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Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust
This bestselling conflict resolution book has helped thousands of people effectively collaborate across deep divides. Now it's been updated with 50 percent new material for an increasingly polarized world.
"Adam Kahane worked with us on the future of our country. The four scenarios we built have come to life one after another, and today we are living the best one....Kahane explains how scenario planning can transform the future. In Colombia we can attest that such transformation is really possible." —Juan Manuel Santos, President of Colombia and Nobel Peace Prize recipient
In today's fractured world, collaboration is increasingly difficult yet more crucial than ever. Often, to get something done that really matters, we need to work with people we don't agree with, like, or trust. Drawing from thirty-plus years of experience working with leaders in over fifty countries, Adam Kahane shows why conventional collaboration—requiring harmony and agreement—is obsolete. Instead, he provides a groundbreaking approach that embraces discord, experimentation, and genuine cocreation.
Kahane introduces three key stretches to navigate difficult
Stretch to embrace conflict and connection
Stretch to experiment and learn
Stretch to step into the game
This substantially revised second edition adds multiple new chapters exploring how to work across deepening divides and with those we may never agree with. Using new case studies, a discussion guide, and frameworks for navigating permanent plurality in our polarized times, Kahane offers essential tools for transforming conflict into positive change.
"Adam Kahane worked with us on the future of our country. The four scenarios we built have come to life one after another, and today we are living the best one....Kahane explains how scenario planning can transform the future. In Colombia we can attest that such transformation is really possible." —Juan Manuel Santos, President of Colombia and Nobel Peace Prize recipient
In today's fractured world, collaboration is increasingly difficult yet more crucial than ever. Often, to get something done that really matters, we need to work with people we don't agree with, like, or trust. Drawing from thirty-plus years of experience working with leaders in over fifty countries, Adam Kahane shows why conventional collaboration—requiring harmony and agreement—is obsolete. Instead, he provides a groundbreaking approach that embraces discord, experimentation, and genuine cocreation.
Kahane introduces three key stretches to navigate difficult
Stretch to embrace conflict and connection
Stretch to experiment and learn
Stretch to step into the game
This substantially revised second edition adds multiple new chapters exploring how to work across deepening divides and with those we may never agree with. Using new case studies, a discussion guide, and frameworks for navigating permanent plurality in our polarized times, Kahane offers essential tools for transforming conflict into positive change.
248 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 25, 2025
About the author
Adam Kahane
21 books92 followersAdam Kahane is a Director of Reos Partners, an international social enterprise that helps people move forward together on their most important and intractable issues.
Adam is a leading organizer, designer and facilitator of processes through which business, government, and civil society leaders can work together to address such challenges. He has worked in more than fifty countries, in every part of the world, with executives and politicians, generals and guerrillas, civil servants and trade unionists, community activists and United Nations officials, clergy and artists.
Adam is a Member of the Order of Canada. In 2022 he was named a Schwab Foundation Social Innovation Thought Leader of the Year at the World Economic Forum in Davos.
Adam is a leading organizer, designer and facilitator of processes through which business, government, and civil society leaders can work together to address such challenges. He has worked in more than fifty countries, in every part of the world, with executives and politicians, generals and guerrillas, civil servants and trade unionists, community activists and United Nations officials, clergy and artists.
Adam is a Member of the Order of Canada. In 2022 he was named a Schwab Foundation Social Innovation Thought Leader of the Year at the World Economic Forum in Davos.
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
December 18, 2025
Since I’ve been taking to everyone this week about Adam Kahane’s (with Ian Prinsloo) new 2nd edition of his famed Collaborating with the Enemy this week, I might as well tell you all too!
What particularly struck me of course were the sections on stretch collaboration; working with love, power & justice; and of course the call to self-awareness.
My biggest insight here was around the interlocking nature of love, power & justice, the relationships between them & the importance of balancing all three.
The self-reflection & coaching questions by Ian were particularly insightful too. I’m grateful for them.
I also appreciated his reference in the back to bell hook’s book on love & power, but I wished he’d included more references to that in the main text.
What struck me was that as I talked to several women about the book, particularly Agile coaches, facilitators, and team leads, they asked particularly what insights Adam would give for those moments of real unsafety, when things get too heated and threats, melt-downs or flashy displays of rage burst out.
Calling a time-out & pausing the meeting for a walk is great. And not always possible. What else has Adam learned for handling these extreme storming moments?
And what are his techniques for returning the rest of the group to safety, if not to equanimity?
Obvs. I highly recommend this book to all, but esp. leaders, coaches, facilitators, counselors, Agilists & Toyota/Lean people.
What particularly struck me of course were the sections on stretch collaboration; working with love, power & justice; and of course the call to self-awareness.
My biggest insight here was around the interlocking nature of love, power & justice, the relationships between them & the importance of balancing all three.
The self-reflection & coaching questions by Ian were particularly insightful too. I’m grateful for them.
I also appreciated his reference in the back to bell hook’s book on love & power, but I wished he’d included more references to that in the main text.
What struck me was that as I talked to several women about the book, particularly Agile coaches, facilitators, and team leads, they asked particularly what insights Adam would give for those moments of real unsafety, when things get too heated and threats, melt-downs or flashy displays of rage burst out.
Calling a time-out & pausing the meeting for a walk is great. And not always possible. What else has Adam learned for handling these extreme storming moments?
And what are his techniques for returning the rest of the group to safety, if not to equanimity?
Obvs. I highly recommend this book to all, but esp. leaders, coaches, facilitators, counselors, Agilists & Toyota/Lean people.
January 21, 2026
I don’t normally review books but this one is worth a review (and read!).
Now is the time for more collaboration across difference.
In my work, we often talk about breaking down silos or fostering alignment, but this book reminds us that meaningful collaboration happens through the hard conversations, bravely navigating the unexpected, and the choices we make when things don’t go as planned.
If you care about real impact — whether in your organization, your community, or your partnerships — this book is worth your time!
Now is the time for more collaboration across difference.
In my work, we often talk about breaking down silos or fostering alignment, but this book reminds us that meaningful collaboration happens through the hard conversations, bravely navigating the unexpected, and the choices we make when things don’t go as planned.
If you care about real impact — whether in your organization, your community, or your partnerships — this book is worth your time!
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews