What do you think?
Rate this book
Thriving in a Relationship When You Have Chronic Illness: Navigate Challenges and Keep Your Relationship Strong Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
A grief-informed guide to help you and your romantic partner stay connected—despite the challenges of chronic illness. You’re living your happily-ever-after with your partner and suddenly—you get sick. What now? Chronic illness can have a devastating impact on your life—especially when it comes to your romantic relationship. You may be so focused on your health, that you often have to put your relationship second. You might feel guilty that you can’t do the things you used to do together. And you may even worry that you are a burden to your partner. So, how can you come to terms with your own chronic illness, and nurture your relationship at the same time? Grounded in evidence-based acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), this grief-informed guide offers powerful skills to help you and your partner adjust to a chronic illness diagnosis, communicate effectively, and protect your bond at each stage of the journey for a lasting and healthy relationship. You’ll learn positive coping strategies to help you manage difficult emotions such as anger, sadness, and grief; promote intimacy and understanding between you and your partner; and identify what it is that truly matters to each of you—so you can move forward in your lives with your values closely aligned. Chronic illness is now a part of your life—but it doesn’t have to define your life, or your relationship. Once you’ve healed from the initial shock and trauma of a diagnosis, you will need to build lasting coping skills to navigate life with your partner. This evidence-based guide can help you, each step of the way.
Audible Audio
Published November 1, 2025
1 person is currently reading
532 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
December 12, 2025
I read this book for both professional and personal reasons, and it was decent, with many tools and validations. Overall, this would be an incredibly beneficial book for any couple navigating chronic illness, especially if they have a new diagnosis or a sudden health change. For those relationships that have long had a chronically ill partner, it may also be beneficial to have these helpful reminders. Even as someone who has been navigating these things personally for years now, it was reassuring to read and know that my partner and I have worked well together (and to see the areas we have room to grow).
November 18, 2025
Thriving in a Relationship When You Have Chronic Illness is truly the book I wish I had when I was first diagnosed. Managing a chronic illness is not just a physical journey, it’s an emotional and relational one. Lisa Gray captures that reality with depth, clarity, and genuine compassion.
From the perspective of someone living with illness, I found the structure of the book incredibly grounding. It helps readers identify the stage of healing they’re in and offers language for emotions that often feel confusing or overwhelming. The ability to name and communicate what’s happening internally is empowering, and this book provides that framework beautifully.
As a therapist, I’ve witnessed firsthand how dysregulating chronic illness can be—for the individual and for the relationship as a whole. Many clients struggle to express their feelings about being “the sick partner,” often wrestling with guilt, fear, or a sense of burden. At the same time, the healthy partner frequently suppresses their own emotions, thinking, “I shouldn’t complain—I’m better off than my partner.” This dynamic can create emotional distance, resentment, and loneliness on both sides, even when both people care deeply for each other.
This is why I especially appreciate how the book addresses both partners’ experiences. Lisa Gray validates the emotional complexity on each side, offering practical tools that encourage openness, empathy, and healthier communication. The inclusion of the healthy partner’s perspective is not only refreshing but essential for couples who want to navigate chronic illness as a united team.
Whether you’re personally managing a chronic condition or supporting someone who is, and whether you’re seeking help as a reader or as a clinician, this book is a compassionate, insightful resource. It’s one I’ll be recommending often, both to clients and to loved ones.
From the perspective of someone living with illness, I found the structure of the book incredibly grounding. It helps readers identify the stage of healing they’re in and offers language for emotions that often feel confusing or overwhelming. The ability to name and communicate what’s happening internally is empowering, and this book provides that framework beautifully.
As a therapist, I’ve witnessed firsthand how dysregulating chronic illness can be—for the individual and for the relationship as a whole. Many clients struggle to express their feelings about being “the sick partner,” often wrestling with guilt, fear, or a sense of burden. At the same time, the healthy partner frequently suppresses their own emotions, thinking, “I shouldn’t complain—I’m better off than my partner.” This dynamic can create emotional distance, resentment, and loneliness on both sides, even when both people care deeply for each other.
This is why I especially appreciate how the book addresses both partners’ experiences. Lisa Gray validates the emotional complexity on each side, offering practical tools that encourage openness, empathy, and healthier communication. The inclusion of the healthy partner’s perspective is not only refreshing but essential for couples who want to navigate chronic illness as a united team.
Whether you’re personally managing a chronic condition or supporting someone who is, and whether you’re seeking help as a reader or as a clinician, this book is a compassionate, insightful resource. It’s one I’ll be recommending often, both to clients and to loved ones.
September 3, 2025
This book feels honest, compassionate, and deeply important. Living with chronic illness and/or being a partner who is supporting someone with a chronic illness can surely be overwhelming. It is crucial for people to have a comprehensive understanding of their experiences as well as their partner’s. There are even guidelines and recommendations as to how to make sense of what they are feeling. But Lisa doesn’t stop there! She also weaves in tenants from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to help people navigate the grief process associated with chronic illness. Even the layout of the book - the exercises and summaries at the end of each chapter - is well-thought-out and respectful of the potential needs of the reader(s). This is the second book I’ve read of Lisa’s and each one has greatly impressed me.
