When a Family Member Has OCD: Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Skills to Help Families Affected by Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

by Jon Hershfield, Jeff Bell (Foreword)

When someone has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), it can affect the entire family. This book is an essential guide to help family members cope with their loved one’s compulsive behaviors, obsessions, and constant need for reassurance.

If your loved one has OCD, you may be unsure of how to express your concerns in a compassionate, effective way. In When a Family Member Has OCD, you and your family will learn ways to better understand and communicate with each other when OCD becomes a major part of your household. In addition to proven-effective cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness techniques, you’ll find comprehensive information on OCD and its symptoms, as well as advice for each affected family member.

OCD affects millions of people worldwide. Though significant advances have been made in medication and therapeutic treatments of the disorder, there are few resources available to help families deal with the impact of a loved one’s symptoms. This book provides a helpful guide for your family.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Self Help, Health, Relationships, How To

200 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 2015

About the author

Jon Hershfield, MFT, is the director of The Center for OCD and Anxiety at Sheppard Pratt in Towson, MD. He specializes in the mindfulness-based and cognitive behavioral treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Hershfield is coauthor of the books Everyday Mindfulness For OCD and The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD and is the author of When a Family Member Has OCD, Overcoming Harm OCD, and The OCD Workbook for Teens.

Reviews

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read a lot of books about OCD. This is the first one that I felt really actually offered some suggestions for how to deal with it when someone you care about has it. It was straightforward and to the point and I’ve already recommended it to someone else who’s going through a little of what we’ve experienced for the past 10 years. I wish I would’ve read it sooner.

[Sara Vicendese · Rating 5 out of 5]

I worked with Jon at UCLA, and was so pleased to see that he had written another book in support of individuals and families coping with an OCD diagnosis. As a clinician and author, Jon is as sensitive as he is skillful, and I would highly recommend this book to patients, their families, and other clinicians working with this population. I look forward to future titles by Jon, as they offer invaluable insight and support to those living with OCD. Sara Vicendese, LMFT

[Isabella · Rating 4 out of 5]

very very helpful!! eye opening and comforting 🥺 i feel like the way he talked about OCD was kinda harsh sometimes but that’s just cause i’m a sensitive baby 😭

[Dani · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was very informative and helpful. It took me so long to read it but really it’s more like I read it in two chunks and I’m glad that I did. I read part 1 early on and that was about what OCD is. And then the second and third parts were more about supporting people with OCD. My main complaint is that he would switch between he/him and she/her pronouns when talking about the hypothetical family member you’re supporting and honestly it was like a reading stumbling block to me. They/them please! Then it won’t keep switching to be inclusive and in fact would be more inclusive (sorry for reverting to my English teacher self for a moment)

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful! While I wish some things had been unpacked a bit more (in addition to the inclusion of more practical examples), I acknowledge this is a singular book—one that covers a lot and also points readers in the direction of other resources—with limitations. I very much appreciate how the author lays out a productive framework for helping family members, especially for those who struggle to be firm with others (particularly those they care about) and instead constantly accomodate compulsions because it seems like the loving thing to do. The author stresses the importance of a firm but empathetic approach and encourages readers to sit with their discomfort instead of accommodating—something I wish I had considered long ago!

[Cheri Frink · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! Jon is an author that can write the answers to your questions in very few words. Every time I have read this book , I learn something new!
It is easy to follow and covers what to do if OCD strikes a family member and you need a resource to keep by your bedside. Great content!!

[Marike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and well written.

[Emma Nixon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A compassionate, honest and informative read all in one.

[Sarah Faircloth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful. The first book I’ve found that had helpful examples of how to respond and why it matters when there are triggers and compulsions. Some great info about reassurance seeking behaviors that I will be aware of from now on.

[Lynette · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very helpful book that has a wonderful description in chapter 1 as to how an ocd mind works. Brilliant way of describing it. Found this book to be great on a lot of levels but it also made me a little confused about how I can not offer reassurance. I get the mechanics behind it, but don't understand how I can just do nothing when someone wants basic reassurance. Doesn't the other person then feel like you don't care and aren't there for them? Someone enlighten me please! Can't quite get my head around this aspect!

[Moe · Rating 5 out of 5]

A concise, practical, informative and highly empathetic guide to navigating the various forms that OCD can affect the sufferer's life and their loved ones.

I found that the book is applicable not only to those who would like to help a family member live with OCD, but to anyone who has a close relationship with an OCD sufferer. I myself, as someone who suffers from mild forms of OCD, found this to be highly applicable and helpful.

The book comes with lots of recommended resources and reads, which is highly welcome.

[Albertus AG Agung · Rating 5 out of 5]

Help me a lot to understand my partner

I like the way this books detailing on each common type of OCD, and this book gives us hope that we can live fully and gratefully life with our family member.

[Donna Schwartz · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is very difficult to live with a person who has OCD. This book talks about the basics of what OCD is and how to cope with it. It helped me to determine how to identify what type of OCD I was seeing and how to deal with it. I will be rereading this book!

[Jessa Casey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful read when you have a loved one struggling with ocd.

[Mackenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful. Good for someone new to what ocd is, repetitive if prior knowledge in it.

[Mary Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful in having more sympathy for your family member, while also giving you validation for your own feelings in the process.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-have book for someone with a family member who has OCD. The first section is educational about what OCD actually is. The second part give practical advice for how to deal with a family member's compulsions and each chapter deals with checking, avoiding, seeking reassurances, washing and cleaning, and mental rituals. He also has a chapter specifically about family dynamics and how to handle if your child, parent, or spouse has OCD (because your role will change to some degree depending on your relationship). He also is very explicit about what your role is . . . and isn't.

Also, at the end he gives helpful information about how to locate resources as well as questions to ask therapists. As I found out through trial and error, all therapists are not created equal and it's important not to waste time and money onboarding with someone who's not a right fit. Asking questions like "Do you specialize in CBT? How much of your practice focuses on OCD?" and "Do you use exposure with response prevention (ERP)?" are essential in finding the person who will help in the fight against OCD. (A therapist who specializes in anxiety, for instance, can actually hurt, not help, but that's an easy mistake as OCD produces anxiety.)

[Ron Cruz · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Favorite Line: "What we should be aiming for is not a cure for a disease, but mastery of a disorder ... a person with the right tools can expect to get better over time"

Best Take-Home Lesson: The Four "I"s: Identify, Invite, Interrupt, & Integrate
(1) IDENTIFY the Compulsion (not the person) as the problem
(2) INVITE Collaboration (self-propelled effort bolstered by team effort using CBT Tools & Reinforcing Mindfulness concepts)
(3) INTERUPT the Obsessive - Compulsive cycle with Permission
(4) INTEGRATE & Model Health Behavior (show of Alliance)

[Ham · Rating 4 out of 5]

This had a lot of great advice. Which was repeated over. And over. Cliche says: repetition is the mother of learning - if I needed to cement this info in my memory I would simply relisten to the book. Still, it’s an important tool for those struggling with an underrepresented and misunderstood condition. But OMGOODNESS - I almost excised a star for the narrator who shouted the book like a used car salesman.

[Libbie George · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was actually a very helpful book. It shed light on many things I did not know where actually OCD happening in our household. I appreciated how it went through all family members, such as "if your husband has OCD" and "if your parent has OCD"...sibling, etc. I learned much, and will be applying.

[Kim Nyborg · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was suggested to me by my therapist as a result of my young daughter's diagnosis. I was worried it would be clinical & boring but just the opposite. It was a really great guide & while not everything in the book applied to our situation, there was so much to be taken away from & had real life applications.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye-opening, validating, and helpful. Some things were very repetitive but it highlights the importance. I wish there were case studies and/or more examples of what to say/do in hypothetical situations. There were some, but I think more examples would be more salient instead of “do and don’t” charts.

[Dianna · Rating 2 out of 5]

There was some good advice in this book but it was too repetitive and there were too many gratuitous "Do and Don't" charts that seemed to me to be just a way to make the book seem to have more content than it really does.

[Jackie Weisman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to Understand from an Expert

A quick read that didn't use a lot of technical, medical jargon. Great tips from a medical professional with OCD himself.

[Kari Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful and digestible

Good resource and introduction to OCD with digestible, practical information. Enjoyed it. Specific chapters for various family relationships were helpful.

[Kendra · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very helpful guide for those who have a loved one that struggles with OCD. I am a mental health counselor and I recommend this book to many of my client’s loved ones. Hershfield knows his stuff!

[Paige Chase · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful book written for families of OCD sufferers. Excellent resource to recommend to parents and caregivers.

[George · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well-written; extremely informative

[Steven Groner · Rating 5 out of 5]

A creative and informative approach that provided helpful guidance to my family. We obtained new knowledge and tools as a result.

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

This a great book to read to help understand OCD and how to help people in your life