How Deep Is the Wound?: A Guide to Investigating, Understanding, and Resolving Your Emotional Pain

by Antonieta Contreras

Finally, a Clear Path Through the Confusion of Modern Trauma Language

If you've ever wondered whether your struggles "count" as trauma, felt overwhelmed by conflicting mental health advice, or questioned why some healing approaches work for others but not for you—this book offers the clarity you've been seeking. Today's mental health conversations have reduced the rich complexity of human suffering into a single box labeled "trauma," used for both devastating life-altering experiences and everyday disappointments—a confusion that serves no one well. This tendency leaves people either minimizing genuine injuries or pathologizing normal life challenges.

Antonieta Contreras introduces an approach that distinguishes different types of psychological wounds based on their actual depth and impact on your nervous system. Drawing from years of clinical practice, extensive research, and personal recovery, she provides the missing understanding to accurately assess your experiences and match them with effective strategies.

You'll discover the differences

Emotional Pain: Hurts that sting but don't fundamentally alter your systemEmotional Wounds: Deeper impacts that linger after the initial hurtTraumatization: The active process of seeking safetyTrauma: Deep injuries that rewire how you perceive the worldLearn why using a hammer for surgery or a scalpel for construction both create problems—and how matching your healing approach to your actual wound depth accelerates recovery while preventing unnecessary suffering.

Discover how to honor your pain without being defined by it, moving from identity-based labels toward agency-focused growth that reclaims your power to heal and thrive. This book examines how your unique nervous system responds to overwhelm.

Real-World Applications

Assess childhood experiences accurately without minimizing or catastrophizingRecognize trauma bonding and attachment wounds that keep you from living fullyUnderstand why some relationships feel impossible to leaveNavigate narcissistic abuse and emotional manipulationDistinguish between healthy processing and rumination that reinforces painBuild genuine resilience based on nervous system regulationThis book is

Anyone confused about whether their experiences constitute "trauma"People who've tried multiple healing approaches without lasting resultsIndividuals stuck in cycles of pain, insecurity, lack of motivation or satisfaction, or relationship difficultiesThose seeking to understand childhood experiences and their adult impactAnyone wanting to move beyond victim identity toward empowered recoveryMental health professionals seeking more nuanced assessment tools and practical exercises for their clientsWhen you understand the actual depth of your wounds, you can choose interventions that match their severity. This prevents both under-treatment that leaves you unresolved and over-treatment that creates unnecessary pathology. You will spend less time on ineffective approaches and focus your energy on strategies that are effective for your specific situation.

327 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 9, 2025

About the author

Antonieta Contreras, a former banker originally educated as a mathematician, is a trauma psychotherapist who graduated with a Master’s in Social Work from NYU. After forming her clinical skills as a gestalt therapist and training at agencies with highly traumatized people, she received a specialization in Trauma Studies from the Institute of Contemporary Psychotherapies (ICP) and in Human Sexuality from NYU School of Medicine. She maintains a private practice where she combines different trauma modalities, as well as the contemplative techniques that she learned from studying within Buddhist traditions. She has been a consultant, supervisor, and faculty at ICP, where she spent several years building and teaching the curriculum of a postgraduate program to train clinicians in becoming trauma therapists. She also teaches sexual trauma at NYU, runs EMDR groups toward certification, frequently interacts with followers who seek out her answers about traumatization online and has given talks in hospitals, agencies, and universities to create awareness about trauma.

Reviews

[Brian · Rating 5 out of 5]

**This book is an ARC provided by Reedsy Discovery **

How Deep is the Wound sets out to describe emotional pain and trauma. It separates the two and explains the differences. This is important because they are treated differently and have different physiological and psychological effects.

As someone with a master's in psychology and an additional 51 hours of graduate work in clinical counseling, I can appreciate the care and knowledge that went into this book. Every chapter is carefully written to guide lay people through understanding their emotional pains that bring adaptability and trauma that brings post traumatic growth. For instance, trauma is found in victims of abuse, crime, war, and natural disasters among other extreme cases. Emotional stress occurs after a traffic accident, a bad grade, or punishment for an action. As the author says, the former is an open, festering wound and the latter a shallow cut that heals with time and some effort.

Within each chapter are exercises that are designed to complement the subject of the chapter and the current discussion within it. These are clinically proven exercises, many of which were taught to me to use in practice. They are designed to be simple to implement and take only a few minutes. They are easy to combine into a mindfulness program that helps you to let go of immediate emotional pain. The exercises are detailed enough to be easily followed and remembered.

The actual writing is excellent. The author does not talk down to the readers. This makes it accessible to everyone. The information is carefully laid out, and headings are presented as questions that may be occurring to you even as you read the book. Even someone like me, who has read many books on trauma and its effects, learned from this book.

Based on my educational knowledge and the overall readability of the book, I give it five stars. I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone.

[ಸುಶಾಂತ ಕುರಂದವಾಡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a nice book received recently. I have read many books about mental health and psychological issues that one has to go through in their life. This book belongs to that category. The book deals with psychological/mental health of a person and how deeply it can go through. From this book, what we can learn is somehow we can overcome with physical health but coming out of mental health is very difficult. That person has to suffer a lot. Such topics are being discussed very nicely in this book. Author also provides solutions on how they can come out of that stigma. Highly recommended for people in this generation since many have same thoughts going through same problems.

[Arshiya Sultana · Rating 5 out of 5]

It offers a nuanced approach to understanding trauma, distinguishing between different types of psychological wounds and providing effective strategies for healing. It helps readers accurately assess their experiences and match them with suitable interventions, promoting empowered recovery and resilience.

I absolutely loved this book and will definitely get a physical copy of it. Such a well-informed, well-researched and highly informative book! Kudos to the author>>>

We live in a world where even a minor inconvenience is often termed as trauma, and this book points that out and explains us what trauma actually means and how to deal with it. I particularly loved the page setting, the infographs, the exercises… everything is top notch!

Overall, a must read. Highly recommended to literally everyone.

Thanks to @Booktasters and the author for the e-copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Jithendra Jithu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book Review: How Deep Is the Wound? by Antonieta Contreras

Antonieta Contreras’ How Deep Is the Wound? is a masterclass in understanding the complexity of emotional suffering and the many layers that make up our psychological experiences. This book offers readers a profound and much-needed distinction between emotional pain, emotional wounds, traumatization, and trauma—four states that are often carelessly conflated in modern mental health discussions. Contreras approaches her subject with both academic depth and human empathy, refusing to reduce the intricate nature of human emotion to a single label. Instead, she builds a structured framework that helps readers recognize the real depth of their inner struggles, offering clarity where there has often been confusion.

At its core, this book dismantles the misconception that all forms of distress are trauma. Contreras explains that emotional pain is a natural and even necessary part of the human experience—it stings but does not fundamentally alter who we are. Emotional wounds, however, leave deeper marks that may linger long after the initial hurt. Traumatization represents the body and mind’s ongoing attempt to seek safety, while trauma itself reflects a more profound rewiring of how one perceives the world. This categorization is not just theoretical; it becomes the foundation for a healing process that is both intelligent and compassionate. By aligning the type of pain with the appropriate form of intervention, Contreras gives readers permission to stop over-pathologizing normal human experiences while also ensuring that deeper wounds receive the care they truly deserve.

What truly distinguishes How Deep Is the Wound? is its practicality. Contreras translates complex psychological concepts into everyday language, ensuring accessibility without compromising depth. She teaches readers how to recognize trauma bonding, navigate emotional manipulation, and identify patterns that keep them trapped in cycles of pain and confusion. The guidance is never abstract; it is grounded in real-life application. The book equips readers to evaluate their childhood experiences, understand their adult relationships, and discern the difference between healthy emotional processing and rumination that reinforces suffering. Through exercises, reflections, and relatable examples, Contreras empowers readers to take a more active role in their own healing journey.

Beyond its psychological insights, this book delivers a message of empowerment and personal responsibility. Contreras rejects the extremes of both toxic positivity and perpetual victimhood. She acknowledges pain as real and deserving of attention while emphasizing that healing lies in agency, not identity. Her approach invites readers to collaborate with their nervous system rather than fight against it, fostering resilience, self-compassion, and emotional regulation. By the end of the book, readers are not left with mere theories but with tangible tools to build safety, establish boundaries, and reconnect with themselves in a healthier, more balanced way.

How Deep Is the Wound? is a rare combination of intellect and heart, science and soul. It is written with precision but also with warmth and respect for the reader’s journey. Whether you are a mental health professional, someone navigating unresolved emotional pain, or simply a person seeking deeper self-understanding, this book offers a map for navigating the intricate terrain of human emotion. It reminds us that healing is not about denying pain but about learning to meet it with wisdom, courage, and compassion. Contreras has created not just a manual for recovery but a transformative text that redefines what it means to heal and to truly know oneself.

