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Burn the Haystack: Decode Dating, Torch the Duds, and Make Room for Men Who Matter
Not yet published
Expected 7 Apr 26It’s time for a feminist dating revolution! The eagerly awaited first book by the creator of the Burned Haystack Dating Method who’s transforming the dating world by helping you ditch the duds, preserve your peace, and find your needle.
How do you find a needle in a haystack? You burn the haystack to the ground.
Among Dr. Jennie Young’s legion of fans, the “needle” is a long-term, committed partner and the “haystack” is the group of men available to date. So often women are advised to “give the guy a chance”—even if the guy is a lazy communicator or looking for someone “fluent in sarcasm.” Young’s refreshing approach to online dating turns this advice on its head: Give almost no one a chance.
A professor of rhetoric and women’s and gender studies, Young has built a career teaching people how to decode the hidden meanings in ordinary communication. Fascinated (and frustrated) by the rhetorical gambits she saw in men’s profiles when she first downloaded a dating app, she created Burned Haystack to help other women navigate the nonsense and find their needles. Her method has quickly spread to more than 250,000 followers and become the smart woman’s guide to online dating sanity.
Young has revolutionized the dating lexicon, calling out rhetorical patterns to watch for in men’s communication:
“I’m a very busy man!”: Leading with this language establishes him at the top of the hierarchy and frames him as a reward for a worthy woman.
Test and Apologize: He texts something sexual, then apologizes before she can respond, pretending it was an “accident.” He’s testing if she’ll be okay with immediate objectification. The test is real; the apology isn’t.
“My kids come first”: Taken literally, this sounds like a good dad. But if you examine the subtext and the context, he’s in effect saying, “Don’t expect too much from me.”
Young’s engaging system empowers readers to sort through profiles quickly and effectively, preserving both time and sanity. And with its blend of scathing humor and academic rigor, Burn the Haystack is so much more than a dating tool—it gives women the skills to break down communication from the classroom to the boardroom and everywhere in between, and the confidence to approach life with a deeper, more powerful level of understanding.
How do you find a needle in a haystack? You burn the haystack to the ground.
Among Dr. Jennie Young’s legion of fans, the “needle” is a long-term, committed partner and the “haystack” is the group of men available to date. So often women are advised to “give the guy a chance”—even if the guy is a lazy communicator or looking for someone “fluent in sarcasm.” Young’s refreshing approach to online dating turns this advice on its head: Give almost no one a chance.
A professor of rhetoric and women’s and gender studies, Young has built a career teaching people how to decode the hidden meanings in ordinary communication. Fascinated (and frustrated) by the rhetorical gambits she saw in men’s profiles when she first downloaded a dating app, she created Burned Haystack to help other women navigate the nonsense and find their needles. Her method has quickly spread to more than 250,000 followers and become the smart woman’s guide to online dating sanity.
Young has revolutionized the dating lexicon, calling out rhetorical patterns to watch for in men’s communication:
“I’m a very busy man!”: Leading with this language establishes him at the top of the hierarchy and frames him as a reward for a worthy woman.
Test and Apologize: He texts something sexual, then apologizes before she can respond, pretending it was an “accident.” He’s testing if she’ll be okay with immediate objectification. The test is real; the apology isn’t.
“My kids come first”: Taken literally, this sounds like a good dad. But if you examine the subtext and the context, he’s in effect saying, “Don’t expect too much from me.”
Young’s engaging system empowers readers to sort through profiles quickly and effectively, preserving both time and sanity. And with its blend of scathing humor and academic rigor, Burn the Haystack is so much more than a dating tool—it gives women the skills to break down communication from the classroom to the boardroom and everywhere in between, and the confidence to approach life with a deeper, more powerful level of understanding.
320 pages, Hardcover
Expected publication April 7, 2026
2027 people want to read
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
January 1, 2026
Jennie Young's book "Burn The Haystack" was a very interesting read and applicable to way more than online dating. This book is primarily for women looking to date men.
The "Burned Haystack" dating method operates differently from standard dating advice: don't tolerate nonsense from men as seen in dating messages like "hey," "wyd," and anything creepy. "Block to burn" the haystack down and eventually find your proverbial needle in the haystack. Don't just swipe away from men who aren't matches, block them or the app will keep showing you the same profiles. Don't be afraid to be ruthless.
This book has two things that most relationship advice books don't:
1. Humor
2. An academic framework/critical discourse analysis/rhetoric
I particularly enjoyed the humor aspect, which elevated this into a far more interesting read than many relationship advice books. The academic elements of this book were insightful and still accessible to a non-academic audience.
You can also apply Jennie Young's theories into the workplace, as well as relationships with friends and family. Even if you're not online dating currently or are in a relationship like I am, I think there's still much to be learned from this book.
4 stars.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book complimentary from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.
The "Burned Haystack" dating method operates differently from standard dating advice: don't tolerate nonsense from men as seen in dating messages like "hey," "wyd," and anything creepy. "Block to burn" the haystack down and eventually find your proverbial needle in the haystack. Don't just swipe away from men who aren't matches, block them or the app will keep showing you the same profiles. Don't be afraid to be ruthless.
This book has two things that most relationship advice books don't:
1. Humor
2. An academic framework/critical discourse analysis/rhetoric
I particularly enjoyed the humor aspect, which elevated this into a far more interesting read than many relationship advice books. The academic elements of this book were insightful and still accessible to a non-academic audience.
You can also apply Jennie Young's theories into the workplace, as well as relationships with friends and family. Even if you're not online dating currently or are in a relationship like I am, I think there's still much to be learned from this book.
4 stars.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book complimentary from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.
Displaying 1 of 1 review