The Ump

by Bob Merz

A mild-mannered family lawyer undergoes a hilarious and bewildering transformation into a comically authoritarian umpire when he dons the official uniform, forcing him to confront the surprising power of authority and self-discovery.

James N. Grossman embodies suburban Philadelphia tranquility. He's a kind, soft-spoken family lawyer whose days are filled with mediating minor immigration disputes and patiently explaining child custody agreements. His evenings are devoted to quiet dinners with his equally unassuming wife and tackling crossword puzzles. He's never bent a rule and is known for his thoughtful demeanor.

This placid existence is upended when his teenage daughter suggests he volunteer for the local high school girls' softball league, which is desperately in need of umpires. Reluctantly and with much trepidation, James agrees to fill in for a season.

The moment he slips into the stiff, deep blue umpire uniform—complete with chest protector, shin guards, and face mask—something remarkable happens. The gentle James vanishes, replaced by "The Ump"; a strict, unyielding, and comically authoritarian figure who applies the rulebook with the unwavering precision of a laser-guided missile.

He calls strikes that barely nick the corner, ejects coaches for minor infractions, and demands absolute adherence to every obscure bylaw of high school softball. The girls, accustomed to lax officiating, are bewildered and often intimidated, while opposing teams and parents are left stupefied by his uncompromising calls.

When out of uniform, James is perplexed by "The Ump's" behavior, yet feels powerless to stop the transformation. Since he is umpiring away from his home neighborhood district, his family and friends are unaware of his split personality. One summer day, his wife and college-age kids secretly attend one of his games, hiding in the outfield with other parents. They are shocked at his behavior and leave mid-game, confronting him later at home.

The story follows James's increasingly frantic attempts to reconcile his two personas, leading to hilarious on-field confrontations, unexpected self-discoveries, and ultimately, a poignant understanding of fairness, authority, and the surprising power of a uniform.

156 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 11, 2025

Reviews

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the story and how well it was written. This is about what feelings overcome you when you put on a uniform and how to conquer them.

[Ron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to LibraryThings, Values of America Publishing, and author Bob Merz for giving me the opportunity to read and review this book. A special thank you to Mr. Merz for signing my book.

This book is touted as a novella. It's a fun and short read. I was going to give it 4 out of 5 stars but after the change to the main character at the end it will get five. So, in my view, this book hit a home run.

The start of the book was slow but picked up after the first few chapters. You could say it was a kind of a Jeykell and Hyde story, the way James Grossman transforms from a mild manner lawyer to a domineering umpire. He later learns what it really takes to be an ump. I will admit that while reading the parts where Grossman was overstepping his authority while working as the ump, I found myself getting angry at the character even though it was a tongue-in-cheek moment. I personally found it hard to put down wanting to know what ridiculous calls he was going to make next.

I will have to point out a couple of things. First, when the main character is putting on the "umps" outfit for the first time, there could have been a funny take on him having to use an athletic cup for the game. Missed opportunity? Then there was the use of the word "crack" of the bat. Unless they softball players were using "wood" bats (highly unlikely) you wouldn't get a "crack" but a "ping" or "clank" from an aluminum type bat. I know, the word crack sounds better.

The author is very descriptive in telling the story of The Ump. Step up to home plate and read it.

*I read a print copy of this book.

[Elif · Rating 4 out of 5]

I want to thank to LibraryThing and to Bob Merz sending me a signed copy of the book.
We read transformation of Esq. James Grossman becoming the Umpire for high school games.
Enjoyed the story.

[nx74defiant · Rating 2 out of 5]

Odd formatting. Paragraphs are not indented. Large spaces between the paragraphs. The writing had an almost poetic feel. It felt disjointed trying to read it. I found it distracting.

[Bridgette · Rating 5 out of 5]

*well-written, easy to read
*story will keep the reader engaged
*impactful story and a very quick read
*highly recommend