Love Me!: One woman’s search for a different happy ever after

by Marianne Power

Can you be happy without a partnership at the centre of your life?

Society still sets the gold standard for successful living as a marriage and kids. As Marianne Power turns forty, she wonders why this is still so elusive for her and whether, in fact, this is what she even wants, or just what she feels like she should want. At first, she tries to lean into the alternatives – self-love, self-marriage, sisterhood – but is she avoiding confronting her fears about commitment, relationships and sex?

Determined to find out for sure, Marianne sets off on a journey to answer the can you have a life full of love without marriage and kids? From tantra to Skype sex, from polyamory to sologamy, Marianne’s quest takes her to some hilarious, scary and moving places – and she discovers that maybe, in these chaotic times, loving thy neighbour is more important than romantic ideals.

Honest, intimate and inspiring, Love Me! is about the freedom to envision the life you want, and finding the courage to choose it.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Self Help, Audiobook

368 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2024

Reviews

[Laetitia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've just finished my NetGalley ARC of 'Love me!' and I don't have the words yet for all the thoughts and feelings I have, let alone write a coherent review, but oh Marianne, thank you thank you THANK YOU 🙏🙏🙏 I know writing this book was a real struggle for you and I am ever so grateful you persevered. It was like reading what is inside my head, my heart, my body. Only I didn't realise it was inside me until this book. I LOOOOOVE THIS BOOK! Thank you a million times, thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Proper review will follow

Edit 01/08/2024 - Review, also posted on my Substack page (https://missdeadline.substack.com/p/l...)

'Love me!' by Marianne Power completely blew my mind. I loved everything about the book; the candor, the humor, the inspiring insights and the courage of Power to expose herself - almost literally - to her readers. Just like her earlier book 'Help me!', it’s a book that I wish I could have written myself, but for which I am extremely grateful that Marianne Power did.

Anyone who has been following my blog missdeadline.nl for a while knows that I am a big fan of the journalist and writer Marianne Power. I loved her first book - Help me! - and I also attended many sessions of her 'Writing for Fun & Sanity workshops' via Zoom, which I enjoyed a lot and found inspirational.

Her second book comes out on August 22, but I already read a review copy via NetGalley.

Her second book seemed to be subject to the dreaded second-book curse. In her writing workshops and on Instagram, she spoke openly about how difficult writing was and how much she struggled with herself.

Not surprising because the subject of book two is quite something. Marianne Power conducted in-depth self-examination into her 'status' as an eternal single and the question: can you live a life filled with love without a partner and/or children? What does it say about herself that at the age of 40 she has never had a long-term relationship and does not feel the need. What assumptions, beliefs and prejudices play a role in this, within herself and from society (where getting married and having children still seems to be the gold standard for a successful and happy life). Is singleness really what she deeply desires and what suits her best or is that thought just an illusion with which she avoids to face her fear of intimacy, sex and commitment?

Writing 'Love me!' may have been a curse, but I found the end result enchantingly beautiful. She candidly talks about her insecurities, shares her reflections and describes her experiments with tantra, Skype sex, women's circles and self-love.

Her search does not take her in a straight line from question to answer; her path is erratic and more than once she doubts previous insights or feels the need to revise former conclusions. Maybe not everyone will appreciate that, but it’s exactly what I found so beautiful and real about her story. Because who doesn't know that inner turmoil where your thoughts bounce back and forth from one extreme to the other?

Hilarious, inspiring, comforting, but also: uncomfortably honest and recognizable.

So uncomfortable that I read some chapters with bated breath of vicarious shame. For example, she talks in considerable detail about her experiences at a tantra retreat where she confronts her feelings of shame about sex and her own body. I deeply admire how she not only faces her fears, but also shares this experience with the world!

Or as I wrote in a response to Marianne on Instagram:

It was like reading what is inside my head, my heart, my body. Only I didn't realize it was inside me until this book.

And I think I won't be the only one reading 'Love me!' who will experience it that way.

As soon as I finished it, I pre-ordered three physical copies of the book; a hardcover to show off on my bookshelf, a paperback to read again and a second paperback to take notes in, because I'm sure I will want to read the book many more times. And there will probably be more copies to give away to friends.

'Love me' is an absolute must-read for those who, like Marianne and like me, have insecurities and/or socially critical questions about (romantic) love, relationships, having children and sex.

Triple 5 stars

[Niamh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read and loved Marianne Power's 'Help Me!' many years ago, but I waited to pick up this one. 'Love Me!' follows the author's journey to love, romance and sexual liberation through a real myriad of ways. Though it was not as varied as 'Help Me!' (it wasn't really the right structure for this book), I found myself enjoying this one almost as much. It was an odd sensation. At one moment, I would find myself rolling my eyes (it gets very ethereal and, for lack of a better term, 'hippy-dippy', which I don't always gel with) but at another moment, I would feel very emotional and seen by what she was experiencing and learning about herself.

