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Your Body Will Never Be Found
"If you’re here, you’re clearly lost. What you do next will determine if you stay that way."
It’s hard to truly get lost in 2025, but Arden trusted his GPS in the deep, rural woods of Georgia, where satellite signals don’t reach. Now he, his wife Laurie, and their two children, traveling back home after a fun weekend away, have run out of gas next to a house displaying a very unwelcoming sign.
The porch light turns on. A large man with a shotgun emerges. As he walks slowly toward their car, the family has no idea how bad their night is about to become…
From the Bram Stoker and Splatterpunk-Award winning author of Pressure, My Pretties, and Bring Her Back comes Jeff Strand’s most brutal and unrelenting nightmare so far.
"Fast-paced, intense, and brutal. This book is a dark-humored beast." — Jeff Menapace, author of BAD GAMES and WILDLIFE.
It’s hard to truly get lost in 2025, but Arden trusted his GPS in the deep, rural woods of Georgia, where satellite signals don’t reach. Now he, his wife Laurie, and their two children, traveling back home after a fun weekend away, have run out of gas next to a house displaying a very unwelcoming sign.
The porch light turns on. A large man with a shotgun emerges. As he walks slowly toward their car, the family has no idea how bad their night is about to become…
From the Bram Stoker and Splatterpunk-Award winning author of Pressure, My Pretties, and Bring Her Back comes Jeff Strand’s most brutal and unrelenting nightmare so far.
"Fast-paced, intense, and brutal. This book is a dark-humored beast." — Jeff Menapace, author of BAD GAMES and WILDLIFE.
222 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 22, 2025
184 people are currently reading
500 people want to read
About the author
Jeff Strand
230 books2,220 followersBram Stoker Award-winning author of a bunch of demented books, including PRESSURE, DWELLER, CLOWNS VS. SPIDERS, AUTUMN BLEEDS INTO WINTER, MY PRETTIES, the official novelization of ATTACK OF THE KILLER TOMATOES, and lots of others!
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 89 reviews
October 17, 2025
Electric. My stomach needs to settle from all the retching and laughing. What a rush.
December 21, 2025
Laurie, Arden and their two kids Nick and Misty have car troubles in a remote country site. They lost their way. Hardly any phone reception. Then they see a house nearby. Will anybody help them? Finch, a man with a shotgun talks to them... from then on you're on a roller coaster ride. You feel there's something evil going on and hope no harm will meet the family. But of course it comes otherwise. Extremely compelling, brutal, violent, fast paced story that reminded a bit on the Last House on the Left. Will any member of the family survive? Brilliant creeper with nice narration that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Disturbing, jaw dropping horror. One of his very best so far. Highly recommended!
July 17, 2025
I think it’s safe to say that this surpassed PRESSURE and DEATHLESS as Jeff Strand’s darkest story. And I don’t say that lightly.
For the first half of the book, I was fairly sure this would be WRONG TURN meeting FUNNY GAMES, but Strand managed to take this in another direction, keeping me guessing right to the end.
Super violent and realistic…ahem, for all those naysayers out there who insists that there aren’t really people like this in the world, I learned over time that I can explain certain things to people but I can’t understand it for them too, so let’s just say:
Yes, there fucking-well is, and bless your little heart.
Where was I?
Oh yes, I can honestly not remember ever being this tense while reading a Strand book, and he manages to sustain that feeling for most of the story, so beware and don’t underestimate the depth of depravity this story goes to.
On a personal note –
I am really worried about Jeff, have been for a while, to be honest. I saw a photo on social media that seemed like a severe cry for help…black licorice ice-cream. A part of me hopes that I read that wrong, because I don’t know where you can go from there. Raw, unwashed skunk anus soufflé?
I have kept these thoughts to myself for a long time, but I feel I must do, at the very least, my due diligence:
Jeff, blink twice if Bridgett’s stories are traumatizing you.
For the first half of the book, I was fairly sure this would be WRONG TURN meeting FUNNY GAMES, but Strand managed to take this in another direction, keeping me guessing right to the end.
Super violent and realistic…ahem, for all those naysayers out there who insists that there aren’t really people like this in the world, I learned over time that I can explain certain things to people but I can’t understand it for them too, so let’s just say:
Yes, there fucking-well is, and bless your little heart.
Where was I?
Oh yes, I can honestly not remember ever being this tense while reading a Strand book, and he manages to sustain that feeling for most of the story, so beware and don’t underestimate the depth of depravity this story goes to.
On a personal note –
I am really worried about Jeff, have been for a while, to be honest. I saw a photo on social media that seemed like a severe cry for help…black licorice ice-cream. A part of me hopes that I read that wrong, because I don’t know where you can go from there. Raw, unwashed skunk anus soufflé?
I have kept these thoughts to myself for a long time, but I feel I must do, at the very least, my due diligence:
Jeff, blink twice if Bridgett’s stories are traumatizing you.
November 8, 2025
What Would You Do If You Broke Down in the Woods?
Small backstory:
Arden with his wife Laurie and their two children, Nick and Misty end up getting lost in the backwoods of Georgia even though Arden was relying on his GPS which didn't help. But when they end up running out of gas in the driveway of a house with a warning sign things do not bode well especially when a man comes walking out of the house with a shotgun!
When Misty needs to use the bathroom is when things become escalated as the man tells them that she can use the bathroom in the house - Arden decides to take Misty and go inside. However as time goes by with no return from Misty or Arden, then Laurie starts to panic as to why is it taking so long?!
That is about all I can hand out with a small backstory so if you want to know more then go read this book!
Thoughts:
Wow!! This book was freaking brutal with tons of tension, tons of extreme situations, and tons of psychological terror that just took me on a horror ride into the unknown! I kind of flew through this book as there was just so much happening that it was hard to put down!
I really liked all the characters in this book - even the villains I considered true villains as they were evil enough to make me root more for the family and less for the villains.
This book also made me think as I have driven desolate roads before with hardly any traffic and being out in the middle of nowhere. What would happen if I broke down - I would be at the mercy of whoever came along. The author, Jeff Strand takes those fears of the unknown traveler and takes it to the next level as no one knows what kind of people live out in the woods whether they will be helpful or not.
So if you want a book that will keep you up all hours of the night and you don't mind some extreme splatter situations then go read this book! Giving this book five "Killer Thriller Chiller" stars!
Small backstory:
Arden with his wife Laurie and their two children, Nick and Misty end up getting lost in the backwoods of Georgia even though Arden was relying on his GPS which didn't help. But when they end up running out of gas in the driveway of a house with a warning sign things do not bode well especially when a man comes walking out of the house with a shotgun!
When Misty needs to use the bathroom is when things become escalated as the man tells them that she can use the bathroom in the house - Arden decides to take Misty and go inside. However as time goes by with no return from Misty or Arden, then Laurie starts to panic as to why is it taking so long?!
That is about all I can hand out with a small backstory so if you want to know more then go read this book!
Thoughts:
Wow!! This book was freaking brutal with tons of tension, tons of extreme situations, and tons of psychological terror that just took me on a horror ride into the unknown! I kind of flew through this book as there was just so much happening that it was hard to put down!
I really liked all the characters in this book - even the villains I considered true villains as they were evil enough to make me root more for the family and less for the villains.
This book also made me think as I have driven desolate roads before with hardly any traffic and being out in the middle of nowhere. What would happen if I broke down - I would be at the mercy of whoever came along. The author, Jeff Strand takes those fears of the unknown traveler and takes it to the next level as no one knows what kind of people live out in the woods whether they will be helpful or not.
So if you want a book that will keep you up all hours of the night and you don't mind some extreme splatter situations then go read this book! Giving this book five "Killer Thriller Chiller" stars!
September 1, 2025
Gruesome, Unpredictable, and Absolutely Thrilling!
Wow! What an adrenaline rush! Your Body Will Never Be Found by Jeff Strand, kept me glued to the pages (yes, that’s an insensitive joke about what happened to Misty). I only paused my reading because I had no choice. I liked the character development, the plot, and the fact that I never knew what was going to happen next. This story isn’t for the faint of heart. I highly recommend it if you enjoy extreme horror. You’ll have a blast.
Wow! What an adrenaline rush! Your Body Will Never Be Found by Jeff Strand, kept me glued to the pages (yes, that’s an insensitive joke about what happened to Misty). I only paused my reading because I had no choice. I liked the character development, the plot, and the fact that I never knew what was going to happen next. This story isn’t for the faint of heart. I highly recommend it if you enjoy extreme horror. You’ll have a blast.
September 18, 2025
man my heart fell to my ass so many times while reading this book, I’m not even joking.
