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The Art of Mingling, Third Edition: Fun and Proven Techniques for Mastering Any Room
Fully revised and updated—with Jeanne Martinet’s trademark wit and practicality, The Art of Mingling hands you the keys to feeling at ease in any social situation.
Does the idea of going to a large party make your mouth go dry? Are you more comfortable on Facebook than face-to-face? You’re not alone: Ninety percent of the world suffers from minglephobia. Jeanne Martinet has developed a cure—a sure-fire system for overcoming fears and having a great time at any type of business or social gathering. Filled with simple techniques, tricks, tips, lines and maneuvers, and illustrated with entertaining examples, The Art of Mingling teaches you:
- Basic survival strategies for the Truly Terrified
- Opening lines that really work
- Tools and rules for keeping the conversation going in the right direction
- The all-important etiquette of escape
- Faux pas recovery techniques
- How to avoid the dumb use of smartphones
- The secret to being a good listener
- The right way to follow up online
- and much, much more!
Does the idea of going to a large party make your mouth go dry? Are you more comfortable on Facebook than face-to-face? You’re not alone: Ninety percent of the world suffers from minglephobia. Jeanne Martinet has developed a cure—a sure-fire system for overcoming fears and having a great time at any type of business or social gathering. Filled with simple techniques, tricks, tips, lines and maneuvers, and illustrated with entertaining examples, The Art of Mingling teaches you:
- Basic survival strategies for the Truly Terrified
- Opening lines that really work
- Tools and rules for keeping the conversation going in the right direction
- The all-important etiquette of escape
- Faux pas recovery techniques
- How to avoid the dumb use of smartphones
- The secret to being a good listener
- The right way to follow up online
- and much, much more!
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1992
176 people are currently reading
1402 people want to read
About the author
Jeanne Martinet
12 books24 followersJeanne Martinet is the author of nine books, including the just-out MINGLING WITH THE ENEMY as well as THE ART OF MINGLING, which has sold more than 150,000 copies and been published in ten countries. She has been featured in such publications as: The New York Times, The New York Daily News, Newsweek, The U.S. News and World Report, Salon.com, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, TimeOut New York, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, The Washington Post, The San Francisco Chronicle and The Huffington Post. Martinet has shared her humor and mingling know-how on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including NBC's "The Today Show," and NPR's "Morning Edition."
Jeanne Martinet, AKA "Miss Mingle," lives, writes and mingles in New York City.
Jeanne Martinet, AKA "Miss Mingle," lives, writes and mingles in New York City.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 165 reviews
March 24, 2011
This book has been taunting me, seemingly mocking me with advice about mingling that I would never know if I didn't pick it up. So, today I did pick it up. I now know that I'd never recommend anyone read this book.
For starters, she treats the readers as if they are shy to the point of excruciating pain, while she herself is a mingling goddess. She follows that by insulting all the nerds and geeks of the world by suggesting aspiring minglers practise on the nerds, since then you won't mind if you screw up. Lovely.
This has already got me thinking she considers herself above most other people and beyond reproach.
Then our charming guide proceeds to promote the practise of lying one's way in and out of every single conversation one attempts over the course of a party. It also seems that the instant she's faced with an actual conversation she's looking for a way out. It's really rather vulgar.
I can understand that in order to mingle successfully one does have to talk with a variety of people. But if all these conversations revolve around lies and excuses, what's the point?
All the people I admire as great socialisers are actually charming, interesting, interested and sociable. They mingle well because they are genuinely interested in having a great conversation and will do their best to make everyone feel welcome within it. If they mingle strategically, it's only in the way a host would. That is, they greet people and introduce them to other people continuously.
Basically, I agree with very little in this book. Much of her advice on what to avoid talking about at parties is sound, however her advice on what TO talk about is pretty awful.
I also agree that it's unwise to get yourself anywhere near comfy couches if you're looking to mingle. I agree that if you do want to mingle you may need to extricate yourself from conversations at times - even if you're enjoying it. But, I can't condone lies and silly games to get yourself in or out of conversations. And if I see anyone using any of these tactics at a party I'll be quite disgusted with them.
EDIT: I was talking to my husband about this book after writing this review and he summarised it perfectly: It's as if an autistic person wrote a book about mingling, describing what they saw happening, but without understanding the subtle human interactions that were actually going on in front of them.
For starters, she treats the readers as if they are shy to the point of excruciating pain, while she herself is a mingling goddess. She follows that by insulting all the nerds and geeks of the world by suggesting aspiring minglers practise on the nerds, since then you won't mind if you screw up. Lovely.
This has already got me thinking she considers herself above most other people and beyond reproach.
Then our charming guide proceeds to promote the practise of lying one's way in and out of every single conversation one attempts over the course of a party. It also seems that the instant she's faced with an actual conversation she's looking for a way out. It's really rather vulgar.
I can understand that in order to mingle successfully one does have to talk with a variety of people. But if all these conversations revolve around lies and excuses, what's the point?
All the people I admire as great socialisers are actually charming, interesting, interested and sociable. They mingle well because they are genuinely interested in having a great conversation and will do their best to make everyone feel welcome within it. If they mingle strategically, it's only in the way a host would. That is, they greet people and introduce them to other people continuously.
Basically, I agree with very little in this book. Much of her advice on what to avoid talking about at parties is sound, however her advice on what TO talk about is pretty awful.
I also agree that it's unwise to get yourself anywhere near comfy couches if you're looking to mingle. I agree that if you do want to mingle you may need to extricate yourself from conversations at times - even if you're enjoying it. But, I can't condone lies and silly games to get yourself in or out of conversations. And if I see anyone using any of these tactics at a party I'll be quite disgusted with them.
EDIT: I was talking to my husband about this book after writing this review and he summarised it perfectly: It's as if an autistic person wrote a book about mingling, describing what they saw happening, but without understanding the subtle human interactions that were actually going on in front of them.
January 9, 2008
I got to "Advanced Mingling Techniques" and decided to abandon ship. I picked this up mostly for the humor factor, but seriously - so much of it is based on lying, often at the expense of other party guests! The people who actually employ these tactics are THE REASON that the other 90% of us are "minglephobes!"
October 4, 2011
Oh, how I loathed this book.
I picked it up hoping I could find a few tips to help me at parties and work functions, as I'm not naturally very outgoing. What I got was a sort of hymn to superficiality, a paean to shallowness. Although the author claims the number one goal of mingling is to "have fun," giant swathes of the book are devoted, as other reviewers have noted, to trying to get rid of people you don't want to talk to, and the number of techniques based on lying and deception are uncomfortably high.
Her examples are also often highly based on social situations that only people of a different class than I will ever encounter. I have to attend parties for work sometimes, and once a year, I even have to go to a sort of reception with other librarians and state politicians. But the number of times I've been at a black-tie cocktail party and been saying bad things about a play, only to discover that I'm talking to the playwright, can be counted on one hand without necessitating the use of any fingers.
Her brief discussion of Taoism and mingling at the end was so out of character from the rest of the book that it was almost insulting. There's probably an interesting book to be written about the intersection of Taoism and socializing; it may even already be in print. This ain't it though.
Also, the author was the narrator on the CD (it's actually 4 CDs, for what it's worth), and her voice and delivery only compound the smugness of this book. I did actually finish the whole thing, but I can't say I'd think that was a course of action I'd reccommend.
I picked it up hoping I could find a few tips to help me at parties and work functions, as I'm not naturally very outgoing. What I got was a sort of hymn to superficiality, a paean to shallowness. Although the author claims the number one goal of mingling is to "have fun," giant swathes of the book are devoted, as other reviewers have noted, to trying to get rid of people you don't want to talk to, and the number of techniques based on lying and deception are uncomfortably high.
Her examples are also often highly based on social situations that only people of a different class than I will ever encounter. I have to attend parties for work sometimes, and once a year, I even have to go to a sort of reception with other librarians and state politicians. But the number of times I've been at a black-tie cocktail party and been saying bad things about a play, only to discover that I'm talking to the playwright, can be counted on one hand without necessitating the use of any fingers.
Her brief discussion of Taoism and mingling at the end was so out of character from the rest of the book that it was almost insulting. There's probably an interesting book to be written about the intersection of Taoism and socializing; it may even already be in print. This ain't it though.
Also, the author was the narrator on the CD (it's actually 4 CDs, for what it's worth), and her voice and delivery only compound the smugness of this book. I did actually finish the whole thing, but I can't say I'd think that was a course of action I'd reccommend.
March 17, 2016
الهدف من وراء الاختلاط في هذا الكتاب أمران: الاستمتاع، وعدم الالتصاق بشخص واحد طوال أمسية أو حفل ما، حيث أن الاختلاط معرّف في هذا الكتاب بالتنقل بين أكثر من شخص، والتشبث بأحدهم لا يؤدي الغرض.
هذا الكتاب لا يناسب مجتمعاتنا لذا من الصعب الجزم أنك ستستفيد منه بقدر 60 بالمائة.
