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You Never Stop Being a Parent: Thriving in Relationship with Your Adult Children
You may have always expected your job as a parent to be done once your children reached adulthood . . . but you’re quickly finding out that you never stop being a parent!Jim Newheiser and Elyse Fitzpatrick ground you in the guidance of God’s Word, reminding you that your relationship with your adult children can only be as deep and meaningful as your relationship with him.
214 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2010
About the author
Jim Newheiser
31 books13 followersJim Newheiser, DMin, Westminster Theological Seminary, California, has served in pastoral ministry and has practiced biblical counseling for over thirty years. He is the Director of the Christian Counseling Program at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte and the Executive Director of IBCD. He is an ACBC Fellow and board member.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
August 20, 2024
The book is excellent in delivering on its purpose. This is the book I will recommend for Christ-centered relationships between parents and their adult children. Highly recommended.
August 21, 2024
Excellent book. Not another on this topic.
June 24, 2012
We leaped into the world of adult children last year and really appreciated the wisdom and help of Newheiser and Fitzpatrick. Thank you!
August 22, 2026
Newheist and Fitzpatrick address many of the common concerns associated with parenting adult children. In writing a sort of parenting how-to, it’s hard not to miss those unique circumstances that just don’t fit into the patterns or molds you address, but Newheist and Fitzpatrick do make every effort to “think of everything.”
Frequently, as I read, my reactions were ambivalent-at some points it would seem I was vindicated, evoking relief; at other times, my failures as a parent would weigh heavy on me. My husband reminded me that not every situation can be defined by the examples given in this book. This reminder was actually what was transformative in reading this book.
Finally, at the tail end, a mom is quoted who struggled with the outcome of her parenting. It was her words that were actually the most beneficial to me as I parent adult children!
Frequently, as I read, my reactions were ambivalent-at some points it would seem I was vindicated, evoking relief; at other times, my failures as a parent would weigh heavy on me. My husband reminded me that not every situation can be defined by the examples given in this book. This reminder was actually what was transformative in reading this book.
Finally, at the tail end, a mom is quoted who struggled with the outcome of her parenting. It was her words that were actually the most beneficial to me as I parent adult children!
July 1, 2026
Quick to read and has a huge variety of good and bad scenarios in each chapter, as well as core reminders of the gospel and the Holy Spirit’s work. I appreciated that the first appendix was a summary of peacemaker by Ken sande, and another had a sample contract (as referenced in the book).
P. 21: Our relationship with our adult children changes as they age. Whether we like it or not, rather than fighting to maintain control, we should strive to change our relationship from in-control parents to respected friends. If we want our children to mature into responsible adults, we’ve simply got to let them make their own choices and then learn from those decisions. We cannot (and should not) force them to follow our will – even when we know we are in the right.
P. 22: We gain passport with our adult child by treating him or her with love and respect. If we can patiently learn to listen rather than always demanding to be heard, as James 1:19 teaches, our child will know that we respect his opinion and his right to differ with our views…
We lose passport when we nag, manipulate, and demand control. When experienced parents were asked to share the main lessons they had learned and dealing with their adult kids, the most common answer was learning when not to speak.
P. 23: We understand how difficult it is to learn to listen, especially when what’s being said, seems so immature and foolish. We can fight our impatience by remembering how willingly Jesus listens to us, and how foolish, weak, and simple we would seem to him if it were not for his love.
P. 27: Every generation in our home is proud, selfish, and demanding…Yes, we are all sinners. This is the reason that we need much grace, and the good news is that we’ve been given grace upon grace in the person and work of Jesus Christ. As those who have been the recipients of such astounding grace, from an infinitely holy and eternally wise God through our Lord Jesus Christ, we are compelled to show grace to one another and to fight against the selfishness, fear, and demandingness that threaten to engulf our souls.
P. 31: prayer: We’re hoping that our children will come “to know and to believe the love that God has for us” (1 John 4:16) and will respond to this astonishing love with a life that is marked by a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.
P. 33: What we can do is continually portray the beauties of the Lord, who is our wisdom and righteousness (1 Cor. 1:30). We can make clear the choice between wisdom and foolishness, joy and despair, and blessing and heartache. We can also pray. We can pray that the Holy Spirit will use our meager, faltering attempts as means to speak to their hearts.
P. 35: …if their hearts are unfazed by the gracious life and words of Jesus Christ, their life and words will not be grace-filled. The Bible teaches that our words reveal deeper truths about us. They are either the fruit of hearts that have been transformed and humbled by grace, or they are the rotten product of hearts striving for control, dominance, and self-centered pleasure…. Before our young adults’ speech will be genuinely gracious, their hearts have to be gracious – and this gracious transformation, only happens through the power of the Holy Spirit in response to the gracious preaching of the gospel.
—words/proverbs pg 36
P. 40: You cannot serve God and money (Matt 6:24) … we need to live lives that seek the greater riches of an eternity with God. This inheritance transcends the value of the dollar, financial freedom, and vocational success. We need to remind them of the grace of the savior who, “ though he was rich, yet for [our] sake, he became poor, so that [we] by his poverty, might become rich” (2 Cor 8:9). The motivating factor behind godly hard work must be the generosity of Jesus Christ, who knew what it was to eschew the riches of heaven, become poor, and then transfer all his riches to others. Although we should instill within our young adults an appreciation of the much-valued and wise Protestant work ethic, if we fail to teach them about true riches, we will have overlooked the most important truths about vocation and money. After all, “what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36).
P. 50: …when we consistently provide for them, financially, we are removing the impetus that would naturally impel them to establish a career of their own. Proverbs 16:26 states, “A worker’s appetite works for him, for his hunger urges him on” (NASB). Need compels work. When we supply the car, a cell phone, a room, and food, there is little incentive for some young people to acquire a skill and work hard. They are able to enjoy the fruits of prosperity without having to sacrifice.
P. 52: ….a profound joy that originates in the understanding that our work is for the Lord… We work out of a deep gratitude, whether our job is boring, strenuous, or dull. Even seemingly meaningless jobs have meaning because we are working for our Savior…..We need to teach them the honor of honest work and the joy that comes from knowing that our lives count for the Lord. (Col. 3:23-24)
P. 54: The Bible teaches that we are responsible to work hard to provide for ourselves rather than looking to others to take care of us (2 Thess. 3:10-13).
P. 64: A young adult who is foolish (lazy, disrespectful, immoral, etc.) will not be persuaded by parental nagging and whining. It is only decisive action which will get his attention. We can’t spank a twenty-year-old, but we can stop paying for her things and take away our r car, cell phone, or credit card. We can establish requirements as a condition for remaining in our home and we can evict her if she refuses to follow reasonable rules.
P. 65: If we continually step in to “protect“ our children from the consequences of their wrong choices, we may be guilty of honoring our children above the Lord by standing between them and the chastisement the Lord is bringing upon them.
P. 71: The dynamic of living with an adult child is inevitably a difficult one, no matter how much you love each other or how glad you are to be together. Because we are sinners, we easily see the speck in our kids eyes while being completely unaware of the log that is in our own (Matt. 7:3-5). For this reason, clear agreed-upon rules for life together are so necessary.
…if they are still dependent upon us, whether they live at home or not, we have both the right and the responsibility to expect certain things from them as a condition for our ongoing support.
P. 72: disagreements over the proper use of time will erupt if we haven’t set out clear, reasonable guidelines beforehand.
P. 73: We recommend not allowing your child to live at home if she will not work as hard as her parents do. The nature of her work may be flexible – it may include a combination of paid employment, education/training, volunteer work, and helping around the house. —keep record
P. 78: We believe that parents can virtually eliminate nagging by following through on specific consequences for failure to comply.
P. 79-80: Anything that you are providing can be removed or repossessed, including access to the family vehicle, cell phones, the Internet, and television. The question wasn’t whether this couple had sufficient leverage, but whether they would have the courage to deal with their daughter…. we have found that young adults strongly prefer consequences to nagging and scolding. We also believe that such consequences reflect how the real world works.
