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Missing Me: A Memoir of Postpartum Psychosis and the Long Road Back
Not yet published
Expected 17 Mar 26When writer and blogger Ayana Lage became pregnant, she prepared as any parent voraciously researching, Redditing, preparing for anything. And having experienced a previous miscarriage, she braced herself for the worst. But days after giving birth, Ayana’s sense of control began to break when God started speaking to her. After growing up Pentecostal and longing to hear from God, she heard him audibly for the first time—and often. God told her that she had been chosen. He told her that her daughter was the second coming of Jesus Christ. She carried around notebooks to ensure she didn't miss any divine words. Eventually, she was diagnosed with post-partum psychosis and sent to a psychiatric ward, unable to see loved ones or her baby and sometimes unsure whether she'd actually had a baby at all.
Her once-rational thought process was consumed with delusions, and overnight, the self-professing people-pleaser turned into a fearless charismatic, obeying what she believed to be God’s orders—including pulling the fire alarm to force an evacuation in the hospital—and shouting at anyone who disagreed with her. Slowly, the medication and treatment began to work, and when she was well enough to be released, the hard road to recovery began.
Ayana struggled to adjust to normal life after the breaks she endured—both the psychosis itself and the experience of feeling betrayed by her mind. Once a fierce mental health advocate, she remained hesitant to share about psychosis, because of the stigma associated with this mental health disorder.
Drawing from Ayana’s notebooks and medical records, Missing Me is a gorgeously-written exploration of the revelations Ayana received during her psychotic episode, the surprising lessons about her life and faith revealed in the aftermath, and the long road to trusting her mind once again.
Her once-rational thought process was consumed with delusions, and overnight, the self-professing people-pleaser turned into a fearless charismatic, obeying what she believed to be God’s orders—including pulling the fire alarm to force an evacuation in the hospital—and shouting at anyone who disagreed with her. Slowly, the medication and treatment began to work, and when she was well enough to be released, the hard road to recovery began.
Ayana struggled to adjust to normal life after the breaks she endured—both the psychosis itself and the experience of feeling betrayed by her mind. Once a fierce mental health advocate, she remained hesitant to share about psychosis, because of the stigma associated with this mental health disorder.
Drawing from Ayana’s notebooks and medical records, Missing Me is a gorgeously-written exploration of the revelations Ayana received during her psychotic episode, the surprising lessons about her life and faith revealed in the aftermath, and the long road to trusting her mind once again.
208 pages, Hardcover
Expected publication March 17, 2026
5 people are currently reading
3763 people want to read
About the author
Ayana Lage
1 book31 followersAyana Lage is a blogger and freelance writer with bylines in The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and more. She has a B.S. in journalism from the University of Florida. When she’s not working, you’ll find her exploring her hometown of Tampa, Florida, with her husband and two children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
July 18, 2025
An impartial review.
On an earnest note, I'm thrilled to share this book with you all. Thank you for your interest!
On an earnest note, I'm thrilled to share this book with you all. Thank you for your interest!
January 19, 2026
Thank you to Net Galley for the ARC in exchange for this honest review.
Missing Me is an unflinchingly honest memoir that sits at the intersection of postpartum psychosis, faith, and the quiet devastation of shame. Lage writes with a rawness that feels both intentional and necessary—this is not a book that tries to make suffering palatable or recovery necessarily neat.
What resonated most for me was the way Lage captures the experience of growing up in a conservative evangelical Christian context while battling mental illness. Her exploration of faith healing, particularly the devastating sense of rejection when healing doesn’t come, is painfully familiar and powerfully rendered. The idea that faith is supposed to “fix” you, and the shame that follows when it doesn’t, lingers throughout the book in a way that feels deeply true.
Her reflections on pregnancy, miscarriage, and postpartum psychosis are equally striking. The obsessive praying, the rumination on catastrophic outcomes, and the relentless fear that something terrible will happen to the people you love felt incredibly relatable. Lage also weaves in themes of body dysmorphia and disordered eating with striking honesty, especially in moments like her reflection on weight loss: “Could we get better? Probably. But do we want to?” That question alone captures the complicated comfort of illness and the resistance to letting it go.
The memoir also does a strong job of articulating the crippling fear of others’ perceptions—the way shame attaches itself to every perceived mistake, even when those mistakes are born of illness. That emotional truth is one of the book’s greatest strengths.
That said, the structure was challenging at times. The narrative skips around quite a bit, which occasionally disrupted the emotional flow. Additionally, Lage sometimes refers to herself in the third person (“Ayana goes to breakfast”), explaining that “she is me, and I am her, but it all happened to somebody else.” While I understand the dissociative purpose behind this choice, it pulled me out of the story more than it grounded me.
Missing Me is an honest and vulnerable memoir that will resonate deeply with readers who have experienced postpartum mental illness, religious trauma, or the isolating weight of shame. It isn’t always easy to follow, but it is undeniably sincere, and that sincerity makes it worth reading.
Missing Me is an unflinchingly honest memoir that sits at the intersection of postpartum psychosis, faith, and the quiet devastation of shame. Lage writes with a rawness that feels both intentional and necessary—this is not a book that tries to make suffering palatable or recovery necessarily neat.
What resonated most for me was the way Lage captures the experience of growing up in a conservative evangelical Christian context while battling mental illness. Her exploration of faith healing, particularly the devastating sense of rejection when healing doesn’t come, is painfully familiar and powerfully rendered. The idea that faith is supposed to “fix” you, and the shame that follows when it doesn’t, lingers throughout the book in a way that feels deeply true.
Her reflections on pregnancy, miscarriage, and postpartum psychosis are equally striking. The obsessive praying, the rumination on catastrophic outcomes, and the relentless fear that something terrible will happen to the people you love felt incredibly relatable. Lage also weaves in themes of body dysmorphia and disordered eating with striking honesty, especially in moments like her reflection on weight loss: “Could we get better? Probably. But do we want to?” That question alone captures the complicated comfort of illness and the resistance to letting it go.
The memoir also does a strong job of articulating the crippling fear of others’ perceptions—the way shame attaches itself to every perceived mistake, even when those mistakes are born of illness. That emotional truth is one of the book’s greatest strengths.
That said, the structure was challenging at times. The narrative skips around quite a bit, which occasionally disrupted the emotional flow. Additionally, Lage sometimes refers to herself in the third person (“Ayana goes to breakfast”), explaining that “she is me, and I am her, but it all happened to somebody else.” While I understand the dissociative purpose behind this choice, it pulled me out of the story more than it grounded me.
Missing Me is an honest and vulnerable memoir that will resonate deeply with readers who have experienced postpartum mental illness, religious trauma, or the isolating weight of shame. It isn’t always easy to follow, but it is undeniably sincere, and that sincerity makes it worth reading.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 18, 2025
Missing Me is billed as the author’s experience with postpartum psychosis, but it truly is so much more than that. I’ve followed the author on social media for quite some time and when I first saw that she wrote a book, I was unsure if I could identify with the subject matter as I am not a mother. Boy was I wrong. Ayana discusses her earlier years of mental health issues and previous psychiatric stays and I could relate all too well. At one point she wrote something that reminded me of sitting in the hospital waiting room prior to one of my first stints. Suddenly I got up and yelled “this doesn’t happen to people like me”, people like me being an upper middle class woman from a good family. And yet, mental health issues can happen to anyone.
The obsession with her body… also relatable. Are there even women who don’t have these all consuming thoughts?
And the distancing herself from religion. I’ve been an atheist for years, growing up in a not really religious family. I found her take on religion and the shame and guilt experienced from not being the perfect Christian wife to be sad… yet honest.
I truly admire the author writing this book. Mental health is NOT talked about enough and people suffer in silence as a result. It shouldn’t be that way.
Missing Me is very well written and quite a page turner. I’m so thankful I read this. I look forward to reading many more from Ayana in the future. A solid 4.5 stars.
Thank you to NetGalley, Worthy Publishing, and the author, Ayana Lage, for access to this ARC.
The obsession with her body… also relatable. Are there even women who don’t have these all consuming thoughts?
And the distancing herself from religion. I’ve been an atheist for years, growing up in a not really religious family. I found her take on religion and the shame and guilt experienced from not being the perfect Christian wife to be sad… yet honest.
I truly admire the author writing this book. Mental health is NOT talked about enough and people suffer in silence as a result. It shouldn’t be that way.
Missing Me is very well written and quite a page turner. I’m so thankful I read this. I look forward to reading many more from Ayana in the future. A solid 4.5 stars.
Thank you to NetGalley, Worthy Publishing, and the author, Ayana Lage, for access to this ARC.
January 5, 2026
This memoir was a quick read but a difficult one. The tone is open and inviting but like the author’s mind, the narrative jumps around and can be very hard to follow. The author struggled with a lifetime of anxiety and then experienced severe postpartum psychosis after the birth of her first child. While I’ve never experienced psychosis, so much of what she wrote about anxiety resonated with me. I found the book hard to read because it made me afraid psychosis is just around the next corner. I know it’s not, but the same way the author is afraid of it reemerging, I felt anxious about any similarities. I think it’s just that she’s a good author and can make any of her experiences seem relevant to the reader, but…I’m not sure.
Her experiences as a black woman raised Pentecostal were also fascinating as they pertained to her mental health experiences. For example, she was raised to believe that it’s totally normal for god to talk to and through people. No reform or conservative Jew in my circles would feel that way—how would psychosis look different for us?
Thanks to the author for a good read and for NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read an advance reader copy in exchange for my honest review.
Her experiences as a black woman raised Pentecostal were also fascinating as they pertained to her mental health experiences. For example, she was raised to believe that it’s totally normal for god to talk to and through people. No reform or conservative Jew in my circles would feel that way—how would psychosis look different for us?
Thanks to the author for a good read and for NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read an advance reader copy in exchange for my honest review.
December 10, 2025
Thank you to Netgalley for an early copy in exchange for an honest review.
I had never heard of postpartum psychosis before hearing about the author's story so I feel like I learned a lot. It did jump around a lot to different timelines which I could sometimes see the reasoning for, and other times I couldn't. I wish it was written in more of a linear fashion. That aside, it was very well written and the excerpts from her journal entries while being hospitalized for postpartum psychosis were very raw and emotional. She was hearing directly from God, not sleeping and was unsure if her baby actually existed. It takes a lot of strength to put your story out there like that and I admire the author.
I had never heard of postpartum psychosis before hearing about the author's story so I feel like I learned a lot. It did jump around a lot to different timelines which I could sometimes see the reasoning for, and other times I couldn't. I wish it was written in more of a linear fashion. That aside, it was very well written and the excerpts from her journal entries while being hospitalized for postpartum psychosis were very raw and emotional. She was hearing directly from God, not sleeping and was unsure if her baby actually existed. It takes a lot of strength to put your story out there like that and I admire the author.
November 10, 2025
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
I can't even begin to imagine how scary psychosis is at any time but soon after having a child?! Terrifying!
Ayana reflects on her anxiety and depression growing up but the psychosis is definitely the worst of her mental health issues. Her time in the psychiatric hospital is informative and sometimes quite shocking.