ما استفدت منه شخصياً أساليب الهروب من الأحاديث التي لا تنتهي والأشخاص الذين بوسعهم التحدث للأبد، فيشير لبعض الأساليب التي ترشدك: كيف تختفي تدريجياً، وكيف تغير الموضوع وتمسك بزمام الأحاديث. بعض الأساليب مجدية وبعضها لا يتناسب البتة مع الكياسة الاجتماعية لمجتمعنا.
ما لم أطِقه في هذا الكتاب كمية الكذب والزيف اللذان يحتاجهما الشخص ليصبح "مختلطاً ناجحاً" في نظر الكاتبة، بل إنها تقول أنه لا ضير من الكذب في "الحب و المواقف الحرجة". هنا أعطي الكتاب نجمة ونصف.
هذا الكتاب لا يناسب مجتمعاتنا لذا من الصعب الجزم أنك ستستفيد منه بقدر 60 بالمائة.
ما استفدت منه شخصياً أساليب الهروب من الأحاديث التي لا تنتهي والأشخاص الذين بوسعهم التحدث للأبد، فيشير لبعض الأساليب التي ترشدك: كيف تختفي تدريجياً، وكيف تغير الموضوع وتمسك بزمام الأحاديث. بعض الأساليب مجدية وبعضها لا يتناسب البتة مع الكياسة الاجتماعية لمجتمعنا.
ما لم أطِقه في هذا الكتاب كمية الكذب والزيف اللذان يحتاجهما الشخص ليصبح "مختلطاً ناجحاً" في نظر الكاتبة، بل إنها تقول أنه لا ضير من الكذب في "الحب و المواقف الحرجة". هنا أعطي الكتاب نجمة ونصف.
October 29, 2012
بدأت الدخول في عالم قراءات تطوير الذات بواسطة هذا الكتاب اللي يااا قدمه!! كان يقدم افكار تدعوا لترك الخجل مثلاً اذا دخلت غرفة مُكتظة ان تتخيل الجالسين فيها هم أطفال رُضع وهنا ستدخل بكل ثقه ، يمكن أثر فيني بعقلي الباطن!... لأ اذكر الكثير لكنه كان لا بأس به!
August 6, 2015
نجمتان فقط !
يحتوي الكتاب على أساليب للتعامل مع الناس ، و لكن للأسف أن أغلبيتها يصعب تطبيقها في مجتمعنا ، و وجود الكثير من الأمثلة التي لا داعي لها ، و أيضاً ما جعلني أنفر منه هو حجمه الكبير المرهق و لكن في المقابل لم استفادتي منه كانت قليلة .
ما استفدته من الكتاب هو :
• عند دخولك أي حفل أو اجتماع ردد في نفسك : ( سأتظاهر بأني أستطيع ، حتى أستطيع بالفعل ) .
و جرب خواطر النجاة الأربعة :
١- تخيل أن من حولك متجردون من ثيابهم ، أو أنهم أصغر منك عمراً ، أو بأي شكل يضحكك كي تستمتع .
٢- عندما تريد أن تأكل أو أن تتجول في الحفل خذ راحتك و تصرف و كأنما لايوجد أحد يراك .
٣- تخيل أن صديقك بقربك ( لم تعجبني هذه الخاطرة )
٤- عند شعورك بالخوف أو الخجل : اختر شخصية جريئة تعرفها و تقمص دورها .
• عند اختيارك مجموعة للاختلاط بها :
اختر المجموعة التي تشبهك ، و يمكنك معرفة ذلك من خلال اللبس .
اختر الأشخاص اللذين ليسوا منغلقين و إنما منفتحين و لطيفين و ودودين .
• قبل الحديث :
أعد موضوعاً شيقاً للتحدث عنه و يمكنك تدرب الموضوع على أصدقائك المقربين منك .
• عند بدأ الحديث :
امدح
علّق على الموضوع و شاركهم
تحدث بقوة و ثقة
( مثال لافتتاحية : اوه ظننتك فلان ) < و هذا بالتأكيد كذب !
• للاستمرار في الحديث
- اطلب المساعدة، مثال : كأن يحضر لك طعام معين أو يراقب لك شخص معين أو يقول لك عند حضور شخص معين أو أن يراقبك طوال الوقت كي يحذرك عند اتساخ ملابسك .
- عندما تقصص حكاية مضحكة تجنّب التطويل في القصة كي لا يملّ من حولك .
- غيّر الموضوع بين الحين الآخر ، فلا يقتصر دورك فقط على الرد على الشخص و إنما على الإنتقال من موضوع لآخر دون أن يلاحظ من حولك و ذلك للاستمتاع .