P. 81: you should make it clear that every adult has choices to make. As the parent you have the right to set standards for your own home. Your child has a choice of whether or not to stay. She can agree to follow your rules and continue to enjoy the benefits of being under your roof, or she can say that she is unwilling to submit, thus making her decision to leave. If she wants total freedom, she also needs to learn to take care of herself.
—> make list of expectations- see appendix D
Ch 6- great chapter to reread!
P. 85: Humility is the fruit of the Holy Spirit’s work in our hearts as he convicts us of sin and overwhelms us with reminders of our unmerited blessings.
Humbly Convey Clear Expectations
P. 86: Unclear expectations are almost always unmet expectations because it’s impossible to comply when compliance hasn’t been defined.
…Respect for others and willingness to let them make their own choices is the fruit of humility.
…For the most part, it’s now time to watch God’s grace at work.
Making it really clear
P. 87: Parents should include their adult kids in the negotiation process of defining expectations, rather than laying down the law without opportunity for input or discussion. They should also be willing to include in the contract what their children can expect from them. A starting point that demonstrates humility and respect is to have the young adult write down what he believes his parents should expect of him. In response to his list, his parents could then sit down with him and work through any changes they think need to be made.
P. 88: Before we tell our adult child, something, we should ask ourselves, “Does she already know what I think?” if the answer is probably yes, then humble respect for her, and for her ability to remember and think through the situation would dictate that we refrain from saying it again….[Nagging] is the fruit of pride and impatience.
Humility speaks little and listens much
P. 89: Listening is an easy way to demonstrate that we are sincerely interested in them as human beings. Careful listening, demonstrates humble respect for their opinions and perspectives…listening involves not only effort and skill, but also love and humility.
P. 90: Parents need to let their adult kids disagree with them and not take it as a shot to their pride.
Humility makes the effort to communicate
P. 92: Part of our letting them go is to inwardly acknowledge that they are accountable to God (not us) for their actions, while we resist the temptation to pressure them to change.
Humility respects their individuality
P. 93: It is because our children image God in their distinct individuality that we should not attempt to impose our dreams or desires on them. …He has decided what callings and gifts to place in their lives. It is not our choice because it is not our life. They need to choose the direction they want to go and the route by which they will get there.
Humility admits sin and wrong
P. 95: I sought to take a genuine interest in understanding exactly how he felt and what he believed.
…God’s grace helps us assume the best about our kids…because he has been so gracious with us we can be gracious with them, assume the best, and avoid the temptation to presuppose bad motives, especially in the midst of conflict… we should seek the most charitable possible interpretation to the actions and words of others.
Humility overlooks and forgives
P. 97: it is both loving and biblical to encourage fellow centers where you can…I need to be constantly on the lookout for commendable actions and character traits in my kids. …There is much in our children for which we can give thanks to God, while also letting our kids know how thankful we are for them….we need to look for evidences (even faint glimmers) of God’s grace in their lives and be quick to point them out to ourselves and to them.
Enjoy each other
Surprise them with kindness
P. 99: …put all your trust in [the Holy Spirit]. Pray that he would transform you and your children.
P. 107: the truth is that we often bail out our kids for our own benefit, to spare us from feeling guilty or seeing our kids suffer. In cases like these, we are not doing what is best for our children, we are doing what makes us feel good about ourselves. When we serve ourselves we are not serving the Lord or our kids. Bailing our kids out of trouble. All the time isn’t an act of love for them – it’s self-love.
…The Lord God, who is the fount of all wisdom and understanding, has promised to share his wisdom with us if we ask. So ask. Ask that he would open your eyes and grant you the benefit of understanding how to respond in a way that’s wise, that will please him, and that will demonstrate real love for him and for your kids.
P. 110: Rather than merely bailing your child out of his immediate problem, seek to deal with the root causes (Prov. 4:23; Mark 7:21-23), such as a poor work ethic, a lack of self-control, or an unwillingness to defer gratification.
P. 118: The love of money is deadly to our spiritual lives because money brings with it the deception of self-sufficiency and independence. It makes us feel strong, able to acquire the desires of our hearts; it fools us into thinking we’re invincible, able to protect ourselves from difficulties or discomfort. It teaches us to disdain trust in God.