I can't even begin to imagine how scary psychosis is at any time but soon after having a child?! Terrifying!
Ayana reflects on her anxiety and depression growing up but the psychosis is definitely the worst of her mental health issues. Her time in the psychiatric hospital is informative and sometimes quite shocking.
December 3, 2025
Thanks to NetGalley & Worthy Publishing for the ARC!
Ayana Lage’s Missing Me: A Memoir of Postpartum Psychosis and the Long Road Back is a courageous post-mortem on a terrifying episode, but it’s more of a head-turning anecdote than a page-turning story.
Every year, it seems like there’s one or two memoirs that ascend to the top of the cultural conversation because of the strength of their elevator pitch. Missing Me seems poised to be the memoir of 2026 because you can’t get much hookier than a cold plunge into the hell of psychosis. Thankfully, Ayana Lage's written voice is even stronger than the hook.
Missing Me is remarkably vulnerable. Lage populates its pages with excerpts from her hospital journals, and her hallucinatory reflections are as heartbreaking as they are chilling. This book may be one of the most effective depictions of the distance between the self and the mind, and the author writes with startling lucidity about pain that collapses categorization. For example, when she describes childhood suicidal ideation, she writes, “I am too young to watch PG-13 movies but old enough to crave the end.”
I mean, wow.
As someone who shares a lot of Ayana Lage’s religious history and her struggle with debilitating anxiety and paranoia, so much of Missing Me resonates. It’s devastating to look at others and feel like your spiritual lexicon is just completely unequipped for the realities of life. Lage articulates this isolating grief so beautifully, and I think her writing will generate some helpful conversation in communities of faith.
The challenge with this book—and any book about health—is that illness disrupts narrative. Mental illness can defy it entirely. It’s horrifying because it shows the fragility of the stories we tell about ourselves. Panic attacks, eating disorders, and religious trauma are all part of Lage’s life, but the book doesn’t quite work when she tests them for continuity, particularly because she relies heavily on time-jumping vignettes that read like, and here's another bad thing that happened to me. Instead, her writing is at its best when she accepts contradiction. For example, what is one to do when they only experience unmitigated self-love during psychosis? How does one navigate faith when the only time it’s intuitive is when it’s most destructive?
Questions like these drive the final third of the book, and Lage skillfully invites readers into their squeamishness. When the author wonders if closure is even possible, the existential uncertainty is visceral. Unfortunately, I’m not sure we get enough time with Lage’s recovery journey to really have an answer. Despite the title's promise of a "long road back," the book doesn’t really conclude; it just abruptly ends. This approach resonates as more truthful than, say, a romanticized take on lessons learned, but it re-casts the whole project with an uneasy voyeurism. Without a more robust “interpretation” of the author’s realizations, it feels like the bizarre revelations are the point. Ultimately, I think the book would have benefitted from a few more years of distance—time for a more defined perspective.
I am so glad Missing Me exists. More importantly, I’m so glad that Ayana Lage is well and able to reconstruct something meaningful out of unfathomable pain. She has a gift for articulating darkness as a way of naming light, and I think this book will help many people with their own stories, even if it can’t quite stand as its own.
Ayana Lage’s Missing Me: A Memoir of Postpartum Psychosis and the Long Road Back is a courageous post-mortem on a terrifying episode, but it’s more of a head-turning anecdote than a page-turning story.
Every year, it seems like there’s one or two memoirs that ascend to the top of the cultural conversation because of the strength of their elevator pitch. Missing Me seems poised to be the memoir of 2026 because you can’t get much hookier than a cold plunge into the hell of psychosis. Thankfully, Ayana Lage's written voice is even stronger than the hook.
Missing Me is remarkably vulnerable. Lage populates its pages with excerpts from her hospital journals, and her hallucinatory reflections are as heartbreaking as they are chilling. This book may be one of the most effective depictions of the distance between the self and the mind, and the author writes with startling lucidity about pain that collapses categorization. For example, when she describes childhood suicidal ideation, she writes, “I am too young to watch PG-13 movies but old enough to crave the end.”
I mean, wow.
As someone who shares a lot of Ayana Lage’s religious history and her struggle with debilitating anxiety and paranoia, so much of Missing Me resonates. It’s devastating to look at others and feel like your spiritual lexicon is just completely unequipped for the realities of life. Lage articulates this isolating grief so beautifully, and I think her writing will generate some helpful conversation in communities of faith.
The challenge with this book—and any book about health—is that illness disrupts narrative. Mental illness can defy it entirely. It’s horrifying because it shows the fragility of the stories we tell about ourselves. Panic attacks, eating disorders, and religious trauma are all part of Lage’s life, but the book doesn’t quite work when she tests them for continuity, particularly because she relies heavily on time-jumping vignettes that read like, and here's another bad thing that happened to me. Instead, her writing is at its best when she accepts contradiction. For example, what is one to do when they only experience unmitigated self-love during psychosis? How does one navigate faith when the only time it’s intuitive is when it’s most destructive?
Questions like these drive the final third of the book, and Lage skillfully invites readers into their squeamishness. When the author wonders if closure is even possible, the existential uncertainty is visceral. Unfortunately, I’m not sure we get enough time with Lage’s recovery journey to really have an answer. Despite the title's promise of a "long road back," the book doesn’t really conclude; it just abruptly ends. This approach resonates as more truthful than, say, a romanticized take on lessons learned, but it re-casts the whole project with an uneasy voyeurism. Without a more robust “interpretation” of the author’s realizations, it feels like the bizarre revelations are the point. Ultimately, I think the book would have benefitted from a few more years of distance—time for a more defined perspective.
I am so glad Missing Me exists. More importantly, I’m so glad that Ayana Lage is well and able to reconstruct something meaningful out of unfathomable pain. She has a gift for articulating darkness as a way of naming light, and I think this book will help many people with their own stories, even if it can’t quite stand as its own.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
📚Missing Me
✍🏻Ayana Lage
Blurb:
When writer and blogger Ayana Lage became pregnant, she prepared as any parent voraciously researching, Redditing, preparing for anything. And having experienced a previous miscarriage, she braced herself for the worst. But days after giving birth, Ayana’s sense of control began to break when God started speaking to her. After growing up Pentecostal and longing to hear from God, she heard him audibly for the first time—and often. God told her that she had been chosen. He told her that her daughter was the second coming of Jesus Christ. She carried around notebooks to ensure she didn't miss any divine words. Eventually, she was diagnosed with post-partum psychosis and sent to a psychiatric ward, unable to see loved ones or her baby and sometimes unsure whether she'd actually had a baby at all.
Her once-rational thought process was consumed with delusions, and overnight, the self-professing people-pleaser turned into a fearless charismatic, obeying what she believed to be God’s orders—including pulling the fire alarm to force an evacuation in the hospital—and shouting at anyone who disagreed with her. Slowly, the medication and treatment began to work, and when she was well enough to be released, the hard road to recovery began.
Ayana struggled to adjust to normal life after the breaks she endured—both the psychosis itself and the experience of feeling betrayed by her mind. Once a fierce mental health advocate, she remained hesitant to share about psychosis, because of the stigma associated with this mental health disorder.
Drawing from Ayana’s notebooks and medical records, Missing Me is a gorgeously-written exploration of the revelations Ayana received during her psychotic episode, the surprising lessons about her life and faith revealed in the aftermath, and the long road to trusting her mind once again.
My Thoughts:
The story jumps from time period to time period without a recognizable pattern, but it kept me on my toes and reinforced the feelings of confusion and instability. The excerpts from her journal entries while being hospitalized for postpartum psychosis were very raw and emotional. She was hearing directly from God, not sleeping and was unsure if her baby actually existed. It takes a lot of strength to put your story out there like that and I admire the author.
Thanks NetGalley, Worthy Books and Author Ayana Lage for the advanced copy of "Missing Me" I am leaving my voluntary review in appreciation.
#NetGalley
#WorthyBooks
#AyanaLage
#MissingMe
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
✍🏻Ayana Lage
Blurb:
When writer and blogger Ayana Lage became pregnant, she prepared as any parent voraciously researching, Redditing, preparing for anything. And having experienced a previous miscarriage, she braced herself for the worst. But days after giving birth, Ayana’s sense of control began to break when God started speaking to her. After growing up Pentecostal and longing to hear from God, she heard him audibly for the first time—and often. God told her that she had been chosen. He told her that her daughter was the second coming of Jesus Christ. She carried around notebooks to ensure she didn't miss any divine words. Eventually, she was diagnosed with post-partum psychosis and sent to a psychiatric ward, unable to see loved ones or her baby and sometimes unsure whether she'd actually had a baby at all.
Her once-rational thought process was consumed with delusions, and overnight, the self-professing people-pleaser turned into a fearless charismatic, obeying what she believed to be God’s orders—including pulling the fire alarm to force an evacuation in the hospital—and shouting at anyone who disagreed with her. Slowly, the medication and treatment began to work, and when she was well enough to be released, the hard road to recovery began.
Ayana struggled to adjust to normal life after the breaks she endured—both the psychosis itself and the experience of feeling betrayed by her mind. Once a fierce mental health advocate, she remained hesitant to share about psychosis, because of the stigma associated with this mental health disorder.
Drawing from Ayana’s notebooks and medical records, Missing Me is a gorgeously-written exploration of the revelations Ayana received during her psychotic episode, the surprising lessons about her life and faith revealed in the aftermath, and the long road to trusting her mind once again.
My Thoughts:
The story jumps from time period to time period without a recognizable pattern, but it kept me on my toes and reinforced the feelings of confusion and instability. The excerpts from her journal entries while being hospitalized for postpartum psychosis were very raw and emotional. She was hearing directly from God, not sleeping and was unsure if her baby actually existed. It takes a lot of strength to put your story out there like that and I admire the author.
Thanks NetGalley, Worthy Books and Author Ayana Lage for the advanced copy of "Missing Me" I am leaving my voluntary review in appreciation.
#NetGalley
#WorthyBooks
#AyanaLage
#MissingMe
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
4.75 stars.
As an individual who has not experienced pregnancy nor any form of psychosis, I didn't expect to relate this as deeply as I did. It shouldn't have been a surprise given that this is not my first exposure to Ayana's writing but I am still so fortunate to feel so seen in my own mental health struggles.
I was at first skeptical whether the time jumps would work. We've introduced to this pattern in Chapter One which is where it feels the most rough around the edges. I'd say each "XXX time before" has a standard deviation of sorts; it can feel like we're introduced to aspects a little further back or forward from the header anchor. The mechanism feels smoother from Chapter Two onward, where Lage pulls us into the questions and longings and bargainings of Ayana past contrasted with the seemingly antithetical version of self who requires hospitalization. This is where she works her magic.
With this memoir, Lage has continued to push conversations as she has for many years. This book is important for the realities of pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period, and the pervasive shame when such a life-changing event doesn't happen as the photo-worthy, straightforward spectacle we want it to be. It also is a real account for how vulnerable all of us are to the challenge that is being human. Yes, there are genetic factors, environmental factors, etc., that point to one's likelihood of struggling with mental health in their lifetime, but there isn't one clear checklist for the matter or for each condition. Lage navigates topics familiar to many of us--religion and church culture, weight loss culture--and shows how it isn't always an unexpected tragedy, it is often life itself and what we deem as expected, innocuous, or the norm. By not remaining silent and palatable, we can break barriers, and Lage will be right there with us.
I am so proud to support this debut work as well as endlessly grateful to Ayana and Worthy Publishing for providing this book for review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.
As an individual who has not experienced pregnancy nor any form of psychosis, I didn't expect to relate this as deeply as I did. It shouldn't have been a surprise given that this is not my first exposure to Ayana's writing but I am still so fortunate to feel so seen in my own mental health struggles.
I was at first skeptical whether the time jumps would work. We've introduced to this pattern in Chapter One which is where it feels the most rough around the edges. I'd say each "XXX time before" has a standard deviation of sorts; it can feel like we're introduced to aspects a little further back or forward from the header anchor. The mechanism feels smoother from Chapter Two onward, where Lage pulls us into the questions and longings and bargainings of Ayana past contrasted with the seemingly antithetical version of self who requires hospitalization. This is where she works her magic.
With this memoir, Lage has continued to push conversations as she has for many years. This book is important for the realities of pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period, and the pervasive shame when such a life-changing event doesn't happen as the photo-worthy, straightforward spectacle we want it to be. It also is a real account for how vulnerable all of us are to the challenge that is being human. Yes, there are genetic factors, environmental factors, etc., that point to one's likelihood of struggling with mental health in their lifetime, but there isn't one clear checklist for the matter or for each condition. Lage navigates topics familiar to many of us--religion and church culture, weight loss culture--and shows how it isn't always an unexpected tragedy, it is often life itself and what we deem as expected, innocuous, or the norm. By not remaining silent and palatable, we can break barriers, and Lage will be right there with us.
I am so proud to support this debut work as well as endlessly grateful to Ayana and Worthy Publishing for providing this book for review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.
March 13, 2026
I’ve been a fan of Ayana Lage for years for her irreverent sense of humor, clear political stances, and, most of all, her vulnerability. In her debut memoir, she uses her experience as a journalist and freelance writer to tell the story of her darkest days experiencing postpartum psychosis after the birth of her daughter five years ago. The story is powerful and beautifully written, and will resonate with anyone who has given birth, experienced anxiety, or ever called themselves a mental health advocate but struggled to sympathize with the less savory aspects of psychosis and other more stigmatized mental illnesses.
As a longtime follower, I was already familiar with the contours of Ayana’s story—a heavily religious upbringing, deeply loving relationships with her family and her husband, who was childhood sweetheart, and lifelong struggle with mental health that exploded into psychosis after giving birth for the first time. This book goes deep; Ayana parses through her childhood struggles with anxiety and depression and the complex relationship with faith throughout it all. Interspersed throughout are reflections on her time in the psych ward, doctor’s notes detailing her mental state during treatment, and the extreme ups and downs of delusions that made her feel on top of the world and the paranoia and fear that came alongside them.
I feel privileged to get to read such a personal account of a condition that is so stigmatized yet far from rare. Postpartum depression and anxiety are somewhat acknowledged, but we have a long way to go in understanding and supporting mothers who experience more extreme mental illness after birth. I believe Missing Me will be a big part of telling this necessary story and destigmatizing postpartum psychosis.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free eARC in exchange for an honest review!
As a longtime follower, I was already familiar with the contours of Ayana’s story—a heavily religious upbringing, deeply loving relationships with her family and her husband, who was childhood sweetheart, and lifelong struggle with mental health that exploded into psychosis after giving birth for the first time. This book goes deep; Ayana parses through her childhood struggles with anxiety and depression and the complex relationship with faith throughout it all. Interspersed throughout are reflections on her time in the psych ward, doctor’s notes detailing her mental state during treatment, and the extreme ups and downs of delusions that made her feel on top of the world and the paranoia and fear that came alongside them.
I feel privileged to get to read such a personal account of a condition that is so stigmatized yet far from rare. Postpartum depression and anxiety are somewhat acknowledged, but we have a long way to go in understanding and supporting mothers who experience more extreme mental illness after birth. I believe Missing Me will be a big part of telling this necessary story and destigmatizing postpartum psychosis.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a free eARC in exchange for an honest review!
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
“Missing Me” is the story of content creator Ayana Lage’s struggle with postpartum psychosis after the birth of her first child. It also covers the topics of religious trauma, pregnancy loss, body image issues and disordered eating, racism, and her complicated relationship with social media.
I’m a longtime follower of Ayana’s and have always been so impressed with how open she is in sharing her story. This book is no exception. I think it was especially brave of her to share excerpts from her journal entries during the time she struggled with psychosis, as well as excerpts of her medical record from that time.
That said, I think it could have benefited from stronger editing. The biggest issue is the structure – the timeline jumps around all over the place and there’s seemingly no rhyme or reason to it. I think it would have benefited from a more traditional linear structure. Also, the writing tended towards being more clinical feeling. And maybe it’s a deliberate choice, but sometimes she writes in the first person and sometimes she writes in the third person. This is meant to demonstrate her tendencies towards disassociation but it didn’t really work for me.
If you don’t feel like those style choices would bother you, you may enjoy this book. A number of readers said they enjoyed it even though they can’t relate at all to her background and experiences and I think that speaks volumes about her story.
PS: Thank you to NetGalley and Worthy Books for providing me with an Advanced Reading Copy in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own!