September 13, 2025
Your Body Will Never Be Found [2025] by Jeff Strand
My Review 5 Stars
How would you feel if your car just ran out of gas, you heard a tire blow, and you were hopelessly lost in “the deep, rural woods of Georgia, where satellite signals don’t reach”? What if your wife, teenage son, and 6-year-old little girl were with you in that “beached” vehicle in a sea of strangeness? You have read the oddly ominous threat embedded in the message on the property owner’s sign. You are a veteran reader of these novels like me, and you are ticking off the couple or three ways this scenario is going to play out. Oops! A big dude with a shotgun just emerged from the house and is walking slowly toward your car and family. Are you ready for…
Is there anyone reading this sentence that has never heard the name “Jeff Strand” (rhetorical question). How many readers knows a dignified amount of information about him? Oops! Not so many nods. BTW I am not nodding along with you! The knowledge deficit about this incredibly talented dude is about to diminish in size so pay attention.
Born in Baltimore, he was freezing his tiny derriere off in Fairbanks, Alaska by the time he was six months old. He was relocated to Kent, Ohio and attended the first day of his high school years at Theodore Roosevelt High School . Graduated in 1989 and went on to major in creative writing. But Strand did not abandon his “day job” to write full-time until a surprising 20 years later in 2015. He called Duluth, Minnesota “home” and so was the beginning of his writing career and the retort of the Starting Pistol.
A quarter of a century ago Jeff penned a novel titled “Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) This published work would draw the line in the sand by which Strand would become known by his peers and the reading public, the horror-comedy style It was in this way that "The Clown Prince of Horror" was born. I would like to share a bit of the information I found on his writing style. His writing is often defined by its dark humor and sparse prose style. Strand has named authors Richard Laymon and Jack Ketchum as influencing his writing; also, Douglas Adams and Dave Barry.
Jeff Strand is a very versatile and wildly successful author of quite a list of popular novels, many award-winning. His works are being adapted to the screen, and it may be accurate to state that he is versatile and can deftly change tones and strategies on the fly. It is very entertaining to read about his host of accomplishments.
Klaus Kinion is a very knowledgeable guy, and I respect his recommendations, in retrospect now ecstatic that I followed his suggestion to pick up a copy of “Your Body Will Never Be Found” [2025].
I loved the book. The plotline was original which was a perk I hardly expected. The pace of the terror and the accompanying chase or action was unrelenting, with little allotted time to even breathe. The author enriched the main storyline by periodically inserting flashbacks which were helpful to the reader in beaucoup ways. Character enrichment is achieved with little back stories, but more over in this case it was done in my opinion to allow the reader a much closer glimpse into the psyche of the “good guys” and to some extent the villainous captors. The writing is whipcord tight; desperation and tears feeling almost being absorbed telepathically. I loved the way the author wrote the brutal scenes of struggle between the bad actors and the family members. The reader was not drowned with credibility gaps but rather the bloody encounters were described realistically and with believable outcomes to the engagements.
This book is a winner. It is perhaps the best survival story in the backwoods I have ever read. I will definitely read more Jeff Strand. I am also checking out Klaus Kinian’s debut novella. The part I have read thus far is chilling.
“THE CLOWN PRINCE OF HORROR” An Exceptional 5-STAR READ In 2025
My Review 5 Stars
“If you’re here, you’re clearly lost. What you do next will determine if you stay that way.”
How would you feel if your car just ran out of gas, you heard a tire blow, and you were hopelessly lost in “the deep, rural woods of Georgia, where satellite signals don’t reach”? What if your wife, teenage son, and 6-year-old little girl were with you in that “beached” vehicle in a sea of strangeness? You have read the oddly ominous threat embedded in the message on the property owner’s sign. You are a veteran reader of these novels like me, and you are ticking off the couple or three ways this scenario is going to play out. Oops! A big dude with a shotgun just emerged from the house and is walking slowly toward your car and family. Are you ready for…
Jeff Strand’s most brutal and unrelenting nightmare so far.
Is there anyone reading this sentence that has never heard the name “Jeff Strand” (rhetorical question). How many readers knows a dignified amount of information about him? Oops! Not so many nods. BTW I am not nodding along with you! The knowledge deficit about this incredibly talented dude is about to diminish in size so pay attention.
Born in Baltimore, he was freezing his tiny derriere off in Fairbanks, Alaska by the time he was six months old. He was relocated to Kent, Ohio and attended the first day of his high school years at Theodore Roosevelt High School . Graduated in 1989 and went on to major in creative writing. But Strand did not abandon his “day job” to write full-time until a surprising 20 years later in 2015. He called Duluth, Minnesota “home” and so was the beginning of his writing career and the retort of the Starting Pistol.
