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246 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2025
And so, when she fell pregnant, Vera was returned to the ineffable reassurance that such a person [from a blog she'd previously followed] — and the internet — could offer. The blogs were still active, though many now had transformed into video blogs on YouTube or pages on Facebook or, later, accounts on Instagram. Vera's pregnancy coincided with the ubiquity of social media accounts, particularly those associated with food or health or the more sweeping and nonspecific lifestyle theme. The posts in these formats were more intimate, the details more minute. She could not believe how much of their life some people were willing to share with strangers. A life laid bare, almost a diary with accompanying photos or videos.
She read and watched posts by young mothers, mothers to be, experts in infancy or toddlerhood or childhood, specialists in gut health and nutrition, sleep consultants, behavioural scientists and even qualified doctors who had branched out into online advice. (p.51)
And because her mother's illness is older even than Thea, she doesn't question its existence. She doesn't question how her mother feels about it, as though to do this would be to ask about some fundamental, fixed aspect of her person - as if to ask why her hair is brown, why her hands are shaped the way they are.
He says that he didn't study for ten years to have Vera believe one anecdote held the miraculous answer.
With her constant presence online, there was a kind of knowing, almost welcome flagellation at play. She could stop any time, she didn't want to stop. She could see the manipulation, the curation; she wouldn't be fooled.
She was an educated woman, she believed in science, she valued rationality. Yet there was a question of how strong those qualities really were when squared up against one's desperations and desires. She did not always know why she believed some things and discredited others, and why certain people held particular sway over her beliefs.
She doubted her body's capacity. This caused Vera to live in perpetual awareness of the body's primacy in matters of fate, and of how difficult it was to actually make a difference by force of effort or will.
When Thea says to her, 'Why do I have to take all this stuff?' and Vera replies, 'Because it will help you', she does not want to think that she is complicit in a lie, or at least something she can't prove to be true, proponent of a belief she does not have full confidence in. If anything, it is essential to strengthen her resolve and her faith in what she demands of her daughter.
...the internet draws this side out of us: the spy, the copycat, the aspirant, the quiet liar.