I do genuinely think everybody will get something out of this book, even if it's only a small wedge of hope. You might not rush out and buy a jade egg once you've closed the covers, but I like to think it'll help you in some way. It certainly helped me.

[Sadhbh O'Sullivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this, and didn’t expect to at first. Many writers and their publishers claim to be ‘radically’ honest but this is what that really looks like. The way we can move through the world with endless judgement, blind to our own behaviour.

Insightful, thoughtful, and a genuinely eye-opening and generous look into the world of tantra which I knew nothing about.

[Jessi ❤️ H. Vojsk [if villain, why hot?] · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book in Berlin in one of the biggest bookshops I know and it instantly caught me with its pretty cover and the title.

I need to be honest:
I wasn’t ready for it to be this good?!
The journey we get to read about was so relatable, fascinating and motivating.
I loved everything about it.

100% recommendation for literally anyone (single/couple/etc) 🩷

[Chanel Chapters]

DNF

[Annelies Van Lierde · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dit boek was bij momenten pijnlijk herkenbaar. Ik heb het beluisterd als audiobook, voorgelezen door Marianne Power zelf. Soms moest ik het op pauze zetten, op een bepaald moment zelfs voor een paar maanden. Haar autobiografie riep een gek gevoel in me op. Enerzijds dacht ik: "oh. my. god. kan ze in mijn hoofd kijken?" Plots voelde ik me gezien door iemand die ik nog nooit had ontmoet en dat stelde me enorm gerust, als dat de kracht van literatuur niet is. Anderzijds zorgden haar kwetsbare inzichten in zichzelf ook voor confronterende inzichten in mijn eigen psyche. "Hoe kan ik ervan overtuigd zijn dat iemand niet geïnteresseerd kan zijn in me en tegelijkertijd bang zijn dat hij verliefd op me wordt?"

Love me zit vol wijsheden die de auteur zelf soms vergeet doorheen het verhaal en dan opnieuw moet opdoen, dat maakt het ontzettend authentiek.

"I realised I was always leaving the door open for love, but leaving the door open was leaving a draft."

[Lianda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books I’ve read in a while. I learned a lot. Amazing feminist writing.

[carmen_jimenezv · Rating 5 out of 5]

Masterpiece.

[Hannah McLean · Rating 5 out of 5]

More like a 4.5 I really enjoyed this easy read. I loved her commitment to exploring really difficult topics and emotions for women to be vulnerable about. I respected her assessment of her complicated relationship with men. I definitely relate to a lot of her experience and overall felt lots of tender emotions reading this book.

[Demi · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5⭐️

[Matilda H · Rating 3 out of 5]

A light-hearted yet profound memoir, focusing on a woman's journey of self-acceptance. Perhaps the accent led me on a bit, but it felt somewhat like a tantric version of Dolly Alderton.

[Audiobook, 3.5 ☆]

[Nałogowa Czytaczka Natalia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Surprising, insightful, touching. Loved it! ❤️

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

If possible, this is even better than Power’s first book, Help Me. Or it may be that we are weirdly living our lives in parallel and therefore Power is writing precisely what I need to hear at this point in my journey. Regardless, this book deftly (and humourously) tackles big issues about being single, traditional relationships, desires to have/not have children, going against mainstream ideas of love and relationships, and the inherent difficulty in coming face-to-face with your wants and needs. I hope every woman reads this book.

[Daniela BZ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Marianne Power for writing such a powerful and beautiful book. Each chapter was a delight to read and not only it was fun and smart but reassuring and a great opportunity for each woman to (re)discover herself.

[Lise Dahl Arvedsen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mesteren i selvrealiseringslitteratur er ikke helt i mål. Den store kærlighed lader vente på sig. Eller gør den?

Jeg blev spurgt, hvilken genre denne bog hører under. "Non-fiktion, selvrealiserende, eksperimentel chick-lit" var mit bedste bud. En kvindelig journalist, der sætter sig selv under lup, gennem en række eksperimenter med en tone, der harmonerer med reality-tv. Det er god underholdning.

Man skal dog være forsigtig med at lade sig rive med af hendes mange citeringer og henvisninger til bøger. Hendes titel som journalist kan drive gæk med en, og det kan være fristende at lede efter sandheder.

Noget af det, jeg særligt tager med fra bogen, er hendes repræsentation og nysgerrighed på de mange måder, man kan leve sit liv på. Hun skildrer fint sine refleksioner om at føle sig forkert som singlekvinde i vores samfund.

Når man føler sig forkert, er det let at lede efter skyldige uden for sin egen sfære, og guderne skal vide, at der er rigeligt med institutionaliserede rammer, der får kvinder til at føle sig forkerte (hvilket hun også udpensler i et alt for langt afsluttende kapitel), men man kan ikke ændre andre, man kan kun ændre sig selv. Power gør et fint stykke arbejde med at analysere de mange elementer, der er på spil, mens hun samtidig tager ansvaret på sig til selv at finde nye veje.

Flere af de pointer, hun arbejder sig frem til, ræsonnerer fint med selvforståelsen, selv om man ikke er single. Der er rigeligt at spejle sig i, Power er generøs med sine refleksioner, og spørgsmålene, hun undersøger, om hvor kærligheden skal komme fra, er tilladt at stille for alle.

Sidst, men ikke mindst, så tager jeg hendes farverige og nuancerede beskrivelser af de mange liv deres leves med. På en uprætentiøs facon giver hun mulighed for empatisk nysgerrighed i storbyens (og nok også vestens) diversitet. I en verden med mere splittelse end nogensinde er denne nysgerrighed gavnlig.

[Katy Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest, funny and frustrating. But does hit some nerves. In non-sexual ways.

I've not heard of Power, never read her work before, it was the title that had me downloading this. And it did entertain as well as enlighten.

Though I was squirming away at some of Power's encounters and conclusions. She does lay her life and history bare for us, as well as other things sometimes. I have no problem with this. I just felt sorry that her own self-worth was so low after her Catholic upbringing and her own family's expectations and attitudes.

It really did show how your own childhood has such far-reaching implications, as Marianne relays how she tries to please men but can't actually stomach being around a partner for very long.

Throwing herself head-first into retreats and sessions, meditation and naked dancing, exploring her own sexual feelings and meeting as many new people as possible, I felt her discomfort as well as her revelations. Though it did feel repetitive in one way - new experience, holding back, revelation and moving forward, back step with feelings of self-loathing and back to friends for morale boosting before repeat.

Explores fairly thoroughly the different aspects of being single, and through Marianne's friends, other perspectives she slowly realises of 'happy coupledown', 'blissful families' and what we actually should learn about different ways there are of being content or fulfilled in various relationships.

My feelings about Marianne vacillated through the book, but I did appreciate her laying it all bare for us and the humour at the heart of it all. May we all find peace and fulfilment in whatever way we choose.

With thanks to Netgalley for providing a sample reading copy.

[Toni M · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a refreshing, honest, and vulnerable book. In the beginning, I was worried it was going to be generic and “safe” but I was so wrong! Marianne delves into so many topics in this book without holding back. My favourite parts were the discussions around motherhood, attachment, and obviously the tantric sex courses she goes on! I never thought I’d say that in a review! Getting a glimpse into these spaces was so interesting, and they were not what I had expected.

I loved the discussions Marianne was having with her friends throughout the book and seeing their journeys progress alongside hers. There were so many books mentioned in this book that I started tabbing the pages where they were mentioned so I could go back and read them. Lots have been on my TBR for a while, but there are also books I’ve never heard of.

The chatty voice of the book made this a quick, enjoyable read. It was amazing how the book's tone remained light throughout while discussing some intense topics. The only way I can think to describe it was like having a sleepover style chat with a close friend.

I think this book will interest you if you like reading memoirs about sex, relationships, motherhood, friendship, and self-acceptance. Thank you so much to @picadorbooks for kindly sending me this early copy in exchange for an honest review!

[Taylor Downing · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.75 ⭐️ (Book Club pick).

I just don’t think I’m the audience for this book. Maybe my harsh rating says more about me than the book, but I just don’t read fiction. I do not care about this woman and her struggles to find love and peace with herself. I’m not saying her points aren’t valid or their aren’t things to learn from it or times where I went, that’s a good perspective to have, but it certainly wasn’t awe inspiring for me. I couldn’t stand the style of writing and all the citations of other books made it feel like a textbook and work to read.

Overall, it was certainly a journey. I HATED the first 50 or so pages, loved the next 50 (even laughed), then hated it again, loved the next retreat, then just realized I couldn’t handle the constant self exploration and changing of her mind. Started to love the last chapter to close it up and then it droned on and I wanted to it to stop. TLDR; I almost DNF’d this several times.

[ella sylvie · Rating 5 out of 5]

oh my god OH MY GOD!!!!!! at times it was like she’d reached into my head and plucked my thoughts out and laid them on the page before me and boyyyy did it feel vindicating. other times i soaked in her wisdom and advice like a sponge, and for much of the book i was also laughing out loud. i really, really loved it. she is so candid, brutally honest, smart, hilarious, REAL.

i had reservations about it potentially being one of those self-helpy cheesy books about basic feminism but it wasn’t at all. marianne was just as skeptical as me before embarking on all her tantric workshops and reading her pussy books but they taught her a lot (often in unexpected ways) and i am so glad she wrote this to pass it onto us. the last chapter oozes love and light and appreciation for the myriad ways a life can manifest. it feels like no mere coincidence her last name is power..!

[Anya Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed how honest Marianne Power is—she comes across as hugely likeable and self-aware. While the book does veer into kooky, new-age navel-gazing at times, she acknowledges it with a grounded, realistic tone. She throws herself into all kinds of new experiences as she continues a personal journey of self exploration and finding joy in life as single, 40s, without children - exploring singledom, motherhood, tantric workshops and more—while speaking to people living lives in different ways. Her writing is engaging, funny, and very enjoyable to read.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.

[Abi Beynon · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful, thoughtful and thought provoking book. As a single mother, my life is full and hectic and centred around children, so I was unsure as to whether this would ‘speak to me’ as it follows Marianne’s search through relationships and family-style connections. But it is relevant to everyone. It would educate teens and support older, traditional family setup mothers and fathers. It is eye opening and reassuring all at once. Of course, the major bonus is that it is written so clearly and in a way in which you feel like Marianne is sitting across the room from you- talking it all through with you. It’s a great read, open it up now if you have left it for a while like I did.

[Vicki Duncan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was a novel so I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be the exact memoir I needed to read right now!

I loved this so much, having found herself in her forties with no relationship or kids, Marianne explores her friendships, commitment, her relationship to sex and much much more (including whether life can be just as for filling on your own).

I recognised myself in much of this book and the way Marianne writes about friendship brought me to tears. I can’t wait to go back and read her first book Help Me!

Funny, intimate and empowering, go read it!

[Jemysieni · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tässä oli kiitettävästi normien purkua ja rehellistä seksuaalisuuden tutkiskelua, mutta tästä puuttui kirjailijan self help -teoksen tarinallisuus, ja tämä tuntui enemmän dokumentaariselta. Teos ei siis koukuttanut yhtä paljon kuin edeltäjänsä. Uskon, että tämä antaa ahaa-elämyksiä suurelle osalle lukijoista, mutta itselleni teos ei oikein pystynyt tarjoamaan enää oivalluksia, kun olen kelannut samat kelat vuosia sitten. Suosittelen kuitenkin, jos elämä ja suhteet yhteiskunnan tarjoaman mallin ulkopuolella kiinnostelee.

[Zahin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Marseille read

An easy read, with all the same bog standard ideas about choosing to live a single life as a woman.

What annoyed me was that this was essentially a book about her journey learning tantra and the profound impact it had on her life, yet it isn’t marketed that way (presumably because it’d be less publishable), so instead she keeps putting this whole ‘haha tantra is so hippy and woo woo’ conclusion to her retreats despite the fact that they literally changed her life and she kept going back to them? Annoying

[Donna]

Not a book I would read if it weren't a book club choice. I can appreciate the author's journey to come to terms with how she wants to live her life and dealing with past traumas and expectations, but I just found little in common and wasn't interested in most of the book. I scanned a lot and just wanted to get to the end. Sometimes it felt like there was a lot of oversharing, and I would have been more interested in a much shorter version with the main points of her self-discoveries.

[Kirsty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful & Brave
Marianne deserves a big round of applause. I didn’t want this book to end. This is a book at ALL women should read. Thankyou to Marianne for being brave to share her beautiful world. Highly recommend her first book (help me) also. Netflix should move fast to option both books to bring this magic to our screens!

[Eli Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

No notes. Five stars to anyone with the courage to understand their shame and desires over feeling different in a world insistent on fitting in. The author takes a deep, honest dive into herself and her relationships and writes about the experience with such bravery, humility and openness. This book will help people.

[CINDY · Rating 5 out of 5]

Doesn’t matter if you’re a mom, wife or single…this book is for women. I giggled, laughed out loud in public(read while at the gym) and cried. I could relate to soo much and also asked myself many questions.
I will read this book again and take notes, but after I’ve shared it my friends.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who knew I would relate so much to a 40 year old woman’s journey with love and relationships?

Did I learn anything new? No not necessarily. But I loved being along for the ride. Two home run nonfiction books from this author!! For someone who typically doesn’t enjoy nonfiction Marianne has a chokehold on me!

[Lisa San Martín · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went to a book club event where Marianne was there in person for her first book. She was wonderful, and I really enjoyed her writing.

I loved this just as much. It’s very brave, interesting and thought-provoking.