A quarter of a century ago Jeff penned a novel titled “Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) This published work would draw the line in the sand by which Strand would become known by his peers and the reading public, the horror-comedy style It was in this way that "The Clown Prince of Horror" was born. I would like to share a bit of the information I found on his writing style. His writing is often defined by its dark humor and sparse prose style. Strand has named authors Richard Laymon and Jack Ketchum as influencing his writing; also, Douglas Adams and Dave Barry.
Jeff Strand is a very versatile and wildly successful author of quite a list of popular novels, many award-winning. His works are being adapted to the screen, and it may be accurate to state that he is versatile and can deftly change tones and strategies on the fly. It is very entertaining to read about his host of accomplishments.
Klaus Kinion is a very knowledgeable guy, and I respect his recommendations, in retrospect now ecstatic that I followed his suggestion to pick up a copy of “Your Body Will Never Be Found” [2025].
I loved the book. The plotline was original which was a perk I hardly expected. The pace of the terror and the accompanying chase or action was unrelenting, with little allotted time to even breathe. The author enriched the main storyline by periodically inserting flashbacks which were helpful to the reader in beaucoup ways. Character enrichment is achieved with little back stories, but more over in this case it was done in my opinion to allow the reader a much closer glimpse into the psyche of the “good guys” and to some extent the villainous captors. The writing is whipcord tight; desperation and tears feeling almost being absorbed telepathically. I loved the way the author wrote the brutal scenes of struggle between the bad actors and the family members. The reader was not drowned with credibility gaps but rather the bloody encounters were described realistically and with believable outcomes to the engagements.
This book is a winner. It is perhaps the best survival story in the backwoods I have ever read. I will definitely read more Jeff Strand. I am also checking out Klaus Kinian’s debut novella. The part I have read thus far is chilling.
“THE CLOWN PRINCE OF HORROR” An Exceptional 5-STAR READ In 2025
October 30, 2025
Bloody Goodness
Strand has done it, again, and somehow made carnage feel both hilarious and satisfying. Good bloody fun and a testament to the endurance of the human body and Strand's imagination.
Strand has done it, again, and somehow made carnage feel both hilarious and satisfying. Good bloody fun and a testament to the endurance of the human body and Strand's imagination.
August 5, 2025
So much!!!
First book by this author and I can say I had no idea what I was getting into so many twisted insane situations several parts hit me unexpectedly and sent this book to another level all its own to the author great job and I will be looking forward to reading more sometime soon. WOW oh WOw what a read!!!
First book by this author and I can say I had no idea what I was getting into so many twisted insane situations several parts hit me unexpectedly and sent this book to another level all its own to the author great job and I will be looking forward to reading more sometime soon. WOW oh WOw what a read!!!
July 14, 2025
Jeff Strand at his brutal best. I mean...damn.
October 23, 2025
*paperback signed
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️♾️
“‘Only a complete idiot runs out of gas,’ Arden said four days ago, at the beginning of the long weekend. They’d now have to amend that to include drivers who unwaveringly followed the GPS directions, even when their wives suggested multiple times that it didn’t seem like the correct route.”
“If you’re here, you’re clearly lost. What you do next will determine if you stay that way.”
“To her, it was a wood chopping axe. And if Finch, or the other guy, tried to defy an angry mother, it would become a flesh chopping axe.”
I was lucky enough to meet this Jeff Strand at the FrightReads Book Festival at the Howard County Fairgrounds on 9/14. It was a fun event and I met so many great new to me authors. I can’t wait to do it again next year.
I stayed up until 1am reading this book and finished at 10:25 am that same morning. It was a page turner for sure. I was so stressed, like beyond stressed…like get up and shut & lock the door stressed. Definitely a compulsive read!
In fact, this is hands down THE BEST HORROR NOVEL I’ve ever read. It’s everything I want in a horror novel, character development, blood, guts, kills, crazed lunatic/slashers running around, unsettling atmospheric vibes, it was just depraved….completely unhinged. Truly the ultimate gore fest. Highly recommend if you can stomach it.
That being said please for the love of God check trigger warnings first because holy sh!t it taps into so many triggers. Calling this book nightmare fuel is an understatement. It’s see of your seat terrifying.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️♾️
“‘Only a complete idiot runs out of gas,’ Arden said four days ago, at the beginning of the long weekend. They’d now have to amend that to include drivers who unwaveringly followed the GPS directions, even when their wives suggested multiple times that it didn’t seem like the correct route.”
“If you’re here, you’re clearly lost. What you do next will determine if you stay that way.”