[Likely Story · Rating 5 out of 5]

What struck me first about How Deep is the Wound? is how directly it speaks to a cultural moment we’re living through. Everywhere you look—on social media, in everyday conversations, even among children—you hear the word “trauma” tossed around casually. Contreras doesn’t dismiss the pain behind those words, but she challenges the reflex to label every difficult experience as traumatic. That nuance is refreshing. Too often, books about emotional pain fall into one of two camps: either they minimize suffering or they overpathologize it. This book carves out a thoughtful middle space.

I appreciated how practical the writing felt without losing its warmth. Contreras weaves clinical knowledge with relatable metaphors—likening emotions to a child tugging at their mother’s arm until they escalate into a tantrum if ignored. She grounds her points in both neuroscience and lived experience, yet never drifts into inaccessible jargon. Reading it felt less like being lectured to and more like being accompanied by someone who has walked alongside many others on similar journeys.

Another strength is the book’s insistence on adaptation as a concept alongside resilience. That idea—that we aren’t just built to “bounce back” but to actively adjust and grow through challenges—stuck with me long after I put the book down. It reframes emotional pain not as proof of damage but as evidence that our systems are trying to reorganize and teach us something. In a world that rewards quick fixes and tidy labels, this felt like a radical but necessary reminder.

Of course, not every reader will agree with Contreras’s critique of “trauma culture.” Some might feel that drawing distinctions between trauma and emotional wounds risks invalidating their struggles. But I think that’s where the book’s heart really lies: in showing that recognizing the spectrum of emotional pain doesn’t diminish suffering—it clarifies it. For me, the takeaway was hopeful rather than minimizing: our wounds may run deep, but they are not all catastrophic, and understanding the difference is itself empowering.

See the full review here: https://likelystory.blog/2025/09/26/r...

[Priyanka Kedia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think How Deep is the Wound by Antonieta Contreras is a very important and timely book, especially for this day and age where we don't think twice before labelling things. This books gives your tools to access your mental health and reframe it in a way that does not rely on extremities, something that is so bad that it cannot be addressed but rather approaches it from a solution focused perspective. She look at terminology that has become common parlance - trauma, wound, healing, and so on and talks about the real meaning behind those words. She uses both, science as well as human stories and examples to show how one can deal with their own issues without letting it consume their lives. The book was accessible as it was practical, and not only something that I would be recommending to people, but also something that I will keep coming back to, because that's the kind of attention it deserves.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

How Deep Is the Wound?: A Guide to Investigating, Understanding, and Resolving Your Emotional Pain” is one of the best books I’ve read this year on the subject of trauma. The author’s ability to make complex concepts accessible and understandable was a relief. She explained the boundaries between trauma and non-trauma, ensuring that readers gain a comprehensive understanding of the issue. The most valuable part of this book lies in the clear and practical techniques and practices that the author provides. These techniques empower readers to create a safe space for self-reflection and insight. The information presented is presented in a gentle yet firm manner, recognizing the unique nature of each situation. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone seeking a comprehensive and effective self-help guide to healing and understanding trauma.

[Phin Ejike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! What a well-researched, nuanced, and highly helpful read!

How Deep is The Wound? is a guidebook to understanding and resolving emotional wounds and trauma. In 433 pages, Antonietta Contreras explains in detail, the differences between emotional distress, wounds, traumatisation, and actual trauma. She cuts through the modern noise, explaining to us how to identify real trauma, and how to address all forms of emotional pain. But what I like the most is that she gives actionable, practical steps that one may receive from a mental health professional, all within this handy book.

This was truly one of the most practical and interesting books I’ve come across in a while, and I will certainly be rereading it often.

[Constance · Rating 5 out of 5]

Antonieta Contreras’ How Deep Is The Wound is an eye-opening deep dive into trauma, emotional responses, and their symptoms in everyday life. Using language that average readers can understand, Contreras breaks down a field that is often over complicated or over simplified, democratizing the healing process. She lets readers know that our pain is real, and while not all emotional pain is trauma, they all need to be responded to, albeit in different ways.

Reading this book is enlightening and, in a way, even freeing. It was good to finally see someone who understands my pain adequately, and even better to receive guidance on how to process the pain.

[Caroline Johnston · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second book of this author that I have read and I continue to enjoy her highly researched and evidenced based approach to healing trauma and other emotional wounds. This is a fantastic book to understand the symptoms that result from alterations in our nervous system due to emotional pain or fear. I appreciated the exercises as well as the explanations. I have learned a lot, and I feel prepared to improve my own life as well as the life of my clients. Highly recommend!

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

“How deep is the wound?” Is a great read! It does a great job of talking about trauma and emotions as well as offering understanding and advice for those in similar situations and how to navigate all of those feelings.
I highly recommend this book.