• قواعد عند الاختلاط على مائدة الطعام ( البوفيه )
- لا تمكث كثيراً عند مائدة الطعام
- لا تشير إلى شي بطعامك أو شرابك لتجنب بعض الحوادث
- استغل الوقت بالتعرف و ذلك عن طريق التحدث عن الطعام و كيفية عمله و ماهو أفضل طعام لديك ،
- تجنّب التعليقات السلبية عن الطعام و لا تعيبه .
- ساعد الآخرين من خلال تقديم الطعام لهم و أيضاً اطلب منهم المساعدة .
• عند الضيافة
- عندما يصل ضيوفك قل لهم :(( أخيراً ))
- عندما يغادروا قل لهم : (( أبهذه السرعة ؟ ))
- المضيفين الرائعين : هم اللذين يتأكدون من أن ضيوفهم :
*سعداء بحق ،
* لا أحد منه يقف بمفرده ، و إنما يعرّفه و يقدمه لشخص آخر كي يستمتع بوقته .
* ولا يقوم فقط بتقديم شخصين إلى بعض فقط ، و إنما يعطيهم مقدمة لموضوع مشترك بينهم .
___
اقتباسات :
• تذكر .. أن مقابلة شخص يخشى الإندماج قد يستنزف طاقتك لأنك عندئذ ستعمل لك و له .
• كل جزء فيك ، كلها يجب أن يقول : أنا أحب الناس جداً ، و لكني حقاً لا أعبأ بما يظنونه عني .
يحتوي الكتاب على أساليب للتعامل مع الناس ، و لكن للأسف أن أغلبيتها يصعب تطبيقها في مجتمعنا ، و وجود الكثير من الأمثلة التي لا داعي لها ، و أيضاً ما جعلني أنفر منه هو حجمه الكبير المرهق و لكن في المقابل لم استفادتي منه كانت قليلة .
ما استفدته من الكتاب هو :
• عند دخولك أي حفل أو اجتماع ردد في نفسك : ( سأتظاهر بأني أستطيع ، حتى أستطيع بالفعل ) .
و جرب خواطر النجاة الأربعة :
١- تخيل أن من حولك متجردون من ثيابهم ، أو أنهم أصغر منك عمراً ، أو بأي شكل يضحكك كي تستمتع .
٢- عندما تريد أن تأكل أو أن تتجول في الحفل خذ راحتك و تصرف و كأنما لايوجد أحد يراك .
٣- تخيل أن صديقك بقربك ( لم تعجبني هذه الخاطرة )
٤- عند شعورك بالخوف أو الخجل : اختر شخصية جريئة تعرفها و تقمص دورها .
• عند اختيارك مجموعة للاختلاط بها :
اختر المجموعة التي تشبهك ، و يمكنك معرفة ذلك من خلال اللبس .
اختر الأشخاص اللذين ليسوا منغلقين و إنما منفتحين و لطيفين و ودودين .
• قبل الحديث :
أعد موضوعاً شيقاً للتحدث عنه و يمكنك تدرب الموضوع على أصدقائك المقربين منك .
• عند بدأ الحديث :
امدح
علّق على الموضوع و شاركهم
تحدث بقوة و ثقة
( مثال لافتتاحية : اوه ظننتك فلان ) < و هذا بالتأكيد كذب !
• للاستمرار في الحديث
- اطلب المساعدة، مثال : كأن يحضر لك طعام معين أو يراقب لك شخص معين أو يقول لك عند حضور شخص معين أو أن يراقبك طوال الوقت كي يحذرك عند اتساخ ملابسك .
- عندما تقصص حكاية مضحكة تجنّب التطويل في القصة كي لا يملّ من حولك .
- غيّر الموضوع بين الحين الآخر ، فلا يقتصر دورك فقط على الرد على الشخص و إنما على الإنتقال من موضوع لآخر دون أن يلاحظ من حولك و ذلك للاستمتاع .
• قواعد عند الاختلاط على مائدة الطعام ( البوفيه )
- لا تمكث كثيراً عند مائدة الطعام
- لا تشير إلى شي بطعامك أو شرابك لتجنب بعض الحوادث
- استغل الوقت بالتعرف و ذلك عن طريق التحدث عن الطعام و كيفية عمله و ماهو أفضل طعام لديك ،
- تجنّب التعليقات السلبية عن الطعام و لا تعيبه .
- ساعد الآخرين من خلال تقديم الطعام لهم و أيضاً اطلب منهم المساعدة .
