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If Only Love: A memoir of second chances
An astonishing memoir of love's enduring power, resilience and transformation, If Only Love is a celebration of the timeless connection between two souls—a real-life love story for the ages.
In 1973, a seventeen-year-old Canadian girl meets an American boy on her first day of school in Japan and falls in love, not realizing that he is also a goner for her. When they finally connect, they only have two months together before school's out and she has to head home. Bad timing and swirling emotion botch their attempt to stay together and they fall out of touch. Long after she loses him, she still thinks of him, and even sets out on a journey to find him, one that fails in the most traumatic of ways.
Thirty years later—after her award-winning documentary career has taken her to the most dangerous of places pursuing the toughest of stories—Daniel Peterson's name pops up in an email in Shelley Saywell's inbox, delivering them both a second chance at love. Soon they are edging towards each other in a soul-baring exchange of emails that slowly confirms that their teenage love was real. For fifteen years, they are bonded in life and in love, only to have their marriage cut short when Daniel is diagnosed with terminal cancer.
By braiding together the strands of time—threads of first love enhancing threads of grief, a magic reunion undone by final separation—Saywell reveals the power of memory and the healing magic of love. In his last moments, she asks Daniel, "Can we do this again?" and he replies, "We'll do it again, only better." Hard to imagine any two people doing love better, or any writer creating a more touching, revelatory story and testament to the heart.
In 1973, a seventeen-year-old Canadian girl meets an American boy on her first day of school in Japan and falls in love, not realizing that he is also a goner for her. When they finally connect, they only have two months together before school's out and she has to head home. Bad timing and swirling emotion botch their attempt to stay together and they fall out of touch. Long after she loses him, she still thinks of him, and even sets out on a journey to find him, one that fails in the most traumatic of ways.
Thirty years later—after her award-winning documentary career has taken her to the most dangerous of places pursuing the toughest of stories—Daniel Peterson's name pops up in an email in Shelley Saywell's inbox, delivering them both a second chance at love. Soon they are edging towards each other in a soul-baring exchange of emails that slowly confirms that their teenage love was real. For fifteen years, they are bonded in life and in love, only to have their marriage cut short when Daniel is diagnosed with terminal cancer.
By braiding together the strands of time—threads of first love enhancing threads of grief, a magic reunion undone by final separation—Saywell reveals the power of memory and the healing magic of love. In his last moments, she asks Daniel, "Can we do this again?" and he replies, "We'll do it again, only better." Hard to imagine any two people doing love better, or any writer creating a more touching, revelatory story and testament to the heart.
304 pages, Paperback
Published January 13, 2026
48 people are currently reading
644 people want to read
About the author
Shelley Saywell
2 books1 followerSHELLEY SAYWELL
Shelley Saywell is a documentary filmmaker whose work has focused primarily on social/political issues, war and conflict, violence against women, and children. Her films won numerous awards, including an Emmy for Investigative Journalism.
Her memoir IF ONLY LOVE Random House Canada 2026, tells the story of the great love and events that shaped her life behind the lens. A book about love and loss, it is love-interrupted story that began when she was seventeen, attending an international school in Kobe, Japan.
Saywell's first book, Women in War, Penguin Viking, along with her film archives have been donated to the University of Toronto.
A full filmography can be found at
www.shelleysaywell.com
Shelley Saywell is a documentary filmmaker whose work has focused primarily on social/political issues, war and conflict, violence against women, and children. Her films won numerous awards, including an Emmy for Investigative Journalism.
Her memoir IF ONLY LOVE Random House Canada 2026, tells the story of the great love and events that shaped her life behind the lens. A book about love and loss, it is love-interrupted story that began when she was seventeen, attending an international school in Kobe, Japan.
Saywell's first book, Women in War, Penguin Viking, along with her film archives have been donated to the University of Toronto.
A full filmography can be found at
www.shelleysaywell.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
February 16, 2026
Heartbreaking, bittersweet, beautiful.
As a girlie in a second chance relationship, the love & longing in this spoke to me. It carries you through such personal moments, of tenderness & joy.. then becomes absolutely devastating without warning.
I loved this
As a girlie in a second chance relationship, the love & longing in this spoke to me. It carries you through such personal moments, of tenderness & joy.. then becomes absolutely devastating without warning.
I loved this
February 1, 2026
Heartbreaking.
Lovely.
Lovely.
December 28, 2025
I had the absolute privilege of reading this book before its release date on January 27th and what a beautiful journey it was.
If Only Love tells the true story of a first love that slips away, only to return decades later when two souls find each other again. Reunited by fate, Shelley Saywell and the boy she never forgot discover that love can survive time, distance, and heartbreak. Tender, devastating, and deeply human, this memoir is a testament to love’s enduring power, and the hope of doing it again, only better.
This book is truly beautiful and deeply emotional. It carries you through moments of such joy and tenderness, only to completely devastate you in others. It captures the full complexity of love, loss, and memory in a way that feels incredibly intimate and honest.
This was the first non-fiction book I’ve read in a very long time, and I can honestly say I loved every second of it. I’m so grateful to Shelley Saywell for sharing her story, it taught me not only so much about love, but also offered glimpses of history and lived experiences I hadn’t known before.
If Only Love tells the true story of a first love that slips away, only to return decades later when two souls find each other again. Reunited by fate, Shelley Saywell and the boy she never forgot discover that love can survive time, distance, and heartbreak. Tender, devastating, and deeply human, this memoir is a testament to love’s enduring power, and the hope of doing it again, only better.
This book is truly beautiful and deeply emotional. It carries you through moments of such joy and tenderness, only to completely devastate you in others. It captures the full complexity of love, loss, and memory in a way that feels incredibly intimate and honest.
This was the first non-fiction book I’ve read in a very long time, and I can honestly say I loved every second of it. I’m so grateful to Shelley Saywell for sharing her story, it taught me not only so much about love, but also offered glimpses of history and lived experiences I hadn’t known before.
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February 20, 2026I can’t in all fairness rate this book. It’s beautifully written and really poignant. It’s just not my typical go-to, genre.
October 21, 2025
So much to take in from this stunning memoir that’s a real and raw love story. What could have been, comes back around decades later and really makes you believe in fate although not every ending is a completely happy one. I was so emotional reading this book. I was devastated at times, happy at others, and the way the story of Shelley and Dan is told is done so beautifully. I had tears in my eyes and had to sit for a moment when I finished just to really let everything I’ve read settle in. What a fantastic book. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
February 28, 2026
I don’t read romances . They don’t interest me , I am uncomfortable of Hallmark characters and spunky characters who are always going to have a fairytale ending . The title of the book hooked me . The sparse but perfectly imperfect book broke my heart and I don’t give out five stars much , but this beautiful gem of a book, it rates a five .
If only love … you see that oft written before an obituary or a tragic circumstance and almost always it’s written, if love could have saved you , and the if just illustrates it cannot .
I think all of us have someone who got away , wrong time , wrong circumstance . I think , or I like to think , that to make the heart break a little less , we all indulge in what if narratives , or what if they showed up twenty years from now , things would be different, it would work out , it would be lightening in a bottle . Of course that would only work if both parties actually ached and missed each other , and it wasn’t just a one way longing . We all live with hearts that have been through it , it’s just whether or not we plunge in again.
This is a book written about and by a real person who had a romance in her teenage years , that ended badly , and she held that torch , and amazingly her object of affection missed her equally and they found each other again . I root for these occasions , as someone who would never have this happen, I root often and whole heartedly for anyone that braves the second chance . I wish this book was called happily ever after , I wish this book was a celebration of star crossed lovers who put the capital L in longevity .
I put that there is spoilers , but the spoiler is the premise of the book . They did not get to get to the old age they deserved with each other , and I hate that so damn much .
In any case , this is a beautiful book , I wish the author gentle breezes , coffees that never go cold , transit that is always on time , flowers that hire without tending and a memory span that will keep all of her beautiful moments with her love , intact until she joins him in whatever lies after this life . This is a beautiful book, I don’t tend to even over fawn on reviews , but this book just resonated without my having the kind of situation she found herself back in. I guess it’s safer and better that I can read vicariously through someone who did have that chance .
If only love … you see that oft written before an obituary or a tragic circumstance and almost always it’s written, if love could have saved you , and the if just illustrates it cannot .
I think all of us have someone who got away , wrong time , wrong circumstance . I think , or I like to think , that to make the heart break a little less , we all indulge in what if narratives , or what if they showed up twenty years from now , things would be different, it would work out , it would be lightening in a bottle . Of course that would only work if both parties actually ached and missed each other , and it wasn’t just a one way longing . We all live with hearts that have been through it , it’s just whether or not we plunge in again.
This is a book written about and by a real person who had a romance in her teenage years , that ended badly , and she held that torch , and amazingly her object of affection missed her equally and they found each other again . I root for these occasions , as someone who would never have this happen, I root often and whole heartedly for anyone that braves the second chance . I wish this book was called happily ever after , I wish this book was a celebration of star crossed lovers who put the capital L in longevity .