October 30, 2025
my best friend is chronically ill so reading this book was imporsnt to me, it showed not only the differences in chronic illnesses but also the actions people take. Half of the well partners in the examples were just straight up arseholes in my opinion.
It gave me so much insight into being sick and the thoughts that might be running through your mind, the exercises and ACT services were really helpful.
The way the book was organised was really nice and easy to follow, it allows you to jump between stages and conversations if you feel you don't need them in that moment, You can tell that research and care went into making this book as accessible as possible
It gave me so much insight into being sick and the thoughts that might be running through your mind, the exercises and ACT services were really helpful.
The way the book was organised was really nice and easy to follow, it allows you to jump between stages and conversations if you feel you don't need them in that moment, You can tell that research and care went into making this book as accessible as possible
October 25, 2025
What a find to have a quality book aimed at those navigating a relationship with a chronically ill partner! This book speaks to both partners, the one who is well and the one who is ill, with understanding and compassion for each.
The book is organized around the stages of grief, which feels appropriate as there is a journey of grieving the losses of the life one expected. It is further organized by elements of Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT). Basically this sets the goal of acceptance of circumstances and feelings while determining behavior that aligns with your values. Within sections she covers topics like communication, intimacy or shared activities and breaks down each topic according to the well and the ill partner.
I like how the author encourages readers to use the book as works best for themselves. So, if following grief stages and ACT principles works for you, fine. If not or if illness limits you, you can browse around and latch onto parts that speak to you. The book is full of exercises and tools (breathing, identifying feelings, communication, etc). Bullet points and end of chapter summaries help find what is most helpful to you. She encourages partners to use the book together but recognizes the reality that some readers will need to use it alone.
With her own personal and professional experience of chronic illness Lisa Gray shares an understanding of what chronically ill people go through that is comforting. She offers warm intelligent guidance to both partners and a book that will most likely leave you both, and your relationship, better off than you were before you read it.
The book is organized around the stages of grief, which feels appropriate as there is a journey of grieving the losses of the life one expected. It is further organized by elements of Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT). Basically this sets the goal of acceptance of circumstances and feelings while determining behavior that aligns with your values. Within sections she covers topics like communication, intimacy or shared activities and breaks down each topic according to the well and the ill partner.
I like how the author encourages readers to use the book as works best for themselves. So, if following grief stages and ACT principles works for you, fine. If not or if illness limits you, you can browse around and latch onto parts that speak to you. The book is full of exercises and tools (breathing, identifying feelings, communication, etc). Bullet points and end of chapter summaries help find what is most helpful to you. She encourages partners to use the book together but recognizes the reality that some readers will need to use it alone.
With her own personal and professional experience of chronic illness Lisa Gray shares an understanding of what chronically ill people go through that is comforting. She offers warm intelligent guidance to both partners and a book that will most likely leave you both, and your relationship, better off than you were before you read it.
November 1, 2025
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and as someone personally managing two chronic illnesses, I found this book to be an incredibly thoughtful and useful resource for both professionals and couples navigating the unique challenges of chronic illness in relationships. The author offers insightful reflections and balances perspectives from both the partner living with the illness and the well partner, making it an excellent jumping-off point for couples therapy and for individual therapy for either partner as well.
I especially appreciate the emphasis on separating the person from the illness, a crucial distinction that can help reduce shame and preserve identity, something that deeply resonates with me as both a clinician and someone with a diagnosis. The framing of relational dynamics in stages, similar to the stages of grief, provides a familiar and accessible way for couples to understand where they are and how they can grow together through their shifting relationship. The book also thoughtfully explores how outside relationships and systems influence the intimate partnership, an often-overlooked but essential aspect of healing and resilience.
Overall, this is a compassionate, well-structured, and insightful read that I’ll be recommending to both clients and colleagues alike.
I especially appreciate the emphasis on separating the person from the illness, a crucial distinction that can help reduce shame and preserve identity, something that deeply resonates with me as both a clinician and someone with a diagnosis. The framing of relational dynamics in stages, similar to the stages of grief, provides a familiar and accessible way for couples to understand where they are and how they can grow together through their shifting relationship. The book also thoughtfully explores how outside relationships and systems influence the intimate partnership, an often-overlooked but essential aspect of healing and resilience.
Overall, this is a compassionate, well-structured, and insightful read that I’ll be recommending to both clients and colleagues alike.
November 3, 2025
If you have a chronic illness, love someone with a chronic illness, and/or are a therapist or mental health professional working with those who do, I cannot recommend this book enough!
As someone with many chronic conditions and as a host of several chronic illness support groups, I cannot emphasize enough how needed this book is. A lot of the conversations that take place in these groups revolve around how to navigate relationships when one partner is living with chronic illness and all the complex dynamics that come with that. There are very few resources that truly address this experience, but this book finally fills that gap.
Lisa Gray does a beautiful job of writing with compassion, practicality, and a deep understanding of both the spoken and unspoken issues that can arise, and how to best navigate them. She captures the realities of both partners while offering clear, actionable tools for communication, meaningful conversation, and resolution.
What makes this book really stand out to me is how deeply validating it feels for both partners. It’s not clinical or one-sided, but written with warmth and genuine empathy. Lisa alternates between paragraphs for the chronically ill partner and the well partner, offering insight into both perspectives and helping each understand what the other might be experiencing. It’s also designed with accessibility and ease in mind, as she includes chapter summary points at the end of each chapter. This makes it perfect for someone chronically ill who only has the energy to read short sections, or for a partner who doesn’t have the time or capacity to read the entire book but still wants to engage in the conversation. You can tell this author has truly thought it through, and it shows.
Whether you’re chronically ill yourself, supporting a loved one who is, or working with couples professionally, Thriving in a Relationship When You Have a Chronic Illness is one of those books you’ll want to underline, revisit, and share. I cannot recommend it enough!
As someone with many chronic conditions and as a host of several chronic illness support groups, I cannot emphasize enough how needed this book is. A lot of the conversations that take place in these groups revolve around how to navigate relationships when one partner is living with chronic illness and all the complex dynamics that come with that. There are very few resources that truly address this experience, but this book finally fills that gap.
Lisa Gray does a beautiful job of writing with compassion, practicality, and a deep understanding of both the spoken and unspoken issues that can arise, and how to best navigate them. She captures the realities of both partners while offering clear, actionable tools for communication, meaningful conversation, and resolution.
What makes this book really stand out to me is how deeply validating it feels for both partners. It’s not clinical or one-sided, but written with warmth and genuine empathy. Lisa alternates between paragraphs for the chronically ill partner and the well partner, offering insight into both perspectives and helping each understand what the other might be experiencing. It’s also designed with accessibility and ease in mind, as she includes chapter summary points at the end of each chapter. This makes it perfect for someone chronically ill who only has the energy to read short sections, or for a partner who doesn’t have the time or capacity to read the entire book but still wants to engage in the conversation. You can tell this author has truly thought it through, and it shows.
Whether you’re chronically ill yourself, supporting a loved one who is, or working with couples professionally, Thriving in a Relationship When You Have a Chronic Illness is one of those books you’ll want to underline, revisit, and share. I cannot recommend it enough!
December 11, 2025
This is a complete, easy to follow and understand guide for navigating one of the most difficult situations you can face in life. It's a comprehensive handbook as it covers: definitions, examples, exercises, auto evaluations, possible scenarios and suggestions to follow. Gray discusses many situations that chronic illness patients face when not accurately or wrong diagnosed, when doctors dismiss them like they are imagining symptoms, or when relatives friends or acquaintances don't believe them, because most chronic illness are invisible to the naked eye. She also provides free additional tools for this book via the publisher's website.
September 10, 2025
I chose this as I have a chronic illness diagnosed a few months ago. The whole book is based on the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross stages of grief model. I am very familiar with this as I was a management trainer and coach for 25 years. I didn’t learn anything new but got a few reminders of possible actions. I would recommend this book if you don’t have access to therapy and can cope with some self analysis. Thinking about your partner’s response to your illness is also useful. Well structured, easy to read.
September 3, 2025
I wrote this book! As a couples therapist & also a person with a chronic illness, I sincerely hope that this book helps your relationship stay strong while you are coping with your health challenges.
September 21, 2025
On the one hand, this book feels like a niche read. On the other, it seems that the percentage of the population living with chronic illness grows higher every day.
Particularly with debilitating lifelong, chronic illness, it can be easy to fall into unhealthy thought patterns. Someone might blame themselves for their illness. They presume they simply don't deserve a loving and supportive relationship.
They might notice the ways others their age perform - academically, professionally, socially, and romantically, and then judge themselves by metrics that feel unachievable. Yet, if “everyone” else can reach those metrics, why can't they?
By those definitions, one with chronic illness can easily feel “less than” and undeserving. This book reminds the reader how to define the challenges those with chronic illness face. That includes recognizing their needs and communicating those needs with loved ones and their partner.
This book offers specific and concrete strategies to practice with and without one's partner to better ask and receive the help needed.
It serves as a solid reference tool to help you learn and practice these strategies.
I highly recommend this book.
Thank you to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for the advance copy. All opinions are my own.
Particularly with debilitating lifelong, chronic illness, it can be easy to fall into unhealthy thought patterns. Someone might blame themselves for their illness. They presume they simply don't deserve a loving and supportive relationship.
They might notice the ways others their age perform - academically, professionally, socially, and romantically, and then judge themselves by metrics that feel unachievable. Yet, if “everyone” else can reach those metrics, why can't they?
By those definitions, one with chronic illness can easily feel “less than” and undeserving. This book reminds the reader how to define the challenges those with chronic illness face. That includes recognizing their needs and communicating those needs with loved ones and their partner.
This book offers specific and concrete strategies to practice with and without one's partner to better ask and receive the help needed.
It serves as a solid reference tool to help you learn and practice these strategies.
I highly recommend this book.
Thank you to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications for the advance copy. All opinions are my own.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews