️This Is What You Wanted by Sarah D. Powell
▪️Standalone Dual POV | 310 Pages

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/🌶️🌶️.5

Thank you to Torch Lit Ink and Sarah for providing me with an advanced copy of Sweet Silver Bells. As always, my opinions are my own!

What to Expect:
💜Step-cousins to Lovers
🖤No 3rd Act Breakup
💜Forbidden Love
🖤Stalker
💜Kidnapping
🖤Taboo
💜Childhood Friends
🖤Curvy, badass FMC

First of all, the dedication? Perfect! ⬇️
“This book is for the ones who saw stepcousins to lovers and said, 'Sonofabitch, I'm in.'”

Second of all, YES!! Obsessed with River and Emma. Their relationship, while mildly toxic as they try to figure out what they want, is hot asf and taboo as hell and I’m here for it. It was a roller coaster while reading about these two. Once they finally figured out what they actually wanted and put in the work to make it happen, I was on the edge of my seat as they told the world.

This book covers some incredibly heavy topics on page, so please read the trigger warnings before reading this book.

The only thing I struggled with was the timelines, and repetitive information. It was sometimes hard to figure out if we were reading something from the past, or something current and it kept returning to moments in time and repeating information we had already learned about. Despite that, I was obsessed!!

[Reva Scherer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had me hooked from the prologue! Taboo story with heavy parts and a HEA!

River and Emma were destined to be together but when they become step cousins through marriage they hide their relationship and things get complicated. Do they keep hiding in secret? Split ways? Or tell the truth? Reading their story unfolding had me hooked as there was drama from the very start in the produce! We loved an unhinged mmc over here! It took me a bit to get all the characters together and remember who was who, but that’s no fault to the author. Throughout the book there was a good mix of steamy parts and good plot! There were multiple moments of ‘I have to keep reading, and can’t put this book down’ Just when I thought the plot peaked, I was pleasantly surprised for more! There are dark and heavy parts so be sure to check trigger warnings! The last part of the book felt/wrapped up very quickly after having peaked with such a big plot but ended with a HEA for most of the characters! Good quick read for me! This was the first book of Sarah Dawson Powell I’ve read, and I definitely intend to read more!

[Anouk · Rating 3 out of 5]

We all know why I signed up for this 👀

I was intrigued by the friends-to-step-cousins-to-lovers trope, and I'm glad to say that the taboo element was handled in a way that really drew me in. The tension of their families being weirded out by or unaccepting of their relationship seemed believable, and the characters themselves were written with flaws that made them feel like real people rather than fictional characters who can do no wrong.
That said, Emma and River are both undeniably toxic and do things that I wouldn't be able to forgive in a partner - such as cheating and other questionable things. Still, they match each other's freak and are equally messy. Their relationship relied heavily on sexual intimacy, to the point where it gave off the impression that they're mostly together because of the sex and not because they actually liked and loved each other…

Sometimes the timeline was confusing with illogical time jumps and flashbacks that didn't make sense, disrupting the flow of the story.

On top of that, the darker themes kinda disturbed me, so I'd strongly recommend checking the trigger warnings before reading.

3 ⭐️ ARC Review

[Mary Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I still enjoyed this story, I could only rate it 3 stars for several reasons. While I loved both MCs, I felt both of them were extremely toxic at times. River more then Emma but I just couldn’t justify the reasoning sometime. However, I did love his development through out the novel. Emma was so strong thought the whole story from being real about what was going on to the entire lie they were keeping. The ending and plot twist was unexpected and it made sense once you seen who was behind it all.

The reason for the 3 star rating? I felt extremely confused at times. It felt like we were jumping into flashbacks in the middle of present timelines out of no where. The beginning portion is where i found this happening a lot. Once we got to the 50% mark things went a lot smoother. Personally I just don’t vibe with the toxic love thing. It’s totally a me thing and I was not really expecting that aspect since it was not listed in the triggers or tropes.





Thank you to Torch Lit Ink for the opportunity to read & review this arc 🫶🏼

[Ené · Rating 3 out of 5]

there has to be a limits to toxic when you just want to be happy.

I picked this up knowing it was taboo, but tbf they were friends before becoming step-cousins.

I wanted to love this in its entirety, but Emma frustrated me to all hell. But I am glad for how (most) of their family took to the news. They were dramatic enough together, had their family done anything else it would've been adding more to the flames of their own doing.

But I do love how it was logical, in a sense. They, and everyone around them, were more than aware of the truth of their relationship. It's a bit hard to swallow but they swallowed it. It went some ways ahead by the midpoint and I wanted to say I didn't expect it, but the trigger warnings had--well, for lack of a better word--warned me and I was just waiting for it to happen. But it still would have come out of left field, because how exactly did that happen? Why exactly did it happen?

The ending was good though. Or at least, I liked how the characters dealt with the outcome of everything.

[Vania - My Little Book Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emma and River’s story is addictive, full of twists, drama, and just the right amount of suspense. I loved how the plot kept me guessing, though the beginning felt a little slow at times before everything really kicked off. This step cousin to lovers dynamic adds tension and taboo, and the story handles it well without feeling exploitative. The HEA is satisfying, and the pacing picks up nicely once the stakes get higher, making it a page turner overall.

The chemistry between Emma and River is intense and fiery, with plenty of steamy scenes that never overshadow the plot. The characters are messy, passionate, and surprisingly relatable, and the balance of drama, spice, and suspense works really well. My only tiny quibble is that the ending wrapped up a bit quickly after all the buildup, but it still left me smiling. A great first read from Sarah Dawson Powell and I think I’ll be checking out her other books!

Thank you to Sarah Dawson Powell for the copy of this book 😀

[Miranda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an ARC read for me. 3.5 ⭐️

I had a hard time following the storyline. It felt a bit confusing at times, and I just couldn’t fully connect with the characters. The “friends to step-cousins to lovers” trope is different. I really liked how the story wrapped up with a HEA. It wasn’t all rainbows and instant dreams fulfilled, but instead felt grounded. Two people still working toward their hopes and goals while being together.

I personally would have loved more of a plot to solidify everything going on in the book. The pacing was good, and the spice starts right away. I did feel a little bit like River was manipulating Emma with how he was following her. I didn't feel like I could really connect with the characters because their relationship was the only thing that I knew about them, if there was some backstory about the two of them separately it might have made me feel a little bit different about the storyline.

[jen’s white noise · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I do not care. We never have to go back home again. We can make our own family."

(Let me just say I loved this book)
Emma & River. Screaming is what I did for most of this book. Between the refusal to face their family to the absolute nonsensical way they dealt with their trauma, their feelings, and their anger. BUT I couldn't stop reading. I couldn't get enough. And then add in the intrigue and this turned into a romantic suspense! I am hooked to Sarah Dawson Powell's writing and can't wait for more.

Their families are so dense, so irritating, and so selfish. I was so sad, proud, happy, distressed, all the feelings while they worked through the mess of their lives. All caused by their family. Ugh!

I loved this book. 5 star read for me!

I received this eARC for free and my review is voluntary. Thank you so the author and Torch Lit Ink for the opportunity to read this early copy!

[Sarah Rizk · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're into spicy books with....

💥a curvy fmc
💥toxic relationship
💥taboo relationship
💥possessive mmc
💥childhood friends
💥family drama
💥and a full list of menu options....I mean trigger warnings

Then check this one out!

When I received this book the other day, I had every intention of waiting until the weekend, but couldn't resist taking a peek. Well that peek turned into me devouring the entire book in one sitting. Chores-"ehh they'll be there later." Developmental edits on my current wip- "I'll work on them tomorrow." Kids- "That's what Dad is here for." 😅 And when it was over, I sat there for a bit not knowing what to do with myself because I wanted more.

I found their relationship absolutely fascinating. They very clearly are very passionate for one another, but at the same time a lot of their actions do scream that they grew up together. 😅 And then, I won't ruin anything, but that ending was a bit of a mind f***- in a good way.

[Carly Fay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Not sure how else I can sum this book up.

Emma & River were fated be together since the day they were born. On the same day. In the same hospital.

There are so many twists & turns in this book, it keeps you guessing the entire way through. Just when you think they will get their HEA, the plot twists again.

They encounter disapproving family & massive trauma, but this doesn’t dampen their need for each other. The spicy scenes are spot on, & there are plenty of them throughout the story. I literally couldn’t put this down, & stayed up far too late with a need to see how their story ended - & I wasn’t disappointed. Emma & River, despite & because of everything they’ve been through, finally get their HEA & I’m so glad I was along for the ride. Fasten your seatbelt for this one, you’ll need it but it’ll be so worth it.

[SinfulReadsByV · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emma and River’s story is complicated from the very first few chapters. But that’s exactly what makes it so heartbreaking. This isn’t a light romance; it’s heavy, emotional, and complicated. Both characters are torn between love and family and Sarah wrote this to make you feel every ounce of that struggle.
What I loved:
The emotional parts-this book had me hooked and hurting right along with the characters. Had me rooting for their HEA.
The dark edges-there are heavy, triggering moments, but they made the story feel real.
And what happens at the club-that I did not see that coming! Nice twist Sarah!
If you love dark, emotional taboo romances with flawed, memorable characters, this one needs to be on your list. Before you turn the page, check the trigger warnings since this has some sensitive subjects.

[Susan (Purplegalaxyreads94) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Huge shoutout to torchlitink for the opportunity to be an ARC reader for This Is What You Wanted by Sarah Dawson Powell. Now onto my nonspoiler review!

This book packed such a punch that I honestly didn’t see coming. I knew the premise of this book based off of the blurb but reading it for myself definitely took me a such an emotional journey that I wasn’t expecting. The psychological chaos that was in this book lead me to feeling all the feels when it comes to our MC’s. It was like a train wreck. You knew it would be traumatic but you couldn’t look away from it and I mean that in the best way possible.

River and Emma were two very emotionally challenged people and their relationship was everything wrong but had me still hoping for the best for them. The family dynamics, the trauma, the struggle of trying to walk away from something you feel is wrong but in your heart it feels right. The full blown red flags and the way the characters handled trying to move in with their lives but not being able to see anything besides each other. The constant bickering, fighting and possessiveness they had over each other followed them for years. The blurred lines between what was right and wrong were so hard to even see where their future would lead them.

All in all, this book took me on a rollercoaster of emotions and I’m honestly glad I read this book. This author did an amazing job of bringing such a taboo type of romance to light and the pressures that come from the psychological stress the MCs had over their relationship.

[Crystal Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Holy freaking moly! This love story was not easy to get to. This two characters were put through the wringer to get to their HEA to say the least. They went from childhood best friends, to step cousins, to lovers. Whew! River and Emma had some major toxicity in their life. And let’s just say, read all warnings before starting this book, it’s a heavy one. River believes that’s they have always been meant to be, they were destined to be together from the beginning, but it took a lot for them to get there. And talk about plot twists, wow! This couple went through it. Their journey was up and down, full of highs and lows. When they were good, it was amazing, but their lows, it was painful. And the outside elements of their relationship were against them too. Just be prepared for. Very toxic relationship, but it’s so worth it to watch them grow and learn on this journey.

[The Plot Thickens Book Club · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reviewed by Sarah on behalf of The Plot Thickens Book Club
Title: This is what you wanted
Author: Sarah Dawson Powell
Rating:⭐️⭐️⭐️
this story follows Emma and River as they try to find a way to be together without feeling that they shouldn’t be together because they are step cousins.
i wasn’t sure if i like river at the beginning but the more the story progressed the more i felt for him and the struggles they were facing.
it took me a little while to fully get into the story in this book and by a third of the way through i was invested and wanted to see how their story played out.
there was a major twist in the story that i did not see coming but really enjoyed the suspense.
Please read the trigger warnings before reading some difficult topics covered in this book.

[Augustina Martinez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emma and River’s friendship began in childhood, blossoming into an unbreakable bond. Their connection proved to be more than just harmless playdates—thanks to their friendship, Emma’s father met River’s aunt, leading to an unexpected marriage that intertwined their families. As they navigated their teenage years, their friendship deepened into something more profound and romantic. They kept their relationship a secret, aware of the complexities that came with being step-cousins. Now, as they both embark on their college journey, living together, they face the thrilling adventure of love, passion, and the challenges of maintaining their connection despite the odds. Their story is one of resilience, proving that true love can thrive even in the most complicated of circumstances.

[Amanda✨️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful, heartbreaking, and hauntingly real

This book left me emotionally raw in the best and worst ways. Emma and River's story is intense, two people bound by something deeper than love, yet torn apart by the weight of their past and their secrets. Their connection is undeniable, but so is their pain.

The author does an incredible job capturing that feeling of wanting something so badly, even when you know it might never work. It’s messy, emotional, and at times, difficult to read, but that’s what made it feel so real. I felt their love, their confusion, their grief. It stays with you.

Overall, this story made me feel, and sometimes, that’s exactly what I want from a book.

Please do check the content warnings. This one isn’t light, but it is powerful.