…choose daily to love God more than money…
P. 127: …no financial help be offered without both parents being in agreement.
P. 130: quote from Patrick Henry’s will: “I have now disposed of all my property to my family: there is one thing more I wish I could give them, and that is, the Christian religion. If they had that, and I had not given them one shilling, they would be rich; and if they had not that, and I had given them all the world, they would be poor.
P. 145: Lastly, even if we think we’ve accurately identified the shortcomings that are inhibiting our child’s success with the opposite sex, he would probably prefer that you not point them out.
P. 152: When we put our marriages first, our kids will benefit from our example by learning the importance of putting their own spouses first. Since scripture so clearly states that married children are to form their own family unit, by implication we’re commanded to allow them to do so.
P. 157: We need to follow their parents’ rules and address questions of discipline in the manner they tell us. In doing this, we’ll be teaching our grandchildren that they should respect and submit to their parents’ authority too.
P. 21: Our relationship with our adult children changes as they age. Whether we like it or not, rather than fighting to maintain control, we should strive to change our relationship from in-control parents to respected friends. If we want our children to mature into responsible adults, we’ve simply got to let them make their own choices and then learn from those decisions. We cannot (and should not) force them to follow our will – even when we know we are in the right.
P. 22: We gain passport with our adult child by treating him or her with love and respect. If we can patiently learn to listen rather than always demanding to be heard, as James 1:19 teaches, our child will know that we respect his opinion and his right to differ with our views…
We lose passport when we nag, manipulate, and demand control. When experienced parents were asked to share the main lessons they had learned and dealing with their adult kids, the most common answer was learning when not to speak.
P. 23: We understand how difficult it is to learn to listen, especially when what’s being said, seems so immature and foolish. We can fight our impatience by remembering how willingly Jesus listens to us, and how foolish, weak, and simple we would seem to him if it were not for his love.
P. 27: Every generation in our home is proud, selfish, and demanding…Yes, we are all sinners. This is the reason that we need much grace, and the good news is that we’ve been given grace upon grace in the person and work of Jesus Christ. As those who have been the recipients of such astounding grace, from an infinitely holy and eternally wise God through our Lord Jesus Christ, we are compelled to show grace to one another and to fight against the selfishness, fear, and demandingness that threaten to engulf our souls.
P. 31: prayer: We’re hoping that our children will come “to know and to believe the love that God has for us” (1 John 4:16) and will respond to this astonishing love with a life that is marked by a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.
P. 33: What we can do is continually portray the beauties of the Lord, who is our wisdom and righteousness (1 Cor. 1:30). We can make clear the choice between wisdom and foolishness, joy and despair, and blessing and heartache. We can also pray. We can pray that the Holy Spirit will use our meager, faltering attempts as means to speak to their hearts.
P. 35: …if their hearts are unfazed by the gracious life and words of Jesus Christ, their life and words will not be grace-filled. The Bible teaches that our words reveal deeper truths about us. They are either the fruit of hearts that have been transformed and humbled by grace, or they are the rotten product of hearts striving for control, dominance, and self-centered pleasure…. Before our young adults’ speech will be genuinely gracious, their hearts have to be gracious – and this gracious transformation, only happens through the power of the Holy Spirit in response to the gracious preaching of the gospel.
—words/proverbs pg 36
P. 40: You cannot serve God and money (Matt 6:24) … we need to live lives that seek the greater riches of an eternity with God. This inheritance transcends the value of the dollar, financial freedom, and vocational success. We need to remind them of the grace of the savior who, “ though he was rich, yet for [our] sake, he became poor, so that [we] by his poverty, might become rich” (2 Cor 8:9). The motivating factor behind godly hard work must be the generosity of Jesus Christ, who knew what it was to eschew the riches of heaven, become poor, and then transfer all his riches to others. Although we should instill within our young adults an appreciation of the much-valued and wise Protestant work ethic, if we fail to teach them about true riches, we will have overlooked the most important truths about vocation and money. After all, “what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?” (Mark 8:36).
P. 50: …when we consistently provide for them, financially, we are removing the impetus that would naturally impel them to establish a career of their own. Proverbs 16:26 states, “A worker’s appetite works for him, for his hunger urges him on” (NASB). Need compels work. When we supply the car, a cell phone, a room, and food, there is little incentive for some young people to acquire a skill and work hard. They are able to enjoy the fruits of prosperity without having to sacrifice.
P. 52: ….a profound joy that originates in the understanding that our work is for the Lord… We work out of a deep gratitude, whether our job is boring, strenuous, or dull. Even seemingly meaningless jobs have meaning because we are working for our Savior…..We need to teach them the honor of honest work and the joy that comes from knowing that our lives count for the Lord. (Col. 3:23-24)
P. 54: The Bible teaches that we are responsible to work hard to provide for ourselves rather than looking to others to take care of us (2 Thess. 3:10-13).
P. 64: A young adult who is foolish (lazy, disrespectful, immoral, etc.) will not be persuaded by parental nagging and whining. It is only decisive action which will get his attention. We can’t spank a twenty-year-old, but we can stop paying for her things and take away our r car, cell phone, or credit card. We can establish requirements as a condition for remaining in our home and we can evict her if she refuses to follow reasonable rules.
P. 65: If we continually step in to “protect“ our children from the consequences of their wrong choices, we may be guilty of honoring our children above the Lord by standing between them and the chastisement the Lord is bringing upon them.
P. 71: The dynamic of living with an adult child is inevitably a difficult one, no matter how much you love each other or how glad you are to be together. Because we are sinners, we easily see the speck in our kids eyes while being completely unaware of the log that is in our own (Matt. 7:3-5). For this reason, clear agreed-upon rules for life together are so necessary.
…if they are still dependent upon us, whether they live at home or not, we have both the right and the responsibility to expect certain things from them as a condition for our ongoing support.
P. 72: disagreements over the proper use of time will erupt if we haven’t set out clear, reasonable guidelines beforehand.
P. 73: We recommend not allowing your child to live at home if she will not work as hard as her parents do. The nature of her work may be flexible – it may include a combination of paid employment, education/training, volunteer work, and helping around the house. —keep record
P. 78: We believe that parents can virtually eliminate nagging by following through on specific consequences for failure to comply.
P. 79-80: Anything that you are providing can be removed or repossessed, including access to the family vehicle, cell phones, the Internet, and television. The question wasn’t whether this couple had sufficient leverage, but whether they would have the courage to deal with their daughter…. we have found that young adults strongly prefer consequences to nagging and scolding. We also believe that such consequences reflect how the real world works.
P. 81: you should make it clear that every adult has choices to make. As the parent you have the right to set standards for your own home. Your child has a choice of whether or not to stay. She can agree to follow your rules and continue to enjoy the benefits of being under your roof, or she can say that she is unwilling to submit, thus making her decision to leave. If she wants total freedom, she also needs to learn to take care of herself.
—> make list of expectations- see appendix D
Ch 6- great chapter to reread!
P. 85: Humility is the fruit of the Holy Spirit’s work in our hearts as he convicts us of sin and overwhelms us with reminders of our unmerited blessings.
Humbly Convey Clear Expectations
P. 86: Unclear expectations are almost always unmet expectations because it’s impossible to comply when compliance hasn’t been defined.
…Respect for others and willingness to let them make their own choices is the fruit of humility.
…For the most part, it’s now time to watch God’s grace at work.
Making it really clear
P. 87: Parents should include their adult kids in the negotiation process of defining expectations, rather than laying down the law without opportunity for input or discussion. They should also be willing to include in the contract what their children can expect from them. A starting point that demonstrates humility and respect is to have the young adult write down what he believes his parents should expect of him. In response to his list, his parents could then sit down with him and work through any changes they think need to be made.
P. 88: Before we tell our adult child, something, we should ask ourselves, “Does she already know what I think?” if the answer is probably yes, then humble respect for her, and for her ability to remember and think through the situation would dictate that we refrain from saying it again….[Nagging] is the fruit of pride and impatience.
