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The Mediator's Handbook
The field of mediation has expanded dramatically since Friends Conflict Resolution Programs published the original MediatorÌs Handbook in 1982, the first "how-to" mediation manual available to the public. Since then, mediation has evolved from an alternative approach to conflict resolution for community activists to a process that has become part of our everyday landscape.
Continuously in print for fifteen years, The Mediator's Handbook provides a time-tested, flexible model for effective mediation in diverse environments and situations. Completely revised, the new edition provides a clear overview of mediation and conflict; a section that walks through each step in the mediation process; a large "Toolbox" section that details the skills and approaches used by professional mediators; and a final section that looks at informal mediation. Whether new to the art of mediation or an experienced professional, people working in corporations, government agencies, community organizations, schools, and any other situation where there is a need to build bridges between diverse perspectives will find The MediatorÌs Handbook a valuable resource.
Jennifer E. Beer is the author of the original Mediator’s Handbook and helped develop Friends Conflict Resolution Programs' well-known mediation training course. She is the founder of JB Intercultural Consulting. Eileen Stief created FCRP's mediation program and training course 20 years ago. She is now a partner in PennACCORD Associates, a firm specializing in dispute resolution and conflict management. She is co-author of FCRP's School Mediation Trainer's Manual. Friends Conflict Resolution Programs is a program of the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) and is one of the longest-running mediation programs in the United States.
Continuously in print for fifteen years, The Mediator's Handbook provides a time-tested, flexible model for effective mediation in diverse environments and situations. Completely revised, the new edition provides a clear overview of mediation and conflict; a section that walks through each step in the mediation process; a large "Toolbox" section that details the skills and approaches used by professional mediators; and a final section that looks at informal mediation. Whether new to the art of mediation or an experienced professional, people working in corporations, government agencies, community organizations, schools, and any other situation where there is a need to build bridges between diverse perspectives will find The MediatorÌs Handbook a valuable resource.
Jennifer E. Beer is the author of the original Mediator’s Handbook and helped develop Friends Conflict Resolution Programs' well-known mediation training course. She is the founder of JB Intercultural Consulting. Eileen Stief created FCRP's mediation program and training course 20 years ago. She is now a partner in PennACCORD Associates, a firm specializing in dispute resolution and conflict management. She is co-author of FCRP's School Mediation Trainer's Manual. Friends Conflict Resolution Programs is a program of the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) and is one of the longest-running mediation programs in the United States.
176 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 1997
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July 14, 2025Conflict is an unavoidable part of human relationships, but "The Mediator’s Handbook" by Jennifer E. Beer and Caroline C. Packard demonstrates that how we approach conflict can change everything. This practical guide unpacks how mediation, a structured yet flexible method, offers people in conflict a chance to resolve tensions in a calm, collaborative way—without resorting to blame, escalation, or legal battles. Whether it’s a loud neighbor, a workplace misunderstanding, or a falling-out between friends, the book shows how mediation helps restore communication, uncover hidden needs, and lead participants toward solutions that work for everyone involved.
Mediation stands out because it gives people agency in resolving their own problems. It’s not about a judge deciding who's right; it’s about helping those involved find common ground. The process is designed to lower emotional defenses by allowing space for each side to express their experiences without interruption. A neutral facilitator guides the exchange, making sure the tone stays respectful and the conversation doesn’t get derailed. What’s powerful about this approach is that it welcomes both practical concerns and emotional ones. People aren’t required to sanitize their grievances for a courtroom. Instead, they can express frustrations, name personal values, and talk through misunderstandings in a space designed for listening and constructive dialogue.
The book explains that mediation tends to follow a consistent flow: first, each person gets a chance to speak, uninterrupted. This alone can release a lot of the pressure. Then, misunderstandings are clarified, and only after this emotional groundwork is done does the group start talking solutions. This order matters. Jumping into problem-solving too early often leads to unworkable compromises or resentment. But once people feel truly heard, they’re more open to collaborating.
Importantly, success in mediation doesn’t always mean a formal agreement. Sometimes, just reaching a clearer understanding or easing tension can be equally meaningful. The real goal is helping people move forward with less hostility, more clarity, and perhaps even restored trust. The mediator's role is subtle—they don't offer answers but create space for answers to emerge. By listening attentively, staying neutral, and knowing when to steer or when to hold back, they support participants without controlling the outcome.
This book also dives into the roots of conflict itself, showing that what looks like a surface-level disagreement is usually connected to deeper needs or pain. For instance, someone angry about dishes left in the sink might actually feel unappreciated or disrespected. By naming concrete behaviors, people can uncover what’s really at stake—whether it’s a sense of fairness, emotional safety, or the future of a relationship. Emotions play a central role in conflict, and the authors explain how anger, fear, and even silence often mask these deeper drivers. Mediation works because it allows those emotions to be voiced and understood, not dismissed.
To help make sense of conflict complexity, the book introduces the 'conflict triangle,' which maps out three key aspects: the people and their relationship, the process by which they’re communicating, and the specific problem they’re trying to solve. Addressing only one piece, like just solving the immediate issue, can miss the larger picture. That’s why mediators are trained to draw out interests—the real needs behind stated positions. When people talk about ‘why’ something matters to them, new possibilities open up. Suddenly, it’s not about who wins, but about how everyone can get their needs met.
However, not every conflict is right for mediation. The authors are clear about its limits. If there’s abuse, coercion, or a massive power imbalance, mediation could do more harm than good. It also won’t work if one party can’t understand the situation or is acting in bad faith. That said, when people are willing to talk, want resolution, and have a stake in the outcome, mediation can be transformative.
The book details how mediators begin with private conversations to build trust and explain the process. These initial chats help people voice fears and clarify expectations. Especially when mediation is court-ordered or prompted by an authority figure, the mediator must be upfront about participants’ rights, the process, and what happens if no agreement is reached. Ensuring a sense of safety and voluntary participation is essential to the integrity of the process.
Once everyone’s agreed to take part, the mediator sets the tone—before a word is spoken. From choosing a neutral, comfortable space to setting the room up calmly and clearly, everything contributes to reducing anxiety. When the session begins, mediators introduce the process, explain ground rules, and invite people to speak. Each party has uninterrupted time to tell their story. The mediator listens closely, not just to the words, but to the emotions and patterns beneath them. This creates a foundation of being heard, which opens the door to deeper conversation.
The next stage—the exchange—is often where breakthroughs happen. Participants start responding to each other’s stories. The mediator helps them explore what was misunderstood or left unsaid. This is where emotional energy is high, and the mediator must keep things from boiling over. Reframing language—turning accusations into expressions of need—and surfacing shared concerns helps reorient the discussion toward curiosity instead of defensiveness. Once there’s enough shared understanding, the group moves on to brainstorming solutions.
Problem-solving in mediation is both creative and grounded. The mediator helps build a clear topic list—a roadmap of what needs to be addressed. These topics are framed as questions, like 'How can we ensure everyone feels heard in meetings?' rather than blame-filled statements like 'Stop interrupting me.' Then the group explores ideas, without judgment. Later, they test the best ones against practical filters: does this meet everyone’s needs, and will it work in real life?
Here, the mediator’s job is to facilitate rather than suggest. They challenge ideas gently, checking feasibility, and help the group refine rough concepts into actionable steps. Final agreements are written in plain, specific terms. Everyone should know what will happen, when, and how. Informal agreements are valid too—as long as the participants trust them. What matters most is that the resolution fits the people involved, not some external standard.
The closing of a mediation is just as important as the opening. A well-handled wrap-up recognizes the work people have done—both emotional and practical. The mediator reviews the agreement, answers lingering questions, and confirms what comes next. Even participants who entered skeptical often leave feeling respected, validated, and clearer about how to move on.
Throughout the book, the authors emphasize that mediation isn’t just for professionals. Teachers, parents, friends, and community members can all use its core principles: listen well, stay neutral, and structure conversations to allow understanding. The skills of a mediator—such as active listening, open-ended questioning, summarizing, and reframing—are all learnable and useful in everyday life.
The final section of the book categorizes the mediator’s toolkit into three areas: supporting people, managing process, and guiding problem-solving. Supporting people means creating emotional safety through presence, neutrality, and attentive listening. Managing the process involves keeping the conversation focused and constructive. Guiding problem-solving means helping people generate and test ideas that could work for all involved. Each area includes tools like summarizing, brainstorming, and reframing, all aimed at keeping participants engaged and moving forward.
Ultimately, "The Mediator’s Handbook" shows that mediation is more than a conflict resolution method—it’s a way of seeing others with empathy and respect, even in disagreement. When people are given the space to speak honestly and be heard without judgment, they often discover shared ground they didn’t think existed. Whether or not a formal agreement is reached, mediation can provide emotional clarity, a fresh start, or even the repair of strained relationships. In a world full of polarized conversations and hasty conclusions, this book offers a reminder: listening—truly listening—is often the most powerful first step toward resolution.