• عند الضيافة
- عندما يصل ضيوفك قل لهم :(( أخيراً ))
- عندما يغادروا قل لهم : (( أبهذه السرعة ؟ ))
- المضيفين الرائعين : هم اللذين يتأكدون من أن ضيوفهم :
*سعداء بحق ،
* لا أحد منه يقف بمفرده ، و إنما يعرّفه و يقدمه لشخص آخر كي يستمتع بوقته .
* ولا يقوم فقط بتقديم شخصين إلى بعض فقط ، و إنما يعطيهم مقدمة لموضوع مشترك بينهم .
___
اقتباسات :
• تذكر .. أن مقابلة شخص يخشى الإندماج قد يستنزف طاقتك لأنك عندئذ ستعمل لك و له .
• كل جزء فيك ، كلها يجب أن يقول : أنا أحب الناس جداً ، و لكني حقاً لا أعبأ بما يظنونه عني .
April 28, 2012
*crickets* This was book was horrendous. It was laughably bad and I hope I'm never a target of the author's at some even that requires mingling. If so, these are some of the lines I could expect to be tried on me:
1. "Can you help me out? I'm trying to decide what to name my cat."
2. "Does it look to you like this food is glowing?"
3. "There's magic in the air tonight."
4. "Have you ever wondered where the saying 'break the ice' comes from? And after we break the ice, what if we fall in?"
5. "I'm this close to taking off my shoes and letting my toes roam free."
And my personal fave, "Have you ever thought that maybe we're really in some alien zoo and just don't know it?"
If I mingled with the author, I would also expect to be lied to - as the author encourages this many, many times - and that her name tag will something other than her name such as "Guess!" or "Don't you hate nametags?"
While I thought my mingling skills could be improved, I feel like a mingling virtuoso after reading this thing. This book was filled with some pretty bad advice, in my opinion, and I can't recommend it. I do feel slightly bad for poking fun at this book and the author in this review, but I can't believe that no where in the publishing process that someone didn't think this book needed some major tweaking to make it more palatable.
1. "Can you help me out? I'm trying to decide what to name my cat."
2. "Does it look to you like this food is glowing?"
3. "There's magic in the air tonight."
4. "Have you ever wondered where the saying 'break the ice' comes from? And after we break the ice, what if we fall in?"
5. "I'm this close to taking off my shoes and letting my toes roam free."
And my personal fave, "Have you ever thought that maybe we're really in some alien zoo and just don't know it?"
If I mingled with the author, I would also expect to be lied to - as the author encourages this many, many times - and that her name tag will something other than her name such as "Guess!" or "Don't you hate nametags?"
While I thought my mingling skills could be improved, I feel like a mingling virtuoso after reading this thing. This book was filled with some pretty bad advice, in my opinion, and I can't recommend it. I do feel slightly bad for poking fun at this book and the author in this review, but I can't believe that no where in the publishing process that someone didn't think this book needed some major tweaking to make it more palatable.
August 2, 2011
It is quite amazing how easy mingling seems, in theory, after reading this book. There are so many topics of conversation suggested that it seems inconceivable that anyone could ever be lost for words. The trouble is I still am. I suspect it would take more than a book to make me mingle, but for less hopeless cases this book could well be the answer!
January 27, 2008
This book advocates outright dishonesty and phoniness in the interest of making people like you. Skip it!
If you want a good book on mingling, read The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine.
If you want a good book on mingling, read The Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine.
August 3, 2011
Listened to the audiobook. Very enjoyable. I may even buy it for reference (yes, I'm that socially challenged), and I rarely pay for books.
December 19, 2014
'The Art Of Mingling' is a fun and easy read. Jeanne Martinet writes of real life mingling situations with people/strangers of all different types. This book is only 150 pages and it contains a lot of simple techniques, lines, and tricks to help you out in those mingling situations (awkward or tough) in life. Worth a read! Check it out!
Favorites From The Book:
-"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were humans." (Pg.27)(When dealing with snob types, you got to be funny.)
-On bringing up professions as a conversation starter: "Remember that when you bring up this subject, you actually do not have any idea what subject you are bringing up." (Pg.29)
-It's against the basic rules of mingling to stay with one person for any substantial length of time. Never forget my earlier maxim: He who mingles best, mingles alone. (Of course, I never said you couldn't occasionally have a little help.) (Pg.81)
-The butterfly flies free; each flower she visits is honored by her brief stay, and each perfumed encounter becomes forever a part of her fluttering experience. (Pg.82)
-Your body stance, your eyes, mouth, eyebrows-every part of you-has got to say, "I like people very much, but I really don't care at all what they think of me." (The Mysterious Mingle)(Pg.92)
-Never forget your primary goal is mingling. Food and drink should be a secondary part of your fun, and they can also serve as minglers' helpers in and of themselves. (Pg.102)
-Faux pas build mingling character, and if you don't run away from them, they can help to make you a much stronger conversationalist. (Pg.109)
-"Look how clumsy we all are tonight." (On saving the day for an abashed, inebriated guest.)(What To Do When You're The Host)(Pg.104)
-Don't forget to consider telling the truth before you decide on a lie, but only if the truth is as interesting as a made-up story would be. If the truth is that you just made up a stupid mistake for no particular reason, stick to deceit. (Pg.111)
-Quick Recovery Lines:
"Excuse me. Another personality took over my body there for a minute."
"I always wondered what would happen if I ever really embarrassed myself...I'm still alive. Good."
"Um, is there a time machine anywhere around here?" (Pg.116)
-"Are you this mean to everybody, or am I just lucky?" "My, that looks painful. (What?) Your face." (Handling Insults)(Pg. 129)
-Everybody skips a party now and then. But always remember that every new gathering-like every human being-is totally unique and unpredictable. You don't want to risk missing what may turn out to be the best time you ever had. (Pg.131)
Favorites From The Book:
-"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were humans." (Pg.27)(When dealing with snob types, you got to be funny.)
-On bringing up professions as a conversation starter: "Remember that when you bring up this subject, you actually do not have any idea what subject you are bringing up." (Pg.29)
-It's against the basic rules of mingling to stay with one person for any substantial length of time. Never forget my earlier maxim: He who mingles best, mingles alone. (Of course, I never said you couldn't occasionally have a little help.) (Pg.81)
-The butterfly flies free; each flower she visits is honored by her brief stay, and each perfumed encounter becomes forever a part of her fluttering experience. (Pg.82)
-Your body stance, your eyes, mouth, eyebrows-every part of you-has got to say, "I like people very much, but I really don't care at all what they think of me." (The Mysterious Mingle)(Pg.92)
-Never forget your primary goal is mingling. Food and drink should be a secondary part of your fun, and they can also serve as minglers' helpers in and of themselves. (Pg.102)
-Faux pas build mingling character, and if you don't run away from them, they can help to make you a much stronger conversationalist. (Pg.109)
-"Look how clumsy we all are tonight." (On saving the day for an abashed, inebriated guest.)(What To Do When You're The Host)(Pg.104)
-Don't forget to consider telling the truth before you decide on a lie, but only if the truth is as interesting as a made-up story would be. If the truth is that you just made up a stupid mistake for no particular reason, stick to deceit. (Pg.111)
-Quick Recovery Lines:
"Excuse me. Another personality took over my body there for a minute."
"I always wondered what would happen if I ever really embarrassed myself...I'm still alive. Good."
"Um, is there a time machine anywhere around here?" (Pg.116)
-"Are you this mean to everybody, or am I just lucky?" "My, that looks painful. (What?) Your face." (Handling Insults)(Pg. 129)
-Everybody skips a party now and then. But always remember that every new gathering-like every human being-is totally unique and unpredictable. You don't want to risk missing what may turn out to be the best time you ever had. (Pg.131)
July 4, 2008
Easy, casual read, written in friendly manner (as you'd talk w/a friend, say) and peppered with tips and techniques for both entering a social event and making an exit.
Evident author investment and interest in getting minglephobes out there mingling, but at times too lighthearted and techniques all named something cutesy can get annoying.
Overall, a nice read for ideas, and will use for upcoming meet and greet for new Head of School.
Evident author investment and interest in getting minglephobes out there mingling, but at times too lighthearted and techniques all named something cutesy can get annoying.
Overall, a nice read for ideas, and will use for upcoming meet and greet for new Head of School.
October 24, 2007
I'll save you time, skip to the last chapter. This persons thinks you have to be dishonest to mingle without offending people. I think she's rather shallow and fake. She's the kind of person i would walk away from.
October 26, 2010
It's a common sense book about connecting and meeting people, but not in a slimy pickup artist kind of a way.
Presented with humor, style, and class, the author makes us think that any of us can Mingle anytime, anywhere.
Presented with humor, style, and class, the author makes us think that any of us can Mingle anytime, anywhere.
May 12, 2011
info for the socially challenged like myself
June 24, 2016
The author should rename this book "How to be a Douche at a Party".
May 9, 2023
It’s okay.
I was introduced to the author and her works via a blog and interviews and was intrigued to learn more. Her interviews and podcasts were much better and I think they delivered more value than the book did.
Most of the content seemed redundant and the book could have been 1/2 the length, if that. I appreciate that she assigned nicknames to certain “tactics” but after 20-30 of them, the names became muddy.
I think this book would be very helpful to someone who’s coming from a non-Western culture and wants to learn more about how Westerners/ specifically Americans “mingle” and how to navigate the social context/ cues. I would take the advices with a grain (or a shaker) of salt since she seemed to promote inauthenticity/ lying at times. She did offer some useful tips, but overall I find the book too long and too…”common sense.”
I would suggest looking up her interviews instead, they deliver the same amount of content and take about 30 minutes rather than a few hours of your time.
I was introduced to the author and her works via a blog and interviews and was intrigued to learn more. Her interviews and podcasts were much better and I think they delivered more value than the book did.
Most of the content seemed redundant and the book could have been 1/2 the length, if that. I appreciate that she assigned nicknames to certain “tactics” but after 20-30 of them, the names became muddy.
I think this book would be very helpful to someone who’s coming from a non-Western culture and wants to learn more about how Westerners/ specifically Americans “mingle” and how to navigate the social context/ cues. I would take the advices with a grain (or a shaker) of salt since she seemed to promote inauthenticity/ lying at times. She did offer some useful tips, but overall I find the book too long and too…”common sense.”
I would suggest looking up her interviews instead, they deliver the same amount of content and take about 30 minutes rather than a few hours of your time.
July 24, 2015
The Art of Mingling is filled with extremely useful and practical advice offered up with liberal amounts of wit and wisdom. The author's examples and suggested lines amuse as well as instruct, making this both an enjoyable and useful handbook for social success in any situation--whether recreational or professional. Her tips for white lying may seem insincere at first glance -- but actually kindness is at the core of them all. This playful and entertaining book reminds us that the art of mingling is best done face-to-face, not on your smartphone, and that above all else, it should be fun.
July 6, 2012
I thought this was a cute book about how to mingle better at parties. I still think about a few of the pieces of advice today, several years after I read it. For example, never sit down with someone unless you want to completely excuse yourself from the party. I generally benefit more from books with a bit more research and science to back up its claims, but this was more of a cute, light read.
March 11, 2009
How many of us go to a function, seek out the people we know, and hang with them all night? This author wants us to meet new people, broaden our horizons, and provides some good ideas on exactly how to do that.
Parties would be much more fun if everyone were trained with Ms. Martinet's techiniques...
Parties would be much more fun if everyone were trained with Ms. Martinet's techiniques...
February 28, 2013
This is a hilarious book that gives the reader tips to have the most fun in all the parties. The tips are very good and useful. I have applied some of them myself and have not been disappointed. To mingle is almost like acting: you pretend to be someone fabulous; feel like that and act like that; and people just follow you. It is pretty amazing.
October 16, 2007
well researched and written. entertaining and informative. Sassy, fun, amoral.
July 1, 2015
كتاب رائع
February 13, 2018
[Audiobook] This seemed like an interesting read where I might learn a bit about how I mingle and maybe some useful tips I could use. In some ways I achieved that, but it wasn't worth reading the book for.
Overall I'd say the book stands on a heteronormative, Western pedestal which is unyielding and snobby. A book about someone's outdated and tips about dishonesty is far from improving mingling. To make matters worse she ends the last chapter with anecdotes about relating mingling to Daoism, Yin and Yang, and Tiajiquan. It is absurd to end a book with a loose, transliterated mangled mess of an analogy that had not been previously mentioned in the book. Not only do you leave your readers at a disadvantage who may not be familiar with this new topic, but it also glaringly shows that the author is not an expert either. Rather the author is exploiting another culture to suit her literary goals. It is tactless and bad writing.
Overall I'd say the book stands on a heteronormative, Western pedestal which is unyielding and snobby. A book about someone's outdated and tips about dishonesty is far from improving mingling. To make matters worse she ends the last chapter with anecdotes about relating mingling to Daoism, Yin and Yang, and Tiajiquan. It is absurd to end a book with a loose, transliterated mangled mess of an analogy that had not been previously mentioned in the book. Not only do you leave your readers at a disadvantage who may not be familiar with this new topic, but it also glaringly shows that the author is not an expert either. Rather the author is exploiting another culture to suit her literary goals. It is tactless and bad writing.
September 3, 2018
الكتاب جميل بالمجمل فيه بعض الأمور المفيدة , لكن يعاب عليه أنه يحاكي مواقف تحصل بالمجتمعات الغربية تكاد لا تحصل أو لا تحصل أبداً في مجتمعاتنا , لذلك تساءلت بنفسي عن سبب ترجمة هذا الكتاب من قبل المترجم؟
Read
February 20, 2018مراجعة كرتونية للكتاب للمبدع "أخضر"
http://agileurbia.com/4a5Q
http://agileurbia.com/4a5Q
April 24, 2025
Managed to finish this but wouldn’t recommend.
September 17, 2019
For an introvert, social functions, parties, small talk, and mingling can be exhausting. It's not that we don't like people, it is just that the activation energy required to engage socially is often far in excess of what our temperments allocate.
So this book is a concise and helpful guide to not only navigate, but also make the best of (and even enjoy) talking to strangers at social functions. Many scenarios are covered, and strategies for breaking the ice, saving face, and avoiding getting trapped in unwanted conversations are offered.
For anyone in a career or lifestyle where human connection, networking, and social goodwill is critical, this book is a lifeline.
So this book is a concise and helpful guide to not only navigate, but also make the best of (and even enjoy) talking to strangers at social functions. Many scenarios are covered, and strategies for breaking the ice, saving face, and avoiding getting trapped in unwanted conversations are offered.
For anyone in a career or lifestyle where human connection, networking, and social goodwill is critical, this book is a lifeline.
July 4, 2009
Okay, I liked it, but it was mostly okay. So two stars it is.
Maybe if I was really as bad off as I think I am when it comes to mingling I could have benefited more from this book, but I have come to the conclusion that I underestimate my abilities just a bit. No, I can't 'work' a room, but I am not entirely socially handicapped.
This book may have been more useful if I had read it when I was younger and more naive of common social niceties, but most of the information provided was either common sense or learned common practice. And then some of it I just plain didn't agree with.
Yes, the author admittedly condones lying when it comes to mingling. I, on the other hand, would rather not mingle at all if lying is required or practiced.
There were some great ideas for excusing yourself from conversations and ways to work your way in to groups at gatherings, as well as some great lines to use depending on your needs in an encounter, in addition to some blatantly AWFUL lines.
All in all, I probably identified the most with the last chapter on mingling and social interaction, which ironically was the least instructional: it was the more live and let live philosophy of just enjoying the gathering for what it is and not trying too hard. Which is probably what I practice and why I considered myself in need of reading this book.
Maybe if I was really as bad off as I think I am when it comes to mingling I could have benefited more from this book, but I have come to the conclusion that I underestimate my abilities just a bit. No, I can't 'work' a room, but I am not entirely socially handicapped.
This book may have been more useful if I had read it when I was younger and more naive of common social niceties, but most of the information provided was either common sense or learned common practice. And then some of it I just plain didn't agree with.
Yes, the author admittedly condones lying when it comes to mingling. I, on the other hand, would rather not mingle at all if lying is required or practiced.
There were some great ideas for excusing yourself from conversations and ways to work your way in to groups at gatherings, as well as some great lines to use depending on your needs in an encounter, in addition to some blatantly AWFUL lines.
All in all, I probably identified the most with the last chapter on mingling and social interaction, which ironically was the least instructional: it was the more live and let live philosophy of just enjoying the gathering for what it is and not trying too hard. Which is probably what I practice and why I considered myself in need of reading this book.
January 22, 2014
Listened to the audiobook version, which was narrated by the author (who did a very nice job).
I don't think it was as bad as some of the other reviewers said, although I agree that the preponderance of advice prompting you to tell little white lies was a bit concerning and some of the opening lines made me cringe.
The bit at the end, "the Tao of mingling" was an interesting surprise and I actually learned something that I really didn't fully understand before....the Ying/Yang is a symbol showing how everything is in the process of becoming its opposite. Wet is becoming dry. New is becoming old. Space is becoming form. It is an infinite cycle - for examnple, that which is light becomes dark, and then becomes light.
So, the book was worth my time just for that.
There are some practical tips here but I don't know how I could ever hope to remember all of it!
I don't think it was as bad as some of the other reviewers said, although I agree that the preponderance of advice prompting you to tell little white lies was a bit concerning and some of the opening lines made me cringe.
The bit at the end, "the Tao of mingling" was an interesting surprise and I actually learned something that I really didn't fully understand before....the Ying/Yang is a symbol showing how everything is in the process of becoming its opposite. Wet is becoming dry. New is becoming old. Space is becoming form. It is an infinite cycle - for examnple, that which is light becomes dark, and then becomes light.
So, the book was worth my time just for that.
There are some practical tips here but I don't know how I could ever hope to remember all of it!
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