“To her, it was a wood chopping axe. And if Finch, or the other guy, tried to defy an angry mother, it would become a flesh chopping axe.”
I was lucky enough to meet this Jeff Strand at the FrightReads Book Festival at the Howard County Fairgrounds on 9/14. It was a fun event and I met so many great new to me authors. I can’t wait to do it again next year.
I stayed up until 1am reading this book and finished at 10:25 am that same morning. It was a page turner for sure. I was so stressed, like beyond stressed…like get up and shut & lock the door stressed. Definitely a compulsive read!
In fact, this is hands down THE BEST HORROR NOVEL I’ve ever read. It’s everything I want in a horror novel, character development, blood, guts, kills, crazed lunatic/slashers running around, unsettling atmospheric vibes, it was just depraved….completely unhinged. Truly the ultimate gore fest. Highly recommend if you can stomach it.
That being said please for the love of God check trigger warnings first because holy sh!t it taps into so many triggers. Calling this book nightmare fuel is an understatement. It’s see of your seat terrifying.
January 26, 2026
3.5⭐️ Nice fast paced in Strand style I know & love to get me out of my reading slump that was coming. And got me into the mood for some horror/Splatterpunk that I’ve not read in awhile👏🏻👏🏻
July 29, 2025
"Your body will never be found... wait, never mind, there it is, it fell in between the couch cushions again."
For a book with such dark subject matter, you can tell Monsieur Strand had a lot of fun writing it. I've never seen such an on-the-spectrum discussion about making someone hump a dead body before lol
For a book with such dark subject matter, you can tell Monsieur Strand had a lot of fun writing it. I've never seen such an on-the-spectrum discussion about making someone hump a dead body before lol
January 18, 2026
I’m a big Strand fan, but this story has been done before. I don’t know what to rate this one - it was a read and I did want to know how it ended. Strand is usually funny and a lot of the lines (especially from the crazy woman and Finch) were cringe. The scene with the father and son really took the book down a couple notches for me. Mean spirited in not a fun way. Strand has MUCH stronger works.
December 22, 2025
I don't think Jeff Strand is for me. Every book I've read of his is very dialogue heavy with said dialogue being very strange, characters acting extremely weird; none of his characters even feel like real people. His books are just... weird... and with a writing style I just don't vibe with. I don't know how else to explain it.
I'm not trying to diss the author or anything, his books just aren't my cup of tea, and I think this one will be my last. If you enjoy Strand's work more power to you.
I'm not trying to diss the author or anything, his books just aren't my cup of tea, and I think this one will be my last. If you enjoy Strand's work more power to you.
August 3, 2025
I really enjoyed this book definitely 5 stars
Check your trigger warnings
Check your trigger warnings
July 24, 2025
Review: Your Body Will Never Be Found
Author: Jeff Strand
Synopsis: A family takes a wrong turn—thanks, GPS—and bad things ensue. Shocking. Groundbreaking. Never been done before. (Cough; Wrong Turn called. It wants its premise back.)
Review:
Look, I’ve been a Jeff Strand fan for years. His novellas usually dance the fine line between gleefully grotesque and weirdly insightful. You laugh, you cringe, you maybe question your morals—and that’s the fun.
But this mess? It reads like Strand said, “Plot? Who needs it. Character development? Meh. Let’s just explode some torsos and call it a day.” What we’re left with is a nonstop geyser of blood-soaked chaos, with all the emotional resonance of a soggy paper towel.
It technically fits into the splatterpunk genre, sure—but it’s more like Splatterjunk. There’s no purpose, no point, and definitely no pulse. Just a frenzied gore-fest that forgets what made Strand’s earlier work worth reading in the first place: actual substance behind the slaughter.
Author: Jeff Strand
Synopsis: A family takes a wrong turn—thanks, GPS—and bad things ensue. Shocking. Groundbreaking. Never been done before. (Cough; Wrong Turn called. It wants its premise back.)
Review:
Look, I’ve been a Jeff Strand fan for years. His novellas usually dance the fine line between gleefully grotesque and weirdly insightful. You laugh, you cringe, you maybe question your morals—and that’s the fun.
But this mess? It reads like Strand said, “Plot? Who needs it. Character development? Meh. Let’s just explode some torsos and call it a day.” What we’re left with is a nonstop geyser of blood-soaked chaos, with all the emotional resonance of a soggy paper towel.
It technically fits into the splatterpunk genre, sure—but it’s more like Splatterjunk. There’s no purpose, no point, and definitely no pulse. Just a frenzied gore-fest that forgets what made Strand’s earlier work worth reading in the first place: actual substance behind the slaughter.
