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The Place Between Our Pains: A Memoir of What Joy Can Survive
Not yet published
Expected 19 May 26An upcoming book to be published by Penguin Random House.
- GenresMemoir
320 pages, Hardcover
Expected publication May 19, 2026
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43 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
January 15, 2026
It is funny to write a review of a book that really made me Feel things, because it seems like none of my words will be good enough. But let me get the most mundane thing out of the way first: the American healthcare system is a fucking disgrace. Phew. Glad that’s off my chest.
If you follow K.J. Ramsey on the internet, you know what is coming in the second section of the book, which is actually what took me so long to read it. I had to put it down and mentally be in a place where I could handle the pain that was coming. Ramsey’s ability to connect makes you ache for what is about to happen.
What most moved me about her memoir is the fierce hold onto joy and silliness and community. Yes there is pain. To be human is to have pain. Sometimes mundane pain and sometimes catastrophic pain. Psychic pain, physical pain, moral injury pain. At one point while reading, I thought of The Princess Bride: Life is pain, highness. Any one who says differently is selling something. (And if that’s not a metaphor for the evangelical church, I don’t know what is)
Anyway. I’ve never read something that so accurately describes how I experience prayer. My desire after reading is to push into the limits of my own aliveness even with the limits my body places on me.
If you follow K.J. Ramsey on the internet, you know what is coming in the second section of the book, which is actually what took me so long to read it. I had to put it down and mentally be in a place where I could handle the pain that was coming. Ramsey’s ability to connect makes you ache for what is about to happen.
What most moved me about her memoir is the fierce hold onto joy and silliness and community. Yes there is pain. To be human is to have pain. Sometimes mundane pain and sometimes catastrophic pain. Psychic pain, physical pain, moral injury pain. At one point while reading, I thought of The Princess Bride: Life is pain, highness. Any one who says differently is selling something. (And if that’s not a metaphor for the evangelical church, I don’t know what is)
Anyway. I’ve never read something that so accurately describes how I experience prayer. My desire after reading is to push into the limits of my own aliveness even with the limits my body places on me.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
KJ has a way with words. There really isn't any more to be said.
As a medical provider, her perspective and POV as a patient is something to remember. I never want a patient to feel dismissed, calling me Dr. Dick! I was disappointed by those who didn't bother to help. And inspired by those who kept advocating and searching for answers.
Would like an update on the medical condition..somehow.
As a medical provider, her perspective and POV as a patient is something to remember. I never want a patient to feel dismissed, calling me Dr. Dick! I was disappointed by those who didn't bother to help. And inspired by those who kept advocating and searching for answers.
Would like an update on the medical condition..somehow.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I couldn't help but reach out to author K.J. Ramsey as I began her latest book, "The Place Between Our Pains: A Memoir of What Joy Can Survive."
I had to tell her that this would be my latest "hospital" book, my latest book to be read while enduring yet another hospitalization during my sixty-year long journey with Spina Bifida. This journey, to be honest, was rather simple. Months in the planning, this was to be an overnight stay to remove yet another kidney stone to be followed by a week of recovery.
I was only a few pages into "The Place Between Our Pains" when I cried for the first time.
Okay. Okay. I sobbed. There, are you happy?
I laughed. I cried. I grieved. I remembered. I felt lonely. I felt fear. I dreamed. I even felt a little envy, yes envy.
"The Place Between Our Pains" is unapologetically raw. It is a memoir, a bit of a change of pace for Ramsey who often dwells within the spaces of lyrical self-help and poetry with a rich, more progressive theology layered in. "The Place Between Our Pains" is, however, K.J., still inherently helpful because that's in her bones (Sorry, K.J. Dark humor won.). However, the mission at hand here is less about self-help and more about establishing a body-centered way of living so rebellious and so defiantly committed to joy that not even the deepest, darkest hurts can snag it away.
If you know Ramsey, and you should, you know her as this deeply nature-committed soul who thrives on trails, practically orgasms with wildflowers, and embraces truth-telling. Most of us who follow Ramsey know the framework of this story -at one of the healthiest points she's had in recent years, Ramsey went off on a journey across national parks only to return and be thrust straight into a harrowing and life-threatening journey.
There's a question that seems to radiate throughout every trial, every tribulation, and every moment of despair - is joy still possible in this place?
Time and again, Ramsey answers with defiantly dark humor and twisted sarcasm "Yes. Yes, it is." This doesn't mean we're bathed in toxic positivity.We're not. About the only thing I'd call toxic to be found in "The Place Between Our Pains" would be the medications that hurt, the medical professionals that gaslight, and the systems that too often keep us grasping for a joy that seems ever so elusive.
If you know anything about my own story, you know that I'm a now sixty-year-old adult with Spina Bifida having long outlived my life expectancy along with the expectations for the quality of that life. I've had right around 100 surgeries. I'm also a paraplegic, double amputee, and two-time cancer survivor. I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and someone whose life has been filled with grief in a myriad of expressions.
I'm not K.J. Ramsey nor is this my story, however, Ramsey writes with such intimacy and universality that one cannot help but feel the truth of her words in our own life experiences.
And yet, time and again Ramsey's experience has been similar to my own. Yes, joy can survive and thrive through our darkest valleys and fights to stay alive.
"The Place Between Our Pains" doesn't sugarcoat the journey nor minimize the pain whether it's disbelieving doctors, bodies we can't control, medical debt, or the unfathomable truth of learning how to love the person we have become through all of our challenges.
I've long adored both Ramsey and her writing. In "The Place Between Our Pains," I couldn't help but fall in love with this husband of hers, Ryan, whose presence, grace, steadfastness, and occasional fits of brutal honesty are sublime. While it's hard for us who know Ramsey through her online presence to imagine anything but quirky humor and therapeutic insights, you don't go through these experiences unscathed and without moments of raw truths, absolute rages, shaking fears, and uncomfortable vulnerability.
"The Place Between Our Pains" is a memoir as much of joy as it is of pain. It is a memoir filled with Ramsey's twisted humor, lyrical storytelling, and vulnerable wonderings. We hear of those weeks and months when we heard less from Ramsey, knowing only bits and pieces of her journey whether she was enduring bedpans (NOTE: I will confess I wondered how she'd gotten this far in the journey without having this experience.), Mayo Clinic visits, uncommon intimacy with in-laws, friends who just kept showing up, and a medical system far too often more interested in perpetuating itself than actually healing its patients.
Why did I cry that first day? And several times after? Because this IS what joy can survive. "The Place Between Our Pains" doesn't just say "show up" in this life you'd never choose - it shows you with aching vulnerability and honesty someone who's doing it and those around her who are doing it and who are living into this idea that love doesn't leave, at least not easily, and that love actually grows when we show up, become village, and experience these things together. Again, that's not toxic positivity (for which Ramsey has little tolerance). It's a recognition that joy survives. Love survives. We are stronger together.
There were times as I read "The Place Between Our Pains" that I ached. Yes, I felt envy. During my cancer journey almost three years ago, I had one particular day when I felt, with absolute conviction, I was dying.
Of course, I didn't. An insightful nurse saw what was going on and took actions that I remain convinced saved my life that day. And yet, I was alone.
I was dying and alone. That still haunts me. I swore to myself I'd not let that happen ever again. Ramsey's storytelling me reminded me of my misguided efforts to be so fiercely independent that I blocked everyone out. I longed for people who visited, who touched, who helped, and who were part of a more hands-on village. I longed for that clinical, impersonal touch to not be the only touch I experience in my life.
And I wept. I wept a lot.
"The Place Between Our Pains" is, indeed, a memoir of what joy can survive. It's a reminder that our stories matter - the entirety of our stories. With refreshingly raw honesty and vulnerable humanity, Ramsey has crafted a lyrical memoir needing to be read by everyone from medical professionals to pastors to those living with chronic illnesses. It left me asking the question for myself "Where has joy survived in my own life?"
I had to tell her that this would be my latest "hospital" book, my latest book to be read while enduring yet another hospitalization during my sixty-year long journey with Spina Bifida. This journey, to be honest, was rather simple. Months in the planning, this was to be an overnight stay to remove yet another kidney stone to be followed by a week of recovery.
I was only a few pages into "The Place Between Our Pains" when I cried for the first time.
Okay. Okay. I sobbed. There, are you happy?
I laughed. I cried. I grieved. I remembered. I felt lonely. I felt fear. I dreamed. I even felt a little envy, yes envy.
"The Place Between Our Pains" is unapologetically raw. It is a memoir, a bit of a change of pace for Ramsey who often dwells within the spaces of lyrical self-help and poetry with a rich, more progressive theology layered in. "The Place Between Our Pains" is, however, K.J., still inherently helpful because that's in her bones (Sorry, K.J. Dark humor won.). However, the mission at hand here is less about self-help and more about establishing a body-centered way of living so rebellious and so defiantly committed to joy that not even the deepest, darkest hurts can snag it away.
If you know Ramsey, and you should, you know her as this deeply nature-committed soul who thrives on trails, practically orgasms with wildflowers, and embraces truth-telling. Most of us who follow Ramsey know the framework of this story -at one of the healthiest points she's had in recent years, Ramsey went off on a journey across national parks only to return and be thrust straight into a harrowing and life-threatening journey.
There's a question that seems to radiate throughout every trial, every tribulation, and every moment of despair - is joy still possible in this place?
Time and again, Ramsey answers with defiantly dark humor and twisted sarcasm "Yes. Yes, it is." This doesn't mean we're bathed in toxic positivity.We're not. About the only thing I'd call toxic to be found in "The Place Between Our Pains" would be the medications that hurt, the medical professionals that gaslight, and the systems that too often keep us grasping for a joy that seems ever so elusive.
If you know anything about my own story, you know that I'm a now sixty-year-old adult with Spina Bifida having long outlived my life expectancy along with the expectations for the quality of that life. I've had right around 100 surgeries. I'm also a paraplegic, double amputee, and two-time cancer survivor. I'm a survivor of sexual abuse and someone whose life has been filled with grief in a myriad of expressions.
I'm not K.J. Ramsey nor is this my story, however, Ramsey writes with such intimacy and universality that one cannot help but feel the truth of her words in our own life experiences.
And yet, time and again Ramsey's experience has been similar to my own. Yes, joy can survive and thrive through our darkest valleys and fights to stay alive.
"The Place Between Our Pains" doesn't sugarcoat the journey nor minimize the pain whether it's disbelieving doctors, bodies we can't control, medical debt, or the unfathomable truth of learning how to love the person we have become through all of our challenges.
I've long adored both Ramsey and her writing. In "The Place Between Our Pains," I couldn't help but fall in love with this husband of hers, Ryan, whose presence, grace, steadfastness, and occasional fits of brutal honesty are sublime. While it's hard for us who know Ramsey through her online presence to imagine anything but quirky humor and therapeutic insights, you don't go through these experiences unscathed and without moments of raw truths, absolute rages, shaking fears, and uncomfortable vulnerability.
"The Place Between Our Pains" is a memoir as much of joy as it is of pain. It is a memoir filled with Ramsey's twisted humor, lyrical storytelling, and vulnerable wonderings. We hear of those weeks and months when we heard less from Ramsey, knowing only bits and pieces of her journey whether she was enduring bedpans (NOTE: I will confess I wondered how she'd gotten this far in the journey without having this experience.), Mayo Clinic visits, uncommon intimacy with in-laws, friends who just kept showing up, and a medical system far too often more interested in perpetuating itself than actually healing its patients.
Why did I cry that first day? And several times after? Because this IS what joy can survive. "The Place Between Our Pains" doesn't just say "show up" in this life you'd never choose - it shows you with aching vulnerability and honesty someone who's doing it and those around her who are doing it and who are living into this idea that love doesn't leave, at least not easily, and that love actually grows when we show up, become village, and experience these things together. Again, that's not toxic positivity (for which Ramsey has little tolerance). It's a recognition that joy survives. Love survives. We are stronger together.
There were times as I read "The Place Between Our Pains" that I ached. Yes, I felt envy. During my cancer journey almost three years ago, I had one particular day when I felt, with absolute conviction, I was dying.
Of course, I didn't. An insightful nurse saw what was going on and took actions that I remain convinced saved my life that day. And yet, I was alone.
I was dying and alone. That still haunts me. I swore to myself I'd not let that happen ever again. Ramsey's storytelling me reminded me of my misguided efforts to be so fiercely independent that I blocked everyone out. I longed for people who visited, who touched, who helped, and who were part of a more hands-on village. I longed for that clinical, impersonal touch to not be the only touch I experience in my life.
And I wept. I wept a lot.
"The Place Between Our Pains" is, indeed, a memoir of what joy can survive. It's a reminder that our stories matter - the entirety of our stories. With refreshingly raw honesty and vulnerable humanity, Ramsey has crafted a lyrical memoir needing to be read by everyone from medical professionals to pastors to those living with chronic illnesses. It left me asking the question for myself "Where has joy survived in my own life?"
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
K.J. Ramsey has authored several books in the past, but this is her first memoir. In "The Place Between Our Pains: A Memoir of What Joy Can Survive", Ramsey honestly shares the highs (traveling cross country and visiting national parks) and lows (the near death experiences) of her life. She writes honestly about her autoimmune disorders, but is able to do so in a compelling way. Ramsey takes her readers through various medical appointments, hospital stays, and more as doctors and specialists work to determine what is causing her body to essentially fall apart. When talking about the grief she feels and the difficulty she has holding on to her faith, Ramsey asserts that "grief does not preclude goodness." She goes on to share a story about her friend Tara who taught her that the word "forsaken" in Psalm 22 actually means "loosened." She goes on to "paint . . . a picture of swaddling; a baby wrapped tight in a blanked by their parent to sleep or be soothed must be unwrapped if they are ever to crawl or walk. Forsaken means loosened, for the sake of expansion." This brought a whole new viewpoint for me about the phrase, "Why have you forsaken me?"
I also enjoyed the way Ramsey speaks about faith and warns Christians about how to speak to those hurting or in need. She says, "God-talk becomes empty when it is used to gain and hold power rather than give it away . . . Too many people speak of spirituality when what is most needed is silence. Too many people claim confidence in God's will and ways when what would be most comforting and honest is to just sit together and feel sad." I appreciated Ramsey's candor and transparency, and would recommend this book to others, specifically those who are hurting. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.
I also enjoyed the way Ramsey speaks about faith and warns Christians about how to speak to those hurting or in need. She says, "God-talk becomes empty when it is used to gain and hold power rather than give it away . . . Too many people speak of spirituality when what is most needed is silence. Too many people claim confidence in God's will and ways when what would be most comforting and honest is to just sit together and feel sad." I appreciated Ramsey's candor and transparency, and would recommend this book to others, specifically those who are hurting. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.
October 30, 2025
** ARC Review **
A must-read for anyone who has ever known pain—which is to say, everyone.
K.J. Ramsey has written a book that feels less like a memoir and more like a lifeline. In a world full of toxic positivity, her raw, honest, and often darkly funny account of enduring a life-threatening illness is a stunningly refreshing breath of air. This book doesn't offer pat answers or empty reassurances. Instead, it offers something far more valuable: a companion for the long road of suffering and a fierce permission slip to be fully human, messiness and all.
Ramsey’s lyrical prose invites you into her most vulnerable moments, from the highs of a cross-country road trip to the crushing lows of hospital beds and medical gaslighting. She tackles the difficult questions about faith, healing, and whether joy can truly survive the deepest trauma. The honesty with which she approaches these topics is both courageous and deeply comforting.
This is a book that validates, uplifts, and shows you that even in the most painful spaces, joy and love can be found. It’s a testament to the power of embodied experience and a powerful rebuke of any ideology that insists on a tidy resolution to suffering. For anyone who has felt lost, misunderstood, or abandoned in their pain, The Place Between Our Pains is a profound and essential read.
A must-read for anyone who has ever known pain—which is to say, everyone.
K.J. Ramsey has written a book that feels less like a memoir and more like a lifeline. In a world full of toxic positivity, her raw, honest, and often darkly funny account of enduring a life-threatening illness is a stunningly refreshing breath of air. This book doesn't offer pat answers or empty reassurances. Instead, it offers something far more valuable: a companion for the long road of suffering and a fierce permission slip to be fully human, messiness and all.
Ramsey’s lyrical prose invites you into her most vulnerable moments, from the highs of a cross-country road trip to the crushing lows of hospital beds and medical gaslighting. She tackles the difficult questions about faith, healing, and whether joy can truly survive the deepest trauma. The honesty with which she approaches these topics is both courageous and deeply comforting.
This is a book that validates, uplifts, and shows you that even in the most painful spaces, joy and love can be found. It’s a testament to the power of embodied experience and a powerful rebuke of any ideology that insists on a tidy resolution to suffering. For anyone who has felt lost, misunderstood, or abandoned in their pain, The Place Between Our Pains is a profound and essential read.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
[ARC from NetGalley]
In "The Place Between Our Pains", K.J. Ramsey takes us with her on an "adventure" that panned out a little differently than planned. Exploring some of the beloved national parks she had visited in her childhood, we initially witness her being present to herself in nature and healing some deep emotional wounds. The journey takes a turn, however, with the explosive onset of some scary symptoms.
Writing from the depths of her experience, K.J. shares the harrowing dance with near-death, the fight for her life, and the struggle to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of her own personal mystery illness tsunami. The writing is beautifully and heart-breakingly honest, not shying away from the sheer awfulness of the "hard thing", while unearthing glimmers of joy and laughter right there in the midst of it.
Deeply moving and genuinely uplifting, especially for those of us who live with our own collection of chronic illnesses. I know it's a cliche, but I laughed and cried, often both at once, and finished the book feeling a little more connected with my own drive to find joy in the place between my pains.
In "The Place Between Our Pains", K.J. Ramsey takes us with her on an "adventure" that panned out a little differently than planned. Exploring some of the beloved national parks she had visited in her childhood, we initially witness her being present to herself in nature and healing some deep emotional wounds. The journey takes a turn, however, with the explosive onset of some scary symptoms.
Writing from the depths of her experience, K.J. shares the harrowing dance with near-death, the fight for her life, and the struggle to pick up the pieces in the aftermath of her own personal mystery illness tsunami. The writing is beautifully and heart-breakingly honest, not shying away from the sheer awfulness of the "hard thing", while unearthing glimmers of joy and laughter right there in the midst of it.
Deeply moving and genuinely uplifting, especially for those of us who live with our own collection of chronic illnesses. I know it's a cliche, but I laughed and cried, often both at once, and finished the book feeling a little more connected with my own drive to find joy in the place between my pains.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
far more memoir than i thought it was going to be - i appreciate the author taking us through a journey of her pain and reminding us that joy can exist in little moments between and even during the painful moments.
thanks to netgalley for the early copy!
thanks to netgalley for the early copy!
January 23, 2026
What a gift for KJ to share the story of hope and enduring joy even in her darkest of days. I’m so grateful for the way she models embracing the lives we’re given and fighting to show up each day.
January 9, 2026
Gosh, this story 🤯
This book felt like a privilege to read. It came to me at the right time, in the middle of a medical crisis in my family. While reading about someone’s traumatic illness while things are hard in your own life doesn’t sound ideal, it was actually very reassuring - someone is telling the truth about just how awful things can be.
The author starts the book on a high, touring national parks with a friend, pointing to the beauty of nature and friendship. But a catastrophic allergic reaction to a medical procedure kicks off a horrific journey of sickness and at times appalling, at other (fewer) times compassionate medical treatment.
It really blows your mind what some people have to walk through, this journey felt deeply unfair in a lot of ways. I appreciate the level of honesty and think it will help a lot of people feel seen.
Thank you so much to NetGalley and the publisher for the digital arc.
This book felt like a privilege to read. It came to me at the right time, in the middle of a medical crisis in my family. While reading about someone’s traumatic illness while things are hard in your own life doesn’t sound ideal, it was actually very reassuring - someone is telling the truth about just how awful things can be.
The author starts the book on a high, touring national parks with a friend, pointing to the beauty of nature and friendship. But a catastrophic allergic reaction to a medical procedure kicks off a horrific journey of sickness and at times appalling, at other (fewer) times compassionate medical treatment.
It really blows your mind what some people have to walk through, this journey felt deeply unfair in a lot of ways. I appreciate the level of honesty and think it will help a lot of people feel seen.
Thank you so much to NetGalley and the publisher for the digital arc.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews