Coping with BPD: DBT and CBT Skills to Soothe the Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder

by Blaise A. Aguirre, Gillian Galen, Alec L. Miller (Foreword)

In this much-needed book, two renowned borderline personality disorder (BPD) experts offer simple, easy-to-use skills drawn from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) to help you address the most common issues of BPD, such as intense feelings of anger, depression, and anxiety.

For many, having BPD is like living in emotional overdrive. And whether you are feeling depressed, anxious, worried, or angry, you might struggle just to get through each day. So, how can you start balancing your moods and managing your symptoms? This helpful guide addresses over fifty of the most common struggles people with BPD face every day, and offers accessible, evidence-based solutions to help you feel better and get back to living your life.

You'll discover powerful DBT and mindfulness skills to help you set personal limits, manage intense emotions and moods, and address issues like substance abuse and doing harm to yourself and others. In addition, you'll learn how to deal with the inevitable negative self-talk, feelings of paranoia, and self-invalidation.

If you’re ready to take charge of your BPD—instead of letting it take control of you—this book will be your go-to guide. Perfect for everyday use, the practices within will help you manage your symptoms as they arise.

Genres: Psychology, Mental Health, Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Illness, Personal Growth, Health

224 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2015

About the author

I am a child and adolescent psychiatrists and practice dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and psychopharmacology. I am the medical director of 3East at Harvard - affiliated McLean Hospital, a residential DBT program for young women exhibiting behaviors and borderline personality traits. I have been on staff at McLean since 2000.

My books include 1) Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder: Relieve Your Suffering Using the Core Skill of Dialectical Behavior Therapy; 2) Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents: A Complete Guide to Understanding and Coping When Your Adolescent Has BPD 3) Depression (Biographies of Disease)And co-author of 4) Helping Your Troubled Teen: Learn to Recognize, Understand, and Address the Destructive Behavior of Today's Teens and 5) Parenting Your Child with Autism: Practical Solutions, Strategies, and Advice for Helping Your Family

Reviews

[✨Bean's Books✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so amazing! Perfect quick reference for a laymen to DBT and CBT. And perfect size for carrying around with you. I keep this in my purse! Great information, exercises and suggestions. HIGHLY recommend!

[Charlotte Nickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely brilliant book. I have read many a self help book but this one has really stood out to me.
The book was written so compassionately and with no judgement at all, which you sometimes pick up in other books.
It was all broken down in to simple chapters for individual problems so easy to come back to at a later date if you need to refresh your memory or get an idea.
The skills were laid out clearly and done in steps, with examples so you could grasp them.

I would 100% recommend this book. Not just for those with BPD but for anyone who struggles at times with things like anxiety and depression.

[Rachel · Rating 1 out of 5]

I do like Blaise Aquirre's videos but the book was, in my view very disappointing. I think it would be most helpful to the young or newly diagnosed, but to old hands like me there is nothing in here I don't already know. And basically without buying the book the overriding theme is self-validate; in fact this seemed to be the only solution. Save your money. Self- validate, self-validate, self-validate. That's pretty much the book in a nutshell and all you need to know.

[Kristīne Spure · Rating 5 out of 5]

I need the paper copy of this to carry around with me. So many good thoughts and tips to deal with the things in your head, even if you’re not particularly dealing with BPD.

[Pooya · Rating 2 out of 5]

من کتاب رو خوندم چون یه سری مسائلی که مطرح کرده تو زندگی خودمم بوده ولی در کل خیلی از تکنیک هاش رو خودم آلردی بلد بودم و به صورت کلی میشه یه سری تکنیک دی بی تی اشاره کرد:

- احساس ها و افکاری که در اون لحظه داره با دقت بهشون توجه کنه و مایندفول باشه راجع بهشون
- اون حس ها رو قبول کن ه و سعی نکنه ردشون کنه
- بعضی اوقات لازمه دقیقا برعکس یه سری از چیزایی که دلمون میخواد عمل کنیم برای تمرین
- موقع هایی که ناراحتی چیره میشه انجام یه کار قشنگ برای یه نفر دیگه میتونه حال آدم رو بهتر کنه مثلا کار داوطلبانه یا هر چیزی
- و یه سری تکنیک دیگه

[Archita · Rating 5 out of 5]

i really liked this book! i picked it up because one of my clients was talking about it and i wanted to check it out. i appreciate the way that it breaks down what to do in such a range of situations and i think it could be helpful for those with bpd and those without!

[Tiphaine]

mon nouvel indispensable à fourrer dans mon sac

[Gv · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like the "guidebook" format of the book, with a selection of numerous situations and ideas about how to react (well, respond, really). However I'm not always very convinced by the solutions offered, which tend to oversimplify things (ex: determining whether guilt is justified or not: if I did something that goes against my values, it is justified and therefore repaired.... but my values tell me to be perfect, so yep, I go against them all the time, the criteria are not so easy).
I'm also.... unsure how I feel about their definition of BPD in the introduction. They explain how it is a continuum, from extreme cases, to cases where people don't even notice it. I think this does not fit with the "it must clearly interfer with daily functioning" criteria necessary for a diagnosis. I feel that using the word "borderline personality disorder" does not really add clarity or qualifications to something that is already often polarized. How about "some people can have BPD traits?" Let's not diagnose everyone with a personality disorder.... This goes along their choice to not treat the issues of self-harm and suicidality, therefore choosing to ignore some of the darkest parts of BPD.
However, I found the book overall interesting, an easy read, with some nice suggestions.

[Lisa Beaulieu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good. No extraneous details like the backstory and physical description of Patient X. They lay out potential issues such as anger management or hypersensitivity, give scenarios in which that might play out, and how you can deal with your emotions more skillfully. Good for anger, depression, anxiety. You can just skip things that don't apply to you, for ex I have no parents, and the scenarios with parents were clearly marked so that I didn't waste time with them. Highly recommend.

[Monika Kozlowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Covered a lot of skills I learned in therapy . Great read . Great help

[Therapy Goat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listen, if your emotions feel like they’ve been riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt, Coping with BPD by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen might just be the manual you didn’t know you needed. This book is packed with real, practical tools rooted in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) – aka the stuff that actually works when your brain feels like it’s running the show.

Aguirre and Galen don’t waste time with fluffy metaphors or long-winded theories. They get straight to the point: you’re not broken, and there are ways to dial down the emotional chaos. The best part? The skills are broken into bite-sized steps that feel doable, even when you’re overwhelmed. From distress tolerance to mindfulness (without the annoying “just breathe” advice), it’s all there – and it’s surprisingly easy to follow.

This book shines because it’s real. It acknowledges how hard it is to exist sometimes, but it also gently reminds you that you deserve peace. Plus, it doesn’t guilt-trip you when things feel out of control – instead, it throws you a life raft with simple exercises that make emotional storms a little less intense.

If you’re hoping for a deep dive into childhood trauma or the origins of BPD, this isn’t that book – but it doesn’t pretend to be. It’s more like “Hey, let’s survive today first.” And honestly, sometimes that’s exactly what you need. Pair it with therapy or just keep it as your emotional first-aid kit for when life feels extra.

Bottom line – if you’re navigating BPD and need something that feels like a therapist giving you solid advice without the bill, this one’s a win.

https://www.amazon.com/shop/influence...

[M.Dankiewicz · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Author presents BPD in a clear and empathetic manner, which is very refreshing, breaking down its symptoms, triggers, and the emotional landscape that individuals with BPD often navigate. The book is structured in a way that combines theory with practical advice, making it accessible for readers who may not have a psychological background. One of the book’s strengths is its focus on the importance of communication, emphasising the need for patience and understanding, the emphasis on validating emotions, rather than dismissing them, which is just beautiful to see, as BPD is often something you see demonised across the Internet, when in actuality, people never truly try to understand their partners. So many people would benefit from reading this - it would eliminate so many stigmas and preconceptions that simply aren't true

it occasionally lacks depth in certain areas.For instance, while the author discusses coping strategies, some sections could benefit from more detailed examples or scenarios to illustrate how these strategies might be implemented in real life situations.

A very Valuable read to me ❤️

[Sarah Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book enough that I purchased a copy for my daughter after reading a library copy. It was straight forward and gives a person things to think about and a checklist to see if they are acting rationally in certain types of situations. My family is new to the idea of BPD and my daughter is a teenager so having a simple explanation of things helps a lot for those new to the diagnoses. It gives scenarios for the types of situations or feelings a person might be having and then explains what things they should consider. It's not telling them they have to act a certain way but helps guide them to more positive thinking and outcomes with situations which could turn out very negative. Even though this book is specifically for BPD many of the techniques could be used for those of us with depression or anxiety as well which I do suffer from.

[Becky Field · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having undertaken CBT in the past, I recognised a lot of the techniques within the book, and felt I was skipping past some pages with having recollection in previous experiences. Though I did find it a handy guide and would recommend for those who may have been recently diagnosed with BPD and awaiting therapy.
It provides situations and examples that the reader can relate to and make a connection with, which can further deepen your understanding of the techniques and practices.

I borrowed this book from BorrowBox but feel this would be a much better book to have as a quick reference rather than be a book that you read from cover to cover. Index provides a quick reference to specific pages / topics if you need to use or reference back to 'in the moment'.

[Ana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Needed a reminder of what was in CBT and DBT that helped me be a more grounded person. Not necessarily a fan of the amount of self validation in here, also not a fan of “Use opposite action: Notice what you typically do, and, if it’s ineffective, do the opposite behaviour” I had to stop myself from taking this out of context and becoming a huge problem lol. I do think this book could help immensely when you are struggling with being an unstable person in general. If you are actually taking what’s in here into consideration and not seeing it as some type of “positivity bullshit”, it could really change your life and the life of people around you because hurting them (for me especially) starts becoming a pull into a hole of guilt and shame that just makes you spiral onto other issues

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book aided in my recovery when I was first diagnosed before I was able to attend dialectal behavior therapy (which ultimately was the best way to treat). Informing myself about my diagnosis was so helpful in communication with my doctors, therapists, understanding why I behaved the way I did, had felt the way I did for so long - I took back control step by step and did not feel so terrified as I once did. I knew I was not the only one on the roller coaster any longer.
When I got out of DBT it became really helpful to be a amazing guide for my skills I had already learned, but sometimes forgot in the moment of intense emotions.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

i checked this book out of the library, but i’m going to buy my own copy. the contents page is pure gold. i’ve shown it to several people because it is delightful. a sampling:

6. Wanting to Yell at People
15. Feeling Bored
25. Not Knowing How to Act
31. Not Getting Out of Bed
33, Drinking to Address Overwhelming Feelings
39. The Urge to Insult or Devalue Another
42. Feeling Like Nobody Loves You

who doesn’t need something like this in their back pocket? would make hilarious (but practical!) gifts for your whole family.

[Dane Riley · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I initially started this book I was very annoyed by certain semantic situations which almost led me to put it down.
I did end up continuing and found this to be a very effective short course on Dialectical Behavior Training (DBT) and Cognitive Behavior Training (CBT) through fictional example.
I find this format much preferable to most self-help/psychology books with their endless data tables, acronyms and essay questions

[Nirah Hearth · Rating 5 out of 5]

as someone that suffers from Severe BPD the little cheat codes that this gave me to cope with even the most basic situations have made everyday a little better, It values the experiences that most BPD sufferers experience and gives you a little bit of control against the typical reactions we have. Its not a be all and end all solution but every little helps when trying to navigate the scary world of relationships and traumas that come with it all

[Gretchen Hessler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is perfect for someone struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)! It goes through pretty much every emotion and scenario someone with BPD experiences and dives into how to cope with the scenario. I strongly recommend it to anyone in the mental health profession and anyone who struggles with BPD.

[Tilly Foulkes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was brilliant. As someone was has suffered with BPD for years, I think it’s very helpful and essential for when you’re in a crisis. I would recommend this to everyone with the disorder. It might not be as helpful to anyone else as it is to me, but all in all I found it life-saving.

[Lauren Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really well written and thought out. It is also very easy to follow, and seems like it would be helpful for those struggling with BPD.

Some of the examples are a bit dated or odd. But, overall I would recommend this to someone struggling with the disorder.
It certainly gave me an insight into what it’s like for those who have BPD.

[Charles · Rating 3 out of 5]

Don't have BPD, don't think, so can't really comment as to the efficacy of the strategies/tactics. The depth of the advice was oddly inconsistent, and there were things that weren't explained or explicitly defined - it's definitely a supplemental book, to therapy, further reading, so on.

[Samantha Willoughby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read for externship but SUPER applicable to anyone who may benefit from applying DBT skills, not just those who meet criteria for a BPD diagnosis. Highly recommend if there is difficulty applying skills in moments of need.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very direct problem solving and right to the point. Helpful to those that do not want to read a book in its entirety for one or two specific issues.

[Joanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick but useful read. I have moderate to severe depression and anxiety, and I found some of the techniques pretty useful.

[M · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my introduction to DBT. Interesting!

[Cheryl Clearwater · Rating 3 out of 5]

straight forward, practical book of advice for young adults with BPD

[Roxane]

Problem and Solutions

Gives good examples of possible situations and solutions so that it is easier to relate to the experience. I appreciate the highlights.

[Ashley M · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great little guide with quick references! Great for those with BPD to access skills easily.