Humility speaks little and listens much
P. 89: Listening is an easy way to demonstrate that we are sincerely interested in them as human beings. Careful listening, demonstrates humble respect for their opinions and perspectives…listening involves not only effort and skill, but also love and humility.
P. 90: Parents need to let their adult kids disagree with them and not take it as a shot to their pride.
Humility makes the effort to communicate
P. 92: Part of our letting them go is to inwardly acknowledge that they are accountable to God (not us) for their actions, while we resist the temptation to pressure them to change.
Humility respects their individuality
P. 93: It is because our children image God in their distinct individuality that we should not attempt to impose our dreams or desires on them. …He has decided what callings and gifts to place in their lives. It is not our choice because it is not our life. They need to choose the direction they want to go and the route by which they will get there.
Humility admits sin and wrong
P. 95: I sought to take a genuine interest in understanding exactly how he felt and what he believed.
…God’s grace helps us assume the best about our kids…because he has been so gracious with us we can be gracious with them, assume the best, and avoid the temptation to presuppose bad motives, especially in the midst of conflict… we should seek the most charitable possible interpretation to the actions and words of others.
Humility overlooks and forgives
P. 97: it is both loving and biblical to encourage fellow centers where you can…I need to be constantly on the lookout for commendable actions and character traits in my kids. …There is much in our children for which we can give thanks to God, while also letting our kids know how thankful we are for them….we need to look for evidences (even faint glimmers) of God’s grace in their lives and be quick to point them out to ourselves and to them.
Enjoy each other
Surprise them with kindness
P. 99: …put all your trust in [the Holy Spirit]. Pray that he would transform you and your children.
P. 107: the truth is that we often bail out our kids for our own benefit, to spare us from feeling guilty or seeing our kids suffer. In cases like these, we are not doing what is best for our children, we are doing what makes us feel good about ourselves. When we serve ourselves we are not serving the Lord or our kids. Bailing our kids out of trouble. All the time isn’t an act of love for them – it’s self-love.
…The Lord God, who is the fount of all wisdom and understanding, has promised to share his wisdom with us if we ask. So ask. Ask that he would open your eyes and grant you the benefit of understanding how to respond in a way that’s wise, that will please him, and that will demonstrate real love for him and for your kids.
P. 110: Rather than merely bailing your child out of his immediate problem, seek to deal with the root causes (Prov. 4:23; Mark 7:21-23), such as a poor work ethic, a lack of self-control, or an unwillingness to defer gratification.
P. 118: The love of money is deadly to our spiritual lives because money brings with it the deception of self-sufficiency and independence. It makes us feel strong, able to acquire the desires of our hearts; it fools us into thinking we’re invincible, able to protect ourselves from difficulties or discomfort. It teaches us to disdain trust in God.
…choose daily to love God more than money…
P. 127: …no financial help be offered without both parents being in agreement.
P. 130: quote from Patrick Henry’s will: “I have now disposed of all my property to my family: there is one thing more I wish I could give them, and that is, the Christian religion. If they had that, and I had not given them one shilling, they would be rich; and if they had not that, and I had given them all the world, they would be poor.
P. 145: Lastly, even if we think we’ve accurately identified the shortcomings that are inhibiting our child’s success with the opposite sex, he would probably prefer that you not point them out.
P. 152: When we put our marriages first, our kids will benefit from our example by learning the importance of putting their own spouses first. Since scripture so clearly states that married children are to form their own family unit, by implication we’re commanded to allow them to do so.
P. 157: We need to follow their parents’ rules and address questions of discipline in the manner they tell us. In doing this, we’ll be teaching our grandchildren that they should respect and submit to their parents’ authority too.
August 21, 2011
I recommend this book to anyone that has, or will soon have adult children. I continue to pray for grace in how to love our boys, our daughter-in-law and granddaughters.
Parenting books typically take you to a point where you can 'launch' your children successfully into the world. Some of us look forward to that event with the sense of that will be the point where we say 'job done' - but you never really stop being a parent! In the complex social, geographical, vocational and property-valued landscape that we inhabit parenting has never had more challenges to maintain healthy relationships with our adult children. Jim and Elyse will show you how to be the best parent you can to your adult child.