I’m a longtime follower of Ayana’s and have always been so impressed with how open she is in sharing her story. This book is no exception. I think it was especially brave of her to share excerpts from her journal entries during the time she struggled with psychosis, as well as excerpts of her medical record from that time.
That said, I think it could have benefited from stronger editing. The biggest issue is the structure – the timeline jumps around all over the place and there’s seemingly no rhyme or reason to it. I think it would have benefited from a more traditional linear structure. Also, the writing tended towards being more clinical feeling. And maybe it’s a deliberate choice, but sometimes she writes in the first person and sometimes she writes in the third person. This is meant to demonstrate her tendencies towards disassociation but it didn’t really work for me.
If you don’t feel like those style choices would bother you, you may enjoy this book. A number of readers said they enjoyed it even though they can’t relate at all to her background and experiences and I think that speaks volumes about her story.
PS: Thank you to NetGalley and Worthy Books for providing me with an Advanced Reading Copy in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own!
January 11, 2026
While Missing Me is advertised as a memoir about the author’s experience with postpartum psychosis, it is truly much more than that. In her debut, Lage discusses religious trauma, body image issues, and various other mental health issues in an incredibly relatable way. I cried so much reading this book due to the content and how much I could relate to a lot of the struggles she is facing.
I really appreciate the way that she included quotes from her medical records and journal through this time. However, I had a difficult time with the writing structure between all of the time lapses and ways that these were placed throughout the novel. I found myself having to backtrack to follow along appropriately. It could just be the way that it formatted to my ereader though. That is my only dislike with the book, and I think that the writing is so engaging that it’s not a big deal for me personally.
This book is incredibly vulnerable, and I applaud her for sharing her story in such a captivating way. I did not want to put it down. This book has something in it for everyone, and I feel like it’s going to be a book that impacts a lot of people in a positive way. If you read any memoir this year, make it this one.
Thank you so much to NetGalley, the publisher, and Ayana Lage for allowing me to read this in exchange for an honest review!
I really appreciate the way that she included quotes from her medical records and journal through this time. However, I had a difficult time with the writing structure between all of the time lapses and ways that these were placed throughout the novel. I found myself having to backtrack to follow along appropriately. It could just be the way that it formatted to my ereader though. That is my only dislike with the book, and I think that the writing is so engaging that it’s not a big deal for me personally.
This book is incredibly vulnerable, and I applaud her for sharing her story in such a captivating way. I did not want to put it down. This book has something in it for everyone, and I feel like it’s going to be a book that impacts a lot of people in a positive way. If you read any memoir this year, make it this one.
Thank you so much to NetGalley, the publisher, and Ayana Lage for allowing me to read this in exchange for an honest review!
November 16, 2025
Thank you NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review!
Ayana Lage was born to write. This memoir was an amazing, raw, and vulnerable story about not only Lage's postpartum journey and triumph but also the interconnectedness of her life before and after. While I have never experienced PPP myself, I found myself relating to a lot of the little fears and anxieties Lage mentions while growing up as I'm sure many people could.
A message that I truly got from this book was that mental health problems do not discriminate - to view others with empathy and understanding because you never know when it may be your time to need that empathy and understanding from others.
I believe this story is so important because it does tell a story of hope. Other women that may experience postpartum psychosis will need stories of healing and hope if they fall into a similar Reddit rabbithole as they question themselves and their healing.
I really enjoyed the way that this book was split up. The headings for going back/forward in time helped ground me. I typically do not enjoy books that have time jumps because they can get confusing but this was clear and the time jumps served an important purpose.
Ayana Lage was born to write. This memoir was an amazing, raw, and vulnerable story about not only Lage's postpartum journey and triumph but also the interconnectedness of her life before and after. While I have never experienced PPP myself, I found myself relating to a lot of the little fears and anxieties Lage mentions while growing up as I'm sure many people could.
A message that I truly got from this book was that mental health problems do not discriminate - to view others with empathy and understanding because you never know when it may be your time to need that empathy and understanding from others.
I believe this story is so important because it does tell a story of hope. Other women that may experience postpartum psychosis will need stories of healing and hope if they fall into a similar Reddit rabbithole as they question themselves and their healing.
I really enjoyed the way that this book was split up. The headings for going back/forward in time helped ground me. I typically do not enjoy books that have time jumps because they can get confusing but this was clear and the time jumps served an important purpose.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Missing Me by Ayana Lage is an incredibly brave and necessary book. It’s the kind of memoir that opens up conversations people are often uncomfortable having, particularly around postpartum mental health. Too often, the cultural narrative around motherhood focuses only on joy and fulfillment, leaving very little room to talk honestly about the darker, more complicated realities many women experience. Lage refuses that silence. It’s actually really frightening the number of people who have never heard of postpartum psychosis, so that's why this book is really important. I think as a society, we are getting better about awareness of postpartum depression, not so much about psychosis.
Above all, this book is a courageous call to confront the realities of postpartum mental health. Lage’s honesty encourages open dialogue, helping women feel seen and highlighting why everyone should better understand this challenging period.
I had a hard time sometimes with the narrative jumping around and the shift in tense, but I think that was a stylistic choice, which could work for some.
Thank you, NetGalley, for the ARC!
Above all, this book is a courageous call to confront the realities of postpartum mental health. Lage’s honesty encourages open dialogue, helping women feel seen and highlighting why everyone should better understand this challenging period.
I had a hard time sometimes with the narrative jumping around and the shift in tense, but I think that was a stylistic choice, which could work for some.
Thank you, NetGalley, for the ARC!
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I didn’t know who Ayana Lage was before picking up this book, but her story is incredibly eye-opening, brave, and deeply vulnerable.
While the book centres on her experience with postpartum psychosis, it’s about much more than that. It explores how mental illness followed and haunted her from her teenage years onward, and how religion, cultural expectations, and stigma shaped the way her struggles were understood—or misunderstood—by her and those around her.
It’s a quick read, but emotionally heavy. Reading about psychosis is genuinely frightening at times, and Lage doesn’t shy away from the most difficult parts of her experience. At the same time, the honesty of her storytelling makes the book incredibly powerful.
I learned a lot from this memoir. It sheds light on a condition that isn’t often talked about openly and shows just how complicated and isolating mental illness can be.
A difficult but important read.
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Audio for the advanced audiobook in exchange for my honest review.
While the book centres on her experience with postpartum psychosis, it’s about much more than that. It explores how mental illness followed and haunted her from her teenage years onward, and how religion, cultural expectations, and stigma shaped the way her struggles were understood—or misunderstood—by her and those around her.
It’s a quick read, but emotionally heavy. Reading about psychosis is genuinely frightening at times, and Lage doesn’t shy away from the most difficult parts of her experience. At the same time, the honesty of her storytelling makes the book incredibly powerful.
I learned a lot from this memoir. It sheds light on a condition that isn’t often talked about openly and shows just how complicated and isolating mental illness can be.
A difficult but important read.
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Audio for the advanced audiobook in exchange for my honest review.
November 17, 2025
A very raw and true story about struggling with the hardships of motherhood and suffering from postpartum psychosis. As a new mom myself, I can't even imagine what Ayana went through and my heart goes out to her. Motherhood isn't easy but add a disorder that you can't control no matter how hard you try. I really appreciate her being so transparent when it comes to this story. She gives us a glimpse into her life and how she dealt with it all the while trying to be the best mother could possibly be.
I've dealt with the baby blues during postpartum and have been a little teary eyed and emotional at 10 weeks (at the time of writing this review) but that's nothing compared to what Ayana experienced. This is an absolute must read and I would love to get my hands on a physical copy!
I would love to thank the author, publisher and NetGalley for giving me the opportunity to read this ARC book in exchange for an honest review.
I've dealt with the baby blues during postpartum and have been a little teary eyed and emotional at 10 weeks (at the time of writing this review) but that's nothing compared to what Ayana experienced. This is an absolute must read and I would love to get my hands on a physical copy!
I would love to thank the author, publisher and NetGalley for giving me the opportunity to read this ARC book in exchange for an honest review.
February 16, 2026
I have always deeply appreciated the honestly and straightforwardness that this author brings to her writing, and I knew her first book would be no different. The vulnerability and truth she brings to a story that is unlike any other I have read, but I know is shared by many, will certainly have a lasting impact on myself and others. The struggles with religion, body image, and anxiety are ones I relate to, and I am so appreciative of how she conveys her thoughts and feelings. The storytelling through her life, through clinicians notes, and through her own journals all bring a depth and truth to this that conveys the story so well in such a unique way. This book is so important and is why I love reading - the shared experience of others, even if it may never be a personal experience of mine, is so important to what it means to be human and live alongside others.
Thanks to Worthy and Edelweiss for the ARC.
Thanks to Worthy and Edelweiss for the ARC.
November 25, 2025
Missing Me is nothing short of extraordinary. As a mom raising a child with severe generalized anxiety and bipolar disorder, this memoir hit me in a way few books ever have. Her writing opens a door into experiences I recognize in my own child, behaviors I understand clinically, yet don’t always grasp on a deeply human level.
Ayana takes readers into the disorienting intensity of postpartum psychosis with such care, giving the experience the gravity it deserves while still allowing moments of levity, humanity, and breath. Her willingness to speak openly about psychosis, something that is still so deeply stigmatized makes this book incredibly important.
"Missing Me" is a gift for anyone touched by mental illness, whether personally or through someone they love. It’s the kind of memoir that stays with you, it is truly an exceptional work.
Ayana takes readers into the disorienting intensity of postpartum psychosis with such care, giving the experience the gravity it deserves while still allowing moments of levity, humanity, and breath. Her willingness to speak openly about psychosis, something that is still so deeply stigmatized makes this book incredibly important.
"Missing Me" is a gift for anyone touched by mental illness, whether personally or through someone they love. It’s the kind of memoir that stays with you, it is truly an exceptional work.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Missing Me is not only a Memoir about postpartum psychosis,
instead it feels like a window into the life of the author Ayana Lage.
It touches upon so many more topics than psychosis.
It's about religion and megachurches, (Medical) racism, Pregnancy loss, Anxiety and Phobia, disordered eating and Body image, Influencer Culture and Mental Health Advocacy.
This book was a really interesting read, and I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in the topics above.
What I did not like about this book were the constant jumps in the timeline that gave me a bit of whiplash. Constantly switching between completely different times in her life made it hard to follow from time to time.
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.
instead it feels like a window into the life of the author Ayana Lage.
It touches upon so many more topics than psychosis.
It's about religion and megachurches, (Medical) racism, Pregnancy loss, Anxiety and Phobia, disordered eating and Body image, Influencer Culture and Mental Health Advocacy.
This book was a really interesting read, and I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in the topics above.
What I did not like about this book were the constant jumps in the timeline that gave me a bit of whiplash. Constantly switching between completely different times in her life made it hard to follow from time to time.
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Missing Me is such a brave story to tell and I truly commend Ayana Lage for putting this out into the universe. Her open dialogue around stigma and psychosis will help so many and educate others. The audiobook captured some of her wit, and through this deeply personal and traumatic story, her personality shone through enough that it’s easy to imagine her as your friend. While the timeline jumped around often and required focus to follow, it was ultimately a value add to grasp the gravity of situations as they occurred. I do wish the audio told us which sections were italicized (from Ayana’s notebooks) to add a bit of clarity there. Overall, highly recommend.
Thank you to NetGalley, the authors, and the publisher for this ALC.
Thank you to NetGalley, the authors, and the publisher for this ALC.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I could not have been more excited to get an eARC of this book. I have been following Ayana for 5 or 6 years, and I relate to her anxiety in a lot of ways (she just articulates it way better than I ever could). Her bravery to share her postpartum story is unparalleled. I know we are our harshest critics, and I just hope she recognizes how many women she is going to help by sharing her story and struggles.
As far as the book, I read it in two sittings (it was only not just one sitting because I have a toddler). It was heartbreaking, raw, engaging, and beautiful, She truly has a gift. So proud of you, Ayana!
As far as the book, I read it in two sittings (it was only not just one sitting because I have a toddler). It was heartbreaking, raw, engaging, and beautiful, She truly has a gift. So proud of you, Ayana!
November 17, 2025
This will be the memoir of 2026. Ayana Lage reflects on her post-partum psychosis and her stay in a psychiatric ward. But she also digs deeper, reflecting on her relationship with religion, body image, the perceived expectations of “the perfect wife,” and how it affected her mental health.
I’m not a parent, yet the raw emotions and vulnerability surprised me by making her story so relatable. Haven’t we all had a moment where we felt like everything was spiraling out of control?
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC!
I’m not a parent, yet the raw emotions and vulnerability surprised me by making her story so relatable. Haven’t we all had a moment where we felt like everything was spiraling out of control?
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC!
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Thank you #Netgalley for the advanced copy!
This was such an interesting read and gave the reader the first hand experience of someone who has battled postpartum psychosis. It was eye opening to see the progression of her journey beginning with God speaking to her, her time in the hospital and experiences with different therapists. It is a life long journey and she is so lucky to have a strong support system to have her back and the therapist who has help all of them in early recognition of triggers and episodes.
This was such an interesting read and gave the reader the first hand experience of someone who has battled postpartum psychosis. It was eye opening to see the progression of her journey beginning with God speaking to her, her time in the hospital and experiences with different therapists. It is a life long journey and she is so lucky to have a strong support system to have her back and the therapist who has help all of them in early recognition of triggers and episodes.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
This was an easy memoir to read- short & to the point. I appreciate her transparency with her mental health struggles and I recognize how difficult it must be to write and talk about it. The writing was enjoyable and I feel like the flashbacks stayed mostly on topic- although it sometimes disrupted the flow of the story. The random switches from first person to third person felt clunky. I understand the point was to express the disassociation the author experienced during this time of her life, but it felt forced.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Read for the mental health rep but it wasn't what I was expecting. I didn't know the author before picking up the book either and while I did appreciate her honesty and vulnerability sharing about her hospitalization, miscarriage, depression and therapy, it didn't hit me quite the way I usually expect from a memoir like this. I can't even say why - a me thing for sure. The author did a good job narrating herself too. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early audio copy in exchange for my honest thoughts.
November 17, 2025
Thank you NetGalley and Worthy Books for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
I've followed Ayana Lage for years and knew she is a talented writer, and this book further proves that point. I loved the nonlinear storytelling; each chapter followed a different aspect of recovering from postpartum psychosis. She includes both excerpts from the diaries she kept during her psychosis and flashbacks to relevant stories from her past. This could have been too clunky in the hands of a less skilled writer, but Lage nails it.
I've followed Ayana Lage for years and knew she is a talented writer, and this book further proves that point. I loved the nonlinear storytelling; each chapter followed a different aspect of recovering from postpartum psychosis. She includes both excerpts from the diaries she kept during her psychosis and flashbacks to relevant stories from her past. This could have been too clunky in the hands of a less skilled writer, but Lage nails it.
November 21, 2025
This was my first NetGalley ARC and I couldn't have picked a more impactful and interesting read! I've followed Ayana online for a few years and reading her story and experience with post-partum psychosis was so eye opening and shows you never know what people on the other side of the screen are going through. I admire the strength of her and her family had going through this experience, and sharing her story with the world will help so many people that may be going through similar experiences.
November 23, 2025
Ayana Lage is such a gifted writer. She is so talented, sensitive, empathetic, and smart. I am so impressed with her ability to write so unsparingly about her experiences and selfishly, her writing has made me feel less alone for a very long time, though our experiences are extremely different. I hope we get the chance to read more long form from her but until then, her newsletter and Instagram captions will suffice. Amazing book!
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Missing Me by Ayanna Lage is an eye-opening and deeply personal memoir. She writes with striking honesty and vulnerability about an incredibly challenging time in her life, and that openness is what makes the story so powerful.
I especially appreciated her transparency and courage in sharing such raw experiences. It’s a thoughtful, emotional read about resilience and finding your way back to yourself.
Missing Me by Ayanna Lage is an eye-opening and deeply personal memoir. She writes with striking honesty and vulnerability about an incredibly challenging time in her life, and that openness is what makes the story so powerful.
I especially appreciated her transparency and courage in sharing such raw experiences. It’s a thoughtful, emotional read about resilience and finding your way back to yourself.
December 3, 2025
I've followed Ayana on Instagram for years and was eager to read her book. Her very honest account of postpartum psychosis is interspersed with other mental health-related events from her past. She's a skillful and engaging writer, and I related to her experiences of anxiety, especially from a faith perspective. I'm sure this memoir will help a lot of people struggling with similar situations.
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