Mediation stands out because it gives people agency in resolving their own problems. It’s not about a judge deciding who's right; it’s about helping those involved find common ground. The process is designed to lower emotional defenses by allowing space for each side to express their experiences without interruption. A neutral facilitator guides the exchange, making sure the tone stays respectful and the conversation doesn’t get derailed. What’s powerful about this approach is that it welcomes both practical concerns and emotional ones. People aren’t required to sanitize their grievances for a courtroom. Instead, they can express frustrations, name personal values, and talk through misunderstandings in a space designed for listening and constructive dialogue.
The book explains that mediation tends to follow a consistent flow: first, each person gets a chance to speak, uninterrupted. This alone can release a lot of the pressure. Then, misunderstandings are clarified, and only after this emotional groundwork is done does the group start talking solutions. This order matters. Jumping into problem-solving too early often leads to unworkable compromises or resentment. But once people feel truly heard, they’re more open to collaborating.
Importantly, success in mediation doesn’t always mean a formal agreement. Sometimes, just reaching a clearer understanding or easing tension can be equally meaningful. The real goal is helping people move forward with less hostility, more clarity, and perhaps even restored trust. The mediator's role is subtle—they don't offer answers but create space for answers to emerge. By listening attentively, staying neutral, and knowing when to steer or when to hold back, they support participants without controlling the outcome.
This book also dives into the roots of conflict itself, showing that what looks like a surface-level disagreement is usually connected to deeper needs or pain. For instance, someone angry about dishes left in the sink might actually feel unappreciated or disrespected. By naming concrete behaviors, people can uncover what’s really at stake—whether it’s a sense of fairness, emotional safety, or the future of a relationship. Emotions play a central role in conflict, and the authors explain how anger, fear, and even silence often mask these deeper drivers. Mediation works because it allows those emotions to be voiced and understood, not dismissed.
To help make sense of conflict complexity, the book introduces the 'conflict triangle,' which maps out three key aspects: the people and their relationship, the process by which they’re communicating, and the specific problem they’re trying to solve. Addressing only one piece, like just solving the immediate issue, can miss the larger picture. That’s why mediators are trained to draw out interests—the real needs behind stated positions. When people talk about ‘why’ something matters to them, new possibilities open up. Suddenly, it’s not about who wins, but about how everyone can get their needs met.
However, not every conflict is right for mediation. The authors are clear about its limits. If there’s abuse, coercion, or a massive power imbalance, mediation could do more harm than good. It also won’t work if one party can’t understand the situation or is acting in bad faith. That said, when people are willing to talk, want resolution, and have a stake in the outcome, mediation can be transformative.
The book details how mediators begin with private conversations to build trust and explain the process. These initial chats help people voice fears and clarify expectations. Especially when mediation is court-ordered or prompted by an authority figure, the mediator must be upfront about participants’ rights, the process, and what happens if no agreement is reached. Ensuring a sense of safety and voluntary participation is essential to the integrity of the process.
Once everyone’s agreed to take part, the mediator sets the tone—before a word is spoken. From choosing a neutral, comfortable space to setting the room up calmly and clearly, everything contributes to reducing anxiety. When the session begins, mediators introduce the process, explain ground rules, and invite people to speak. Each party has uninterrupted time to tell their story. The mediator listens closely, not just to the words, but to the emotions and patterns beneath them. This creates a foundation of being heard, which opens the door to deeper conversation.
The next stage—the exchange—is often where breakthroughs happen. Participants start responding to each other’s stories. The mediator helps them explore what was misunderstood or left unsaid. This is where emotional energy is high, and the mediator must keep things from boiling over. Reframing language—turning accusations into expressions of need—and surfacing shared concerns helps reorient the discussion toward curiosity instead of defensiveness. Once there’s enough shared understanding, the group moves on to brainstorming solutions.
Problem-solving in mediation is both creative and grounded. The mediator helps build a clear topic list—a roadmap of what needs to be addressed. These topics are framed as questions, like 'How can we ensure everyone feels heard in meetings?' rather than blame-filled statements like 'Stop interrupting me.' Then the group explores ideas, without judgment. Later, they test the best ones against practical filters: does this meet everyone’s needs, and will it work in real life?
Here, the mediator’s job is to facilitate rather than suggest. They challenge ideas gently, checking feasibility, and help the group refine rough concepts into actionable steps. Final agreements are written in plain, specific terms. Everyone should know what will happen, when, and how. Informal agreements are valid too—as long as the participants trust them. What matters most is that the resolution fits the people involved, not some external standard.
The closing of a mediation is just as important as the opening. A well-handled wrap-up recognizes the work people have done—both emotional and practical. The mediator reviews the agreement, answers lingering questions, and confirms what comes next. Even participants who entered skeptical often leave feeling respected, validated, and clearer about how to move on.
Throughout the book, the authors emphasize that mediation isn’t just for professionals. Teachers, parents, friends, and community members can all use its core principles: listen well, stay neutral, and structure conversations to allow understanding. The skills of a mediator—such as active listening, open-ended questioning, summarizing, and reframing—are all learnable and useful in everyday life.
The final section of the book categorizes the mediator’s toolkit into three areas: supporting people, managing process, and guiding problem-solving. Supporting people means creating emotional safety through presence, neutrality, and attentive listening. Managing the process involves keeping the conversation focused and constructive. Guiding problem-solving means helping people generate and test ideas that could work for all involved. Each area includes tools like summarizing, brainstorming, and reframing, all aimed at keeping participants engaged and moving forward.
Ultimately, "The Mediator’s Handbook" shows that mediation is more than a conflict resolution method—it’s a way of seeing others with empathy and respect, even in disagreement. When people are given the space to speak honestly and be heard without judgment, they often discover shared ground they didn’t think existed. Whether or not a formal agreement is reached, mediation can provide emotional clarity, a fresh start, or even the repair of strained relationships. In a world full of polarized conversations and hasty conclusions, this book offers a reminder: listening—truly listening—is often the most powerful first step toward resolution.
March 20, 2024
"The Mediator's Handbook" by Jennifer Beer is a good book if you are looking into becoming a mediator. There are some aspects you can take from it and apply to normal life which I liked. Otherwise, this book is very educational and teaches meditation. It's not my forte even if I was going into the mediation field and didn't like it much. The main motif I found in this book is finding a middle ground. It is constantly brought up that with all mediation practices, the middle ground should be found for both sides. I would not read this book again unless something crazy compelled me to.
December 13, 2017
4.5 stars
Excellent text for teaching beginning mediators. Our program has replaced the classic Christopher Moore text with this one because it is much more practical, easier to read, and easier for students to apply.
Highly recommended
Excellent text for teaching beginning mediators. Our program has replaced the classic Christopher Moore text with this one because it is much more practical, easier to read, and easier for students to apply.
Highly recommended
March 1, 2019
This book is really helpful. It was read for school and will be bringing this with me for a graduate school residency. It is separated from the process of mediation and the toolbox that the mediator can use, making this a wonderful book. Recommended to hold on to.
June 24, 2020
This book is a great resource for anyone looking to become a mediator or wants to learn more about the benefits of mediation. Easy to read and explains concepts in bullet form instead of seeming like a textbook.
August 12, 2023
Some valuable lists and food for thought in this one. I like that it's pragmatically focused and direct; plus, way shorter to read than Moore's Mediation Process. If push came to shove, though, I'd still opt for the latter.
September 1, 2017
A very clear, easy to read guide to mediation across a range of contexts. I will return to this, I am sure.
August 29, 2019
Grateful!
Helpful, for getting me an "A+" in my Negotiations/Meditation Class! Easy Read online versus book form for me! Thank You
Helpful, for getting me an "A+" in my Negotiations/Meditation Class! Easy Read online versus book form for me! Thank You
November 21, 2019
A must read for mediators and peace-keepers.
September 26, 2022
No denying that this is a textbook/training manual - but is well written, gives great examples and helps the reader visualize themselves in the mediation and how to respond.
December 28, 2022
More like a manual than a handbook. Some useful tips, some unnecessary.
April 8, 2023
I read this book with a mediation course I took, which is the pairing I recommend. It effectively covers skills and issues in mediation.
October 13, 2015
I would recommend this for anyone who has a basic interest in mediation. Just as it says, a handbook for mediators offering straightforward advice and scenarios that are both practical and easy to follow.
The information has sufficient depth to keep long practicing mediators satisfied, plus an easy reference for those just beginning.
What's more the Handbook has great illustrations that help the text to be far from daunting. I think it should be on every editor's shelf an easy book to dip in and out of with something of interest on every page.
The information has sufficient depth to keep long practicing mediators satisfied, plus an easy reference for those just beginning.
What's more the Handbook has great illustrations that help the text to be far from daunting. I think it should be on every editor's shelf an easy book to dip in and out of with something of interest on every page.
December 21, 2015
As a political science major who identifies with many realist perspectives, I absolutely loved this book! I highly recommend it to the disillusioned, the optimistic, and the altruistic ;)
August 9, 2014
A must-have for mediators. I have read my copy over and over.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews