I Miss You: a First Look at Death

by Pat Thomas, Lesley Harker (Illustrator)

When a close friend or family member dies, it can be sad for kids and difficult for them to express the big feelings they are experiencing. This book will help explain in a gentle way that death is a natural complement to life and that grief and a sense of loss are normal feelings to have following the death of a loved one.  Parents, teachers, and gift givers will
The A First Look At series promotes positive interaction among children, parents, and teachers, and encourages kids to ask questions and confront difficult social and emotional questions. Books feature appealing full-color illustrations on every page plus a page of advice to parents and teachers. What parents and educators are

Genres: Grief, Death, Picture Books, Childrens, Parenting, Nonfiction, Family

28 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

There is more than one Pat Thomas in the Goodreads catalog. This entry focuses on Pat^Thomas, children's author.

Pat is a trained psychotherapist, naturopath and journalist. After working as a journalist and broadcaster in the USA, she now works in the field of child development and writes for various publications including 'Practical Parenting'.

Reviews

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

"When someone you love dies, it can be hard to do all the normal things you did before. You may not feel like seeing your friends or joining in groups. You may feel very alone."

[Behzad · Rating 3 out of 5]

ایدۀ محوری اینه که نباید مرگ رو از کودک پنهان کرد. کودک به بزرگتر نگاه میکنه و الگو میگیره که چه رویکردی دربرابر مرگ داشته باشه. اگه رویکرد انکار و پنهان کاری و سرکوب غم باشه، کودک هم یاد میگیره همین کار رو بکنه. اگر رویکرد ما پذیرش مرگ همچون بخشی طبیعی از زندگی و کنار اومدن باشه، کودک هم همینطور یاد میگیره.
نقاشی ها قشنگ بودن.
کتاب خیلی کوتاه بود.

[itselv]

Educational. Very well done.

[Kajsa Jonsson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Summary
This book is about death and how you could feel or think when someone that you know dies. This book also explains what death means, what happens when someone dies, how you could think to feel better, how different cultures do when someone dies and that death is a natural part of life. Through the entire book, you follow a girl who loses what seems like her grandma. You could see from the pictures how the girl is feeling, what she thinks about death and what she remembers of her grandma.

Major themes
Death and the first time you lose someone close to you

Personal response
When I was little, I was very scared of death. I wanted to know what happens after you die and why you die. I would have wanted to give this book to myself as a child. Even though this is a hard subject to read about, it is important since it is a natural part of life. I really believe that this could be a great book to read to children who have lost someone close to them to make them feel better and to show those children that what they are feeling are totally normal and fine. It also explains how you could think about death to feel better about it which I think is very good.

Why I recommend this book
I would absolutely recommend this book to those who need help or material to bring up these tough subjects with their children or students who might have lost someone close to them. The book provides questions that helps you talk about different things related to death.

[Randie D. Camp, M.S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book introduces the concepts of death and grief in a simple way. There are sections where the author is directly asking the child questions to help them process their thoughts and feelings and share their experiences. I feel the raindrop/ocean metaphor is a little too abstract and could confuse some children. My six-year-old did not like the ocean idea at all, he believes a soul should travel up into the clouds and not down into water...we believe in Heaven, so that might be a culture bias on our part. The illustrations are done in soft watercolors, which is soothing and peaceful. Overall, I feel this is a great tool for opening discussions about death with children, it is not too overwhelming and is general enough to apply to many situations.

[Elizabeth Chan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The version of the book I read has a different cover but I assume it is the same book.

The book addresses some difficult content. I don’t think my four year old understood but I think it is important to make it okay to talk about death and dying.

The book begins by saying how people are born and they die. In movies, only bad people die but in real life, good people die too.

It explains what funerals are.

It explains that when a person is dead, their body no longer works. They are not breathing, their heart does not beat. They are not sleeping.

It talks about the difficult feelings around a loved one dying and how it can feel like a part of you is dying too.

It has some questions to prompt discussions with children.

It also talks about different cultural conceptions about death and dying and the concept of the soul.

[Kris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good basic book that covers many aspects of how a child might feel when someone they love dies. It addresses guilt and fear and attending a funeral and what different cultures believe happens after death. This is going to go a long way in reassuring kids that they are normal and their emotions are normal.

[Esmeralda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a perfect book to help children learn about death.

[June · Rating 4 out of 5]

A simple look at death (part of the natural process) and the grieving process.

[Lynnae Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Miss You: A First Look At Death is a book that helps children who have lost a loved one, learn how to cope with grieving. It helps them to understanding the emotions they are feeling and to let them know that its normal to feel that way when losing someone they love. This book is pretty straight forward while still being age appropriate. It lets the reader know the different ways people can die such as illness, old age, and tragic accidents and it goes through the steps that are taken and the feelings that are felt after the death. The funeral, the sadness, the anger, and the happy memories are all mentioned in this book. The part I like most about this story is that there are several sections in the book called "what about you?". These sections ask the reader questions and gives them a chance to share their personal experience. Some examples of these questions are "Has anyone you know died? How did they die" and "After someone dies it is normal to feel sad, angry, guilty, afraid, and even happy. What are you feeling?" The illustrations are clear and express what the reader may be feeling in the easiest way possible. This book can be used for a teacher or parent when helping a child cope with death. This picture book is intended for children age 4-8.

[Raven Black · Rating 3 out of 5]

While not loving this book, it is a nice introduction to the theme of the death of a loved one. Most likely for ages 4 to 6.

[Ynya · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great children’s book on death, but maybe a little to factually heavy. Overall pretty good book about death for children to read.

[Rosana Olivas]

I Miss You is a children’s book about understanding death. The book details what death is on a physiological level such as the heart and breath stopping. The book also delves into the processes surrounding death such as hospitals and funeral services. Lastly, the book spends most of its time on explaining emotions surrounding death and how to deal with them. This helps introduce the grieving process to children and normalize emotions that come along such as anger, sadness, and loneliness. It even touches on different cultural and religious beliefs involving death such as the afterlife, reincarnation, and the existence of souls. This book deals with life events as mostly every child deals with death and grief to some capacity. Whether it’s a goldfish, a family dog, or a grandparent, it is an important process to familiarize children with. In “Decoding the images: How picture books work”, Nodelman states that, “Nevertheless, the actions implied within the pictures are never the same as those named in words.” (Nodelman 137). This is true within I Miss You as the text speaks in objective terms while the pictures display a subjective story. The story shown through the images of I Miss You display a young girl missing her grandmother who has passed away and dealing with the grieving process of that specific bereavement.

[Annah Neumire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Death is inevitable. It is sad but true. Every living thing comes to an end at some point. It is a rough topic, but it is one that does need to be explored with children. I feel strongly about this because I personally experienced first-hand just how hard death can be on a child. Even at 12 years old, I was not ready for such a tragedy and I think many people dismiss the children. "They are grieving as much as the parent; as the friend; as the teacher.." Those are all words I heard when my brother died.

Looking at a book like this and discussing it with children can honestly save a life. This book will prepare, the best you can, children for what they are sure to experience at some point in their lifetime. It may not happen when they are a child...but it might, so giving them the tools to come to terms with and cope with death is extremely important. I think the author did a great job writing in an understandable language for children, which is very important when looking at a book of this nature.

I do not feel this book would be appropriate in a school, but I do think parents need to take initiative and save their child from learning what death is by encountering it first-hand.

[Cyndie Courtney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read with an eye for wether this would be a good book to recommend for children to read after the loss of a pet. While an excellent book, this book definitely seems like it is more targeted to the loss of a person in their life. It does do a good job explaining what exactly death is (i.e. what it means when the body stops working.) As a veterinarian though, I think I will likely to continue to recommend books that might feel more specific when families ask me for resources for their kids after the loss of a pet such as The Smart Kid's Guide to Losing a Pet or The Goodbye Book

[Meredith · Rating 3 out of 5]

This picture book introduces the concept of death, describes the different emotional responses, and touches on the afterlife.

I liked how death is described as a natural and inevitable part of life and that death isn't just something that happens to old people. The book does a great job describing how a person may feel followed the death of a loved one although it doesn't use the word "grief." It concludes with the idea of a soul, which is found across cultures.

Personally, I would have preferred a completely secular book without the mention of a soul or afterlife, but other than that, this would be extremely useful to use when discussing death with young children. There are sidebar questions, asking children about their own experience, and a guide about how to use this book is included at the back.

[Divine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very factual. The book is very straightforward and explains that all living things grow and then eventually die. It explains that people no longer do the things they did while living after they've died.The book explains different ways people can die. It even explains funerals and what people do at that ceremony. I would recommend this book because it also explains how it's normal to feel different ways and assures children that you shouldn't blame yourself for things you said to them for why they died. This book would be good for ages 4+ because honestly anyone could benefit from it. This book was very informative. I feel like it's best for at home to be read by parents/family.

[Maddie Buell · Rating 5 out of 5]

A self-help book for kids that addresses loss and grief head on. Particularly good for children who have experienced loss themselves, or have been affected by a loss in some way. Perhaps a parent or a friend has experienced a loss, but that loss doesn’t necessarily affect the child—this book can help the child understand the grief of others.

I like this book because it talks about why people die: old age, sickness, or unexpected tragedy. It also walks through what a funeral is and what happens there. It talks about how many different people believe different things about what happens to the soul after a person dies. This book doesn’t dance around death. It talks about it in very straightforward yet developmentally appropriate ways.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a sensitive subject this covered most aspect of death and dying. Death is a natural part of life and there are many ways people die. All types of people die.

Missing people is covered, as well as sometimes it can take time and you don't always feel the same.

It talks about how people might go to a funeral.

"As time goes on you will realize that no one is completely gone as long as you can remember the one you love."

I have been trying to build up our schools death and dying collection. We've had the need for these types of books.

[Prabhat sharma · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas, Hindi language translation by Vidushak- Children’s Illustrated Colour Picture Book- The book helps to make children aware of death and about how each person reacts after knowledge of death. Death can be caused by old age, illness, road accident, taking the body for a burial, opportunity to speak at the burial. How children and elders should feel better because death is a natural part of life. Coloured pictures narrate the death of a girl’s grandma. I have the Hindi language translation of this book.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is way above my tween's reading level- however he lost his great-grandmother (Grand Oma) in 2019 and then his grandmother (Oma) August 4th, 2020, so I thought we'd read this together in an effort for him to begin to process his emotions. I thought it was really well done, but would have liked them to touch on all types of demises (sudden health, accidental, long-chronic, short-chronic, etc.- though they touch on some, they don't touch on all).

[Karen Cockerill · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a powerful book. This helped us answer a variety of questions and provide coping skills. Don’t wait for someone to pass away to buy this one. It could be used for a pet or to help a whole classroom of children understand another child’s loss and feelings.

It really helped address the acting up that comes with death and is so difficult for little ones to verbalize

A must have for every family and classroom

[Lieca Brown Hohner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another perfect helper book for kids. I particularly like that a) it starts off very blatantly; b) it includes the feel that the child could possibly have done or said something more (a very real and valid feeling); c) that there isn't a lot known about death; d) it includes other cultures; e) it ends with a lovely passage that those we love remain with us if we remember them.

[Rebekah Richards · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was also a great childrens informational picture book that helps children learn about the difficult topic of death. It was informational in a way that is easy for kids to understand. It also helped me as a teacher on how might be the best way to explain hard things like death.

[Neeli · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent conversation starter about a sensitive topic. The illustrations had enough detail in them to evoke further conversations. Highly recommended for young children. A must for every school and public library.

[Joanna Crawford · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great, simple book about death, presented in a kind but matter-of-fact way.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very important book for children about the process of grief and death.

[Tiff · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful way to explain death, especially to children. It is very simple yet comforting. The book is honest and to the point.

[Ł e X I E · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great resource for parents to show their kids when dealing with grief.

[Trevor · Rating 4 out of 5]

A simple, straight to the point tool for speaking to children practically about death.