I put that there is spoilers , but the spoiler is the premise of the book . They did not get to get to the old age they deserved with each other , and I hate that so damn much .
In any case , this is a beautiful book , I wish the author gentle breezes , coffees that never go cold , transit that is always on time , flowers that hire without tending and a memory span that will keep all of her beautiful moments with her love , intact until she joins him in whatever lies after this life . This is a beautiful book, I don’t tend to even over fawn on reviews , but this book just resonated without my having the kind of situation she found herself back in. I guess it’s safer and better that I can read vicariously through someone who did have that chance .
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 11, 2025
I am almost hesitant to write a review for this book because I am worried that I won't be able to convey what a remarkable and beautiful book it is. It's an easy five star book for me. I'd give as many stars as I could to this book because it moved me in so many different and unexpected ways. And isn't that what we really want from a book?
I was interested in reading this book for one reason. The author was in Japan in the 1970s. So was I. I did see that she'd been there for just one year and I told myself that it probably wasn't a huge part of her memoir. But clearly it was. I found her writing to be so very Japanese in many ways. Am I imagining that? Will others see it? Or is it 'if you know, you know'?
This is a book about a first love. If you've ever had a first love, you need to read this book--and I hope everyone has a first love to remember. My own wasn't much in retrospect, but Saywell brings back all those precious moments and the thrill of a first love. And hers really was spectacular. But wait, wait, there's more! This book takes you to so many places, both near and far. The unusual upbringings of the author and her love adds much to the story. Do expect to cry. But also do expect to feel the joy.
I give up. I can't write a decent review of a book that moved me to pieces. Just read it, people!
Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this book. It's the best present I've had in a very very long time!
I was interested in reading this book for one reason. The author was in Japan in the 1970s. So was I. I did see that she'd been there for just one year and I told myself that it probably wasn't a huge part of her memoir. But clearly it was. I found her writing to be so very Japanese in many ways. Am I imagining that? Will others see it? Or is it 'if you know, you know'?
This is a book about a first love. If you've ever had a first love, you need to read this book--and I hope everyone has a first love to remember. My own wasn't much in retrospect, but Saywell brings back all those precious moments and the thrill of a first love. And hers really was spectacular. But wait, wait, there's more! This book takes you to so many places, both near and far. The unusual upbringings of the author and her love adds much to the story. Do expect to cry. But also do expect to feel the joy.
I give up. I can't write a decent review of a book that moved me to pieces. Just read it, people!
Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this book. It's the best present I've had in a very very long time!
March 7, 2026
Such a raw, beautifully written, and deeply bittersweet story about love, timing, and second chances. The novel follows Daniel and Shelley as they reconnect later in life, showing how some loves never truly disappear no matter how much time passes.
What makes this story so powerful is the way each chapter weaves between past and present. As their shared history slowly unfolds, you feel yourself yearning for them more and more, hoping that this time they’ll finally get the future they were once denied. The writing is emotional and reflective, capturing the tenderness and complexity of a love that has endured through years of separation.
That’s what makes the story so heartbreaking. Just as their second chance begins to feel real, it’s suddenly and painfully snatched away when Daniel is diagnosed with terminal cancer. The contrast between hope and inevitability makes the entire story feel profoundly bittersweet.
Listening to this on audio that was narrated by the author just made its impact linger that much longer. What a ride this read was and forever grateful for Shelley sharing her journey, life, and love with Daniel with us.
This beautiful life is so fragile. Spend every day doing something that makes you happy and sharing it with the people you love.
What makes this story so powerful is the way each chapter weaves between past and present. As their shared history slowly unfolds, you feel yourself yearning for them more and more, hoping that this time they’ll finally get the future they were once denied. The writing is emotional and reflective, capturing the tenderness and complexity of a love that has endured through years of separation.
That’s what makes the story so heartbreaking. Just as their second chance begins to feel real, it’s suddenly and painfully snatched away when Daniel is diagnosed with terminal cancer. The contrast between hope and inevitability makes the entire story feel profoundly bittersweet.
Listening to this on audio that was narrated by the author just made its impact linger that much longer. What a ride this read was and forever grateful for Shelley sharing her journey, life, and love with Daniel with us.
This beautiful life is so fragile. Spend every day doing something that makes you happy and sharing it with the people you love.
January 13, 2026
If Only Love: A Memoir of Second Chances, written by Shelley Saywell, is one of the most touching and relatable memoirs I have ever read. The memoir tells the beautiful and tragic love story of Shelley Saywell and Daniel Peterson. Shelley and Daniel initially met when they were teenagers, and as time went on, they went their separate ways. After thirty years apart, they find each other again.
I absolutely loved this story. I personally felt like I could relate to their experiences. I laughed, cried, and didn’t want their story to end. This was a book that I couldn’t put down once I started reading, and highly recommend this to anyone who enjoys memoirs. Their love story is a beautiful representation of life, love, and the losses we suffer as human beings trying to find our way in the world.
I want to give a huge thank you to NetGalley.com, author, Shelley Saywell and Penguin Random House Canada (Adult) | Random House Canada for the opportunity to read the advanced reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
I absolutely loved this story. I personally felt like I could relate to their experiences. I laughed, cried, and didn’t want their story to end. This was a book that I couldn’t put down once I started reading, and highly recommend this to anyone who enjoys memoirs. Their love story is a beautiful representation of life, love, and the losses we suffer as human beings trying to find our way in the world.
I want to give a huge thank you to NetGalley.com, author, Shelley Saywell and Penguin Random House Canada (Adult) | Random House Canada for the opportunity to read the advanced reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
January 13, 2026
I received a copy of this memoir from the publisher via NetGalley.
This tells the story of Shelley and Daniel, who met at boarding school in Japan and fell in love, but things went wrong and they lost touch. Then 30 years later they find each other again and enjoy 12 years together before Daniel dies of cancer. This is not a spoiler - the time frames of the narrative are blended throughout. I think this effect is an important part of what the author was trying to say, but at times (especially at the beginning) it could be confusing - certainly the formatting of my ARC often concealed where one memory ended and another began.
This was moving and read as very real - the scene describing how Shelley and Daniel broke up as 18 year olds felt excruciating and relatable. While the thrust of the memoir was about love and grief, I learnt a lot about Asia during this period. I wish Shelley well.
This tells the story of Shelley and Daniel, who met at boarding school in Japan and fell in love, but things went wrong and they lost touch. Then 30 years later they find each other again and enjoy 12 years together before Daniel dies of cancer. This is not a spoiler - the time frames of the narrative are blended throughout. I think this effect is an important part of what the author was trying to say, but at times (especially at the beginning) it could be confusing - certainly the formatting of my ARC often concealed where one memory ended and another began.
This was moving and read as very real - the scene describing how Shelley and Daniel broke up as 18 year olds felt excruciating and relatable. While the thrust of the memoir was about love and grief, I learnt a lot about Asia during this period. I wish Shelley well.
February 16, 2026
Started and almost finished this memoir on a flight into and out of Tokyo. A 17-year-old Canadian boarder at an international school meets the white Japanese-raised son of American missionaries, embarking on a relationship of longing, first love, loss and then love found and renewed when they meet again decades later. Saywell, now an accomplished documentary filmmaker, weaves their past and present together through a collection of memories, letters and old diary entries that feels like a therapeutic exercise in emotional excavation, penance and grief, for unfortunately their relationship has an unhappy ending. Especially appreciated the details of life in Japan in the seventies and the tertiary details of lifelong friends met during a significant time in the author’s life. It goes without saying, but in the immortal words of James Taylor: “shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.”
February 25, 2026
This lovely story (autobiography) was an absolute pleasure to read.
I think many readers who've often wondered about their first love...the 'what if' you took another path in life, did you miss out on what could've been etc, will find this book very relatable.
Because I didn't read the book jacket, there were subjects in the book that I had not expected...but they definitely evoked alot of different emotions, as parts of her story were parts that resonated with me. I hadn't expected to feel so many different emotions throughout the story.
Grief, sadness, happiness and a bit of melancholy.
Heartbreaking yet heartwarming.
The only issue I struggled with was the alternating time lines... normally I'm okay with that but I think because it was about 4 timelines, I had to keep going back to earlier chapters to re-read the current timeline I was in order to recall specific moments.
It truly was a beautiful love story, ❤️
I think many readers who've often wondered about their first love...the 'what if' you took another path in life, did you miss out on what could've been etc, will find this book very relatable.
Because I didn't read the book jacket, there were subjects in the book that I had not expected...but they definitely evoked alot of different emotions, as parts of her story were parts that resonated with me. I hadn't expected to feel so many different emotions throughout the story.
Grief, sadness, happiness and a bit of melancholy.
Heartbreaking yet heartwarming.
The only issue I struggled with was the alternating time lines... normally I'm okay with that but I think because it was about 4 timelines, I had to keep going back to earlier chapters to re-read the current timeline I was in order to recall specific moments.
It truly was a beautiful love story, ❤️
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 18, 2025
I was fortunate to be given the chance to read Shelley Saywell’s deeply personal and beautifully written memoir in advance of its launch. In twists of time and locations, Saywell takes the reader on a journey that often feels as familiar as a memory, yet as illusive as trying to catch a dream. It is an inspiring story of her courage, tenacity and devotion that keep her love of Daniel alive no matter the distance or tragedy. Anyone who has ever experienced the electric connection of first love will feel the heart surges again, as the pages of If Only Love reveal a compelling story that touches the most primal fragments of our hearts.
Review of advance copy
I'm so fortunate to receive a copy of this memoir before the publication date (love my mom's job). It was honestly so heart-wrenching, so pure, and really showed the true reality of the impact that health issues have on our lives and those that we love. I found myself completely drawn into the love story, the way it was so real and raw, the kind of love that makes your heart ache because you know how fragile life can be. Shelly Saywell captures not just the joy of being in love, but also the pain of knowing it can be cut short. Everyone, remember to cherish every moment with the people you care about, because you never know what can happen tomorrow.
March 17, 2026
I'm sitting here after just finishing the last words of this beautiful love story; there were so many correlations in my own life and in my own love story, save for loss. It made me feel nostalgic for my youth yet so grateful for where I am today and all that I have. This book came at just the right time as most books do. It is one of those books that I never wanted to end, so many tears yet so much love for such a life well lived and a love so deep. Thank you for this Shelley Saywell; it was a privilege for you to let us in on this part of your life.
January 25, 2026
As wonderful and heartfelt fiction romances are, there is something special about a real life love story. There is also the added bonus of the author being Canadian and close proximity to me. The Toronto chapters took on added significance because of this. I have always loved romance stories that go back and forth between past and present and all points in-between. I also like the author sprinkling in some of the experiences of film making while in the Middle East.
January 28, 2026
I really liked this story of second chances and multiple timelines. Different than other reads - typically you'll get 2 timelines but this one has 3 - Shelley dealing wih the grief of losing Daniel, Shelly reconnecting with Daniel 15 years prior to his death, Shelley falling in love with Daniel in high school. They met in a boarding school in China - so fascinating to read about.
Read
February 16, 2026I am so glad that I picked this one up yesterday from all the books waiting for me to read.
This was perfectly perfect. A love story for the ages focusing on three things: Love. Loss. Hope.
Captivating. Beautifully written. With a very cinematic feel to it (big surprise, not)
One of the best books I’ve read in a while.
Highly recommended.
This was perfectly perfect. A love story for the ages focusing on three things: Love. Loss. Hope.
Captivating. Beautifully written. With a very cinematic feel to it (big surprise, not)
One of the best books I’ve read in a while.
Highly recommended.
January 15, 2026
I have just read this amazing memoir of second chance love, and loss. Shelley Saywell has bared her soul, no stone unturned, the mark of a real writer. An enjoyable read, thought Heather Reisman, she made it a “Heather’s Pick.”
February 12, 2026
Achingly beautiful, and so achingly sad. I loved everything about this book, especially them - Daniel/Pete & Shelley. (I would love to see this as a feature film. I would love to give Shelley a big hug too.)
March 21, 2026
This book would perhaps be most appreciated by someone working through grief or who can identify with a long lost love kind of scenario. I enjoyed the anecdote about the visit to the potter's studio; that's rare old-school teaching.
January 15, 2026
Beautifully written memoir of lost and found. I read in two sittings. Had trouble putting it down. And oh what a full life Shelley has had. Highly recommend for the romantic in all of use. ❤️
January 25, 2026
What an extraordinary story. The author really describes well the emotion of losing your spouse in the way she goes back and forth from the toast to the present.
January 26, 2026
4.5 ⭐ such a touching story and I love how she gives us flashbacks of what happened in the past, read it in 2 days I couldn't put it down
February 3, 2026
Beautiful ❤️
February 21, 2026
A very raw memoir, and very heart wrenching. The author puts herself out there completely. So many lost years. I hope her future turns out well.
March 7, 2026
A beautiful reminder that love shows up and keeps showing up regardless of time and distance and even loss. A powerful reminder of what it means to be human 💖
March 14, 2026
Absolutely beautiful and heartfelt and moving
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews