Twice Blessed: Everything You Need To Know About Having A Second Child— Preparing Yourself, Your Marriage, And Your Firstborn For A New Family Of Four

by Joan Leonard

Joan Leonard's Twice Blessed offers everything you need to know about having a second child--preparing yourself, your marriage, and your firstborn for a new family of four.Just when you thought you were finally adjusting to being a parent--your stretch marks have faded and you've packed away your nursing bras and maternity clothes--you decide to have a second child. And although by now you may feel like a parenting expert, the second time around brings its own set of questions, quandaries, and chaos, from tighter finances to new routines.Drawing on the expertise of pediatricians, gynecologists, and family therapists, as well as the anecdotes of mothers everywhere (tips from the trenches), this book includes both the psychological and physiological aspects of a second birth. It covers how to prepare yourself for a different pregnancy and birth, your marriage for another dramatic change, and your child for a new brother or sister. With warmth, inspiration, and humor, it looks carefully at the brand new family of four and what to expect as it evolves during the first weeks, first months, and first year.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

209 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 10, 2000

Reviews

[Rebecca Terry Nelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’d give 1 or 2 stars to the first half of this book and 4 stars to the second half. The first half was focused on preparing yourself and your marriage for a second child and to me it seemed rude and pessimistic. The author spent too much time joking about stretch marks, lazy husbands, and sad sex lives when those pages could have been used to give good advice and hope to nervous expectant parents. I’ve lived through pregnancy and postpartum and through the challenges found it to be the most enriching experience of my life and my marriage. Surely respect for that God-given gift could inspire more positivity.

The second half, which was mostly about helping your older child transition to life with a baby, was funny, insightful, and helpful. It left me with a reality check and made me excited to help my children experience the irreplaceable magic of childhood.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really straight-forward, comical advice and recounting of the author's experience. The author, like myself, is a first-born, therefore expresses my sense of life ruination when my little sister arrived on the scene.

A really good book I wish I'd read earlier in my second pregnancy, but am really glad I read before second baby arrives.

Other bonus features: Includes sections of how Dad will feel the second time around, which is a good reminder for me that, oh yeah, he has feelings, too:)

Also, a template for a birth plan and things to speak with your OB about **especially** for the second time around.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

A friend who just had her second child loaned me this book and said that she wished she'd read it before the second was born. There were some reassuring aspects of the book (along the lines of "you're not alone"), but I actually found the book rather stressful. It seemed like there were a lot of messages about how much more difficult it is to have two children and how your marriage is going to take a huge hit -- just not what I needed to hear right now.

[jacky · Rating 4 out of 5]

By far the best book on this topic I've read so far. I really liked how it was not just about preparing your first born. In all honesty, that wasn't what I was looking for. My mentality when starting these books was how to get Natalie ready. But, as I read this book, I really appreciated how it spend equal time on preparing all the aspects of your life, spending pretty much just as much time on yourself and your marriage as it does your first born.

I know that I said more review to come, but I've now read most of another one of these (my last, thank god), and a few weeks have passed. The specifics of what I learned from this particular book of the five I read has faded. In fact, since I read five books on this topic, and the newer authors had read the older books, there was a lot of repeated information.

So, long story short, unless you are crazy like me, don't read all of these books. Read just this one. It is realistic in scope and what to expect. Its tone is also pleasant; not doom and gloom and not birds following Snow White.

[Erika Dillon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Introduction to life with two or more children

The author gives genuine advice and stories of experience of life with two or more children. Its not filled with sarcastic commentary or jokes but does have some humorous moments within its stories. Being a parent of a three year old about to have another, it was my nightly read during the pregnancy insomnia filled nights where I would worry how my toddler would fair being an older brother (not to mention how would he sleep through the night with a new crying baby all night long). Definitely recommended to anyone looking for a serious advice and relatable book while growing a larger family.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good! A hopeful view of parenting more than one child, its many challenges and rewards, and some different ideas and strategies to implement.

[Molly · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book seems to have a very specific audience: middle class, straight, married, comfortable home, mother has the option of staying home, childcare is fairly easy, etcetera. There are a few paragraphs about divorce and adoption, but this book is really meant for the pregnant woman in a nuclear family. And while I happen to be just that, I kept thinking, "What if--?" The book takes a fairly conservative look at parenting: one mother she quotes has a daughter who suggests spanking a fussy child and it is laughed off, saying the baby is too small to be spanked; another brief moment mentions co-sleeping and fully writes against it in order to preserve our "own space" (she suggests the children have their own rooms from the start) and the marriage.

This is all fine, if you are that type of reader. But I needed something that I could sink my teeth into and help me feel braced for when our family goes from three to four. This book is not "Everything You Need to Know," in any manner. Nearly all of the book is either review from the pregnancy books many poured over during the first pregnancy and then some anecdotes about how hard shopping can be. (I did love her note that people who get annoyed at noise in stores can shove it, essentially: "If society wishes to continue reproducing the human species, it will just have to put up with a little noise" (174).

She also brushes against sibling conflict, which is, admittedly, not really in the timeline of the book, which focuses on that new time, pregnancy and labor and the first month or so, and that's what I read it for, so I wasn't disappointed about the brushing, only curious for more. Her suggestions were to essentially let the kids work it out, letting them know you aren't going to step in (unless it gets dangerous) and perhaps keeping an agenda out for Sunday night family meetings, where you could discuss conflict, chores, upcoming family trips, maybe play a board game together, etc. She also emphasizes creating children-led family traditions, which I love.

One small moment that I hope to remember for when this issue comes up had a parent visually explaining to his jealous child how his or her love works: the parent took out four candles, lit one, and said this represented that parent's love for herself. Then she lit the second candle and said that was her love for her husband--notice how it didn't change her love for herself. Then lit the third candle, and that as the love for the firstborn (and likely the jealous one), then lit the last, and said it was the love for the new baby. All those loves burn strong without diminishing the others. Another parent asked her older child if she loved Mommy or Daddy more, which strikes me as a fairly dangerous question, but her child in particular was able to say, "Oh, I get it," about that "separate but equal" type love her mother had for her two kiddos.

[Cat · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives you both sides of the story: the joy of having another child, and also the insane business you will experience. It made me a little intimidated to have another child, honestly, but maybe that's good. I'll get my resources ready and know what to expect for the first few months. I've been very worried about Shea reacting badly to having a sibling, and knowing that guilt is the number one problem postpartum for women with 2nd babies was very helpful. I think that guilt could definitely lead me down the path to postpartum depression, and she gives you tips and tricks to avoid the guilt, and to make sure that the first child doesn't feel neglected. (reading books to him or her while you nurse the baby, making sure to set aside special time with him/her, giving your first privileges like staying up half an hour later)

[Rachel Rowell · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't love this book, but considering there aren't too many other books out there on the subject I would probably read it again if I was in the same situation. The basics were covered pretty well and while most of what the author said was somewhat obvious, it was still nice to quickly skim over the information. The author's personal experience (and parenting style) showed through a little too much in some of the comments/suggestions she made which I wasn't a huge fan of.

[Nathalie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Since I found out I was pregnant, I've been looking for something to help me cope with the idea of having two children instead of one. So far, this book is somewhat helpful, but she seems to be writing for ignoramuses - does she really need to explain what La Leche League is? To second-time mothers?

Thank the LAWD it's over! At the risk of sounding Perez Hilton-esque, this woman was obviously more concerned with telling her OWN story rather than giving helpful advice or insight. Oh well...

[Celeste · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helped me with ideas of not pressuring your first child into feeling, doing or thinking a certain way about the baby. Also had good ideas on how to help both of them get-along. Easy to skim and get to parts I wanted.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Comforting at times to read about other people going through the same situations. But, I felt it too anecdotal/personal at times, and also too focused on the negativity and struggle. Title was misleading.

[Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good practicle advice - much of it common sense. It was a fun read thought. I enjoyed the "stories from the trenhes."

[Evie Rabeck · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, half of this was useful and the other half just stressed me out more. So I guess the book just cancels itself out and it's as if I never read it!

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is a great book- a lot better than "beyond one". i found it helpful and interesting.

[Kari G. · Rating 3 out of 5]

so far I'm a few pages in...trying to sneak some reading time into my busy Mommy life, while waiting at school pick up ...I hope to get to actually read the important parts of this book soon!!!

[Jenn · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I found a few tips helpful, I think most of this book was common sense.

[Elke · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were a few nuggets in here that were helpful but most of it was common sense and not very concrete.

[Charlotte · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a pretty basic need to know book, nothing too insightful.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

not bad, some good things to remember the 2nd time around since it's been awhile. Might be more helpful books, but I liked it.