Too Close to Me: The Middle-Aged Consequences of Revealing a Child Called "It"

by Dave Pelzer

In the blockbuster autobiography A Child Called “It,” Dave Pelzer shared the story of his childhood—one of the most dramatic and extreme stories of child abuse ever prosecuted in the state of California. As a child, Pelzer was beaten, starved, and abused both emotionally and physically by his alcoholic and mentally unstable mother. As a man, Pelzer went on to have love, happiness, a fulfilling career, and his own family.

To many, Pelzer seemed to have found his happy ending. But for a child abuse survivor, living a normal adult life carries challenges and complications above and beyond those faced by most people. This book, the fifth in Pelzer’s nonfiction series, provides an honest and courageous look at the difficulties inherent in marriage, parenthood, work, and life from the perspective of someone who survived horrific physical and emotional terrors as a child—and who seeks to meet the responsibilities and complications of adult life with love, strength, and an open heart.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, True Crime, Biography, Psychology, Mental Illness

242 pages, Hardcover

First published August 22, 2014

About the author

An author best known for his 1995 memoir of childhood abuse, A Child Called It.

At the age of 12, Dave was removed from an abusive home and placed in a series of foster homes. In 1979, he joined the Air Force and later became an author of memoirs and self-improvement books.

A CHILD CALLED "IT" IS COMING TO THE BIG SCREEN.

August 2017 - We are very excited to announce that writer/producer David Goldblum of Conscious Contact Productions has acquired the film rights to Dave Pelzer's, #1 New York Times bestselling book, A Child Called “IT” which was on the New York Times Best Sellers List for a record breaking six years. Tamlin Hall, whose film Holden On has won multiple awards around the country is attached to direct. Dave Pelzer is adapting the screenplay alongside Goldblum and Hall. The movie is in pre-production, with production set to begin in Spring 2018. A-List talent are already circling the project. Be sure and follow us on Facebook and Instagram for updates. https://www.facebook.com/AChildCalled....

Reviews

[Kelley Stoneking · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a survivor of child abuse who is now middle-aged, I hoped that this book would give insights to help me continue on my personal journey of continued growth and healing. At first, I wasn't sure I could continue reading this book. Its beginning and middle were extremely frustrating for me, as Dave kept giving more and more to everyone....feeling responsible for everyone's feelings and continuing to place so much of the blame on himself. The end, however, had him recognizing boundaries and putting his mother's ghost to rest, which is exactly why I wanted to read the book. This actually receives 3 1/2 stars from me.

I am a firm believer that telling my story only furthers my healing and ultimately helps the soul of my abuser.

[Ubiquitousbastard · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, so I really have mixed feelings on this one. And (I guess in the same vein as the author) I feel bad about some of my thoughts.

What stuck out to me the most was the extreme black and white mentality throughout the book. Yes, there are good and bad parts of life but "evil" and "good" are words thrown around like I'm in a comic book. Even when Pelzer describes his Mother (not even going to mention the irritation I accumulated with the constant capitalization like she's Norman Bates' mother) she is either a hellspawn or maybe could have been a good person if she just didn't feel so trapped. It's as if Pelzer can't understand the emotions of others and how they can be complicated and unpredictable.

I also was less than impressed with his narrative which seemed to scream "look at me, I'm a martyr." Yes, child abuse sucks, but that doesn't mean that you were the victim your entire life. Writing about how you blamed yourself for relationship failures is not the same thing as understanding your responsibility in the situation. Overall, I suppose that I'm saying Pelzer feels extremely immature for a middle-aged man.

However, I did give this three stars. Although there were many flaws, Pelzer does address very real issues and embraces all emotions. Some parts of the book felt forced or fake, but the underlying messages and the situations seemed to ring true with me. (Not the religious parts, but the themes of connection.) His conflicted feelings for his family were conveyed well. Really, I cannot point to the one aspect of this book which elevated it about two stars for me, at least in consideration of my complaints.

[Koren · Rating 3 out of 5]

I so wanted Dave to have a happy life after being rescued from a childhood of horrific abuse by his mother, but alas, this is not to be. He continues to struggle with relationships (2 failed marriages and still estranged from his brothers). I gave this book 3 stars because of the repetition of telling us about his abusive mother, which he has told us in his other books, although if you haven't read A Child Called It, you maybe dont already know about this. There were very little uplifting moments and he dwells too much on the people that dont believe he is telling the truth and his difficulties with getting his book published. If he writes another book, I hope he has found peace and happiness in his life.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pen to paper, revealing one's abused childhood can be cathartic and healing. An act of courage, revealing family secrets and facing repercussions for dragging skeletons out of the closet. Yes, David was horribly abused, but "luckily" was saved/removed from abusers in the 5th grade. His story is not all that unique/shocking, as child abuse is rampant in the US. As an adult he tried to outrun his past by being the best he could become, frantically helping others, but couldn't escape his demonic Mother in thoughts and dreams. Although in his fifties and successful, he tries to convey that he's finally come to terms with his demons ... but his stilted writing style suggests otherwise. The words he chooses read as cold and flat as a training manual. I wish him peace.

[Margie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not a book that is pleasant to read. What Dave went through as a child from his mother and having his father ignore what was happening, is terrible. It left him with lasting trauma but it made him into a caring person who wanted to help others, even though it hurt his marriages and parts of his life.

[Ginae B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've read, A Child Called "It," then, you want closure. You want to know how author Dave Pelzer fared as an adult, considering the childhood hell that he survived and while there were other Dave Pelzer books between, "It," and Too Close to Me, this is the one that gave us what we needed.

However, we had to read the first 16 chapters to get this closure.

The last two sentences of chapter 16 read thusly;

I shuddered from the realization that all my nightmares had little to do with my deviant antagonist. They had always been about me and what I brought into my own creations.

This was the definitively pivotal moment when Pelzer began healing. He began forgiving. He began living, rather than chasing after something. He also realized his worth, without knowing it on every level. It was a realization so intense that it helped him to change his life for the better.

Every word prior to those last two sentences was a hellish re-living of events. We state this not out of criticism. Rather, we state this to celebrate this man's growth. Again. We read Pelzer's first book and it wasn't enough. Sighing. We wanted closure. We got it. - See more at: http://www.ginaesays.com/2015/06/book...

[Martha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had read many of this author's other works and was curious how he was doing now. As anyone would after his traumatic life, he struggles and has terrible dreams and flashbacks. I was happy to see he has found some peace and happiness. That is all any of us seek and deserve. I am still appalled at his horrible abuse and I can't fathom how he can even have the kindness to pray for those who tortured him. The chapter where he visited the injured Marines really got to me. His books are not "easy" to read but will stay with you emotionally forever.

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book from Goodreads for an honest review. This is the fifth book Mr. Pelzer has written.

David Pelzer was emotionally and physically abused for years as a child. This abuse took a great toll on his childhood and adult life. Three marriages, two divorces, and one wonderful son.

This book is disturbing and gloomy. I wasn't going to finish. I felt much better for Mr. Pelzer's welfare after reading the chapter Reconcile and the Epilogue.

Mr. Pelzer is an Air Force Veteran and has received many awards. He is currently a Volunteer Certified Firefighter.

[Gale · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I rate on my respect forDave Pelzer, there will never be enough stars. I appreciate his self-discovery here and commend him for it, wishing him only the very best of life. Though I gave his other books 5 stars, I did not rate this book as high since I see it's value more as self-worth and self-discovery and how to use what he learned as a middle-aged adult rather than as literature for others.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting motivational book. Makes me want to read his first book. Not sure I agree with all that he professes, but then it works for him. It shows how we all need to choose our own paths, and ultimately be accountable just to ourselves.

[Rachel Devlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read all of Daves other books and must say that this book brings them all together. His struggles, his accomplishments, and finally some sort of peace that will last the remainder of his days. I thank you for your contribution to the world Dave.

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never going to forget meeting this man, and hope he continues to find peace.

[Skyler Stamper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Read!


This will conclude his other books in a great way! I hope everyone reads these books eventually! God bless everyone!

[Debbie Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

How this man is able to function after what he endured is a mystery to me. What an inspiration he is to anyone facing adversity.

[Tracy Schillemore · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was ok. Some of it seemed rather slow and a few parts a bit repetitive. Towards the end I found myself skimming through pages a bit.

[Melodi Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book

Another heart wrenching story, hard to put down. As a grown man, he appears to finally conquer his life and relax enough to finally enjoy life.

[Yvette Calleiro · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the first three books by Dave Pelzer years ago, so when my friend met him and received this book, I immediately stole it from him so that I could read it. This book had more of a reflective feel, which makes perfect sense since Mr. Pelzer is now older and has a better grasp of his life and the actions that he has taken over the past decades. It wasn't as riveting as the other books, but I still felt it was worth the read. Life for Mr. Pelzer has been horrible at times, and even in the aftermath, he has still had to struggle with memories, thoughts, dreams and insecurities. This book shows how he dealt with those moments and how he (hopefully) has found a sense of peace in his life. I wouldn't recommend reading this book before the others. This book just wouldn't have the same impact unless you understand what the author truly went through growing up.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read most of Pelzer's books, and I've read them all the same way: voraciously--both as a fellow survivor of childhood abuse (but never on the level that he endured) and as a teacher (mandated reporter) of young children. Pelzer not only tells a completely compelling and engrossing true story but has gone on to be an inspiration to others, selflessly (sometimes too selflessly) helping survivors of abuse, inspiring teachers and others to bravely make that call to social services and try like hell to intervene on behalf of a defenseless child, and most of all to represent resiliency and personal responsibility. If you are not yet familiar with Dave Pelzer, start with his first book, "A Child Called 'It'."

[Roger Gaboury · Rating 5 out of 5]

A perfect bookend for A Child Called “It.” How did revealing such a personal family story affect relationships with his brothers, his uncles and aunts, his grandmother, and his own relationships and life? Beautifully relayed through a framing device of a special memory of his Mom hugging him on a trip to the Russian River (which I rediscovered with new meaning at the end of Ch 2 in ACCI), Dave recounts experiences from his past book as recollections from a middle-aged man. As with all of his work, Dave shares his stories to teach us his own discoveries of loving and living a happy resilient life.

[Debbie Westerman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can sympathise with Dave coming to terms with his past history with his mother, he's also having to come to terms with 2 failed marriages. As to why his brother, Stephen, didn't accept what happened baffles me, his other brothers closed their eyes or just didn't want to accept that their mother was evil person as Dave has described here & his other books. I've still to make my mind up on the book, all of his problems has been bottled up for far to long so he hasn't let go of his demons until recently

[Raquel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Goes through his journey. Mentions personal relationships, his family, job, speaking, volunteer work, and his highs and lows. Talks about how a lot of crazy people contacted him and about people who think he lied and invented it all since it was so crazy.
Some did not seem grammatically correct.
He goes back and forth so it's a bit confusing what part happened when. A time-line or having the years written would help.
I liked the ending of him coming to realize it was himself who held on.

[Jennifer Reynolds · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dave Pelzer and his life never cease to amaze me. Always brought to tears reading of the horrible childhood he had to endure but he is definitely a testament to what God can do in your life. For a person to endure and forgive is a beautiful think. Let me forgive others of their trespasses as you have forgiven me of my trespasses. Keep doing God's work Dave!

[Bobbi · Rating 5 out of 5]

still reading but like the other books one of the best but wish it would not keep going back to things that you said before in other books. i love the redemption chapter when you went visit our men and women of our great military who served but sadly in medical centers for variety of reasons. i still love your books dave

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

David Pelzer continues to inspire

Combining a synopsis of the first 3 books and current events and feelings was a great idea for this story. Told in a way that if you haven't read the first 3 you have a solid idea of his childhood and the others will fall right behind.

[Gary Myers · Rating 4 out of 5]

For me, parts of this were a tough read, to the extent that I did a lot of skimming, mostly in the earlier sections where his terrible mother treated him so badly. Fortunately he overcame all that & became a very giving person.

[Renee bonner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to read

[Mark Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably my fault as a read second book before first book as local library only had second book! But it was hard going reading this book and gave up!

[Lynn Cansler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a tragic childhood and a life trying to reconcile the losses he experienced.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having read the first two books written by the author, I was excited to receive this book as a prize from a giveaway at Goodreads. Though I was familiar with the author's childhood through his previous works, this book also presented the history of his family and the abuse without reliving the entirety of what he went through as a child. It was revisited in certain sections of the author's story when necessary, but the book wasn't so much about all the details of what he went through. Instead it was about how coming forward and dealing with what happened affected his life, relationships and health as an adult in this world. The author opened the book with his thoughts and feelings about his second marriage failing. By doing things the opposite way he'd done them in his first marriage, his hope was to have a better relationship with his second wife. Unfortunately, the near-ceaseless drive that carried him through most of his life began to wear on him and his marriage.

As the demise of his marriage allowed him the protection of being alone, it also gave him more time than he wanted to explore all the avenues where he'd failed and the dark recesses of his mind where the grip of the past was still very tight. The author was very open and honest about everything that occurred in his life to date, including the failings of himself and others as he viewed them. It was hard to read through the parts of the book where he delved into the past, remembering all the horrible things he endured at the hands of his mother, but they were necessary to understanding how he still had the need to impress and the desire to appease everyone. This also included both his parents, even though each were long gone and each had hurt him in different ways. The weight of all his obligations, both real and imagined, took a toll on his mind and body after so many years. They left him with panic attacks, severe nausea and tremors that frightened him more than anything because he feared that was turning into her.

While the book maintained a fairly steady pace from the opening chapter, there were a few places where I felt it slowed almost to a crawl, but picked up again within a few scenes. Life can often be like that, so it didn't surprise me that the book would follow suit since it was about the author's own life. Though the book as a whole had an impact on me, two scenes really got to me. The first came in the middle of his dealing with the divorce of his second wife. Mr. Pelzer was asked to spend some time with wounded Marines. As he spent time with each one, he had a revelation about himself which allowed him to break some of the bonds the past had on him. The interactions between he and the soldiers were poignant and heart-breaking at the same time. The second moment which stuck out in my mind was near the end of the book when he finally understood what he'd needed to change in order to move forward with his life. It was a major part in his letting go of the past and therefore, somewhat of a spoiler. You'll have to read it to see what happened.

Overall, this book hit home in a few areas. Some of present day issues mirrored my own - the overwhelming need to appease everyone, the fear of being alone though I want to be alone, and the constant need for approval. To see how they weighed on him and drove him from one extreme to another opened my eyes to what could happen in my own life if I kept on the same path. Though our pasts were different, the author and I still needed to resolve similar issues. In a way it was good to see how he went about fixing some of those issues in himself. The book gave off a sense of hope and optimism in the later chapters, making me feel like anyone could break the chains of their childhood, whether similar to the author's or not. This book should be on your TBR list if you have followed Dave Pelzer's life story and want to see another stretch of it or if you need an inspirational book where the author took a real, hard, honest look at his own self to make changes.

[Fred Donaldson]

Very positive, affirming conclusion to Dave's tortuous story.

As a person who has wrestled with the compulsion to make everything "right" I understand doing for everybody else and letting your own life, especially your inner life, be put on hold. The day of reckoning is but postponed. The author demonstrates the transformation of letting go of bitterness and not holding onto the ghosts of those who we think have us in thrall, when, upon examination, we are clinging to out of habit.n