Parenting books typically take you to a point where you can 'launch' your children successfully into the world. Some of us look forward to that event with the sense of that will be the point where we say 'job done' - but you never really stop being a parent! In the complex social, geographical, vocational and property-valued landscape that we inhabit parenting has never had more challenges to maintain healthy relationships with our adult children. Jim and Elyse will show you how to be the best parent you can to your adult child.
October 26, 2011
This is a good book about parenting adult children. It was interesting to read and the philosophies expressed were scripturally based common sense. After reading this book, I realized that I'm really a pretty good parent to my adult children :-D Thanks to my good friend Nona (school librarian where I teach) who loaned me this book and then let me keep it. I recommend this book for anyone with trying to navigate the waters of maintaining and improving relationships with adult children. I'm going to keep it and refer back to it often!
December 27, 2012
This book is very helpful. It is solidly Biblical & very well written. I appreciated it because it doesn't just deal with remedies for parents & adult children who don't get along. It deals with the changes that come about, boundaries & the blessings of having adult children. One of the chapter titles is "Your New Math: Adding By Subtracting". When children grow up and get married, our blessings are increased and we are to be blessings to our children & grandchildren. I am reading the book right now for the second time.
February 4, 2014
Remember that 2 stars means it was ok. It doesn't mean I completely disliked it or that I would never recommend it. This book certainly has helpful information, and I especially appreciated the chapter cautioning us about parenting like Eli, as well as the appendix regarding caring for aging parents. I also have friends who are the midst of some extreme parenting struggles who are finding this book quite encouraging and profitable. That said, I found it overall a bit discouraging and feel compelled to read Doug Wilson's Standing on the Promises again.
January 28, 2014
Great book that focuses on having a healthy relationship with your adult children. We did this book with a group, most of who had their last child graduating high school. The discussion was rich and added to what we got out of the book! I'd suggest reading this book BEFORE you have "adult children" and not after. Being PROactive is always better than being REactive.
July 26, 2010
This book is excellent for parents with older wayward children, and for setting a vision for people who hope to have older children one day. It could have been stronger highlighting the Scriptural promises to parents for their children, but still a load of good advice.
February 5, 2014
This book leads a discussion toward biblical parenting and touches on issues not often dialogued in a clear way. It is a book I will recommend to parents of adult children. It answered a few questions I have asked myself. Very good read. Becky recommended this book on her blog. So glad she did.
January 5, 2022
Good material. I mostly agree with the authors. I was hoping for more emphasis on how to have a good relationship with your adult children. It has more of an emphasis on how to deal with problems you are having in your relationship with your adult children.
Read
June 23, 2010"Thriving in relationship with your adult children."
Read the first chapter on-line. Looks fantastic! Can't wait to read it!
Read the first chapter on-line. Looks fantastic! Can't wait to read it!
April 1, 2012
Very good. There are not many books that teach you how to parent your children as they become adults.
February 7, 2013
Very helpful on a topic which no one talks or writes about very much.
September 9, 2014
Good, practical advice for parents of adult children, giving encouraging examples in a variety of situations.
March 10, 2017
Never! Learning what that means.
This book was yet another tool for the tool chest of parenting for me, a good reference to return to often to be reminded they are not mine but His.
This book was yet another tool for the tool chest of parenting for me, a good reference to return to often to be reminded they are not mine but His.
September 10, 2020
My wife found this one, along with others, to get some perspective on how we might approach our role as parents as our kids become adults. Other titles included 'your teenager is not crazy' (or something like that), but this is the only one I got to. The book is written in a non-dogmatic style but nonetheless Christian in its outlook, and somewhat American as well. The latter aspect is easy enough to work around ( differences in college/university, for example), and while Christians are likely to enjoy this more easily, I don't see why others might not get something from it. To a large extent, the authors are aiming to help parents think through individual situations amidst tensions in values.
Some of the issues include work, money and marriage/inlaws/grandchildren, each of which can be points of joy when things go well, stress when children have to struggle through difficulties and in some cases pain for all when relationships break down. And this was probably the key message for me - continuing to stay connected as children grow up and respecting their adulthood. I may go back to this at some point to review specific situations but overall I found that the process of reflecting on the various topics helped me continue to appreciate the privilege and responsibility of being a dad and know that I can continue to enjoy this as I enter a new stage of life.
Some of the issues include work, money and marriage/inlaws/grandchildren, each of which can be points of joy when things go well, stress when children have to struggle through difficulties and in some cases pain for all when relationships break down. And this was probably the key message for me - continuing to stay connected as children grow up and respecting their adulthood. I may go back to this at some point to review specific situations but overall I found that the process of reflecting on the various topics helped me continue to appreciate the privilege and responsibility of being a dad and know that I can continue to enjoy this as I enter a new stage of life.
January 5, 2022
I'm a parent of six children 12 years of age and under, and this book was informative and very useful for parenting in general as well as thinking about and preparing for my future parenting of adult children. Furthermore, it related not only to parenting, but also to interpersonal conflict and relationships in general and there was much wisdom to be gleaned on a variety of topics. I particularly appreciated the way the authors addressed conscience issues in nuanced ways that provided a great example of how to address these sensitive topics of parenting and family with flexibility and grace. Highly recommended!
January 2, 2025
As an adult child myself seeking to know how to advise other parents with adult children, I found this book very helpful to determine how to thread the balance of generosity and help with distance to allow adult children to experience the natural consequences of their actions.
I had heard much of the contact expectations from talks by Newheiser in the past but what really touched my heart was the encouragement to parents to be involved and giving sacrificially of time and money to invest in their children. It helped me to think through and appreciate all the many ways my parents interested in me.
I had heard much of the contact expectations from talks by Newheiser in the past but what really touched my heart was the encouragement to parents to be involved and giving sacrificially of time and money to invest in their children. It helped me to think through and appreciate all the many ways my parents interested in me.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 13, 2025
The authors provide a balanced perspective for parents in regard to what is and is not appropriate as they interact with their adult children. “Just as we need a literal passport to gain the right to enter a foreign land, we need to earn the right to speak into the life of another adult, (even our own child’s)…. We lose passport when we nag, manipulate, and demand control. When experience parents were asked to share the main lessons they had learned and dealing with their adult kids, the most common answers was learning when not to speak.” Pg 22
January 1, 2022
I read this book with a partner to discuss and help each other to apply its incites to our lives. I found the information and advice helpful. Jim readily admitted his biases and mindset as a Christian man, which helped to inform his advice and allowed me to adjust my thinking. I would recommend this book to any parent of adult children, but especially to Christian parents/grandparents as wise counsel regarding how to biblically interact with adult children, grandchildren, and even in-laws.
May 13, 2022
This book walks through topics relevant to families who have older children living at home, and a few topics for adult children who have left home. The clarity on "being of age" to make decisions was helpful. I thought the Contract with Adult Child in Appendix D was actually really instructive for parenting: Less nagging, and use logical consequences. Scriptures throughout were helpful and the applications of particular passages made this a worthy read.
September 25, 2022
Este libro es una ´guía ´ necesaria para todos los que tenemos hijos adultos. Desde el fundamento bíblico hasta los ejemplos prácticos, son una ayuda de importancia para navegar esas aguas que muchas veces se tornan difíciles. Nunca dejamos de ser padres, seamos los mejores posibles con la ayuda del Espíritu Santo.
July 27, 2023
Excellent book that covers everything from how to handle a wayward child to having a Godly repationship with your child's spouse & their family, to everything in between. It even covers dealing with aging parents. Well written, an easy read. Lots of scripture references, all Biblical advice. A must read for anyone with teenagers or adult children of any age.
November 16, 2016
A bit slanted towards dealing with the problem of "Failure to Launch" adult kids than the flip side of over-controlling parents.
May 12, 2019
Very few solid resources are available to help parents biblically relate to their adult children. I found this book to be very practical, insightful and gospel-centered.
September 14, 2020
This book is well written and a great tool for parents of adult children. I would recommend reading it before your kids are adults, so you and your spouse can talk about boundaries.
February 28, 2025
Great Biblical wisdom for navigating parenting adult kids in or out of the home and grandparenting
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