July 23, 2025
This was great, read it in one day
September 19, 2025
False advertising. The bodies were, in fact, all found.
I don't know how to feel about this book. I spent the first half feeling like it was a one star read purely because of how unlikable (and uninteresting) the characters were to me. (Characters can be unlikable, but they can't be uninteresting. Pick a struggle). I didn't root for the killers because it felt like they were part of a bad SNL skit. I didn't root for the family because they felt generic.
Halfway through, I got a bit invested in the two parents, so things started to pick up for me. I thought that making the parents interesting at the halfway point was going to be an intentional choice, especially with Finch (one of the killers) constantly spouting off about how he wants his victims to have hope so that they struggle more. In his own words:
I thought that maybe, just maybe this book was going to do something interesting and bait the reader in the same way--give them hope that the family might live, only to rip it away. There's almost something of the classic tragedy in that: to know that the protagonist is doomed, but to hope for better even as you anticipate the worst.
That would have been much more satisfying than what actually happens.
TL;DR: Splatterpunk novel does the splattering, but not much else, when it could have done more.
I don't know how to feel about this book. I spent the first half feeling like it was a one star read purely because of how unlikable (and uninteresting) the characters were to me. (Characters can be unlikable, but they can't be uninteresting. Pick a struggle). I didn't root for the killers because it felt like they were part of a bad SNL skit. I didn't root for the family because they felt generic.
Halfway through, I got a bit invested in the two parents, so things started to pick up for me. I thought that making the parents interesting at the halfway point was going to be an intentional choice, especially with Finch (one of the killers) constantly spouting off about how he wants his victims to have hope so that they struggle more. In his own words:
"I want you to have hope. I want you to think you can get out of this. It's cruel on my part, because I'll be honest--you're not getting out of this...All of you will be dead by tomorrow morning. But I don't want you to stop believing you'll escape."
I thought that maybe, just maybe this book was going to do something interesting and bait the reader in the same way--give them hope that the family might live, only to rip it away. There's almost something of the classic tragedy in that: to know that the protagonist is doomed, but to hope for better even as you anticipate the worst.
That would have been much more satisfying than what actually happens.
TL;DR: Splatterpunk novel does the splattering, but not much else, when it could have done more.
December 15, 2025
This was a fun quick read.
A poor family stumbles upon the wrong house. What happens next is nothing short of carnage until the book finishes.
It felt like watching one of those B movie horrors.
A bit silly. A lot unrealistic, but fun nonetheless.
I’d recommend this to any readers who enjoy the more violent sides of horror.
A poor family stumbles upon the wrong house. What happens next is nothing short of carnage until the book finishes.
It felt like watching one of those B movie horrors.
A bit silly. A lot unrealistic, but fun nonetheless.
I’d recommend this to any readers who enjoy the more violent sides of horror.
July 23, 2025
Couldn't put it down
Is this what they call splatterpunk? I don't usually go in for these kind of stories, but I love Jeff Strand's work so thought I'd try it. Hope he doesn't write to many of these though.
Is this what they call splatterpunk? I don't usually go in for these kind of stories, but I love Jeff Strand's work so thought I'd try it. Hope he doesn't write to many of these though.
September 9, 2025
Brutal and bloody
Loved This read, it was descriptive and intense. You were captivated from the start and so enthralled you couldn't move your eyes from the pages. A happy family of four on their way back from vacation get lost with their sat nav. With them miles from nowhere, about out of fuel, no idea where the next petrol station is they have no choice but to head further into the unknown. Things can't get any worse, or can they. A fascinating storyline, nicely paced and some really great characters. Laurie has to be my favourite, a mum that is a doting wife and mother but Arden is my second being the father and will stop at nothing to do what's best for his family, until he has no choice. Really brutal and bloody with some horrendous details. All adding to the extreme of this story. Recommended!
Loved This read, it was descriptive and intense. You were captivated from the start and so enthralled you couldn't move your eyes from the pages. A happy family of four on their way back from vacation get lost with their sat nav. With them miles from nowhere, about out of fuel, no idea where the next petrol station is they have no choice but to head further into the unknown. Things can't get any worse, or can they. A fascinating storyline, nicely paced and some really great characters. Laurie has to be my favourite, a mum that is a doting wife and mother but Arden is my second being the father and will stop at nothing to do what's best for his family, until he has no choice. Really brutal and bloody with some horrendous details. All adding to the extreme of this story. Recommended!
August 28, 2025
Depraved psychos with nothing to lose vs. one badass family with everything to lose. It was fast-paced and brutal, but some of the characters and dialog were actually funny. Loved it!
November 2, 2025
3.5 stars
November 30, 2025
what a bloody fun mess this one was. all kinds of twisted! remind me not to ever really depend on gps.
October 30, 2025
Their bodies were never hidden
Sometimes Jeff Strand writes cool books about everyday people put in nuts situations and finding the resolve to rise against it and survive.
Sometimes, Jeff Strand wants to describe a family being tortured for no particular reason.
You can skip this one
Sometimes Jeff Strand writes cool books about everyday people put in nuts situations and finding the resolve to rise against it and survive.
Sometimes, Jeff Strand wants to describe a family being tortured for no particular reason.
You can skip this one
December 24, 2025
i read this fast as fuck. i love the addition of the few pages dedicated to giving background to laurie and arden, it made them so much more enjoyable and interesting as characters. also, they were fucking badass! maybe to the point where it got slightly unrealistic, but badass nonetheless. the scene with mr brink gave edgelord couple, though. but i'm not complaining! he got what was coming.
the 4 main killers were COMICAL! i loved how they lowkey fucking hated eachother, but also needed eachother to make this whole thing 'work'. (and it still barely went how they planned) their group therapy session was iconic! their lines of dialogue actually had me cracking up a few times. i love killers who are chaotic and undeniably stupid.
for gore and grotesque, it was alright. the title and cover had my expectations higher than what actually happened. i expected a little MORE brutality from this, but the whole comical side and character depth really had me loving this book nonetheless. the gore that DID happen was soooo fucked up and pretty well written.
a lot of the scenes had my heart pounding, especially arden vs buck and the window escape. WHEWWW! the adrenaline rush was real!!
not nearly as depraved as expected, but one hell of a fun time instead!
the 4 main killers were COMICAL! i loved how they lowkey fucking hated eachother, but also needed eachother to make this whole thing 'work'. (and it still barely went how they planned) their group therapy session was iconic! their lines of dialogue actually had me cracking up a few times. i love killers who are chaotic and undeniably stupid.
for gore and grotesque, it was alright. the title and cover had my expectations higher than what actually happened. i expected a little MORE brutality from this, but the whole comical side and character depth really had me loving this book nonetheless. the gore that DID happen was soooo fucked up and pretty well written.
a lot of the scenes had my heart pounding, especially arden vs buck and the window escape. WHEWWW! the adrenaline rush was real!!
not nearly as depraved as expected, but one hell of a fun time instead!
July 27, 2025
Boring and unoriginal
Out of all the books I have read about a family being terrorized by psychopaths this is probably one of the crappier ones sadly . 90 percent of the book is negotiating, hitting, beating, running away , literally not much happens at all . I know I read three pages And had no idea what I read, but I know I didn't miss much because it was just describing how someone was getting beat to death. Boring and unoriginal
Out of all the books I have read about a family being terrorized by psychopaths this is probably one of the crappier ones sadly . 90 percent of the book is negotiating, hitting, beating, running away , literally not much happens at all . I know I read three pages And had no idea what I read, but I know I didn't miss much because it was just describing how someone was getting beat to death. Boring and unoriginal
September 14, 2025
Your Body Will Never Be Found by Jeff Strand
Pub. Date: July 22, 2025
4.25 rounded down to 4 🔮🔮🔮🔮 orbs
2025, Rural backroads of Georgia
Orbs Prologue: My black circular body rotates along the asphalt in Georgia. The heat from the friction warms me. The symmetrical tread bites the road like a cane corso bites an intruder. However, today is unlike most. Some of my steel threads are peeking through my rubber skin. I am straining to keep the car on the road. Pop, pop… The nitrogen inside me seeks an exit. I am holding my breath for dear life as my stem swoons from the force. Then I exhale, spouting my life force like a whale expels water through its blowhole. The car stops… I am flat and scared.
Arden and his family have a flat tire. Stranded in a forest of unpleasantry, they lie in wait for roadside assistance. Fortuitous nature dictates that the cellphone service, which could only be described as erratic at best, renders them living the next couple of hours off-grid, per se. Their saving grace could come in the form of a man named Finch, he of a scraggly red beard and serious demeanor. "Could" being the operative word, leaving numerous other outcomes in store, not all pleasant, mind you.
Is this splatterpunk? Honestly, dear readers. I don’t know how much gore and violence constitutes a proper splatterpunk experience. That said, I will say our author, Jeff Strand, stands tall, cocks his crossbow, and shoots straight for the heart. A film of penetrating fear seeped through my pores from the onset. The feeling of being stranded and reliant upon a shady individual for comfort during a precarious time begs the reader to hide under the covers. The gloomy forest, home to other hazards, such as coyotes, spiders, and snakes, provides yet another sense of dread.
Make no mistake, as much as Laurie and Arden Leeman’s family are at the forefront of the story, Finch, Buck, Reed, and Willa are the stars of the show. The aforementioned villains will remind readers of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, their hilarious banter drawing more than a few laughs in an otherwise brutal tale. Each varlet offering their own sadistic take on how to pull off the perfect killing spree. Finch, the self-designated leader, has attempted to put together a foolproof plan that begins to fall apart like the emotional status of seeing a loved one dying.
Can I say this was fun? Truly, it was downright terrifying, striking just the right amount of comedic relief to create a solid reading experience. The prose flowed quickly like blood snaking its way down the victim’s body. Adding more octane to the fire, Strand introduces a twist that involves Laurie, in particular, being somewhat of a “helicopter mom,” which serves her family well in the various fight-or-flight scenes.
Orbs Epilogue: We sit, we wait. The metal rim is pushing down on my lower half. I watch, my emotions deflated. The family is out of the car, thankfully alleviating some of the pressure on me. They are all in the house except for the older kid. He was running…until he dropped. I heard a strange zipping sound go by the car. Moments later, something was being dragged; the smell of iron hung in the air. I was under the strong impression that we may be in trouble. I pushed, I held my breath, but nothing happened. I was alone, simply wondering, was someone coming to fix me?
Recommended!
Pub. Date: July 22, 2025
4.25 rounded down to 4 🔮🔮🔮🔮 orbs
2025, Rural backroads of Georgia
Orbs Prologue: My black circular body rotates along the asphalt in Georgia. The heat from the friction warms me. The symmetrical tread bites the road like a cane corso bites an intruder. However, today is unlike most. Some of my steel threads are peeking through my rubber skin. I am straining to keep the car on the road. Pop, pop… The nitrogen inside me seeks an exit. I am holding my breath for dear life as my stem swoons from the force. Then I exhale, spouting my life force like a whale expels water through its blowhole. The car stops… I am flat and scared.
Arden and his family have a flat tire. Stranded in a forest of unpleasantry, they lie in wait for roadside assistance. Fortuitous nature dictates that the cellphone service, which could only be described as erratic at best, renders them living the next couple of hours off-grid, per se. Their saving grace could come in the form of a man named Finch, he of a scraggly red beard and serious demeanor. "Could" being the operative word, leaving numerous other outcomes in store, not all pleasant, mind you.
Is this splatterpunk? Honestly, dear readers. I don’t know how much gore and violence constitutes a proper splatterpunk experience. That said, I will say our author, Jeff Strand, stands tall, cocks his crossbow, and shoots straight for the heart. A film of penetrating fear seeped through my pores from the onset. The feeling of being stranded and reliant upon a shady individual for comfort during a precarious time begs the reader to hide under the covers. The gloomy forest, home to other hazards, such as coyotes, spiders, and snakes, provides yet another sense of dread.
Make no mistake, as much as Laurie and Arden Leeman’s family are at the forefront of the story, Finch, Buck, Reed, and Willa are the stars of the show. The aforementioned villains will remind readers of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, their hilarious banter drawing more than a few laughs in an otherwise brutal tale. Each varlet offering their own sadistic take on how to pull off the perfect killing spree. Finch, the self-designated leader, has attempted to put together a foolproof plan that begins to fall apart like the emotional status of seeing a loved one dying.
Can I say this was fun? Truly, it was downright terrifying, striking just the right amount of comedic relief to create a solid reading experience. The prose flowed quickly like blood snaking its way down the victim’s body. Adding more octane to the fire, Strand introduces a twist that involves Laurie, in particular, being somewhat of a “helicopter mom,” which serves her family well in the various fight-or-flight scenes.
Orbs Epilogue: We sit, we wait. The metal rim is pushing down on my lower half. I watch, my emotions deflated. The family is out of the car, thankfully alleviating some of the pressure on me. They are all in the house except for the older kid. He was running…until he dropped. I heard a strange zipping sound go by the car. Moments later, something was being dragged; the smell of iron hung in the air. I was under the strong impression that we may be in trouble. I pushed, I held my breath, but nothing happened. I was alone, simply wondering, was someone coming to fix me?
Recommended!
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